shittininthe1940s

[shittininthe1940s]

Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?

Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.

Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?

Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.

[shittininthe1940s]

still fuckin hate that “bee-free honey” that’s made from……… apples. bitch who you think sexed up those apples

[shittininthe1940s]

[shittininthe1940s]

Sibling asked how ppl in star wars dance to jizz music and I had to give her an example

[shittininthe1940s]

[shittininthe1940s]

awesome ‼️

[shittininthe1940s]

“Why did God create the appendix? So that surgeons don’t go hungry.”

— A surgeon

[shittininthe1940s]

things that would be dope to be

the marble in spray paint

boulder at the bottom of a lake

the last leaf of autumn… take your sweet old time

lightbulb filament

grain of sand

pillbug that just discovered an insane composter

cumulonimbus cloud

[shittininthe1940s]

[shittininthe1940s]

This is my favourite interview strategy

[shittininthe1940s]

I hate when I drink all of my drink and there's no drink left. What the fuckkkkkkk. #sickandtwisted

[shittininthe1940s]

[shittininthe1940s]

society is actually wrong. u can like poem and talk about it to ur friends

[shittininthe1940s]

Babies are socially accepted parasites.

[shittininthe1940s]

I'm like a wizard but instead of casting spells I'll put a hot dog in the air fryer and I think that's magical in its own way

[shittininthe1940s]

wholesome laffy taffy jokes

[shittininthe1940s]