stainedstardom

[stainedstardom]

Petrichor [20]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 10,185

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, some fluff, mentions of death, blood, canon violence, mention of drug addiction

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Can you guys believe book 2 is finally done?? We're finally done with season 3!! lol Book 3 will be the last book and I will have some stuff posted for that soon!! I have a few chapters done already lol There's a longer author's note at the end!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Jason’s hands are on your cheeks with his lips pressed to yours. Your hands are gripping the ends of his jacket hoodie with all your might, tugging him as close to you as you possibly can as if the very force of your grip will keep him here forever. The teeth of the zippers dig into the palms of your hands and you can't offer a single thought as your mouth moves with Jason's and everything starts to turn sloppy and desperate.

Jason backs you up to the wall where he pins you against it. Teeth smack and clank as you both grip each other wherever your hands lead you as if everything in this moment will fix all of your broken pieces and tainted dreams. You give each other everything, every breath and movement and every piece of yourselves to each other. Jason cuts himself open and gives you everything in him, every part of him even the bad parts just makes you feel whole. He bleeds him dry without ever second guessing it just for you, just to make sure you are happy. And you pull the air out of your lungs and offer it to him in silver jars just to watch him smile. You give him the very oxygen you breathe as if it’ll save him from himself. You offer him the air you breathe in order to see him smile and know he is enough. You give each other everything you can as if this will be the last time you have this moment.

Jason wants to believe this is not the last time but he has never gotten to be so lucky. Not in this life or the previous one. His own certainty is that he will love you in every life after. You have ruined him for anyone who ever even dared to show up later because he is stained by you and he would never have it any other way. But, there is that piece of him that thinks this is it. This is all there will ever be. Something will happen and this will be it so he gives you his all as his mouth moves with yours and his right hand grips your hip hard enough to leave bruises.

Time happens. You know time doesn’t stop anyway. Days go by and then weeks, then months, and then years. Something always comes up and it’ll always be a tomorrow problem and then another tomorrow and another until the tomorrows are neverending. This might be it because you both have a habit of getting lost in time and there is never enough of it. Time will go by and maybe this will be it for you. So, you give him every part of you as you tug the hair at the nape of his neck.

Jason pulls away just enough to kiss your cheek and tenderly makes his way down your neck only to be met with the sturdy armor of your suit. Jason huffs against what skin is exposed before he moves back to your cheek, only for you to laugh softly.

“Safety first.” You mutter through breathy words.

Jason snorts as his head feels fuzzy. "Fuck off." He mutters right as both of his hands squeeze your hips as if they're the only thing keeping him planted on the planet.

Jason slides a hand to your back, trailing over the zipper, ready to tug it down just as your phone starts ringing. The two of you pull away, breaking for some air that isn't tangled between the two of you only to let out groans.

"Cockblock." Jason states as you tug your phone from your suit.

You let out a chortle, not looking up at Jason as your cheeks start to burn. "Who says you were getting that lucky?"

Jason narrows his eyes at you before he raises his brows. "Hey, a guy can hope." Jason states with sarcasm as you look up at him with softness clouding your eyes.

"Fucking cockblock." You roll your eyes earning a laugh from Jason. "Least that was fun." You nod your head as your smile turns into something sad and soft.

You answer the phone before Jason can respond. Dick mostly just explains the sort of plan they have for the moment. They aren't sure what they're going to do about the people in the streets but if Jason and Dick and Donna can be brought back, he wants to find a way to bring all of them back, too. But for now, Dick explains he's going to send you and Jason into the manor together to start taking out of the cops working with Crane in order to give Gar access to the alarm system. Once it's disabled, they'll take back the manor and take down Crane. You and Jason both think it sounds easy enough but sounding easy lately, doesn't mean it will be. But, you both have faith in it. It'll be the closest you've come to taking down Crane anyway. So, you set up a time and end the call.

After the call, you and Jason stand facing each other as you both continue to catch your breath. With the call, the weight and gravity of the situation fall back onto your shoulders. Avoiding it isn't going to make the weight any better. You both need to learn how to remove the bricks one by one. The adrenaline starts to dissipate between you as you smile softly at him and Jason's cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink. Maybe that feels a little unfinished but...maybe that gives you both the opportunity to come back even if it's just one last time for old-time's sake and for now, you're okay with that.

"Well," Jason sucks in a breath finally pulling his hands away from her hips. "Wanna try and get some sleep for a few hours?" Jason offers.

"Yeah, I'm fucking exhausted. I, uh, I don't remember the last time I really...slept, actually." You let out a sheepish laugh.

"Come on." Jason jerks his head towards the bed on the opposite side of the room. "I'll set an alarm." Jason smiles softly at you.

The two of you get into the bed just as you always have. You still say you'll never make him sleep on the floor and it's not like this is something new, even as friends. It doesn't matter. And Jason is happy with this. He's hoping maybe he'll actually get some much-needed sleep anyway. You always made him feel a little more at ease anyway. So, you lay down, your head on his chest and you try to get some sleep before you need to be at the manor.

By the time the next morning rolls around, you and Jason have gotten some sleep. It wasn't good sleep or very much. Some of it was just being a little worried for what today would bring and if Crane planned on setting off another bomb to kill more people. Some of it was worry for the other Titans. And then some of it was just stress. But, you both did get some sleep and Jason's alarm woke up you with a jolt.

A heaviness fills the air between you, knowing this will be it. This is your shot to take out Crane. This is your shot to take back the city. If this plan doesn't work, Crane will expect everyone always and you'll lose. You can't afford to lose today. But, this is what being a vigilante is about. It's risking everything for the greater good. So, the two of you get ready and head outside to Jason's bike.

Jason hands you the extra helmet before he mounts himself on the bike. You're chewing the inside of your cheek, your grip tight on the helmet. Jason can feel it, too. He doesn't want you anywhere near Crane. He could have killed you the last time you were face-to-face. He tried to kill you and that alone nearly sends Jason into a rage. Jason wouldn't put it past Crane to try again or try to get Jason to do it or make Jason watch. You can't die. He doesn't want you to get hurt at all, you've been hurt enough by Crane. It's not up to Jason though. This will never be up to him.

"You sure about this?" Jason asks you, mostly just checking in.

You nod your head softly. "Uh, yeah. Just..." You suck in a breath. "Fucking Crane, ya know?" You shake your head, looking to the ground as you lick your lips. "Ready for this shit to be over." You scoff as you loos back to him.

"You gonna kill him?" Jason asks.

"Did you want to?" You ask right back.

"He almost killed you so..." Jason tilts his head to the side, his voice almost telling you you should have known the answer.

"Dick's never gonna let us." You laugh softly before you pop the helmet on your head.

"He's not gonna stay in Gotham forever."  Jason quips as he puts the Red Hood helmet on, making you laugh.

"Yeah, that's true." You take your seat right behind Jason. "Guess we'll just wait until the Titans leave then." You say sarcastically as you wrap your arms around his waist.

"Let's get this going then." Jason says before he revs the bike.

The drive to the manor is quiet, a lot quieter than any ride with you and Jason ever is. On most days, you’re talking through your comms, usually making some sort of inside joke and making some sarcastic jab at each other but today is not that. This is the first time you’re back in the manor together since Jason died. It will not feel normal. It will not feel safe and it won’t be safe. Crane and all of his men are there and this is not how it should be. This is not how you ever imagined it to be.

He was alive and you thought it would be warm and a relief to have him back home. Back at the manor. But, instead, it just feels like dread that’s consuming you because he didn't come with you. He isn't coming home with you. You're only going home together to beat Crane and that stings more than you'll ever tell him. But you have to do this. There is no choice. You are out of options when it comes to Crane. The National Guard has been sent in and Gotham City is under lockdown. Crane wants to take out every person in the city. If you don’t do it now, there may not be a Gotham tomorrow. It’s for the better of the city.

There is also the thought that this is the end between you. You’ll take out Crane today and then…that’ll be it. You’ll go your separate ways for a little bit because that’s what's for the best for both of you. But that doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow.

As for Jason, he’s focused on the mission at hand. He wants to get in and get the hell out. That’s all this is. For the better of the city. But, he’s also trapped in his own head because he did trust Crane so there is some distant part of him that feels bad about it. It’s the right thing to do and he knows Crane doesn’t deserve sympathy for everything he’s done but something about it feels hard and Jason hates that feeling.

And he’s worried about what will happen when Bruce comes back. Eventually, Bruce will know Jason is alive. Once he finds out, he’ll know about Red Hood. Before, that was fine. It was spite. A fuck you to Bruce and the Bat and everything he stood for. But, Bruce killed the Joker for him. Bruce threw away all of his morals for him. That changes things. Jason is firm in his beliefs and what he wants to do after all of this. Nothing is going to change his mind but there is a part of him that is tired of letting everyone around him down. Bruce is the closest thing to family he’s had since his mom died. He never wants someone else to end up like him, go through the hell he’s been through, but he doesn’t want to give up on this either. Not if Bruce really did that. For him.

Then, there’s that thought of being alone. It’s for the best. It’s for the best for him and you. But, he remembers what it was like returning to Gotham without you while you were a Titan. How it felt like the longest month of his life and you weren’t even together yet. But, you were different people then. You aren’t the same stupid kids who were so infatuated with each other, you could hardly breathe. You are more calloused and damaged and bruised and broken. It’s for the best as you learn to live with your new scars. As you come into yourselves as individual people. It’s going to be hard but it’s for the best. Jason swears it’s for the best and the lump in his throat starts to close off his throat.

“How we doing this, Jay?” You ask once you dismount the bike on the outskirts of the property.

Jason takes off his own helmet. “We’re not going to get in with you just walking with me.” Jason starts, gesturing for you to give him your helmet. “Pretend to hold you prisoner, a peace offering to the psycho.” Jason puts both helmets on the handles, trying his best to be casual about it.

Jason knows that’s a big ask given your history. But, he’s not going to tie you up for real and he’s not going to let anyone else do it. You'll never even see Crane until everyone else gets into the Manor. He knows it's not something you'll take lightly. He just doesn't know any other way. It's not like he can sneak you in, that's why Gar needs to enter as a bat in the first place. Turning you into Crane gets you both in but if you aren't comfortable, Jason knows you'll have to figure something else out. This is just the best, easiest, and quickest way.

You nod your head once. “Right, yeah, okay.” You pull in a weary breath.

The idea of even pretending to be restrained makes you want to peel your skin off your bones. You swore never again. You would die trying to get out of it ever happened because it simply can't. If you get restrained again, what happens if you never get to be free? What if something worse happens? It's why you don't like to use your powers. But, this is Jason and even after everything, you have enough trust in him to know he's going to make sure you can free yourself. It makes you nervous and it scares the hell out of you but you also know there isn't another way. You put your trust in him.

“Is that alright?” Jason asks, seeing the hesitance in your face.

You nod quickly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. It’s our way in.”

Jason nods, his eyes darting over you quickly. "Let's get going then." Jason jerks his head in the direction of the manor.

"Think they'll really buy that?" You question as the two of you start your walk to the manor.

"Guess you'll have to channel your inner thespian." Jason offers you a cheeky grin, trying desperately to ease some of your anxiety.

"That's your job, theater boy." You roll your eyes as you laugh softly.

"Oh, well, we know I've got that covered." Jason chuckles, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "You always said I was fucking dramatic." Jason lets out a light-hearted scoff, looking over to you.

"You are." You let out a laugh. "Most dramatic person I ever met." You scrunch your nose as you look back him.

"Yeah, right." Jason scoffs but the smile beams back at you.

The two of you keep up a steady walking pace through the grounds of the manor. Crane doesn't seem to have anyone watching this far out. Chaos is ensuing in the city which means Crane's eyes are probably there and not on the cameras for the grounds. So, your walk is overall pretty peaceful given your circumstances, something the both of you are thankful for.

Once the two of you start to get closer to the front of the manor, you stop behind a few of the trees to scope out the front. There are two guards standing right out front, fully armed and in riot gear. They don't seem to be paying too much attention but the front of the manor is open so you'll be seen immediately. That's the plan anyway, get in without any disturbance and take them all out at once just to get inside. If you make a scene out here, Crane could lockdown the manor before you ever get a chance inside.

"Okay, I'll just hold your hands behind your back. You act like you want to kill me and we're golden." Jason offers you a cocky smirk.

You nod your head with the roll of your eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the drill, thanks." You laugh softly but there's something off about it.

The lack of quip and how the laugh sounds hollow. The smile falls almost immediately as you look at his hands. You bite it back and clear your throat, standing in front of Jason with your hands behind your back. Jason's gloved hands hold your wrists soft enough you could barely move and slip right from his grip. He's mindful, keeping his grip above where the scars hit even though they're covered by your suit.

You can feel his grip still and it's like you're being suffocated. The scars on your wrists start to burn, resembling the burn of you tugging and pulling on the cuffs, desperate to get out. You can feel the skin cracking out in a burn and then a deep welt before it's covered in blood. It burns and it aches and it stings. Your stomach twists and turns with nausea. It's the right thing to do because it'll get you in there. You can help and not being able to do this makes you feel weak and useless. But, it's as if you're frozen in place.

"Are you sure?" Jason asks quietly from behind you. "We can try to just tell them I convinced you to switch with Nightwing being dead."

You look over your shoulder, meeting the concerned look written across Jason's features. They'd never believe Jason could get you to switch sides. It would out you and Jason immediately and the whole thing would go to shit. It's for the greater good of Gotham and you trust him.

"Yeah," You nod your head. "Just hope it works." You pull in a breath as you turn back around.

"If not," Jason pauses for just a second. "We'll go down swinging anyway." He says it casually and you can't tell if it's supposed to be reassuring, a joke, or an acceptance of your possible fate.

"Always thought that'd be our way out." You let out a scoff that's ended with a half laugh. "Let's just go before we're late."

The two of you come out from the trees and start your walk towards the driveway. It only takes a few seconds for you to be spotted. The guards point the gun directly at you and it burns Jason's bloodstream knowing they're mostly pointed at you. If one of them even slips or gets a little too trigger-happy, Jason will lose his entire mind. He doesn't exactly trust them. But, he bites it down because if he starts worrying and getting annoyed, you will do the same.

"Found her snooping around the trees." Jason states once the two of you get closer to the front steps, one of the cops meeting you on the driveway.

"Get fucked." You scoff.

"And you're turning her in?" The guard questions, not buying it.

"Told Crane, I'm all in for his plan. Just here to prove it." Jason says casually, hiding every piece of annoyance and anger he has towards this whole thing.

"And you let him capture you?" The guard narrows his eyes at you.

"Fuck you you fucking piece of shit." You bark back. "No, I didn't let him that would be fucking stupid."

"Where are your friends?" He questions.

Your annoyance is not fake. You hate this guy already and the questioning is ridiculous. Why would you tell him anything and why would Jason tell him if he switched sides?

"I'm not a fucking rat unlike Red Hood here." You narrow your eyes back at him. "They're gonna stop him though." You threaten. "The Titans will win."

The cop gives you a sinister laugh, a way to tell you the Titans don't stand a chance. You swear arrogance has only ever worked on Jason. Arrogance on everyone else seems to make them stupid you think.

"Come on." The cop scoffs, leading the two of you through the front door as the other cop joins you.

Jason's grip is loose against your wrists as the cop walks you inside. The cop trails behind you, keeping the gun on Jason, clearly not trusting him. Jason gets the idea Crane knows he's done. That's fine, really. You're inside and with every step, Jason is thinking of a way out of this if it goes south. He should be able to hear the movement of the gun being held tighter before a trigger is pulled. The fabric of his jacket will move and he can shoot first. Your clairvoyance should go off and you'll have a knife out in the same breath. If this guy takes it into his own hands, it'll get messy quick but you'll have a way out. Jason focuses on a backup plan as you're nudged into the kitchen.

"You're not gonna believe who we caught outside trying to get in." The cop states as he leads you into the kitchen where three other cops in riot gear are gathered.

"What in the actual fuck are you trying to pull here?" One of them asks, his eyes directly on Jason. "Crane is done with you."

"I saw what he did downtown. Let's just say I'd rather be in here when the next bomb goes off." Jason states. "Found her when I showed up and thought I'd show my loyalty to Crane by bringing her in."

"What the fuck makes you think he'll take you back?" The guard asks. "Even with her."

"Pretty sure he's getting tired of dealing with the second string." Jason scoffs.

"Dr. Crane?" The guard states after touching his own comm device in his ear. "Red Hood is here." He says after a few seconds. "And he brought Bluejay, says he captured her for you." He pauses for a few seconds. "Thank you, Doctor." He touches his earpiece again before turning to the guy behind him. "Take them down. I'm gonna go outside and see if we have any other visitors here." The cop says before he rams his shoulder into yours to walk past you and Jason, making Jason's grip tighten on your wrists as an instinct.

One of the cops walks behind the two of you and shoves Jason and in turn, shoves you, too. The two of you nearly trip over each other as you move closer to the middle of the kitchen, standing between the islands while the four cops surround you. There's a feeling creeping into the back of your head, spreading through to the front. It's not quite throbbing like it usually does but there's a subtle alarm going off. It feels more like just a gut feeling something isn't right in this kitchen and based on the second squeeze you get from Jason on your wrist, he knows it, too. All you have to do is wait for Gar to trigger the manor's alarm system.

Just then, as if it be on cue, the alarm starts blaring from above you. Everyone looks up and that's the cue for Jason and you to get this thing going. Jason drops your hands and in an instant, Jason takes his elbow, ramming into the face of the cop behind him while you spin around, throwing a kick at the one behind you.

The cop Jason is fighting immediately starts firing while Jason grabs his arms, spinning him around so the gunfire stays away from you. He yanks the gun away as he tosses the cop over the counter all while you fight the first cop, elbowing him unconscious before throwing a knife at the one about to shoot you. Jason keeps his gun aimed at the last man before hitting him with the butt of the gun, knocking him unconscious.

Jason and you exchange a look with heavy breaths once they're all either down or dead. There's a glint of a smile coming over Jason's face as he shrugs.

"Don't gloat." You state, Jason seeing the smile come to your eyes.

"I wasn't saying shit." Jason defends but there's almost a laugh that leaves his lips.

"Mhm, something about how you trained me well or something." Your eyes narrow but there's something soft over your expression.

"I did." Jason holds his head with pride before he lets out a breath. He misses patrolling with you, fighting side by side. He thinks he'll always miss it. "Come on. We gotta get to Gar before they find him."

The two of you quickly make your way through the kitchen and to the main staircase, leading to bedrooms. You follow behind Jason with two knives in hand, keeping an eye over your shoulders while Jason watches around the corners you reach. As you round another corner and keep up your steady pace, Gar pops out from the corner from the hall that continues to your bedrooms. Gar immediately takes a step back, fear falling over his face.

"Hey, Dick sent us, okay? I'm on your side." Jason rushes quickly.

"I told you, he's with us." You urge not liking the fear over his face or the way his arm is almost in position to fight.

You don't blame him and neither does Jason. He just got Dick killed the other night. This is an entirely fair reaction for him to have regardless on if Jason was trying to help or not. And then Gar's eyes widen just as the back of your head starts throbbing.

Jason and you turn at the same time, Jason firing two shots while you throw a knife. Both of you hit the one cop, sending him to the ground instantly. You and Jason look right at each other and just nod before you turn back to Gar.

"See?" Jason questions.

Gar isn't sure just how relieved he is but he is thankful. "Thanks." Gar nods, his voice still a little unsure.

"Set up the router." Jason states.

"We'll watch the hall." You finish as the two of you stand on either side of the hall, opposite each behind two of the large pillars.

Gar ducks behind the corner and starts communicating with Dick about Jason and you being there before he starts working. But, it's only a few seconds before two of the cops show up, jogging through the hall but they're met by Jason and you as you duck from behind your pillars. Jason takes one while you take the other, the two of you using your fists and elbows for nonlethal force, successfully knocking out the cops before you go back to your spots. Jason flashes you a smirk while you roll your eyes.

The two of you wait as Gar takes down the system while Dick is on his way inside. You look over to Jason, his back pressed against the pillar with his gun that he stole from one of the cops downstairs held against his chest. You think about how you're going to miss this part of it. Dick said you work well together, it's why he wanted you to team up for this. Part of it. And you do. You never have to speak to know exactly what the other one is going to do. You think that probably isn't too common and you're going to miss it. You'll miss him, even if it's only a week you don't talk.

It's only a few minutes before Gar finishes up and meets you and Jason in the hall. He looks more relieved now as the three of you stand in the hall and it almost feels like it once did.

"So, you're really with us?" Gar asks.

Jason nods. "Yeah, I'm done with this shit." Jason lets out an easy scoff. "Sorry for everything, man."

"It's okay. You were drugged and manipulated." Gar offers his understanding. "Thanks for the help." Gar nods before he looks to you. "Thank you."

"Yeah, don't mention it." You smile under your mask as you scrunch your nose until you hear fighting and gunfire from downstairs.

The three of you exchange panicked looks before you run down the hall and towards the staircase. You and Jason take one way while Gar takes the other so you have both entrances covered to the main living room, hearing that's where the gunfire is coming from. The three of you reach your entrances just in time to see Dick throw one of his weapons, hitting the barrel of the gun pointed at him which makes it backfire, killing the cop holding it. You, Jason, and Gar enter fully into the room, slightly concerned by the whole interaction and the amount of bodies littered over the floor but not even willing to question it. It was Dick's life or that cop's and he wasn't going to let Dick walk out of here alive.

Dick walks up to the camera and grins wickedly before he salutes it. Bringing Crane down is definitely bringing Dick a lot of joy. It's bringing a lot of the Titans a lot of joy to bring him down.

Dick starts a quick pace to the entrance to the Batcave. "Let's go." He says, looking towards Jason and you.

"No." Jason says quickly, making Gar and Dick stop their walk to the entrance while you look to Jason with confusion. Dick nods his head at Gar for him to keep going before he closes some of the distance between him and Jason. "Look, this is a Titan's job. He knows I turned on him and that's enough for me. You guys finish it."

Something about the way he says it, as a form of acceptance warms your heart. Jason Todd doesn't hold very many grudges. He is not a mean person and he is not a monster. He should walk into that Batcave and rip Crane's head right off of his shoulders for everything he's done but he doesn't. Jason recognizes he was part of this problem. Drug or not, it does not matter. This was his doing and the Titans deserve the right to take him down. Crane knowing Jason turned on him and Jason being allowed to help the Titans, that's enough revenge for him now. He knows you'll give him hell anyway, it's your hell to bring him if you want it that bad.

"You sure?" Dick asks, somewhere between surprised and understanding.

"And tell the others I'm sorry." Jason shakes his head. "For everything." His voice is soft and honest.

"Thank you, Jason." Dick states with a nod of his head.

Dick Grayson can hold a grudge. Sometimes, he can be bitter and angry, understandably so. He can hold a grudge and maybe he should sometimes. But, Dick Grayson is not a mean person. He is not unreasonable. He is understanding and he cares about the people he loves and protects. It was his job to protect Jason at some point and he failed. Maybe some of this is on him and he died. That was a missing piece he really needed to understand how they even got here. He can hold a grudge but one against Jason is not one he's willing to have. He is thankful and hopes once this is over, they can both move on from whatever bitter rivalry boiled between them.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jason starts as he starts to move away from Dick and towards the exit. "I was never here." He finishes before he leaves the room, you looking back at him before looking to Dick.

"Go." Dick states. "Something tells me you'll find Crane your own way, anyway." Dick doesn't sound pleased but he almost, just almost, looks content.

You nod softly. "Tell him I'm coming for him." You state the smile reaching your eyes just as you hear rapid footsteps coming into the room. Your mouth falls open from behind your mask as your eyes widen and turn watery. "Tim!?"

"Hey!" Tim chimes with excitement.

"I thought you were dead!" You rush over to him and pull him into a hug.

"Oh, yeah, I kind of died." Tim answers. "I don't know. It was weird, Donna was there." Tim's voice is filled with excitement at the mention of Donna, something most people would probably find off-putting. But, not you, that's just Tim.

You pull away, looking between Tim and Dick before you just roll your eyes. "I...okay." You shake your head, deciding to ask more questions later. "I'm gonna go. Fill me in later though, very happy you're alive." You smile before you turn on your feet.

"I knew you were Bluejay." Tim chuckles with confidence.

You turn around and deadpan but Tim holds his confident smile. "Shut up." You let out an exasperated sigh before you turn around and follow where Jason left.

Jason has done everything he can do. Crane might have caused him pain but at the end of the day, it was Jason's trust in him that allowed Crane to cause everyone else so much pain and agony around him. Crane got control of the city because Jason trusted him. Bringing down Crane, that was never supposed to be Jason's job. That should be on the Titans, Jason knows he's just lucky to be walking away from it not only alive, but free.

