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— harshita jhawar, thoughts of you
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xofalice·:
Alice couldn’t remember a time when Frank hadn’t been important to her. Even before they’d officially gotten together, he’d been important. She sometimes wondered what would have happened if it hadn’t been for that fateful quidditch cup winners party in Gryffindor tower in fourth year. Alice couldn’t remember the name of the girl that she’d rudely stole Frank from mid-dance, but it had all worked out in the end. And if she was honest, she’d thought he was hers long before they’d made it official. “It is…” She murmured with a little smile. Frank was one of the best things that had happened to her.
“Not really….” She murmured, shaking her head. “The kids are loud…” She mused with a laugh. “And Nana lives with us full tine, so she’s generally here.” And Alice was very rarely on her own. She sometimes wondered if Nana and Frank were doing it on purpose. But she appreciated their closeness. “I can relate…” She mused with a little shrug. “You’re always welcome here though. You know that right?”
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“Right.” Remus had never lived with more than two other people — he imagined that a multigenerational home would feel cluttered and overwhelming. At least for him. He was always in need of alone time. “Your kids don’t seem too loud, though. They’re definitely not as bad as some of the ones I see out now. Just yesterday, I was eating some chips on the street and some little kid came up and asked me if he could have them. I didn’t even know the fella’. He’d just never heard ‘no’ before, I guess.” He furrowed his brow. “It’s nice that you have so much family around, though.” Maybe that was insensitive to say, considering her first family wasn’t still in the picture. He pursed his lips.
“Yeah. I know that.” He didn’t feel like he was welcome most places. Remus wasn’t sure how to ask people for help, or how to ask them for a place to stay. It didn’t seem like that was socially okay.
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xofalice·:
Alice’s home was by no means small, but it was homely, and it was theirs. It made her happy. She had never wanted to live in a huge manor like she’d grown up in. She wanted something some what small, quaint, and like them. She knew the other purebloods looked down on them, but she didn’t care. Alice was happy, and they were happy. That was all that mattered to her. Of course, the issues with money at the moment, were worrying, but she was trying to not focus on them too much at the moment.
“Frank and I moved out here shortly after we got married.” She murmured with a smile. “And then….. when I got pregnant, Nana helped us buy the house.” There was no way they’d have properly afforded it if it wasn’t for Nana Longbottom. Alice would be forever grateful for her grandmother in law. “I’ve always wanted to live by the sea.”
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A smile spread across Remus’ face as he listened to Alice talk about the home. It was clear she had a lot of love for this place, for Frank, and her children. “Well, it’s lovely.” He’d learned to let go of his bitterness for his happy friends; sometimes he engulfed himself so deep into his own sadness that he was almost offended everyone else wasn’t doing the same thing.
“Does it get lonely being here without him?” Remus found himself lonely — or, more so bored — when Sirius was away all day long. He thought having a roommate would be like a live-in friend. “I hate not working. I feel like I should be doing something all day long.”
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lilyebba:
“Of course I don’t have to, but since when has that ever stopped me?” Lily smiled wryly over her shoulder as she led Remus into the kitchen, calling for Harry along the way to let him know Remus was here. Lily’s son came barreling out of the family room as fast as his little legs could carry him, which she was pretty sure was getting faster every day, and crashed into Remus, seemingly doing his level best to take his uncle out at the knees. Once in the kitchen, Lily began rummaging through the cupboards. “What do you want? We have bread for toast, and we have left over shepherd’s pie in the fridge. You’re not allowed any b-i-s-c-u-i-t-s because then Harry will want one, but you get brownie points if you’ll eat peas because he claims they’re poisonous.” Lily rolled her eyes. She wasn’t entirely sure who’d first put the idea in Harry’s head, but she was fairly confident he hadn’t come up with it by himself.
Lily wasn’t sure how much time Remus had before he was supposed to meet Eva, but she put the kettle on anyway. She was a firm believer in the calming properties of a warm mug of tea, and she was certain Remus needed as much calm as he could get. “Do you have any plans for how you’re going to tell her, what you’re going to say? Make sure it’s clear it’s about giving her the information she should have had all along, not making excuses for your behavior. And don’t be too self-flagellating, this is about her, not you.” She really wasn’t trying to lecture Remus, but she knew Remus, and she knew he sometimes got lost in a sea of shame.
