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sethdegrassemacfarlane-blog · 7 years

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Love In High Places Chapter 3

My throat stood poised for response, but my mind was far from ever being able to create one. I wanted to be here when he got back. I don’t think I was actually aware of how much I wanted to be there. But it was that faint, familiar little whisper in the back of my mind. It whispered, “He’ll be the same. You’ll never escape. He’ll hurt you.”

While I prayed for my inner dialogue to shut the fuck us for literally two seconds so I could spit out anything, I saw Seth’s face become dejected. His warm smile, capable of melting icecaps, was growing colder with every passing nanosecond. His eyebrows tilted up and furrowed together like a child saying goodbye to his mother the first day of preschool.

My instincts finally took over and I rudely blurted out, “Yes.”

There was a pause while Seth’s face shifted from disheartened to befuddled.

“Yes? Like you’ll say that you’ll try? Or yes like you will be here?”

I nervously sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, trying to soothe my anxiety.

“Yes like I’ll be here.”

“Whew.” He let out a relieved sigh while I was just as apprehensive as the moment I met him. “I—”

The nubile chirp of Seth’s intern’s voice whined through the night air again, this time not startling, but interrupting.

“Seth?”

“Yes, Sonya?” He tried to hide his frustration from his reply. He failed.

“I’m really sorry. I’m sure you’re conducting some really important business and this whole interjection is really disrupting you and I really do apologize again and—”

“Sonya.” Seth turned his head in her direction but not his body and raised his hand like he was about to chop a cinderblock in half.

“Y—Yes?” Her voice was noticeably shaky which made me snicker just the slightest while Seth began again.

“What do you need to tell me?”

“Right. There was about 5 minutes until you had to go on. But now after all this, its starting to look like 2.”

“I’m coming. Thank you.” He brought his cupped hand from his mouth and gazed straight at me again. He quickly stepped closer to me, his body almost touching mine. Everywhere across my body, and I mean everywhere, began to tingle. I jolted a tad when he took my hands in his and his brown eyes met with my blue. It was the most perfect pairing since peanut butter and chocolate. His gaze darted from mine to my lips a couple times signing his desire to meet.

“I’ll see you soon.” He shook my hands up and down a couple times, pressing his body into mine, but only briefly.

Our enemies connection left me in such a euphoric state, I slurred out, “K.”

He smirked at my inability to form words. Then I watched as he spirited off to the luminosity of his house above. His formal and suave persona suddenly transformed into athletic and cheerful.

Before I could process the recent events which had transpired over only about 45 minutes, I heard the booming that was my father’s voice stopped me. He was closer than I though he was as I saw his freakish figure rumble down the steps toward me.

“Hey little woodland creature of Beverly Hills. Things are about to start. Do you think you could be domesticated from you woodland ways long enough to come inside?”

I snuck up from behind him and jumped up on his back which was met with a grunt. I jokingly began hissing at him and nibbling on his head.

He laughed at my attempt at being a woodland creature and let go of my legs, letting me land lightly on the ground.

“Good God. You’ve been practicing.” He smoothed out his hair and turned around to face me. “I have been. I just had to stop when I started pulling your toupee off.” I punched him jokingly in the arm.

“Hey. My toupee doesn’t come off. That’s how good it is. Now let’s go before the Biden’s snag our seats like last time.”

He took off in a flash, his strides leaving me in the dust. I arrived at the entrance to the house almost 10 seconds later and out of breath. My father on the other hand looked as fresh as a daisy. Perhaps because, in total he had taken 5 strides to the house and I had taken 80.

I panted like a mutt, hunched over with my hands on my knees as I screamed inside my head not to embarrass myself too much in front off all these all-stars.

While I began to come to and calm down, I rose from my hunched position to see that Seth was taking his place at the podium in the front of the room.

Wanting to hear every damn second of his speech, I yanked my father away from a conversation he had struck up with some senator whose name I will never know.

I drug him into the main room just as Seth clapped the bottoms of his speech papers, making them even. Before he could playfully scold me, my father saw not what, but who I was in such a rush for.

My heart thudded almost through my throat at the mere sight of Seth. The way his tux jacket hugged his shoulders, making them look as broad as they most likely were. I essentially had to lick the corner of my mouth to stop the drops of drool from falling.

My father’s assumptions snapped me out of it.

“Ah. No need to ask why, I guess.” He bellowed over the roar of the crowd and nodded in Seth’s direction.

My eyes followed the direction of his nod and met Seth just as he looked at me. Suddenly realized that I had been found out, I raised a skittish hand, waved, and grinned.