He walks out of the manor and for the first time, he feels free. He is not obligated to come back. He's not obligated to offer anyone anything anymore. There is no obligation to be a hero or a villain. There is no obligation to be back by a certain time or an obligation to put food on a table. He is no longer obligated to take care of anyone or look out for anyone but himself. For the first time, Jason Todd is free to be whoever the fuck he wants to be without anyone else's opinion or input. That part is a bit terrifying but there is something cathartic about it as the cold Gotham air hits his cheeks. There is guilt and remorse and a heaviness he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to shake. There's the haunting ache in his bones but...he is free to live how he wants for the first time and that, is cathartic.

"Jay!" You call after him, stepping out of the manor.

Jason turns around, brows pulled together. "What're you doing? Thought you'd be in there with them to take down Crane."

"Dick's not gonna let me kill him." You let out a chortle. "And...Tim showed up anyway. It is Crane's fault he died." You nod.

"He died?" Jason questions loudly, his eyes shooting open.

He knew it was bad that night but he didn't realize Tim had died either. He was kind of with you, hoping he lived. It was easier to just hope it would work out. But of course, Crane just had to take out someone innocent. Jason hopes Tim is in the Batcave right now giving Crane absolute hell.

"Yeah," You say quietly. "Um, he seemed okay for the few seconds I saw him. Seemed happy to be here." You laugh softly, looking to your feet before looking back to Jason. "I, um," Your brows pull together as you suck in a breath. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, yeah, all good." Jason nods his head, earning an eyebrow raise from you. You could always see through him like he were cellophane. "I'm not Robin anymore." Jason confesses, looking around the manor before his eyes come back to you.

"You're not." You nod your head, almost dreading where this is going.

He never needed Robin. He could be just as great as Red Hood or as someone else or just Jason Todd. You aren't sure that's where this is going but you do know what Robin meant to him. You can only hope he will see his worth one day and he'll be able to move on from it with fondness.

"Bruce isn't here." Jason lets out a sigh.

"Nope." You shake your head once, now wondering where Jason could be going with this.

"I can be...whoever I want." Jason swallows thickly before looking to the ground.

You pull your mask off, closing some of the distance between you as a tender smile comes over your lips. "You deserve it, Jay."

Jason could always be whoever he wanted but he always felt like he needed permission. People always expected him to be something specific. If he didn't meet what they wanted, he thought they'd leave. Maybe if he could be what they expected, he wouldn't be too much or too little. He could be just enough and there would be no transaction in being loved. But, it never did work out that way. It led him here.

He isn't sure he deserves to be who he wants but he does want to try. He wants to try and be whoever he can be. Maybe that's worse but at least he'll be him. He will no longer be a torn painting of something everything thought he was. He will no longer put on a facade to be enough. That's easier said than done but he thinks maybe, just maybe, he can do it in time. He'll destroy every part of himself that has been damaged by broken expectations and be the person he actually wants to be. There will be a home for all of his pieces one day.

"Thanks." Jason nods his head. "So do you, ya know."

"Yeah," You scoff softly.

You aren't so sure you do after everything that's happened. On the one hand, you remained on Jason's side but...you did betray him in a way you aren't so sure you can forgive. On the other hand, you owed some more loyalty to the Titans than you did give them. A part of you thought you would turn on them if it came to it and that is not the person you want to be. But, you aren't sure you're deserving of better anymore. It's a lot to be forgiven for and a lot to forgive yourself for. And you just look at Jason who looks like he might have a little more hope left somewhere in his cracked ribs so maybe you can spare some, too.

"Where ya gonna go then?" You ask with a tender voice, as if stalling so you don't have to say goodbye.

"Safehouse." Jason answers. "One I've been staying at." He explains further. "You?"

"Probably call Molly, she'll be pissed." You laugh softly. "I, uh, I've avoided her, ya know? Just to keep her at a distance after Tim, ya know? But, she'll probably let stay."

Jason's relieved you'll have a place to stay. The whole space thing is the point, but if it came to it, he'd never let you live on the streets again. He has more than one statehouse. Molly would never tell you no though. And he hopes you will be a little more careful living with Molly. You wouldn't want to put Molly in danger and have Molly constantly see you with some sort of injury.

"What's next then?" Jason asks as he takes a single step forward, knowing you can only stall for so long.

"Keep this up, I guess." You laugh softly. "I don't know. Come up with a plan. You?"

"Yeah." Jason chuckles softly. "Think I'm gonna keep doing this, work from the top and try to control it. Don't know how much Bruce is gonna like it." A devilish grin puls at Jason's lips.

"He'll probably just be happy to have you alive." You answer honestly.

"Yeah..." Jason's voice goes quiet, not convinced. "You should, uh, you should go back in there though." Jason swallows a lump forming in his throat.

The air feels heavy and thick, stale and bitter. It's like it doesn't want to flow into your lungs with the request. Stalling is just making it harder, you can see it in the way his eyes reflect and the very hint of the tip of his nose turning red. It's not from the cold.

"This is really it, huh?" Your voice quivers with the question.

Jason nods sadly. "Yeah..." His voice is quiet and filled with guilt. Jason almost backtracks but that's not the right thing to do. So, instead, he stays honest. "Gonna miss you."

"Gonna miss you, too." You say quietly. "Just, uh, we'll be in the same city so we just...meet again later." You nod softly, almost trying to convince yourself more than Jason.

Jason nods back quickly. "Yeah, exactly. And we have Molly anyway, she'll never keep us apart." Jason laughs softly.

"You're right." You laugh back. "Be careful, Jay." You close more of the distance between you, offering your hand to him.

It is bitter. It is hard and it is sad. You both might convince yourselves it's for the best but that doesn't make this any less painful. You trust each other more than anyone in the world and you have given each other every piece of yourselves. To see the other one go in another direction feels like you're losing a piece of your own hearts. But this is something you have to do, for yourselves and each other.

"Do you want to leave this on a handshake?" Jason quips back, not wanting to leave this so sad. That was never you anyway.

"No." You laugh as you look down to your open hand before you drop it.

Leaving it on a handshake feels permanent and that is not what either of you want. Maybe time will pass and it'll be hard to come together. But maybe in that time, you'll eventually find yourselves clawing your way back to each other. You both are so positive your hearts will only ever beat for each other as if they are beacons home. You both swear this cannot be the end of you so a handshake won't work.

Jason closes the rest of the distance between you, his hands coming up to your cheeks before his lips press against yours. It's different than it was at the safehouse. It's not heated or desperate. It's not as if you both are chasing something you'll never catch up to. It is tender and soft, deep and passionate. Your hands go to his sides while Jason's thumbs rub over your cheeks. You both take the time to just savor this for all that is worth. It has to be worth something. It just has to.

Jason pulls away first, his forehead coming to yours and he doesn't dare to open his eyes, knowing the second he does, he has to leave. Jason will have to walk away from the one person who showed what unconditional love really is. He'll have to walk away so he savors it for all that he can. You sniffle against him, keeping your eyes closed and Jason knows it's time.

He pulls away just enough, pressing a kiss to your forehead as his hands trail down your neck, to your arms, and then to your hips. Before he can say another word, you pull him for a hug and his arms entirely engulf you. You think you'll never feel this warm again but you hope he'll be happy. You only hope he'll be okay. Jason Todd deserves to be happy no matter what the cost. You press a kiss to his cheek and it's you that pulls away first because you think if Jason does it, he'll always question if it were the right decision. You do it so he doesn't have to.

His eyes are red and watery but there's a firmness, a certainty, over his features. And then he nods.

"I love you." Jason says it first this time and it nearly sends you into a fit of broken sobs.

"I love you, too." You back away from him and think you might get hypothermia in seconds. "See you later, yeah?" You ask.

"'Course, can't get rid of me that easy, babe." Jason tries to lighten it but he's missing the same snark he should have. You offer a soft smile before Jason turns to walk away, only to turn around again. "Keep the necklace, by the way." Jason forces one of his cheeky smirks onto his lips. "Still always come to find you if you need me to." The smirk falls into something sweet and soft.

"You can always come find me." You nod back but this time, you manage a smile. "You and me." You shrug softly.

"You and me." Jason offers you one reassuring nod as his heart feels like it's just fallen out of his ribcage and then he turns around and makes his way down the driveway.

The next two days leave everyone starting to clean up the mess that was left in the wake of Crane's reign of Gotham. The Titans and you have taken over the manor again, getting everything clean and back to how it was before Crane took over. Jason has been at his safehouse, getting everything he needs to make it feel more like a home rather than a rundown and empty building. But after two days, the Titans are ready to leave which leaves Dick to say goodbye to Bruce. That's when Jason walks in, figuring it's his turn to have a conversation with him now that he's finally back.

Jason finds himself going back to his old room while Dick and Bruce finish up their talk. The hubcaps he stole from the Batmobile lay on his old dresser and he finds himself thinking about it. That night. He remembers the day Bruce told him about Robin and offered him the position if he were willing to train for it. It was hard and it sucked but the day Bruce gave him that suit, Jason swore it was the greatest day of his life. He remembers how happy he was as if he had finally found his purpose in this world. Not one single part of him thought he would be here today. He never thought he would have died and betrayed the people he loved. He never thought things would get here with Bruce. It was so happy and fulfilling and now it's...tarnished. Broken and shattered. He wonders what his old self would think of him now.

Bruce walks in a few minutes later, gaining Jason's attention.

"Coming here wasn't my idea." Jason immediately defends himself as he turns around to face Bruce, hoping Bruce believes him.

There's a long pause as Bruce puts his hands in his pockets. "Can you forgive me?" Bruce asks.

It is agonizing with Bruce asking. It's something Jason didn't expect, not from Bruce. A part of him, wants to ask for what? Jason can see some of the wrong Bruce did that did not help him. Some of those things did contribute to him dying and working with Crane. But, the way Jason sees it, Bruce isn't the one who needs forgiving.

Jason leans against the dressing, stuffing his own hands in his pocket before he nods softly. "But you can't forgive me." Jason shakes his head.

Bruce shakes his head back, looking to the ground. "There was a time when that would have been true, Jason, but..." Bruce shakes his head as he pauses before he looks back to Jason. "We've all grown and crossed lines, starting with me."

Bruce crossed the one line he swore he would never cross and Jason crossed it, too. He does not want to lose his son over this whole thing. Bruce knows he has a lot to make up for, thinking maybe he should have listened to what Dick was trying to explain to him since leaving. It has to start somewhere and Bruce is willing to start here. He forgives Jason for everything, no question or doubt in his mind.

"I did things I can't come back from." Jason shakes his head.

Jason knows Bruce's line. Bruce killed the fucking Joker which basically every single person in Gotham agrees was the right decision. Jason did not kill the Joker. It's different. Jason turned on Dick, Bruce's other son. This whole thing is different than what Bruce did. Jason can't erase any of it no matter how badly he wants to. The drug and the killing of his friend, the betrayal and injuries he's caused are things he can't come back from. He did horrible and unforgivable things. He can't go back and change it. He needs to just find a way to live with them now.

"Did you want to come back?" Bruce asks.

Jason looks around his room before pushing off of the dresser. "Here?" He questions as he closes some of the distance between him and Bruce, leaving a few feet between them. "No." Jason's voice is honest and soft. Jason looks to the ground. "That life is over." He says before looking back to Bruce.

Bruce lets out a sigh of understanding. "What life is next?"

"I don't know." Jason answers honestly.

"The fear that you felt, I refused to see it because it's something that you and I share." Bruce explains quietly as he gestures softly between the two of them. "It held its weight over us. But fear is a bad mentor. I wish I had had the strength to help you face yours." Bruce is quiet but honest and this is the deepest conversation they've ever had.

Jason has held resentment for Bruce but...this conversation is changing that, it's just making him feel more guilty over it. Bruce doesn't admit that he's wrong often. Part of that is Bruce is very rarely ever wrong anyway but even then, it's hard for him to admit fault. It means a lot to Jason that Bruce is taking some of the accountability for it even if Jason doesn't blame him. Dick and you were right, Bruce actually does care.

Jason looks to the ground. "When you killed the Joker, did you do that for me?" Jason asks as he looks back to Bruce.

Bruce pauses for a few seconds before he nods his head. "Yes." He answers simply. "I did."

It's all Jason needed to hear. He doesn't know what this means for them but...he'll never be able to express what it means to him for Bruce to have actually done that. For him. Before coming here, he wasn't sure what he wanted from the conversation or what to expect but it wasn't this. It's better. Jason has confirmation that he is important to Bruce, not as Robin but as Jason Todd.

"Thank you." Jason states, his words firm but tender before he walks past Bruce and leaves the room, leaving the manor.

You and the rest of the Titans are at the hangar, waiting for Dick. You might not be going with, but you're here to say goodbye and Tim is here. Tim has since told you about the whole bridge dream thing where he met Donna and Hank. Hank sacrificed himself so him and Donna could come back. It all sounded completely insane but you aren't going to argue with Tim over that. You're just happy to have them both back and alive.

"He said ten o'clock. He did say ten o'clock, right?" Kory asks, pacing near Conner.

"He said ten." Conner confirms, holding the strap of his backpack over his shoulder.

"He'll get here...eventually." Rachel laughs softly. "He always does." Rachel finishes just as they all hear honking and turn to see an RV pulling into the lane.

"Hey, did someone order a bus?" Gar questions.

The bus pulls right open to the opening of the hangar where Dick and Donna are seated in their seats. You stifle a laugh and right about now, you're pretty glad you're not going with them. Sitting in an RV with the Titans for over three days with no way to escape, does not sound fun. Though, you think they'll have a great time.

Donna and Dick get out of the bus, Dick looking very pleased with himself as he faces the rest of the Titans.

"Hey, Dick, uh, what is that?" Rachel questions as her arms are crossed over her chest.

"That's an RV." Dick states, pointing a finger back at the door with genuine happiness in his voice. "I figured it would be way more fun than taking Bruce's jet."

Everyone turns to look at the joy that could have been. You finally break, letting out a quick laugh as you shake your head. You can confirm the jet is way more fun and it's faster. But you aren't going to tell Kory that.

"Why would that be more fun?" Kory asks as if she's going to pass out.

"Roadtrip!" Gar says quickly before he turns to you. "I'm gonna..." Gar points to the RV with a large smile.

"Have fun." You laugh softly before you hug quickly. "Lemme know how Metropolis is! And fill be in on all things Superman, he's actually cool." You beam as Gar laughs and promises to let you know everything before he darts over to the RV and rushes right inside.

"Right because who would want to fly in the batjet?" Rachel quips as she makes her way to the RV.

"Exactly." Dick states, picking up some of the bags to load them up.

You stand back, watching Rachel and Gar go onto the bus. Donna and Tim are saying their goodbyes to Conner just as Blackfire drives up to the hangar, leaving Kory to say her goodbye. Dick starts loading bags into the storage compartments of the RV so you pick up one Gar left behind and bring it over.

"Not mine." You state quickly as Dick takes it from you.

"Are you sure want to stay here? Plenty of room." Dick offers kindly.

You look to the giant RV and then back to Dick. "Yeah...I think all of Gotham can see that." You quip back before letting out a soft laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure." You nod with confidence, sure of your decision. "Thanks, though."

"Jason?" Dick asks, mostly just to check this isn't about him though this time if it were, he'd entirely understand.

You shake your head. "No. We, uh, we are not speaking. We are giving each other space after everything that's happened." You answer simply. "It's home, like I said. And now I have Molly who will not shut up about me needing eyes in the sky like a Ned Leeds or Ganke." You mutter earning a questionable look from Dick. "Spider-Man thing, ask Gar." You laugh. "I have her and uh, yeah. I don't know. I just want to stay here and do my own thing." You shrug as a soft smile tugs at your lips.

"Good." Dick nods with a proud smile. "But if you change your mind or you ever need anything, we're a phone call away." Dick offers you a smile, something you don't know if you'll ever get used to. You're so used to fighting with him.

"Of course." You laugh. "I plan to harass you still." You beam up at him.

"Thanks." Dick deadpans with sarcasm.

"Thanks again though for..." You gesture broadly. "And not killing Jason. Seriously, Dick, I owe you a lot for the last couple of weeks for shit I did and the hell I gave you. So, thank you. I will deny it, but you are very good at this shit. And I'm gonna miss all of you a lot."

"Thank you." Dick says with honesty. "We'll all miss you, too." Dick nods down at her.

It's sad for him to say goodbye but he's very proud. A little worried because it's you but he's proud. Looking back at your first day at the tower to now, he's impressed and happy with how far you've come. It might have gotten messy but you never wavered. Jason died and that was horrible for you and it changed things. Dick saw that same thing in himself when his parents died. Then, you turn around and refuse to compromise your own morals even if that means making things harder on yourself. And you refuse to quit even when maybe you should. He thinks you'll do just fine no matter where you are.

You smile softly before closing the distance between you and hugging Dick softly. Once you let go, you head back over to your place inside the hangar with Tim and Donna. The three of you watch as the Titans pile into the RV, Tim looking defeated and saddened. Tim offers them a sad wave.

"For what it's worth," Donna says softly as she rubs Tim's back. "I think you would have made a pretty decent Robin."

"You would have." You add in, feeling bad for him.

It's as if he's watching all his hopes and dreams about to drive away. But then, Dick looks back at all of you, tossing his backpack onto his back.

"You coming?" Dick asks, his eyes right on Tim.

Tim's eyes nearly shoot out of his head as a smile splits his face. "Are you serious?" Tim asks.

"The question is: are you?" Dick asks back. "I mean you got some nice moves but you're gonna need proper training...if you're up for it."

Tim looks between the three of you with a smile that will likely be plastered across his face for the rest of his life.

"Go." You encourage him. As much as you don't want to see another friend join the whole vigilante thing, it's something Tim really wants and you do think he'll be a great Robin. He deserves the chance and it is a little funny to you that Dick is still plucking people off the street to join the Titans. Like father like son. "I'll look after your parents." You assure him before Tim is quick to skip over to the RV and dart inside before Dick can change his mind.

The three of you watch them finish getting onto the RV and unlike when you left San Francisco, this feels different. It felt...sadder last time like maybe it wasn't time for you to go. It wasn't time for you to leave the new family you had been brought into. You felt hopeful but sad where this time, there is still sadness but it's filled with hope. It is up to you to determine the life you want to live. It's up to you if you want to go back to the Titans and if not, that's okay because they're your family. It's up to you if you want to be Bluejay. You don't have to live with Bruce or Jason. You can just...be you. In Gotham, just as you were before. You'll have her best friend at your side and if you're lucky, maybe one day you'll have Jason, too. But, until then, you just get to exist with hope-filled hands.

prev. chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

A/n: I can't believe I finally finished book 2!! I was really pushing at the end there lmao I love season 3 but it took so much out of me lol So, thank you to all of you who kept reading and big thank you to anyone who's commented and/or reblogged!! I SWEAR comments have always meant so much to me and make me want to finish lol

So with that said, book 3 will be the last book and I don't think it will be as long as 1 and 2?? But I am really excited for it!! I have a lot planned and season 4 episode 11 is canon so you'll have that to look forward to!! I've got 3 chapters already done. I'll have more info on it later with a posting date!! It won't be long between this chapter and book 3, promise!! Thank you guys so much!! 😭😭😭

Tag List: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmesss // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @urmomsgayforme5 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman// @killxz // @lovefks // @laurelthesimp // @strawberryforks // @mxtokko // @kolpvii

@logangarfield

[stainedstardom]

screams, cries and throws up

Petrichor [17]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 12,212

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, little bit of hurt/comfort, blood, gunshot, canon violence, mention of Jason pushing a serial rapist from a building

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I can't believe we're almost done with season 3 and then we can move onto season 4 (I have a plan) lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

You're still sitting on Jason's bed, eating a few of the granola bars he gave you and drinking water to gather the energy to make your way back to the manor. And for just this hour, it's peaceful. You're scrolling on your phone as it charges, just scrolling through Instagram and catching up on some things you've missed while also quickly scrolling away from whatever chaos about Gotham someone is posting. It's peaceful for once even when you know it won't be soon. It is nice. For right now.

But, then your phone starts vibrating before your scrolling is interrupted with a video taking up your entire screen. The screen is black for a few seconds before the Batman symbol appears on your screen as Crane's voice starts talking.

"Gotham City used to have a protector, a guardian angel." Crane's voice says as it switches to a red Titans symbol.

That's not good.

"But Batman abandoned Gotham and left Nightwing and his friends in his place." A screen showing every Titan, including Sam, shows up on the screen with "Titans wanted" at the bottom of the screen. Then it switches to a clip of Nightwing fighting. "And what has Nightwing done?" Crane asks as texts calling Nightwing a thief, liar, and a conman flash across the clip. "He's robbing you. Poisoning the very water you drink," The clip changes to one of Gar as a tiger, attacking someone. "The water you give your children. Nightwing is a criminal." The clip changes to one of Nightwing and Starfire blowing up one of the drum barrels that poisoned the water. "Protected by Gotham City Police. Only you can stop him. There will be a $50,000 reward paid to the person who brings him in. Dead or alive." The clip changes again to a clip of Gar changing into a tiger. "But take heart Gotham, a new hero will rise and you will know his name." The clip changes to Jason's Red Hood symbol with a picture of the helmet on top. "Red Hood."

"Oh fuck." You groan.

None of you can really catch a break for longer than five minutes. And you find yourself even more irritated that Crane had the audacity to think Jason would just go back to him after almost killing you. Crane really thinks you don't mean anything to each other and you swear that's his downfall, underestimating what you mean to each other. Because Crane doesn't know Jason isn't going to be on his side anymore. Though this video seems like it's going to complicate things.

It's been bad enough with Jason wanting Dick dead the last few weeks but now the entire city of Gotham is going to want him dead. Gothamites already aren't thrilled with the Titans and this going to push them over the edge. They're already upset Batman abandoned them after Robin was killed. It seems like the city didn't mean too much to Batman if he fucks off the second Robin is killed. Gotham has been absconded and Crane is going to use their distrust and distaste over the situation against the Titans.

You let out an annoyed huff before ripping your phone from the charger and grabbing another granola bar for the road. You have to get back to the manor before every citizen in Gotham decides to become a bounty hunter. You don't have your suit but you're thinking it might be safer to get the hell out of the city sooner rather than later.

When you get to the manor, it's empty. The manor has always had a way of seeming just a little too quiet. It's a big space with only a handful of people living in the halls at any given time. It didn't bother you much before, because Jason's voice tended to bounce off the walls, etch itself into the plaster. And with so many Titans around, it filled a bit of the silent void but today, as you walk in, it's quiet. The hairs on the back of your neck start to stand on end because, from your experience, quiet in a place that's not usually quiet, is bad. You grab a knife from your belt as you make your way, quietly into the Batcave.

With every step, you try to figure out why you're being so paranoid about this. It's the Batcave. No one outside of the Titans or Bruce would even be down here and the Titans are likely out trying to sort out the mess Crane just created for them. But, something in you grips your knife tighter as if it's some sort of sick reflex to always dread for the worst. Maybe that's growing to be a bit exhausting, too.

Your worry washes away as you enter the main area of the cave and see Dick standing in front of the Batcomputer with his arms crossed, his eyes glued to the monitor. You pocket your knife as you continue to walk closer to him, gaining his attention. A sense of relief pools at the bit of Dick's stomach to see you're alive and walking. It wasn't just Gar that was worried about what happened to you.

"Where the hell were you?" Dick questions, not skipping a beat.

"Walking." You shake your head, looking at the screens to see the other Titans fighting what seems to be civilians. "Given the broadcast Crane put out, do you really think it's such a good idea to have them fighting civilians?" You look up at Dick, a look of worry and sorrow washing over your tired features.

Dick gives you a harsh glare that softens the second his eyes meet yours. He shakes his head before looking back at the Batcomputer. You watch Kory fight someone and watch their body twist into positions it should not. The man gets up, foaming viciously from the mouth like a bad case of rabies.

"Kory." Dick warns.

"What the fuck did I miss?" You question as you scrunch your nose in disgust.

It has to be the water because the more you watch, it's as if this person is bending like a zombie from a movie or something. He won't stay down and he looks rabid but his bones are broken and it's as if he doesn't even notice. It almost reminds you of the Rage Virus from 28 Days Later, just without the blood.

Kory takes another hit to the man and this time he goes and stays down.

"A lot." Dick mutters. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea, me staying here."

"No, you got a fifty thousand dollar bounty on your head. It'd only make things worse." Kory says.

"I got another one." Gar says as a man with an axe starts to walk towards him and fight. "Oh, come on, Pal." Gar groans before he starts fighting this guy until he goes down.

"Looks like the worst of it is over." Dick says, not seeing any other civilians that look to be affected.

"Hold that thought." Kory says as more innocent civilians walk over but they all keep their distance from the Titans.

"Please, don't hurt us." A civilian yells.

"Shit." Dick mutters.

