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My Masterlist

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This is excellent. Check it out.

paradise | auston & freddie

now featuring a bunch of quarantine updates. suffering the quality cause i love the subject matter. until i get my hbo feature or sportsnet last dance type series about these two i’ve only got so much to work with. they do keep on delivering though, bless. 

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Auston’s boy

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My Masterlist

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When Love Walks In – Chpt 22

(Note:  After a long break, where I literally broke my right dominant wrist, I’m back!   Also, it took me a beat to come to terms with Auston’s behaviour over the summer.  I see him as a human being who is flawed and learning like the rest of us.  Just like the rest of us, he has life lessons to learn.  These may be different from yours or mine, they depend on many factors including age, education, life experience and parenting.  I trust he learned from this one and knowing better will do better.  I also see and have witnessed first hand, the good he does for others who are less fortunate.  I’m a big fan and wish him every good thing in life. I hope you enjoy the rest of this story in the chapters to come.  I promise there is a huge love scene coming up in future chapters that will have you melting.

Enjoy…and Happy New Year!)

When Love Walks In – Chpt 22 Dr Quinn fantasizes about Auston.  Auston is worried about Quinn’s reaction.

(1977 Words)

As Quinn speeds out of Auston’s room, she manages to spy a recently cleaned and vacated hospital room to tuck into to compose herself. The last thing she needs is for someone to see her upset and have questions.  Quinn rushes into the suite’s washroom and locks the door.  Trying to catch her breath, she leans back up against the washroom door.  

Ever the responsible doctor, Quinn pulls out her cell phone to text the head nurse on duty:  

I’ve suddenly fallen ill and had to leave the patient, Auston Matthews, alone. He’ll need someone to check on him immediately as he’s highly susceptible to choking.  

The head nurse responds right away, wishing Quinn better, telling her that they’re on it and thanking her for the notification.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 21

Chpt 21 – Auston gets his catheter removed, eats and stands up.  Dr Quinn breaks down.

Words 5414  (Long Chapter but Good One!)

Auston quickly erases his writing board as he sees Dr Quinn approach the foot of his bed.

“Well hello there, Alex. Are you going to hang around for the procedures?”  Dr Quinn asks.

“Hi, Dr Quinn. Yeah.  I thought I would”, Alex answers.

“Great!  And, hello to you Auston!  I just heard from Jacqui, that you had a choking episode this morning. You okay now?”  She looks at Auston with a concerned and caring expression.

Auston smiles and nods yes.

“I’m glad.  I understand you got upset about something. If you’d like we can discuss it later during our chat at one o’clock”, Dr Quinn suggests.  

Alex and Auston look at each other and smile, knowing they are thinking the same thing, Thanks but that can’t happen cause it was about you.

Dr Quinn observes the exchange.  Feeling like an outsider on an inside joke, she asks, “What?   Is there something I should know?”

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 20

Chpt 20 – Alex Calls Out Auston for his Playboy Ways and They Have a Heart to Heart

(Please note that I made a few major edits.)

Words 4971

Alex pulls up the chair to sit next to her brother on his left-hand bedside.  She has to laugh when Auston raises his eyebrows at her, perplexed by why she’s fussing; inching her chair closer and closer to him.  

“What?!  I’m just trying to get as close to you as possible without actually getting in the bed with you.  I don’t want anyone to hear what I’m saying”,  She explains recognizing how silly it appears.

Auston shakes his head, thinking, So much drama.  Frig!  It’s like my life’s become a freakin’ soap opera.

Alex leans into Auston and whispers, “Oz!  Hey!”

He turns toward her all dramatic-like as if he’s in a soap opera and mouths, Whaaa?

“Would you care to explain to me what the heck you’ve been doing?  Frig, I leave you alone for a few hours, and you’re pouring on the charm for BOTH of your doctors?!  Please don’t tell me you’re making moves on them.  Have you fallen for Dr Wright too?”

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 19

(Please Note:  This Chapter was edited significantly on August 13, 2019)

Chpt 19 - Auston is Moved by Dr Quinn’s Ways and Learns What to Expect During his Last Week in Hospital

3434 Words  (Well look at that! 34 34)

Warnings:  Swearing,  Adorable Wee Hockey Stick ;)

Auston wakes at 9 am.  It’s the first day of his last week in the hospital; if all goes to plan.

