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favorite person: [gives me attention]

me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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we’re literally floating on a tiny planet in fucking space why are we surrounded by hatred and misery. why can’t everyone just calm the fuck down and lay on some grass. the sun is a GIANT BURNING ORB why does money exist. fuck everything

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Wolf. The Beginning.

You know, you have asked me this question a lot so I feel like it's finally time to answer it. You asked me why I loved you, and I could never come up with a reason why. And it's not because there weren't any. It's only because there are so many reasons that fly through my head that's it's too hard to pick just one. It's hard to put to words why I feel for you the way I do. And even writing this I won't ever be able to fully get you to grasp why, but I will try. Emma: my mate, my moon, my fox, my submissive, my best friend, my lover, the main thing that pops into my head when I think, "why do I love this girl" is she was there. She was present. This girl was the girl to whom I thought I hated. A girl that I assumed I knew and hated everything about. A girl that I didn't know a single god damn thing about but yet I was told that she deserved to be hated. I spent many times thinking about what our encounter would be like, would she say something snarky and piss me off, would I fight her, would I be a dick, would I even recognize her, but most of all, would I hate her? I always thought I would, I just knew that the people closest to me wouldn't lie to me. And yet there I was in the gym, obviously not by coincidence, speechless. I had envisioned our meeting millions of times but never had I seen where I would be unable to form words. A girl ballsy enough to introduce herself to me, even though I had threatened her. She had earned my respect from the start. I assumed she would leave but she didn't. She stood her ground and I couldn't help but admire that. I even loved it. If I wasn't so nervous I would have probably smiled. So there is the first thing that made me fall, the first piece that pushed me to love. This girl that I love was courageous, didn't give a shit what happened next, took the chance and earned my respect although she didn't know that. Of course that was just the start. In that same day she was able to make me laugh. Too nervous to look at the tall, blue eyed girl I kept my eyes down. Only looking when necessary, seems like some things never change. As soon as the word "goard" slipped past her lips I lost my shit. The first thought that crossed my mind was, why don't they like her. It took her all of ten minutes to make me laugh harder than I had in months. So there in the sauna, she earned another piece. This girl was humorous without even trying. An easy way to win me over. She spoke and I listened, she would soon learn that I am very talkative but I wanted to learn her first. Also, did I mention how nervous I was, because she made me that way, and still does. That was also never a scene I would have imagined, me being nervous around this messy headed girl. Then we have the day I tried my very best to get Kayce to hang out with this girl. If she could find a way to like her and get past their past I would get to see her more. If they were friends, she could be my friend. We had brought chalk to draw with all over the court. Artistic, musically inclined how lovely she could write more and more I was learning and I had yet to find something I didn't like. So as I was doing pull ups on the monkey bars blue eyes was sitting with my wife discussing her wedding plans with her fiancé. I was showing off doing pull ups and she wants to mention another girl? There I found the third piece, jealousy. The green eyed monster came out in me and I didn't fully understand why I was upset. I would look through her Pinterest with them and make comments like "oh that's cute" or "yeah I like that one the best" picturing me instead of the unknown girl that she would soon be marrying. So I did what I thought was right. Stand behind the women I was supposed to love and touch her the way I wanted to touch my soon to be best friend. But I thought I was doing the right thing, if I wasn't allowed to love her, I would love her from afar. I would find a way to make everyone else like her so I could spend time with her. Morristown. There she would take more little pieces and I would willingly let her. There she became my best friend and there I fell for my best friend. She seemed to have a song for anything I would say to her. That day we made a song our song without even needing to say it. Exciting. That was what she way, intriguing. Someone I could spend time with and not get bored. Just driving and having the time of my life. Vividly remembering trying to get kayce not to go with me because I wanted to be alone with her. And I didn't even understand why. Of course she had to say something like "if this is a test to see if I will flirt with your wife, it's not going to happen" I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I stuttered incoherently because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say. Making me seem like a fool because I wanted her to flirt with me, but why? Well, I'm explaining why at the moment. Friendship. My marriage was failing, my friendships were going to shit. I was lost. My wife didn't take my side and my friends were all against me. But she was there. My best friend that I didn't even know was my best friend. The girl that everyone wanted to blame for the drama, besides me, of course. There she was planted next to me. Seemingly not even questioning her decision. I was betrayed that day, by the person closest to me. And the one person who stood by me was the last person I would have ever assumed would be there. And she gained the most important piece from me. Trust. I've not looked back since. Alcoholism. Getting someone drunk is the best way to find out their intentions, how they truly feel. And I honestly believed she loved me. I don't even mean that she was in love with me. I just felt like she really was my best friend and I was okay with that. Because she loved me some way. She wanted me to spend time with her and she laughed and smiled a lot around me. Piece number 7? 