scardust

[scardust]

It Follows

If you hear footsteps at night

Never turn around.

Just keep walking forward

Don't make a sound.

Arm across your back

For it won't attack

When you step in a puddle of light.

Feeling a chill

Run down your spine

Keep walking faster

That's never a good sign

Ignore every car

Until they get far

For headlights are too bright.

You must reach home

Before it reaches you

Don't think

Don't do

You're so close but so far

Just one single more car

Away from being safe.

And if you feel

The ice hot breath

Tickle the hairs

On the back of your neck

Then it's already too late

Just accept your fate

As it claims another victim.

[scardust]

Falling for myself, falling from you

i guess i'll just factory line poems about you.

After all,

You're the perfect inspiration.

You ping back in forth in my mind from

"Fuck you"

To

"i want to fuck you again."

Remember the moment you ripped out my heart?

Told me your feelings were chaos

And insted of buying a filing cabinet

You tossed them over the side of a cliff

In the hopes that the wind would carry away

Any dream i had of being next to you.

You only led me on for

Oh, say a year.

Toying with my feelings

Capturing my heart in your hands

Only to tattoo death on its pulsing surface

And every time i think i'm over you

Just when that name strikes nothing but nothing inside me

The dam breaks

And every feeling i forgot i had

Erupts in a flood of every bad moment brought on by those entrancing eyes.

But i guess it's my fault.

After all,

i still have your social media.

i think i've been lost

Among your thousands of friends

My name is alix now

Because how can i handle

Hearing my name

Falling off the lips

That aren't attached to you-

Oh, i'm kidding.

I'm Alix now.

I've become who i could never be with you.

I've fallen into the realm of

"You will do better."

I think I'm starting to learn

How to fall for myself again.

[scardust]

Sunflower Boy

What if i wrote a poem for you.

What if i stained the page

With ink and swirling adjectives

Just like how your heart

Has stained my palms

As the blood runs down my veins

And pools at my feet

What if out of all these words

That have ever poured forth from my hand

These were the first

That meant something more

Than angsty heartbreak

And lost tragedies.

What if white roses and succulents

Held behind my back

Are the beginning of feelings

The end of apathy

It seems like the stars i've collected in my pockets

Fall out with every step farther from you.

You moved in and made yourself home

In the midst of the chaos called my thoughts

And plopped down on the couch.

Grabbed a bag of sunflower seeds

And propped your feet on the coffee table.

Who the fuck do you think you are

Collecting my heart?

Who told you you could start to fix

Every flaw contained in my patchwork frame?

...not that anyone's asking you to stop

See

i thought i had it all planned out

I thought you'd move on

After realizing there's nothing left to draw

From an empty boy falling through a net of stars

But instead i find you at my side

Are you suicidal?

You followed me off a fucking cliff after all

And that net might not be big enough for the two of us

But here you are

Sending energy through your warm palm

As it dances with my own

As we fall through open air

And dizzying experiences

Of all the galaxies you could have explored

You chose mine

It makes no sense

You must be mistaken

Because i'm falling for you

And i'm so afraid

But i'm so afraid to fall for you

It's an oxymoron

We look up at the same night sky

But we are different stars

You're more than just the boy

That jumpstarted my heart.

[scardust]

Shining Nights

Crying tears of gold

Pulling clouds from the sky

To ride into the sunset with she's

Pushing the weight of stars

She fights to survive

In the world of her own mind

Waterfalls pool at her feet

Dizzy with insanity

She falls to her bed.

And she paints.

She paints thoughts on her canvas

Forms ideas to beings

She chases shadows in her mind

Fire rips through her bones

Black smoke swirls through her frame

She's not done here

Because he

So proud on his broken horse

Hefts his sword with aching limbs

And charges her demons head on

She's not alone

She'll never be alone

She's got two angels

With 6 shotguns

Against a wave of plush satans

She cries

But they flick away the tears

She's curling their galaxies around her hands

While they hold hers-

She still chases thoughts.