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Remus followed her into the kitchen, looking around as they went through the home. His eyes lingered on the little memories scattered around: photos, trinkets, souvenirs from the life Lily and James grew together. A sudden thump against the back of his legs brought him out of his head. The age-old question when did this kid get so big? entered his mind and he realized he, too, was getting older. “Hey, mate,” he smiled and leaned forward, brushing his hand against the boy’s hair.
“In that case, I’ll have shepherd’s pie — extra peas.” He winked at Harry. “Wolves are immune to poison.” He moved to scoop the boy up and toss him over his shoulder. “Plans?” He hadn’t thought it out. He figured in the moment he’d be too stressed to stick to a script anyway. “Don’t I deserve to be punished? I don’t want her to think I’m showing up and expecting to get her back.” He sat down at the kitchen table and placed Harry in his lap. “Honestly... I keep thinking it could be better if I just don’t show up.” He said the last bit quietly, knowing it was exactly the type of self-sabotage Lily was trying to steer him away from.
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evangelinetonks·:
Evangeline had always believed that their relationship had been good. For a point in time, Remus knew things about her that Evangeline had feared to even talk to Ted or Ezra about. There were disagreements, but what couple didn’t have the odd disagreement? Things had become tense in the last year of their relationship, when the progression from a Hogwarts romance seemed to reveal every crack within their foundation. But in Eva’s eyes, they were minor fractures that could have been sealed over. So when the rug was pulled from under her, an affair was the only plausible explanation that Eva could console herself with.
So as Remus assured her it wasn’t, Evangeline didn’t know to be worried or relieved. What else could it have possibly been? However, despite all the uncertainty. Her name falling from Remus’ lips still remained as a beacon of light regardless of the cloudy fog of confusion that surrounded them. Although, she could have done without the soft, comforting yet pitiful tone. Was that supposed to be a warm cushion for the explanation that was sure to come? A blow that would ripple through her with such an after effect that all she would be able to cling to was how Remus Lupin pronounced every syllable of her name.
“I gathered that much,” The leather of the booth moving squeaking underneath her as she shifted uncomfortably. The humiliation of that night portraying itself in a red fluster across her face. Recalling how she wandered in with a fucking welcome home present, only to be faced with her boyfriend’s supposedly dead dad who watched as his son yelled at her to leave. It hadn’t been one of her finest moments. Still though, Evangeline remained firm that Remus should be more embarrassed about the going-ons that evening. Was Remus trying to justify his haphazard break-up with a recount of his relationship with his father.
Leaning her elbows on the table, Evangeline was about to inquire into why he had felt the need to lie about his family. When Remus began to lay all the cards on the table. Anger turning to confusion, a small crease forming between her brow as the story began to progress. Ending in the ultimate crescendo of werewolf. At that point, all the Valentine’s decorations and the voices of surrounding booths began to fade. Remus Lupin was a werewolf, her ex-boyfriend was a werewolf? A ripple of shock waved through her, the crease on her eyebrow fading as her face became one of bewilderment. The revelation was significant, but it made sense. Memories of him disappearing for days on end, stating that he was going to care for his sick mother. The scars that her lips once grazed laced with affection. Evangeline Tonks didn’t know how to feel, while it was certain she didn’t feel akin to the views of Remus’ father. They all seemed to hit at once, a flurry of confusion, anger, pity, love and hurt.
However, most prevalent of all was stupidity. Closely followed by hurt. Evangeline felt reduced to nothing more than a fool as Remus documented this secret to her. A deep wave of hurt filled her chest, a wave of emotion that brimmed to the surface. Hurt that he didn’t tell her back then, hurt that Evangeline couldn’t have done anything to soothe his concerns, hurt that Remus dismissed her enough to recognise that she would have never recognised it on her own accord. She should have noticed, she spent so much time with him and had never picked up on any of the signs. How did she not? But did Remus not know her character? Sure, Evangeline wasn’t clever enough to pick up on the tell-tale signs of lycanthropy to back him into a corner. But there wasn’t ever an intended source of malicious intent within her. Didn’t Remus recognise that she would have followed him to the end of the earth regardless? But Evangeline couldn’t be too harsh on him for finding bliss in her ignorance. Her mind was reeling, spinning in circles faster than Evangeline could keep up with..but her silence was deafening. Opening her mouth to speak, a shaky breath fell out.
“I-” Eva started, “I would’ve accepted you. I love-I loved you a lot ” Her fingers going to chip at the nail polish on her right hand, a nervous vice. A recognition that everything that was going to fall from her lips was sure to be haphazard, a recognition of the blow that had just fallen onto her lap. “I still do accept you- You were a big part of my life…none of this changes that.” She murmured.
