selflessdoctor

[selflessdoctor]

holy shit i remembered the password to this account. is anyone alive here?

#[ ooc. ] #[ ???????? ] #[ doubtful it's been years but holy hell my dudes ]

[selflessdoctor]

so. it's clearly been some time since i've been on.

i know I hurt some people when I left. rather abruptly at that. and I'm sorry. i wasn't in a good place, hell, i'm still not. i've tried everything and i just feel empty and well. just terrible. it's no excuse but it's the truth. I just figured putting this out publically would be easier than copying and pasting. it's obvious to say this hiatus of mine is still going. i still have disc//ord but I have days where I don't answer and I just stare off into space. ann's had to get me to eat because i go days without. sleep is hard, and my job is also suffering. i'm trying to get better. i'm not dead, but i do understand if anyone gets tired of waiting for me/i hurt them too much. i miss you guys.

#[ i just got on to write this ] #[ i'm sorry ] #[ ooc. ] #[ this has some trigger warnings but it's not too bad ] #[ mobile. ]

[selflessdoctor]

Dorian Pavus Quotes Starters

“Did I stutter? Men, and the company thereof. As in sex. Surely you’ve heard of it.”

“Did everyone act like this when the sword was invented? ‘Oh, my blushing butt cheeks! Round up everyone who can use these pointy things and lock them away!’”

“I always smile. People like my smile, and they should! I have excellent teeth.”

“I knew you would break my heart, you bloody bastard.”

“I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves.”

“I wanted to see you make flowers bloom with your song, just once.”

“I’m here to set things right. Also? To look dashing. That part’s less difficult.”

“I’m too pretty to die!”

“Just once, we should enter a cave and see normal-sized spiders.”

“Look at this profile. Isn’t it incredible? I picture it in marble.”

“My arse should open up a shop! Apparently it’s quite prolific.”

“Pretty, in a haunting, ‘this archway might collapse on me at any moment’ way.”

“Selfish, I suppose, not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside.”

“Some of my best friends are murderers.”

“Stranger things have happened. It would take work. And soap. Lots and lots of soap.”

“What a lovely forest. Kind of makes you want to retch, yes?”

“While we’re sharing surprises, you’ve done a lot less dancing naked in the moonlight than expected.”

“You tried to change me.”

“You wanted the best for you! For your fucking legacy! Anything for that!”

“You’d be surprised at the credit my tongue gets me.”

#| baby show me what you're doing now; meme | #[ dorian is one of my favorites okay ] #[ his sass is great i love it ] #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

normaltothemax:

She was crying openly, now, harsh breaths hitching and catching in her throat. They hated her. It didn’t matter that he said they didn’t—they hated her. How could they not? Max had been so awful, she’d done so many bad things the night before… If they miraculously didn’t hate her yet, they would when they found out what exactly she’d been up to. She’d already lost one family, she couldn’t lose another. Sitting up, she looked at her Papa, pleading with him, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” she choked out. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I—I was just so mad, I got so mad, it just came out! I didn’t mean to, I swear. It just came out!” That had been happening more and more often, Max’s anger causing violent outbursts from the teen. Her temper had always been difficult to manage, but more recently it was like…like something else, some monster inside of her, took over when she got mad. She couldn’t control her words, her actions, herself. She’d known what she was doing was wrong, knew she was hurting people, but she couldn’t stop. She just couldn’t stop. “Dad hates me,” she wailed miserably, hands covering her face. Her shoulders shook with her sobs. “He hates me, but I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I—”

Simon did the only thing he knew he could do. He held her. Wrapped his arms around her like that could keep her from harm, like that would be the only thing that made her feel safe and sound---- He closed his eyes, almost tearing up himself at this. How did this happen? She had an attitude, yes, but she always did. And normally, Jayne was cool headed. Or at least he had gotten that way as he got older.  He almost never openly fought with her. That was Simon’s job. He was always the bad guy so to be the one picking up the pieces right now? It was strange. “He doesn’t hate you, 千金.” A hand came up to stroke her hair and pull her closer as if he could hug all her sadness away. Maybe he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know how to take care of a teenager, hell, River had been sent off to boarding school when she was fourteen! He didn’t know what to expect. “He knows you didn’t mean it, Max. He knows and he still loves you. I know he does.” Simon gave a small awkward chuckle. “Do you know how many times I’ve said things to him that I regret? And he still loves me. It’s out of anger, it doesn’t mean that’s how you feel okay?” Of course, Simon knew what she said had a bigger impact on Jayne then any of their fights. She hit him deep with a cut.  Jayne couldn’t have children. And Simon wished that he could change that. God, everyday he wished he could take that thought away from him.  Turning back to his daughter, he squeezed her tight once more. “Hey, shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re not bad, it’s okay. We’re not sending you away, your father still loves you and I love you, Max. Okay?” It’s always so soft when he speaks. He’s not sure if she’s listening but the rumble of his voice should help. It’s even and calm. It will help. . . right?

#normaltothemax #| v. isn't it all so magical? what a happy ending. | #[ sobbiNG ABOUT THIS FOR EVE R ] #[ i'll send you the song as soon as i can ] #[ i'm so forgetful ] #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

warsighted:

@selflessdoctor joined the war efforts

With a subtle squint in discomfort, the Starfleet captain gave Simon a once over. Sizing him up in a way only a man fully immersing himself in a life of war would do upon meeting someone who didn’t actually pose him a threat. Paranoid bastard.

             “What’s a city-boy such as yourself doing so far out into space?               You do realize we are in the middle of a war, right?”

