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AHZHZGHAHAHAH WHAT-

I LOVE IT

Straight out the manga

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OKAY so I got my mum into playing Skyrim a while back. She’s been really liking it, but it’s basically the only game she has played in her life other than Stardew Valley where, like a true Italian, she spent half of her starting gold on a plate of spaghetti. So, as you can imagine, it has been a bit of a learning curve!

Anyway, most of the time she’s adorable! Exploring dungeons with her big Nord Dragonborn, doing quests, uncovering the map, taking carriage rides so he ‘won’t have to walk all that way’. Utter perfection - 10/10.

But then there was today. She approached me, meekly, because she had somehow managed to wrack up a 13,000 gold bounty in Markarth. After overcoming my initial shock (and let’s be real, a healthy bit of awe) I was like, “It’s okay - don’t worry!” and headed over to her computer to help her deal with it. After stashing her stolen goods (a single silver necklace), we fast-traveled took the carriage to Markarth. However, after wandering all over the city, we couldn’t seem to find any guards.

Eventually, after about five minutes of searching, I finally asked her, “What happened? Where is everyone???”

“Oh,” she replied, “the guards tried to arrest me. So I killed them all.”

My sweet mother. The Scourge of Markarth. May the Divines have mercy on anyone who tries to bring her to justice, for she, evidently, will not.

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ogata “solitary wildcat sniper” hyakunosuke vs. real life cats