“But-all the lies…” Evangeline stated, “Why?” Regretting the question as soon as it fell from her lips. Another stupid observation to add to a long list. “Sorry-you already explained that. I’m just a little confused.” Eva looked up from the table. “But..you ruined everything anyway without even the mere mention of being a werewolf…” Her voice shaking slightly, unable to subdue the cracks of hurt or confusion any longer. “Did you not trust me? Because surely after all that time spent together. We knew each -” Pausing to take a breath, evidently Evangeline didn’t know a lot about him at all. Eva had opened her heart, her mind, her body to him with full belief that he wouldn’t disparage that trust. Evidently, that hadn’t been fully reciprocated. “You knew I wasn’t that type of person. Or was it just convenient for you to keep me in the dark?”
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“It had nothing to do with trust, Evangeline —” He caught himself before his tone changed, before his voice turned angry. He couldn’t be upset with her for not understanding something he’d put every effort into hiding from her. “I ruined everything because of it. Because I'm hostile. And inconsiderate.” He looked away from her. “Maybe there’s like, seventy percent of me that you got to know. But the rest that I was hiding from you is a monster.” He felt like a freak in this moment.
"I’m not a good person, Eva. Not all the time. I don’t want you to think I left because of you. I left because I’m a terrible person. It’s in my nature to fuck up everything that’s good and that’s probably never going to change. It was probably for the best because I would have brought you down anyway.” His bottom lip trembled. He hoped she wasn’t looking at him, but she could feel her eyes on him no matter what. Her presence alone put him on edge. It made him uncomfortable that at one point they’d been so much closer than this. “It had nothing to do with trust. I just... I wasn’t... I couldn’t—” He tripped on his words a bit and a heat spread across the back of his neck. This was even more mortifying than he’d imagined.
“You were the only thing in my life that made me feel normal. When I was with you I felt...” He thought to how happy he’d been back then, when it was possible for him to pretend he had any future. How joyful his life was when he had Evangeline to share it with. “...like I was just like everyone else.” He shook his head. “But I did it at your expense, so I was no better than the monster I was trying to hide.”
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xofalice·:
Alice was quite excited for today. They had a lot of visitors, but mostly they came to see her, and sometimes for the kids. But today, as much as she did enjoy speaking to Remus, she was excited for him to spend some time with Neville. Her little boy reminded her so much of herself. Of course, Alice was also pretty active when she’d been little too. But Neville was quiet, and liked to sit and read. He was just like his mother really. So, to have another role model in his life that wasn’t just his mother was going to be a positive thing. She didn’t want Neville to have a lonely childhood, like she had sometimes felt she’d had.
Neville had been excited the moment he had woke up, and it just made Alice smile. He adored having little sisters, but she was excited for him to have a friendship that he didn’t have to share with his sisters once. Alice was big on making sure they all had their own friendships, which weren’t too interrupted by the presence of their siblings. It was hard when they were so little, and so close together in age, but Alice tried her best.
“It is….” She murmured, a smile on her lips as she answered the door. She was glad that nothing had gotten in the way of the visit. Things were so on edge at the moment that sometimes it felt like plans could change so easily. Frank was still working so many more hours than he really should have, and it worried Alice. “Please come in. Neville is super excited to see you”
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Remus entered and was immediately wrapped in comfort. The sweet, woodsy scent of home filled his nose. There were a few toys scattered here and there, evidence of childhood, and he smiled. He felt safe here. It was different than his own apartment — which stunk of beer and cheap cologne, and hadn’t seen daylight in a few weeks.
“So, how long have you been living here?” He asked, after looking around. It had been awhile since he accepted anyone’s invitation to visit their home. He didn’t think he’d been here before.
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minsithewolf·:
Where: Diagon Alley
Who: Minsi & open
Minsi darted down an alleyway clutching the bag that she had just lifted off someone. It wasn’t her fault that the woman had been stupid enough to leave it unattended on the table. She was practically begging for someone to take it, especially since it was an expensive looking bag. If she hadn’t been the one to take it than she was certain that someone else would have. Coming out of the alleyway and into Diagon Alley proper, she disappeared among the crowd of people shopping. Spotting a table near a restaurant, she made her way over to it and put the bag down on the table and started to quickly go through it, looking for money and anything else that she could use. Pulling the wallet out she started to go through it, hoping for a decent amount of money.
