slickshoesareyoucrazy

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Besties

#so this made me cry right now 😭

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I’m going to Constantinople, that shit better not be Istanbul

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I must not mock Gen Alpha. Mocking Gen Alpha is the mind killer. Mocking Gen Alpha is the little-death that brings total generational solidarity obliteration. I will engage with Gen Alpha lovingly. I will permit them to be cringe. And when they grow up I will turn my eye to their accomplishments. Where mocking has gone there will be nothing. Only generational solidarity remains

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

THE SOPRANOS Season 1 | Episode 3 - "Denial, Anger, Acceptance"

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#this is one of those things I feel horrible for laughing at but it doesn't stop me from laughing 🤣

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Already

I cried already this morning.

My kid isn't eligible to go to a prom unless he's asked to go by a junior or senior, because he's just a 10th grader still. And he is unlikely to go to prom when he's eligible anyway unless one of his 3 best friends or someone he is actually dating in the next 2 years (also unlikely) almost (or actually) begs him to go. He doesn't like manufactured socializing or loudness or dressing up (Shit I wonder where this kid comes from? 😂 It's not like J and I both also hate all that shit...🙄😂). But my friend D's kids and my friend B's son are all eligible to go to their school prom and they are all kids like their dads. Social butterflies. Class clowns even, at least in D's son's case. Popular, socially in demand kids. And because of you, A, I'm half-ass back on Facebook, so I saw the prom pictures hit this morning. And it was supremely bittersweet. Because I LOVE looking at D and B and their families being happy, whether I'm blessed to do that in person like I did this winter into early spring, or in photographs. But because it's prom, it made me think about you.

You and me, man, we did not have good luck with proms. (There's a colossal understatement). Both of them kinda sucked, and even the Senior Dinner Dance wasn't great, but wow junior prom was *particularly* shitty. I should have just not gone to any of that shit, because I didn't like anything about them anyway, and it cost a lot of money I didn't have. I wore that junior prom dress twice, remember? I re-wore it to Senior Dinner Dance, and CB was like...judging me. She was so mean. How the fuck was she our homecoming queen? A mean kid would never ever win something like that at a local school now. Seriously. Now kids like D's and B's kids win that stuff. But anyway, I did go because T begged me to go. She got me to go with that guy from the private school her date went to (same private school D's and B's sons' team ceremoniously beat in basketball this spring in the regional tournament...the whole school is entitled, privileged assholes it seems, and always has been). And you went with that girl from the other snooty area school (the only high school guy I dated that I actually liked and felt safe with went there too, but in our defense, they were a brand new school and had yet to turn snooty back then), but you wanted to date T. And all of that shit blew up at prom. And then shit blew up with you and T later anyway, and it was barely even later. Before senior year started, it was over. (It was over with the guy I was seeing between prom and school starting too; we all went out together to play mini golf and he saw me talk to you after being separated most of the summer because you were doing band and Smarty Pants programs and shit and he accused me of cheating on him with you...so dumb). I always thought T was your best girlfriend. I thought that for DECADES, man. I wished you married her. I did. Years I thought this, wondered what went wrong there, because she was the only one who wouldn't cheat on you. You never told me how quietly mean she was though, and I guess I overlooked it in high school, and since I only got the Facebook edits of her life and values and personality, which everyone knows is heavily curated and usually skewed positive to project the right stuff in the right light. I bet she was mean to you, and you didn't tell me then or ever because you didn't want to wreck another friendship for me. Dude, I wish you told me. I don't like how few friendships I seem to have and how tenuous they are to keep, but I'd have burned that bridge to the ground for you. You know that. I've burned it now anyway.

When you died, T reached out to me. One of the first people. She knew we were close, mostly because of that prom. And I guess she knew we were still close even though we were never Bestie Bestie Bestie lets get matching tshirts and bracelets and shit and take lots of pictures of it and tag each other all the time so everyone knows we're besties on social media like she does and several other people from high school do with their best friends. I thought she was genuinely sad herself about you, and genuinely cared about me. But I think she just wanted an excuse to gossip about you and insult you to me in her passive aggressive way, and somehow thought you dying gave her permission to do that (finally...I almost think she was waiting for us to have a fight and not be friends anymore or even this, to give her an opening to trash you to me). First, she asked if you'd committed suicide. (I'll never know for sure sure, because I'll never look up your autopsy results, but I have to believe NO, based on all of our 30+ year friendship and everything you ever said to me and how much you loved your kid and your dogs. Like no way you'd do that to them.) T almost seemed like she wanted that answer to be yes. Like she wanted to know you were that miserable and in pain in your life. Like that would make her feel smugly good. And then when I told her I was not doing well when she asked how I was holding up, her choice of comforting thoughts was not comforting. 'We can just look back and remember the good times we had with him *and laugh about his idiotic choices.*'

That phrasing didn't land hard in the moment. I was too devastatingly sad to be angry with her or defensive about you then. But I'm mad about it now. I can't believe she'd take that opportunity to focus on what she perceived as your mistakes. I used to think when she asked me how you were doing over the years that she really cared, maybe was even still carrying a flickering torch for you, but now I think she was just jonesing to hear some bad news. She wanted schadenfreude...to take pleasure in your unhappiness. I hope I never gave her the satisfaction, because when you did share that you were unhappy with me, I never shared that with other people, particularly not her. It's not my place to do that. I hope I was always a loyal, trustworthy person in your life. I hope you always thought I was safe. I hope you always knew without a doubt you were loved and valued with me. That I didn't care about your 'mistakes.'

Anyway, I said up there ^ in this ramble that I wish I hadn't gone to any proms or whatever. Which is mostly true. But I know you'd have gone to all of that stuff anyway. And then it would have been bad for you without a buffer. So what I really wish is that we went together. You wouldn't have ever tried to be all over me like Private School Boy or judged that I wore the same dress to 2 different events. Or maybe I wish that I could have talked you somehow into not going and walking around the park or an all night grocery store or something with me instead. I think it would have saved us both a lot of grief. There's no going back though. No Monday morning quarterbacking. Hindsight and all that shit. That's why this morning I've cried already.

Still miss you every day. Wish you could see D's kid in his Prom Prince sash mugging at cameras fucking EXACTLY like D. 😂 Wish you could see B's son with his high school sweetheart in the couples shots, and he's probably going to marry her in a couple years, just like his parents. Just wish you were here. 💔😢❤️

#grief #when your best friend since middle school dies and your kid and all your friends' kids are in high school there's a lot of memory triggers #I miss you so much it still hurts all the time #not just sad but pain

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

(via)

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by june bates

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Full moons of 2023

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

As someone who grew up with "I'm not going to praise you for doing what's expected of you; that's not being good, that's doing the bare minimum" I want to encourage you to celebrate every little thing you can. Everything that takes energy and effort should be appreciated and you're allowed to be happy about trying.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

these are the best cards on the planet and no one can tell me otherwise

(etsy)

#want

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hola