sirgigglesda1st

[sirgigglesda1st]

WILD MAGIC SORCERER: RELOADED

I've always had issues with wild magic. Surges are dependent on your GM remembering they exist, and some effects can wipe your party instantly, or bring in summons the GM just needs to have on hand. Outside the funny table, there's not much flavor to the class.

My rewrite puts more of a focus on gambling, more wild effects with less dangerous results, and more wild features.

[sirgigglesda1st]

💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Mirrored Ball of Brag’inir
Wondrous item, legendary ___

This mirrored ball is 3 inches in diameter and weighs 1 pound. Its reflective shards seem held together by a disembodied force of will. You can use an action to speak the command word and throw the sphere at a Huge or smaller creature you can see within 60 feet of you. As the sphere moves through the air, its mirrored shards drift apart to open the ball.

Make a ranged attack roll with an attack bonus equal to your Dexterity modifier plus your proficiency bonus. On a hit, the ball’s shards briefly encircle the target, which is then affected by the “maze” spell (no concentration required) and shunted to a special demiplane within the ball. Missing with the attack causes the shards to contract and become a sphere once more.

This version of the “maze” spell creates a labyrinth of mirrored walls. When the spell ends, the target reappears in the ball’s space or, if there isn’t room for it, in the nearest unoccupied space. The ball then vanishes, but reappears in a random location on a different plane of existence. When the target reappears, it takes 10d10 psychic damage from the ordeal, or half as much damage if the target escaped the labyrinth and ended the spell early. If the target escapes the labyrinth, it suffers a random short-term madness effect, which lasts for 1 minute. If the target spends the full duration in the labyrinth, it instead suffers a random long-term madness effect that lasts for 7 days. ___

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[sirgigglesda1st]

REVERSE TROPE WRITING PROMPTS

Too many beds

Accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss

Really nice guy who hates only you

Academic rivals except it’s two teachers who compete to have the best class

Divorce of convenience

Too much communication

True hate’s kiss (only kissing your enemy can break a curse)

Dating your enemy’s sibling

Lovers to enemies

Hate at first sight

Love triangle where the two love interests get together instead

Fake amnesia

Soulmates who are fated to kill each other

Strangers to enemies

Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating

Too hot to cuddle

Love interest CEO is a himbo/bimbo who runs their company into the ground

Nursing home au

[sirgigglesda1st]

What are some chronic illnesses that can only occur in a fantasy setting?

[sirgigglesda1st]

Art by u/reachling

[sirgigglesda1st]

💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Stone Soldier
Wondrous item, uncommon ___

This fist-sized toy is carved from gray stone into the shape of a rugged foot soldier. You can use an action to toss the toy into an unoccupied space that you can see within 10 feet of you and speak its command word. The toy then springs to life and animates, magically growing to the size of a Medium humanoid when it does. The animated toy uses the statistics for a guard, with the following changes:

• Its creature type is construct. • Its hit points are tripled. • It has resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage from nonmagical attacks. • It has immunity to poison and psychic damage. • Whenever it takes the Attack action, it can make two attacks with its spear.

The construct is friendly to you and your companions. It understands your languages and obeys your spoken commands. In combat, the construct acts on its own initiative count. If you issue no commands, it defends itself but takes no other actions. You can use an action while touching the construct to speak its command word again to revert it to its toy form.

If the construct is reduced to 0 hit points, it dies and reverts to its toy form. The toy then shatters and is destroyed. If the construct reverts to its toy form before losing all its hit points, it regains all of them, but can’t be animated again for 24 hours. ___

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💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Hearthfire Mantle
Wondrous item, uncommon ___

The inside of this heavy leather cloak is decorated with the image of a roaring fireplace. Brick-like patches of leather line the rim of the cloak, which always feel fire-warmed to the touch. While wearing the cloak, you can tolerate temperatures as low as −50 degrees Fahrenheit without any additional protection. Laying the cloak on the ground or hanging it on a wall with its fiery inside exposed creates as much warmth as a small campfire.

You can use an action while wearing the cloak to speak one of its two command words and activate its properties.

“𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚.” You ignite a flammable object you’re holding.

“𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙢.” Nonhostile creatures within 10 feet of you gain 2d6 temporary hit points. A creature with these hit points can tolerate temperatures as low as −50 degrees Fahrenheit without any additional protection. Once this property of the cloak has been used, it can’t be used again until the next dawn. ___

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[sirgigglesda1st]

⚔️ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Arkanotars
Weapon (dagger), very rare ___

��Arkanotars” are weapons from a far-flung age and can sometimes be found in the lairs of sphinxes that have traveled through time. They always come in pairs, and can only be used when worn together. It takes an action to don or doff the “arkanotars”.