Seth dropped his head with a shy grin but just as quickly brought it back up, grid-locked in a smiling match with me. As we flirted from across the room, I saw Seth’s gaze shift to just beyond me and to my father. His smile immediately faded to a straight grimace. I looked back at my father to see that he was staring Seth down with the coldest, hardest, most brutal stare he had more than likely learned from his time in the military. It was so intense, there was no way it could have been forced. That was all natural.

I shot my eyes back to Seth who nervously broke the stare with my father and swallowed hard as he looked out over the crowd.

I turned one last time to my father and elbowed him in the gut, causing him to let out a quick breath.

“Wha—”

“Don’t even start with this one.” I hissed at him.

“This one? You already have one. Well—” He hissed back at me as his eyes kept shifting from me to Seth.

“Jesus.” I pressed the tips of my fingers into my temples.

“What?” He leaned down to me and got quieter as Seth began his speech.

“Jack and I… We… He…” I didn’t want to ruin this night. I wasn’t about to let even the topic of Jack ruin another beautiful night.

“Spit it out kid.” His clueless expression grew into worry and apprehension.

“I’m not going to talk about this now. I can’t talk about this now.”

He stood up straight, certainly obscuring all the views of all the poor souls behind us.

“Let’s just try to have fun, okay?” I patted him on the arm.

He jammed his hands in his pockets and his frustration proved to be short-lived.

“Okay, kiddo.” He forced a smile across his face and patted me on the back. “He’s really a nice guy, Dad. I—“

“Kid. I’ve known him longer than you have. I know he’s a great guy. He’s also twenty years older than you.” His eyes never left Seth standing at the podium.

I chuckled as I knew he knew he didn’t have a case against this. He just didn’t like it.

“I know Dad. He is older. But that’s about it. He’s one of the good ones. I deserve one of them, don’t I?” My voice cracked ever so slightly which, of course, my father hastily picked up on.

He didn’t say anything and embraced me from behind. It was everything I needed at that moment.

My dad held onto me a few seconds longer before releasing me. I looked back to thank him but saw that he had let go because his arms were spread wide to his sides, looking as if he were about to take flight. He mouthed, “What the fuck?” to someone in the middle of the room.

I followed his gaze and stifled laughter as I saw a snickering Vice President Joe Biden turned around in my father’s seat mouthing back to him, “Thanks for the seats, Todd”. My father just shook his head as the tiniest grin overtook his bothered complexion.

After Joe was finished teasing my father, he turned even further and his eyes lit up and he very excitedly waved to me. I beamed back at him and returned heavy fire with my wave as I recalled the numerous events and vacations we had attended with the Bidens; particularly the one where Joe brought everyone to his favorite ice cream joint, ate too much Rocky Road, and swore it off permanently. Well, turns out tentatively for he had it for dessert the next night.

“See what you did? That’s two years in a row Joe snagged our seats.” My father jokingly hissed down to me. “You better have this fella tied down by this time next year so this doesn’t happen again.”

I spun around on my heel, hope in my eyes, as Seth promptly ended his speech. I found that my father was fixated on what I should have been and was purposely ignoring me, stifling a smile.

“Did you hear a damn word of that?” My dad casually asked me.

“Not one damn word. You?”

“Hell no. But I’m a politician. I know how to pretend like I heard every single word.”

I shook my head and returned to face forward, never ceasing applause. Seth’s eyes darted from face to face until he found mine and his smile instantly became more genuine.

He broke his gaze so he could exit from the podium. He shook the mandatory hands of people he would never see again and smiled at the desiring wives of the rich and famous. It was almost as if it were happening in slow motion. The dapper and sought after older gentleman making his way through the thick of the crowd to the nubile female who for now, had his attention. His snug tuxedo, perfectly quaffed hair, and his dazzling half smile parted seas of sexually at-the-ready forty somethings. Oh the dismay when their knight stopped his trek at the daughter of Todd Adams’ daughter.

“Beautiful speech, kid. You sure know how to get an audience.” My father gruffly stated as he protectively placed his hand on my shoulder.

Seth swatted at him as if swatting his compliment away. “Ah. Its the same speech I use for these things. I just switch names and dates.”

“Spoken like a true diplomat.” My father, even more gruffly said. Fortunately, Seth and I both knew that if we didn’t laugh, that was the end.

After an excruciating mere seconds, we silenced. Seth’s eyes met mine and we exchanged nervous and uncomfortable looks with the raising of eyebrows.

Fortuitously for all parties involved, Sinatra began to blare through the speakers and we watched as couples made their way to the dance floor.

“The World We Knew.” Seth and I gasped at the same time.

