@behindaccentsβ wants an audience with the queen of hell (for QUEEN B, Blair Waldorf)
ππ·π΄ ππΏπΏπ΄π π΄π°ππ ππΈπ³π΄ was not a place April had ever intended on visiting. The smell of GUCCI and PRADA was enough to make her nauseous, and the residents had their noses so high in the air, April could see every lastΒ BAT in their caves. Any time she mentioned being from Pawnee, Indiana, their looks of disgust rivaled her own...but π»π΄ππ»πΈπ΄ πΊπ½πΎπΏπ΄ needed them. April wanted to mess with the harpies of the UES more than almost anything, but wanting Leslie becoming Indianaβs governor outweighed pretty much everything else. She would make time for fun later.Β
πππ πππ πππππ πππππππ π πππ ππππ π π³ππ°πΆ. April would have thought, with all that money and power, that theyβd at least have been able to throw a decent party. What a YAWN. At least there were cocktails. If she had to listen to one more middle-aged white dude drone on and on about mutual funds and the stock market, she was going to do something drastic.Β
When her fake laugh had worn out, April approached a couture-clad brunette who looked closer to her in age than anyone else in the room. For all April knew, she was probably just as stuck-up as the rest, but at least PRE-HISTORIC BEASTSΒ hadnβt roamed the earth when she was born.Β "πΈπ πππππππππ ππππππππππππ πππππ'π ππππππ π
π΄ππ ππΎπΎπ½, πΈ'π πππππ ππ ππ ππππππ ππ ππππππ π πππππ ππ πππππ ππππππ ππ." These trust fund babies probably had ZERO sense of humor, but either way, it would be entertaining.Β
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γο»ΏοΌ£οΌ―οΌοΌ₯γοΌγοΌ§οΌ₯οΌ΄γοΌ©οΌ΄γ
& ππ’ ππππ πΈ ππππ ( π° πππ°πππ΄π )
ππΌπ°ππ· ππππ πππππ, ππππππ ππππππ πππ
( ππ π’ππ ππππ )
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Give April an arch-nemesis sort of dynamic where our characters scream at each other and prank each other and constantly profess their undying HATRED for each other but deep down they enjoy it and WILL NEVER ADMIT IT but they kind of like each other on a weird level PLEASE I BEG YOU
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badassbctchβ:
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β SOME Β CALLS Β WERE Β MADE Β Β β¦ Β Β and Β someone Β wanted Β to Β intern Β with Β someone Β at Β the Β fbi. Β of Β course, Β most Β the Β people Β she Β was Β working Β had Β said Β that Β they Β were Β to Β busy Β or Β didnβt Β want Β to Β take Β someone Β else Β on Β or Β have Β a Β shadow. ( Β other Β then Β jerry, Β but Β he Β only Β did Β office Β work Β and Β willa Β knew Β that Β would Β bore Β the Β girl Β to Β death. Β ) Β willa Β had Β offered Β they Β shadow Β her, Β and Β at Β first Β they Β werenβt Β so Β sure Β about Β that. Β after Β all, Β willa Β could Β get Β a Β little Β wild. Β amazing Β at Β her Β job, Β all Β around Β kick Β ass, Β but Β sometimes Β risked Β herself Β a Β bit Β more Β that Β people Β liked.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β but, Β friendly Β wise, Β she Β was Β the Β best Β of Β the Β bunch.