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(for the purposes of this poll, there is no monkey's paw situation: the chore you pick stays the same level of difficulty/grossness/etc. as it normally is for you, and you only have to do it as often as you want to. the chores you don't pick are magically done for you exactly the way you'd want them to be, just with zero effort on your part.)

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how many siblings do you have? (includes stepsiblings, halfsiblings, full siblings, and siblings-in-laws)

only child

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten+

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another one: if no one votes on this poll everyone wins (you don't win nothing specific tho but like. you win)

do not vote

do not vote

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some loser: humans are innately selfish creatures

my psych book:

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Y’know what? Fuck you. *Plays an acoustic guitar version of your leitmotif to show you still have tenderness and care in your heart, and compassion for others*

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

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before the poll, a quick definition of terms:

"mutual" - you found this post from a mutual (on their blog or your dash) "following" - you found this post from someone you're following, but who isn't following you "random" - you found this by scrolling through someone's blog, who you don't follow. this includes people following you "For You" - you found this on the For You page "recommended" - you found this in a "Check out these blogs" popup, or a "recommended" post when looking at a different post "other" - you found this post some other way. comment how? "reblog ✅" - you're going to reblog, queue, or schedule this post "reblog ❌" - you're NOT going to reblog, queue, or schedule this post

with that out of the way:

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are you okay?

yes

yes (lying)

i don't know

i will be

no

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Don't imagine Zagreus when Melinoë was born. Don't imagine him seeing her and immediately knowing he would do anything to protect her. Don't imagine him being excited to be a big brother; to give the love and attention and patience he never really had growing up. (Sure, he had Mother Night, but he never understood why his father hardly ever paid attention to him for anything other than to enforce his lessons. Something always felt off..) Don't imagine the joy he felt, posing for that family portrait.

Don't imagine the fear he felt when the House got attacked by Time itself. Don't imagine him doing everything he could to protect his family; his newborn baby sister.

Don't imagine him thinking, for all those years, that he failed.

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In the first picture Zagreus is shorter than Persephone because he is standing one step below, he is still the youngest member of the family and barely stepping into his role on the house as Prince. He is supperposed with the image of his parents gazing lovingly into each other, he is integrated with his figures but still feels like slightly distanced from them, like a teenager trying to find the way they present themselves. After seeing him the whole game with other clothes it feels weird to see him wearing that tunic and his lance is comically big.

In the second picture he is taller than his mom and almost at the same level as his father, he is being embraced by him but his head points out from Hades's shoulder, he is fully integrated into the family but is also respected and acknowledged by all the gods as the one who reunited them. He mimics the posture of both his mother and father, leaning over Melinoë (bathing in her light) and embracing her with his hand (ready to protect her). His elegant clothes fit him and resemble the style of the Palace, even without his crown you recognise him as a Prince of Hades.

He grew up so much between this games. Probably embraced his role as a protector of the underworld population. Seems comfortable wearing his father clothes, he holds himself with authority, he earned respect in his realm. He became an adult. He loved his little sister, look at how his gazed is fixed on her, his smile might be even bigger than the one on his mother.

Hades looks peaceful and calm, he is probably smiling too. Persephone is wearing a light dress, similar to the ones she wore on the surface, without obligations. She wrapped her daughter with a shawl like the ones she used to wear. They are all dressed without their "royal" outfits. Before being the underworld rulers, they are a family welcoming a baby. They loved Melinoë so much. They would have devoted their lives to her until she was old enough to stand on her own. They would have given her all of the time of the day. They were ready to do things right this time.

.

Death to Cronos.

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If you come in you don’t have to come out

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how?? just how?

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Horniness is not intrinsically less pure than any other human motivation