The item appears to be a pair of gauntlet-like devices. While wearing them on your hands, you can use a bonus action to cause an electrical blade to spring forth from them, or make them disappear. For the duration, the blade only persists while your hands are clenched into fists. The blades emit bright light in a 15-foot radius and dim light for an additional 15 feet.

You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with these magic weapons, which deal lightning damage instead of piercing damage. Due to their worn nature, these weapons lack the thrown property. For the first time on each of your turns when you hit the same target twice using the blades, that target also takes an extra 2d6 lightning damage. When a target takes this extra lightning damage, you can choose to overload it with electrical force: doing so causes tendrils of lightning to lash out at other creatures within 10 feet of the target. Each creature within that area (excluding yourself) must succeed on a DC 16 Dexterity saving throw or take 2d6 lightning damage. If a creature is made of metal or is wearing metal armor, it makes the saving throw with disadvantage.

The weapon runs on a power source that’s fueled by magic. The weapons’ blades can persist for up to 1 hour before the power source is empty. Deduct the time it persists in increments of 1 minute from the power source’s total time. You know how much remaining time the source has while holding the weapons. Any creature can use an action to expend a spell slot level of 1st level or higher into the power source, adding to its total remaining time, by touching either “arkanotar” as the spell slot is expended. The power source regains a number of minutes of power…

… Continued in the comment below! ___

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💎 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Contingency Cards
Wondrous item, very rare ___

When found, there are 1d4 + 2 “contingency cards” in a stack. Each one has a type of circumstance detailed on it. Choose from the table below or roll a number of d20s equal to the cards found to determine what circumstance is written on each card.

 | d20 | Circumstance | —  | 1 | When you die |  | 2 | When you roll a 1 on the d20 when making an ability check |  | 3 | When you trigger an attack of opportunity from a hostile creature |  | 4 | When you miss with an attack |  | 5 | When you fail a saving throw against a hostile source |  | 6 | When you’re knocked prone by a hostile source |  | 7 | When you hit a target with an attack |  | 8 | When you fall from a height greater than 10 feet |  | 9 | When you make a death saving throw |  | 10 | When you drop to less than half your maximum hit points |  | 11 | When you’re surprised or trigger a trap |  | 12 | When a spell you cast ends early as a result of “counterspell”, “dispel magic”, or failing a Constitution saving throw |  | 13 | When you finish a short rest |  | 14 | When you roll initiative |  | 15 | When you take more than 30 damage from a single source |  | 16 | When you become grappled or restrained |  | 17 | When you become frightened or charmed |  | 18 | When you score a critical hit |  | 19 | When you yell out “Help!” |  | 20 | The card is blank: write your own circumstance before using it to cast a spell  |  

When you cast a spell that targets only yourself, you can use a “contingency card” that you’re holding as part of casting it to recreate the effects of the “contingency” spell from it, using the circumstance that’s written on the card as the one required by the spell. The card then ignites and turns to ash, destroying itself. The spell you cast is then only cast once the circumstance comes to pass for the first time within the next 10 days, as per the “contingency” spell. This version of “contingency” doesn’t end early as a result of not having a material component. ___

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[sirgigglesda1st]

⚔️ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Cursed Fang
Weapon (dagger), rare (requires attunement) ___

This crooked, jet black dagger curses the blood of any creature hit with it. You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. When you hit a creature with this weapon that isn’t a construct, plant, or undead, that creature is cursed until the end of your next turn. While cursed by the dagger, it has disadvantage on Dexterity (Stealth) checks made to hide and must make a DC 15 Constitution saving throw whenever it magically regains hit points. On a failed save, the creature instead takes necrotic damage equal to the amount healed (maximum 20). ___

✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon’s Saddlebag on Patreon for less than $10 a month!

[sirgigglesda1st]

Real observations since I started wearing a wizard hat daily:

- Brim is so wide that I stay BONE DRY taking walks in the rain

- Brim can be positioned to block the sun from ever getting in my eyes AND keeping it off the back of my neck

- The pointed top part creates an air pocket, keeping my head from getting hot or squishing my hair as it might in a ball cap

- Hat can easily be pulled down over the tips of my ears without looking dumb, protecting them from wind chill

- Strangers say they like my hat, giving me the chance to tell them that I am a wizard

- When you’re wearing a wizard hat, ALL OTHER FASHION CHOICES become secondary, allowing you to branch out with style

Embrace ego death. Stay protected from all elements. Wear a wizard hat.

