shadowykittystrawberry

[shadowykittystrawberry]

I've decided to make a side blog and just vent here instead of on my main. Anyways. I stood up to some people for the first time in a while and now they're all mad at me and idk what to do. One has B*P*D and the other just. Enables the shit out of them while forgetting that I may potentially have B*P*D (unfortunately lost my insurance while talking to a psych about an official diagnosis) but I also do have other mental illnesses. It's like they're completely forgotten until they want to rub it in my face, but THEIR mental illnesses are SOOOO important and the only ones that matter.

The last person just completely fucking victimized themselves while being the problem. And was basically rewarded for it. They basically pulled a "I need time because I hurt you", which feels completely unfair.

It feels like I lost all affection for these people in the last 3 days, but at the same time I'm mourning that. It's a very complicated feeling. I wanted us all to be friends, but I'm so tired of dealing with everyone else's mental illness when no one even asked if I was okay. I tried to set boundaries and then I'd get snapped at. And then they'd cross the boundaries anyways, and when I said they crossed a line, suddenly oh, boo hoo hoo. I'm mad at them and they don't know how to deal with it.

It's your own fault. You know my boundaries. I told you multiple times. What am I supposed to do?

People say that people are evil when they don't want to deal with someone's mental illness, but the thing is... that's so unfair. Why should I have to put up with everything and never get anything in return. I never get support, friendship, or anything like that. I just get rage and frustration and being told that they need time away from me, when I don't even know what I did. And often times, if I did do something, its hypocritical ("you can tell me if you're mad!" [Tells them I'm mad and they stop talking me for over a week]).

What am I supposed to do about that? What the fuck am I supposed to do?

All this shit has just made me give up. I don't want to say I'm s*icidal but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. Where do I go from here? Where CAN I go from here? I don't want to do this anymore. I just wanted people who cared about me and wanted to be around me. Is that so bad to want? To not be shoved away at every turn? I don't think so.