“This is my favorite Sinatra song!” I grabbed his perfectly toned arm and quickly let go, remembering that my father was only a few inches from sexual tension city.

“Yes! Me too!” Seth’s voice became higher with excitement with each passing moment.

I heard my father sigh from behind me and bark, “Well jeez! Are you going to ask her to dance or what?”

Seth, taken aback and clearly flustered, had no idea what to say. So, I extended my hand to him which he reluctantly took in front of my father.

“Have her home by 10.” My father sipped his whiskey for effect.

Seth quickly glanced at his watch. “But… But its 11:15.” He choked on half the words he said.

“It was a joke, MacFarlane.” He sipped again. “Some comedian.”

“Ah. Right.” Seth slowly shook his head as I elbowed my father causing him to dribble his drink down his tux. He cocked his head and widened his eyes down at me which I took as my cue to abscond with my man candy.

I drug Seth past everyone who wanted to be him and be with him. The faster we ran, the more intertwined our hands became. The more intertwined our hands became, the less I wanted to let go.

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sethdegrassemacfarlane-blog · 7 years

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Love In High Places Chapter 2

It was if my feet were melted to the floor and left me unable to move. The excitement coursing through me rendered my body useless. Any chance I had at not making a fool out of myself sailed straight out the beautifully draped windows as I stood in front of Seth MacFarlane and grinned like a mongoloid from ear to ear. Fortunately though, he reciprocated. My father stood between us, darting his nervous eyes back and forth to see who would break radio silence first.

I knotted my fingers together as I felt words beginning to form in my mouth. I didn’t quite know what they were yet, so I could say literally anything. I struggled to shape them as they came out.

“It’s so nice to meet you!” I extended my hand to Seth, causing him to snap out of his trance and back to reality.

“Oh. The pleasure is all mine. My name is Seth.” He blushed and lightly shook my hand before letting his hand fall back to his side.

“I’d know who you were any day. I’m a huge fan of your work.”

My father nodded his head at me to indicate that I had forgotten something. My name! I essentially screamed at him.

“My name is Jessica! You can call me Jess though.”

“You’re definitely a Jess. Definitely not a Jessica.”

I giggled at his innocent joke on my name. I knew I could play with him now.

“Well actually, I’m more of a Megatron. But Jess is easier to remember.”

He threw his head back with laughter at my reference to Family Guy. His teeth were as white as the teeth on his whitening box. His smile put me at ease instantaneously without even the slightest bit of effort. I quickly tried to remember a time just someone’s smile had put me at ease like that. My efforts were fruitless.

My father shook his head and grinned his “all knowing” grin. He looked at us both and said, “Yeah you guys are going to be fine here.”

With that, my father went off to grab a seat and left me alone with my favorite comedian. Each of us stood flashing our best toothy grins at each other. There was noticeable awkwardness, but it was almost as if we knew the other was okay with it.

I casually flipped my hair off my shoulder in an attempt to seem calm and collected. I saw his eyes instantly break from mine, dart to the flesh of my neck that exposed my defined collarbone, and directly back to my eyes. He became noticeably uneasy when I smiled at him, indicating I had taken notice to his slip up.

He gestured to me, but his movements were interrupted by his own doubts. Words wanted to escape, but caught on his distress.

I carefully stepped toward him and gently brought my hand to rest on his forearm. He relaxed into my touch. His gaze rose from where my hand had met him to my tired blue eyes.

“I’d love it if you could show me around the place.” I told him calmly.

“Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.” His eyes lit up and his lips revealed that smile I had admired previously. “Let’s go.”

Seth extended his arm to me and I happily accepted. We made our way through the crowd of tuxedos and A-list celebrities and out the door to the yard. The entire time, never letting go of each other.

“This is better.” I told him as I leaned into him so he could hear me. Frank Sinatra silky tones blared in the background.

“Not by much, but I’ll take it.” He did a closed mouth smile at me which left me wanting so much more.

He brought me further away from the house to where is was quieter. We both say down next to the pool and watched as the party continued on without us.

“I appreciate the stellar guest attention, but you don’t have to be here with me. You have an entire party up there.” I kicked off my heels, hiked up my dress, and let my feet effortlessly dangle in the water without a care.

“There have been and will be many just like it.” Seth sat beside me on the ground, knees at his chest, and arms wrapped around his legs keeping them in place. The horns from a Sinatra song I couldn’t make out rang through the air and down to where we sat.

“Really? So you’re pretty popular with the democrats of America?” I kindly taunted.

“I like to think of myself as their muse, yes.” He shrugged his shoulders and laughed.

“I’m glad you realize your worth to American politics.” I laughed back.