“Good Morning, Auston.   I’m Jacqui.  I was here last week.   I’ll be your nurse during the days this week, and Julie will be with you in the evenings.  You’ll be seeing me quite a bit today as I’ll be monitoring your coughing, swallowing and mouth secretions.  

Doctor Quinn dropped by earlier this morning, around 830 am to see you.  But since you were asleep she told me to tell you that she’ll come back around 9:30 am.  I will help you get cleaned up and dressed.  Dr Wright will be in to see you this morning as well.”

Auston nods his understanding as he uses his remote to raise the head of his bed so he can sit up.  He immediately notices his cactus on the window sill and chuckles to himself because there is now a tiny hockey stick about half the size of the cactus leaning up against it.  He knows who put it there, and it brings a smile to his face. 

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 18

Chpt 18 - Auston Negotiates with Dr Quinn & Dr Quinn Reveals ‘So Much’

2281 Words

Dr Quinn reads Auston’s apology and feels the need to explain herself, “No Auston, I am the only one who owes an apology.  I am so sorry that I did not come to see you last week.  There are no excuses really which is why I didn’t give any.  But if you would like to know part of the reason I didn’t come by I can tell you.”

“Yes, please.”  Auston writes.

“Okay, as well as the off-site medical conference, I had meetings for a new education project I’m heading up with a couple of Universities and you know I recently got a life and went on a couple of dates.  But, I assure you that I was checking on you, through Dr Wright.  Unfortunately, Dr Wright neglected to mention that you were struggling emotionally.  Auston, I would have made it a priority to come see you if I knew you were having a tough time.”

“Thank you”,  He writes.

“I never want to let a patient down.  I am so, so sorry.”  She adds.

Let a patient down?  Is that all I am to you?  He mopes.

“I get it.”  He writes, keeping his disappointment to himself.

“You said part of your reasons for not coming, but what are the other reasons?” He dares to ask.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 17

Chpt 17 - Auston Chokes and Shares a Moment with Dr Quinn

For Auston, intentionally hurting this woman who saved his life, who he depends on for his future and with whom he is falling in love is deeply distressing to his soul and is affecting his body.  He is about to lose his battle to hold back his tears and manage the increasing congestion that comes with them.

Dr Quinn is distressed as well.  As she tries to think of how to convince Auston that she is there for him, she realizes she needs to take a moment away from him, where he won’t be able to see her tears of frustration that are about to fall.  She’s afraid he will lose even more confidence in her if he sees her cry.

I want to run.  Hide somewhere and get myself together.  Maybe I can excuse myself and go to the washroom…No, cause then he’ll think I’m abandoning him again.  For Fuck Sake!  … Wait! The window!

She looks at Auston, and every instinct she has is telling her to go to him,  hold him in her arms and comfort him.  But I can’t!  She reminds herself.

We both need a little space to collect ourselves; she tells herself.  

Her lips purse and she puts up a finger to motion for Auston to give her a minute. She turns quickly and walks to look out of Auston’s room window and get herself together.

Auston knows he’s hurt her, but in that moment of her turning away, he feels rejected and frustrated.   As Dr Quinn gazes out the window, Auston tries desperately to swallow the lump of congestion that has accumulated in his throat.  He coughs.  He has barely managed to keep up with the rapidly increasing secretions and knows now that he has lost the battle.  He can’t help but panic.

He coughs again and again and again.

Oh shit!  I can’t breathe!  The choking comes almost immediately.

Fuck!  Help me!  Quinn! Help me!  He yells in his head while sitting up straighter.

Hearing the coughing continue, Dr Quinn turns around to see Auston struggling and instructs him,  “Auston. Cough it up.”

She hears Auston struggling and wheezing.  Holy Shit!  He’s choking!  Where the hell’s the Suction?  She looks to the place where they keep the Suction; she grabs it and turns it on.

As soon as Dr Quinn is in reach of Auston, he grabs her arm and locks his eyes on hers, pleading for her to save him.

