rkrachel

[rkrachel]

@yienrk:

[ sms ] i'm coming back soon... i think... december is sketchy [ sms ] i'll see if i can drop at won's... even if it's not at the company we can meet there right? [ sms ] not to be cheesy or anything... in other words I MISS YOU

{ outgoing  ⇾ } sketchy.. meaning that you don’t know if baek jiyoung has decided she’s done hating the producers or not? hahahaha { outgoing  ⇾ } of course, you know you’re always welcome { outgoing  ⇾ } oh no.. cheesy, i might die { outgoing  ⇾ } i miss you too though. your schedule sucks 😭

#sms; #yienrk #good on tumblr for being a block LMFAO

[rkrachel]

notrachelgreen  22m ago

🍷

#ig;

[rkrachel]

Just like you baby. ♡ 

#rach;

[rkrachel]

rkluna‌: 

i do, rachel says, and luna finds it hard to believe, even after her explanation. she mostly thinks rachel is just saying it to try and put any animosity behind her, and while she can’t really blame her for that attitude, she wants her to understand. she wants the rachel, shortly after she arrived in sphere again, that seemed so annoyed by luna’s lingering resentment, to know that her feelings aren’t ridiculous. they’re rooted in reason, and more than rachel can probably imagine. 

she sighs though, ducking her head, nodding, glad they’re at least in agreement on the current state of their relationship. she eyes rachel’s extended hand skeptically– meets her eyes so she knows she still doesn’t fully buy any of this. she doesn’t believe rachel is here to stay; she thinks so much of rachel will have a tendency to take flight, and that she’ll never outgrow it. she’s sure rachel will grow bored of sphere again soon enough and consider picking up and leaving, luna’s opinion never taken into account, and it’s because of that that she keeps her guard up. part of luna wants to believe her, though. she rolls her eyes, and takes rachel’s hand, giving it a firm shake before letting it go. “if you go back on that promise we’re going to be in a worse place than ever,” she practically threatens. it’ll be good, next time rachel considers quitting, for her to keep it in mind.

“if i go back on that promise feel free to murder me yourself,” rachel laughs, though she knows luna’s weighty words aren’t joking. it’s a relief though, to be one step closer to rebuilding a bridge she burnt down so long ago- even if luna doesn’t fully trust her again, yet. more than baek jiyoung, rachel wants to prove to luna that things are different this time, on more levels than either of them can probably imagine, and that even though there’s no changing the past, she wants a future with her, with eve, and with the company too.

she half sighs, and scoots her chair closer to luna’s, back to a mildly somber tone. “i am sorry, luna.” and it’s true, because despite luna’s willingness to try again, she knows its on less lenient terms, thin ice if anything. but it’s a start, and she’ll take what she can get, though beggars can’t be choosers. “what are you working on now?

back to the start ;

#rkluna #p;backtothestart #sphere;

[rkrachel]

rkssoojin‌: 

“i feel like it’s pretty emotional.” she had only heard the song and then she found the english lyrics, it took some time learning even those. it was easy to guess the mood so she could perform it. a slow moody beat, it sounded sad and wistful. it wasn’t until she got her friend to translate that she really understood it.

“i know that…i just get so..anxious performing in front of people. it’s fine when i’m with a group or with my friends, but alone…” soojin didn’t need to anymore. she didn’t do her best on her own and thrived when she had been with her group. “i’m working on it..the show was a good way to start seriously improving.” 

at soojin’s admittance of being nervous, rachel offers a sympathetic smile. not everyone was made to do things solo, and it took a certain baseline confidence to be able to do so. “performing alone forces you to make up for the lack of other voices,” she offers, “being in a group is more comfortable because you can hide during vocals you’re not so sure about.”

at mention of the mgas, rachel again can’t help but be thankful that she’s never been around for it. never felt the need to compete in that way. “the show was definitely valuable experience, i’m sure.” she laughs, “it helps give you a bit stronger mentally, and have better nerves.” and that much she knew to be true, “i’m sure you’ll do great.”

love lies / rachel & soojin

#rkssoojin #p;lovelies #sphere;