We both claimed our laughter until there was nothing left but the hum of the crowd inside the house. I let my head fall back so that I could gaze at the stars. I could feel my hair touching the concrete floor below me. I sighed a breath of content and smiled. I felt Seth fix his look onto me with interest.

“If you told me a couple of hours ago that I’d be sitting next to my favorite comedian at my favorite comedian’s pool tonight, I wouldn’t believe you.”

“You wouldn’t? But I’m your favorite comedian. Don’t I have some type of credibility?”

I giggled and responded, “You know, if you told me that, I probably would be more focused on the fact that it was you and not what you were actually saying.”

We laughed.

“You could be telling me that God was hiding up in Trump Tower and I wouldn’t hear a word of it.”

“Well that’s where he would hide —”

“Because that’s the last place anyone would look for him.” I said with him as our laughter grew into a fit.

“Such blasphemy from a politician’s daughter!”

“A democratic senator of a democratic state’s daughter, yeah! Fuck that Donald Trump noise. I’d rather staple my ear to my asshole than see another tweet of his.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of sacrifice for little result.”

“What can I say? I believe in sacrifice for the greater good.”

“Jesus.” He smiled and stood right up, brushing his hands against his pants.

“What?” I did the same and walked over to him.

“You really know the right things to say to a liberal like me.” He raised his eyebrows at me.

“I’m the child of a politician. I know how to tell people things they want to hear.”

“Good point. Now I feel less special.”

“Eh.” I shrugged. “You’re not the first and definitely won’t be the last.”

“Shit. Now I definitely am minuscule.”

“Better you realize it now.” I said dryly as a I craned my head to the side, bent over slightly, and rounded him to his backside.

“Here. Turn around. You have some shmutz on that millionaire ass of yours.” I joked. He obliged as he watched me brush off his butt. He smiled and his eyes met mine as I stood back up.

He grinned. “There was nothing there.”

“You’re right. I just wanted to touch your butt.”

“I could have you arrested for such conduct.” His voice was low, almost like a hum. The corner of his mouth curled into a smirk in sync with the hitching of his eyebrow.

I had lost all train of thought and was unable to come up with a sly remark. Frankly, it was quite pitiful. It was as if all my senses had chosen to eliminate anything that wasn’t him. As every moment of silence flew by without my recognition, he knew it too.

I snapped out of it and bashfully brought my hand up, rubbing the crook of my neck and answered, “You could. I’d be pretty hard to prosecute though. You know why.”

“Ahhh,” he nodded now with both of his eyebrows raised. “So then I guess I just won’t. Too much hassle.” He began to move toward me. My body opened itself to his arrival just as he stopped short and offered me his arm. I compromised and gratefully received it.

I wrapped my arm in his and rested my other hand on his elbow.

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and asked, “How am I doing?”

“Ten out of ten.” I giggled. He confidently nodded his head, pouting his lip in satisfaction.

We began walking around the grounds in blissful silence as I admired his home. The crowd of politicians above fell to nothing but a buzz.

Never once breaking his hold on me, Seth began stating pointless facts about where he got the things in his lawn in a nervous attempt to make conversation. It was quite a surprise as I was usually the one who babbled on when I was on a date. Well, I hadn’t been on a date since I was 16 when I met Jack. Oh no. Was this a date?

My heart fluttered in my chest as I began to resemble Seth’s apprehensiveness. Suddenly, I was aware of all my surroundings and was beginning to become cognizant of just what was happening. I felt my dress straps digging into my shoulders, I smelled the sharp but pleasant smell of Seth’s cologne, I tasted the heavy, humid air, and felt my hair sticking to my back as my ankles pulsated in pain from my heels. Worst of all, I was recalling the events earlier in the evening that could leave my life in ruins as I had feared.

It was abruptly all too much. I waited until Seth was in between facts and unravelled our arms. In one swift motion, I found myself laying on my back, the cold grass playfully tickling my bare skin.

I shifted my head to see Seth starring down at me. Well, I don’t know why he wouldn’t have been.

“Was I that boring I actually killed you?” He rolled his hands together nervously.

I let out a colossal sigh and fixed my gaze back on the stars above me. “Far from it.”

“Oh,” was all he could say.

A beat of silence before I turned and studied him as he stood above me. “What’re you still doing up there?”

“Oh. Right.” He expeditiously tore off his jacket and lay his body out next to mine. Not too close, but far enough away where I wished he were closer. He rested his jacket on his stomach and lay in silence with me as we watched the sky, satellites, stars and all.

The silence brought me comfort. It was as if neither of us needed words. Just each other’s company was more than enough.