8? She knew how to smile. Yeah she was obviously broken, and as fucked up as me. But her smile, her laugh, her happiness. It was contagious, she was contagious. The jealousy flared again as I watched her happiness turn from me to her wife. The first time I met her I didn't want to know her; didn't give her a chance. How could I? But I would never take away what I saw that night. The needy girl falling all over her wife and laughing. That's not why I didn't like her wife. I was happy seeing her smiling and enjoying life. Even if it was with someone else. No, I didn't like her wife because she wasn't giving her attention. She seemed more annoyed than amused. She seemed angry that my blue eyes best friend was happy and energetic. And I hated that. I hated seeing someone not appreciate her the way I wanted to. I hated the fact that I wasn't there when she fell on her face and gave herself a red spot on her head. But I hated even more that her wife didn't catch her. I learned my lesson quick though, the next time she did drunken yoga I held her, she probably didn't notice given her drunken state, but I did. I protected her. Made sure she would fall again. While her wife sat watching on the couch, not caring if she were to fall again. That's were my anger steamed from. But how could I be so angry when my best friend was being protected by me. I really couldn't be. Because she was still smiling and laughing and letting herself live in the moment. Doing drunken yoga being watched over by me. Everything was good. And there went another piece, it went to her free spirit. The one that was reckless. I loved every second of it. Knoxville. I was there every single day. Making sure she didn't need me there, I knew she could handle it herself because that's where another piece went. She was strong, physically and mentally, even though she didn't know that. But she didn't have to be strong all the time, because I was there to let her lean on me if she needed. Of course she was way too independent for that. I loved that. But I was there never the less. The feeling of distance still there because I couldn't see her, I couldn't go to her, but I was where she was. I was closer than I would have been in middlesboro. The edge. For as much as I stalked her blog there was still a possibility her blogging wasn't about me. No matter how much I wanted it to be. But it was, it was me, she had a crush on me but we both knew it was impossible. We would just have to live with it. And in the dimly light back porch of the edge she gained another piece. She was honest. She didn't have to be, it would have been easier on her to deny it and walk away, but she didn't. She was honest with me, and was willing to face rejection. The rejection never came only a smile that I tried to hold back because she didn't need to see the affect she had on me. Back to Knoxville. The backseat of my car had never held a more beautiful passenger. Those blue eyes staring into my soul as I bluntly sung songs to her. Wanting her to understand that she was important, that even if I couldn't have her, she would always know how I felt about her. Another piece slipped from my grasp as she would turn her head to the window but look at me sideways. It became my new favorite thing. It was gorgeous, breathtaking, heart wrenching and I couldn't get enough. I wanted her in my back seat as much as possible. (This would only become more true a week later) Heartbreak. The one thing constant through all that was happening was her. While my wife was pushing me away, my best friend kept me steady. Gave me a reason to fight for another day. Because I knew I would see those blue eyes and that bright smile. Just another day, keep going another day. She was loyal. She was there. She was keeping me stable. I needed her through it and she didn't let me down. And I have always been let down. But not her. No, not her. It may not have seemed like the best plan to jump from one person to the next but that wasn't what happened. To the outsiders looking in that's all they would see. But to me, it was inevitable. She would hug me or touch me, innocent really but it felt like so much more. Her touch I craved and I let another piece go. Anchor. She gave me that feeling of clam I needed when I didn't know how to handle what was next. Our touches became more than innocent and I didn't feel guilty. How could something so right be wrong? I didn't believe it. The way I felt wasn't wrong, nervous? Yes. Butterflies? Yes. Scared? Yes. But wrong? No. never. I never did and never regretted anything between us. I wanted it. I wanted her. And I knew I would never be able to deny myself. So I gave her the the second biggest piece, next to trust, my soul. Not the stupid soul mate shit though. I believe you can have many of those. All meaning different things. What I mean is more primal, deeper. Something no one but us can understand. I was mated. And I had been from the start. When I finally put a word to my feelings, everything made sense. She had me then, shit she had me since the first time she looked into my eyes. I just hadn't accepted it. But now I do. I've made mistakes Emily, mistakes I can never take back. Mistakes that I do not expect to ever be forgiven for. And I have to live with that. And I will live with that. But I want to show you I can be more. Because when we started I was willing to let this be for now because I thought you would run. We had both gotten out of a long term relationship and I didn't want you to run from me. I was okay with us living in the now because I felt that's what you needed. I'm still okay with living in the now as long as it is with you. My favorite part about saying for now is that it never had to end. It could mean forever or it could mean a day. But Emily I never told you I didn't see a future with you. Because I did. I just never mentioned it to you. I was afraid of how you would handle it. You told me you weren't monogamous, you said you didn't believe in marriage. And honestly I don't believe in marriage because I've only seen it fail. However you don't need a piece of paper to tell you how you feel about each other. I don't need joint accounts to hold you to me. I want you to want to be there. I want you to see a future with me. I would have never asked you to come with me, or asked you if you wanted to if I didn't see you in my future. If I didn't see us having stuff at each other's houses until maybe, when you were ready, living together. All the stupid relationship stuff didn't seem so stupid once I met you. Shoving ice cream in my face and kissing it off me. As clique as it is, I loved it. You make me happy, the purest kind of happy, the little kid seeing Disney world kind of happy. I'm not saying I won't be happy if you aren't mine, I'm just saying I would be happier if you were. I want to be with you. I want it so badly I can feel it in my bones. But I will never force you into anything. I want you to do what you think is best for you. If that's with kayla, then I will man up and take it. I will be here for you. I will be what you need me to be because that was the first promise I made to you and I'll never break it. If you decide you want someone else I will still be here. Because I love you. And as much as I'm in love with you, you are my best friend. And you are my mate. And I will never hold you back. I want what's best for you. No matter what that is. I'm always going to be here. That is something I will promise you. I'm yours. -🐺