[rkrachel]

            06.17.16

there are mornings still where i wake up, and swear that it’s the middle of summer where we pretend that everything is okay and laugh behind curtains swaying in front of the open window morning sun peeking through on a cloudless day

when i stepped on your feet twice,  and you elbowed the table. and we shared coffee instead of opinions

---

there are no more lazy mornings with you, and the curtains i pull back in the morning don’t billow the same way ours once did but my love is genuine, and the sun still shines

                                                                                                                i hope you find yours

#entries; #honestly i don't know what this is LOL but there's probably a headcanon i haven't written yet about her journal

[rkrachel]

#rach;

[rkrachel]

notrachelgreen

decisions decisions

#ig;

[rkrachel]

rkssoojin‌:

“thanks for listening.” it had been the first words that came out of her mouth once they ducked into one of the recording studios. she wasn’t sure if she should tat on the sunbae to rachel now. it felt weird but those were company dynamics right? either way. she wanted to see if training had improved her skills a singer in the months she had been here. there was no better to way to show it than to do some busking but she wanted to be prepared. 

she had practiced enough by herself. now she wanted to sing in front of a other person before she took the streets. it would help learn to have confidence when she was by herself. “thanks for listening to me..the song i’m thinking about doing is called love lies.” 

“oh it’s no problem” rachel replies easily, partially still on a bit of a high since soojin asked for her own review. it’s understandable in a way, but more confusing than anything. (maybe she wanted to hear from another dancer, rather than one of the other girls more classically trained in singing, she thinks.)

her brows raise at the song title, unfamiliar to her, but intriguing. “ah, it sounds like it will be emotional already,” she teases, taking a seat. “don’t forget that part of performing is your displays of emotion too, you have to fully sell it.” she would know, after busking herself for a year, and the fake niceties played while modelling. 

love lies / rachel & soojin

#rkssoojin #p;lovelies #sphere;

[rkrachel]

                      a letter to you... ( @kibumrk​ )            dated: july 23rd, 2018 - post breakup

Kibum -

How do I say thank you for a whirlwind of years knowing each other? I don't know whether you saved me or we saved each other, but we're here, and I'm thankful. I regret the way we broke up, not that we did, but how. You and I are so similar sometimes that we couldn't be more different, and I think we've reached a point in our lives where we've both accepted different paths we'd like to go. We've grown together, and for now, I feel better that we grow apart from one another- to become more of our own people as you follow your career and I figure out mine. I don't regret our year of true togetherness, but maybe our timing was wrong. Maybe neither of us are the match for each other either, as much as we tried to be. Maybe we are better as friends than partners, for now at least.

I used to dream about a future with you, one where sphere and being idols was a distant memory or never happened, and we were just two people in love starting lives together. I still think there's an alternate universe where that is what happened, and that it's much less complicated than here. I never wanted to ask you to give up your dream for mine, and I think that's where we began to fall apart instead of closer together. I plan, for everything, and you like to control the flow that you go with. With bitter-sweetness I still think about the different words I could have said or how things could have turned out differently. I know so much about you and your family and you know so little about me and mine. Maybe if I shared more you would have understood me better- my stupidly incessant need for reassurance and stability, or why sometimes I can't sleep at all instead of the reasons I've given you before.

A part of me will always love you, the part that liked you from the moment we met and you were just a lost guy in an office building, both of us needing a hand up from our pasts- both running away from something; I dreamed of a relationship with you, building a future for both of us. But time changes people just as much as people naturally change, and teenage daydreams don't always come true. I picture a future differently than I used to, and maybe it’s alone or with someone that's not you, or someone i’m destined to meet as a different me, just as you will too. I don't know what's in store for my own future yet, but I know that it's here where our paths diverge. I'm still figuring it out, like everyone is.

There's three different me's now; the one that stays alone and throws herself into a career and has nothing more. the one that waits for you, even if it takes twenty years just because her love is that strong. And the one that I'm discovering- the person who loves herself first and feels a little lost sometimes, but wants the best for both of us, and moves on.

I'm moving on.

