finished rewatching a bunch of rvb seasons and noticed how wash always stayed behind/never put himself out there on his missions during pfl and then sacrificing himself in every other situation with the reds and blues?? staying behind after felix and locus attacked even when he had the opportunity to run to the cave. offering to stay behind on chorus to finish the war while the reds and blues had the chance to fly off the planet and go home. staying behind to fight felix and locus at the temple bridge. sacrificed himself again to save the universe during the shisno trilogy knowing he would struggle for the rest of his life.
being in the background of each mission during pfl cost him everything (cause he never truly was at the top of the leaderboard, we just see him the most because he is our main character as the viewer, but for pfl, he was just another guy, the worst fighter, the young, naive kid who got a grappling hook stuck to his balls). he survived, but at what cost? he lost connie, lost york and north and maine and all of his friends. the director he trusted and had total faith in betrayed him. the ai implantation scarred him for life. but he survived.
so he'll be damned if he survives again, but has to watch another family die.