sorryicantspell

[sorryicantspell]

16th August 2023

hi pooopies!!! just wanted to write something . so drastic changes have come into my life, like boards finished, results out{ps. scored 77%}, hunting for a desert collage near my house I don't know why but yeah. so 3rd round registration starting from tomorrow 4pm. lets hope for the best. idk started learning French, Python[normal]. Mybe start doing machine learning , been interested in AI. idk maybe ill just work for a few years and marry, but i really don't want to, like who wants to. really close to finish ramchandra series[book] only final book left but i don't have it right now. now starting how to kill a mockingbird[ cuz its not mine]. felt mixed emotions today cuz everybody went to collage except me. as usual fought with [drumroll] papa and mummy. no worrys idc anymore and regarding collage, it will get fixed. CUZ I WILL DO IT !! ok its 7am , no i have not waken up this early . ok bye I'm going to sleep now

[sorryicantspell]

I want a cat!!!!!!!

[sorryicantspell]

1st September 2022 12:30

hiiii! so it's been a couple months since I have written I just didn't felt the motivation to write. since I'm writing now I'll brief you about everything. The first exams finished a long time ago and were all fucked up. I started studying. now it's exactly 1 month to the mid-term exams, like the real ones. I finished a great novel 'the love hypothesis' it was lovely. I want to read a romance novel now it was so good that I still get butterflies. I found Aditi's true face I guess like she was bitching over me from Bhoomi like she was saying I am dumb that I do not talk to her but she doesn't know that I am barely holding myself from killing her. simply she is a bitch. also, Bhoomi started talking nicely to me I am surprised but this time I won't believe anything . I finished the movie 'goliyon ki rasleela ramleela' and It was sooo good, and soooo saaad at the same time. I fucking cried. dammmmmn. I again developed a fucking one-day crush on Tanu like she was looking sooooo damn hot that day, I fell for her look that I just couldn't say no to her to do her work. also, I was scrolling through Pinterest today after a long time. I should sleep byeeeee. good night. sleep tight. sweet dreams.....

[sorryicantspell]

8th July 2022 Friday

omg! I literally forgot to write past days. but it's ok since I'm here to write now. I've been doing too much work these days so I forgot. also right now my eyes are so wiigely like I have been in front of the laptop for about 12 or 13 hours. ok so basically I've done all of my homework except accounts and I know she is going to kill me but it's just that I don't want to do that. also, exams are coming in 4 days. tomorrow I'm taking a day off to sleep and study. also, mummy's phone is ruined. and I don't know how I'm gonna study in it. that's it for today I'm going to sleep now.

[sorryicantspell]

5thJuly,2022 Monday, 1:15am

yoooo!! today was the first day of my school after the holidays. it was better than expected. a teacher asked me to bring her a novel. it was overwhelming but now I kinda feel insecure. I feel like um gonna give my baby to her and now it's making me sad. what if she didn't return it, what if it is returned in bad condition. I really don't like my books being ruined. and also garv has asked me to do the same project as me and I am freaking over how to say no to him. it's just so annoying.. wtf! why am I so dumb. also, didi and shrey have gone today. I got my datasheet today. exams are starting from the 12th of July first exam accounts. I bet I'm screwed. I think I should study. ok bye, I'm going to sleep now as I have to wake up early.

[sorryicantspell]

3rd July,2022 Sunday

hi! today was pretty good I went to a south Indian restaurant. ate dosa, uttapam, vada and chowmin. walked about 3 km. worked out. did yoga. ate a mango. and did a little bit of finishing my project. also, tomorrow is my first day of going to school after the holidays so wish me luck. I have been getting anxious all day long about going to school. ok, so that was it. byee

[sorryicantspell]