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Wolf Vol. I

If there was anyone in the world that I would do anything for it would be you. I would be anything for you Emily. I will do anything for you. As much as it hurts. And it does. It hurts so much not knowing what you are going to do. Not knowing if I'll be enough for you. Not knowing if you are going to be sucked back into that relationship. But I will be here. I'll hurt for you. I don't care. As long as I can have something with you. As long as you are in my life I will be here for you. I'll protect you, I'll love you. I'll give you anything you want. You want the moon? I'll fucking go get it. I will get it for you. Anything. I just need you happy, and I'm terrified that I'm a part of the problem. I can be what you need of me. Someone to listen and to understand, someone to not judge, someone to be your friend, your god damn best friend, your lover, your mate, your girl. Anything. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be yours because I do. God I want it so bad. I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be yours. Because in my heart I am. And no one can take that away from me. But I will do whatever it takes for you to be happy. Anything Emily. Anything besides leave you. Because that is the only thing I can't do. I have to be a part of your life. That's all I ask of you. I'll wait for you forever. I don't care. I'll never look at another person the way I look at you. Believe it or not I don't care. I'm drunk and I know I'm telling the truth. Because I'm so fucking in love with you. And shit I have been since the day you asked to play truth or dare and tickled me. I can't get that back. I need you. I would have never admitted it to myself but I need you. You are amazing Emily. So different than anyone I've ever met. I act so different around you. You have the ability to make me unbelievably happy. Just being around you. Goofing off. I miss you. So fucking much. I just wish you could feel this ache in my chest. I've never felt anything like it. My wolf marked you for a reason. And I cannot wait to experience everything about it. Because if you decide that I'm worth it. That I'm worth the wait and the pain to kayla, we can do so much. I will take you every where. I want all of it with you Em. I want the cheesy dates where we dress up, or the Netflix and take out nights, the drive in movies, the traveling, the adventures we could get into, having some of our things at each other's place, if I'm lucky finally getting you to live in with me, buying you little shit that will hopefully mean something to you, letting you put huge amounts of ice cream in my mouth just to let you video it and then kiss it off, our new hikes, our Skype dates. All of it Emily. I want it with you. And I'm sorry I never told you how I really felt, but I've always wanted it. I wanted everything with you. The stupid relationship shit became so relevant when I met you. All the love songs had new meaning to me. I could see us doing all of these things. I love you. And that will never change. You will be the one person that no matter what I'll always love, and I will never forget or regret. So thank you. Thank you for letting me come into your life. Thank you for accepting me. And thank you for loving me, because I will never have another love like I do you. My mate, my V, my moon. It's you, it's always been you, and it will always be you. -🐺

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Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

William Shakespeare, The Tempest (via books-n-quotes)

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You loved me in places where others have been too afraid to love me in, including myself

Appreciated, (repost cause my favourite piece)  (via what-she-writes)

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How are you going to change the world, if you can’t change yourself ?

-broken limits (via what-she-writes)

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Me when my alarm goes off.

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