rerta

[rerta]

Lancey lancey

I'm ghetto and I'm fancy

[rerta]

soul too deep for meaningless relationships

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𝐌𝐲 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲: 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 + 𝐓𝐢𝐩𝐬 ✨

My backstory

I come from a West-African family, so growing up I was taught to act like a young lady. I am an ambivert, so when company would come to the house I was my mom’s mini hostess, but I loved my alone time. I loved getting dressed up in my dresses, lace bobby socks, and Mary Janes (I used to STEP for Resurrection Sunday).

My mother enrolled me in ballet at a young age (I fractured my wrist playing soccer so she put an end to that, much to my daddy’s dismay). I trained as a dancer for 17 years and was captain & choreographer of my high school dance team for 2 years. I am so grateful that my mom did that, being a dancer taught me grace and elegance.

As I matured into a preteen, I became really self-conscious. I was one of the few black students at my predominantly white middle school and I wanted to be ”pretty like them”. I didn't understand why my mother didn't let me straighten or relax my curls, or why she was so strict about letting me hang out with my friends. I began to isolate myself and I essentially stopped trying.

My ultra-feminine friends started to abandon me because I was no longer fit in with them. At that point, I was a tomboy who wore her brother’s t-shirts and sneakers to school every day. The only time I felt feminine as a preteen/teenager was when I was dancing. The choreography, the costumes, the makeup, always managed to bring out that feminine side I had suppressed.

It wasn't until my freshman going into sophomore year of college that I began to take inventory of my femininity or this case, my lack thereof. I wanted more out of life. I wanted to attract the man of my dreams. I wanted to become my ideal self, so I started researching, and YouTube became my best friend. I watched so many videos on how to enhance your femininity and what I learned from those videos as well as my own persona trial and error has brought me to a place where I can proudly say that I fully embrace my femininity and am proud to be a feminine woman.

My feminine tips + practices:

Inside Renovations:

Your inside character will be a direct reflection of your outward appearance. Somethings I did:

I developed a mindset that allowed femininity to come into it and enrich my life.

I worked on my articulation.

I relearned etiquette and manners.

I did a lot of introspection and started seeing a therapist get to the root of why I wanted to suppress my femininity.

It sounds very corny and a bit played out, but I really got in touch with my inner child.

This led me back to nature, and being gentle, and remembering that I am a daughter of the most high.

I treated myself delicately, and with the same grace that I gave others.

I started putting myself first.

I found hobbies and ways to entertain myself while simultaneously enriching my life. I described my hobbies in a post that you can view, here.

Outward aesthetics:

A friend of my sister used to say ”Obviously it matters who you are on the inside, but a man can't see your inside. So on the outside, you have to look like a girl worth getting to know on the inside.” So now, I was worried about making sure I presented well on the outside, now that I had done the work on the inside. Somethings I did:

I started investing in my skincare products and being more consistent and detailed when I did it.

I totally gutted my wardrobe. I got rid of anything that didn't represent the me I was trying to get in touch with. I got rid of a lot of the stuff I had leftover from middle school and slowly started building my wardrobe with intention. I also joined a modeling organization at my university, and they helped me improve the way I dress.

If I were to describe my style, it would be a mix of very classic, elegant pieces, minimal pieces, with a sprinkling of streetwear. Don't get me wrong, I still love sneakers, I just style them differently now.

I learned how to do my hair and makeup. I look at old pictures of my makeup from my freshman year of college and ugh, I could just scream it was so bad!

I definitely stopped following makeup trends and had a makeup expert teach me how to do a very light beat and since then I've been able to create my own signature look.

I started experimenting with perfume. I started seeing which notes I liked, that meshed well with my body, and had a decent longevity. There is one thing I will always splurge on and that is perfume. I wrote an entire guide to fragrance that you can view, here.

I started consistently grooming myself. I have always been hygienic, but when it came to grooming like hair removal, mani + pedis, and things like that, I was super inconsistent. Last year, I went to the NFL draft and saw the girlfriends of these now professional athletes and how well-groomed they looked. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't think twice about taking care of myself.

I started seeing a dermatologist and esthetician regularly to help my skin look even better. I stayed on top of my medical appointments (Physicals, Dental, Gyno).

I also started seeing a chiropractor/massage therapist regularly. I tend to carry a lot of stress in my upper back/neck, and I used to have a chronic neck cracking problem.

I started getting my nails done bi-weekly, and my feet done monthly.

I started getting my eyebrows, eyelashes, and waxes done monthly.

I will not lie, this level upkeep is expensive, but it is so worth it to me to feel like even on my ”off days” I’m still presenting my best self.

Boundaries + Standards:

Recently, I had to end a very toxic friendship because I found out how manipulating and toxic this person was. This made me realize how little I vet people before allowing them to come into my life.

Another example would be a guy I started dating before quarantine started. I told him that I wasn't having sex with him for a while but nevertheless, he tried to put me in situations to fall back on my words. Needless to say, I ended things with him as well.

It was these two incidents that made me realize that I need to establish and enforce boundaries, and not care about who I have to leave behind in order to protect myself.

Some boundaries I put in place for dating look like:

No last-minute dates.

No phone calls past 11:00 PM.

Netflix and chill doesn't exist in my world.

No being forced to chase love, affection, or attention.

No mothering anyone's son.

No dating anyone who dates multiple people.

No entertaining someone who's emotionally unavailable.

Some standards I have for dating look like:

No drive by/ coffee dates

Must have a job, their own place of residence, a car, etc.

Must be gentlemanly and integral.

No criminal record.

Emotionally and physically available.