Simon Tam could only look at the man. He knew by the uniform that he was Starfleet and his stomach dropped. He swallowed and took a deep breath. “--- You. . . you don’t know who I am do you?” Than it was true. The war really did happen, that must have been why he could slip past so easily. Being a fugitive was---- new. And lonely.  “---- I am aware of that. . . uh, sir. However, I. . . I am afraid that I am here attempting to find my sister.” Where even were they? He didn’t remember. All he knew was that River was out there. That someone was hurting her and here he was having a nice chat with the very army he had been running from. That’s what happens when you try to look at top secret information. But it did help. She was last seen here. Wherever here was. “--- It was. . . nice meeting you, I should. . . I should go.” Don’t notice who I am. Don’t realize that I’m wanted. Don’t take this away from me, I’m so close. 

#| v. he looks just like his father but he could never love somebody’s daughter | #warsighted #[ me replying super late yay ] #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

srenity:

               ❛  well sure, I did a little,  ❜   mal admits, flinching again as the doctor hits on a tender spot.   ❛  but what would you call a group of alliance librarians makin’ EDITS to the records of the war, so’s the independents look weak  &&  inept ?  you ask me, they had it coming   ——  ‘course, wasn’t expectin’ ‘em to have guns.   that was a nice surprise.  ❜   drawing attention to himself on a core planet, in the government house of records, had never been the plan.   but he had a client willing to pay a pretty sum of credits if he and the team could make one particular set of records disappear.    

Simon noticed the flinch, letting his hands stay still for a moment before going back to the work, eyes never leaving the wound expect to flicker back at the Captain before shaking his head and returning his gaze. “Everyone has to be ready when pesky thieves break in. . . through the roof.” Okay so that was Jayne’s fault, but still.  Simon was kind of upset that he had to stay on the ship but given that it was a Core planet, they couldn’t tempt fate. Though. . . “So besides that, what did you think of Orisis?” What did you think of my childhood home?

#srenity #| v. this is what going mad feels like | #[ sorry for the lateness ] #[ also i kind of wanted to make it sad for simon because i live for that ]

[selflessdoctor]

mcmachine:

@selflessdoctor

                     “you’re the new trauma guy that hunt hired,  right?”  even if she did run a big portion of the trauma department in terms of the emergency room pretty much being hers,  new hires weren’t something that was usually privy to until the decision had already been made.  “april.  april kepner.  got an incoming mvc,  eight minutes out.  where are you coming from?”  

“Ahh---” He almost swallowed. Of course it was woman. A very nice--- pretty woman. Simon cursed himself internally as he tried to figure out how to make his mouth work. To make words come out. He was so bad in social interactions---- But medicine? That he could do. “Pleasant to meet you.” Finally, it came out. Thank God. “Simon Tam.” He blinked for a moment before he finally managed to fully understand the question. He wasn’t sure to people. . . talking to him. Unless it was job related. “I was just checking on some patients--- ahh. I’m a transferr from Hopkins I mean.” There’s a slightly blush to his face. He’s not used to this. Once everyone found out how old he was, they usually treated him like a kid or didn’t talk to him at all. He was rambling in his own head. “I’m. . . sorry I guess I have. . . first day nerves. I barely know my way around the hospital but I’m a quick learner, I assure you!” . . . She’s not doubting your ability. Great. Now you sound like an intern. Idiot.

#| v. we're just strangers; with the same damn hunger | #mcmachine #[ h E THINKS SHE'S P RE TTY ] #[ IM GONNA SOB ] #[ DAMN RIGHT SIMON APRIL IS A GODDESS ] #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

spaacemusings:

                                     they treat me like a machine                                    a contraption free from emotion                                     but, god, all i ever do is feel

#| i'm the only one that hasn't walked out yet; musing tag | #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

― Euripides, The Bacchae

#| ship; you came over me like some holy rite | atonings #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

but how about “oh i saw you getting fucked in public the other night by a complete stranger even though you’re supposed to be innocent af and now i’m gonna do everything in my power to blackmail tf out of you“ au with lots and lots of aNGST and a little bit of fluff and an ocean load of smut bc why not???

#| isn't there anything on this ship you want?; wishlist | #nsfw mention cw // #[ PLEASE??? ] #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

Adelina Amouteru // The Young Elites by: Marie Lu

#| i'm the only one that hasn't walked out yet; musing tag | #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

#| v. isn't it all so magical? what a happy ending. | #poeticpecker #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

Anonymously or not, tell me who you ship my muse with.

#| baby show me what you're doing now; meme | #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

@poeticpecker

#| ship; two hands longing for each others warmth | poeticpecker #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

#| ship; two hands longing for each others warmth | poeticpecker #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

illuminosity:

my favorite trope is the ‘we HAVE to kiss in order to keep our cover and that’s when we realize we actually have feelings for each other welp’ trope and i’ll love it every time

#| isn't there anything on this ship you want?; wishlist | #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |

[selflessdoctor]

Angsty Romantic Cliches I’m a Slut For 

Holding their partner’s unconscious/dead body

Sobbing into their partner’s shoulder/chest

One of them is hurt and the other falls asleep in their hospital room

The other losing their mind when their partner is hurt/killed and charging into battle recklessly

“I thought I lost you” hugs

“Don’t go where I can’t follow!” 

One is mind controlled and forced to fight the other

The other refusing to harm them and getting seriously injured as consequence 

The person coming to and seeing what they’ve done

I could go on about this trope alone for 5 hours

A last desperate “I love you!” 

A tearful, hard kiss before battle, bonus points if its a confessional kiss

“Please, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Bandaging each other’s wounds

Both of them injured, and waking up beside each other

#| isn't there anything on this ship you want?; wishlist | #| q. what do you QUEUE him for |