schafisobsessions

[schafisobsessions]

Even without a dashboard or tags I can still FEEL all this negative energy within the fandom trying to eat me and my friends.

[schafisobsessions]

maybe I should create a new account to leave behind all my negative thoughts on my old blogs again.

[schafisobsessions]

( ideas to increase productivity on those blogs again )

OK better idea:

I'll use tumblr like I do with twitter:

- Not browsing any dashboards (only first few posts) or tags (I already don't use tags on tumblr alltogether)

- Only coming online when I have art / headcanons / RP ideas / fictions to post

- occasional interaction with other users and only following people who tag me.

[schafisobsessions]

OK better idea:

I'll use tumblr like I do with twitter:

- Not browsing any dashboards (only first few posts) or tags (I already don't use tags on tumblr alltogether)

- Only coming online when I have art / headcanons / RP ideas / fictions to post

- occasional interaction with other users and only following people who tag me.

[schafisobsessions]

Or maybe I am just drained of this account and should turn invisible again, making a new one? Pretending I've never been here so I can maybe find inspiration again?

[schafisobsessions]

I'm kind of sick of creating art atm when everything I create can automatically make anyone hate me just because it's bad taste. Yes lots of my art is bad taste.

Doesn't mean I want anything of my art to be real. EVER.

The internet is giving my brain permanent punches, stealing my creativity.

And this does not only lower my amount of art in general but also the amount of WHOLESOME art I could make.

I wonder if I should just abandon tumblr like I did with deviantart. (OK to be fair: It was not the community that made me leave dA, it was the design change. On tumblr it would be the overral community.) I doubt I would be happy on any other website though as the internet has changed drastically compared to my life in the fandom and hobby forum boards way back before 2010.

I fear I was never made for social media. Other then popular belief of what social media does, for me It's blocking more of my creativity then encouraging me putting down my ideas.

[schafisobsessions]

How does anyone expect me to not hate everything about me when fandom and non-fandom people alike call stuff I do weird, bad or creepy?

As I said: On longterm my mind can't live without negativity. It's impossible for me to have a wholesome fiction only. If not now, sooner or later it will become a nightmare for the characters again.

We can gladly switch and make the real world a place with only wholesomeness and no stereotypes being used against people. Then my head wouldn't need to make cartoon characters' life bad or make annoying fandom content that people perceive negative.

[schafisobsessions]

It just sounds boring ,_, Reminds me of why I was annoyed by the non-ghost characters in Danny Phantom cause there the students seemed to be sorted into those kind of stereotypical groups.

(I just tried to ignore it though. For me any character can do and be like they want. I also give characters stereotypes but I don't want their whole life to be one. That's why I often go: Hmmm so this OC or this character could need a new headcanon or a new detail for their backstory right? *changes or adds minor random ideas that may not be visible for people at the surface and that stray from the stereotype*)

While Stan enjoys football I really can't envision him as a jock it just seems off. He's an animal lover . he put finding sparky before football and shows way more interest in animals than sports at least to me. Fun with veal. Saving whales. He's more likely to be a vet than care about a football scholarship.

Hot take stan is a football fan not a jock...

[schafisobsessions]

I'm a person of questionable morals. In fact I don't appreciate sticking to morals at all. Cause it seems to me many people just stick to some morals because of peer presure instead of being covinced. So I am just here being a person with terrible thoughts, negative obsessions, aggessive tension fueled by misanthropy , but neutral / well intentioned behaviour towards people

(unless someone pisses me off for a long enough time, usually until I reach maximum tension. Then I WILL eat them, or unleash my destructive energy in a different way)

(sidenote: tension is permanently high but it's hard for me to keep track of it, so reaching a maximum of tension can happen quite fast if I just endure stress instead of expressing it)

(Avoidance is another methode of dealing with stress, and a good way to lower it if there is no other way. e.g. blocking someone, not going online for a while, creating a new blog/account or randomly unfollowing everyone is a form of often used avoidance. Usually I will do this periodly just to give my stress level a small reset.)

I don't even know why I make posts like this but it is also a form of lowering my tension.

Obsessing with negative forms of art / fanart works to release tension too, but only if my mind is able to focus on creating something which it sadly is not right now, but maybe that's good or else I might give people a reason to stress me again.

TLDR: Bad sheepi ,_,

[schafisobsessions]

My (at least temporary) mood after looking at an empty dashboard

:)

[schafisobsessions]

OK I know what to do:

I will clear my dash again, means I will unfollow everyone once more.

Feel free to let me know if I should follow you again.

My tumblr in its current state feels to me as if it grew out of control, but I don’t feel like I should move accounts again.

[schafisobsessions]

Public RPing seems to have become to exhausting to me. So I wonder if I should change to private RPing again. But then I have no idea if this works with tumblr people + tumblr doesn’t seem to have the tools for it + maybe I should avoid private RPing since a number of random strangers I have done private RPs with in the past turned out to be unable to differenciate between fiction and reality, so before I have to cut contact with someone again because they behave weird towards me, I should stick to NOT RPing or keeping on doing rare tumblr rps. Actually I don’t know if I can even focus on creating written RP posts that make sense atm. Bäh.

[schafisobsessions]

I even consider ‘hiding’ several reality related tags for a while but then I don’t really like this function at all as it seems too escapist to me

Also it would go against my policy of ignoring tags

[schafisobsessions]

suppose I must try to focus on fictional stuff or else my mental health will go downhill rapidly

[schafisobsessions]

I don’t really understand this obsession with ‘social groups’ anyway. (especially those groups are so foreign to me I don’t understand them at all to be honest)

Stan, and other characters, can do whatever they like and fans can add and change to it however they want without calling the character a group name or exclude them for other hobbies.

But then I have no idea what a jock is even supposed to be and why people are obsessed with it.

While Stan enjoys football I really can't envision him as a jock it just seems off. He's an animal lover . he put finding sparky before football and shows way more interest in animals than sports at least to me. Fun with veal. Saving whales. He's more likely to be a vet than care about a football scholarship.

Hot take stan is a football fan not a jock...

[schafisobsessions]

I am feeling so drained by reality and news that I am stuck at colouring the Jimbo and Ned pajama day afternoon drawing.

[schafisobsessions]

Wholesomeness in fiction -> This is what I am neutral about. This is what I think is cute but what feels idealized to me. This is what I really adore though.

Cruelty in fiction -> This is what I obsess about. This is what I simultaniously hate but what my fantasy needs to experience. This is what I need to create every now and then, making cartoon characters suffer, adding darkness to have a counterweight for the wholesomeness. I can’t have my fantasy exist without the evil.

Wholesomeness in real life -> This is what I want the world to be like. No exceptions!

Cruelty in real life -> This is what I absolutely hate, what makes me angry, and what makes me want to die because I can’t deal with it. At the same this is also what makes me negatively obsess with cruelty in fiction and what makes me feel like my fiction is incomplete without evil and trauma.