“Auston, it’s okay. I’m here.  I’ve got you.  No worries Auston.”  She reassures him as she gets the Suction into position.

He keeps his grip but is conscious of not hurting her.  His body is telling him to panic, but his mind calms him.  He knows she’ll save him.

“There you go, Auston.” She says as she suctions the last bit.

Auston’s face is red and a mess of tears.

“You’re okay now, Auston. Honey.  You’re okay.  Keep coughing.  Get yourself comfortable.  I believe I’ve got it all, but you let me know.  I’ll stay right here while you settle.”

He continues to cough and hold her arm.  He doesn’t want to let her go.  He’s afraid she will leave him.

Okay, Auston?  She looks him in the eyes with affection.

He nods.

She smiles at him. “Good job, Auston.”  

Their eyes stay locked on each other.  They can’t process their intense feelings.

Dr Quinn instructs, “Okay Auston.  Now take deep breaths with me.  Ready?”

He nods, and they breathe in unison.

She smiles in relief. Auston smiles back.

“Phew eh, Auston?” She jokes.

They share a sigh of relief.

“Very good Auston. That’s it.  Keep up the breaths.”

She grabs a few tissues and proceeds to dab Auston’s tears and the moisture from his face as she looks down at him with tenderness in her eyes.

Auston is in heaven while Dr Quinn fusses over him.

She tells him. “You did it, Auston!”

He’s quick to point his finger to her as his eyes stay focused on her.

She continues to dab his face and refuses to acknowledge anything she did. She feels guilty for causing the whole thing in the first place.

“Now if only I could keep you from getting upset with me. Eh?” She says nervously.

She notices Auston’s hand remains locked on her arm.  She looks at it as if to gently request him to release it.

Auston knows she wants him to let go of her but realises if he does, he’ll probably never get to touch her again anytime soon.

He slowly removes his hand from her arm and shyly holds it out to her pleading silently for her to hold it.

She takes it instantly. Fuck it!  The poor guy feels like he almost died and wants to hold someone’s hand.  Of course, I’ll hold his hand. She tells herself.

As they hold hands, they are both swept up by the feeling.  It’s as if they have finally come home.  A calmness falls upon them both, and they lean into it; savouring it. 

Dr Quinn leans a little closer to Auston.  “Hey, Auston.  I’m so sorry for not being here last week”, she whispers.

Dr Quinn wants to tell him that she realizes now that although she certainly was busy with the Medical Conference, a million other things and her dates with Scott, she used them as excuses to stay away from him.  She knows now that she was trying to avoid Auston to stave off the uncomfortable questions, thoughts and potential dilemma she would be facing.

Instead, she goes the safer route, “You have a right to have felt abandoned by me, Auston.  I got distracted, and it won’t happen again. I’m here for you whenever you need me. I want you to promise me, whenever you feel down or have anything at all you want to talk to me about, if I’m not here, that you’ll somehow get hold of me, get someone to page me; send me a text. Hell, send up smoke signals for all I care.  Just let me know when you need me, and I’ll move heaven and earth to get to you.”  

She feels the need to justify her promise to be there for Auston as the actions of a good doctor.   “Heck, if Josh had ever felt abandoned by his doctor in his hour of need I would be devastated.”

“Do you hear me Auston? You are a priority.  I’m sorry I let myself slip”, she repeats.

He nods yes.  

Auston calms himself down significantly as he listens to Dr Quinn. He’s thrilled that his ploy worked; even if it almost killed him.  He can’t stop beaming.  He is a little disappointed that Josh seems to be her reason for making him a priority. He wants to be the reason.  But he’ll take what he can get.

“Well, that’s the face I like seeing on my Auston.  I love your smile, Auston.  It lights up the room.”  She tells him as she swings his hand in hers.

He motions for his writing board that fell on the floor during his choking episode. He’ll have to let go of Dr Quinn’s hand but knows he needs to thank her.

They both let their hands slide from each other.  They immediately feel a longing to retouch but do not act on it.  Instead, Dr Quinn retrieves Auston’s writing board and marker for him.

He smiles at her and writes, “Thank You!  Big time! For everything.  I’m so very sorry I upset you earlier.  Please forgive me.”  

