sjnlara

[sjnlara]

Everything About Us Is Wrong, But That’s What’s So Right

You give me hope that even though I have no idea what tomorrow is going to look like — with you, I know that it will always be beautiful.

Beside you, there is no reason for me to worry and be afraid about being right or being wrong. Beside you, what’s important is that I feel loved and protected. Beside you, I am assured that I will always be taken care of.

I don’t mind if the world thinks that everything about us is wrong, because loving you is the best decision I’ve ever made.

Choosing you over anyone or anything is something I promise not to regret. And if, one day, we will be separated by something that we can’t control — I will spend the rest of my life waiting for you.

I will not let my heart forget you. I will not allow my mind to stop thinking about you. Because to me, you are one of the few reasons why life is worth living. You are, in a lot of ways, the source of my happiness when my world gets dark.

Our special connection to each other is a reminder to everyone that in love, there’s no specific rules that we all need to follow. In love, what matters the most is how we make our partners the best person that they can be.

And regardless of what other people say — the only thing that we should all pay attention to, when it comes to love, is the wild beating of our hearts. 

#162 💙💚❤💛💜

[sjnlara]

To you who made me see things I could never see alone.

I miss you.

[sjnlara]

The Love Letter I Will Never Send You: Vol2

The distance between two people can be measured in laughter, or glances, miles, minutes, or hours.

A moment can seem like an eternity.

One single mile can seem like thousands.

You can be touching someone and still feel like there are worlds between you.

There can be actual worlds between you and feel like you’re right next to each other.

Every day, we are given eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds.

That’s eighty-six thousand and four hundred opportunities for you to cross my mind.

To make me smile.

My heart beats in rapid pace to match my thoughts.

I often wonder what it would be like, if time would grant us the opportunity to join forces.

We spend our whole lives walking among the earth, wandering aimlessly.

Without rhyme, reason or cause.

We exist within our own bubbles. Searching for someone to lay our heads next to at night.

Someone to experience the journey with. To enrich the memories we create day in and day out.

Life works in ways one cannot comprehend.

Why do things happen the way they do? Why bring two people together who will inevitably never be able to make sense of the mess they’re in?

People cross paths, I believe for a reason.

Weather we can decode the reason or not.

I take something away from every person I’ve met. And leave a piece of my heart with them.

My chest is filled with cracks, and holes from the missing pieces that now live somewhere else.

Addresses unknown.

Half-heartedly I try to fill the gaps in with new memories, new people.

They just create new voids to fill.

To love someone, is to put yourself in the line of fire.

I always know when the flame is going to burn me.

I know from the very beginning. I can always tell.

But I’m like Icarus, flying too close to the sun.

I love the way the warmth feels on my skin. I’ll happily suffer the fallout to endure the short-term ecstasy.

Even when something is heart wrenchingly painful; keeping me up at night.

I’ll keep going back.

I’m a masochist for the tears that burn my cheeks.

I spend my days so numb to things, that the pain is at least something.

My heart throbbing.

Each beat screaming out for me to stop.

Stop doing this. Stop hoping. Stop dreaming.

I try to open my eyes open but they’re clenched so tight behind their rose-colored glasses.

Breathe in.

Exhale.

I can hear my blood rushing through my veins at hyper speed.

Singing out in excitement.

Every day, we are given eighty-six thousand and four hundred seconds.

And I would spend every one, fighting my way back to you. 

[sjnlara]

I’ve lost count of the times

I’ve turned to my side

And expected you to be there

When you really weren’t.

Sometimes I try to touch your face

I close my eyes, and pretend

you’re sleeping beside me still

Your heartbeat in my ears feels real

So I stay like that till I fall asleep

Never touching your pillow

So I don’t break the fantasy

Of you lying next to me

I’ve lost count of the tears

I’ve shed over you

Playing back our last moments

When I wish I had said the words

That still ring in my ears.

Even if you couldn’t hear,

Even if you couldn’t heed

I wish I had said,

"Please don’t leave me."

Words by Macy Macy Quinto Bautista

#ArtidopeSpeak

[sjnlara]

Saying Goodbye Or Starting Over Again

Now I look at you and wonder if we can start our relationship again,

or if I should just say goodbye and let you slip from my hands again?

It isn't wise to cling to past when making decisions,

but you should hold the past in some consideration.

Look it over with mature eyes to determine if the person can be forgiven,

and think about your motives behind rekindling old relationships.

If it’s just a desperate act of feel loved by a familiar face,

sometimes it may be better to just say goodbye.