On the one hand, you're a little offended these people saw one video and immediately switched sides. But, on the other, Batman abandoned them and ever since Nightwing and the Titans showed up, Gotham has been more of a shitshow than usual. To some extent, you can kind of see why they're upset and distrusting of the Titans. It's also Crane who can manipulate most people. But you want to know where their sense of loyalty is. So many people just throw their loyalty to the side when one thing goes wrong. You think it's actually pretty sad.

"Everything's alright." Kory assures them.

"You're Titans, Nightwing's gang."

"No, we're not much of a gang, really. More like roommates." Gar says back, trying to make light of the situation the best he can.

"Just get the fuck out of here and leave us alone." Another civilian says.

"We're here to help." Conner says. "That video you saw, it's all lies."

"They're the reason the water's poisoned." A civilian yells.

"Kory, get em out of there." Dick states.

"He wants us to just leave?" Conner asks.

"I vote stay. Give them a good reminder of which side we're on." Blackfire says.

"If you stay, it'll only get worse." Dick says. "Get out. Now."

The Titans do as directed, leaving the people to themselves. You look up to Dick who just looks frustrated. It must be hard to make a call like that when he's been raised for years to always help. The people have always wanted his help. Now, they don't want anything to do with him or the Titans. The Titans became some sort of collateral damage in it. It can't be easy and you feel for him.

"So..." You clear your throat, breaking the silence. "You were right. He did plan to poison people but...he just outed that? And the GCPD also put out a warning anyway? So, most of the city isn't infected."

"Luckily. We just have bounties on our heads while we're dealing with this." Dick lets out a scoff. "Do you want to explain what the hell happened last night?" Dick looks back at you with the raise of his brows, a look you're kind of tired of receiving. It's always the look of disappointment that makes you feel guilty.

"Well...I just...I just wanted to make sure you weren't gonna attack Jason so I went. And then, uh, I ran into Tim who was following Jason." You explain, earning a look screaming 'told you so' from Dick. "Crane was there first though, picked up a gun, and then he shot us." You look to the floor, your heart still feeling like it's filled with lead at the thought of Tim lying on the ground. "And I told Jason to run when he showed up because I knew you'd blame him because you always do. Took some convincing but he listened and I said I'd talk to you. It was all Crane. Not Jason." You nod your head once. "Then...I just-just couldn't do so I left and walked around. I ended up at Jason's a couple hours ago."

Dick nods his head with understanding. As much as he would appreciate you listening to him every once in awhile, he's starting to accept that you're going to do what's best for you and Jason regardless on what he says. Some part of him might find some part of that at least admirable. At least someone here has some loyalty, even if it ends up hurting the Titans. Most of him is still annoyed though and really wants you to understand that what he does and says is for everyone's best interest. Jason included most of the time. But, he is glad you're okay.

"So Crane shot the both of you because you were there?" Dick asks for clarity.

"Basically. I think he really just wants me dead but Tim was there. Which, uh...h-how is-is he?" You ask, dodging Dick's face.

"I don't know." Dick answers honestly. "He had a pulse when the ambulance took him."

"Cool." You nod softly, knowing you'll need to find your way to the hospital or Excellent Gotham later to find out how he is. "So, um...Jason's still on our side, by the way."

"Are you sure?"

You nod. "Yeah, Crane shot me and tried to kill me." You offer a wide smile. "He's a dead man walking now." You offer a chuckle. "So, he's working with Crane now to try and find out what his next step is. Poisoning the water system can't be his only plan, especially with that video. Jason wasn't gone long enough to have shit to do with it so he's got something else planned and Jason's going to try and get it out of him by pretending to be on his side."

Dick pauses, squinting his eyes at you before he looks back to the monitor. He doesn't like it because he's not sure they can trust Jason. You can all you want. You haven't been Jason's target the last two weeks. But, if this works, at least they have someone on the inside.

"What makes you think Crane will believe Jason is still with him?" Dick asks. "If you've been someone Crane has wanted dead and Jason refused, why would that suddenly change?"

"Because Crane is an arrogant ass." You quip right back. "He already had that video ready to go. He knew Jason would come back to him regardless. Though, I think he might have thought I'd die and I didn't. But, with the video up, I think Crane thinks he still has Jason. Also, Jason is more than willing to convince him just to tear him down later. Revenge is great motivation." You nod your head with confidence.

"Right." Dick nods his head, looking a bit displeased with your last words. "Alright, fine." Dick agrees knowing having Jason not trying to kill them is a lot better than nothing. "Where does that leave you then? I need to know where you plan to stand with everything that's happening."

"Since Crane grouped me with you guys, I'm with you and yes, I will listen." You roll your eyes.

"Yeah, I've heard that before." Dick snarks back.

"Yeah." You laugh softly. "Well, I'm with you guys. Gotta be anyway. Gotta make Crane think me and Jason are on opposite sides." You shrug your good shoulder.

Dick nods softly. "Alright." He clears his throat. "You're gonna stick with Gar this time."

"Stick with Gar." You echo.

"Good." Dick nods his head, grabbing his jacket from the chair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." You nod your head quickly. "Uh...Jason helped. He, uh, he got the bullet out and everything so I'm good." You offer him a thumbs-up with a closed-mouth smile.

"Okay, good. I'm glad you're okay." Dick nods once. "I'm going to meet with Babs, the Titans are on their way back. Stay here until they get back and fill them in."

"Will do, Dickolas." You nod your head once, sucking in a breath before Dick shakes his head and heads out of the Batcave.

When the Titans get back, you fill them in just as Dick asked you to. They aren't too happy about being pulled out from the streets but they also understand Dick's point of view of the situation. Everyone just hopes his meeting with Babs is to think of some sort of plan to get the city back. So, while you all wait for Dick to get back and tell you the next move, Gar shows you some of the things he's found about the Lazarus Pit including Bruce's notes about Ra's al Ghul. It doesn't say where the Pit is. It does say there are more but Bruce had sealed most of them off. That's all Gar really got so the two of you dive in to find out if you can find out how Ra's made it and what else it could be used for. It doesn't sit right with either of you that Jason was brought back to life using the Pit but no one even knows where it is or how it works or how it was created. So, you search as you wait.

When Dick comes back, he gathers everyone in the living room for a meeting. He stands in front of the main living area while everyone is scattered around, standing and waiting for what he has to say. Dick then explains that him and Babs think it's in everyone's best interest if the Titans turn themselves in. The room falls deadly silent with his words, everyone mostly looking at each other before looking back to Dick. According to Dick, it's for the best and it'll be just a show.

"So, we turn ourselves in and then what?" Gar asks.

"And then we post bail." Dick says. "Continue doing our work but in a less public way. Work in the shadows. Take the city back night by night. It's not gonna be easy and it's not gonna be fast but we can do it. If you have a better idea, please now's the time." Dick gestures a hand to the room before crossing his arms.

"They hate us." Gar says softly, voice etched in hints of defeat.

"They've been manipulated into hating us by Crane." Kory corrects.

"Y/n, Conner, Blackfire, what do you think?" Dick asks.

"It was brutal out there. I don't want to be looked at like that again." Conner says, his voice almost matching Gar's.

"Well, surrender isn't my thing. But I am used to people looking at me like I'm a monster so whatever you all decide on, I'm in." Blackfire states.

You hang your head and you think it's a horrible idea. You trust Babs, absolutely but there are parts of the GCPD that have been corrupt long before and long before her dad and long before Barnes. It doesn't matter how good someone's intentions are in the GCPD because there are always others within the PD who don't care about the greater good or what's good for even themselves. If anyone should know that, it should be the former detective. Does Dick really think him and Babs can just protect all of you? If people in the GCPD were corrupt before, they're going to be corrupt now. Crane got the entire city to hate all of you with one video, how do you all know Crane doesn't have eyes in the department?

"I think it's a bad idea." You say quietly.

"You weren't out there." Conner states.

"No, I know." You nod your head. "And I don't care if people look at me like that. They look anyway." You say softly, tugging your sleeve over your hands. "I just...we trust Babs but does Babs trust every single person in the department?" You look back at Dick.

"We won't be dealing with everyone. It'll be a select few to put on a show, make it seem legit." Dick explains. "You're just coming to our side. It's up to you if you want to go through with this."

You look to Gar and maybe it's against your better judgment but they are your friends, your family. You've done everything to protect Jason and it seems like that might be fixing itself now. Which means you need to fix your own relations with the Titans. And that, for you, means following Dick even if you think it's a bad idea. Plus, you really need to sell you being with the Titans, at least for Jason's own safety against Crane. You don't want him getting wind of Jason not actually being on his side.

"No, I'll do it." You nod your head, earning a quick look from Gar, surprised you agreed. "You just have to be sure this is going to be safe. I trust Babs. I don't trust any other person in that entire department."

"Why not?" Conner asks.

You look to Conner and you don't want to burst his bubble into trusting this plan. You will happily pop the bubble of police for him later. "Just don't." You keep it short.

"It'll be safe." Dick assures you.

"Alright then." You agree.

"Kory?" Dick asks.

"We've played it by the book so far and this is where it's led us. So, maybe you're right. Maybe we try a new way. I'm in." Kory says.

"Alright then, let's suit up." Dick states. "We go in together. As a team. As a family."

While Dick was busy talking with the Titans about turning yourselves in, Jason is the one who started to panic with pure rage. After Jason's managed to convince Crane that they're still good and Jason agrees with him, Crane got word from one of his moles in the department. The commissioner is setting up for the Titans to be "arrested" and then let you all post bail. The commissioner is in on it but Crane was prepared for that. The commissioner has always had a hand in helping Batman and company. So, when Crane gets word, he sends Jason with a bag full of money to pay this mole off with several of the other cops who ride with him to take in the Titans. Override the commissioner. Bring the Titans to Crane.

If Crane gets the Titans, with everything in the Batcave, that's where Jason's worry comes in. The Titans still stand a good chance but if Crane gets all of these guys to go with him and given how unlucky the Titans have been lately, Jason is growing more and more concerned. If Crane has the Titans, the city goes to Hell. It will be destroyed. Jason doesn't know what else Caane is planning but he does know whatever it is, it's not for the greater good of the city. So, he does what Crane asks him, hoping he'll be able to call the Titans to call it off. Maybe Dick will say the others didn't want any part of it. Or maybe you will back out of it if you even agreed to it in the first place and then you and Jason can figure something out. So, once the deal is done and the plan is set into motion, Jason calls you.

But, as his own luck would have it, you don't answer. It rings and rings and then just goes to voicemail. His best guess? Dick has already set the plan into motion with all of you and you're preparing to turn yourselves in. You're going to side with Dick to make this whole thing believable even though Jason figures you're against this whole plan. You're too smart to fall for something like this. You'll go overprepared but you'll be the only one. So, Jason keeps calling, desperate to warn you and he tries Dick but that goes to voicemail, too. He tries Gar and nothing. None of you are answering your phones which leaves him two choices.

Keep trying until one of you picks up and hope for the best. Or, he can go to GCPD himself to try and warn you -- or help if he's too late.

Once all of you are suited up and ready to go, Dick goes over the plan one more time just for extra clarity to make sure everyone is on the same page. All of you are going to pile into some SUVs, ride over, walk in, and then Babs will take it from there having you all be fake processed and the bail will be fake. Then, all of you get to go right back to the manor. In and out. It seems simple but no part of this has been simple. But, none of you argue. All of you nod along and once it's time, you pile into the SUVs just as Dick said.

You hop into the SUV with Gar, Conner, Blackfire, and Krypto while Kory and Dick take the other SUV. Krypto sits in between you and Gar in the back while Conner drives and Blackfire takes passenger. You find yourself watching the city pass by on the drive, your stomach twisting into knots. The last time you were arrested, you ended up with Jerry. This whole thing just seems like such a bad idea. And if it is and you have to fight back, that's even worse. That's just a bigger target on your backs if you can get out of there in one piece. There just had to be another way to win the city back. The city wasn't always on Batman's side.

"On Tamaran, it is called The Pit." Blackfire starts, pulling you from your thoughts. "It's dark. So dark, you cannot even see your hand." She explains, making you and Gar both look to your hands and then at each other.

Conner picks up her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. "It isn't like that here." Conner says. "Right?" Conner looks in the rearview mirror for reassurance from Gar and you.

"Right." Gar starts. "I-it's totally not like that. It's gonna be fine." Gar offers a smile but you swear it's incredibly unconvincing. "Dick and Barabara have a plan. We're just going to go in and out. This is really just all for show." Gar explains, looking to you for reassurance. And now you just think he's trying to convince himself.

"Yeah, it's really not like that." You add in. It isn't like The Pit. It's not great and it sucks. There is a lot of unfairness and cruelty but it's not The Pit. And you think telling Blackfire everything about the corruption among the GCPD, probably won't help the situation. "I've been for real arrested once. It's not like The Pit." You explain, omitting every other detail.

"We'll be together the whole time. I've got you." Conner assures Blackfire with a calm but firm tone. "I promise." He glances over to her with a soft smile as you catch him squeeze her hand.

You smile softly because for all anyone knows, this isn't going to work out. Nothing has gone to plan but Conner still offers reassurance anyway and it's kind of sweet to watch. Gar offers a chuckle, catching the smile on your lips. It earns him a light shove with the roll of your eyes. It's just nice seeing the two of them unbothered by everything that's happening. It's maybe even a little cathartic in a weird way.

Within a few more minutes, both SUVs pull up to the back of the GCPD. There are snipers on the roof and several GCPD officers standing guard with full swat gear outside of the doors. This is supposed to be for show but you're really not buying it. This is a lot of people for something that's supposed to be fake.

Everyone starts to get out of their vehicles, you meeting up with Gar in the front of the SUV.

"You okay?" Gar whispers. "I mean, we trust Barbara." Gar nods his head, his brows raised as if looking for some form of reassurance from you. This isn't sitting right with him either.

"Yeah." You shake your head, eyeing one of the snipers on top of the roof. There are ten total and you start to think of an exit strategy to avoid them or take them out on your way if it comes to it. "If shit goes south, get out of here immediately. I'll be right behind you and stay close to the building until you reach the back alley. Less light and I didn't see snipers over there." You whisper back, pulling your attention right back to Gar.

Gar gulps, looking up at the roof where the guns are pointed right at you. "That wasn't reassuring." Gar almost whines as he looks back to you.

"Wasn't supposed to be." You shake your head, as you chew the inside of your cheek before you start walking. Gar follows right behind you until he's walking side-by-side.

The two of you fall in line right behind Kory and Dick while Conner, Blackfire, and Krypto follow Gar and you. As you all make your way to the entrance, every single person with a gun, trains their weapons on all of you. The Titans are the targets and these people are just waiting for the signal to start shooting. That's what it feels like. Being a vigilante is illegal, technically, but this is...a lot.

"This seems excessive." Kory states as all of you enter the building, passing by even more men with guns and swat gear.

"Barbara cleared it with me." Dick states. "It's all for show. They need to stand their ground." Dick states and you roll your eyes. Basically, they need to stroke cops' egos. What else is new?

"This is just optics, right?" Gar asks Dick, the growing pit in his stomach is starting to bubble. Gar doesn't normally second guess Dick's plans but tonight, he is. This seems wrong.

"Optics." Dick confirms calmly.

The Titans stand on the main level, looking up to the second floor where Babs and one of her right hands is standing beside her looking over the railing. There are cops on all sides of you and above you, covered in their swat gear with shields. Dick can say it's optics all he wants but you're getting a really bad feeling about this one. And then Blackfire bumps into you, making you and Gar turn around. One of the cops, used his shield to bump her and Conner used his superspeed to immediately be at Blackfire's side.

"Back off." Conner threatens, standing toe-to-toe with the cop that shoved her.

This is bad.

This is bad.

This is about to be really, really bad.

You look around as the cops start to slowly close in on all of you. This is not good. If this is optics and a show, they've done it. The show has been shown and it's time to get the hell out of here and finish the plan. There is no reason for them to be approaching the Titans. Not if they're on Barbara's side.

Dick sticks out of his hand, easing them away but it's not working. They're not going to listen to him. They just keep closing in with their shields and weapons pointed right at all of you. The Titans might not be here for a fight, but very clearly, the GCPD definitely is.

"Easy. We're not here for a fight." Dick states, keeping his voice calm but stern as to not piss anyone off.

"Move in." One of the men up top states, demanding the entire room.

Everything falls into slow motion as you look up to him, the other Titans and Barbara doing the same. It's as if everything starts to crumble at your feet. You are severely outnumbered and outgunned. This was a bad idea and you knew it was. It shouldn't have been but no one can trust people outside Barbara. That's how it is and now you're all trapped in this mess.

The cops start to close in, shoving all of the Titans. They try to shove you into smaller sections in order to separate you but you stand in between Gar and Dick as your hands form into fists. Your eyes scan the room quickly and there are fewer men up top. You could get up there and escape pretty easily with the grappling hook.

"Stand down!" Barbara yells but they aren't listening. They don't work for her anymore.

"There." You whisper to Gar, looking up to the second floor. "When you get the chance, get up there."

"What?" Gar questions quickly.

"They'll be too distracted by what's happening on the floor. You can get up there easily as a tiger and I can follow you." You nod your head once at him, reaching for a knife from your utility belt as you prepare for your own opening the second things start to turn violent.

This isn't going to be peaceful. Gar sees the knife in your hand, your hand gripping it tightly and he wonders when you became so prepared for everything to go south. He wonders if it's just trauma build-up like a clogged artery preparing for a heart attack or if this is a Bruce thing or maybe even a Jason thing. You never came here with any form of optimism.

Conner holds some of them off while others start to crowd Gar and you. Dick is entirely covered in cops before he shoves them off of him but then a gunshot rings out through the GCPD, Conner stopping the bullet with his hand. You, Gar, and Kory look over just in time to see the cop fire a second bullet and this time, it hits Blackfire.

"No!" Kory yells.

And that's when all hell breaks loose. Conner starts attacking the cop that shot Blackfire while the other cops jump in to attack the rest of you. Three go for you but you're quicker than they are, already having your free hand glow at your side. They're covered in protective gear and with the shield, you know you're not going to make any good shots with a knife. Desperate times, desperate measures. So, you pocket the knife and your other hand glows before you shoot acid at one of the men and the shield starts to melt. The other men keep coming closer, you punching and kicking them before you touch them with your hands, the acid melting right through their uniforms as they let out blood-curdling screams. The fabric and plastic becomes burned into their skin, sending them to the ground in agonizing pain.

Once those men are down, you jump in to help Gar so he can transform. You distract them and fight them until Gar jumps from behind you and then in front of you, fully turned into a green tiger. You can feel the bullet wound slowing you down. It's aching and throbbing, taking more of your energy you could really use right about now. And you swear you can feel blood leaking from the wound and down your arm as you land a right hook to one of the cops. That's when you hear that same guy above you, telling his men to shoot Gar.

"You gotta get out of here." You urge, shooting a hand full of acid at another man and melting his shield.

But, it's too late, as Gar defends himself, a tranquilizer is shot right out at him and he lets out a growl in response. This is just like the tower. Outnumbered. Outgunned. Even with the other Titans, you don't stand a chance. You can hear the other Titans fighting, getting a glimpse of the fire coming from Kory and Dick and Conner fighting hard. All of you need to get out of here.

"Go!" You point to the top, right where the man is. "Go, I'll be right behind you." You hold off the other men, giving Gar time to jump to the second level and head towards the exit.

You follow him, shooting your grappling hook to the top. The man pulls out his gun just as you reach him. With your feet planted on the floor, you put your hands up, the throbbing the front of your head echoing like a beating drum. He cowered when Gar jumped up here. You are fully confident even with a bum shoulder you could wrestle that gun from him with ease.

"Put the gun down!" You hear Barbara yell and that's when his eyes dart to her for just a second, giving you the perfect opportunity.

You lunge forward, grabbing the gun and then his wrist, twisting his arm. You squeeze and turn, just as Jason had taught you in several of your training sessions and then he drops the gun. You grab it before he even has a chance and you turn the gun on him.

One pull of the trigger and he's dead. That's all it would take. And you're ready to do it. All of the fighting is happening below you and yeah, maybe this guy is just under Crane's shit. But, you're really sick of it. He's not high. He's not drugged. He didn't have to join Crane but he did and he just got Gar shot. It feels like minutes as you almost debate shooting him at point-blank range but it's been five seconds. Five seconds for Barbara to realize you might not back down. Five seconds for the shooter behind you to aim his own gun at your back, kickstarting the throbbing in the back of your head.

"Bluejay!" Barbara yells and you grit your teeth.

Fine.

You spin around, aiming the gun at the shooter's leg and shoot just once. It sends him to the ground and then you take off, not leaving the gun behind. You're real sick of people hurting the people you care about. He was going to shoot you on your way out anyway. Do or die. Kill or be killed.

You find Gar outside, limping as the tranquilizer is starting to take effect. He's not going to make it far and Sam needs to find somewhere for him to go. There has to be somewhere near here. And that's when she realizes...Gar isn't shot. Besides the tranquilizer. Sam looks up, not seeing a single sniper or cop on the roof and then she looks around the parking lot, not seeing anyone here either.

What the fuck?

That's weird given how many were here when the Titans arrived. That also cannot possibly be good. You roll your eyes and decide you both just need to get out of here and you'll find somewhere on the way. There's a tunnel entrance not far and you're pretty sure you and Gar can hide there until you think of a better place.

"Follow me, we're gonna go to the tunnels." You whisper to him as the two of you head for the alley that leads out to a side street.

The two of you run off to the alley, Gar slower than usual and your cape flowing behind you. Your shoulder is aching and you can feel the adrenaline wanting to crash. You're certain now that it's bleeding and your hand is shaking. Your entire arm is shaking. Gar isn't the only one who needs to take a breather.

The two of you exit through the alley and make your way on a sidewalk. You know if you take the sidewalk down to the intersection, you can cross over and head into an alley on that side of the street. The tunnel entrance will only be a block away and you'll be on the right side of the street.

But just as you and Gar go to walk past an alley right before the intersection, your head throbs from the side right before someone grabs your arm, yanking you into the alley. You fight back until the person spins you around and then you stop as relief comes over you.

"It's me. It's fine." Jason urges through the helmet just as Gar walks into the alley having seen you get grabbed by Jason.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You spit back.

"You guys have to get the fuck off the streets. They'll be looking for you. Come with me." Jason urges you and Gar, trying to walk past but you and Gar block him.

"Answer me, Jason." Your eyes are narrowed at him and without seeing your mouth, Jason knows you're gritting your teeth behind the mask.

"I'll explain but let me get you guys somewhere safe first. You think those snipers just went on a fucking coffee run?" Jason quips back making you look to the Gar. Gar shakes his head and you let out a breath.

"You?" You ask, your eyes narrowing. How the fuck did he know to be there?

Jason nods. "Let's go before they show up." Jason's voice is stern and almost forceful as he walks past them.

Jason leads the two of you across the street and down a different alley. You exclusively take alleys and you're just relieved they clearly used a tranquilizer that wasn't as potent as the one CADMUS used. Gar is still slowing down but he's at least awake. But, you're still stuck trying to figure out how Jason knew and why he didn't do anything about it. You were all just attacked and you all could have been killed. He knew though. Pretending to be with Crane doesn't mean screwing the Titans over. You know there is probably an explanation but right now, you're pissed off and scared and in pain.

You reach an abandoned building and Jason opens the door in the back for the three of you. The three of you make your way upstairs and into a room with boarded-up windows. This place doesn't have any type of belongings but you're willing to bet Jason is hoarding the place. Jason would probably never not have a place to go after everything. Gar practically collapses on the floor before he starts to transform back into himself.

"Sleep it off. I'll wait until things calm down and I'll go looking for Dick and Kory, okay?" You crouch down to Gar as you put a hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?" Gar gets out with a labored breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Better at this now." You offer a nod and if Gar weren't so exhausted from the tranquilizer, he'd be worried about why you're suddenly better at it. Maybe Gotham does change people. It's something Dick warned the Titans about. Gotham eats people alive.

"Are you sure?" Gar's words start to slur together just a little.

"Yeah." You nod your head and offer him a soft smile. "Just...sleep, okay? I'll find you clothes, too."

Gar's face starts to burn. "Okay." Gar nods his head, plopping down on the floor as the tranquilizer finally kicks in entirely.

"Here." Jason offers a blanket of some sort and you use it to cover Gar before you get to your feet.

"He'll be out awhile." You say softly, a sadness coating your words.

There's almost a numbness that's coming with this territory. You wonder if this is how Bruce has done it for so long, maybe that's why Bruce is the way he is. His parents were killed in front of him and then...here he is. Batman, vengeance. Maybe in order for him to be Batman, he has to be numb to it, to the pain of what comes with being a hero. Maybe he's let some of that numbness leak into his personal life and that's why he was the way he was with Dick and why he tried to be better with Jason but still failed. You wonder if he just numbs it all in order to keep going. And maybe that's not entirely Bruce's fault. Because you don't want to be numb about everything.

