sodetectivefestival

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Letter to my niece

I hope you never fight with your parents,

I hope you never worry that they hate you,

I hope you never stop being excited whenever your dad comes home from trips,

I hope you never have a hard time showing people that you care for them,

I hope you never hate yourself for the way you look,

I hope you never feel the need to run off and hide in your room to cry,

I hope you're constantly aware of how many people adore you,

I hope you never dread things that should be good for you,

I hope you're nothing like me

Songs and instrumentals by Adrianne Lenker*

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Everyone in this world deserves good things. They don’t have to earn it. And most of us would agree with that but maybe some of us wouldn’t include ourselves, as if we were so awful that we become an exception to the rule. But you do deserve it. There will always be people who find you lovely, who will wish for you to be happy. And they’re not wrong. But your self-worth is suffering because of your anxiety, because of your desire to be perfect.

Don’t set yourself up for failure with your perfectionism. I’m sorry someone made you feel like you needed to earn love, comfort, contentment. Most people are not like that and they do not wish to watch as you self-sabotage, they will not judge you so harshly. I hope you can stay away from those who feel like things must always be earned and that if you make a mistake, you’ll be a complete failure. You’re just a person. Making mistakes is a part of life.You don’t have to perfect.

You won’t become prettier after you lose weight because you always were. You won’t be greater when you write the perfect thesis and graduate. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you deserve space in this world. You were born in this place so now all you have to do is live. You don’t need to achieve a certain goal that makes you sabotage your social or professional life in order to get where you want to be. Life itself is imperfect, chaotic, unpredictable. Do what needs to be done in ways that allow time for yourself, for resting, for hobbies, because those good things are rightfully yours.

And maybe if you’re thinking “others deserve it more” or that “good things don’t last in my life”, then please don’t compare yourself to others, it isn’t fair. And what if those things stick with you and they make you happy? What if they don’t go anywhere? Then you will need to admit that change is a scary thing (even when it’s a change for the best) and that you’re not a terrible person who doesn’t deserve anything. You deserve happiness. You deserve a life of your own, not when you finally become perfect, but because despite your shortcomings, you’ll always be worthy of happiness. It’s time to stop punishing yourself and to start believing you’re enough as you are right at this moment.

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They say you die three times, first when the body dies, second, when your body enters the grave, and third, when your name is spoken for the last time. You were a normal person in life, but hundreds of years later, you still haven’t had your “third” death. You decide to find out why.

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XIII (dedications) by Adrienne Rich

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The Silver Lily by Louise Glück

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tim the neighbour

I had this neighbour a while back called Tim. He moved into the house at the end of the street. First time I ever saw him he was wearing these bright shorts and a T shirt, with a pack of tennis rackets strung around his shoulder.

He gave me a huge handshake and his smile was enormous. I couldn’t locate his accent. He asked me my name and if I liked tennis and how long I’d been living here and whether I had any kids? He seemed jolly. Though he didn’t say anything about himself. And when I responded that I didn’t really know tennis he seemed disappointed.

Next time I saw Tim was in the woods – at the back of the park where I walked my dog and played with my son. Tom was down by the river with a big rucksack on. I called his name but he didn’t hear me. He stepped into the water with his boots on and began to cross the river. This was a bit odd because it was in February, and there had been stormy weather recently, and the river was rushing, mad and brown. And it took him some while to get to the other side, from which he climbed up the far bank and went up into the farther trees.

Tim owned an SUV. And he had a security gate for it. The gate made this loud bleeping noise that I could hear from my bedroom window, even though his house was three doors down from mine.

And he would go out at weird hours. As in, I would hear the gate bleep at three in the morning and then see his big SUV roll down the road.

I never saw him with any other person; he was always on his own.

Then there was this one time in the summer when he came to my door. I heard the doorbell ring and Tim was standing right there – not smiling this time – and he had a huge black eye.

“Hi there, buddy,” he said, “I need to ask a favour of you.”

