sheriffspookypants

[sheriffspookypants]

[sheriffspookypants]

already can't pretend to care about the male loneliness epidemic because it isn't real but listening to the way men actually talk about their friends/what they think friendship entails makes me care even less sorry

#men will bitch about the male loneliness epidemic but then be like #’I don’t know my best friend of 20 years birthday. us men like to keep it simple unlike you emotional females ☕️’ #like congrats I guess? #also bowling alone is a great book

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saw a tiktok of a mother taking her very tiny daughter to an art museum and she’s just walking around going “whoooa” “woooaah” to everything but then they got to a marble statue of a nude woman lying on her back and the girl points and goes “mommy🫵” and i just immediately welled up with tears and all the comments are just laughing about it and of course it’s funny but how are you not insanely moved by the way art connects everyone on earth from a centuries-old sculptor to a toddler in 2023

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half my brain is in my teeth and I feel my consciousness eroding everytime I drink the warheads flavored energy drink but that shit taste's so guud plus I have a huge fucking bimbo fetish

[sheriffspookypants]

I was born at a very young age.  I’ve been alive for as long as i can remember, and I hope to continue living until I die.

[sheriffspookypants]

classic post rant quora phrase

[sheriffspookypants]

#ahshdiskebeieo

[sheriffspookypants]

I’ll never forget the time I was sitting with this guy, nice kid, didn’t know him well, I think we must have had a bottle of wine or some questionable hashish or something, and in response to an awkward silence I just started talking and ended up going on a long meandering rant about how ugly American robins are. I’m talking a full monologue. I had an intro and conclusion. It was pointlessly vehement. I have never been so mean or loquacious about anything in my life.

Consider my horror when this perfectly nice guy wordlessly lifted his shirt to reveal a full-torso prismacolor tattoo of his spiritual soul animal, the American robin.

[sheriffspookypants]

grandmasters

[sheriffspookypants]

Being on your phone in bed at home during your free time: this sucks I'm wasting my life away what am I doing

Being on your phone at work:

#me rn

[sheriffspookypants]

im jsjewujdjrjwiwiwowkkw

[sheriffspookypants]

this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018

[sheriffspookypants]

Please keep posting about this Taylor Swift situation. it's so entertaining and hilarious to me. It's not the drama it's the absurdity and ridiculousness of it all that has me hooked.

god theres sooooo many shenanigans that have happened over the years but if we’re talking right now, then uh, here is a story in pictures involving a (justified) bad review for her album

the extremely normal fandom is trying to doxx and harass literally every member of staff they can find at this publication. they were also tweeting gifs of exploding buildings at them and saying “this will be ur hq” and yeah, its likely jokes, but they’re flying pretty close to an investigation there lmao

[sheriffspookypants]

somehow the poor cops who we were told are simply too understaffed and underpaid because of Woke to deal with 'rampant rising crime' have found the strength to beat the shit out of college students across the whole country for peacefully saying "divest from the country killing innocent palestinians in the tens of thousands"

[sheriffspookypants]

action movie directors really don’t understand that they could write the scariest, toughest, most badass line in movie history, and it still wouldn’t come close to the moment in Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, when viscount mabrey of genovia said, “sir you will find that the word ‘fear’ is not in my vocabulary!!” and joe didn’t even fucking blink before replying, “Perhaps… But it’s in your eyes.”

[sheriffspookypants]

[sheriffspookypants]

#if you misspell Melody ion know what to tell you #tho sometimes people mishear Melony and I just dejectedly accept it #I’m tired of fighting that battle it’s close enough