Listen to yourself first, and consider your friends’ warning second.

Only you know what you felt and what you still feel. 

[sjnlara]

Don't stay just because you think it will get better.

#NoteToSelf

[sjnlara]

You Don't Give Up on Someone You Love

Love, although it may fade, never gives up on you.

Love that leaves is not lost; it will find you again someday.

Perhaps, when you least expect it or maybe when you really want it to.

Love doesn’t play by anyone else’s rules.

Love means giving in.

Love means taking chances.

[sjnlara]

I’ve been in love before, it’s like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day you want more. You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things.You think about the person you love for two minutes then forget them for three hours. But then you get used to that person, and you begin to be completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget him for two minutes. If he’s not there, you feel like an addict who can’t get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you’re willing to do anything for love.

Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. (via sarahjanelara-blog)

[sjnlara]

[sjnlara]

juxtaposition, n.

It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can’t even make the comparisons anymore, because my memories of that time have all the depth of a photograph. It seems foolish to play games of better and worse. It’s simply a matter of is and is no longer.

[sjnlara]

[sjnlara]

I Don’t Want Casual, I Want Real

I don’t want to be the girl you kiss across the bar. I don’t want to be the text you ignore on Friday nights, but respond to on lazy Sundays when you have no other plans. I don’t want to be the person you think about when you’re lonely, when you want someone to fill the empty space on the other side of your bed. I don’t want to be the ‘sometimes,’ the almost-but-not-quite, the more-than-friends-but-not-a-girlfriend, labeled with a smirk or brushed off when I’m brought up around your friends. I don’t want whatever this is—whatever the world labels half-love, half-a**ed, non-commitment—because I don’t want to waste time with someone who isn’t all in. I don’t want casual. I want something real. I want to fall in love with someone who wants to learn every part of me, who asks about my past and wonders about my future, who lays down and listens to the stories that run through my mind. I want to fall in love with someone who is curious, who wants to discover parts of me I didn’t know I was hiding, and unfold his secrets out to me, one by one. I want to fall in love with someone who isn’t scared to fall. Someone who doesn’t hesitate before every kiss, or question every touch. Who doesn’t think of the past before reaching out to me, who doesn’t hold me accountable for the pain from his last relationship, who trusts me, without question. Someone who knows what he wants, and knows that he wants us. Who isn’t too afraid to step forward, to reach for my hand, to claim me as his. I want to fall in love with someone who is passionate. Someone who won’t settle for only seeing me from ‘time to time’ or when he’s bored, but someone who will initiate plans as much as I will. Who won’t back out last minute. Who won’t just call when it’s late at night and he’s a few drinks in. I want to fall in love with someone who wants to grow—with me, alongside me, together. Someone who is continually journeying with me, not afraid to try new things, to mess up, to give his whole self to me without regret. I don’t want a relationship that can’t be labeled, a connection that has no commitment nor promise of a future. I want someone whose heart I can hold. I don’t want casual. I don’t want random dates or hookups. I don’t want moments that are only beautiful when we’re together, but quickly forgotten when we’re apart. I don’t want to be a ‘thing’ instead of a couple. I don’t want to be just a number in a call log, just another text on phone screen. I don’t want to be someone regarded as ‘temporary,’ as ‘fun,’ as ‘that one girl.’ I want to be the girl. And I want something that matters, something that’s special, something that’s filled with affection and care that goes far beyond the physical. I want promises and a future. I want together, committed, passionate. I want love. I want real. 

[sjnlara]

❤❤❤❤

#ctto #mylove #janepotfeels

[sjnlara]

For Women Who Are ‘Difficult’ to Love

You are a horse running alone

and he tries to tame you,

compares you to an impossible highway,

to a burning house,

says you are blinding him,

that he could never leave you,

forget you,

want anything but you. 

You dizzy him. 

You are unbearable.

Every woman before or after you is doused in your name. 

You fill his mouth. 

His teeth ache with memory of taste.

His body just a long shadow seeking yours,

but you are always too intense,

frightening in the way you want him,

unashamed and sacrificial. 

He tells you that no man can live up to the one who

lives in your head,

and you tried to change didn't you?

Closed your mouth more,

tried to be softer, prettier,

less volatile, less awake;

but even when sleeping you could feel

him traveling away from you in his dreams. 

So what did you want to do love,

split his head open?

You can’t make homes out of human beings.

Someone should have already told you that,

and if he wants to leave,

then let him leave.

You are terrifying

and strange and beautiful.

Something not everyone knows how to love.