[sirgigglesda1st]

I think I saw your pinned post on upwork

Nope. Never posted there.

[sirgigglesda1st]

How Bethesda fixed Vampires without realizing it

So there's a LOT of takes on vampires across media, and most of them are radically different from each other. The Elder Scrolls series has an interesting version that I haven't seen anywhere else, that incidentally fixes a bunch of lore issues with vampires, and yet Bethesda hasn't ever really leaned into any of that.

So, the issue with vampires in large RPGs like Elder Scrolls games, D&D, etc, is that a world where various elements of character building are supposed to be balanced, vampires are heavy on the upside and light on meaningful drawbacks. So in Oblivion, Bethesda completely reworked their vampires, coming at it with a blank slate:

Vampirism is a 4-stage affliction, with each stage increasing the numerous benefits of being a vampire as well as the middling drawbacks. Stage 4 brings with it all humanoid NPCs recognizing you as a ravenous monster and attacking you, basically wrecking the game. And, this is the unique part, you reduce stages by drinking blood. Being a vampire is LESSENED by doing the most vampiric thing out there, it actively makes you weaker.

And this is great. From a gameplay perspective, you vanish below ground to kill zombies/robots/whatever, and you grow stronger as the dungeon goes on. But if you don't rush through it, or if it's large, you surface having ignored your hunger for several days and have to do a whole second quest to sneak into town at night and drink blood, where the only reward is to engage with the game again. It's a drawback in the gameplay sense rather than the stats sense. And it lets game designers throw the player against weak vampires in town early on, and face dungeons full of max-bloodlust monsters later once the player knows how things work.

Meanwhile, from a lore perspective this is also great. Suddenly, it's not that vampires have to be evil, it's that they have a choice. A good person who flees their family to hide in a cave is going to starve, turning into a ravenous, uncontrolled, extremely strong monster. Someone who's comfortable sneaking around town drinking blood, meanwhile? They never lose control. They walk in the sun. They're perfectly human. Or as human as anyone can be while the blood of their neighbors flows in their veins.

And Bethesda doesn't DO ANYTHING with this. People you talk to in-game just treat it as "all vampires are evil, why would you expect anything else", when they've created a world where vampire morality is so much more interesting. The few vampires who exist in civilization that you're not supposed to kill don't really discuss their condition at all. And there's plenty of evil vampires choosing to live in caves running societies of vampires, when that makes no sense compared to basically any other way of life they could set up.

Bethesda games are a masterful disaster, in this as in everything else.

[sirgigglesda1st]

[sirgigglesda1st]

Years ago back when I worked in cubicle land, we were hiring junior software developers. They didn’t have to have a ton of experience, just a willingness to learn, and some demonstration of their software skills. Like: show me a program you wrote (any language) or a web site you designed. Anything.

And there was this one guy I talked with who seemed super sharp, but had virtually zero experience writing software. When it came time to do the show-n-tell part of the interview he whips out his laptop, brings up a website, and spins it around to show me what he made.

A website of tiny ceramic frogs.

Not for sale. Just… all these ceramic frogs, organized into categories. Frogs on bicycles, frogs with hats, frogs sitting on lily pads. It was a virtual museum of ceramic frogs in web form.

I scrolled through his online collection of frogs, slightly baffled.

“This is your website?” I asked finally.

“Yep!”

“You coded this yourself?” I popped into view-source mode and poked around some incredibly well-formatted, well-commented html. I nodded slowly. This guy was meticulous.

“Yep!”

“So… where’d all the frogs come from?”

“I made those too,” he says, beaming. 

And while I’m processing this he rummages in his bag and pulls out a little ceramic frog working at a computer terminal. He places it on the table before us, next to the laptop.

“And THIS one,” he says, “I made for you! As a thank you for the interview.”

It was adorable. I hired him on the spot. I mean, why not? Worst case he’d wash out in 90 days and we’d hire somebody else. He turned out to be one of the best developers on our team. 

And yes, his cubicle was loaded with ceramic frogs.

[sirgigglesda1st]

ok I mean it this time but rogues are really fun to brew for

[sirgigglesda1st]

Reenactor throws a spear at a drone