She's still a glass sculpture fracturing slowly.

But she'll never be alone.

[scardust]

Taped Up Soul

Excessive heights diving from the clouds

Falling into pools of self doubt

My thoughts are dizzy

And my head is spinny

I'm making up words

And sacrificing sentences

To show you what my taped up soul

Can really handle.

And i can promise you,

It's not much,

But it's a lot more than even i realize.

See every broken thought pouring out of

This messy space i call my head

Proves my worth

In slight fractions of dread

I'm not what you think

I'm not who you want me to be

Why are you attracted to me?

I wear my heart on my throat

Vulnerable and stealable

I'm holding onto this hope

That i'll last one more day

I'm sick of being alone

But tired of people

See, every decision i make forms a battleground

Stocked with soldiers and monsters alike

Explosions beneath my chin

Nerves on fire with the feel of...

Is this what it's like to feel?

It seems like every time i try

To show you my life

You don't understand that my palms,

They burn just holding my world in place.

Traverse the scarred plains of my brain

Trenches and skyrises await you

And i don't know if you can handle

My taped up soul.

[scardust]

Superpower (a production poem)

Hi!

...and i'm over thinking.

Can you hear me overthinking?

Can you even hear my thoughts?

Cause i'm imagining every single thought

That's being put into your head

Because i have a superpower called...

Crippling Social Anxiety.

See you're not allowed

To think what you think

Oh no no i'm putting thoughts in your brain

And none of them are good

Except that one dude in the back

Who really likes my shirt?

I can't go to people's houses

Because it's unplanned chaos

With dizzying interactions

With people you kind of have to like

Or at least show you do

Gnawing on my lip

Fuck, what do i do with my hands

Do i sit

Do i stand

Do i introduce myself

As me, or one of my other sides

Will i one day be comfortable enough

To be able to talk to people

Without melting into soup

Pouring across the very thin strands

That hold my social life together-

Am i dead inside?

Always.

Customer service voice.

They use what they can of me

And move on or stay.

That's just the side effects

Of my superpowers.

[scardust]

Falling Away

Forgive me

For being the catalyst of your love life.

I'm sorry for thinking

Mall visits

Warm hand clenched in mine

As not to see you wander from my side

Could make my heart manufacture love

To send into your palms.

But it never felt genuine.

i knew every word uttered

Pitting me against the One before me

Meant that you were lost in a realm

That has not yet met me.

Every halfhearted gaze

Into my open eyes

Showed it wasn't me clouding your mind.

Love means nothing

When past means everything

But two worlds collided

And broke apart the very day we met

You

Who falls straight in

Gives it your all

Who loves without stopping

Against me

Who spraypaints my heart

On the side of buildings

In hopes of one day finding purpose

i thought i could find myself

In the way you carried yourself

But i didn't realize

You carried everything but your own heart.

Tell me, love

Does this shower feel empty to you?

Standing mere inches from me

Naked minds and cloudy bodies

Steamy pores and open wounds

Towels coated in poison

Eating away at false hopes

And broken futures

i tried to show you what love is

But i couldn't figure it out myself

And he already had

Sometimes starting over

Starts a new person altogether

So i'll collect memories in my trophy case

My eyes falling onto them

Only when i'm at my worst.

Show me what we could have been

Tell me what we never could be.

I've fallen in love

With falling further from you

[scardust]

Random lines i randomly think of at random times, randomly (slight trigger warning)

We hang our hearts from a noose searching for life

I'm a clumsy mess but i'll trip my way into your heart/ but i trip through life

Searching for someone to save me when i'm drowning six feet under an ocean of self destruction

Broken beings being broken~

How can i be original when it seems every city has a street named after a fucking type of tree

Now his eyes drink the amber color of the beer before him.

The Little Engine That thought he could, but he really couldn't, so he kept going to bed depressed

Sometimes i want to see just how fast my car can go-

Straight into a brick wall.

I only feel myself when i'm depressed

I'm dying to know what's at the destination of those flashing red and blue lights,

I'm dying to know when i'll be the destination.