“Aren’t you going to ask me to tell you about myself?” The words shoved their way out of my mouth which startled me. I sat straight up and shivered. He noticed and followed suit.

“Here. Take my jacket. I think its Gucci. Or K-Mart.” He gently draped his jacket across my shoulders and let his hands linger just for the slightest bit of time before returning them to rest on top of his knees.

I reveled in the roomy jacket that instantly brought me a pleasant amount of warmth.

“K-Mart makes a quality jacket if I ever did see one.”

He hung his head and smiled, roping me back into that euphoric state he had me in before.

I groaned which alerted him, but I spoke before he could interject. “Oh my God.”

“Oh my what?”

“Your smile. I hate when people say someone’s smile is intoxicating. Its a complete and utter cliche. But your smile. Holy shit. I’m downright buzzed.”

Seth feigned in embarrassment.

“You’re too kind.”

“I am, but it isn’t kindness talking. Its the truth.” I nudged him with my shoulder which ended up toppling him to the ground.

“Okay! Fine!” He couldn’t help but let the corners of his mouth curl into a smile as he pushed himself up to sit next to me. “I’ll ask you about yourself!”

I cracked up and fell back to the ground, my body convulsing with laughter on the ground. Seth followed me down but only letting out small giggles as he wasn’t about to laugh at his own joke. He lay on his side while his hand propped up his head and his eyes examined me for he knew he would go unnoticed.

“So, Little Adams. Tell me everything and anything there is to know. Give me Jess Adams for Dummies.”

I snickered and instantly felt my face blush. I opened my mouth to divulge my entire 24 years to him, but someone beat me to it.

“Seth?” A voice bellowed through the dark from the house. Startled, we simultaneously jumped at the sound and raced up to see what was going on.

“Yeah?” He yelled back. He glanced at me and shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh. Um, everyone is pretty much here. I think its time for your speech. To, ya know, welcome everyone and stuff.” The voice was clearly that of a younger girl, but not too much younger than I was.

Seth whispered, “Shit.” and rapidly rolled back his sleeve to look at his watch.

“Thanks, Sonya. I’ll be right there.” His voice dropped in disappointment. “Sorry.”

“Yeah you should be. This is hardly fair.”

“How so?”

“Well, I guess you’re never going to know anything about me.”

“That’s not true. I…” he trailed off. His lips pressed tightly together before parting to say, “I have to go.”

“Yeah no totally,” I stammered. “This is your party! Go!” I encouraged him by moving him along. I pressed into the backs of his shoulders and he stumbled forward with a laugh.

“But wait.” He spun around on his heel. “Will I see you again? Will you still be here when I’m done?”

I hesitated.

“I can’t say I will be.”

He repositioned himself closer to me and his voice seductively became more convincing the deeper it went.

“Can you say that you’ll try?”

He eagerly waited for my response as I eagerly awaited to make up my fucking mind.

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sethdegrassemacfarlane-blog · 7 years

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Love in High Places Chapter 1

“Good bye.” I struggled to see my phone screen through the tears welling in my eyes. I found the “end call” button and lightly tapped it before letting my arm crumble to my side in frustration. I recalled that almost every phone call with Jack had ended in this way: frustration.

I rested my body up against the side of my black Porshe and threw my head back, glaring up at the sky. For such a shit day, the sky was doing okay.

I carelessly tossed my phone in the car through the open window and proceeded to move to the hood of the car. I plopped down with a satisfying thud. My athletic build was light work for the durability of the black beauty. I slid across the hood and settled my tired back against the windshield. Once again, I brought my gaze back to the setting sky, beckoning it for mercy. My long brown hair glided down the glass like slowly falling rain.

I wasn’t perched for a minute when I heard the “Night Rider” theme song playing from inside my car, indicating that my phone was ringing. I breathed a sigh of relief as I knew I could be preoccupied from my own thoughts for the duration of the phone call.

I lept off the hood and climbed halfway through the window to grab my phone. When I emerged from the car, I looked down at my phone to see who was calling, all the while praying it wasn’t Jack again.

Another exhalation of relief was surrendered when I read my father’s name, Todd Adams, on the caller ID. I composed myself the best I could, willed my voice not to shake, and hoped for a miracle.

“Hey, Dad.” I couldn’t help but smile through the pain.

“Jessica. My goodness. Thank you for gracing me with answering my calls.” His voice was sharp but his intentions were pure. I chuckled the slightest at his sarcasm.

“I know. I’m sorry. Its not so easy being—”

“Green?”

We both cracked up at his interjection before my dad rounded me back up into the conversation.

“I know, kid. Being a comedian isn’t easy. But your mother and I are proud of you.”