Auston truly regrets hurting her and wishes he hadn’t almost died trying to get her to make him a priority, but it seems to have worked, and for that reason alone, it was worth everything.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 16

Chpt 16

(2nd Edit July 30, 2019)

Auston Makes a Calculated Move to Get Close to Dr Quinn

2450 Words

Warning:  Cursing

Dr Wright touches Dr Quinn’s arm affectionately and they both proceed to move through Auston’s doorway into the room.

“There’s our star patient, breathing with his new tube in!  You did great in surgery today, Auston.  I was just telling Dr Quinn that everything went well.  How does the new tube feel?” Dr Wright announces.

Auston gives a thumbs up.

“Great!”  Dr Wright reminds Auston that the holes in the tube allow air to pass from the lungs up through the vocal cords and out through the mouth and nose, allowing breathing through the mouth.

“So Julie showed you the exercises and technique for breathing?”  Dr Wright asks.  

Auston shakes his head - yes.

“Do you have any questions or concerns about the new tube?”  Dr Wright continues.

Auston shakes his head - no.

Dr Wright goes on, “After you’ve used this tube for five days, if everything goes well, the next step is Corking, which will allow you to breathe fully on your own, solely through your mouth and nose, instead of your throat.”

Auston’s growing impatient.  Okay!  Dr Wright, I think you’re great but can you move along now?  Holy fuck! I’ve waited all bloody week to see her, and she’ll probably have to go in a minute.  Give me some god damn alone time!  Auston is freaking inside.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 15

Auston Has Procedure for New Tube and Dr Quinn Speaks Up for Auston

1405 Words

Warnings:  Cursing

Auston arrives in the operating theatre where he’s given a local anaesthetic.  Dr Wright completes the procedure to put the Fenestration Tube inside Auston’s throat.

Auston is wheeled back into his room.  He sees Dr Quinn waiting for him.  

Alex is standing next to Dr Quinn; both women have huge smiles on their faces. Alex is intrigued to witness her brother’s reaction to seeing Dr Quinn.

Catching sight of her aura, Auston feels like his soul has just been ignited.  His breath is caught in his throat for a moment.  He forgives her immediately.  He is so damn happy to see her. He feels alive again.

His mind is advising him to pull back his emotions, let her know he’s not happy with what she put him through these past seven days, but his smile betrays him. His heart is so full of joy and he refuses to give up hope.

Dr Quinn walks over to Auston who, having just been transferred back into his bed, is being attended to by the nurse.  She smiles down at a beaming Auston, and for a quick impulsive second, being so happy to see him, dusts her hand gently over his right forearm as she greets him.  

“Well, there he is!  Good Morning, ‘Bam Bam’, she teases.

Then she queries the nurse, “Julie, You okay?  Do you need any help?  I’ve got something I need to do, but if you need me?”

Auston melts and tingles a little at her touch but almost as quickly freaks inside, What the actual Fuck?!  You’ve got to be kidding me?  You just got here and you’re gonna leave?!  Come on Man!

Nurse Julie answers, “I should be good doctor.  Thanks though.” 

Dr Quinn smiles and looks down towards Auston.  She notices that his once happy face has faded.

Shit!  She determines.  He’s sad.  The poor guy is sad!  Confirming Alex’s concerns she fumes to herself, I’m talking to Dr Wright, now!

“Auston, I’ll be back in a minute. Okay?” She says sweetly but doesn’t wait for him to acknowledge her words.  A woman on a mission.

Auston is perplexed as he curiously watches Dr Quinn walk confidently over to where Dr Wright stands in the doorway.

Auston and Alex try to listen in and can hear part of the conversation where Dr Wright tells Dr Quinn about the procedure. She says it went very well.  

Dr Quinn is pleased to hear this but quickly changes the subject to what has been bothering her since yesterday.  She speaks in a hushed tone, wanting to keep the conversation private.   Auston and Alex can’t make out what is being said.

“Ellen, did you happen to notice anything concerning about Auston’s mood this week?”