Not with anger, or bitterness, but with a little sorrow and gratefulness for what we did have together- because I wouldn't trade it for a thousand lifetimes. I will always support you, Kibum, if only as a friend if you allow me to. I'm learning what's right for me, and what's right for you too. There's someone better suited than I am, that will wait years and years for you that I can't, and will love you more than I've ever been capable, and you'll find them and know, and one day, I hope, understand where I am now in my own growth.

Always supporting you, Rachel

#loooooool thought i'd gush on my ooc feelings for #rkfifth #nope. just a surprisingly heartbreaking keychel letter from july that never got published #:>

[rkrachel]

"you look fucking ridiculous," rachel instantly repeats mockingly in response to sungho's critique. she really agrees with him though, and thank god it wasn't an outfit for a public event but for comedy instead- and a complete loss of dignity for the rest of the week. catallena as a song was a partial guilty pleasure, the outfits for said song, not so much.

"suddenly i'm thankful he's not here in person to see this," she jokes, though she fails to follow the verbal joke with a smile, instead offering something more forlorn, knowing that even though she had done well at pretending to feel fine about it, she wasn't- not exactly. "you know he would have hated this evaluation though, right? he would have lived to make fun of everyone's outfits right now too.. " she sighs, and then shrugs. what can you do? "both of you better delete that photo, i swear to god."

less than best dressed.

@rkrachel

“you look fucking ridiculous.” everything about this evaluation fucking sucks, all faked humor and forced laughs, but at least sungho isn’t in a shitty sparkly costume that looks like a party city knock off. rachel is pretty, all long limbs and slim figure fitting of her modelling background, but not even she can make the outfit look better than it does. and it looks god damn awful.

he has half a mind to snap a pic and send it to inho to roast to his heart’s content. the other man is much better at verbally destroying a look, and sungho’s sure he’d have a field day with this one. so he does, without even asking rachel for permission. he’s sure she’ll agree anyways when she learns who it’s going to.

“inho’s gonna get a kick out of this.” sungho misses him. not that he doesn’t see him anymore, but he misses him at seocho. he should be here right now, an arm slung carelessly around sungho’s shoulders in a way that he only allows when they’re solely in the company of trusted friends, and laughing against his side at some snide comment about rachel’s costume. a frown flits across his face. fate had other plans for sungho’s favorite boy.

[rkrachel]

truth be told, working with eve and luna for an eval again, just the three of them, was as exciting as it was a mildly terrifying reflection of three years ago- a startling parallel yet with so many different levels of circumstances. and maybe, in some sort of weird way, it's a harbinger of truly starting to get back to normal; because back in the day, doing an eval together wouldn't have been a question, and lately, even though they've all slowly worked back toward some semblance of what they used to have, this one feels like a real step.

doing catallena for a comedy evaluation with them is arguably one of the most fun ones she's ever done, and when they all realize that the roles for the song parallel their own roles, it makes working on it even better. and though this really isn't a song she would choose on her own for anything, luna's choice proves to be one of the best that she's heard out of the songs and skits floating around seocho.

once again they're having fun, all of them together like the musketeers that they were- yelling throughout the practice room and executing moves perfectly under rachel's gentle guidance. and when they perform on the pseudo stage in potentially the most tacky outfits she would ever take part in, she's grinning, and having the best time of her life because finally, it feels like everything is settling- like all the puzzle pieces finally fit together.

#rknov18eval #solo; #this will be polished up later but for now I return to my movie LOL

[rkrachel]

161026 // fri. sat. sun

#rach;

[rkrachel]

Sometimes when they say the monster in their belly is unloveable you should just believe them instead of throwing your songbird heart in and making them prove it.