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β β Β you Β must Β be Β april. Β β Β she Β said Β with Β a Β bit Β of Β a Β laugh. Β β Β some Β days Β are Β more Β dull Β then Β others, Β i Β will Β say Β that Β the Β fbi Β isnβt Β like Β the Β movies. Β not Β non Β stop Β action. Β β Β the Β tall Β woman Β gave Β her Β a Β bit Β of Β a Β smile, Β β Β but Β sometimes Β it Β feels Β like Β it Β is, Β and Β we Β often Β crave Β the Β boring Β times. Β β Β it Β was Β a Β dangerous Β job Β after Β all, Β people Β got Β hurt Β and Β died. Β β Β lucky Β for Β you Β though, Β you Β wonβt Β be Β working Β in Β this Β part Β of Β the Β fbi Β if Β you Β are Β shadowing Β me. Β this Β is Β more Β coms. Β paperwork, Β phone Β calls. Β this Β is Β who Β the Β agents Β call Β to Β look Β people Β up. Β youβll Β be Β coming Β with Β me. Β β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β β Β unless Β of Β course, Β you Β prefer Β this Β floor? Β β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β A Β BROW Β QUIRKS Β Β β¦ Β Β obviously Β teasing Β the Β girl Β a Β bit. Β if Β she Β wanted Β more Β action, Β following Β her Β was Β the Β best Β bet. Β β Β here Β if Β your Β ID, Β so Β you Β can Β walk Β the Β building Β without Β being Β bothered. Β wear Β that Β on Β your Β shirt. Β β Β she Β handed Β the Β badge Β over. Β β Β iβm Β agent Β ali, Β you Β can Β call Β me Β willa. Β follow Β me. Β β Β she Β mentioned Β to Β her, Β walking Β out Β of Β the Β coms Β center Β and Β down Β the Β hall. Β β Β i Β work Β as Β an Β agent Β for Β the Β fbi, Β traveling Β around Β the Β u.s. Β searching Β and Β bring Β down Β serial Β killers. Β you Β can Β at Β a Β very Β exciting Β time, Β we Β are Β very Β close Β to Β catching Β a Β active Β serial Β killer Β in Β the Β area. Β β
βπ½π π ππ’, πππ ππ πππ ππ ππππ.βΒ Paperwork was definitely NOT Aprilβs jam. Usually, when she got paperwork in Pawnee, she scrapped most of it and pretended it had never gotten to her desk. Blaming the PLEBEIANS was so much more fun than doing boring paperwork & taking responsibility for her (lack of) actions.Β
April had to suppress a grin when Willa told her what she did and where theyβd be working.Β π°π½ π°π²πππ°π» ππ΄ππΈπ°π» πΊπΈπ»π»π΄π π²π°ππ΄. Andy was going to be SO jealous! She knew sheβd probably need to fib a bit at first, or heβd hop on the next plane out there and INSIST on working with her.Β "ππππ'π πππ πππππ ππππππππ? πΏπππππ? ππππππππππ? πΌπππππππππ?" April loved that she was now in a place where her line of questioning was actually RELEVANT instead of just morbid andΒ creepy.Β
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mercyburnedβ:
Β Β Β delivering anywhere was always a hit or miss about what sort of ridiculous situation heβd run into.Β there were the okay ones,Β like the nice older couple who tipped him with a massive jar of pistachiosΒ ( coincidentally,Β his favorite )Β when they realized they didnβt have cash,Β or the college kids,Β barely older than himself,Β who gave him a couple beers.Β then there were jackasses who couldnβt be bothered to say thank-you,Β or who told him to get a real job.Β offices were usually fine,Β but you could never know until you got there.Β
kyle held back a sigh.Β he hadnβt even gotten stuck behind a geriatric in a corolla this time.Β but then one of the men in the office was handing him a recorderΒ -Β which he hadnβt even picked one up since sophomore year of high school.Β he looked back at the woman.Β β what,Β like a snake in a cartoon?Β βΒ Β all he wanted was to get his tip and her signature and leave,Β but apparently,Β that wasnβt going to happen.Β
"π½π, ππππ π ππΎππΌ ππ π π³π΄ππΊ." Honestly. There was no time for such ignorance! The worms were starting to get impatient, and some had managed to wriggle their way onto the floor and escape. It was fine, Leslie would have a nice surprise later.Β πππππ, ππππππ ππππππ, π πππ ππππππππ πππ ππππππ πππππππππ. Even April herself could admit that sheβd be so much BETTER if she were a dog - a black Siberian husky, to be precise.Β