- Warsan Shire

[sjnlara]

Love Is A Decision, Not A Feeling

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it’s learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a decision. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.

[sjnlara]

Gusto kita(ng maging akin muli)

Gusto kitang yayain- “Tara, inom tayo.” Baka sakali kasing maramdaman mo ulit Na ako ang kailangan mo.

Gusto kitang samahan habang ika'y lasing na Kasi gusto kong marining man lang Ang iyong mga bibitiwang salita.

Gusto kitang yakapin habang hilong-hilo ka na Baka kasi ako lang muli ang makikita mo Na malinaw sa'yong mata.

Gusto kitang ipagtimpla- ng kape na nag-iinit Baka kasi gisingin nito, di lang ang iyong diwa Kundi pati ang puso sa iyong dibdib.

Gusto kitang tabihan kapag ika'y tinamaan na Hahawakan ko na rin ang malalambot na kamay mo Di kita iiwang mag-isa.

Gusto kitang halikan sa noo kapag ika'y tulog na Ipararamdam ko na sa iyong mahal na mahal kita At di kita kayang mawala.

Gusto kitang pahigain sa kama pag hindi mo na kaya Tatabihan kita at mangangako sayo na mahal man kita, Ngayon ay mas mahahalin ka na.

Gusto kitang kuwentuhan pag-gising mo Di tungkol sa pagkalasing mo, kundi tungkol sa tayo Ang tayo noon na nawa'y magsimula ng bago.

Gusto kitang mahalin, ngayon ay labis na Pupunan ko na lahat ng pagkukulang ko nung simula Kung papasukin mo ako sa puso mo ulit Aalagaan kita ng todo hanggang matakpan na ang sakit

Sakit na dulot sayo ng pagkabigo mo sa akin, Sakit rin na dulot mo nang ako'y iyong lisanin.

–val

P.S.

Andito lang ako.

[sjnlara]

The Love Letter I Will Never Send You

I stood before you, with fire in my heart.

My soul was set ablaze. My eyes, the deepest shade of blue. With each slow blink, they pulled you closer to me. Like a moth to the flame. My flame.

The sound of your voice floats into the air and penetrates my mind. I watch you speak with intensity, your lips moving with purpose. Your words were the match that struck against my skin.

Every syllable perfectly articulated. I’ve never listened to anyone as closely as I listen to you. Your word slams into me like a hurricane, wrapping themselves around me. Enveloping me.

My entire life plays on the projection screen in my mind. It relives every ghost from my past. Every verbal lashing that shook my core. Every rough touch that left scars invisible to the naked eye.

These memories make me grateful. They make me appreciate everything you are. Your words, your voice, your kind touch.

When our skin connects, it lights the fire inside of me. But what’s more, what’s truly incredible is the way your words heal me. Hours upon hours of therapy with you.

My hunger to explore every inch of your mind is consuming. Your intelligence is heady, mixed with your touch. I’m yours. Melting.

I know that this will have catastrophic effects on my heart. I’ve suffered many losses. Gotten through the darkest of hours. I’ve had loved ones die in my arms.

But the sting of failure to love; it hits the hardest.

The blows are crushing, wave after wave until you can’t speak and you’ve resorted to the fetal position. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, all-consuming unfiltered heartbreak.

I don’t know if you can feel the electricity. I don’t know if this pull is one sided. I don’t care about the risk. I don’t care about the pain. Life is about living, and if I don’t try; I’ll never know.

I can promise you all the joy one can offer. All the laughter. The smiling. Our lives won’t be easy. But it will be ours. Filled with sandy beaches, far off places, cups of whiskey, barbecues, late nights with friends, endless books, wrestling until we’re both laughing so hard we can’t breathe.

I thank the earth every day for you. And hope you know how beautiful you are. Inside and out.

Your soul shines brighter than any beam of sunlight. You’re the jagged piece that doesn’t fit. The sock missing its match. You’re riddled with history like the carvings on the walls of ancient times. And I love that.

You are culture, and elegance, and class all wrapped up in one messy collection of flesh and bones. You’re the perfect person to me. And no amount of pain will stop me from taking this leap into you.

Let me ignite us both on fire. So that we can conquer it all together. And build an empire.

I’m here, with fire in my heart. I’m holding it in my hands, to give to you. If it slips and falls, it’s okay.

If you don’t catch it, the embers will fade and leave behind a divot. A reminder of this love I felt.

I never want to forget it. Forget you. Even if your words never pierce my skin again, or your trembling hands don’t grace my skin with their touch. I’ll have a reminder that you were here. And how you changed me.