Dr Wright pauses for a moment to think.  “Now that you ask and I look back, Auston was not his normal self.  He seemed kind of sad, had low energy and was distant.  I didn’t think much about it as I figured it was to be expected considering everything he has been going through.”  

Dr Quinn is disappointed in Dr Wright.  She speaks respectfully, but firmly, “I wish you had told me about Auston’s mood being off when I checked in with you this week.  I understand your focus is primarily with physical recovery, but you must also take into account a patient’s emotional recovery.  It’s true Ellen, Auston is in hell, and he’s climbing out of it ever so slowly but he needs guidance. His sad mood should have been a red flag.  We need to get our patient’s help when we see red flags.”

Dr Wright respectfully listens as Dr Quinn continues, “Ellen, I received a call from Alex yesterday, telling me her brother has been struggling with his mood most of the week.   He asked his family to ‘stop visiting’ for god sakes!  We need to be more attuned to such things.  We should have been on that right away.  Do you agree?”

Although Auston and Alex can’t hear the doctor’s conversation, they can see it, and it looks intense.  

Alex observes in a whisper towards her brother, “Dr Quinn is upset with Dr Wright for some reason.  Huh, Auston?”

Auston doesn’t say anything. He’s lost in his thoughts as he stares at the doctor’s exchange in the doorway; trying to figure out what’s being said. 

He observes, Whatever Dr Quinn is saying, I have no clue, but man it’s hot watching her when she’s pissed!  Poor Dr Wright, though. God, I wish I could read lips!

Alex is pretty sure she knows what’s going down.  She’s certain that it’s about the call she made to Dr Quinn about Auston’s mood.  It was clear over the phone the other day that Dr Quinn was surprised and saddened by the news that Auston was struggling with his emotions, alone.  While she feels for Dr Wright, she is very impressed that Dr Quinn is standing up for Auston’s well-being.   She shivers from the chills she gets watching Dr Quinn’s assertiveness.

This time, Alex taps Auston’s arm to get his attention and whispers, “She’s something else isn’t she Auston? Pretty hot, am I right, Oz?  Huh?…  Earth to Auston!” She teases, looking for a reaction.

Auston doesn’t want to give Alex the satisfaction of having figured out his affection for Dr Quinn, so he just hunches his shoulders, nonchalantly.  Then to himself, he begs, Fuck!  I want to take her right now!

He immediately panics and looks to locate the heart monitor.  Huh?  Where is it?  It’s gone?  What the hell?!  Whew!  Thank God though.  Ha!  Alex would have had a field day if that thing went off.

Still speaking in hushed tones and oblivious to the stares of Auston and Alex, Dr Wright agrees with Dr Quinn and apologizes for not taking Auston’s low mood more seriously.  “Point taken, Quinn. I feel horrible.  I can assure you that I do understand the importance of a patient’s emotional well-being.  I regret I let my radar slip.  Thank you for bringing it to my attention.  I’ll pay closer attention and alert you in all future cases.”

Dr Quinn places her hand on Dr Wright’s upper arm and says “Ellen, I know that your load is huge.  You have been incredible with Auston as well as every patient I’ve seen you help.  We all make mistakes. I’ll admit, I make many.  We just need to make each other accountable so that we do our best for our patients.  I appreciate you hearing me on this and taking it in the way I intended.”

Dr Wright is solemn.  “Yes.  You’re right and thank you for speaking with me about it.  I feel horrible that I dropped the ball, Quinn.  Poor guy.  He seems like such a wonderful person.  He does not deserve what has happened to him.  Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?”

Dr Quinn responds, “Yes, sometimes crap happens.  We just have to make the best out of whatever comes our way.  Sadly, there’s no controlling everything, but we control what we can.  No worries, Ellen.  Thanks again for being open to hearing me.  I’ll speak with Auston and get him the help he needs or at least the help he will accept.  I started to address the issue of therapy a week ago, and he was not interested in formal therapy.  Maybe now he will be more open to it, or maybe he still would rather just speak with a trusted friend.  I’ll find out.  I was late coming here today because I was trying to line up counselling for Auston.  I wanted Dr Moran, so I called him and begged for him to visit Auston.  He said he’ll make himself available when needed.”

