sinfulsocio

[sinfulsocio]

Working from home. (via mujisama)

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fucking WASTED

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biggest plot twist of my childhood

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[sinfulsocio]

Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So was the rest of the house.

He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!” He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating. Jack asked, “Son, what happened last night?” “Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.” Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replied, “Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!’”

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A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.”

Rob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Rob said “today is my birthday, i’m feeling LUCKY and I guess 8”.

The owner said, “You were very close, the lucky number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.”

A week later, Rob, with his friend Marvin, pulled in for another fill-up. Again Rob asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Rob guessed 2. The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3, you were very close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, Marvin said to Rob, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex at all.”

Rob replied, “No it’s genuine enough Marvin. My wife won twice last week.”

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid replies, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama” They talk and get acquainted and the manager likes him so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come by after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he pulled through it. After the store was locked, the manager came down just like he said. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid replies, “One.” The boss glares at him and shouts, “Just one!? Our sales people average 20-30 customers per day!” .. “How much was the sale for!?” The kid replies “$121,237.65” The boss now shocked, “What in the hell did you sell!?”

The kids says, “Well first I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then a new fishing rod. So I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he needs a good boat, we went down to that department, and he got a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull the boat so I took him to the automotive department and sold him a truck.

The boss furrowing his brow said, "A guy came here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat and a truck???”

The kid replied, “No, the guy came here to buy tampons for his wife and I said ‘dude your weekend sounds shot, you should go fishing’.

[sinfulsocio]

anyone know a doctor .. think i might have hep the tight is 😔

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One Day at a Time addressing how it should never be up to the child to fix a broken relationship with a parent.

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You put my husband at risk, and for what? Because you felt a little cooped up? That’s not it.

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hmmm

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Aaaaaand, here is the walkcycle, starring Chel, from “the road to ElDorado” (thank you Dreamwork for those hips, that was a real pleasure to animate).

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Dogs playing a game. Rules are a mystery

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reblog this post if you would watch a youtube poop in a Theater