He searches for the star in every corner of every broken down building.

When people with ocd see just as much pain in a messy one as a perfect one with the poster just crooked.

Just because science says you're different doesnt mean you have to be

I've built a life around the hope that important events fall on the days i can get out of bed

Have you ever just... Made a bad decision that you know was bad for you but you can't help it because maybe this time will be different but you know this time wont actually be different and it's slowly killing your mental health but you dont want to admit it-

I find that the harder the solution the person first comes up with, the more creative they are.

Because crying once in a black sunset and drying my tears before they get the idea to spill is how i cope with losing myself.

Stealing kisses under stolen stars

Dont bite the bridge that you'll burn when you come to it, or something like that

The sky wanders off into the sunset~

Starry scars and scarry stars

And that's why you should never trust gas station candy

I find it to be like a damn spin the wheel, where the slots are my friend groups and i'm the spinner

You'll know who you really are when you decide you're not going to be who you are and you end up being who you are anyway

I've walked along the paths of her midnight eyes

I've soaked up the sound of her moonlight cries

I found you in the hole where my heart used to be

You went cave diving for my humanity

Hoping to stumble upon my sanity

But all you found was an atrocity.

We spend the most time with ourselves yet spend more time focused on others

The void between your eyes is filled with an empty train on a broken track tooting its stuttering horn

Science says in the span of 7 years, every single cell in our body will have died and been replaced by a new one. Which means it takes 7 years to pull each trace of your touch from my

People aren't cars, they don't go 0-60. Chances are, they've been stuck at 59

Don't waste your life telling others how to live theirs

Napalm Dreams

[scardust]

i'm Over Being Over You

i looked through your instagram.

i tore open my skin

To give you my heart

Not for the first time.

i stared at the face

Smiling and happy

And realized just how much

You never needed me.

How nights on the couch

Trading warm coffee

And heated kisses

Were a catalyst

To your cold fingers in mine

As you pulled away

And said your final goodbye

Stolen hearts and broken tongues

Crying eyes and smoky lungs

Hearts curled tight around loose strings

I burned all your things

How could i not?

Taunting me with glowing stares

Every whiff of your smell

Sent poison rushing through my bloodstream.

I wake to see the ghost of you

Laying in the imprint you once laid in.

It's almost as if when you left

You took my ability to feel with you.

Sunken prayers and bad habits

Pulling motivation from pure spite

Empty energy drinks

Balls of crumpled papers

Each one a horcrux

Of the soul i wish i still had

Strewn about the place i'd never leave

Due to the off chance

i hear your name

Floating between oxygen molecules.

Choices are only hard to make

Until you forget that you made them.

This white screen

In this dark prison

Burns your face

Into the darkest corners of my mind.

i'm so over

Being over you.

[scardust]

i guess i'll just factory line poems about you.

After all,

You're the perfect inspiration.

You ping back in forth in my mind from

"Fuck you"

To

"i want to fuck you again."

Remember the moment you ripped out my heart?

Told me your feelings were chaos

And insted of buying a filing cabinet

You tossed them over the side of a cliff

In the hopes that the wind would carry away

Any dream i had of being next to you.

You only led me on for

Oh, say a year.

Toying with my feelings

Capturing my heart in your hands

Only to tattoo death on its pulsing surface

And every time i think i'm over you

Just when that name strikes nothing but nothing inside me

The dam breaks

And every feeling i forgot i had

Erupts in a flood of every bad moment brought on by those entrancing eyes.

But i guess it's my fault.

After all,

i still have your social media.

i think i've been lost

Among your thousands of friends

My name is alix now

Because how can i handle

Hearing my name

Falling off the lips

That aren't attached to you-

Oh, i'm kidding.

I'm Alix now.

I've become who i could never be with you.

I've fallen into the realm of

"You will do better."

I think I'm starting to learn

How to fall for myself again.