Feeling the sudden prickle that someone was watching her, she turned an spotted someone watching her. Whether they knew what she had done or not was unimportant. “Looking for my sunglasses,” she lied with a smile.
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Remus’ morning started around noon, when he woke up and discovered there was no food left in his pantry. He apparated to the market, then, hoping to make a quick purchase before heading back to his apartment to sulk.
On his way to the market, he thought he saw Minsi. That was odd. Very few of the younger members left the pack alone. He looked around, hoping no one else from the pack was with her. He’d been avoiding them for a few months now and he was sure someone had noticed. Minsi grabbed a bag and then escaped the scene quick. Furrowing his brow, Remus followed her towards a table and kept his distance as she sat down. He was not expecting her to sense him so quickly.
“Oh. Right.” Clearly, she was lying. He’d never seen Minsi carry around a bag like that — he wasn’t sure he’d seen her wearing sunglasses ever, to be honest. “I won’t tell anyone if you let me get a cut.”
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evangelinetonks·:
Her finger going to meet the tip of her thumbnail, Evangeline fidgeted. Her left hand remaining under the table. While her other rested on the stem of her glass. Fighting every urge to retreat onto her lap. As much as Eva tried to resist the feeling, Remus Lupin’s presence put her on edge. Perhaps it was the anticipation of what his explanation would entail, what possible reason he had to dismiss their relationship without a blink. Or the trepidation of what may happen. If it had been a few years ago, Eva would have scoffed at any suggestion that Remus would speak to her like he had that night. That suggestion didn’t seem so profound anymore. So there Evangeline sat, her belongings close. Positioned in the corner of her side of the booth. As far from him as possible. No longer were her cards splayed on the table in his presence, a form of vulnerability that Eva had once shared with him. Instead, they remained close to her chest. Safe from any further damage.
Memories recalled, a time when they sat in here, in love. A little younger, a little less damaged. Nestled in the booth in the corner, Evangeline could just catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of her eye. A pang shooting through her chest as a young couple had took their place. Closing her eyes for a second Evangeline tried to push back the tightening sensation. A silent prayer that the two who currently inhabited it had a bit longer than its previous occupants. Had Remus always known that they had an expiration date? It was certain that Evangeline didn’t. Still remembering how her hands shook as they tried to clasp the edge of her camera, ignoring the film that crashed to the floor in a hasty bid to grab her things. How she didn’t apparate away, but instead walked. Unable to stop crying the entire route home. Eventually, the hurt turned to worry, guilt, confusion.
Sitting across from him now, Evangeline wondered if he went through the same stage of mourning. Did her coffee mug still remain in the back of his kitchen cupboard, just as his still remained in hers. Untouched, but unable to part with. Or had somebody else been sipping out of it without her knowledge. Eva had always been too sentimental for her own good, considered to be a strength by many. Others considered it to be an achilles heel . In this instance, it was certainly the latter.
There was a longing, a longing that Evangeline should have walked in later . With a warm smile on her face, wave off any explanation with a flicker of her eyelid. Detailing how she had moved on, found somebody else. Somebody who would care enough to explain themselves. But that had never been possible. For that, Evangeline felt embarrassed. Here, she still remained. Hanging on his every word just as she had in the early foundation of their relationship. Feeling reduced to nothing more than the sixth-year Hufflepuff who gazed up at him with admiration as they lay by the Black Lake. Or the young woman who hunted the whole bar for him on New Years Eve 1979, just for a midnight kiss. Laughing with him as the confetti got stuck in his hair. Now though, her body language was retreated, protective, distant. No longer did a glimmer of admiration shine through in her gaze. Instead, her gaze was fogged with confusion, grief, and hurt. Regardless of how much she tried to batten down her defences. Remus Lupin always seemed sail through with ease.
“Forgive me, for questioning your reliability.” Evangeline stated, trying her best not to convey any emotion in her statement. Her eyes falling to his hand as it tapped on the table. Well, that was irritating. Was there really that much to discuss? Had she messed up enough for a nervous tap on the table? Knowing Remus, he probably had revised a document list of her faults. Merlin, her mother had probably chipped in too. No-No, she hadn’t. In all honestly, Eva was truly unable to recount any fault on her part. But there was a tendency for her to put her foot in her mouth. Maybe, it was one of her moments that drove him away.
Thoughts interrupted by the arrival of their drinks. A warm smile aimed at the barmaid as she placed the drinks in front of them. Muttering a quick thanks in her direction. Before her eyes returned to him, smile faltering almost instantaneously. Still though, her hand didn’t react for the glass. Evangeline had only promised one drink and taking a sip would give him an easy escape. After a two year wait, it was normal to want every detail of whatever story he had concocted.