"ππππ πππ π’ππ π ππππππ πππ? π°ππ πππ'π ππππ ππ·πΈπ½πΊ πππππ ππππ’πππ π·ππ π²ππππ π±πππ ππ π π'ππ ππππ π’ππ π΄π°π π’πππ π πππ." (No they wouldnβt. Probably.)Β
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πΆπ
ππΎπ πππ·ππππΆ πππΉππΆππ ; Β πΆπ πΆππππ½πππΎπΈ
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@mercyburned wants some shenanigans (for Kyle)Β
"π»πΎππ΄π π·π°π ππΎ π±ππ ππ π°π»π» πΏπΈπππ°!" April decreed. This was her favorite kind of contest - the kind in which she was not participating. No matter the outcome, she won. Andy had gotten the idea (of course) for all the guys to participate in a π πππ ππππππππ πππππππππππ when he saw all the worms in the courtyard during lunch. It had been raining, but also Chrisβs compost pile was really starting to decay and the worms LOVED it. April had no idea what heβd put in there and she would never ask, lest she risk a 20 minute lecture about the ππππππππππ ππ πππππππ’ ππππππ. Sheβd already sat through about FIVE too many of those. She couldnβt survive another.Β
Unsurprisingly, Jerry had no luck with his worm. Tom was WEIRDLY good at it, for which sheβd make fun of him later, and Andy had kind of given up and was now just playing with a bunch of worms at once.Β "πΈ πππππ π π πππ πππ πππππ ππππ πππ ππ»ππΈπΌπ°ππ΄ π»πΎππ΄π ππππ ππ πΉπ΄πππ," April decided. Donna nodded in agreement.Β "πΈ'ππ πππππ πππ πππ£π£π! π³ππ'π π ππππ’ πΉππππ’, πΈ πππππππ’ ππππ π’πππ ππππππ ππππ ππππππ πππππππ£ππ." Jerry stopped looking for his wallet and looked at her.Β βWhat?β April paid him no mind and grabbed the phone to place the order. FIVE LARGE PIZZAS, plus garlic knots, cinnamon breadsticks, and three 2-liter sodas. April and Andy needed lunch for the week, and since Jerry had bombed SO HARD with his worm charming, he owed it to them. (Sheβd do something nice for him later and not tell anyone it was her.)
"πΎπ· πΌπ πΆπΎπ³, π πππ ππππ π’ππ ππ ππππ?" It had only been about 25 minutes, which was actually faster than usual for that pizza place, but still. No sense NOT messing with the guy.Β "πΈπ π’ππ π πππ π πππ, π’ππ ππππ ππ πππππ π’ππππποΏ½οΏ½οΏ½π. πΉπ΄πππ! πΆπππ πππ π’πππ π πππ πππ ππππππππ, π’ππ πππππππ’ ππππ ππ ππππππ ππ ππππ ππππππππ." There was no business, to speak of (except MONKEY business, of course). April just really wanted to see if she could get this pizza guy to do her bidding.Β "π·πππ, ππππππππ’ πππ’, πππππ ππππ π πππ!"
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@firstcfhernameβ wants to regret agreeing to write with me here
π°πΏππΈπ» π³πΈπ³π½'π π²π°ππ΄ π°π±πΎππ πΌπ°π½π ππ·πΈπ½πΆπ. Or people. Or most people, in fact. To her, most people were selfish, stupid, annoying, or some combination of ALL those things. Leslie Knope, however, was the exact opposite of everything April detested about the human race. Leslie was π°ππ΄ππΎπΌπ΄ (to dumb it down, for the dummies who didnβt understand words like STELLAR, FORMIDABLE, PROFOUND, SELFLESS, BRILLIANT, or EXTRAORDINARY). That was why, even though April HATED talking to people about things, when Leslie asked April to help with her campaign for governor, April had agreed.Β π°ππππ ππππ'π ππππ πππππ ππ πππππππ ππ ππππ ππππππ (ππ ππππππ), π±ππ ππ·π΄ π³πΈπ³ π±π΄π»πΈπ΄π
π΄ πΈπ½ π»π΄ππ»πΈπ΄ π±π°ππ±π°ππ° πΊπ½πΎπΏπ΄.