Effective at communication and conflict resolution.

Values his health and wellness.

Constantly works toward improving himself.

My darling ladies, there you have it! My long-awaited and highly requested femininity post! I hope this information helps you in your femininity journey 💕✨

[rerta]

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This won’t make your blog look ugly. How could you not reblog this? REBLOGGING THIS COULD SAVE A LIFE!!!

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What love looks like….

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Went to college immediately after high-school...now I feel lost so yeah do things on your time

My boyfriend didn’t go to university until he was 28 because he didn’t feel anywhere near ready when he was 18. He graduated with first-class honours, went on to do a Masters, and is now a history teacher. It’s so much more important to do things when you’re able to fully commit to them and do them to the best of your ability than to rush to do them by an imaginary deadline.

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Video Resources <3

Etiquette!

Learn your basic etiquette skills!

Learn your daily etiquette skills!

Learn how to fix your standing posture!

Learn how to fix your sitting posture!

Learn how to host a dinner party!

Learn how to be a savvy hostess!

Learn about the Vienna Ball Season!

Learn how to write a thank you card!

Learn how to write a letter of condolences!

Learn about dining etiquette!

Learn about afternoon tea etiquette!

Learn how to ace a job interview!

Learn how to give and receive gifts!

Grooming and Skincare!

Learn how to thread your eyebrows!

Learn how to thread thick eyebrows!

Learn how to tweeze your eyebrows!

Learn how to shape your eyebrows!

Learn how to tint your eyebrows!

Learn how to do your own eyelash extensions!

Learn how to apply Lashify!

Learn how to use Lashify!

Learn how to dermaplane your face!

Learn how to do a facial lymphatic massage!

Learn how to use a Gua Sha!

Learn how to begin a skincare routine!

Learn about The Ordinary Skincare!

Learn how to get rid of hyperpigmentation!

Learn how to do glass skin!

Learn how to do microneedling!

Makeup!

Learn how to apply false lashes!

Learn how to apply false lashes underneath!

Learn how to apply dewy makeup!

Learn how to apply glowy glam makeup!

Learn how to apply minimalist makeup!

Learn how to apply simple glam makeup!

Learn how to do a daily makeup look!

Learn how to apply cocoa brown makeup!

Learn how to apply business casual makeup!

Learn how to apply IG baddie makeup!

Learn how to highlight and contour!

Learn how to style blue eyeshadow!

Learn how to apply smoky winged liner!

Learn how to overline your lips!

Learn how to apply nose contour!

Learn how to apply eyeshadow!

Haircare + Styling!

Learn how to curl your hair!

Learn how to wash your sew-in!

Learn how to sew-in a closure!

Learn how to go without baby hair!

Learn how to go with baby hair!

Learn how to install a closure wig!

Learn how to relax your hair!

Learn how to install a frontal!

Learn how to blow your hair out!

Learn how to do a bouncy blow dry!

Learn eleven lovely natural styles!

Learn how to condition 4C hair!

Learn how to wrap your hair!

Learn how to do box braids!

Learn how to do medium sized box braids!

Learn how to do jumbo box braids!

Learn how to do knotless braids!

Learn how to do jumbo braids with beads!

Learn how to do passion twists!

Learn how to do short passion twists!

Learn how to do long passion twists!

Learn how to do Bantu knots!

Learn how to cornrow!

Learn how to use Olaplex!

Learn how to revive a wig!

Learn how to do my favourite hairstyle!

Learn how to cut curtain bangs!

Nail Styling!

Learn how to shape your nails!

Learn how to file your nails!

Learn how to strengthen your nails!

Learn how to paint your nails!

Learn how to give yourself a french manicure!

Learn how to choose a polish!

Learn how to apply press-on nails!

Learn how to apply acrylic nails!

Learn how to do easy acrylic nails!

Learn how to master acrylic nails!

Learn how to do gel nails + tips!

Learn how to use gel polish!

Learn how to do a gel manicure!

Learn to give yourself a pedicure!

Learn how to cut your toenails!

Learn how to shape your toenails!

Learn how to do acrylic toenails!

Learn how to do easy acrylic toenails!

Learn how to do a white gel pedicure!

Learn how to do a gel pedicure!

Learn how to remove gel polish!

Learn how to remove acrylic nails!

Linsi <3

[rerta]

How to Make the Most of Today

1. Choose not to feel too anxious or to fear what’s in the future. Often, things turn out much better than we thought they would do.

2. Allow yourself to dream about - and then plan for - the future. But still work hard today as that determines your tomorrow.

3. Don’t simply grit your teeth and try to make it through the day. Decide to find the positives, and good things on the way.

4. Don’t rest on your successes as that was yesterday. The past has gone forever but the future lies ahead.

5. Let go of hurts and grievances: they’ll only pull you down, consume your energy and leave you feeling sad and tired.

6. Be optimistic, smile and have a positive outlook. It brightens how you feel, and helps us get the most from life.

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Am I the only one longing for a random online friend that I can tell anything to and not feel judged?

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Solange “Binz” (2019)

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23 Emotions people feel, but can’t explain

Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Opia: The ambiguous intensity of Looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.

Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.

Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.

Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.

Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.

Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.

Vemödalen: The frustration of photographic something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist.

Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening

Ellipsism: A sadness that you’ll never be able to know how history will turn out.

Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence.

Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.

Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.

Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

Rückkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness.

Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore.

Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.

Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.

Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you’ve been gnawing on for years.

Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

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Incase anyone needed to hear it...Stay

this is so powerful.

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This is a sign

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One thing about GOD, when he see you trying. He’ll handle the rest.