The pain is the worst part but outside of pain, Bruce seems to push things away and maybe that's still how he can be Batman. Maybe it wasn't always like that but bad things happen. You don't want that. It's just, you're standing here with Jason and you're annoyed with him but you're not even that mad anymore. You're tired, your shoulder hurts but emotionally, the only thing you really feel right now is worry. Worry for Gar and the Titans. That's it. That doesn't feel too good either.

Jason nods his head before he looks to the floor. He looks back to the window and then to you, nodding his head toward the window. The two of you head over to the boarded window, taking a seat below it. Jason takes his helmet off, resting it beside him as he stretches his legs out in front of him. The white streak flops onto his forehead, you getting the slightest hit of a smile at the sight.

You follow his lead, taking your own mask off as you pull your legs to your chest. You rest your head against the boards, closing your eyes as you take in a breath. Jason watches you carefully, seeing a slight tremor in your hand of the shoulder that was shot as you rest your forearms on your knees. There's a mark near your temple that looks like it might be forming into a bruise. But, that's it. Jason doesn't see anything too bad. GCPD has never been very good at taking out vigilantes. It's not really their thing which Jason is thankful for. But, he really wishes he weren't too late.

It's not his fault. He's trying to work Crane and part of that is still doing his dirty work. He had no choice but the second he could, he tried his absolute hardest to warn the Titans. It just wasn't enough. It's another really hard pill to swallow. Working with Crane is his biggest mistake. Everything is a mess and that, that part is on him. He is desperate for it all just to come to an end.

"Oh, here." You mutter, pulling the gun from your utility belt. You hand it over with caution, Jason noticing the tremor worse as he takes the gun from you. Jason blinks at you and then at the gun, trying to find the right question. "Wrestled it from a piece of shit who caused this shit, shot the piece of shit that shot Gar, then I took it."

Jason shakes his head as his eyes close for a second, growing confused. Desperate times, desperate measures. He entirely understands how you ended up with the gun. That's not really the question he has now. It's you shooting someone. Your hands are shaking and your hands very rarely ever shake after a fight. It's one of the things Jason finds the most interesting. It's your steady hands before, during, and after heavy conflicts. He was like that, too and then Deathstroke happened but now they're shaking a lot. And something looks really wrong which could also just be what happened at the station. But, Jason wonders if it's the use of a gun. You always said you weren't a fan of using them.

"You shot someone?" Jason raises a brow at you as you read the disbelief on his face.

"I mean, yeah? You shoot people." You scoff, looking forward again. "I wrestled the gun away, had it aimed at the guy and Babs yelled at me. So, I turned and shot the guy who was about to shoot me who also shot Gar. Had it in my hand, might as well." You clear your throat, still dodging Jason's stare. "I didn't have a choice. He was gonna shoot me if I didn't do something." You state quietly as you chew the inside of your cheek.

It's really not the gun. The way you see it, it's really not that different than you throwing a knife at someone's head. It kills them all the same. It's not all that different than you throwing a knife at someone's leg. It wounds them all the same. It doesn't matter. It is just everything from the last two weeks. You really hate not having the choice to walk away. You might still pick the violent answer, but you'd like a choice. You would like a choice in the way your life goes.

"Alright." Jason nods his head before he shakes it. "Why the fuck did you take it with you?" Jason asks. You know these guns can be tracked. It's police issued.

"Fuck them." You state. "If I left it, they'd shoot me. So I took it to give to you to get rid of. Or I'll throw it in the Harbor out of spite."

"Right." Jason nods his head. "Shot someone? Using my R blades? Combat? Got a cape? You really are following in my footsteps, huh?" Jason offers you a teasing grin to try and lighten your mood, just a little bit. He just hates seeing you like this.

You narrow your eyes at him but Jason catches you starting to smirk. "You're really good at this." You roll your eyes. "Be stupid not to take notes. That's what you told me to do anyway."

Jason lets out a soft chuckle. "Can't believe you fucking listened."

"Yeah, it is a rarity." You quip before you look at him, lifting your head up. While this is nice discussing your own motives, you'd love to turn it around now. Jason knew to be there and when. That sounds like a problem. "You wanna tell me what the fuck?"

"Crane." Jason lets out a scoff. It's his turn to turn his attention forward. "Had me pay off one of the guys to turn on Babs, turn the whole department. Then, take all of you guys to him." Jason looks back at you, his face reading blatant annoyance.

"And you didn't warn me?" You shake your head in disbelief, the question coming out more as a demand -- an accusation.

"No! I tried! You, Dick, and Gar didn't answer!" Jason defends himself as he turns to face you. "I'd never let you walk in there if I had a choice. I tried. And when I got there, you were already inside. So, took out the snipers." Jason shrugs his shoulders. "The Titans against the GCPD?" Jason lets out a scoff. "I figured you'd all be fine inside but I didn't leave until I saw you and Gar. I was gonna go in to help when I heard the fighting but you and Gar walked out."

You nod your head before you pull out the burner and sure enough, you have three missed calls. That makes you feel a lot better. No part of you ever really believed Jason wouldn't at least try to warn you. You are relieved though, that even when things are messy as all hell, he still has your back. He always did but tonight just feels different.

"Took out?" You raise a brow.

"Knocked them out." Jason nods with a single nod.

"You know they're gonna tell Crane Red Hood got them, right?" You question, wondering how he plans to get himself out of it. And maybe you're a little relieved. You really hate him working with Crane still even if it was your idea.

"Thought of that." Jason says through a chuckle. "Wore a different mask, put on a different hoodie. They won't know any better. I was in and out anyway." Jason offers with confidence, clearly proud to do this work.

You shake your head but give Jason a gentle smile. "Well, thank you for risking it anyway. And for trying to warn us."

"Always." Jason nods his head right back, a toothy smile on display. It's a warm smile this time. "You alright, though?" Jason asks.

"Uh...yeah, I-I uh, I think I'm bleeding again." You state, looking to your shoulder and then back to him.

"Let me see." Jason states, gesturing his hand for you to lean forward.

You lean forward as Jason unzips your suit in the back and pulls down the shoulder part of your suit. Sure enough, the wound has bled through the gauze and there's blood everywhere he can see. Jason's heart jumps to his throat. It's been hours and the wound isn't that bad. For there to be this much blood in such a short amount of time, you had to be fighting like hell to get out of there. And you did it while looking out for Gar. And Jason gets a proud smile.

"What?" You raise a brow at him, wondering why the blood is making him smile.

"Trained you well." Jason states softly, confidence and pride etched into those three words.

"Shut up." You groan. "You would take credit for it." You let out a soft laugh.

"Well, if it weren't for me, you'd get your ass kicked." Jason quips right back. "So...you're welcome." Jason gives you a smirk.

Your eyes narrow before you roll them. "Yes, thank you so much. I would just be in so much distress if not for you. Please, where would I be?!" You fake a loud whine, the sarcasm spilling from your lips.

"Arrested." Jason answers plainly as he blinks at you.

You nod your head. "Fuck you." You shrug as you widen your eyes, earning a laugh from Jason.

"Oh, well in that case, I don't have to help you now. Ya know, if you don't need my help or anything." Jason sits back, his signature smirk crossing his face.

You let out a sigh, giving him a fake glare. "You won't let me bleed out." You state with confidence. "Where would you be without me? I'm the only one who plays your games." You offer him the same smirk.

Jason gives you a single nod. "Because I play yours." Jason quips.

"Which brings us back to you not letting me bleed out." You grin at him.

"You're really confident in that." Jason nods his head, knowing damn well you're not going to bleed out.

"I'm always confident in your abilities to not let something really bad happen to me." You say softly but there's a smirk on your face. It almost reads as a joke but Jason can tell by the sweetness in your voice and how quietly you said it that it's true. Even if you only said it out loud to mess with him.

Jason fake groans. "Alright. Fine." Jason says dramatically. "Guess I'll be fucking nice and help."

"You were going to anyway." You let out a soft laugh that makes Jason's stomach spin.

"Yeah..." Jason says softly, his smile turning soft as he scoots back over to you. "How many you take down anyways?" Jason asks as he pulls the gauze off.

"I lost count." You state. "There were a lot of them though. Uh, one of them shot Blackfire though. I think Kory was trying to get out with her. Dick and Conner were still fighting when we left though."

"I saw them follow you guys out." Jason assures you. "They're alright."

A surprised but kind smile starts to come to your lips. "Did you watch for them?" You ask.

Jason shrugs. "Saw you were alright and Gar, so maybe yeah. I just hung out a minute to make sure the others got out. Kory was with Blackfire and Dick was with Conner and Krypto. Blackfire was the only one who looked hurt." Jason explains as he grabs a gauze pad from his pockets.

"Didn't help though?"

"You know there's no fucking way in hell Kory would have let me." Jason quips back.

"Yeah...." You let out a sigh. "That's probably true." You nod as Jason sticks the gauze pad to the wound. "You just carrying first aid stuff now?"

"Just being prepared." Jason chuckles. "You should be proud." Jason nods up at you once the gauze is stuck and in place. "You should be okay. Here." Jason pulls another gauze pad out. "Just in case."

"Thanks, Jay." You take it, the shaking in your hands not as prominent now.

"You and me." Jason nods once at you with a soft smile before zipping her suit back up.

"You and me." You nod back before putting the gauze pad in your utility belt. "So...Crane has the department?" You clear your throat. It would be easier not to discuss that but you don't have that privilege.

"Yep." Jason shakes his head. "He's got more than that. The video, everyone is falling for his shit. He's gonna try to destroy Gotham." Jason states.

"How?" You ask.

"Taking over everyone and turning everyone against you guys for starters. I don't know what else he has planned. I know it's not fucking good though. He's losing it."

"Fantastic." You roll your eyes.

According to Bruce's file on Crane, this is what always happens. He has a plan and it works well at first but then he starts to crumble, spiral, and it all goes to shit. Crane does try to take people with him though and no one is left unscathed when Crane starts to fall off the deep end. You're getting the feeling this isn't going to end well.

"You, uh, you should probably head out then, right?" You ask cautiously. "Like, if someone sees you with us, leading us here or sees me leave after seeing you leave. That'll be a problem. You know Crane wants the city, so find out how."

Jason grits his teeth and he hates this. It was his idea to go to Crane in the first place and maybe this is just his penance for it. Being forced to work with him not that he wants to kill him. And he hates the idea of leaving you and Gar. The entire city is going to want you dead. The GCPD already tried to turn them in to Crane who would have killed you. You can handle yourselves but anything can happen out there. Worse things can happen though if he doesn't find out what Crane is doing and put a stop to it.

"Yeah." Jason answers shortly. "Alright, yeah." Jason nods his head with a sigh. "Use the burner though, let me know if you find anyone. I'll try to get into the traffic cameras and see if I can locate anyone for you and Gar to get to." Jason explains as he gets to his feet.

"Thanks, Jay." You offer him a soft smile. "We'll be fine." You assure him.

"Right." Jason nods his head, plucking his helmet from the floor. "If shit starts going south--"

"I'll call or text. I got it, Jay. We've been here plenty of times now. Look who's the one worrying now." You scrunch your nose at him, mostly to try and ease some of his worry and hide yours.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Jason lets out a scoff but the corners of his mouth tug up slightly. "Good luck." Jason nods once before he turns and heads out of the room, leaving you alone with an unconscious Gar.

You sit against the window for several hours, just looking through the slats of the window. The city is going to shit. Chaos is already starting to hit the streets. Fires and fights, you can see the few buildings across the street boarding up their windows. Maybe this is what Crane wanted. GCPD is with Crane and Gotham doesn't have any vigilantes to protect it. That's when you start to think how odd this whole thing is.

Bruce ran the city on fear. Fear of the Bat and how he could take down anyone, send them to Arkham but with the insurance policy of making it out alive. It was still fear that kept a lot of people from committing at least serious crimes and it did keep Gotham, at least, somewhat safer with certain things. Crane's entire obsession is with fear. He makes people live out their worst fears. It's what he does but now he's trying to control Gotham by turning everyone against the vigilantes which just makes them unafraid. You aren't sure what that has to do with anything or if it even matters but it's something you can't help but think about it. And you wonder what will happen if it works. What happens if he gets what he wants this time? Where does that leave the Titans? Gotham?

You've never been much of a team player. You've always done better alone or with one person. It's easier that way. You wonder if that's how it should be. You remember when you left the tower and Dick said you could be a Titan again. If you wanted to. But, the more you sit here and think about it, maybe you don't want to. There are too many moving pieces and even though it's not your responsibility, it's too much to have to worry about so many people all at once. And if Dick fucks up, they all die. That's a pretty big burden to carry and you aren't so sure you want that every single day. Maybe to help sometimes, yeah. But, maybe not every day and if Crane wins, this is Gotham. You'll fight tirelessly until it's not his anymore because this city doesn't belong to him. It doesn't belong to anyone like him.

After a few more hours, the sun starts to come up, the gloomy clouds blocking most of the pretty oranges and pinks. You check your phone, only for there to be an x where the service bars are. You try to make a call to Dick but the service is unavailable. Fantastic. Your best guess is this has to do with whatever Crane has coming or the chaos that Gotham is under which means you and Gar are on your own until you're able to find the rest of the Titans. But you can't just sit here for right now.

You still need to grab some sort of food for you both and grab clothes for Gar so while the streets aren't as busy you decide now might be a good time to try and find supplies. The streets aren't as busy as they were earlier and nothing should be open yet. There's a convenience store not far so if you're quick, you could break in, grab what you and Gar need, and be back before anyone spots you. It shouldn't be too hard. So, you grab your mask and make your way to the door Jason let you through last night only to be caught completely off guard as the door swings open.

"Rachel?" You question as you pull your mask off.

Rachel blinks at you a few times before gaining a soft smile. "Hey." She didn't know you even got a suit.

"What the hell are you doing here?" You ask as you tug Rachel inside and close the door behind her.

"I don't know. I just had a feeling I needed to come back." Rachel states, somewhat ominously.

You've never been so relieved to see Rachel. Rachel is literally the daughter of a demon. Based on how Gotham is looking right about now, you might need that. So far, nothing else has worked and Rachel killed her dad. Not to mention, the Titans could really just use some more hands if you stand a chance against the entire population of Gotham City.

"Oh, yeah no we could use some fucking help right about now." You laugh softly.

"Yeah? What is going on?" Rachel looks around the abandoned building, taking notice in how rundown and cold it is. "It's kind of weird out there." Rachel states, remembering how Gotham was before when Dick brought them on the way to San Fransisco.

This is not that Gotham. There are fires in the streets now, people yelling, being more guarded than usual. It's every person for themselves and it's six in the morning. No one should even have enough energy for that now. But, word got out that the vigilantes are gone and the commissioner was arrested. People have really lost it since.

"You haven't talked to anyone right?" You question, remembering Rachel was unreachable to everyone meaning she probably needs a full recap.

"Right, I couldn't really talk to anyone while I was there." Rachel says with hesitance, starting to worry about where this might go.

"Awesome. Jason died." You spit out, ripping the bandaid off.

Rachel coughs. "He what?!"

"Yeah, Joker beat him to death with a crowbar. So, Bruce went and killed the Joker. Fast forward to all the Titans showing up, and surprise, Jason's alive again. Lazarus Pit." You spit it out before Rachel can even ask. "Only he's Red Hood now and he was addicted to a drug made by Jonathan Crane, Scarecrow. That made him fearless which was unpleasant, honestly. So, for the last two weeks, I've been trying to get him clean while he's been trying to kill Dick. And Dick's been trying to capture him. He's clean now and on our side but I got shot and Dick got shot and Gar just got tranquilized last night. Crane is trying to take over the city, he poisoned the water. We were almost all killed last night because of it. It's been a mess." You nod casually as you finish.

"Um..." Rachel tries to find the right words to even process any of that. "I missed a lot." Rachel nods.

"Oh, yeah, welcome to Gotham." You mutter as you lead Rachel up the stairs. "And now, apparently, cell towers are down because I can't get a call out. I have no idea where everyone else is. It's just Gar and me."

"Okay, wait. So, where is everyone else? And where is Jason?" Rachel questions. She could tell that all of the Titans weren't here but she didn't realize you and Gar would be on your own entirely.

"No idea. He's been trying to find out what Crane is planning. He's the only reason any of us got out alive last night. He took out the snipers. As for the Titans, I don't know." You say sadly, sucking in a deep breath. "We got separated and the city went to shit not long after."

"What a mess." Rachel says softly.

"Yeah. Donna?" You ask with hope. If Jason can be brought back, there has to be a way to bring back Wonder Girl.

Rachel shakes her head sadly. "Nope."

You let out a sigh of defeat. "I'm sorry. At least you tried though." You look over to her as you reach the room where Gar is still passed out. "More than what most people would do. There has to be a way though." You assure her.

"Yeah, maybe we should ask Jason how it all works." Rachel says only half joking.

"He doesn't know. I did ask." You let out a soft laugh. "He doesn't even know where it is." You let out a breath. "Anyway, we're hiding here until we figure out what to do and until Gar wakes up." You gesture to the room just as Gar starts to stir awake.

Gar's eyes land on the two of you as confusion wraps itself around him. The last thing he remembers is you and Jason being here. It's fuzzy but he remembers that. The person standing next to you is not Jason though. Jason doesn't normally wear all black. He blinks a few times, trying to get his vision to focus and once it does, he's certain something went wrong.

"Rachel?" Gar asks, eyes still partially closed with sleep while the two of you get closer. "Did I die again or are you really real?"

"Of course I'm real." Rachel says as the two of you crouch down.

"I found her." You state.

"I found you." Rachel looks back at you.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah same thing." You state. "How you feeling?"

"Tired." Gar chuckles. "How did you find her?"

"I could just feel you guys." Rachel states simply. "Your energy. I started at GCPD, ended up here." Rachel explains as she hands Gar his clothes.

The two of you stand up and turn around so Gar can change. You're definitely thankful Rachel was able to grab his clothes because that was one thing you were not confident you could grab. And he can't very well just be out there with a blanket.

"Did you find anyone else?" Gar asks as he gets dressed.

"No, I came here first." Rachel says.

"I actually didn't leave. I opened the door and Rachel was there but cell towers are down so I can't even reach out to try to find them." You roll your shoulders.

"So, now what?" Gar asks once he's fully clothed.

You and Rachel turn around, looking between each other.

"I have no idea." You answer with defeat.

Meanwhile, Crane decides he's earned his right to Wayne Manor. With the Titans out of commission and in hiding, the manor is open. It's safe and it'll be the perfect place for Crane to call home now. It'll make it easier to run Gotham from the Manor, having access to not only the Batcave but everything within the Batcave. And of course, he decided to take Jason with him who's still not liking this whole getting along with him thing when the only thing he wants to do is put a bullet in his head right about now.

With the lines down, it's going to make it that much harder for him to even contact anyone. If Jason does find out what Crane is planning, how is he supposed to find Dick without Crane catching onto what he's doing? This whole plan is a mess and being back at the manor isn't making Jason feel any better. It feels wrong.

This isn't Crane's home. Jason is pissed -- hurt by Bruce but maybe that doesn't mean letting Crane into the manor is a good idea. He's going to take over the place and make it his when he doesn't even belong here. But, Jason is also thinking of how he doesn't belong here either. Bruce abandoned him. This was never really Jason's home anyway. He tried to make it fit, tried to make it stick but it was never really him anyway. The fancy manor, the galas, events, press, money, just having a place to go home to that was safe. Even the training didn't feel like him. He loves it more than words but at the beginning, even that just felt like he was just trying to fill in the shoes that would always be the wrong size. But now, it feels worse. He feels more like he's trespassing. He's not supposed to be alive, let alone here with Crane. In another world, Jason thinks maybe he'd have ditched Crane after being brought back and he would have walked in to find Bruce. Maybe it would be different then.

But, it's not.

"So, this is what a billion dollars gets ya?" Crane asks, standing overlooking the living room. Crane makes his way down into the main living room, examining the curtains on his way down. "Interior designers the world over-exclaimed, meh." Crane shrugs with boredom before glancing to Jason who's still standing on the landing looking over the room. "Alright enough with the whole tortured hero stuff. Come on. We have reached the summit. It's time for us to enjoy the view. I think this calls for some spirits." Crane states as he takes his coat off, tossing it onto the couch before he grabs a bottle of alcohol.

Tortured hero? That's what he thinks the issue is here? Crane's gotten Jason to make a drug, get addicted to it, kill innocent people, turn on everyone who ever cared about him, Crane almost killed you, and is trying to tear down the city. Being this so-called tortured hero is not Jason's issue. Crane is arrogant and delusional. Jason can't tell if he's just doing it on purpose or if he believes any of the shit that leaves his mouth. Crane is selfish and cruel. Jason is kicking himself for not seeing it sooner. Crane doesn't care about anyone or anything besides himself. And Jason's just stuck here playing along.

"Look," Crane states as he uncorks the bottle. "Make a toast. To Batsy." Crane says, pouring himself a glass. "To beating them. To knowing them. To growing them." Crane says as he hands a glass to Jason. Jason takes it, not bothering to start the argument now. "We gotta redecorate." Crane says, looking around. "Starting with this." Crane says as he eyes the large painted portrait of the Wayne's hanging above the fireplace.

Crane pushes a chair in front of the fireplace, using it as a ladder to grab the painting. He places the painting down in front of the fireplace, kicking the chair out of the way. Then he grabs a knife from his pocket, eyeing the painting.

"Actually, you should do the honors." Crane turns around to face Jason, offering him the knife.

Jason walks around the couch, grabbing the knife from Crane before Crane walks to plop himself on the couch. Jason watches him before he looks back to the painting, questioning if he should actually listen to Crane on this one. It feels wrong but he is still really hurt.

"It's time to finally pay back your father for the gifts he's given you." Crane states with ease.

Jason stares at the painting and at first there's a guilt that comes over him. This is of Bruce and his parents. His parents are gone, it's not like this can be replaced. But, the more he stands here, the more he thinks about how badly he's been hurt by Bruce.

Bruce gave him magic by giving him Robin and then he just...ripped it away. He did what everyone always does. Promise him something and then take it away, take from him. He begged him not to give up on him and Bruce did anyway. Bruce gave up on him just like everyone else. He never bothered to try to understand him. Bruce just sent him to Leslie to fix him. And while Jason knows, he is the one that went after the Joker, Bruce didn't do anything about it.

He didn't even realize something was wrong or that something was going on. He should have noticed and he should have tried to help. Based on the context Jason has gotten from you, it does not sound like Bruce was worried and asked you to check on him. You figured it out. Not Bruce, the world's greatest detective. Jason was cooking Crane's drug and seeing Crane and Bruce never once figured it out. You did and while you're good at detective work, Bruce is supposed to be the best. But, when it comes to his own son, he just...failed? Jason swears it was on purpose because how else did he fucking miss it? How did he miss that Jason was struggling so badly? Jason doesn't scream from the rooftops that he needs help but he also makes it obvious in his own way and Bruce missed every single cry for help Jason has ever given him.

Bruce knows Jason's entire past, every piece of it and he will never understand. Jason pushed a serial rapist off a building and all Bruce did was get mad. He never bothered to care to understand Jason's point of view of the situation. Maybe that's just Jason breaking the rules, but it was Bruce's job to try to understand. Jason was just a kid. And he was brutally murdered and it's fine Bruce has a no-kill rule but the way Jason sees it, he should have killed the Joker because the Joker took Jason away from Burce. Jason is Bruce's son, he said so, and he picked him, and yet he's the one that feels left behind and abandoned and damaged. He was never good enough. He was always too much of a bother to try to understand. Bruce only ever wanted to fix him in the way Bruce wanted to fix everyone, make them just like him. But, that doesn't work for Jason and he doesn't think he'll ever be fixed and he's pissed and hurt because he hates feeling broken.

So, he pulls his arm back and starts slicing up the painting with everything in him.

prev. chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag List: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @urmomsgayforme5 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @killxz // @lovefks // @laurelthesimp

#jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x reader #red hood x you #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #dc fanfic #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #dc fanfiction #jason todd rec

[stainedstardom]

The more I’m hearing about the situation in Gaza, the more disgusted and disturbed I am by the sheer, shameless inhumanity Israel displays daily.

Some few out of many, many, many, many exemples of what Israel did so far:

Dumped gallons of salt over water supplies so Palestinian people cannot safely drink from it

Israeli soldiers filmed themselves torturing a disabled man, stealing belongings of deceased and captive Palestinians, mocking and sexually assaulting Palestinian women, and many more

Bombed an entire hospital full of babies. Babies.

Murdered Hadiya Nassar, a Palestinian woman older than their joke of a state, by sniping her off a roof, simply because she stated a fact.