I feigned in embarrassment through the phone. Before I could reply, he said, “And we miss you.”

I fought back my tears so I could answer. I missed my parents so much. My first year out of college without them was terrifying and left me feeling ultimately helpless. I lived in Los Angeles alone and was left to fend for myself in the television world. For my entire life before now, I was part of the Silver Spoon Crew. Everything I could have ever dreamt of was given to be without question. My father was the Democratic Senator of California and my mother was a Harvard-educated and world-class lawyer. To say that I had friends in high places would be the understatement of the century. And once got to second base with not one, but two of the Kennedys.

“I miss you too, Dad.”

“Come home. You’re only an hour away. It’ll do you good. I can hear it in your voice.”

“Jesus. You know, I feel like nothing is left to the imagination with you.”

“It comes with the job.” He paused. “Or does it?”

We laughed together and my tensions began to ease.

“Listen,” he began. “Your mother and I are going to a Democratic fundraiser in a couple hours. Why don’t you come home and tell us all about your triumphs. We would love to see you, Jessica.”

I was tempted to leave all my troubles here in this In-N-Out parking lot, but I was hesitant.

“What do you say?”

What harm could come of it?

“Oh man. I don’t know dad.”

“I’ll make you my famous chocolate chip pancakes…” he trailed off as he awaited for the answer he knew he would receive from me. My heart began to feel light again and I couldn’t resist.

“You got me. I’ll be there in an hour.” I stated simply and hung up the phone immediately.

I chuckled softly to myself and liked to think that my dad was doing the same.

With that, I departed to destination: home. I dreaded the ride because I wasn’t alone. I was the pilot with the usual passenger the co-pilot. The usual passenger? My thoughts.

—————————————————

As I cruised up to the gates of the far-from-humble abode from whence I originated, I was met with closed gates. This was new. I pulled up to the guard and put my car in park. The engine hummed as it impatiently waited to be floored.

The guard looked up from his magazine and cocked his head at me. I smiled and waved at him, but he was still puzzled.

As he began to hop off his search and set his magazine down, a convoy of black Tahoes pulled up behind me. Before I knew it, my car was surrounded by suited and hair parted personnel, each indistinguishable from the other. One even tapped on my window with his calloused knuckle.

I started rolled down my window just as I heard my father’s leathery voice shout from behind my car.

“Hey! Its okay. Its Jessica.”

The suit gave me an embarrassed grin, which I reciprocated. The suit gave a shy wave goodbye and returned to the convoy.

I watched him do so as I saw my father cross his path, give him a pat on the back, shake his hand, and continue on to the passenger side of my car. His suit was unbuttoned and his tie fluttered carelessly in the breeze.

I watched him disappear out of my rearview and appear at my window. He opened the door and slid inside with ease.

“Jesus Christ. Eager beavers if I ever did see some.” He complained.

“If it keeps you safe, I’ll submit to the full cavity search. Especially from the one that tapped on my window.”

He threw his head back and pressed it into the headrest as he grew hysterical with laughter. I couldn’t help but do the same.

“Give him my number, why don’t you?”

He chuckled.

“It’s great to see you again, Jess.”

He reached over and embraced me, bringing his hand up to the back of my head and pulling me in even closer.

“Now put this mid-life crisis in drive. Your mother is going to have a panic attack if you’re not there in the next 2 minutes.

“Wouldn’t want to keep mother dear waiting!”

As I said that, the guard opened the gates paving a clear path for home. Unable to pass up the opportunity, I threw my car in drive and floored the gas, fulfilling its wishes from before. I peeled out and ripped up the driveway for home.

***

I gingerly opened the front door in an attempt to surprise my mother. My father was close behind me with his hand on the center of my back, just like he was taught in the Marines.

I peered around the door to make sure the coast was clear. I could confirm that, in fact, it was. I made the motion to my father to move forward. We moved as a unit inside the house just as my mother rounded the same corner and screeched in terror which quickly dissipated into joy.

“Jessica!” She wrapped her arms around me. My tall build and her short build caused me to lift her up when I hugged her. I had taken after my father who towered at a staggering 6’9’’ while I stood at a comfortable 5’10”.

“Mama bear!”

“Todd!” My father yelled as he joined in on our hug.

We embraced for a while longer before my mother parted from me, her eyes beaming.

“I can’t believe you’re here! Impeccable timing!” She sighed.

“Why the sigh?” I asked.

“Your father and I were supposed to go to some fundraiser in the Hills tonight, but I just got pulled into work.” Her excited hands fell down to her sides. “A partner just got a huge breakthrough on a major case and I have to go in.”