“But you still deserve to know the truth. Even if it’s too late.“ Words that daunted her, and Suddenly, after waiting years for an explanation. With words that held such weight, Evangeline wasn’t too sure it was still required. She didn’t want to hear of any ill-footing on her part, or the possibility of another overlapping their chapters together.
Taking a brazen step to interrupt, “Look- Remus…If there was someone else– I really don’t want to know the details. Nor do I require an explanation of what I could have possibly done better either” Merlin knew, that scenario had ran its course in her head many times. Each repeat as heartbreaking as the next. @remxslxpin
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His heart broke. She thought he’d been having an affair? It made sense, but Merlin, after years of pretending he hadn’t hurt anyone by disappearing, this was a lot for him to take in. If he counted The Wolf, then maybe there was someone else. Someone who twisted his words and forced him to make rash decisions. Someone inside him, across his body like a cancer. “Oh. Evangeline, no — there wasn’t anyone else.” He said softly. “You are — you were the only one. Ever.” He shook his head, not sure why he was focusing on this now — like his loyalty really meant anything after what he’d hid from her. His secret was almost worse than an affair.
He cleared his throat. Now or never. “I told you my dad was dead. Obviously, that isn’t true.” He remembered the breakup — Eva had arrived to his flat unexpected while his father was tending to him after a particularly bad full moon. The same father who, according to Remus, was dead. “We don’t have a good relationship. It’s not because he’s a bad person. It’s just...complicated...” He sighed and tried to refocus his story on the main point.
“When I was about four, my father worked at the Ministry. He worked in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, which is basically a fancy way of saying he was helping register magical creatures into the ministry.” He looked down at the table and played a bit with the paper napkin. “After a particularly nasty werewolf attack on children, they brought in a few suspects... some people from the area, I guess. My dad could tell one of them, this man Greyback, was a werewolf, even though he claimed to be just a muggle.” He ripped a few little pieces off the napkin and sighed. “My dad can get mad when people aren’t listening to him. The rest of the committee basically said he was a fool for thinking Greyback was a wolf. So, he freaked out. Said some nasty stuff about werewolves, ‘You all deserve death,’ y’know, and left.”
“Well, the committee released Greyback that night because they found him to be innocent. He found out where my dad lives. And a few weeks later he came to our house and attacked me.” He paused. Maybe that didn’t make things clear. Looking up at Eva to see her reaction, he said, “My dad tried to do everything he could. But I guess once you’re bitten...” He shrugged. “What I’m saying is, I’m a werewolf. And I have been one since I can remember.”
It felt a lot easier now that he’d finally said it. He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I mean, I know. But I don’t. I guess I thought if I pretended that part of me didn’t exist that it wouldn’t. That somehow I’d be able to live life like a normal person and fall in love and get a job and be fine. But once I left Hogwarts I realized that wasn’t possible. People out here... they don’t think highly of people like me.” It still confused him to call himself a person. Was he a person? He certainly felt less and less like one as he embraced the creature side of himself. That was exactly why he’d ignored it in the first place. “When I was growing up everyone told me I had to act like I wasn’t a werewolf. So I just thought... I don’t know... that if I told you... it would ruin everything.”
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lilyebba:
When Lily and James began talking about where they would live once they got married, Lily’s first requirement was a dedicated guest room. She wanted her friends, her family, to know there would always be a place for them in her home. Mary, Marlene, Remus, and Sirius all had keys and knew Lily had an open door policy. So it wasn’t entirely unusual for there to be a knock on the Potters’ door early in the morning, and with the security of the fidelius charm still in place, Lily knew it was a friend. She hadn’t even opened the door all the way before Remus’ voice came through, distress clear in his tone. Lily finished opening the door and threw her arms around Remus, giving him an extra long, extra strong hug. “Of course it’s not a mistake. Eva deserves to know the truth. That’s the first step to making things right.”
There had been a point during the war where Lily began to feel like things were falling apart faster than she could put them back together. Marlene’s family was fracturing, Mary failed out of the healer’s program at St. Mungo’s. But none had worried her more than Remus. He’d become increasingly withdrawn, showing up to family dinners drunk when he showed up at all and letting letter after letter go unanswered. He seemed to be getting back to normal now, but she knew he’d gained new demons during the war. And she knew that was what had driven him to push Eva away. “Now come inside. Did you eat breakfast this morning? Because you look like you’re about to faint.”