Threw a woman off a 5 story building just because

Kept the dead bodies of Palestinian prisoners on ice so they could serve their full sentences. Even AFTER they died. Some remains kept for up to 40 years. So they wouldn’t return these people to their families

Produced “Dead Palestinian Baby” dolls as a children’s toy. The toy comes with small bags for “limbs”

We must keep in mind that while genocide is entirely a product of politics, and a form of systematic oppression, we are truly witnesses to hatred. THIS is what hatred is, and this is what it does. When someone asks you how hatred looks like, tell them it looks like Israel.

[stainedstardom]

giggles

You don't know me 31

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: suggestive (barley), family drama

I swallowed. I stared at the door as my heart raced back and forth. This was scarier than the first time I came here. I shrugged the bag over my shoulder.

I had no where else to go.

If he didn't let me stay here, I would have to sleep on the street. What if everything was fake and I just imagined it? What if he was ready to be a father, but me showing up with all my shit in the middle of the night would just freak him out?

Hi Dad, I know we just met last week but...can I stay here until further notice?

I didn't know how Nate was going to react. He already felt like I was intruding and now I was physically intruding. I whined as I looked down at my feet, fear and doubt creeping in.

"Don't freak out, Don't freak out. You're fine" I breathed.

If Chris was here I would have just stayed at his house until I worked up the courage to make this step. But Chris wasn't here. He was flying back tomorrow...hopefully. I didn't know. I still haven't heard from him.

More doubt creeped in.

I pulled out my phone from my pocket.

To Chris: 9:35am

Did you sleep okay?

To: Chris 3:09pm

I hope your day’s going good. How is everything with your parents?

To Chris: 7:08pm

I love you

I swallowed turning my phone off and shoving it into my pocket. He's busy. He hasn't been home in almost three years. You're overthinking. He still loves you.

I shook the thoughts out of my mind. One problem at a time Y/n. I shurgged the bag again to keep it from falling. The bag was getting heavy. I had to make a decision soon. Either knock on the door, or sleep on the park bench.

I let out a breath as I walked up to the front door. It was late. Past 12. I didn't know what time James went to bed. Hell, I barely knew anything about him.

I closed my eyes as I raised my fist, knocking. I shifted back on my feet. I looked around, my heart beating out of my chest. I just stood there as the silence came.

"Come on, please" I whispered to myself as I knocked again harder. I tapped my foot against the mat as I waited some more. I almost gave up before I heard a lock turn. I snapped my head up as the door opened.

Please don't be Nate. Please don't be Nate.

I let go of a breath when I saw James.

His eyes full of shock when they landed on me. It looked like I had woken him up, from his sleepy state. The last person he excepted to knock on his door right now was probably me.

"I heard you like the stars" I forced as smile but the tears welded in my eyes as I spoke. His face softened as he saw me start to cry.

"Sweetheart" He breathed opening the door all the way before I pushed forwards dropping my bag and running into his arms in full on sobs.

-

The light flicked on and I looked around. I spun as I looked around. Smaller than my old room, but still perfect all the same. James set down my bag with a thud.

"Is this all you brought?" He asked glancing down at the bag. I left in a rush, I didn't grab anything that didn't have meaning to me in the moment. My hair supplies, shampoo, skincare, and most of my shoes left behind.

I wrapped my arms around myself. "Yeah I--I guess I should have grabbed more stuff" I whispered, suddenly feeling guilty because everything I didn't have, I would have to borrow from him. He wasn't necessarily swimming in money like Scott.

He shook his head. "We'll get you what you need" He nodded. I looked up at him and shook my head. "It's okay. I can...manage" I mumbled. He smiled and tilted his head.

"Do you want to use Nate's three in one shampoo?" He asked smiling. My eyes widened. I think my hair would curl up and fall off. He let out a chuckle once he saw my reaction.

I sighed as I sat down on the bed. The exhaustion of the day washing over me. James stepped towards me before sitting down next to me.

"Can you tell me what happened?" He asked softly. I took in a breath as I forced myself to spill everything that happpend a few hours ago at the dinner table. Once I was done, I felt even more humiliated than I did in the moment.

James pressed his closed hands to his face as we sat there.

"I know it's a lot and if you aren't prepared to take me in---I can totally understand that. I can get a hotel, I have some of my trust fund I can tap into--"

"No, you're staying here" He shook his head glancing at me. "I just--" He shook his head. "Clara must be..." He took in a breath. "A completely different person now" He said looking down at his shoes.

I just watched him. I almost saw the heartbreak in his eyes. The last hope gone of any good that might have been left in my mother. It broke my heart.

"I guess she was never the same without you" I mumbled. I didn't know if it was the right thing to say, but I just said it anyway. He didn't react to my statement as he stood off the bed. I just watched him.

"I bought a three bedroom house for a reason" He stated looking down at me with a small smile. I let the corners of my mouth curl up. "Do you want to stay with me....like full time?" He asked hesitantly. I blinked at him.

I nodded with a small smile. I really didn't have another option, but that didn't matter. My heart grew as I felt the warmth of this home. It felt like a home. Something I never felt before.

"You can pick out some stuff online that you want in your room. I know it's bland right now. I'm sure there's some stuff you would like to hang up" He glanced around.

I shook my head. "I just want the stars from my bag" I motioned. He glanced down at the bag before looking up at me.

"But a few poster and maybe some flowers wouldn't hurt?” I said glancing around. “Nothing super expensive I promise" I shook my head. He smiled and shook his head.

"Go to bed" He chuckled shaking his head. I smiled before kicking off my shoes. He turned and made his way towards the door.

"Dad?" I breathed. He froze for a second, from the obvious unuse of the nickname, but turned and looked at me. "What about Nate? Is he gonna be angry?" I whispered. He blinked at me before he shook his head.

"Let me worry about Nate. I'm not leaving you out on the street because Nate's mad" He smiled shaking his head. I smiled before nodding as he exited the room.

-

"She doesn't have anywhere else to stay?"

I froze at the stop of the staircase, as my hand gripped the railing.

"Nate, she's your sister. She's staying with us. End of discussion" James snapped. I stepped down, the creaking from the step stopping the voices. I peeked my head into view and they were both looking at me.

"Good morning" James smiled brightly. I smiled softly before looking over to Nate. He rolled his eyes before looking back down at the plate in front of him. I swallowed as I hesitantly walked over to them.

"You're all prettied up, where are you off to?" James said noticing my outfit and makeup and the fact that it was only 8am. I cracked my knuckles as I stood there.

"Uhm" I cleared my throat. "The airport, Chris is suppose to fly in today" I nodded. Nate looked up at me. James raised his eyebrows. "Suppose to?" He asked. I nodded.

"His flight’s suppose to. I just don't know if he'll be on it" I felt the clench in my chest. I looked down at my feet as the nerves crept in. "He hasn't talked to me since he left" I whispered, not even knowing if they could hear me. If I'm being honest it was embarrassing to admit.

"Has he called you Nate?" James asked looking down at him. Nate looked up before he shook his head. I nodded. Okay, that made me feel a little bit better.

"I'm going with Dan to the airport, and he's about to be here...So, I'll leave you guys be" I nodded at them as I walked towards the front door still hearing the pounding in my ears from my heart racing.

-

Dan was waiting in the car as my eyes scanned everyone that exited the terminal. I tapped my foot against the ground. "Come on Chris" I whispered to myself, earning some concerned glancing from those rolling past me with suitcases.

I gave them a nervous smile when we made awkward eye contact. I swallowed as I moved my vision around people.

Please have gotten on the plane.

I took in a breath and looked down at my feet. If he didn't get on the plane, Y/n you have to be okay. You will have to be okay. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I snapped my head back up, searching the crowd.

I looked down at my phone. No new messages sent or recieved since Friday. I sighed and shoved my phone into my pocket as the people thinned. There weren't that many exiting anymore.

If he doesn't show. You have to be okay.

I glanced up before seeing a boy with light brown hair round the corner. My heard dropped before his head turned to me and I saw his icey blue eyes. I felt myself jerk forward but I froze myself.

Don't act too excited to see him. Don't be that girlfriend. Don't sway his decision.

I swallowed and gave him a small smile befroe planting my feet. He stood there and just looked at me for a second before smiling and walking slowly over to me. I felt my heart beat against my chest with every step he took.

My mind screaming. He's here. He's here. He's here. He came back.

He paused right in front of me.

"How was the flight?" I whispered. He dropped his bag next to him before bending down and picking me up off the ground and wrapping his arms around my back, pressing his face into my neck.

"I missed you" He breathed, leaving my other question unanswered as I hovered off the ground from his embrace. I melted against him as I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hugged me.

"I missed you" I breathed. He held me for a few more seconds before placing me back on the ground and pressed his hands to my face. I smiled up at him.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. He smiled before nodding and pressed his lips to mine. "I'm okay" He whispered against my lips making my cheeks pink.

"Okay" I mumbled back with a smile. He pulled back before leaning down and picking up his bag and grabbing my hand and interlacing our fingers.

"You missed a lot" I mumbled looking in front of me as I drug him towards the exit. He glanced down at me. "I was gone for 2 and a half days. How much could I have possibly missed?" He chuckled. I glanced up at him and he stared down at me.

"You have no idea"

-

"James" Chris nodded at my father. James narrowed his eyes at him. Chris looked from me to him. "What are your intentions with my daughter?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Dad" My eyes went wide. Chris chuckled next to me and looked up at James. "James, you've known me since I was 16" Chris smiled. James looked unimpressed.

"It's Mr. Doe to you" He said. Chris rolled his eyes as he reached down and pulled me into him. "Oh, alright" He chuckled, his arms snaking around my waist. I smiled as I laid my head against his chest, taking in his scent that I missed so much.

Chris's embrace hasn't left me since he saw me in the airport. At least one ounce of his skin had to be touching mine, and if it wasn't he fixed it immediately.

I haven't had the chance to ask him what went down in Boston yet. He hasn't said anything, and If i'm honest? I'm scared to provoke him on it. I don't know if I even want to know.

James glanced down to his arm around me before looking back up at Chris.

"I don't like you"

"James, you love me"

He glanced between us.

"Then I don't like this" He motioned between us. I chuckled pressing my face into Chris's chest.

"Now you know how I feel" Nate mumbled from the kitchen table. Chris's eyes glanced over to him before I felt his embrace leave mine.

I accepted it, even though selfishly, I wanted to pull his arm back and whine like a child. But, I held my composure.

I missed my boyfriend. I hadn't seen him in days.

Nate's eyes followed Chris's until he was standing next to him.

"Get up" Chris stated down at him. Nate glared at him. "What?" He mumbled. Chris smiled and pulled out his keys. "Get up, and give me a hug" Chris chuckled. Nate's face twisted.

"We don't hug" Nate shook his head. Chris reached down before pulling him out of his seat and pulling him into a hug. Nate struggled before accepting it and softly patting Chris's back.

I looked up at my dad before smiling.

"I'm wondering who's really dating Chris sometimes" I whispered, making James chuckle. Nate heard us before pushing off Chris and shaking his head.

"Alright, we're gonna head out" Chris stated looking at me and James. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Where are we going?" I asked. Chris smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"Not you, Me and Nate. We're going to the rink" Chris smiled down at me. Nate's eyebrows furrowed. "What?" Nate asked. Chris turned and jinggled his keys.

"You coming or not?" Chris asked. Nate froze for a second before he smiled. "Y-Yeah let me just get my sticks" He smiled before pushing off the table and walking towards the stairs. I smiled as I finally saw Nate in a happy mood as he walked up the steps.

I looked up at Chris raising my eyebrows before he rolled his eyes and leaned down, pressing his lips to my ear.

"Give me a few hours and I promise you won't be able to get rid of me even if you tried" He whispered. I felt a blush come across my face and I smiled up at him nodding.

I trusted him. He needed to sort things out with Nate, first and foremost. I got that.

I looked up at my dad who was still glaring at Chris.

"James! My man, do we have to do this whole I'm-dating-your-daughter-thing now? Or can we go back to I-drink-beer on-your-back-porch-bros kinda dynamic?" He smiled placing his hand on my dad's shoulder.

"You do what?"

"I'm ready!" Nate announced from the top steps. I muffled a laugh as he raced down the steps like a kid on Christmas. Chris leaned off James and walked towards the door.

"I'll be over later my love" He kissed my cheek. I smiled and waved him off.

"No you won't" James glared at him as Chris smiled and winked at him and Nate and him made his way to the front door. I let out a breath as the door closed.

"Are you on birth control?"

My eyes widened as I looked back to my dad. "What?" I breathed my face turning red as he looked down at me. He let out a breath and closed his eyes as he walked off.

"I don't like this. I do not like this" He mumbled as he walked down the hall.

-

A few hours later, Nate and Chris came back. Sweaty.

I tried not to drool too hard over it in front of Nate because I don't want him to be any more uncomfortable than he already is from the fact that I'm dating his best friend.

"Hi" Chris smiled as he opened the door, freshly showered. "Hi" I smiled as he walked out of bathroom and down to where I was standing in the hallway.

He reached down before grabbing my hips and pressing his lips to mine. I smiled as I kissed him back passionatly.

"Can I not be safe in my own house anymore?" Nate's voice rang as he stepped out of his room. We broke apart and turned to look at Nate from the sound of his voice.

I chuckled as Chris bent down, wrapping his arms around me and burring his face into my neck, smiling.

"Have you met my friend Sydney? She's newly single" I sang looking at Nate. He rolled his eyes. "I have and she's exactly like you, i'm not interested." He growled.

Chris lifted his head. "You only said that because she's taller than you" Chris chuckled. Nate glared at him. "I'll tell her you said she's hot" I smiled at Nate.

"No! Don't" Nate snapped. I raised my eyebrows and looked up at Chris. Chris smiled. "Someone's got a crush" Chris mumbled.

"No I don't! You guys are ugh-" He stopped off and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door. Chris and I laughed before he let go of me and dragged me into my room.

I smiled as he closed the door. I reached up, running my hands through his hair. "You smell good" I whispered. He smiled. "Yeah?" He whispered. I nodded as I leaned up and pressed my lips to his softly.

The door swung open.

I pulled away and stepped back from Chris.

"This door stays open when he's here" My dad stared back at me. My eyes widened and I nodded as he opened the door slightly. He narrowed his eyes at Chris.

"Aw come on James. You don't trust me?" Chris smiled. James glared at him. "I trust you as much as I trusted myself at your age. The door stays open" James let go of the handle and stepped back. Chris rolled his eyes.

"We'll just have to start going to my house" Chris whispered.

"I heard that" James's voice rang through the hallway. My eyes widened and I hit Chris's chest.

"Chris. You can't make him hate me" I mumbled. Chris rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand pulling me over to my bed.

"He can't hate you, you're his daughter" He chuckled as we both fell against the bed. I sighed. "Well, don't make him hate you" I stated. Chris rolled his eyes.

"He couldn't hate me if he tried" He smiled confidently. I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Plus Nate brings girls over here all the time, he never makes him leave the door open" Chris shook his head.

"I'm his daughter, it's different"

"It's still sex"

"I don't---" I cringed. "I don't want to imagine my brother having sex, please stop" I shook my head. He smiled and grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him.

"I really missed you" He whispered staring down at me. I smiled and leaned my head against the pillow.

Did I want to ask about what happened in Boston? I think he could see the discomfort on my face, because he sighed.

"I'm sorry I ignored you when I was in Boston. I just-" He shook his head. I squeezed his hand. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Chris. I understand" I whispered. He shook his head.

"You deserve an explaination" He stated. I swallowed and nodded. He laid down looking up at my ceiling and smiled, lifting his arm.

"You brought the stars" He pointed out. I smiled down at him.

"It was the first thing I grabbed"

He turned his head and looked at me.

God, we had a lot to talk about.

[stainedstardom]

INSANITY

You don't know me 30

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: family drama, sad

This was awkward.

No this wasn't awkward. This was painful.

I chewed the food slowly in my mouth as I kept glancing from my plate to my mother.

"Thank you, you can go" My father said to Moria, our kitchen staff, as she set down the rest of the brie. She looked up at him before nodding and walking out of the dining room. I just watched her as she left.

Silence again.

There wasn't even awkward small talk between my parents. Just silence. I smacked my lips.

"Another family dinner.” I hummed looking at my plate. The second one of…my entire life? “If you're not careful I'll be expecting family vacations soon" I chuckled and looked up at Scott. He didn't laugh, nor smile.

I bit my tonuge, the effort to lighten the mood did not work. I looked up at my mother who picked up her wine glass and brought it up to her lips. I looked back down at my plate.

"You've been at the house quite a lot these past few days" Scott stated. I looked up at him. I opened my mouth and looked back down. "Yeah" I agreed with a small nod.

He looked down at his food, scrapping his fork against the plate.

"You're not seeing that Sturniolo boy anymore?" He asked. I glanced up at him. We held eye contact.

I didn't know if I should question the fact on why he knows about Chris and I, or if I should just answer the question.

"Um" I looked down, his gaze being too much. "I am, he's just in Boston right now visiting family" I mumbled. Scott hummed. Why was I nervous? I knew he wasn't curious on the status of Chris and I. There had to be something else, another motive in him asking.

"Are you still seeing Max then?" He asked dropping his fork all together. My fork stilled against my plate. I looked up at my mother to see if she had any indication on what he was on about. Her face didn't wavor and she looked to the side.

Her face screaming: I'm not interfering, I want to stay out of this.

"Uh, No. We broke up remember?" I glanced up at him. He nodded and looked to the side. "Yes, I remember. Just because you two broke up, doesn't mean that you stopped seeing him. I was just clarifying" He stated. I furrowed my eyebrows and leaned back in my chair.

"No, I think that's exactly what breaking up means. You stop seeing each other" I looked at Scott. He looked at me before nodding.

"Yes, usually that's what that means, but as I know now, you didn't take being together as what that means. You saw other people. I wasn't sure if you planned on following what 'breaking up' means" He said coldly. I looked up at my mother. She just looked at me.

"You spoke to Max" I breathed looking back down. There would be no other indication on how he knew that I had cheated on Max. My mother wouldn’t have told him, she knew I would spill her secrets too if she did.

"I saw him, yes" Scott replied. I clenched my jaw. "There's two side to every story, father" I snapped looking up at him. He licked his lips as he looked at me. "So i've heard" He nodded. I tore my gaze away from him.

I'm not about to be guilt tripped into feeling bad about what happened. I went through my stage of guilt. I was past it. I moved on. I wasn't going to sit here and relive it so Scott can throw daggers at me to try and make me feel bad.

I was done feeling bad for what I wanted. What I deserved.

I shoved my fork in my mouth to stop non-dinner-appropriate words from falling out.

"You mentioned that boy was in Boston" He spoke again. I took in a breath. Here we go again. I placed my fork down and leaned back, staring at him straight in the face. He now has my full attention, because whatever stunt he was pulling? I wanted to get it over with.

I wasn't scared of him anymore.

Now, I dared him to try me.

"Am I correct?" He raised his eyebrows from my shift. "You're correct. Chris--" He has a name. "--Is in Boston" I finished. He hummed looking down at his plate.

I've lived with this man for 18 years, he doesn't just make conversation. He has a purpose for bringing this up, because I knew he didn't give a fuck about Chris visitng his family in Boston.

"You know, I went to Boston once" He glanced up at me. I just looked at him. Where are you going with this Scott? He looked up, fake confusion crossing his brain. I just watched him as he put on his show.

"Wait, no. It wasn't Boston" He shook his head. Fake clarity washed over him as he lifted his finger. "It was New York" He nodded looking at me, before he snapped his head over to my mother with a smile.

"Do you remember when I visited New York, Clara?" He asked softly, but there were venom behind his words. Her whole body stiffened as she paused the sip she was going to take from her wine.

Her eyes shifted slowly over to Scott, she lowered her glass and cleared her throat.

"Yes" She stated calmly. I looked between them. I felt like I was looking through someone's underwear drawer right now. Whatever was going down, I wasn't suppose to be watching.

What the fuck was going on?

Scott tore his eyes from my mother and picked up his fork and stabbed a piece of chicken. My mother and I were no longer eating, our eyes were trained on him.

"New York was so lovely at the time." He smiled as he chewed. I felt like if I moved even half and inch, I was going to be in danger. I swallowed. He was smiling, but nothing behind the smile seemed joyful.

"I was young, about to graduate college a year early. I made connections to people in New York that I still have today, those people brought me to where I am today. The empire I've build today" His smile continued to fall as he spoke as he spoke sharply. I glanced at my mom, but she looked just as frozen as me.

One hand on the spine of her glass, the other frozen against her fork.

"I would say that I've taken care of this family pretty well. Haven't I Clara?" He asked looking up at her. You could see the panic on her face. She didn't respond for a second before she finally blinked.

"Y-Yes honey, of course you have. You've done tremendous things for this family. Don't you think so Y/n?" My mother looked at me. I opened my mouth to speak but my father cut me off.

"Do you remember the time frame of when I was in New York?" He asked, his gaze still stuck on my mother. I closed my mouth from when I was going to answer my mother's question. My mother's eyes slowly shifted back over to him and away from me.

She blinked and looked down at her plate. "No. I don't remember the exact days you were there. It was like 20 years ago" She shook her head as she scrapped her fork agaisnt the plate.

"18 years ago" He snapped. My face dropped as I looked at Scott. My mother took in a breath and swallowed.

"You may not remember the exact days I was in New York, but do you remember what you were doing?" He tilted his head. My mother opened her mouth before she shook it softy. Scott hummed and looked down, nodding.

I felt my blood run cold and my heart start to beat out of my chest.

"You know, the biggest moment of my entire life happened a few months after that New York trip.." His fork hitting the plate rang throughout the room as he dropped it against his plate. My mother's eyes were trained on the table as she just listened to him speak.

"It's when we found out we we're having you" He turned his head and his eyes connected with mine. My eyes went wide as I looked at him. I shook off my fear, even though I knew it was radiating off my face. I smiled and nodded.

Once I smiled back, he looked down at his plate, picking his fork back up. The only sound in the room was his fork moving. Not mine or my mother's just his as he slowly ate his food. I almost thought whatever game he was playing was over, until he spoke again.

"But then"

I took in a breath. "You know--" Scott chuckled, but I'm sure he wasn't finding humor out of anything he was saying. "I started doing some math" He sat back in his chair. My mother's eyes clicked up to his.

"You know math was one of my strongest suits, I got an A in Advanced Calculous my senior year of college" He placed his hand across the table. My mother didn't look at his hands, but kept eye contact with his face.

"And I was like--" He shook his head. "The last time would have been able to conceive would have been a month before that, because I was cramming for exams and you had started your period" He pointed to my mother. I watched as the color drained in my mother's face.

"After all, you were only 12 weeks when we figured out" He nodded. My mother cleared her throat. "You know the science, not all of that is completely exact on timing and everything" My mother spoke for the first time in a few minutes.

"It wouldn't have been a month unexact" He snapped quickly, which shut my mother up. She looked down. I glanced between them as he stared at her and her eyes glued to her lap.

"I'm gonna--" I started to stand

"You'll stay right there in your seat, young lady" His eyes snapped to mine and I froze. I looked at my plate as I took in a breath. I felt like I was running, sprinting. I couldn't breathe. If anything, I was scared. Not for myself but for my mother.

"I let it go, you know" His voice softened. He shook his head and chuckled. "I thought, I must have been crazy. I was shocked by the news and I was just overthinking. I did a study, it said every young parent goes through questioning and denial. So I wrote it off as that." He breathed shaking his head.

My mother swallowed.

"Then we had the baby" He breathed. I felt my heart clench when he didn't saw my name. He refered to me as 'the baby'.

"It who else did it look exact like other than...the boy you told me 'was just your study partner'" He said. I took in a breath and my mother turned her head, but I saw tears starting to form.

"The boy who 'just walked you to class' or just 'needed to borrow your notes'" He went on and my mother's face shook.

"I thought I was delusional, that I was forcing myself to see something that wasn't there. That I was just in shock that I was barley 21 years old and was taking on a new born" He shook his head.

"By the time she turned one, I'd completely forgotten about the name James Doe" He hit his fork against the plate.

My mother closed her eyes at the mention of his name. I just watched frantically not knowing how this was going to play out.

"But then she had his hair color, by the time when she was three. She had his love for the stars, by the time she turned 10." My mother winced with every word.

"Scott"

"--And who do I see sitting with our daughter yesterday inside of the resturant on 18th street?" He asked softly looking at her. My mother winced.

"James...Doe"

My face fell. He'd finally reached his breaking point, the finalized decison, because of me? I felt the color leave my face. My mother looked up at me in confusion.

"I-" I shook my head getting ready to explain myself, to defend myself, to even say that I was on date with my brother and just meeting his father--just to save my mother for whatever was about that happen.

My father raised his hand to face. I shut my mouth and bit my tonuge. His gaze remained on my mother.

