romeowsblog

[romeowsblog]

Came home to find my bedroom window open. It's just a little but i know it wasnt open before. In fact it was slammed shut. I feel violated i dont know if someone got inside of if they just opened the window. But i hate hate hate this

I wish i could change stuff i wish this could end already

[romeowsblog]

Had a strange dream but in the dream there was a vibe that i was happy and taken and then i get actually a little bit of cute romance and then im woken up by my alarm only then ti realize who i had dream of falling in love with

#the idea of us being together once excime #once *excited me #now the knly thing i could say when i woke up and realzied was “ew no”.

[romeowsblog]

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Im actually so happy that i am single and have no one to waste my time or feelings on im really enjoying being alone and not having to worry about how cute i look all the time or worrying that my body is not that great or appealing to a certain person. Im also happy that i can get emotionally attached to a random guy and them forget about him within two weeks, i like throwing my feelings and riding them out until im done and then moving on to another crush and riding it out instead of just havi one boring human to hang all my feelings on. This way i dont expect much and dont get disappointed when nothing comes of it. This way i dont go to bed crying because this certain person said a word i didnt like or hinted at something that hurt me, thos way i can stay in my own bubble and not worry about another family gettig tangled in my business this way i dont have to worry about the money beig saved for my future this way i can think about my deathw tihout the consequences affecting another person who tied their life to mine

#. #now we wait

[romeowsblog]

my mom keeps telling me how sad it makes her feel that she cant vent to her mother or her sisters because it feels like they wont respect her feelings or even use the info against her,,, so i always try to listen and be there for her but it really really hurts having to hold all that in when i cant even tell her the simplest of stuff because she will react so dramatically and makes everything seem ten times worse instead of making it feel better i wish i=oh god i wish she would reflect on how she feels and try to be better or me but i dont think she ever thinks stuff like that. i once tried to tell her how growing up with both my parents suffering financialy as the oldest child with two siblings who were mostly in and out of the hospital made me feel like a burden and made me feel like i cant not afford anything ever, even now that i have a job and money (a little amount but stilll enough) that i still feel like things are too expensive for me and she made me feeel even more guilty because its silly and i shouldnt feel like that and i couldnt even tell her that its not an easy thing to unlearn now ,,, there are so so so many things i want to tell her i want to cry in her arms and tell her about my struggles but it never feels right or appropriate it always feels like i have to go through this world alone and just keep things in until i die on other news yesterday in my dreams i died and the only thing i thought after "oh no id ont want to die" is "oh maybe i will meet my cat" so thats another thing i would tell my therapist if i had one anyway gn

[romeowsblog]

Yes!!!! Thank you i didnt think i would actually find it so thanks

Anyone has any idea about the prinxiety fic where roman and virgil are soulmatee but virgil is dead snd patton and logan are angels or reapers who have accidentally killed virgil but they help bring back him to life ? I read it long ago but cant remember the name and been wanting to reread it. It was on ao3 but i dont know by who

[romeowsblog]

Welp. At least i tried really hard this time

I still failed but at least i tried. 15 days left to the new years and im going to do it and go into it clean and sober even if it actually kills me

[romeowsblog]

Guess who caught a cold

[romeowsblog]

Oh snap i guess it is a flashback sort of day.

#not good ofc #just really triggering and depressing

[romeowsblog]

God i miss my cat so so so muchhh.... i want him back. I need him back. Every time i think aboht him i feel like crying. I miss him. Is he even still alive????? Please let the answer be yes please god because i dont think i will be able to make it without him,, please brig him back home i will do anything and everything so please

[romeowsblog]

Had a nice dream where i was learning German and i met this really nice and attractive doctor guy and was having really good time talking to him until i realized he was 8 years younger than me and woke up in cold sweat and if that doesnt explain my mental state at the moment i dont know what does

[romeowsblog]

I want to really really die but i know that dying right now is worst than staying alive. I keep relapsing every time i thi k im better i relapse each time i lie and say im getting better im gonna stop but then just fall right back. i want toget better but each time it seems impossible. Life is depressing mu cat is gone i feel horri le i keep making stupid decisions because im not awake i keep relapsing which keeps leading me to awful thing the mistake wasn't even that bightbut i cant afford the smallest of mistakes why why why me. Why cant my brain function why cant my body stop messing up why the fuck cant life just go on why.

[romeowsblog]

Im still alowed to day dream about him even if i dont remember his face ok

[romeowsblog]

Relapsed after 40 daysl9ve that for me

[romeowsblog]

I didn’t get my crush to like me back and i lost my cat who was basically the only reason i kept going. How am i going to hold for the rest of the year????

#spoiler i am not

[romeowsblog]

I feel like my soul is slowly withering as i wait for him to come home again. I dont think ill ever be the same

[romeowsblog]

Protip try dissociation when your mom is complaining this way you can avoid growing up as a bitter adult like her

[romeowsblog]

I swear to god it feels like my soul is held together by rusty pins and double faced duct tape

#romeo my beloved #come back please #without you im literally just a pile of depressed bones