smolnoodles

[smolnoodles]

i want a cute boyfriend and $500,000

[smolnoodles]

“I know someday I’ll feel better but it will never change the fact that I’ll always miss you.”

— 3 am thoughts (via suspend)

[smolnoodles]

[smolnoodles]

So my boss once robbed a museum to prove a point and honestly, I think she is my new role model. 

[smolnoodles]

SIGN ME TF UP

[smolnoodles]

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

[smolnoodles]

[smolnoodles]

[smolnoodles]

I had to read this three times to realize it didn’t say “the power of YEET”

[smolnoodles]

What’s your fantasy?

[smolnoodles]

[smolnoodles]

*15 years old boy voice* alcohol

[smolnoodles]

[smolnoodles]

You can lead a horse to water

But you can’t drink a horse

[smolnoodles]

i could be an animal crossing villager! i’m round. i wear the same shirt every day. and i am easily befriended when the other party does anything nice for me

[smolnoodles]

honestly i hate when people try to sugar coat shit like if you don’t like me or don’t wanna hang or don’t wanna talk to me just fucking tell me don’t keep ignoring me and expect me to figure out the hint like that’s such a bitch ass move i’d rather hear it from you than be ignored 99% of the fucking time.

[smolnoodles]

Walter is my cousin’s dog. He really has a thing for swimming.