"I'm gonna give you a choice, Clara." He folded his napkin in his lap. I swallowed as I looked between them and fear crossed my mother’s face.

"--but first, I want to hear you say it" He stated blankly staring at her with his jaw clenched. Her eyes widened.

"Wh-What--" She said softly.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me who her father is" He pointed at me. I looked between them. My mother looked from him to me. I looked down at my plate, her gaze being too much.

"Tell me how you let a low-life fuck you and get you pregnant" He snapped. My eyes widened from the curse leaving Scott's mouth. I'd never heard him speak in such a way.

Also the term he used 'low-life' rang in my head like dynamite. The same terminology Max used.

I clenched my fists. That's my father he was speaking about.

"He's not a low-life" I stated.

You could hear a pin drop the way the room went silent. Slowly, Scott's head turned and he looked at me. His jaw was clenched and his eyes bore into mine.

Not the fucking time Y/n, can you read social cues?

"He's kind and....."

Shut the fuck up.

"Cares--"

"James is her father" My mother spoke. Scott's gaze looked towards her. She let out a breath and tears welded at her eyes. "I-I wanted it to be yours Scott. You have to believe me, I really did and I'm so so--"

He held up his hand, she stopped speaking but I could still hear her breathing sporadically. She swallowed as Scott closed his eyes.

"I'm gonna give you two choice's Clara" He breathed. My heart was pounding against her chest.

"One, you can pack your shit and get out of my house" He spoke softly as if he was just having a normal conversation. My mother's eyes widened as she began to shake her head.

"Because after all, I make the income. You just sit there and look pretty" He snapped, but he wasn't complementing her. He was degrading her worth.

"So your absence wouldn't hurt me at all finnacally speaking. If anything I'd save money--and lose a tainted wife" He snapped. My mother's lip quievered.

"I won't make a big deal. I'll divorce you, it'll be quiet. No gossip would spread around town about it. I know how to make things seal tight, unlike you." He glared at her.

"Surely, you'll have to go back to your family--I'm sure your father would love that wouldn't he? You'll have no income, no house, nothing. Not even your dignity" He tilted her head at her. She closed her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks.

"What's the second option?" Her voice broke. His shifted over to me. I couldn't feel my legs at this point and I felt my eyes start to water.

"She's a Doe. She's should live like a Doe" He stated looking at my mother. I sat up as her eyes opened.

"What--?" I said quickly. "You're kicking me out?" I snapped looking between them. My father picked up his fork. "I'm not kicking you out" He shook his head. He lifted his fork and pointing at my mother.

"It's Clara's choice" He stated. "You can love a Labraut" He pointed to himself. "Or you can love a Doe" He pointed his fork towards me. My mother's lip quivered. My mouth fell open.

What?

"Because I refuse to have one piece of anything connected to that man living in my house." He snapped making my mother flinch.

"What? Mom---" Tears fell out of my eyes as I looked at my mom pleadingly. She wasn't looking at me, she stared at Scott. She took in a breath.

"Mom, please. Where am I suppose to go---I don't have anywhere to--" I choked on my words as I begged my mother to look at me.

"Mom" I cried. She closed her eyes and took in a breath. Scott chewed his food as if he wasn't putting an ultimatum up that could change my entire life.

The only sounds in the room were my father eating and me trying to hold back the tears.

She glanced up at me. I shook my head mouthing “Please” as the panic started to rise in me. She swallowed and looked down at her lap.

"Thomas" My mother's voice yelled. My eyes snapped towards the door as I heard Thomas, one of my father's assistants enter the room. I looked back at my mom. She reached up and wiped a stray tear from her face as she cleared her throat.

"Have Y/n things packed within the hour please" She said looking at him.

I stared at my mother. My mouth falling open as I watched everything that was once my life crumble into pieces at the dinner table.

3 minutes and one decision. One conversation. And my entire life was going to be different. Tears ran down my face. This isn’t happening.

Thomas glanced to me as I shook my head. He looked back towards my mother.

"You're dismissed" She breathed looking back down at her plate. She picked up her fork. I looked between Scott and my mother as they picked at their food.

"Mom?" I cried, it was barley audioble. She swallowed as her chin quivered, but she didn't respond. She didn’t even look up at me.

I took in a breath as I looked over at Scott.

"You can't do this. This--This is child abandonment" I shook my head looking at him. His fork hit the plate.

"You're 18, it's not child abandonment, and you're also not my child" He spat looking at me. Silence again. I shook my head as my mother refused to look at me.

“But—“ Tears ran down my face. They didn’t say anything as I sat there in tears, they just continued to eat. “I’m your child” I whispered. Nothing. Just the clenched jaw of my mother chewing her food.

I picked up my napkin before roughly scooting my chair out and slamming the napkin down on the table. They didn't look up at me.

"You're insecure" I snapped at Scott. He glanced up at me with my eyebrows raised. "You-You're insecure because you know that James is a better man than you'll ever---"

"Finish that sentence and I'll pull Dan's file by tomorrow morning" He spoke calmly. I looked down at my feet before taking in a breath that came in more like a sob. I looked at my mother, she stopped eating but her eyes were still strained on the table.

"You're a coward" I cried before pushing off my feet and out of the dining room. I brought my hand up to my face as I muffled a sob and walked up the stairs to my room.

I walked in before seeing Thomas packing my things into various suitcases. He looked up at me, with a look of pity all over his face. He stood up straight.

"Is-Is there anything specific you would like me to pack for you Ms. Labraut?" He asked calmly. I wiped my nose before walking in and grabbing a sweatshirt.

"Just the stars off the ceiling, and if it's a designer brand, leave it here" I mumbled before pushing off my feet and making my way back towards the door. He went back to packing and I paused looking back at him.

"And it’s Ms. Doe" I spoke, he just blinked at me before I pushed out of my room

[stainedstardom]

this is so sad

You don't know me 29

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings:

I'll call you later tonight.

Chris's words through the phone rang in my head as I stared up at my ceiling.

"Six, seven, eight....." I counted the stars across my ceiling since they weren't actual constellations. It was easier to count them over and over than to stare at my phone and wait for a call that didn't seem like it was coming.

"Twelve" I finished.

I glanced down at my phone.

11:59 pm

One minute until 'tonight' was offically over. I swallowed as I put the phone down and looked back up at my ceiling. There’s probably a reason he’s not calling you. He didn’t forget. Maybe he was busy right now. He still loves you.

"One, two..." I trailed off and sighed closing my eyes. This was ridiculous. Pathetic.

I took in a breath, my eyes still closed. The breeze from the door of my balcony being open almost felt like the one outside from Chris and I's last date. I swallowed.

He laid against the blanket and opened his arms. I smiled before I laid against his chest and his arms closed around me. I blinked up towards the sky, before seeing the stars laid out before me.

I opened my eyes. There wasn't a breeze. Chris's arms weren't around me and I wasn't looking at the stars. The sky outside was cloudy, you couldn't see them. I already checked.

I took in a breath.

"Three, four....."

My phone buzz. I sat up and grabbed my phone

from: syd

how'd brunch with your dad go? Is he mentally stable? A serect serial killer? Criminal mastermind?

I sighed as my eyes trailed up to the time.

12:01 am

I looked off to the balcony before pushing off my bed and pushing the door closed and locking it and turning back to my phone.

to: syd

it was one brunch, how would i be able to tell if he was a serial killer?

I laid back down against my pillows.

Why did he forget to call?

Chris pov

It was quiet. It was dark here. I didn't like it. It was eerie this time of night, but the last time I came during the day and stayed for hours, a groundskeeper kicked me out. Not so gracefully after I cussed him out.

I stared down at tombstone.

Amelia Rose Smith 4-23-03 -- 7-03-19 a beloved daughter, a soul too sweet for this world gone too soon.

I swallowed. I placed new flowers beside it, but they would die soon. I didn't know if it was the first time flowers were left here since I left, or if the flowers were only empty for a few days.

Her parents moved to Flordia after her death to be closer to the rest of their family, so I don't know if anyone kept up in replenishing her flowers.

I didn't blame them for moving. In times of greif, you cling to your loved ones. The only problem was when she passed, and my greif came, the only 'loved one' I wanted to cling too was the one buried six feet in the ground.

When she first passed, I didn't leave her side. Even after the funeral, her parents left before I did. I didn't say anything. I just sat there and stared at the freshly grounded dirt, until the sun came up the next morning. That freshly grounded dirt was now overgrown with grass.

My parents didn't question me, they didn't even try to pull me away when I didn't leave the funeral.

They just let me sit here.

Like I am now.

"Chris"

"Chris." My dad shook my arm. I blinked. It was real. This was really happening. I swallowed as I glanced around the room and saw everyone staring at me. All eyes on me.

"They called your name, it's time to give your dedication" My father whispered down at me. I looked up at him. I felt like a child again. Like my dad was dropping me off at kindergarten for the first time.

I wanted to shake my head and cling to his side. But this wasn't kindergarten. This was a funeral filled with people, relatives, friends, all staring at me and they knew exactly who I was.

The boy who lost his girlfriend.

I stood up from the pew and it was silent. The only sound was the clicking of my feet as the preacher moved aside so I could stand in front of the podem.

I swallowed as my eyes glanced over the casket. The closed casket. I'm glad it was closed, I didn't know how I would have reacted if I had seen her laying there, lifeless. My gut clenched and I forced my eyes to tear away from the casket.

I turned and my eyes scanned over the filled church. Some people crying. Some not. Some looked sad, some didn't.

"Um" I cleared my throat as I stared down at my piece of paper, my hands shaking so much I couldn't even read the words. I swallowed and looked up meeting the eyes of Rose's mom.

I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry I couldn't save her" but I couldn't even get the words out. I looked back down.

A tear rolled down the bridge of my nose. I quickly wiped it.

"Thank you for coming today. I know it would have meant a lot to--" My voice broke. I paused closing my eyes. I was strong. I could do this. I forced the paper still.

"Amelia was---" I paused. "Rose-" I corrected myself. It didn't feel right calling her by something I never called her before today. "She was the kindest soul in the world" I whispered, but it projected anyway. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"She was the light in my day." I said. I glanced up meeting the eyes of my parents who nodded me forward. I stifened. I set the paper down and looked up at the faces of everyone.

"I've been trying to figure out how to deal with this" I said honestly. I shook my head. "I don't know how---" I swallowed. Don't cry Chris, everyone is looking at you. I stopped taking in a breath.

"The only conclusion i've been able to come to, was that she was too good for this world, so she just went on to the next" I nodded. "She went somewhere better than this place. To a place where she wasn't struggling--where she wasn't in pain and wasn't sad" The lump in my throat kept coming back up no matter how much I kept it down.

"Selfishly, I didn't want her to go. I--I wanted her to stay here with me. I've battled with myself for days over--" I closed my eyes. I couldn’t do this.

"I'm sorry" I shook my head, I hated the way everyone was looking at me. I hated the pressure. I hated the pity looks. I hated all of it.

I didn't know how to talk about this in front of a group of people that I didn't even know or Rose never even mentioned.

I grabbed the side of the podium to keep myself standing. I looked over to her parents.

"I don't know what to say" I shook my head. Rose's mother's eyes watered and she shook her head. "If I could replace myself with your daughter in that casket, I would" I said looking at her. Her eyes closed as she took in a breath.

I hung my head as tears ran down my face. "Trust me, I would" I cried. I looked up. Everyone was staring at me, this was too much.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't---That I didn't--"

Everyone was staring at me.

I pushed off the podium before walking down the aisle and rapidly wiped my face as I pushed out of the church doors.

I felt a rain drop on my face. I looked up. It wasn't raining. I pressed my hand to my face. "Fuck" I whispered. I wiped my eyes that had produced the water. I glanced down to the dirt.

"Sorry, I know you don't like when I curse" I whispered. No response. But there was one inside me, as if she were still sitting next to me now.

It's okay Chris. It's okay to feel things, sometimes it necessary.

I took in a breath.

"I don't understand why you left me. You ruined my life. I'm mad at you, I'm mad at the---dead" I whispered the last part. Was it disrespectful to be angry with the dead? I didn't know. I was. I've been angry for a while, it's just be clouded by sadness. I just hadn't noticed.

"I got a tattoo for you" I whispered. No response. I stared at the grave. "I don't know if you would have like it. You never really liked tattoos....but I just thought---" I paused. I closed my eyes. "I thought that you might have like it if it was mine" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I hung my head in between my legs. "God Rose. I just......" I swallowed.

"I miss you." I whispered. I wiped my nose and looked up at her gravestone. "I feel guilty" I stated. The only sounds between me and the gravestone were the sounds of crickets chirping.

"I've battled back and forth with myself over falling in love again" I whispered. I placed my head against my knee. "I'm so scared she's going to leave me like you did. You messed me up----so bad" I swallowed.

"I heard there were stages to grief" I played with the grass inbetween my fingers. "First, Sadness. Then anger" I breathed. I looked at the stone.

"It wasn't fair for the anger to hit right as I made it to Michigan. It was suppose to be a new beginning, but I did some things I’m not proud of. I was mean. You hated mean people, Rose. You wouldn't have been proud of me" I shook my head.

I wiped my eyes and let out a long breath. I turned away from the stone.

I heard the cracking of sticks behind me. I turned quickly, getting ready to stand up and fight off another groundskeeper, but I met a pair of blue eyes that looked like mine.

I sighed and relaxed.

"I thought I'd find you out here" My dad's voice rang. I didn't say anything and stared at the stone. He groaned as he went to sit down next to me. I didn't say anything, I just kept my arms around my legs and stared down.

"You know" My dad said looking over at me. "Your mother doesn't like it when she finds your bed empty at 2 am, especially after the blow up at dinner" He spoke softly. I didn't react.

It's because I hate being here. I hate being in Boston without Rose it didn't feel right, it didn't feel like Boston.

"I didn't meant to scare her" I mumbled. He shook his head. "She's just on edge about you being home. She forgets you would do this weekly" He sighed. I furrowed my eyebrows. Why is he making me feel guilty about coming to see Rose? I shouldn't have to feel guilty.

"I like it out here better. Out here someone actually listens to me" I grumped under my breath. My dad let out a sigh.

"I don't mean to come across like I don't listen to you Chris" He turned his head to look at me. I looked up at him. "Come across? You shipped me out to Michigan when it got hard for you" I spat staring at him. He closed his eyes.

"You needed a fresh start"

"I needed parents who could comfort me"

"You didn't let us" He snapped. I glared at him. He shook his head, bringing down his tone. Silence came between us. I felt a verge of guilt come up my throat.

"I didn't mean it" I whispered. He looked over at me. I felt the guilt of my own words wash over me. I shook my head. "I was angry, I was hurting--I still am-but" I swallowed. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I never wanted to.

I usually waited until everyone was out of sight before I allowed my emotions to hit me. I was not going to cry in front of him. I took in a breath trying to contain myself.

"I love you and mom, I never wanted you think that I didn't" I whispered. I felt the power of my father's gaze.

"We never thought that, even when you said it" His arm came over my shoulders. I looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. "We're you're parents. Parents take everything their child says with a grain of salt" He breathed. I sighed. That didn't make me feel any better for what I said.

"Why did you come home Chris?" He asked softly. I blinked down. "You wanted me to" I stated softly. He shook his head. "That's not why you came" He breathed. I took in a breath as I looked at the grave.

He knew me too well, it hurt.

"I have to move on" I stated blankly not looking up at my dad. He just watched and listened. "For years I’ve held Rose's death with me" I shook my head looking at her name engraved in the stone.

"And I don't want to forget about it--I never want to forget about it--her." I shook my head afraid of the misconception. I swallowed. "I just want to move on from it. I want to start breathing again" I whispered.

It's true. It's why I came home. Not for my parents, not because my father wanted me to, not because I wanted to move back here---I didn't. I guess I just didn't know that until I stepped onto Boston ground. It hit me like a load of bricks, the realization.

"You're allowed to want to move on Chris, it doesn't mean you have to forget" He breathed. I didn't move as my eyes glanced over the stone.

"I met someone" I whispered. At this point I didn't know If I was talking to Rose or to my father. Neither replied.

"I think meeting her, made every emotions I've pushed down the last 3 years come up to the surface" I whispered. My father let out a breath.

"It sounds like this girl did you a favor" He stated. I swallowed, right now it didn't feel like it.

"I'm in love with her" I stated blankly before looking up at my father. Suprise crossed his face and he blinked at me. He opened his mouth and closed it. I turned away from him. I'm not crying in front of him.

"And she's nothing like Rose" I whispered. My father shifted.

"You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Rose and how you process it. Chris you're allowed to move on, you're allowed to fall in love, you're allowed to live" He shook his head at me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes finally reeling in my emotions.

I looked up at my dad. His eyes were tired. I feel like that's what I did to people. Sucked the life out of them. I saw it in his eyes, my mother's eyes, Dan's eyes, Nate's eyes. I would die If i ever saw that look in Y/n's eyes.

"What's her name?" My father spoke and I blinked almost swearing it was Rose's voice I was hearing, not my father's. I looked down at the grave.

"Y/n" I stated. He smiled. "That's a pretty name" He whispered making me smile. "Yeah" I whispered. My father shifted before he picked up the flowers set beside the grave.

"Lilies" He smiled running his hands over the flowers. "They were her favorite flowers" I explained smiling slightly as I looked at them.

"It's funny because I would always joke that her favorite flowers were lilies, because it doesn't make sense because you know her name---" My voice tore at the last word, as I stared at the stone.

And I broke.

My body tensed at the unfinished sentence and a sob came out of my throat as uncontrollable tears came pouring out of my eyes as I cried. My body curled as I cried into my hands.

"It's okay. You're gonna be okay Chris" My dad grabbed my arms and pulled me into him. I couldn't fight him. I had no strength left in my body. I shook against his arms as I cried into his chest.

[stainedstardom]

cry’s

You don't know me 28

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex, mentions of cheating, family drama, panic attack (mellow nothing major)

I pushed open the door to the coffee shop before I saw my dad in one of the corner tables. I smiled and his eyes shot over to mine. A smile came to his face before he stood up from his seat.

I moved on my feet until I reached him.

"Hi" His voice sang before his arms came around me. I hugged him back and let go of a breath. He let me go and moved his hands down my shoulders.

"You came" He smiled as he looked down hopefully at me. I nodded, letting out a breath. "Yeah sorry. I was just going to make sure Chris got on the plane okay before I came. I would have texted but--" I paused.

But I don't even have your number.

He shook his head. "No you're completely fine. Please sit" He motioned to the chair. I smiled before I sat down and he came along with me.

We had agreed that every Friday we were going to try and see each other. I still hadn't told my mom I was seeing him. I didn't know how. How do I even bring that up? She had to expect that I wanted to meet my dad.

"How are you feeling about that? Are you doing okay?" He asked as we settled into our seats. I glanced up at him from the mention on how I was feeling about Chris flying to Boston. I swallowed.

"A little nervous" I mumbled. He nodded as he picked up the coffee mug placed in front of him. "Nate is a little nervous about it too" James said looking at me. I just looked at him. "He didn't tell me that, but I can tell from the way he talks about it. He doesn't want Chris to leave either" He said. I nodded and clasped my hands together.

"I can understand that. Him and Chris are close" I said. James nodded before smiling. "He protective over his things. I used to think Nate had a crush on Chris before you told me you were seeing him, then it made sense why Nate was acting weird" James chuckled, making me smile and shake my head.

"Nate is very protective over his things" I agreed, looking down. James sighed and set down his cup. Silence came between us, and I felt guilty about this all over again.

Wondering if he was hiding the fact that he was seeing me from Nate, the fact that I'm hiding this from my mother's knowledge. I swallowed.

"Can I get you something to drink sweetie?" The waitress's voice rang. I looked up, almost happy she interrupted my thoughts. I smiled up at her and nodded. "Just coffee, black please" I replied. Her eyebrows raised.

"No sugar or cream?" She asked. I shook my head. She nodded before walking away. I looked up at James. He smiled. "I'm impressed. But you're too young to be drinking cofffee" He shook his head jokingly. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm 18, I just turned 18-"

"Three weeks ago"

I looked up at him. His smiled flattened and he swallowed looking back down at the table. I played with the bracelets against my wrists. My eyes traced over to the third seat placed next to us.

"Is there someone joining us?" I joked. He opened his mouth to speak before the bells of the coffee shops jingled and I turned my head and so did James. Nate walked through the door and looked around before his eyes landed on mine.

His face hardened before he glanced over to his father. I looked at James who started to stand up, throwing his napkin on the table.

"I'm sorry just--" James said looking at me and then to Nate. The bells jingled again and I turned to see Nate now exiting the coffee shop. James let out a breath before starting to walk towards the door.

"Give me one moment" He said quickly before he walked towards the door pulling it open. I swallowed and slumped back in my seat. I didn't appreciate the fact that he had set us both up, but he was trying at least. It was more than my parents ever did.

I swallowed the nerves beading in my throat and turned and looked out the glass windows seeing Nate and James talking. Well Nate was yelling, James was talking. Nate shook his head and yelled something I couldn't hear from here, on the other side of the window. James's face hardened as he spoke calmly to Nate.

Nate shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. James spoke some more and stared angrily at his son before pointing towards the door of the coffee shop. I turned away.

I hated the way this made me feel. Unwelcome, unwanted.

"Here you go" The chippy voice of the waitress brought me out of my thoughts as she set down the coffee mug. I smiled fakely at her before I heard the bells chime again. I turned my head before seeing James walk in and a very unhappy Nate sulking behind him as they made their way to the table.

James smiled down at me and Nate moved around him and sat in the chair next to mine, while James sat down across from me.

"My apologizes for him" James looked at his son. Nate turned his head and looked out the window. "No it's okay, I just wasn't expecting...any more company" I breathed looking at Nate. Nate glared at me.

"Yeah me either" Nate said blankly. I swallowed and looked down at my lap. This got awkward and hurtful fast.

"How's school going Y/n? You graduate next year" James smiled, attempting to shift past the awkward tension. I lifted my head. "Fine" I smiled at him. "My grades are okay, they've been better. I've just had a lot....going on" I mumbled shaking my head.

Nate scoffed next to me. James snapped his head to him. Nate rolled his eyes. I cleared my throat. "How's hockey going?" I breathed turning to Nate. He looked up at me from his fixated gaze on the table.

An olive branch, maybe that's all he needed.

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you even know anything about hockey?" He scoffed staring at me. I opened my mouth and blinked.

I knew a lot about hockey, it's all Max talked about.

"Yes" I stated looking at him. He leaned up in his seat. "Oh yeah. I forgot that your boyfriend, that you consistently fucked the same time as Chris, was on the team" He snapped staring at me.

My face turned blood red.

"Nathan Doe" James's voice snapped.

The waitress came back up.

"Are you guys ready to order?" She smiled brightly down at us. I felt like I was going to throw up. I slumped in my seat and buried my head in the menu. How does someone disappear? Because I've never wanted to do anything more.

Nate flicked the menu open and scanned it. "I'll have the waffles with extra whip cream" He stated as if he didn't just tell my father that I had sex with two people at the same time. It wasn't even true.

James's glare didn't lighten as Nate set down the menu and smiled at me. I let out a breath. I could feel the redness on my neck. The waitress looked over at me.

"I-I have to use the restroom" I snapped the menu down and scrambled from my seat and darted towards the bathroom. I closed the door and leaned against the wall, pressing my hands over my face trying to breathe.

I can't do this.

Just catch your breathe. I leaned over the sink. I was going to puke. I looked up. "You're fine. You're fine" I whispered shaking my head. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Distraction.

Chris

I let go of a breathe before swiping it open and pressing it to my ear. "Hey" He said through the phone. "Hi" I breathed.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately. I swallowed and closed my eyes. "Nothing i'm fine" I lied shaking my head. Silence for a second. "You're either panicking or you just found a new love for cardio" He stated blankly. I sighed and leaned over.

"I'm at brunch with James and he sprung Nate's presence on me" I swallowed. Chris sighed over the phone. "Are you okay?" He asked softly. I closed my eyes and swallowed.

"As well as you can imagine" I breathed. "Just breathe okay? You're not hiding in the bathroom are you?" He asked. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No of course not" I lied.

"Y/n"

"Maybe?" I whispered. "Y/n, go back out there" He said. I sighed. "I can't. He hates me" I felt a lump in my throat. "He doesn't hate you. He's hurt. There's a difference between hurt and hate" He stated. I swallowed. "Doesn't seem like much of a difference" I whispered.

I heard cars flying by on the other end of the phone. "Listen--I have to go, I just stepped outside of the airport. Can I call you later tonight?" He asked softly. I licked my lips.

"Yeah. Did they flight go okay? Everything go good?" Another round of panic hit me. "The guy next to me ate 3 bags of Cheetos the entire flight, so now I have Cheeto dust all over me. Other than that everything's okay" He chuckled. I smiled and nodded.