The trouble with the whole thing was that now April was obligated to put on a smile and meet a lot of people she didnβt want to talk to. It wouldnβt have been worth it if it was for anyone but Leslie. During Leslieβs campaign for City Council, April had picked up a lot of her responsibilities, and sheβd learned to harnessΒ ππ·π΄ πΏπΎππ΄π πΎπ΅ πΊπ½πΎπΏπ΄ (or so Andy called it). At first, sheβd tried to BE Leslie, which was IMPOSSIBLE. Leslie was CRAZY (crazy talented and hardworking, that is), no one could be her, and April could NOT handle smiling that much without taking a 3-hour nap afterward.Β ππΌπΈπ»πΈπ½πΆ πΈπ π΄ππ·π°ππππΈπ½πΆ π±πππΈπ½π΄ππ. Instead, sheβd learned to channel the type of energy Leslie had but put her OWN spin on it. Leslie didnβt want an exact copy of herself, after all, she wanted APRIL ROBERTA LUDGATE-DWYER, and that was exactly who she would get.Β
"ππππ ππ π’ππ πππππ π’ππ'ππ πππππ ππππ ππππππππ πππππ?" she demanded of Brock (an intern). Having interns to torment was one of her FAVORITE parts of this job. They spooked so easily.Β βIβm--working on the--β he sputtered, all too slowly.Β "πππππ'π ππ ππΈπΌπ΄ πππ π πππ πππππ πππ , πππ ππππππππ ππ ππππππππ π πππ πππππ!" (It wasnβt, obviously, but no one ever knew when to take her seriously so it was surprising how many wild lies she got away with.)Β "πΆπ, πππ πππ ππ ππππ, ππππ π’πππππππ!" She shooed him away, reveling in his confused expression. Heβd be back, and when he returned, heβd find his work station overrun with toy frogs (the sticky kind that clung to walls when you threw them). Andy had seen them on the internet, so naturally theyβd ordered 5,000 of them.Β
When April finished stuffing frogs in all the drawers and scattering them across the desk, she turned around to see she was no longer alone.Β "πππ πππ πππππππ. πΈ π ππ πππππ ππππ!" If this lady ruined her prank, there would be HELL to pay!
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γο»Ώο½ο½ο½ο½ο½ο½
ο½γο½ο½ο½ο½γοΌγ
ππππππ ππππππ πππ - πππππ ππππ πππππ & π'ππ π ππππ πππππππππ πππ π’ππ. ππ π’ππ ππππππ ππ ππππ, π π πππ ππππ πππ ππππππ πΈπΌ
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πΏπ»πΎπ ππΈππ· πΌπ΄, ππΎπ π²πΎππ°ππ³π
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halloween sentence starters
Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !
at a party
βI love the decorations.β
βThere are so many sexy kitties in here.β
βAm I the only one in costume?β
βIβm not sure if this room is full of strangers or if I just canβt recognize anyone because of the costumes.β
βDo I hear βMonster Mashβ playing?β
βCome on, letβs dance. Even the skeletons are doing it.β
βDid someone spike the punch?β
βI hate costume partiesβ¦β
at a haunted house
βThis stuffβs for babies.β
βAAAAAHHHHH!β
βHey, can weβ¦go home? Not that Iβm scared.β
βBOO!β
βWait, are you actually scared?β
βFuCK NOββ
βThat makeup is so realistic.β
βI paid $40 so I better die.β
alone
βYou should hang out with me later. Iβm gonna marathon a bunch of movies.β
β[text] Hey, itβs me. I heard banging noises and Iβm terrified. Please save me.β
βHalloween?? With friends?? What friends?β
β[text] I just heard some weird noises. [text] No Iβm being serious. [text] I need you riβ
βIβm probably just going to stay up all night so the ghosts donβt kill me.β
βIβll just be chilling with the monsters under my bed.β
βMaybe Iβll summon a demon so I have someone to hang out with.β
βDo ghosts like Netflix?β
with kids
βDonβt eat all your candy at once!β
βAw~ I love your costume.β
βAnd who are you?β
βLook, man. You canβt give toothbrushes to kids on Halloween.β
βTrick or treat!β
βLet me check those before you eat them.β
βUGH, why am I stuck with a bunch of babies?β
βI wish it was socially acceptable for me to trick or treat on my own, but itβs not, so.β
with friends
βWe should egg his/her/their house.β
βHelp me with my costume!β
βTIME TO GET SPOOKY.β
βAre you just going to wear a T-shirt that saysΒ βcostumeβ on it?β
βShould we be drinking this much?β
βThe ouija board says youβre a little shit.β
βLetβs tell ghost stories.β
βTime to join the skeleton war, bitches.β
as a flirt
βYou look so hot in that.β
βAfter being freaks, are we gonna get freaky?β
β[jumps into __βs arms out of fear]β
βYour outfit is scaryβ¦take it off.β
βI came in here expecting a trick, but youβre a real treat.β
βIf I was in a scary movie, Iβd want to be trapped with you.β
βYouβuhβspookedβ¦my heart.β
βIβd let you haunt me all night long.β
misc.
βLetβs carve a pumpkin!β
βIβd be a witch in another life.β
βI wonder if I still have that ouija boardβ¦β
βDo you believe in ghosts?β
βWhat costume are you wearing?β
βLetβs pull a prank.β
βI hate Halloween.β
βCan you tell me why you have an actual skeleton in your closet?β
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Most humans: omg that clown from IT was so freaky!