He explained that he was heading away for a month. And that, since nobody would be in his house, if I could keep a look out for his home whilst he was away? In this suburb sometimes we got kids coming down the lane, drunk, and they would throw bottles at the houses, or brick the windows in. So, if anything happened to his house, could I please send him a message? And he gave me his phone number and email.

I said yes sure. “But, what happened to your eye, Tim?” I said, “Are you all right?” He said it was nothing, nothing, just an accident … and then he was leaving the driveway, waving to me. … And he didn’t return for a month. I thought he would be back after four weeks. But his house remained derelict. And when he still hadn’t come home eleven months later, I emailed him to ask whether he was okay? And ensured him that there was nothing wrong with his house. There was no response to the email. … Three months later, I was walking by Tim’s house, and I saw his SUV in the driveway. So I figured that I would see him around, by the by.

But, do you know – I never did. He just seemed to vanish. The autumn came and there appeared a FOR SALE sign outside of the house. And there was no SUV. And then in the following spring, a new family was suddenly moving in to the place.

That time when he appeared at the door with the black eye was the last time I ever saw him.

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- Hieu Minh Nguyen, The Story.

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Sub Slut Training Journal: Cum & Edge

She only humps inanimate objects, why?

Because it helps her to understand that one of her greatest weaknesses is to NOT BE ABLE TO EDGE. That she desires to edge, always needs to edge.

That without edging she would just be some basic, plain whore with no direction.

But this whore has direction, given by her ruler,her Daddy, her owner, her everything.

He makes sure that the daily temptations she sees on her phone, the urges to feel her cunts wetness on her lonely finger tips, is fulfilled by one single command of her owner.

Then and only then, she may hump,rub,fuck her pretty little minx pink pussy into trivial amounts of close calls that make her sweat and beg to cum.

But don’t allow the dumb, pathetic, crude thing.

Let it endure and enjoy the suffering you have bestowed upon its body and mind..

Let it enjoy the parched feeling of needing to cum.

Where the word itself makes her clench her legs closed,her ovaries moan,her uterus ache and her cervix whimper.

Let her ponder on the word CUM.

Let it mean more to her than just release.

Let her revel in the way that edging makes her feel, so desperate and needy she can barely hold on.

That’s what you want in a little sub slut whore cunt.

That’s what we all need.

That’s where you belong little cum slaved whores.

You don’t know the power you are playing with once you are deprived of cumming.

Only then will you fully understand what it feels like to be completely broken and helpless, tortured and owned.

Yes cumming is amazing but it takes an even greater person to get you to a point where they deny you it, as you wail and beg and kick and scream and cry to cum.

And in all that holds the key, the key which holds the power that be.

Which is in EDGING..

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Happiness by Noelle Kocot

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love language by Rhiannon McGavin

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Published?

So, my AO3 is open now. i'm still only like 13,000 words into my book. but it's up. and seeing the word Published on there was a trip.. i'm still struggling with that.

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Finally im seeing questions with the exact amount of niche absurdity that i want

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Wordy by aavfvl

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no connection

i am not your Black stereotype yes, i am loud and yes, i take up space i am pissed at the world and i’ll scream it in your face

i read books for leisure i listen to music just like your white neighbor just like your white teacher

don’t put me in a box don’t confine me to your rules i am no longer your slave no longer your tool

i will blossom and grow and let everyone know i will emerge from the shadows and strike a deafening blow

i am not your Black stereotype i need no correction don’t call this line again there is no connection

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no connection

i am not your Black stereotype yes, i am loud and yes, i take up space i am pissed at the world and i’ll scream it in your face

i read books for leisure i listen to music just like your white neighbor just like your white teacher

don’t put me in a box don’t confine me to your rules i am no longer your slave no longer your tool

i will blossom and grow and let everyone know i will emerge from the shadows and strike a deafening blow

i am not your Black stereotype i need no correction don’t call this line again there is no connection