"Good" I breathed. "Okay--I see my dad. I gotta go. I love you"

"I love you" I whispered.

"I'll call you tonight"

The line went dead.

I looked in the mirror. You can do this. Don't let him know he got to you. Walk back out there with confidence. I turned and pressed my shaky hand against the door handle. I don't have confidence.

I pushed the door back open before walking back over to the table. I sighed as I sat back into my seat, feeling James's eyes on me. Nate stared down at his lap. I placed my napkin back over my lap.

"Sorry, Chris called. He just landed" I said. That was actually true, whether they believed that or not. James nodded. Nate didn't say anything.

"I just ordered you some pancakes. I didn't know what you wanted" James breathed. I smiled. "You can't go wrong with pancakes" I smiled. He nodded and smiled. "You can't" He chuckled.

The rest of the brunch, James spoke. He asked me some questions, I asked him some. Basic small talk, like what do you plan to do after college? What do you want to be? What's your favorite place you've visited?

Nate chimned in some, but mostly said nothing. I guess he was taking ‘If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' to heart. James's phone rang and he looked down at it before looking up at me.

"Excuse me, I have to take this" He said to be before he looked over at Nate. Nate looked up at him slightly and then looked out the window. I nodded and he stood up and picked up the phone.

I moved my fork around on my plate as silence came between us.

"I'm....sorry" he almost winced. I looked up at him. He looked down at the table. "I probably shouldn't have said that" He mumbled. My fork stilled. I let go of a breath and placed my fork down.

"It's okay" I whispered. He looked up at me. "I get it. He was your dad for 17 years, he's been mined since Monday" I breathed smiling. Nate smiled quickly before it dropped. I swallowed.

"But you can't hate me for wanting to know him. He's my father" I said glancing at him. He pursed his lips and looked away. "I don't" He said shaking his head.

"My dad and Chris have been through enough in their life, they don't need to get hurt anymore" He said blankly. I swallowed. "You act like I'm a wrecking ball Nate" I said shaking my head.

"I wouldn't put it past you" He breathed looking at me. I looked down.

"You hurt Chris"

"I fixed it" I snapped. “By skin of your teeth" He said staring at me. I sighed sitting up. "I get it you don't think I'm enough, but based off Chris's opinion of me....that doesn't alter your opinion whatsoever? Do you think Chris is an idiot?" I asked a little more harsh than I intended.

"Love is blinding" He said looking at me. I turned my gaze away from him. Fuck the olive branch. I was done trying. I just wanted this brunch to be over.

"Oh this is rich"

My eyes snapped up before I felt chills come over me. My gaze was on the ground, but I saw his shoes. I saw Nate shift up next to me. Reluctantly I lifted my gaze.

Max stared down at me. I glanced over seeing a blonde to his left. He stared down at me with an amused smirk. I glanced out the window seeing James speaking on the phone.

If he came back and heard whatever Max was about to say to me, he would probably forget about whatever relationship he wanted to build with me. He would look at me how the world did. Like a rich spoiled brat, or even worse a skank.

My hands shook.

"Already moved on from one low life to another I see?" He motioned to Nate. I glanced over at Nate who was looking at Max. I swallowed my nerves and the gag in my throat from the accusation of being on a date with my brother.

"Peyton" I stated looking at the blonde. I recognized her. She was on the cheer team. Had the amount of brains as she did a personality.

"Y/n" She crossed her arms over her chest. I rolled my eyes. I see why Max took a sudden interest. Max looked from Peyton and to me. "So not only are you a cheater, you're whoring around" He chuckled looking over at Nate.

My face turned red and I looked over at James. Still on the phone. I looked up at Max and opened my mouth to say something. "I-"

"Haven't seen you on the rink in a while Hastings. Didn't think you'd be drinking the pain away of being dumped instead of trying to get ahead for the upcoming season. Don't wanna be rusty before coach picks captain’s do you?" Nate said making me look over at him.

Max's jaw hardened as he looked down at him.

"Or are you too busy roofing girls to be worrying about any of that?" Nate tilted his head. Peyton looked up at Max with a suprised expression, dropping her arms. Max glared at him hard.

"If you think Coach is going to pick a junior over a senior for captains next year, you're full of it" He snapped. Nate sat up in his chair. "You sure thought so, when he didn't pick you as a junior, you cried like a baby in the locker room" Nate chuckled. I bit back a smile and looked at the table.

"You're wasting your time on her, she puts out like once a month--If you're lucky" Max snapped. Nate just stared at him.

"Can I help you son?" A hand came over Max's shoulder, hard. James glared at him. Max looked up at him, dipping his shoulder slightly. The air was thick.

"We were just--leaving" Max ripped his shoulder out of his grip. James's jaw tighetened. "Best get out of here. Table's full" He stated his eyes bearing into his. Max didn't say anything as he grabbed Peyton's arm and they left the store.

James's gaze didn't leave him until he was out of sight. He looked down at me and I swallowed. A smile came to his face and his angry demeanor was gone as if it never existed.

"Where were we?" He smiled sitting back down.

-

"You didn't have to do that" I mumbled looking over at Nate as James was at the register, paying. Nate didn't look over at me. "Max is a dick, he deserved it" He stated blankly. I just stared at him.

"Just so you know, I'm not proud of what happened. But I never slept with Max when I was seeing Chris. There wasn't ever an overlap with that....stuff" I whispered. Nate didn't react to my words instead he walked forward and stood next to his dad.

I swallowed. Another olive branch broken.

"I'll walk you home. Nate, would you like to come?" James said as he turned to me. "No. I've got homework" He mumbled pushing past us without another word. James sighed as we watched him push out of the coffee shop.

James looked down at me as I stared at the door. "Come on" He said placing his hand on my back as we walked out of the store and down the street. It was silent between us. I didn't know what he was thinking.

He barley knew anything about me, and what he did know was concerning. My worst moments. In the few days we've interacted, I've told him that I cheated on my former boyfriend--bad person or not I still cheated, he know's i've jumped from boy to boy. And the things he's heard....

Oh yeah. I forgot that your boyfriend that you consistently fucked the same time as Chris, was on the team.

You're wasting your time on her, she puts out like once a month--If you're lucky

Chills came over my arms. My father probably thinks I'm a whore. Great. And I'm sure the things Nate's told him haven't been any prettier than that.

"Are you cold? Do you want my coat?" His voice rang out my thoughts. I looked up at him, scared he could read my mind. I shook my head. "No--" I rubbed the goosebumps away. "I'm fine" I whispered looking down.

A few seconds later, I felt him pull his coat around my shoulders. I smiled from the warmth and looked up at him. He smiled as we walked.

I paused for a second and he looked back at me.

"I'm not a bad person, I promise" I swallowed. He just looked at me. "I've made some mistakes I'm not proud of b-but I promise I'm not what everyone makes me out to be. I've done my fair share of wrongs but-but--" My eyes watered. I just wanted him to see me. For who I was. Not what everyone told him I was. I just wanted him to see me.

"Hey, Hey" He breathed as he stepped forward and his arms came around me, comfortably. I sighed as I felt a tear roll down my face. I wanted someone else, who wasn't Chris, to see me as a person too. Nothing mattered to me more than winning over my dad.

"I don't think you're a bad person" He breathed above me. I sighed as I pressed my head into his chest. He pulled me back. "Sweetheart" He breathed I looked up at him.

"I can tell when someone is a bad person. It's a gift and a curse, especially when you want someone to be good and they’re not. You're not one of those people" He shook his head as his hands came under my eyes.

"You have a good heart. You haven't had the most fair circumstances. The people you grew up with, the people you've....let into your life" He breathed. I sighed. "I can't blame you for the way you play the cards you've been dealt" He shook his head.

"The fact that you're giving me a real shot to be in your life....I can't ever repay that" He shook his head. I swallowed.

"Nate, he'll come around---and Hastings..." He swallowed. "I went to school with his father, they are exactly the same" He shook his head. I sighed, dropping my shoulders.

"Yeah" I whispered. He tilted his head into my view. "And Chris is one of the most judgmental kids I've seen Nate hang out with" He chuckled. I smiled. "If you won him over, I have no doubt in my mind about you. And from the fact that you came from me....I think that makes you pretty cool" He smiled.

I sighed and rushed forwards and hugged him tightly. He stilled from my sudden embrace, before his arms came around me.

"Thanks Dad" I whispered. His breathing stilled, before I felt him release it and he hugged me tighter.

[stainedstardom]

screams

You don’t know me 27

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: smut, female receiving, emotional, sad

I was just gonna talk to him. I was just going to see how he's feeling. I'm not going to pressure him into a decision. I'm just gonna ask how he's feeling about every-

I paused when I turned and saw Chris walking towards my direction. He saw me and froze too.

We were both walking to each other's house's. I felt nerves come up my throat as my clicked my feet together and saw him push off his feet and complete the distance between us.

"Hey" His voice sang. "Hey" I breathed back.

"You talked to your dad" He stated looking down at me. I nodded and my lips fell into a straight line. "Nate, he told me" He motioned behind him towards his house. I sighed.

"How's he...?" I trailed off. Chris sighed and closed his eyes. "As happy as you'd imagine" He answered my non-finished question. I nodded breathing in. I could deal with my brother---weird feeling-----later.

Silence came between us.

"You're angry with me"

"I'm not angry" He said staring down at me. I stared up at him. "You saved my grandpa's house, he's had that house for like 30 years. How could I be angry?" He breathed looking down at me. I swallowed.

"You told me you didn't want me to interfere and I did. I'm sorry, it was selfish" I breathed. He let out a breath. "Your persistence is annoying, but I’ll never be angry with you Y/n." He breathed before a smile came across his face. I smiled softly.

"It's not what you wanted and I did it anyway, and I'm sorry" I breathed. He pursed his lips and nodded. "You were just trying to help, I understand" He breathed. I blinked at him.

I swallowed the nerves in my throat and he looked down at me. He licked his lips.

"I called my dad today" He said. I raised my eyebrows. "Oh? How'd that go?" I asked. He took in a breath. "He wanted me to come home" He said. I felt my heart raise in my throat, before I forced a nod.

"But he said it was my decision" He explained. I felt like my legs were gonna give out under me. "Okay" I couldn’t hide the shake in my voice.

"Are you gonna go back to Boston?" I asked softly. He parted his lips and looked down at me. The way that he was looking at me made me feel like whatever he was going to say next, I wasn’t going to like.

I swallowed as I felt tears come to my eyes uncontrollably. I hated how I couldn't hide my emotions.

"Y/n" He sighed. I shook my head trying to ignore the tears but my body shook. "No it's-" A unwelcomed sob came out of me before I felt his arms come around me. "Y/n" he breathed again. I pressed my face into his chest as I cried.

"I'm going for the weekend. I'm gonna see how it goes, If I even wanna move back. I haven't decided yet" He breathed making my cries slow down a bit. I looked up at him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. He shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around me. "Don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?" He whispered kissing the top of my head. I sighed as I basically fell against him.

"I don't want you to sway your decision. I didn't mean to cry" I whispered, feeling like a baby the way I couldn't hold back my tears. He leaned down before picking me slightly and pressing his lips against mine.

"You already sway my decison by being alive" He mumbled against my lips, making me smile. He set me back down. "I don't wanna think about it right now" He breathed his hands running down my shoulders.

The thought of Chris being somewhere that wasn't with me made me sick to my stomach. How could I not think about it? His immediate family was there, he spent the first 16 years of his life there. I couldn't blame him if he thought he's be happier there.

"Okay?" He smiled softly down at me. I nodded reaching up and wiping my eyes. "Okay" He smiled leaning down and wiping the tears that I didn't wipe myself.

"Now come on, I've got something planned" He smiled leaning down and wrapping his hand around mine. "Wh-What is it? I'm not dressed for a date--" I stuttered as he dragged me alone. He glanced over at me.

"You're wearing a skirt and a sweater, yes you are" He chuckled. I looked down at my outfit. "This is my day skirt, not my date skirt" I said quickly and he chuckled. "Oh yeah? What does this date skirt entail exactly?" He glanced down at me.

I smiled before pursing my lips.

"Oh you know just like....short, tight--"

"We're making a pit stop at your house" He said before I could finish. I chuckled as he pulled me closer to him.

-

"Chris" I breathed as we finally made it to the end of the trail. There were blankets and candles spread out at the edge of the clearing. I paused taking it all in. He smiled down at me.

"It's beautiful" I breathed.

"I know" He said, but he wasn't looking at the clearing. I blinked up at him smiling. I shook my head as a blush moved over my cheeks. I walked over to the blanket before running my hand over the basket that laid next to it, I pulled it open before revealing some flowers and some food.

"Hmm, did you make this food Christopher?" I smiled up at him. He chuckled before walking over and sitting down next to me. "I did, if it happens to taste it exactly like Taste of China…we used the same recipe" He said jokingly as I closed the basket.

I rolled my eyes before standing back up and walking over to the edge, seeing water over the drop off where the woods ended.

I felt Chris's arms around around me making me jump. "Oh my god, did you think I was gonna push you?" Chris chuckled, pulling me back against him and farther away from the edge of the rocks. I chuckled as his lips came in contact with the inside of my neck.

"Nothing you haven't done before" I chuckled placing my hand on my back of his head as his lips moved against my skin. "It's not my fault you're 18 and can't swim" He chuckled against my skin.

I turned around facing him. "So you're saying I can push you over this 50-foot drop since you can swim?" I chuckled. He shrugged. "It's not that far of a drop" He smiled. I pulled his waist and his feet planted.

"Oh my god I-I was kidding" He said backing away from me his eyes widening. I chuckled as I pushed his chest back and we walked away from the edge. He chuckled as he sat back down against the blanket.

"Is this why you took me out here? So you could taunt me about the fact that I can't swim?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. "No" He stated. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows.

“Come over here, I wanna show you why I took you here” He said opening his arms. I rolled my eyes before I walked over to him and sat next to to him.

He laid against the blanket and opened his arms. I smiled before I laid against his chest and his arms closed around me. I blinked up towards the sky, before seeing the stars laid out before me.

I let go of a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Wow” I breathed looking across the perfect night sky. “I know” He breathed looking down at me. I smiled up at him before pressing my lips to his.

He smiled against me.

“It’s not your secret spot, but it’ll do” I smiled pressing my chin to his chest. He rolled his eyes. “You’re so hard to please” He breathed. I smiled. “You already knew that” I said rolling back over so that I was against his chest.

“I’m learning the constellations” He breathed under me. I chuckled. “Are you?” I smiled looking up. He hummed under me.

His arm raised. “That’s Jupiter” he pointed towards the sky. I moved his arm over a few inches. “That’s Jupiter. And that’s a planet not a constellation” I chuckled.

“I know I was just testing you” He breathed under me making me chuckle. His hand raised again. “That’s Centaurus” He said. I turned around and looked at me. He smiled.

“What? How did you know that?” I asked quickly. He smiled. “I told you I was learning” He smiled. I felt a smile come so hard over my face, it hurt. I turned back looking at the stars.

“You interrupted me. I wasn’t finished” He said. I raised my eyebrows. “My apologies. Please, continue” I held back a chuckle. He let out a breath. He grabbed my hand and interlaced it with his before lifting our arms up together. I felt electricity shoot through my arm, as he moved them as one.

“That one is Canes Venatici” He traced the constellation with our fingers. I felt my heart pound with happiness as he spoke. He moved over slightly.

“That’s Monoceros” He explained, again tracing it with our hands in the sky again. I smiled. He moved our hands up.

“Lepus”

He traced our hands.

“That one is Y/n” He pointed at a certain star. I furrowed my eyebrows. “What?” I chuckled. He circled our hands around the singular star. “That star is Y/n” He stated again as if I hadn’t heard him the first time. I pulled my hand from his and looked back at him.

“No, I heard what you said. What are you talking about?” I chuckled. He smiled before reaching over me and into the basket before pulling out a piece of paper. I just watched him as he unfolded the paper.

“If you weren’t so focused on the food, Y/n.” He chuckled. “You would have seen this” He handed me the paper. I just looked at him as I grasped it.

“Read it” he motioned to the paper. I closed my open my mouth as I looked down at the paper.

Star Registration Certification

Star Name: The light of my Life, Y/n Doe

Coordinates: 42.2808° N, 83.7430° W

Certifed

I couldn’t help the wind being caught in my throat. “Chris” I breathed holding onto the paper. I looked over at him.

“You bought me a star?” I breathed blinking at him.

He smiled.

“I thought I’d get you something nicer than the plastic ones on your ceiling” He chuckled. I squealed before throwing the paper and wrapping my arms around him pulling him towards me. He chuckled from the sudden embrace. I pulled back kissing him lips passionately.

I pulled back and he looked in a daze.

“If I get that everytime I buy you a star, expect one every week” He breathed looking down at my with hooded eyes. I smiled and pressed my lips softly to his. He kissed me back.

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me” I whispered against his lips. He smiled and pulled back. “I’m sure that’s not true” He whispered. I rolled my eyes.

“You’re a romantic at heart Christopher Sturniolo” I smiled. He shrugged. “Yeah maybe I am.” I smiled down at me. “Or maybe you just make me that way” He whispered quietly.

He pulled me back down to his chest. I could lay here for ours. Our food seems forgotten in the basket as we just laid there looking up at the stars.

I sighed as his hands came to my sides.

He left tomorrow for Boston, but he’d be back on Monday. Hopefully. What if he decided to stay? He wouldn’t just stay without saying goodbye to me first right? Or at least tell me to my face he decided to stay. My chest tightened.

“Relax” His voice rang through my body. I took in a breath. “I’m relaxed” I lied. “You’re not, your body tenses when you think” He breathed, I felt his breath against my neck. I closed my eyes.

“I’m relaxed” I breathed again. His thumbs rubbed circles into my hips. I felt them almost burn through the fabric of my skirt. His touch was like fire.

“Baby” He tilted his head into my neck. “Mhm hm?” I hummed focused on his thumbs, trying to ignore the feeling it gave me.

“Do you need help relaxing?”

The pulse grew.

I swallowed.

I tilted my head back slightly so he had more access to my neck. That was my answer before his lips softly pressed against the spot below my ear. I took a breath in from the feeling, Boston now being the last thing on my mind.

He bit down. I took a breath in as my eyes closed. Fuck. His hand moved down to the bottom on my skirt slightly. I could audibly hear myself breathing.

From how long this whole ‘I have a new father and brother thing’ and ‘Chris might be moving back to East coast thing’ has been going on, I hadn’t realized how long it’d been since he touched me.

I realized quickly from how fast the pulse in between my legs quickened. His finger tips moved right under the bottom on my skirt, against my mid thighs. I sighed before spreading my legs farther apart slightly.

I felt him chuckle against my neck. I felt my face go red. “You’re so cute” He whispered. I closed my eyes. “I don’t wanna be cute, I was to be desirable” I whispered. He lifted his head from my neck and we met eyes.

“You think you can’t be cute and desirable?” He whispered. I blinked at him. “I don’t know, do you want lust after bunny rabbits?” I chuckled. His eyes widened. “Way to make it weird” He smiled and pressed his lips to mine briefly before parting.

“What do you wanna be?” He whispered his fingers trailing higher. I swallowed. “I don’t wanna be cute” I breathed. Who wants to be cute when their boyfriend’s hand is trailing up their skirt? No one.

“So what do you wanna be?” He repeated his question, pressing his nose to mine. “I wanna be sexy. That kind of desirable” I whispered, surprised the words even left my mouth. I’d doubt I’d even would have found the courage if it didn’t feel like Chris and I were the only two people in the world right now.

“Oh princess, you already are” He mumbled pressing his lips against mine. I smiled as he kissed me. He kissed me for a brief second before he turned back to our original position.

“What-What are you doing?” I questioned as he was now out of my view and his lips weren’t on mine. I shifted to where I wasn’t laying against his chest and his hands moved from my legs to my waist, before pulling me back.

“I want you to watch the stars”

I was dripping.

I didn’t respond, afraid my voice would have broke, or I would have uttered an incomplete sentence. I took in a breath as his hands trailed back down my legs. His fingers played with the bottom hem of my skirt.

“Is this okay?” He whispered. I nodded as I stared up at the night sky. “Words” His voice sang. “Yes” I breathed quickly. I felt his breath rise and fall under me as he pushed my skirt up to bunch up over my hips.

Aries

Cassiopeia

Hydrus

My eyes cascaded over the stars. My eyes fluttered as he pressed two of his fingers over my underwear, moving them back and forth softly.

I was no longer interested in the stars.

I shifted beneath him and swallowed as I spread my legs farther apart. His other hand that wasn’t feeling me over my underwear came over my shoulder, sending chills down my spine. I took in a breath.

One touch, and I was shivering.

I would have been embarrassed if I could think or hear anything other than the pulsing inside me. He pressed his lips to the top of my head.

“You’re so pretty, so perfect for me” He breathed as his fingers trailed over my collarbone bones. I swallowed as I pushed against his fingers. “Chris” I breathed. He let an out a breath.

“Yes, Princess” He hummed. I closed my eyes. “Please” I breathed. “Please what?” His hands trailed to the top of my underwear feeling the lace on the top of it.

“I miss your touch” I breathed and that was enough for him before his fingers hooked over my underwear and dragged them down. My breath halted as I felt the cold air against my most sensitive area.

I felt his cold fingers press against me, I blinked up at the sky and whined as his fingers moved across me. “I haven’t even touched you yet, baby you’re making a mess” He almost whispered. I closed my eyes.

It would be humiliating if I could think.

He fingers moved soft circles around me. I pressed against his back. He moved faster. I gripped his arm with one of my hands. It was crazy how fast he could get me going. I whined and closed my eyes.

“You’re not watching the stars” He breathed. My eyes opened as I was breathing like I was sprinting. He was moving fast, but not fast enough. He was pressing down, but not hard enough.

I pressed against his fingers desperately. He stopped before moving down and plunged into me completely with his fingers. I moaned before my legs bent upward.

“Feels…”

“Hm?”

“…good”

“Chris” I whined my eyes closing as I squirmed around. He moved at a slow, calm pace. I pushed against him again. “Faster, please” I breathed. I could tell he was holding back. I was so wet I could barely feel his fingers inside me.

He sped up his movements and curled his finger. My head tilted back and I moaned.

“Tell me I’m the only one who can make you feel like this”

“You’re—“ I bit my lip to hide a moan.

“You’re holding back” He breathed.

“So are you” I whined, dipping my head back against his shoulder from the pressure.

I tilted my head into his chest and whined as he sped up his movements faster. He knew the spot that drove me crazy, and he was hitting it every other movement. On purpose.

“Please, please. I need—“ I cried. He drove his fingers directly into the spot over and over. “Oh my- Chris” I nearly screamed as my back arched against him.

“Tell me im the only one who can make you feel like this” he repeated. I gripped his shirt. “You’re-you’re the only—fuck” I was close, my vision was hazy. I clenched against his fingers.

“I’m the only what?” He slowed. “The only one! The only person-“ as soon as the words left my mouth he stopped holding back. My body pulsed against him. My stomach curled as he hit his fingers inside me.

“Tell me you love me”

“Chris I love-“

He hit the spot, again.

Again.

Again.

Harder.

Harder.

“Fuck Chris—“ My body heaved before I released all over his hand. I tried to control my breathing before his fingers left me entirely and he pulled my skirt back down over my hips.

I rolled over until my face went pressed against his chest. “I love you Chris you know that” I whispered after a second and he let go out a breath. I lifted my head to connect our eyes. He looked from me to the sky.

"Hey" I pressed my hands against his face and he looked down at me. "You know that" I whispered. He stared at me for a second before he nodded. I leaned and pecked his lips softly.

"Talk to me, please" I whispered. He closed his eyes. "I'm scared" He whispered. I blinked up at him. Silence came between us. "Me too" I replied honestly.

What he was scared of? I had no idea.

What I was scared of? Him falling back in love with Boston. Him forgetting about everything in Michigan, Including me.

"The thing about fear is that there's only one thing that can overpower it" I whispered. He just looked at me, uncertainty all over his face. I laid my head against his shoulder.

"Love" I whispered. He didn't say anything, but he sighed and wrapped his arms around my back. "And I think out of everyone's love. Mine for you can do anything" I whispered. He leaned his head against mine and let out a breath.

"I know you have a flight early, but can you stay at my house? I know it's probably asking a lot but-"

"Of course I can" He said back before I could finished. I smiled against him. "I just need you there. Just for the last night" I whispered. He nodded as we just laid there.

[stainedstardom]

I LOVE HIM

You don't know me 26

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: mentions of family dramaaa

"Nate said that?" Chris mumbled as his hand played with my fingers. I just watched our hands together as I laid against him. "Yep" I sighed as he interlaced our fingers. Chris sighed as he dropped our hands.