April: yo pennywise, you wanna hang or what?
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starter for @badassbctchβΒ
' π΅πΈπ½π³πΈπ½πΆ ππΎππ π²π°π»π»πΈπ½πΆ ' πππππππ ππ ππππππ. Unfortunately for April, it was also necessary. She didnβt want to be an assistant in the Pawnee Parks Department her whole life, even though she was OBVIOUSLY the worst/best at it and no one would ever be worse/better than her. It was great to be able to earn a paycheck by ππ»π°π²πΊπΈπ½πΆ πΎπ΅π΅...but her apathy had its limits, too. Sometimes she thought she wanted more, or at least to TRY doing more. She knew she was more thanΒ capable, but she would have to find something that made her care. It would not be an easy feat -Β πππ ππππππ’ πππ’ ππππ πππ ππππππ, πππ πππππ ππππππ πππππππππ ππππ πππ ππ πππ.Β
In the spirit ofΒ π΅πΈπ½π³πΈπ½πΆ π·π΄π π²π°π»π»πΈπ½πΆ and temporarily morphing into a totally lame and cliche adult human being, April used her cunning and resourcefulness for good (this time). Through her contacts in Washington DC (and a little help from Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt), she was accepted for an internship with the FBI. Andy was πππΏπ΄π πΉπ΄π°π»πΎππ, but also the most amazing and supportive husband ever. She promised him sheβd honor Burt Macklin - and, if she ever got the opportunity, have a badge made for him with Macklinβs name on it.Β
Her first day began in a far moreΒ π±πΎππΈπ½πΆ manner than sheβd anticipated. This was the FBI, but so far it felt eerily similar to Pawnee City Hall. There was even a man with peppermint latte who looked like he could have been a distant cousin of Jerry. Maybe Ron was right,Β πππ’ππ ππππππππππ π ππ ππππππ πππ πππππππππππ’, πππππ πππ. Maybe sheβd made a mistake thinking this had anything to do with herΒ βdestiny,β or whatever.Β
πΎπΊπ°π π°πΏππΈπ», πΆπΈπ
π΄ πΈπ πΌπΎππ΄ ππ·π°π½ π΅πΈπ΅ππ΄π΄π½ πΌπΈπ½πππ΄π. Pesky conscience. Always butting in where it wasnβt wanted. She supposed she could give it an actual chance...maybe it was just a slow day. Just when she was about to call it a wash and book a flight home (she found out the peppermint latte guyβs name was ACTUALLY Jerry, talk about aΒ πππππ πππ ππππΒ ), her new supervisor finally tracked her down.Β βIs it always this DULL around here? Because if so, I have a plane to catch.βΒ
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π°ππππ πππππππππ’ ππππππππ ππππ πππ πππππππ ππππππππππ ππ πππππππππ ππ πΈπ³πΈπΎππ. Pawnee, at least, seems to be full of them, and thus she vastly prefers the company of animals to that of (most) humans. She has also often wondered how she could possibly belong to her πππ½ππ·πΈπ½π΄-π°π½π³-ππ°πΈπ½π±πΎππ parents. The only thing she can conclusively state is that they somehow actually ARE her biological parents (she had a secret DNA test done). As for how they managed to create April and her sister Heather, who are more ππ°πΈπ½πππΎππΌπ-π°π½π³-π½πΈπΆπ·ππΌπ°ππ΄π...she still has no clue. She loves them, of course, but also refuses to publicly acknowledge that theyβre her parents. Or that she even has parents. She tells people she was hatched, or created from the rib of π»ππ£π£ππ π±πππππ, or born in the 1800β²s and stayed alive by eating the flesh of innocents. π±πππππ ππππππ ππππππ ππππππππ’ ππππ ππππππ π πππ ππππ’βππ πππππππ πππ.
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So which of you are going to plot with me & which of you am I sacrificing to the underworld? In other words, PLOTTING CALL!
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No one:
No one at all:
Not a single soul:
April: *covers herself in fake blood and zombie makeup and wanders around creepily warning people about the dangers of drinking pumpkin spice lattes*
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π°πΏππΈπ» π»ππ³πΆπ°ππ΄:
πππ π ππππ, ππππ’ πππππ.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β " πΈπ π’ππ ππππ πππππ ππ ππ ππ πππππππ,
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β ππππππ πππ πππ ππππππ ππππ΄π³. "
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