[scardust]

Forgot to Forget You

Hey.

it's me again.

i'm falling for your

Eyes again

Help please

i can't seem

To scream

what is sound

When hearts turn hollow

And glass eyes mold to the shape

Of notes swirling through skies, and-

i'm far from romantic.

In fact i'm paraplegic

Cause the thoughts are so psychotic

And my dreams are so erratic

When i can even sleep at all

Your face is covering the walls

i see you up and down the halls

Hands to my ears

i start to fall

Fuck

Please

Just give me a thought

Pay me a think

Because if your name bounces in my brain

Why isn't mine caught on your tongue

Who are we

To believe that love is tangible

or even metaphorical

i've turned into a cannibal

My soul is turning hollow and-

Back up okay

For 15 months straight

All i thought about was you

All i dreamed about was you

All i could imagine was

Yep, you guessed it

Holding your hand.

i never got the chance to try.

Wait

Hold on

When did you begin

Trading silly smiles singing softly with him

My mind is reeling

i can't make out these feelings

Your lips are so appealing

Kill my heart to stop the bleeding

Wrapping my life in words uttered softly

Under galaxies

Existing

Only in wisps of smoke

Curling from sombre tongues

i'm obsessed with the idea of you

i'm falling for the moments with you

Help me

Forget you-

Hey.

it's me again.

i've fallen for you again.

i think i'll just leave again.

[scardust]

Gemini

All it took was

A solid gold heart melting to the touch

A will of flowers wrapping her legs

It took two different colors

Swirling yet never quite mixing

She and her

Her and she

Two stars dancing

Brighter than supernovas

Beautifully tragic

Hopelessly romantic

See when eyes touch

And stars align

Closing the gap between two galaxy hearts

When smoke curls from touching fingertips

Life flurries like ash

Around broken chains

Falling from the feet

Of two hurting helpless humans

Help

They call to each other

To answer each's own

With a prayer of clasped hands

Tangled mess of limbs

Tethered to a bed

Nights spent staring at useless plugs

They're more than what they seem

There is so much more

To the imbalance of chemicals

Spanning the distance

Between their eyes.

[scardust]

Hello, Stars

He's a passionate one.

Those are the ones you have to be careful about see

He holds half his heart in his hands and spills the other onto paper

He clutches the pen as if it's a lifeline

As if his thoughts are missing a piece

And that piece is the only thing stopping him from killing his mind

He's not suicidal.

He does not want to die.

See there's a difference between wanting it

And being ready for it.

2 am talks with the moon

Showing the stars his scars

The sun comes up to beat him down

Another sleepless night

Brought on by the silent thoughts screaming from ear to ear

He had to ask why there was a voice in his head telling him he's not good enough

But all they gave him was a pill and a piece of paper

Telling him something's wrong with him

He knows- something is wrong with him.

He goes to bed on an empty soul

And wakes on an empty heart

It seems like every gas station is miles away

And he's too broke to fill up his heart tank.

His fingers bleed

As he slaves his life away

Because working is better than thinking.

He's had three chances to do it.

He can't do it though.

Tonight he needs to give the stars a hello.

Tomorrow he needs to enjoy his warm bed.

Wednesday he has to make the most of a day off.

He can't miss sitting around all day.

Next month he'll meet his soulmate

Next year he'll meet heartbreak.

He needs to get to know his next cat

And be there for his current one

When her breathing becomes as hard

As getting out of bed before 1 pm.

He wants to make sure he sees the beauty

Of a bouquet of tiger lillies

Under a purple sunset

One more time

He can't die now.

Not now.

[scardust]

Manifest

i think it's about time i pull you from my mind.

After all, you've moved in and made yourself at home

Thinking i wouldn't notice.

But you're not paying rent.

i hear the parties you throw

Fucking some other guy

While i lay in my bed

Unmoving

Unfeeling

i know you've taken over my mind

Because every corner i turn

Faces you at the other side

I see visions in the sides of my eyes

You haunt my very being

I made my chest translucent

So you could keep watch over the heart inside

And yet you failed

To carry me when my legs gave out.