“and he looked down, as I studied his profile, he asked “How are you real?” I smiled, and my heart panicked. Because I don’t remember the last time a boy has appreciated me, but I do remember the last time a boy used me. I remember how I hurt for months and didn’t know why, and I still longed to make him want me. I remember the last time I was lead on, I remember the last time I questioned my worth, I remember the last time I was vulnerable and I remember how it ended. I remember him driving with another girl in his passenger seat in the day time, while he only spent time with me in his apartment at night time. I remember my heart sinking and how my friends looked at me when I found out. I remember my laugh sounding hallow as I tried to act like it didn’t matter. I remember, and now I am scared. I am scared of being a fool and falling before I look again. I didn’t deserve that, not even at my worst, especially not then. No, I didn’t stick up for myself, I didn’t protect myself and I wish I could change how that hardened me. So this is me, months later, knowing what I didn’t know then - that some people will take advantage of your softness and will make it your weakness. I want to unlearn that, I want to hear him ask if I am real and I want that to make my heart skip a beat in excitement rather than fear.”

-n.c. // i didn’t realize how hurt i was until i was angry

[sorryicantspell]

July, my Lost Lover

"Midsummer", d.x.y// Fourteenth of July Celebration in Paris, Vincent Van Gogh// Holler, Allie Ray// 14 July 1905: Night, Dieppe// Burning in the Water Drowning in the Flame, Charles Bukowski// Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke: 1910-1926, Rainer Maria Rilke// A Day in July, Louis Ritman// NW, Zadie Smith//July Night, Childe Hassam// "(July is Over and There is Very Little Trace)", Frank O'Hara//

[sorryicantspell]

2ndJuly,2022 Saturday

hii! today was okayish. like i went to the mall. ate mocha brownie ice cream, burger, french fries and Pepsi. it was kinda sad as sir announced the test today out of blue but today I understood that I have some cool friends, it's just that I have to solve my problem of obsessiveness as it makes me lose friends and trust and it is fucking annoying. Also, Bhoomi called today for a meet-up with yuvika at her house, I don't know about the date or time but I think I should go. ok so I will be stopping and going to sleep byee.

[sorryicantspell]

1st july2022, Friday

hiiii!! today was a kinda happy day like not productive but happy. guddan didi and shrey came. it was raining. I redid the front page of the eco-project. now 2 projects and 1 assignment to go. all the printing work is left. I will go to the mall tomorrow. ate noodles, Manchurian and honey chilli today. I was soaked in the rain while going to pick them up. very humid day. I accidentally told didi that I was bisexual. it's like I'm not sure about my identity. After so much overthinking I want a person to get me drunk or just hypnotise me to reveal all the secrets. like how can someone's life be this complicated. at last i will shut up and stop writing cuz they are yelling at me. so byyyeee.

[sorryicantspell]

30thjune,2022 Thursday

ok, so guys today's day was normal like any other day it rained almost all day. I really wished that tuition get cancelled and gladly it did , like it converted to online and I didn't understand a word but I will get back to it next Saturday. I was just bawling about my reopening of school all day long . And actually, something good did happen to me I found a hundred rupee note in my IP book just as I opened it, so that's that. And also bad news guddan didi and shrey are coming tomorrow maybe, IDK. and while writing this I just remembered I have so much reading material but I'm not able to read. it's just that I can't find time to do anything like my life is all fucked up I just feel so useless and whenever I start doing something I just lose interest and after a few months I feel like shit about that. I don't even know if I'm will continue writing this. so enough of that I think should get over it like it's just a phase I guess it will pass as I concentrate on everything. And i just remembered i have to finish to write many novels. oh my god! i have to be productive. And so that's the end. lastly why are schools reopening !!!

[sorryicantspell]

hey, it's the first time I'm writing somewhere from my heart. I don't know do people even use this anymore, it's just that this will my diary that I will be writing frequently so please don't read further or if can find yourself in the lines then please do as you please.

[sorryicantspell]

the tension here!!!

clutching onto

battle words

lost

misplaced letters

in sentences

stuttered

when spoken

fixing

on our gaze

of each other’s

bitten

rosy lips

forgetting

what the hell

we were even

arguing about

in the first place

-V.o