she-writes-things

[she-writes-things]

Life is not over when you turn 30. If anything, life is more stable and enjoyable and you're more mature. Everyone who's over 30 tells me how much safer they feel in life and that their 20's really was for trauma, pain, mental illness and that their 30's are a safer space and a happier space. Being scared to get older is such a brainwashing, ageist thing. Good things are coming.

[she-writes-things]

A form of self harm is def saying "yes" when you mean "I am not sure" or even "no". Saying no is not supposed to hurt others, they are not supposed to be dissapointed in you. You don't owe people everything. You don't need to somehow make sure they stay in a good mood. Don't remove your own consent ever. If you mean no, say no every single time.

[she-writes-things]

growing up and maturing is realising that people including yourself make mistakes. all of us learn from it. we grow and be better, for ourselves. not for anyone else’s sake. maturing is knowing you’ve done something wrong, accepting it and continue to work to become a better version of yourself.

[she-writes-things]

Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

The “effectivity over aesthetics” method.

[she-writes-things]

Dissociation

I see life in brush strokes

I look at things and my mind wonders

About how they will look like in paint

The world seems more real to me

When I imagine it as a painting

Rather than when I am living it

I see the world in abstract

There are no set edges, no set rules

Nothing is ever too real, nothing is decided

But I get so lost sometimes

I get so caught up in my own mind

That I forget the reality I live in

I feel more accomplished and alive

In thoughts than in real life

When I think, therefore I am done

And that can be a problem

Because no one really understands

When I say I am tired

How I am both present and away

Here but somewhere else

Never truly in the moment

Always chasing the next high

Sometimes I even think I am crazy

Because I see life in brush strokes

I look at things and my mind wonders

About how they will look like in paint

Life seems more real to me

When I imagine it as a painting

When I am excluded in the narrative

Rather than when I am living it.

January 25, 2021

[she-writes-things]

I live for quiet days and cozy shut-ins

For the silent moments at home, wherever that means

Like the hours before everyone wakes, rainy days,

Or the kitchen at 3 AM with its silent lullabies

I feel most alive in solitude

When I am free to bask in my thoughts, muse about life

Isn't that what life's supposed to feel like?

Peace, my entire being longs for it. ☕

December 1, 2020

[she-writes-things]

“Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was always just red.”

— Kait Rokowski

[she-writes-things]

The first night away is always the hardest

There is this certain emptiness I cannot escape from

Every wall in this house speaks loudly of you

It is true what they say

Once you have felt warmth, you will long for it

All the time.

October 8, 2020 10:58 PM

[she-writes-things]

“I have so much of you in my heart.”

— John Keats (via bnmxfld)

[she-writes-things]

“I love ideas, sunsets, trees with pretty flowers and the infinite feeling of progress. Imagination, appreciation and every gentle step forward towards creation all bring out the dreamers in me.”

— Juansen Dizon

[she-writes-things]

Why can’t I just feel happy? Why can’t I just feel beautiful? Why can’t I just be okay?

[she-writes-things]

I'm getting tired of spending my 3 AMs sitting on my bed, staring into nothing. I'm so done with wondering what's wrong with me when nothing particular is going astray in my life. How can I be like this when I was just fine a few moments ago? When I have no reason to be 'this' sad?

Truth is, I can't see myself in the future. I can't see myself graduating college or having my own family. I can't even see myself in the moment sometimes. I feel so disconnected from reality. This life feels surreal to me, like I am a secondary character in my own story.

I can't help but think my days here are numbered. Not because I'm going to take my own life but I can feel my mind and body deteriorating each day. I've been sleeping at odd hours and I don't have healthy mental habits either. Scary but no matter how hard I try, I don't see the point.

Kuya checked on me awhile ago, and I loved how natural the conversation went on. I could sense we're both having a hard time but he didn't force me to talk. I didn't either. We can be sensible towards each other like that.

He asked me about what keeps me going. I was amazed by how refreshing the approach was, healthy even. It made me think of the reasons why I am still here and though the goal is to think of good ones, I know it is because I have no choice.

I can't give further disappointment to my family, especially mommy. I can't take leaving them that much pain and sorrow. So here I am, not even for myself.

I know the way I wrote this is crappy but as usual, writing helped me process my emotions. Good thing, I have this safe space. I got to go now because it's almost 4 AM. I should atleast try to not shorten this life span any further. Ciao.

September 27, 2020 3:43 AM

[she-writes-things]

I'm getting hungrier and hungrier each day, and it's not even the kind you can satisfy with food.

I'm hungry for intimacy, for human touch.

I'm hungry for the sunshine and raindrops.

I'm hungry for everything I took for granted.

I'm hungry for the life before all this.

September 26, 2020

[she-writes-things]

A quick list of things you are not:

damaged goods.

a burden.

worthless.

a failure.

stupid.

a waste of space.

weak.

a lost cause.

alone.

[she-writes-things]

Do you ever just want to go back to a period in time where things are much simpler and less complicated? I do. All the time.

September 23, 2020

[she-writes-things]

Ang buhay ay parang isang mahabang dapithapon na tulad ng araw ay lulubog sa takdang panahon. Walang makakapigil. Babalutin ng dilim ang liwanag nakakabahala man ang kawalan.

Kasabay ba ng paglubog ng araw ang pagkamatay ng pag ibig? Gusto kong isipin na hindi. Sapagkat ang dapithapon ay pag ibig na dumadaloy, pag ibig na may iba't ibang anyo, pag ibig na bumabalik.

Ang dapithapon ay hindi isang pagtatapos bagkus isang panibagong simula. Natutulog lamang ang araw, nagpapahinga at muling babangon pagdating ng bukang liwayway.

Hindi man maibabalik ang kahapon, madadagdagan naman ang mga bituin sa langit. Ang mga nagsisilbing liwanag sa gitna ng madilim na gabi. Minsan ay matatakpan ng ulap o masasapawan ng ulan ngunit mananatili ang pag ibig, natatanaw man o hindi.

September 18, 2020, 2:36 PM

[she-writes-things]

girls after saying something smart: So yeah