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Remus melted into her hug, letting his shoulders relax for once as Lily took the weight of his conscious from him. He nodded as she spoke. It was nice to hear someone else talk about his problems — it made more sense when he heard them in another’s voice. Eva did deserve to know. Remus wasn’t going to let his shame of being a bad person shadow that truth. Even if it would reopen old wounds, he had to tell her. It was only getting later and later as time went on.
He pulled away. Had he eaten breakfast? Now that he thought about it, no. Lunch had gone by unnoticed, too. He’d had a large coffee earlier that was sufficient at the time, but at the mention of food Remus’ stomach began to grumble. “No. Must’ve slipped my mind. You really don’t have to cook anything for me though, it’s okay.”
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who: @xofalice
where: longbottom residence
A child ran past Remus, nearly knocking the discounted copy of Paddy Goes Traveling out of his hands. He was at, of all places, a children’s bookstore in London, browsing their selection of clearance picture books and trying not to stick out like a sore thumb. With his unruly hair and bright sweater-vest (someone’s mother had took a long time to crochet it, only for Remus to find it falling off a hanger at Goodwill), one might think he was a kindergarten teacher, or a single father just doing his best. Nope. He was just Remus, anxious to not show up to the Alice’s home empty-handed.
He was at the point in his life where everyone seemed to be putting their roots down. Remus was fine living life as he had the past year, dreaming of an alternate universe where he actually had his shit together. It was easier this way. He didn’t have to confront his demons this way.
He made his way to the counter to purchase the book and then headed out towards the Longbottom’s. He arrived and realized he hadn’t wrapped the book in anything, so he hugged it to his chest under his jacket instead and knocked on the door. When Alice opened, he beamed. “Hey. It’s good to finally be visiting you at home, for once.”
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lilavatieneida:
Lilavati supposed someone less observant might not realize the young man, Remus, was laughing at them. He had at least had the grace to look away in an attempt to disguise the fact, after all, but Lilavati was not someone less observant. She arched her eyebrows briefly, but by the time he looked back at her she’d rearranged her face into a mostly neutral expression. Remus, apparently, had a rather dry sense of humor, which Lilavati appreciated. Her smile turned a shade more genuine as she took a pointed sip of the beer. “I have two children under the age of three, I’m responsible for quite enough tears without adding to the tally.”
Remus’ handshake was respectable enough, but Lilavati saw the flicker of something like suspicion in his eyes when she gave her last name. She wondered if he was someone who’d dealt with Emmett personally, or if he was simply one of the growing number of people who automatically mistrusted anyone from the Sacred 28. With people like her husband running about wreaking havoc, Lilavati couldn’t say she blamed any of them. “Accident prone?” Lilavati raised her eyebrows in an invitation to elaborate. “Do you work in a high risk field?” Amada had been quite the frequent flyer at St. Mungo’s during her curse breaker training, and Lilavati could only assume hitwixen, aurors, and maybe even unspeakables were as well.
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Remus raised a brow. Somehow he was always talking to moms. Maybe that was his type. Freud would probably have a field day with Remus’ need to be comforted by the women around him — he was always seeking someone to make him feel safe. Lilavanti didn’t make him feel safe, but he could tell she had a protective soul. He pictured her and her two children, locked away in some beautiful old-money home, protected from all the shit that went on in the regular-money world. He wondered how different his life would have been if he’d been born into a family like that instead.
He couldn’t help but laugh when she asked about his career. It never got less awkward explaining to people what he did (which was nothing). Most of his accidents came from the fighting club or the whole being-a-werewolf-thing. But he couldn’t tell Lilavati that. Based on this interaction alone he was sure that wasn’t something she’d take lightly. “Nope. Just a clumsy guy. Have been since I was a kid.” He finished most of his beer and placed the near empty glass on the counter. “I’m currently in-between jobs.”
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who: @lilyebba
where: lily + james’ flat
when: february 13th, early morning
There were very few people Remus trusted anymore; life as a double agent had left him tumultuously stuck between being honest and dishonest with the ones he loved. The lines between who he could depend on and who he could not got blurrier each day. And yet, his faith in Lily remained constant. Even when he was doubting his friendship with James, Sirius, and Peter, he never once doubted Lily. She seemed like the only person who truly knew right from wrong.
As he stood in his current flat, debating cancelling on Evangeline and never telling her about his condition, he realized that was who he needed to talk to. Lily. So he apparated to their flat, wiped the sweat off his palms, and then knocked. As soon as he saw red hair behind the open door, his words fell out of his mouth.