“Oh, Dr Moran is a great choice, Quinn!”  Dr Wright confirms.

Feeling the urge to tell someone who might understand, Dr Quinn reveals, “Ellen, you said that Auston seems like a wonderful person.  What’s odd is that although he can’t even speak, I feel like I know the guy.  His personality just oozes from him.  I feel like I see him for who he is and you’re right, he is a wonderful person. He’s also very funny.  Last week, he had me cracking up with his silly faces and emoji drawings.  We have to get this guy talking again!  Imagine what we’ll find out about him then?”

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 14

Chpt 14

Auston Awaits Procedure for New Breathing Tube and Struggles with Insecurity 

Warnings:  Cussing, Negative Self-Talk

1508 Words

It’s the night before Auston’s scheduled procedure to have his Ventilator removed and a new tube inserted; he’s barely able to sleep.  He’s praying that Dr Quinn will make an appearance.  

He can’t wait to see her, even if she is dating ‘That Doctor Dude.’ He can’t help himself; he yearns for her presence.  It’s as if every cell in his body has zeroed in on her.  

He finds himself staring across his bed at the cactus she gave him that sits on his window sill.  

He tries to reason:  

Just last week she thought enough about me to buy me a fucking gift, and now she’s ghosting me!  He’s baffled and frazzled.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 13

Auston Gets Depressed When He Can’t See Dr Quinn and Asks To Be Alone

Word Count 1073

Dr Wright has been the one overseeing Auston’s respiratory care all week.  Dr Quinn has not been in to visit Auston, except for when she poked her head in his doorway to say a quick hello, one day early in the week. She only had time to tell him that she was happy to hear from Dr Wright that he was doing well.  She let him know that she was keeping tabs on him but was ‘beyond busy’.  She apologized in advance in case she wasn’t able to make it in again to see him before his next procedure but said she would do her best to squeeze in a visit. She encouraged him to keep resting and reminded him that he is in great hands with Dr Wright.   Auston wasn’t given a chance to ask her about her date with Dr Peters as she had to run.

To say Auston is disappointed with the lack of face-to-face contact with Dr Quinn this week, would be an understatement.  As each day passes, without her making it in to see him, he gets progressively frustrated.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 12

Chpt 12 -

Auston Starts His ‘Homework’ By Asking Alex For Help With His Social Media

1313 Words

The next seven days see Auston continuing to breathe through his throat with the oxygen mask positioned over his Trach.  His lungs are getting stronger every day, as expected.

At the beginning of the week, Auston obediently attends to ‘Professor Quinn’s Homework’ assignment by asking his eldest sister, Alex if she will sort through his emails and social media accounts.  He asks her privately, when his Mom, Dad and Bre are out of the room.

While he’s very hesitant to have anyone see his private text conversations, especially with women, he believes that Alex, who he has always had a close relationship, would be the least judgmental and shocked.  He believes that she has seen him at his best but also his worst; when he was younger and immature.  Over the years he’s confided in her when faced with some fallouts he’s had with women who had wanted more from a relationship than he originally bargained for; finding out that they thought they could change his mind or in a few cases he had inadvertently led them on. ��He also thinks he would be able to face Alex again if she found something embarrassing on him.  The thought of him looking his mother or father in the eye in a similar situation makes him want to curl up in a fetal position and die.

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When Love Walks In - Chpt 11

Chpt 11 - Auston is moved out of ICU & Talks to Dr Quinn Privately

(I’d love to hear what you’re thinking of the story so far.) 

Words 4706

Warning:  Cuss words, Long Chapter

After congratulating Auston on his great progress, Dr Wright excuses herself for the day.  

Dr Quinn informs Auston and his parents that Nicole is looking after Auston’s transfer to a private room and he should expect to be moving shortly.  She tells them that she will drop by Auston’s room before she leaves for the day to see how he is settling into his “new digs” as she calls them. She expects to drop by sometime around 6 pm.

Auston is happy to hear he is going to see Dr Quinn again today.  He hopes he is settled into his room with enough time to spare to convince his parents, in an unsuspicious way, to leave him alone in his room.  He wants to be able to chat again privately with Dr Quinn before she goes home for the night.

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