“Well that’s the first I’m hearing of this.” My father sighed as well.

“Well that’s shit.” I stated.

“It is shit.” My father agreed, disappointedly.

“Its doesn’t have to be shit!” My mother was excited again. “Todd. You could take Jessica as your date!”

My father’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at the thought of a night out on the town with his only daughter and only child. “Hey that’s a great idea! It could be just like prom!” I knew my extreme disgust for politics and anything like it was going to have to be put on the back burner because I couldn’t say no to that face. But you can bet I was going to try.

“Oh man. I don’t even have anything to wear.”

“Wear your black prom dress. You’ll be the best looking one there.” My mom interjected. “And it’ll match your father’s tux.”

I sighed at her successful attempt to thwart my effort.

“But I’m just going to be sitting there in a stuffy room with a bunch of old pervs while we listen to barely coherent speeches.

“Far from it, kid. I never told you whose house it was at.”

“Whose?” I was genuinely curious. Like I said, my family had friends in high places. It could literally be anyone.

“I guess you’ll just have to find out when we get there.”

I let out a final sigh, shrugging my shoulders back. “Well who is gonna be there?”

“Your favorite people. This is a big benefit. Obamas, Clintons, and some comedians. This would be a fantastic networking opportunity for you.”

He had me at Obama.

“You had me at Obama.”

He chuckled, “So I wasn’t enough?”

“No.” I said dryly. We all laughed. It felt right to be laughing with my people again.

“Come on, sweetie.” My mom took my arm and began to lead me upstairs to her room. “I’ll help you to get ready and you can tell me all about your adventures.”

She shouted back down the stairs to my dad.

“Todd?”

“Grace?”

“Why don’t you put on your tux and I’ll clean you up after I’m done with this one.”

“Sure thing, hun.” In my 24 years of being Jessica Adams, it was nice to see that nothing had changed between my parents.

My mother sat me down in front of her makeup mirror and placed her hands on my shoulders.

“So what look are we going for tonight?”

“Just some blush and mascara. Keeping it simple.” I groaned. I couldn’t help but let my inner feelings about earlier in the evening come out.

“And so it shall be.”

She absconded into her bathroom and returned with a simple tube of mascara, a brush, and a palette. She positioned her hands around my face, framing my jaw, and pointed my face at her.

“Perfect.” She smiled.

She began to brush away before her curiosity got the best of her.

“I can smell it on you.”

“What?” I sniffed my arm pits. “I smell?”

“You wreak of disappointment.”

“Oh.” I put my arms down and fell silent.

“Are you going to make me pry? I mean, I think I already know what it is. Well, I’m sure of it.” She patted the brush on the palette and began work again.

I tangled my fingers together in a nervous attempt to subdue myself.

“Might as well tell you now before you put my mascara on, right?” I forced nervous laughter.

“I raised you well.” She stated without breaking stroke.

I took a deep breath and held it before exhaling all my woes.

“Its Jack.”

“Go on.”

“He’s been sleeping with Alyssa again.” Alyssa was that tall blonde bitch that everyone who wasn’t her secretly hated. She had it all: looks, charm, and legs for days.

“This is nothing new.”

“You’re right. But up until today, its been merely speculation.”

“And what made today different than any other?”

“I caught them.” My voice hitched just the slightest which alerted my mother. She stopped brushing my face and stood still. I began again.

“They were in our—my bed.” I came home from work early. It was the most cliche thing. It was straight out of every romcom ever created.”

“Honey—” My mother began, but I knew once I started, I couldn’t stop. I interrupted her.

“And when I found them, I lost it. I called him every name in the book and even made up some. And that made him angry.”

“He didn’t try to hurt you, did he?”

“He tried.”

“No.” She took a step back from me, clearly shaken. I knew I had to say something.

“The only thing I know is that he was heading to the hospital the last time I talked to him. That and I’m never going back to him. Ever.”

She came back to me and embraced me. I could feel her hot tears on my shoulder as her breath fluttered. I gently patted her back in an attempt to sooth her worries. My face remained stone cold.

Moments later, we heard footsteps coming down the hall to the bedroom. My mother jumped up and hastily wiped her eyes.

My father’s gigantic figure stood in the doorway and it was clear that he was frustrated with his bowtie.

“Grace, do you think you could give me a hand with this damn thing? The car just got here, I’m 54 years old and I still can’t tie a tie and I’m frustrated.” His fingers fumbled with both ends.

“Of course. I have since the first date.” Mom glided across the floor to him. I stood up and examined myself in the mirror. It would have to do.

“I’ll go put my dress on.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Holler if you need anything.”