“Lily. I’m about to tell Evangeline everything. Please say this isn’t a big mistake.”
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xofalice·:
“Yeah….” Alice felt lucky that she’d fallen in love with someone that had such a lovely family. It was nice to not think transactionally, and that her family wanted something before they’d love her. The Longobttoms had never expected that. They’d just loved her for who she was, and hadn’t wanted her to change. It was nice to know she had that around, and that her children were gorwing up in that world.
“It’s why I had to stop being an auror….” Although not being an auror wasn’t really a thing. She just wasn’t actively working. She’d always be an auror though. It was simply who she was. “I had to be around for them.” She wouldn’t make the same mistakes that her mother had made. She would never let her children think they were not good enough. “That he is…” She murmured with a smile. “He loves looking at books, even though he can’t read them yet.” And she loved that, considering how much she adored reading. It made her heart happy knowing Neville loved reading as much as she did. “He’s a happy little thing, and I adore it.”
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Remus wished his heart was soft enough to still believe he could fall in love. It was a muscle, after all, and his had scarred over to the point it was no longer penetrable. He felt a sort of resentment towards those who’d found their other half so easily. Maybe he’d found his and messed it up. Whatever the case was, he was alone for the time being, and probably forever.
“I hope that means he’s got a fine collection of picture books at home. If not, there’s always a bunch at the Salvation Army in London I could grab for you.” Of course, those would be muggle books. He remembered accompanying his own mom to the thrift store in search for new secondhand books. Magical or not, they still had a place in his heart. “There’s so much out there now for kids.”
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evangelinetonks:
where : the three broomsticks
who : @remxslxpin
More than two years of radio silence, that’s what Evangeline had experienced from Remus Lupin. No explanation as to why Remus Lupin yelled at her to leave and to not return way back in the early months of 1981. Subsequently, ending their long-term relationship with little to no fragility for her feelings. Days and nights filled with confusion, leading to weeks and months of hurt. Now, it was all anger. How was it that Remus Lupin, who once handled her heart with trepidation and tenderness, simply opted to toss it to the side? Without a flicker of thought of to where it might land, break, or fracture into nothing more than fragments laying at his feet. Yet still, as much as Evangeline tried to deny it. He still held it all in the palm of his unforgiving hand. Even if she tried to piece it back together in the hands, or bed of another. It still remained singing to the familiar tune of tiny dancer, or tracing the lines of the plans they had carved out on the same dining room table where they drank cheap bottles of their wine. Evangeline Tonks was pathetic. Pining for nothing more than stale memories of what used to be.
The temptation to not turn up had been blaring, to turn his plan on its head. Who was he to demand anything from her? She didn’t need to listen to his moral cleanse. Either way, there was a knowing that she had deserved more. A proper explanation at the right time. Not when it was convenient for him. Regardless, there she sat. Feeling completely idiotic in a corner booth of Three Broomsticks. Idiotic that she had dressed a little nicer, but while others who currently sat in the Valentine’s bunting clad-bar done it to impress someone. It felt more like a death shroud for Evangeline. Lowering whatever love that her hand grasped on to into the ground. But, closure could be a good thing. A way to close a chapter. ‘Happy Fuckin’ Valentine’s’, she couldn’t help but think to herself.
She was already clutching a glass of white wine, an attempt to subdue the nerves, when the bar door opened. A pit growing in her stomach, as the barmaid pointed Remus over to where she sat. Heartbeats matching his footsteps across the wooden bar. If it had of been a few years earlier, they probably would have walked in together. Laughing about somebody’s planned proposal in the centre of Hogsmeade. Instead, they entered alone. As Remus finally reached the table, Evangeline nodded towards her glass. “Don’t worry…that’s not the drink. That one was just to settle the nerves.” She admitted, making no fault to hint at the viciousness of their break-up.
Finally flickering her gaze up to look at him, “I’m surprised you showed.”
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Remus didn’t make it a habit to return to Hogsmeade. It was here where he’d been pushed to keep his identity locked inside the wooden walls of the Shrieking Shack — here where he lived before it was acceptable for him to tell others who he was (long as it helped push The Order’s agenda). There had been happy moments in this village. He remembered grabbing treats at Honeydukes with his old friends and kissing Evangeline in the back of the Three Broomsticks. As he got older, he realized happy memories were just as painful as the sad ones. They were, after all, moments he could only think about and never return to. Constantly stuck looking behind his shoulder at everything he left behind.
