skunklin-blog
...her dizzy head is conscience laden
Always anxious.
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It’s just a jumble of thoughts in my head that need untangling. You are my precious 9 month old baby doll. Your father and I go to family court for the first time next Monday to sort out medical expenses and child support. I wish we didn’t have to do this. Right now, he is saying he wants to spend daytime hours with you every other Saturday. He says he wants to be involved in your life. Isn’t that nice of him, after 9 months? So nice of him to just drop in - “Oh, I’m ready to be a father now!”. But he won’t be a father. He will pick you up and take you to your grandparents house. You’ll eat, take a nap, play a little bit, and then you’ll come back home. It will be like sending you to daycare for yet ANOTHER day of the week. You’ll wonder why Mommy is sending you away with a stranger. I can’t take this - It is ripping me apart.
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I was too impulsive in the past. I kept settling, thinking I could forge the "perfect" relationship. There is no perfect relationship. This isn't some big revelation, I always knew that - but I'm understanding it now.
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Babies....
I’m falling asleep eating… I won’t stay asleep in my crib… oh to get in Stella’s head!
#babies #newborn #sleep
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i guess for my future self i should briefly recap what happened in the last two years. July 2012, move with John to Vicksburg. November/December he starts telling me he doesn't want to get married again, and doesn't want any more kids (he had 1 from previous marriage). Right at this time, Lane Bryant offers store manager position, best position I've been offered. Torn between having to move back in with my parents or staying for the $$ and opportunity I stayed. Officially start February 2013. John and I are awkward roommates but it works for the most part. Just working to live at this point, able to replace my car and get a new one, paying on student loans blah blah.
Read on for Reed.
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she's back.
again. Two years since I've wrote - this showcases my commitment level to most things. Of the followers and all that I have 3 left, who I don't know. So if you're reading this, heyyy. None of my "real life" friends blog.
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No updates recently, because the past week has been HECTIC. I have kept up my clean eating pretty well. A lot of the same meals that I talked about previously, plus a few new concoctions I made - bean and vegetable soup, scrambled eggs/feta cheese/onions, etc. On Valentine's day I did have a bite size chocolate truffle (fresh from the casino bakery, OMG, it was so so good), and a couple bites of a chocolate cake. And, candy hearts. Other than that, I haven't had any set backs :) I also bought a juicer last night, and I can't wait to play with it later today!
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I just got the call two hours ago letting me know I've been hired on at the Lane Bryant here as the.... Store Manager! Yeahhh! Finally, my hard work and education has paid off. With that being said, the pay isn't great, just a little above what I was making as assistant manager at Sears, but that is because of the area I'm living in. Also, plus size clothing isn't exactly my dream area to work with (my ultimate dream is to leave retail and get into some gigundo corporation in a big city), but I'm looking forward to helping women look and feel their best. I'm a little nervous, considering I'm a size 8. What if the shoppers resent me? What if they feel like I don't know where they're coming from? I do, but I won't have time to share my life story with them. I'm also nervous about a few of my new co-workers - supposedly one of them has been acting store manager since October, and really wanted this position. I know all these feelings are just fleeting though. I am sure it is going to work out. Right? Right.
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Paleo Dinner, Day 5! Grilled chicken, onions, mushrooms and cilantro over brown rice, with half an avocado.
The boys tried to sabbotage me tonight - I woke up to the smell of McDonalds fries in the house! Ahh! I jumped out of bed and started cooking immediately. I know eating a fry or two wouldn't have killed me, but I feel I owe it to myself to give this my all, especially starting out. What made me feel better about it, other than eating my delicious meal? I gave John a bite, and he said "Man, why did I have to eat that crap earlier?"
#eatingclean #paleo #feelinggood
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Saturday night (Day 3) went according to plan. I had a bad ass salad full of protein (egg, crab, avocado) to fill me up before work. I drank 6 bottles of water from 10 P to 8 A, to try and ward off the candy cravings that come with working in a drugstore (it worked). At 3 AM I had my "lunch" break, which consisted of cucumbers in vinegar, raw carrots, one boiled egg, and a Babybel cheese.
When I got home, I was hungry, but also exhausted, so I didn't bother trying to find something to eat (by this time I was wanting something hot and carb loaded). I slept til 5, and I just made myself a protein smoothie (with Kefir, Greek Yogurt, Whey Powder and Milk to mix) and had a few strawberries. Dinner will be a repeat of last night's salad because it was just that good!