“Sure thing. Good luck, Pop.” I punched him in the arm and began to run away. He lunged for me to get me back, but I was too quick for him. This sent my mother into a fit of laughter.

I walked into my old room and saw that everything was still intact. I made my way over to the closet and picked out a long black dress. It wasn’t ideal, but it would work. I stepped into it and zippered it half way before I couldn’t crank my arm any further.

I sauntered back into my parents room as my mother finished my father’s tie.

“Perfect.” They both said as I entered. My father slouched down and wrapped his arm around my mother’s shoulders as they both admired their artwork: me.

I stood next to my father as my mother acted like the paparazzi we had been so accustomed to. She touched me up a bit and my father and I left for the mysterious house in the Hills.

***

We waited in traffic jam-like traffic outside what I was sure to be one of the most magnificent and classy house I had ever seen. There was the most security I had ever witnessed at one of these things and I had been to a lot. I had even been to both of Obama’s inaugurations.

My father and I exited the car and were immediately bombarded with photographers asking us what we were wearing. As if it mattered?

I strutted in front of the cameras and told them, “I’m wearing this old ass prom dress from my senior year of high school.”

I could hear my father’s deep velvety laugh bellow from behind me. Before I knew it, he blew past all the reporters with ease, shielding his face, and joined me at the front doors of the house, interlocking his arm with mine.

We walked through the house, admiring some of the finest things I had seen. I was looking for clues to figure out whose magnificent home this was. As I stood at the grand piano, tempted to touch, I pried my curious fingers from it and parted. I turned around to face the wall and observe some of the pictures. I looked carefully to find that they weren’t pictures, but drawings. Quite familiar drawings. Cartoons, in fact.

While I grazed over the replica sketches of Fred Flintstone, my eyes locked onto one particular sketch of Stewie Griffin of Family Guy signed with a scribbly signature. I squinted as I struggled to make out the name. As I mouthed “Seth Mac”, I knew.

I knew in that moment that I was about to lose my shit. I spun around to face my father who was sipping on whiskey straight. The look of pure shock plastered onto my dumbfounded face was his sign.

“Glad you came, eh?” He casually sipped.

“Jesus Christmas. He’s here? Seth MacFarlane is here right now?” I babbled.

“Well, its his house. So unless he’s renting it out to the entire democratic party, I’d say he’s here. He said he would be anyway.”

“He said he would be? Like he told you? Like you guys talked about this? Prior? As in before we got here?”

“Yes. We talked at length about the evening.”

“At length? You exchanged words with him?”

“Oh yeah. He’s a great guy. Maybe we’ll see him around tonight.”

“I swear to God, if we leave here and I’m not introduced to him, I’ll become a recluse, shave my head, and eat cat food for the rest of my life.”

“Well we wouldn’t want that now. Just be patient. He’s a busy dude running this thing. He probably won’t have time to chat with us.”

“Fine by me. As long as I can introduce myself, I’m good.”

“Who are you kidding? You're not even going to be able to speak. I’ll do the introducing.”

“Shit. You’re right.”

Just as I admitted my defeat, I man in a fitted tux awkwardly tapped my father on his shoulder. Due to my father’s build, the man’s identity was completely obscured. My father broke his gaze from me and looked down to the man and immediately grinned.

“Speak of the devil!” He turned his body to shake the man’s hand, revealing the mystery man’s stunning profile.

As I live and breathe, I never thought I would be standing face to face with Seth MacFarlane. His hair was perfectly parted to the side and his tux was hugged his body everywhere it should and no where it shouldn’t. He smiled nervously up at my father and I peered around my dad so I could get a better look.

“Todd. Its great you made it! I was worried you wouldn’t because Grace got tied up.” His voice was had even more of a smooth sound in person. If I’m being honest, it was truly intoxicating.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world! Its a great thing you’re doing.”

“Thank you. Who could pass up hosting an event full of people who could get me out of trouble with the FCC?” Seth anxiously smiled at my father as my father roared with laughter.

“Good move, son.” He smacked Seth on the back. “Hey. Are you free a minute?”

“Anything for you, Big T.”

“Great. I have someone who is a bit excited to meet you.” I slapped my father on the back, but it was like smacking the side of a cliff with a flip flop.

My father turned around and held out his hand to guide Seth’s gaze to me.

As soon as he did, Seth’s nervous grin faded. His eyes widened. His body tensed just the slightest and he swallowed hard. He was at a loss for words and so was I. My father smiled at the scene that was being acted out right before him.

“Hello!” He stood frozen in his spot next to my father.

I laughed as he feigned in embarrassment. I returned his anxious expression and smiled back.

“Hello.”

#seth macfarlane

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