samwisegamgeeee

[samwisegamgeeee]

Hey just so you all know when you google Preminger this is the third image that pops up

[samwisegamgeeee]

every time i go out at night theres a monster

[samwisegamgeeee]

at work the other day i was cutting up avocados and one had a tiny seed and i was like to my coworker “me when i have a tiny seed” and she said “i dont know what that means”

[samwisegamgeeee]

[samwisegamgeeee]

me: “yeah I dated a guy in high school who came out as gay. it was before i knew i was a boy so needless to say it didn’t work out”

coworker: “damn dude was preordering”

[samwisegamgeeee]

My family has started calling my cat "the beast" which is very funny considering she's a 19yo arthritic old lady who needs help up and down the stairs. Not to mention she doesn't really meow any more, just sits and stares at you, and im the only one who can reliably guess what she wants, so my parents are constantly messaging me "The beast awakens... I know not what she desires 😥😥" i feel like the chosen prophet of an eldritch god

[samwisegamgeeee]

*gender reveal party video voice* I’m your peepaw and I HOPE TO GOD you’ll be a nonbinary barista

[samwisegamgeeee]

I need to (remembers to not make casual suicide jokes in order to encourage a more outwardly positive mindset and healthy conversational environment in my day to day life) kill myself

[samwisegamgeeee]

Laios, devourer of all things horrible.

[samwisegamgeeee]

[samwisegamgeeee]

POV: your friend is an ecology major and has beef with random animals

[samwisegamgeeee]

was talking to my gf about my fear of dying young for being trans and my mom putting my deadname on my gravestone, and she said "i hope that never happens, but if it does, i will carve your name into your grave myself if i have to." and i think theres something extremely raw about that sentiment and trans community in general. you can kill only our bodies, but you cant kill transsexuality

[samwisegamgeeee]

when i was little i thought it was stupid that sims had a meter for how much they liked their environment, while as an adult i'll clean some part of my house and later feel the bar going up when i walk by it

[samwisegamgeeee]

why are bathroom sinks designed like that. infuriating

[samwisegamgeeee]

His Undulations

[samwisegamgeeee]

[samwisegamgeeee]

my coworkers and i have this running joke where whenever it gets quiet in the warehouse someone will do jar jar dirty talk voice and yesterday it was quiet and someone said "meesa wants sloppy toppy" and I look over to our middle aged manager who just had to listen to that and she was just