Rebeka Anne, you are not the exception

#quo;

[rkrachel]

notrachelgreen

took eighteen hours home for the holidays 🖤

#ig;

[rkrachel]

rkxeve‌:  

eve walks as close to rachel as she can without making either of them fall over. the warmth of the other’s body next to hers is welcome in this chill, but soon enough they’re walking inside through one of the courtyard’s several doors, and eve relaxes a bit, giving rachel a bit more space without moving away completely. “ah, central heating…” she sighs, bringing her thermos up to her lips once more. 

she turns slightly to look at rachel’s expression when her voice changes, and she sees sadness there. “what’s wrong with the apartment?” she asks bluntly, though her voice is quiet. she thinks she can figure it out based on what apparently happened with her and the convex member kibum back in april, but she wants to hear what rachel has to say about it. this is kind of eve’s way of seeing how much rachel trusts her – or rather, how much she’s willing to open up to her. eve knows that rachel trusts her, but she also suspects that rachel sees her like a little sister, someone who needs to be protected. eve wants to know just how much rachel wants to keep from her for the sake of eve’s feelings, and perhaps at the cost of her own. 

“oh,” eve’s question gives her pause, enough time to allow her brain to think of responses that sound better than ‘it’s still a sore subject’ or ‘nothing’. she knows eve’s inquiry comes from a place of concern, and the younger’s always been that way, but still, it feels uncomfortable to open up to many people- something she’s still learning to get over and accept. 

“it’s just that.. hmm...” rachel isn’t sure how to respond but with honesty, though she’s wary of what eve might say, if she might disprove, though her rationale tells her differently. “it’s just a burden for now.. .i think.” she confesses, though she smiles sheepishly afterwards, “i think i’m still kind of adjusting, living outside of it, you know?” not a lie and not a complete truth, but the most comfortable way she can express how she’s feeling lately, and she can only hope eve understands.

fall away-;

#rkxeve #p;fallaway #sphere;

[rkrachel]

rkjinkis‌:  

jinki likes the notifications from his family. it makes him feel.. safe. that this is one part of the world where he can peel his layers away and be reminded that this is home. he’s not yet realised that a variation of home could be the dorms, despite his efforts to make it for everyone else, he still struggles quietly with that concept. so when jinki can go home or be reminded of his actual home, he fully embraces the idea with open arms.

he hangs up his jacket when he enters, and it’s upon removing his shoes he’s attacked by three little rascals. ahyoung’s dog appears to be blending in well with katsu and donkatsu, so he’s relieved that nothing has been torn up or broken. then again, he’s pretty sure his family wouldn’t tell him because he’s the epitome of a worry wort. “did you also find those missing honey chips? i swear, i left them in my guitar case..” that sly grin is mirrored onto his face as he wraps an arm around her, briefly pulling her in for a tight hug. “missed you too, by the way. and i ordered more honey chips— they’ll arrive tuesday. bless you, amazon gods.”  

at the sight of a glaring cat, jinki just has to pull away and scoop up maverick. family had to be met, and the pets sure were family. “did you annoy them all when i was gone, huh? did you? when rachel debuts, you’re going to have to annoy her so much, she wouldn’t want to leave.” after a few moments of ear rubs, he decides to briefly pop into the kitchen and give his mom a back hug and his (step)dad a fist bump. he missed her. he missed this entire family. knowing not to bother his parents any further, he decides to return and drape over the couch dramatically.

“ohhh, i missed this.” he admits earnestly, peaking up from his spot to smile at rachel. “i really did.”

at the mention of honey chips, rachel hushes more than quickly, though her silence doesn’t stop the half-sneaky grin in response. “well maybe you shouldn’t leave them in such irresponsible places,” she retorts, “you’re going to make katsu more chubby,” a half whine of upset follows, though she returns jinki’s hug just as tightly. 

having a familiar presence (and someone to distract their parents from asking rachel the same question in twenty different ways) is a relief and a comfort all in one- even if it’s going to be short lived. she watches as jinki makes his way around all the pets before finding their parents in the kitchen, and laughs when maverick meows in protest when he realizes his petting session is over. 

“i know you did,” she chirps, pushing his legs over so she can sit. “and you won’t in about two hours when you get the same ten questions about whether you’re eating enough or doing laundry like you’re supposed to, i’m sure.” rachel teases, though she knows that jinki is doing well, as well as he can with the life changes at least. “mom already complains that you guys are being worked too hard. just wait until you’re more popular.”

over the roar-;

#rkjinkis #p;overtheroar #sphere;