It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t like to think so. But everything had a price, and his admission to Hogwarts relied heavily on his allegiance to Dumbledore. So when the headmaster asked Remus to act as a double agent in the Werewolf Army (what a stupid name, Remus wished he was at the meeting when they chose it so he could have proposed something a bit less on the nose), Remus obliged, even though he’d never been around werewolves before. He obliged even though he knew nothing about the culture, even though he wanted to yell at Albus and ask him why he bothered bringing him to Hogwarts if in the end he’d just be thrown to the wolves. He never really had a chance.
The Three Broomsticks looked smaller than he’d remembered. Remus watched as a group of fourth-years scurried out of the door, giggling to one another and carrying books to their chest. Did they know how much he envied them? How much he missed when life existed in one little bubble; when his dreams were still achievable and adulthood was so far away? Remus was still young yet he felt so, so old. In his bones he knew he couldn’t last much longer living life the way he did.
The past two years had taken a toll on him. Pushed into a life with creatures, Remus had been forced to act as though he didn’t grow up around humans as to not be a target. He adapted to stop speaking — to eat recklessly, to turn a blind eye to violence and murder, to hurt things if he was told to hurt things. His back was permanently arched in a way that hid his face; he developed a tendency to shy away from sunlight and bright rooms. By the time his mother died, Remus had transformed into someone totally different. His skin was further mutilated, his chin covered in a thick beard. He showed up to the funeral 50 pounds lighter than he’d been the last time he’d seen anyone. It took his father to force him to come home with him and take a shower for Remus to wake up. And by then he’d forgotten who he was.
He didn’t remember breaking Evangeline’s heart, but that was no excuse. He broke the one thing he promised to never break and then left like nothing ever happened. It was deeply unsettling to him how little empathy he’d shown in this situation. He was afraid adult Remus was a bad person.
The place was decorated for Valentine’s Day. Shit. Had he really set their meeting up to be today? Knowing that, he was shocked Evangeline had accepted his invitation. Even more so to see her sitting amongst loving couples, pink decorations abundant around her. She looked so miserable in comparison. He slowly walked to her and cleared his throat. What was he going to say?
Thankfully, she spoke before him, gesturing to the wine she already began drinking. Remus had been trying to lay off alcohol, but he figured now was the best time for him to indulge. “Oh. That looks good.” He looked around for the barmaid and waved her over. “I’ll have one of those. And then another one for her, too. On me.” He passed her a few galleons before hesitantly looking back at his guest.
He scoffed. “You didn’t think I’d show? That’s one way to start this off, I guess.” He tapped his finger against the table. He should just rip it off like a bandaid. Just tell her. Hey, so, I’m a werewolf. That’s why I left you. I didn’t tell you because I’m also a fucking asshole. But figured you already knew that. Merlin, was he nervous.
The barmaid returned with their drinks and Remus took a few big gulps from his. “Okay. I’m going to start off by saying that I called you here to be completely honest with you for once in my life. I know you’re going to tell me it’s too late for that, and that it doesn’t change anything, and I know. But you still deserve to know the truth. Even if it’s too late.”
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ratboipeter:
His eyes flickered, debating walking away from the man in front of him. Remus no longer owed Peter an explanation, and the man didn’t know why he really gave a shit. Maybe it was the glimmer of guilt, Peter had always had a stronger bond with Remus over the years they spent together. Besides, Remus seemed to be the only one concerned enough to spend time with him in his last few honourable months. Or perhaps, he felt a certain obligation to not see his old friend beaten to a pulp then experience the financial hand being taken out of him.
“Surviving is debatable…” He drawled, his own two boxing gloves hanging from his left hand. “You’d probably make more money scooping ice-cream. At least once your odds go down and people lose interest, soon you’ll get getting the shit beat out of you for a cat’s lick and a promise.”
@remxslxpin·
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“What the fuck is debatable about surviving? You’re either breathing or you aren’t.” He scoffed. He didn’t need to have a theoretical debate with his ex best friend about being alive right now. He needed a promise for a little bit of cash so he could pay his rent. That was why he was here. “Then at least I’ll be getting the shit beat out of me.” The pain was an added bonus sometimes. It was better than decaying on the couch. At least he could go on knowing that he still felt the pain of life in his bones. The pain of human life.
“Listen. I don’t trust you. I don’t like you. The more you talk the more you remind me of that. So just shut up and let me do what I came here to do, okay?”
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