#eatingclean #paleo
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Dinner from Paleo Day 3! Spinach leaves with crab meat, avocado, strawberries, and feta cheese. This was sooo good.
#eatingclean #paleo #NalaApproved
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My flounder & carrot meal - Nala approved.
#eatingclean #paleo #sillydog
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Paleo Days 2 & 3
I couldn't go cold turkey into this new lifestyle for a couple of reasons - 1, I don't have enough of the right food (yet). 2, I had things around the kitchen that I really just didn't want to waste. The following days will get better and better though.
Friday:
Breakfast was those fairly new Belvita breakfast crackers. I have a box and a half left, and really didn't want to throw them out (Ok, and they sounded a lot better than eggs to my brain). Before my talk with the nutritionist I thought they were great! 4 cinnamon and brown sugar crackers, decent amount of calories, and "sustained energy" to get me through my mornings.
Lunch was two flounder filets with fresh parsley and garlic powder(I am just now thinking that garlic powder may not be paleo... Will have to look) and cooked carrots. The whole thing took less than 15 minutes to prepare, and was really tasty.
However, I forgot to pick up bottled water AND milk at the store, and I was left with a strawberry pomegranate Sierra Mist to drink. Ahh horrors! Haha. They are good though, and I only had 2 left. (I'm not a total tap water snob, but the water here in Vicksburg is NOT GOOD.)
I got plenty of cucumbers at the store, and I made a big batch of cucumer/vinegar/pepper to snack on when I'm hungry. Yum!
For dinner, we went out for sushi. Sushi has white rice though! Noooo! So, I had 8 pieces of sashimi (just the fish) - salmon and yellowtail. I also had a cucumber and octopus salad (just like it sounds, only those two ingredients) and miso soup. I'm not sure if the miso is paleo... But the soup is basically just hot water, so I wasn't too concerned about it.
Day 3, today - Saturday!
Breakfast - An apple! Oooh. I like apples, really, I do. I do not like the time it takes to eat one, and wait for my brain to comprehend that I'm not hungry anymore. So, I had a moment of weakness, and finished off the last of my Special K chips (another old staple of mine that I couldn't get rid of! It was only 10 or 12 of them though.)
Lunch was the same as day 2, flounder and carrots. I also had a Babybel cheese - if you haven't ever ate these, you are missing out. They come in their own cute individual packaging. (And I had my last Sierra Mist)
I've had some cucumber this afternoon, and I just finished hard boiling some eggs.
Dinner tonight is going to be lump crab over spinach leaves with two hard boiled eggs. The tricky part is that I start back on overnights tonight. What will I eat at 3 AM? I don't know yet. I'm most likely going to bring carrots and an egg or two with me.
I am still playing around with all of this - I'm not even sure I'm eating enough. I'm sure I will find a balance soon enough though!
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First Paleo shopping trip...
$70 and some change. I got:
Produce: Parsley (2), Cilantro, Celery, Squash (3), Brussels Sprouts (at least a pound), Spinach, Carrots, Cucumber (3), Avocados (2), Apples (4)
Meat: Lump crab, Flounder & Swai Fillets (I chose those fillets because they were the least expensive that Kroger carries - they are conveniently packaged seperately, and can be ready to eat from freezer to plate in less than 15 minutes)
Dairy: Babybel single serving cheeses, Feta Cheese
And for the protein smoothie my nutritionist told me about : Kefir, Greek Yogurt, Strawberries and Whey Powder (which was $15 on its own)
I didn't really have any meal plans when I got this stuff, and the whey powder will last for awhile, so the next trip should be significantly less expensive. I figure what I bought will feed me for a week.
#eatingclean #paleo
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Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world...today I am wise so I'm changing myself. ~ Rumi
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I have a hard enough time dealing with my emotions on a day to day basis.
Throw in the loss of my grandma, and I just feel sick. I have already been mourning her over the past few years, due to her alzheimers. I haven't seen her since the summer of 2009 - after that, it hurt me too badly when she couldn't remember me. She was 92 and had a good life.
I can't help but cry over my memories though. I miss being a child at her and my grandpa's house. I miss her hugs and sleepovers and eating chocolate cake for breakfast. I don't like being an adult. I want to go back in time and just stay 7 or 8 years old forever.
I am afraid of what happens when we die. I hope she is with my grandpa, wherever she is.
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