You haven't left me

But you left plenty of insanity

It almost seems as this rope

Tied to my ankle

Is connected to your soul

So maybe it's time i cut that off.

Maybe it's time to trade

Heartbroken headspaces

For

Seratonin sheets,

Dopamine duvets,

On a better-off bed

Maybe sleeping alone

Helps me cope with a slowly growing soul.

Manifest in front of me

May we have a bout of fisticuffs

So i can punch you into next week

And out of my life

Well, at least for a week.

So i'll talk to the stars.

I'll date the phone attached to my hip

I'll kiss my cat

Because he deserves my kisses more than you

I'll start from scratch

I'll rip pages from my diary

And burn them to light my way

Into the future.

[scardust]

Dimension Man

I'm a dimension hopper.

To say i'm here and gone the next

Is to coat the borders of separate realities

With a blur so strong gods cannot be immune.

He's not a god.

He's a dimension man.

He bounces between friends

And aquaintances

Fate drives his wagon

Crashing into bystanders

And pushing the limits

Of social instability-

Links curl and break.

Friend groups fall to bits

Sometimes he saves a few bits

Sometimes he lets them slide off the cliff

And burn into the fires of the past

And rise on pheonix wings

To claim a smoky space

In his ever expanding lungs.

He's hooked from group to group

He lines them up and follows time

Touching each one with a touch of himself

Leaving trails in people's hearts

Leaving his stain on the earth

With each ethereal step

He's not a god

He's a dimension man.

[scardust]

Everything to Everyone

To say she's a nightmare

Would be like pulling pillowcases

Sewn through the edges with starlight

From every child unfortunate enough

To dream.

Her mind resembles that of a raccoon

Who was once rabid

But now just glues itself to the bed it's created

Where it waits to die.

To say her world should be made of

Who we choose for her to be

Would be clipping the wings

Of a hawk who longs for open skies.

Gossip says she's got it all together.

That hallowed halls lead to

Flourescent suns

Hanging perilously above

The last brain cell she truly carries.

She considers a smile her moat

And her tongue is the drawbridge

To a castle full of every bad thought

Every horrible tear

Every unfathomable emotion

Held between this padded cell she calls skin.

Every morning she sprays attraction

Molding smells to her body to mask

The odor of so much nothing

That floats behind her.

Their sighs of wonderment

Slowly drift upward

Getting lost in the vents

As they ogle her reality

And curse her very being.

She pours ink to her skin

Hidden treasures found only by those

Brave enough to venture the warped passages

Scraping across her empty heart chamber.

She's so... Shattered.

She's so... Beautiful.

Her palms spread paint

Upon every surface that dares challenge them.

Her words pour faith

Into every unsure feeling

Living in patchwork bodies.

Insecurities cry under her gaze

Bleeding golden courage

Staining every star falling from her eyes

Her soul

Is a mess

But her heart

Is only held back by her chest

She's everything to everyone

And no one to herself.

[scardust]

Reincarmate

At first, he broke.

He gathered fuel from empty ice cream tins

Scratched his heart across sheets of paper

He gamed until the mouse fused with his hand

At first his mind spun

On a tilted axle

Increasing in speed with each thought

Stamped out of this steaming factory

He likes to call his brain.

Next, he cried.

He cried tears so sharp

They stuck into his skin and embedded diamonds

Into each inch of his carbon form

He cried until the aqueducts shut down

And the community running his being flooded

Third, he died.

There's not much difference

Between death and total shutdown.

Staring at sticker stars in silence

Darkness descending down on his duvet

What exactly defines living

Because he definitely wasn't.

But then came acceptance.

He started to learn how to walk again.

His feet could support the weight

Even with all the added thought anvils.

His limbs felt like his again

His eyes shone like they once did

And all the power he had missed flowed back in a river.

He rose.

Wings sprouted from cracked bones

Beautiful blue beams burst from his bruised body

He's so sick of losing his mind

Over someone who never deserved it in the first place.