"I don't blame him, he probably thinks I'm exactly like my mother" I sighed as I tilted my head to look up at him. He looked down at me. He shook his head. "It's not an excuse, you're two completely different people" Chris defended. I looked down, leaning my head back against his shoulder as we laid in his bed.

"I'm not trying to pin you against your best friend Chris"

"It's hard to not be against him"

"Chris"

"What?"

I closed my eyes feeling my stomach twist. "I didn't want this to happen" I mumbled. His hand disconnected from mine and his arms snaked around me. "We don't have to talk about it. I'm not trying to make you upset. I know today's been a lot for you" He whispered trying to ease the mood.

I rolled over causing his arms to shift as I laid on top of him. I smiled down at him, and pressed our noses together. He smiled.

"So are you just never gonna try and talk to James?"

I groaned and buried my face in his neck. I knew he was just curious, trying to push me forward. It wasn't his fault.

"It’s just not fair" He mumbled quickly, squeezing my sides. I hummed against him. I lifted my head and his eyes caught mine. "What about your dad? You don't talk to him" I said raising my eyebrows. His demeanor shifted and his hands released me and he looked away.

Struck a nerve. Shit.

"I just--If we're talking about child-parent relationships, you have a connection to your dad. Why don't-" I tried to recover poorly. "Don't go there, it's different" He mumbled shifting underneath me, but not pushing me off him.

"I just wanna make sure you're okay too" I whispered. "You're so worried about me, let me worry about you" I said trying to catch his eyes. He let out a breath.

"I'm moving back into their house, he'll have to like me somewhat. I'll be fine" He almost whispered. I looked away from him.

I still hadn't told him about my deal with my mom. If he had the option, I didn't even know if he would choose to stay. After all he was forced to move here, just because we were together doesn't necessarily mean that he wanted to stay.

"Have I told you that I loved you recently?" I whispered. He looked over at me before sighing. "I love you too" He whispered. I smiled and pressed my lips against his cheek softly and slowly before moving back to face him.

He glanced down.

"After they told me they were moving me into my grandpa’s house, I told them that I loved Rose more than I loved them" He stated. I just looked at him, feeling the shift of energy. I moved off of him, but kept my eyes on him. He moved and fear flashed across his eyes.

I reached over, connecting our hands. If we were going to have a serious conversation, I didn't want to be on top of him. I wanted him to know that I was listening, not that I was jealous from his words. I knew he loved Rose, I wasn't jealous of that anymore.

Once our fingers connected and a look of understanding crossed my eyes, he relaxed. "Did you mean it?" I asked softly as my thumb moved across the back of his hand. He leaned against the pillows looking up at the ceiling.

"I don't know" He mumbled. "I don't really know If I meant it, I just knew that it would hurt, so I said it" He said looking down at our hands. I studied his face. He was good at that, making words hurt. I knew that first hand, sadly.

"I'm not proud of it" He shook his head. "Yeah" I breathed. He looked over at me. "It's okay Chris, people do things out of hurt. It's a natural reaction, it's normal" I said. He shook his head. "Nothing about the way that I react is normal" He sighed closing his eyes. I swallowed.

"Do you wanna go back?" I hestiated. He looked over at me. "I don't wanna leave you" He whispered. I blinked at him. "That's not what I asked" I said softly. He just looked at me.

"I don't like making decisions, i'm not used to it. Every decision that has brought me to this point has been made for me." He said. I sighed closing my eyes. I shouldn't have opened this can of worms, because I was scared of what it entailed.

"I don't-" He paused.

"It's not that I don't want to go back, it's that I'm scared to go back" He whispered. I opened my eyes. He was looking at me. "That town holds memories that I don't want to remember. I felt like I was a different person there" He mumbled.

"A better person?"

"Y/n"

"If you had the choice, would you stay?"

He just looked at me, before turning. "Are you afraid that if you go back that remembering Rose would make you forget about me?" I asked disconnecting our fingers. His head snapped over to me.

"Y/n, No" He sat up looking down at me. "It's just--" He stopped closing his eyes. "Before I came to Michigan, I was never violent. I never started fights. Every emotion I felt didn't turn into anger. I was..." He swallowed.

"Happy" I finished for him. He glanced over at me. "I was just a different person" He breathed. I nodded sitting up.

"I love you"

"I know you do" I whispered. "I don't want to break up when I move" He swallowed. I looked over at him. "I'm serious" He grabbed my hand. I just watched him.

"If you had a choice. Would you stay?"

"Why are you acting like I have a choice?"

The door opened before Dan's eyes met mine. Chris turned his head to him. A smile crept onto Dan's face. I looked down at my lap. Just from Dan's face, reality crashed over Chris. I felt his eyes burn into mine.

I swallowed before removing my hand from his.

"I'll let you guys....." I breathed pushing off the bed and avoiding Chris's gaze. "Talk" I breathed before grabbing my shoes and moving past Dan's smiling face. I couldn't breathe as I walked down the hallway of his house.

-

I knew that life wasn't fair. I understood that and I was starting to except that. It wasn't fair for me to keep Chris here if it's not where he felt like he belonged. That being said, if Chris does leave.

I blinked up at the house, for the second time in two days.

I had to have someone.

I walked up the steps. I raised my fist to knock, but paused and turned and walked down the steps.

what if he doesn't like me?

what if he doesn't want me?

what if he looks at me and all he sees is my mom, like my mom does with him?

Doubt crept in. The thought of someone else not accepting me, make me sick to my stomach. He wanted to see me when I was a baby. What changed?

My feet hit the payment of the driveway before I heard a car door slam. I froze. If Nate saw me outside of his house again, I think he'd actually hit me. But a part of me knew it wasn't Nate this time.

I wasn't fully out of the driveway yet and I was frozen as I saw someone in my peripheral vision walking from a parked car on the street.

"Hello?" a voice rang. I felt my entire body shake. I forced my eyes up before I saw a man. The same color hair as Nate, tall, lean, scruff lining his face. He looked like Scott’s age.

He was holding something in his hands. A bag from a takeout place nearby. I don't remember the last time I had take-out food. I'd only really had prepared meals from our chef that stayed in our guest house.

I smelt the food as he got closer. Once we made eye contact, I looked down at my feet. "Uh, sorry I was just leaving" I mumbled quickly. I saw his feet pause in front of me. My whole body shook.

"Are you here for Nate? He just left to go play hockey with some guys at the old rink"

He didn't recongize me. I could get out of this.

"Yeah, I figured. I was just leaving" I said shaking my head. He tilted his head. I still hadn't look up.

"What's your name sweetheart?" His kind voice rang through me like a thousand bolts of electricity at the unthought aboutnickname. I felt a lump in my throat.

"Rose" I lied. The first name I thought of. I wasn't proud of it, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

"Well, Rose. I can give him a call, if you haven't already. He didn't tell me he was expecting-"

I looked up at him.

His smile dropped.

I bit my lip as he stared at me. We had the same eyes. Same round shape, same color. I swallowed. His face dropped in color as the realzation hit him.

"Y/n-" he barley got out before I moved on my feet.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come" I mumbled as tears filled my eyes. I heard the bag of food drop and steps come after me.

"Y/n, wait. Please"

I wiped my face as I stopped and turned to look at him. His mouth was parted as he search for words. I looked down feeling my chest clench.

"I shouldn't have come I-I'm sorry. I know you probably don't want to see me" I choked out as I tried to regain the feeling in my legs. "I've waited 18 years to see your face" he said making me look up at him.

He shook his head.

"Can I--" His voice shook. "Can I hug you?" He breathed. I blinked at him before I slowly nodded. He stepped forward before his arms came around me and he pulled me into his chest. He wasn't overly tall, a little taller than Chris and Nate, but not over 6 foot.

"My little girl" He breathed. Almost like he was saying it to himself not to me. I stood frozen against him, but he held me like he never wanted to let go. I swallowed before I allowed myself to hug him back.

We stood there for a second. In the middle of the driveway, just a daughter hugging her father. It felt like the world stopped spinning.

He pulled back from me and I saw tears in his eyes.

"Please, come inside" He said placing his hands on my shoulders. I opened my mouth and looked back towards the road. "I-" I breathed before looking back at him. Pure hope and almost....regret? Filled his face as he looked down at me.

"Okay" I nodded. He smiled before placing his hand on my back. He picked up the food off the ground, that lucky hadn't spilled, as he walked me towards the front door.

I felt my heart pound against my chest so loudly, it was all I could hear. I was scared. I was scared of Nate coming home early. I was scared of my parents---well my mother and Scott, finding out I was here. I was scared that the man I've built up in my head the past 24 hours wasn't the man I dreamt of. Or worse, he was.

I've gone back and forth. Felt every emotion. Anger, happiness, fear, anxiety, hopefulness, depression, doubt, every single one. Towards the man I had just laid eyes on for the first time.

He pushed the door open and I noticed that his hands were shaky. I walked in before him and my eyes drifted over his home. Nicer than Chris's, definitely not as nice as mine, but my favorite house I've ever seen.

A decent sized living room, with up to date furniture. A flatscreen tv in front of the couch with a Michigan State jeresy hung in the living room. It's where both my parents went to college, and now I'm assuming he went too.

The only thing that made my heart turn were the pictures lining the hallway of Nate. None of me. No reminisce of me, anywhere. Not that their would be. But it still hurt, because if you walked into the house you would have no idea I'd even existed to him. And that's exactly how I felt.

"C-Can I get you something to drink? Are you thirsty? Do you like tea?" He fired questions at me once we entered the living room. I opened my mouth as I tore my eyes away from the home decor and looked at him.

"I-uh..yeah sure" I mumbled. He let out a breath and smiled softly before walking into the kitchen. I just watched him as he reached for the fridge. White walls, a kitchen island, a loaf of bread on the counter, and a sign that read:

In this house we EAT

I smiled softly, it went away fast, I barley even realized it happened. I let out a breath as I turned and looked around. One set of stairs that led to the second floor and a railing that overlooked the living room from upstairs. I let out a breath seeing pictures of Nate in hockey uniforms lining the walls. It felt like a knife in my throat.

"Shit"

I turned seeing he spilled some tea onto the counter. His hands shook against the bottle of tea. He closed his eyes and took in a breath before moving and grabbing a paper towel.

At least I wasn't the only one losing their shit right now. I looked down at my hands and clasped them together before I heard footsteps entering the living room.

"Here you go" He smiled handing me a cup of iced tea. I looked down at it and looked up at him. "Thank you" I breathed. He sighed and wiped his hands against his jeans, nodding.

"I normally don't have tea, but Nate-he likes-" He started to say. I bit my lip and looked down at the mention of Nate. His son. My brother. You know the one he didn't pretend didn't existed for 18 years?

"Do you want to sit?" He asked pausing his previous sentence, probably due to my reaction, and motioned towards the couch. I forced a small smiled and nodded before I froze bringing my cup over the carpet.

I wasn't allowed to have drinks or food in the living room at home. I remembered once I had orange juice in the living room and spilled in on the white carpet.....I wasn't allowed to drink orange juice ever again and was placed on a water-only diet until I was 12.

12

They were angry over it for 5 years.

He noticed my hestitation. I glanced at the carpet before kicked off my shoes and holding the cup close to my body as I walked slowly over the carpet before placing it in the middle of the table next to the couch. That way, if I moved my arm or my legs I wouldn't knock it over on the carpet.

I lifted my hand from the cup calmly before sitting on the couch. He was already sitting my the time I did my ritual. He just looked at me. I couldn't read him. But I knew I saw a hint of confusion. I looked down and noticed he was wearing boots.

Dirty boots.

Like he had just gotten off a job sight. And his feet were placed against the carpet. His boots against the carpet. His dirt filled boots, against the wool.

I looked up at his eyes realizing how insane I must have looked taking off my shoes and making sure there was no possible way for me to harm his carpet with my feet or my drink.

I swallowed and looked down at my lap.

"Sorry" I whispered. He didn't say anything for a second and I heard him smack his lips before speaking.

"You're beautiful. You've grown up a beautiful girl, Y/n" He breathed. I could tell he was practically begging for me to look up at him, and I wanted to, but I couldn't.

It's not like you would have known. My mind rang at his words.

But I couldn't even find myself to be angry. I found myself to just be hurt, fighting back tears. "Thank you" I whispered. He took in a breath as his hands slid down his jeans.

"How-" He paused, licking his lips. "Did your mother tell you?" He asked softly. I blinked up at him. I noticed how he said mother instead of Clara. I wondered if it was as hard for him to say Clara, as it was for my mother to say James.

"No" I stated blankly. "But she knows I know" I said. He nodded and looked down. I pulled my legs up against my chest, like I did when I felt like I had nothing else to hold onto.

"Okay" He breathed. I turned and looked at him. He looked at me. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to do this. I wasn't prepared to-" He swallowed stopping himself. I closed my eyes.

"I know you're probably very angry and confused" He shook his head. "And feel like you've been lied to" He shook his head. Bingo James, nailed it right on the head.

“But I promise you when I say that not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about you—“ He breathed shaking his head. I just watched him. He swallowed trying to contain his emotions.

“Why did you never try to see me?” I whispered. He took in a breath before looking at the ground. “When your mother…” He swallowed. Just like my mother, it looks like it pained him to speak about it,

“Decided for the both of us that she was going to say you were his-“ He didn’t have to clarify who ‘his’ was, because we both knew it was Scott.

“If I had tried to reach out to you, or be in your life, he wouldn’t have understood why” He stated shaking his head. I could feel the regret forming in his words.

“And I obliged to your mom’s wishes to just stay out of it” He breathed. I just watched him. “Because you loved her” I stated. He closed his eyes and looked at me.

“The moment I agreed to pretend that you weren’t mine—“ His face tightened and I saw tears line his eyes. “I’ve hated a part of myself ever since” He whispered, shaking his head. He looked down.

“I don’t expect you to believe anything I’m saying. My dad was never present. If he told me something like this I would probably tell him to piss off” He shook his head. I just watched him. It was something I should do, but I didn’t have anything else but to believe him.

“Don’t take this as creepy as it sounds, but..” He paused. “I know about your life. I know you were on the debate team. I know you were dating the Hasting’s son for a while. I know that when you were little, your hair was lighter than it is now, and I know that you favorite color is purple because you wear it so much. Luckily for me, Clara can’t kick me off social media. Even though I agreed to not see you, I still wanted to know how your life was going. If it was good. If you were happy” He finished hesitantly.

I just looked at him before hope sparked in me. There was no way of him knowing that without him actually meaning what he said, he kept up with my life. I looked down at my feet. That doesn’t fix the strain on my trust. Sadly my trust for people as dwindled deeply from what I’ve been through these past few months.

“I don’t know how to trust you” I breathed honestly. “I don’t expect you to trust me. You’ve been lied to your whole life, I’ve lied to you. Your mother has lied to you” He shook his head.

“I’m not expecting you to run into my arms or even call me dad” He sighed pausing softly after dad. I felt my heart ripple.

“But if you want a relationship with me-“ He shook his head. “There is nothing I’ve wanted more in my entire life and I will not take it for granted” He said meeting my eyes. I just looked at him.

He licked his lips.

“But if that’s not what you want, I can completely understand” he tilted his head, like it pained him to say it. “If you just came here to hear the truth, I can understand that too” He nodded softly.

I looked around the house before looking back at him. “Did you ever marry?” I asked suddenly. He looked up at me, blinking. Like he was shocked by the question.

“I—I didn’t see any pictures of a female on the walls. Only Nate. I didn’t know” I whispered shaking my head. He took in a breath raising his eyebrows before he shook his head.

“I never married” He answered my question. I nodded and looked down. "Nate's mother wasn’t....." He said looking in front of him. "someone I even wanted to be with, to put as bluntly as possible" He shook his head. A rebound. He meant to say.

"I think the greatest thing to come out of my past mistakes were you and Nate" He said glancing over at me. The corners of my mouth turned up before they fell back flat.

"I came here before today." I admitted. He just watched me. "I ran into Nate" I explained. James closed his eyes and sighed. "When did you tell him I was his sister?" I asked softly. He pursed his lips.

"He saw me looking through Clara's page--pictures of you-" He glanced at me. "Before he accuse me of something absurd, I explained to him everything." He glanced at me. I nodded. I realized how weird it would look to see him stalking a teenage girl online if you didn't know the circumstances.

"That was at the beginning of the summer, about 10 months ago" He breathed. I sighed. "I should have told him sooner. It had always been Nate and I since the beginning and....I just should have told him, but I didn't what to explain that his father willingly gave up his first child and barley tried to fight" He swallowed. Guilt lined his tired eyes.

"I read the letters, you fought" I said softly. He looked up at me, surprised by my statement. I didn't know if it was from the fact that I read the letters or that I told him that he did fight.

"I didn't know she kept the letters" He stated.

The fact that I read the letters.

"I'm not like my mother"

"You're very much like your mother" He nodded looking at me.

I looked up at him. He sighed. "The Clara that I knew, maybe not the one you know" He corrected himself. I bit my lip and looked down. "Not the one I know" I whispered shaking my head, he just watched me. I looked up at him.

"Can I ask you something?" I said. He nodded quickly. "Why does Nate hate me so much?" I whispered. He licked his lips and looked down. "When I have to go to Clara's page-" He shook his head.

"And I have to see picture of her, Scott, and you all together. As much as it makes me happy to see how you're doing....seeing you with Scott and Clara and not me, as adolescent as it is….It makes me angry.” He sighed.

“So when Nate questioned me, I was already on edge from seeing her page, that I said some things about your mother that I shouldn't have, out of anger." He stated.

"I didn't paint her in the best light, and Nate's so....." He looked up trying to find the right words.

"Mouthy?" I asked, letting a chuckle escape James's throat. "I was going to say intutative" He said glancing over at me. I smiled and looked down. "He must have thought, like mother like daughter" He said looking at me.

I sighed as the realization washed over me. Nate hearing what his father went through with Scott and Clara and her seeing them both, he must have thought I'd do the exact same thing with Chris and Max. No wonder he hated my guts.

"I see" I nodded. "Must be why he hated seeing me with Chris so much" I said looking up at James. His eyebrows rose. "Chris?" His face lightened. I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips.

"Yeah" I smiled running my finger over the fabric of the couch. James leaned back. "Chris has a good heart—bad temper, but a good heart" James smiled. I nodded in agreement.

"I was with Max and I started seeing Chris kind of in the middle of it and...." I shook my head. James just watched me. "Needless to say Nate didn't approve" I said meeting James's eyes. James nodded. "I see" He breathed.

"Are you still seeing Max?" He asked. I shook my head. "No, he had a bad temper and a bad heart" I explained. James pursed his lips. "I'm not proud of how I got to where I am with Chris. But I love him. So I guess...Like mother like daughter" I breathed looking up at James. He nodded.

"You're exactly how I imagined you'd be" He breathed looking at me. I smiled and shook my head. "What does that mean?" I asked softly. He smiled. "A little bit of Clara and a little bit of me" He smiled. I looked down and smiled.

"Is it bad that I feel like a cheater all over again talking to you without Nate's knowledge?" I asked softly. James sighed. "Let me worry about Nate, he's my son. He can't be mad at me" He said placing his hand on my knee.

"You think he'll except this?" I asked softly. James face lightened. "You mean you want to have a relationship with me?" He asked softly.

I have no one else left. Doubt filled my mind.

I haven't had an adult speak with me in such love before. Hope clouded the doubt.

I nodded softly. "If you're open to it" I breathed motioning to him. He smiled before sitting up and pulling his arms around me. I smiled and let his embrace consume me.

"You're my daughter. I'd sail across the world for you" He breathed against me. I smiled as I hugged him back.

[stainedstardom]

this is evil but i love it

zero intamacy

wanted to break a couple of hearts cause valentines day is today

For as long as she could remember, Y/N had always fallen for the wrong guy. Whether that be a handsy jerk or an inattentive listener, Y/N had always picked someone who didn’t really care about her the way she wanted them to.

But that all changed when she met Chris Sturniolo. No one had ever made her feel the way Chris made her feel. Everytime their hands brushed or he gave her that glowing smile, she felt her stomach fill with butterflies. She was completely and irreversibly smitten.

So, when Chris asked her if she wanted to go to a party with him and his brothers she immediately said yes. It would be perfect! It was Valentine’s Day and the mood of the party would give her the confidence she needed to confess her feelings to him.

Y/N heard the baker of a horn outside and she quickly rushed to put on some lip gloss, she quickly rushed outside where she saw the familiar van parked by the curb. She hopped into the car where she was immediately greeted by Nick and Matt.

“Hey,” Chris turned in his seat and smiled at her.

“Hi,” she replied, quickly shooting a smile back at him.

“Can we go now,” Nick whined, earning an eye roll from Matt, who despite being annoyed, quickly raced off into the night.

Y/N felt herself move along with the music. The house was completely red, bathing everyone in a reddish glow, several balloons were floating among the ceiling heart shaped and small in size. Plenty of people were dressed up in red and pink and some were even dressed as cupids to go along with the theme.

Y/N locked eyes with Chris across the room, he was smiling and having a good time as he danced and sung to one of his many favorite songs, Y/N felt herself smile as well.

Then a slow song came on and several couples started to dance with each other, Y/N decided this was her chance to get to talk to Chris.

She tapped him on the shoulder, “You want to dance?”

His smile slipped a little, surprised by the question but seeing the want in her eyes he shrugged and said, “Ok.”

As Chris placed his hands on her waist, she felt herself shudder. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and they began to sway to the beat. Being this close to him, she could see the faded freckles littering his face, she could smell his cologne and she smiled to herself thinking how safe she felt in his arms.

He looked at her and raised a brow, a little confused but amused, “I feel like I’m in middle school again, you know? It’s kind of corny.”

She felt her confidence slip a little but she pressed on, “Chris, can I tell you something?”

“Yeah sure what’s up,” giving her his undivided attention.

“I—I have feelings for you.”

“Oh.”

Y/N now could fully feel her confidence waver but for some reason her mouth kept moving, “You’re just like no one I’ve ever met before. You make me feel so….,” but as she said this he let go of her.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and he signed, “Y/N you know how much I care about you but I don’t feel the same way. You’re awesome and all but I only see you as a friend and I’ll only ever see you that way. Im sorry if I gave you the wrong idea.”

Y/N felt as if her skin was on fire, she could feel the thousands of eyes on her, on them. She struggled to find the words, oh god the way Chris was looking at her with pity in his eyes. She wanted to throw up, to be swallowed into the floor.

“Um ok,” was all she could bring herself to say. Had she tried to say anymore she would have burst into tears.

“Y/N—“ but she didn’t hear the rest, because she was running outside. As she felt the cool air wrap around her, Y/N felt tears slip down her face. She called an Uber and threw herself in the car the minute it arrived. She felt herself relax against the leather seats, beginning to calm down.

She felt her phone buzz and a sick and twisted part of her hoped that it was Chris, saying it was just a joke that he really did care about her and he wanted to be with her. But as she opened the notification, she was horrified at the result. It was one of those instagram accounts dedicated to exposing all the details about influencers and celebrities lives, a picture of Chris flashed crossed across the screen.

The worst part?

It was a picture of Chris in the party they had just been in, passionately kissing another girl. The post reading, “chris sturniolo allegedly kissing his girlfriend at a party?! can you say happy valentines day?!”

[stainedstardom]

cries

You don't know me 25

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: family DRAMA.

"Y/n"

"I can't talk right now" I pushed past Sydney. She chased after me, grabbing my arm. "Sydney! I said I can't fucking talk to you right now okay?" I snapped glaring at her. She froze, before taking a step back. I sighed and looked down at my feet.

"Y/n, I'm sorry okay? It's been hovering over my head since the day after the party, but you were going to see Chris still and I thought that If I said anything about that, and not about you and Chris to Max it would be--"

"The party? You've known since after--" I paused. It didn't matter. I didn't care about that stupid petty drama about who cheated on who, who knew, who didn't, who did it first---Simply, Fuck that. It was the last thing on my mind.

"Sydney--I'm not mad about that okay?" I said shaking my head. She paused looking at me. I turned to direction of my house slightly. "I-I'm dealing with some family shit right now, I just don't have time for this" I breathed shaking my head, feeling the exhaustion take over me.

She blinked at me.

"So you're not mad I didn't tell you?"

"No-No Sydney. I'm not mad" I said pinching the bridge of my nose. She shifted on her feet.

"You promise?" She mumbled. I looked at her. The last thing I needed was to be dealing with this. "Sydney. I have to go" I stated staring at her. She swallowed and looked down at her feet. "You still seem mad" She mumbled. I groaned and pressed my hands to my face.

"I just found out that my father isn't actually my father, Nate is my brother, and my mother had an affair and lied to me whole life about it. So yes i'm angry, not at you. But I'm angry---Can I go now?" I snapped staring at her. Her mouth fell open.

"Wha--?" She breathed shaking her head. I let out a breath before sitting down on the curb and pulling my knees to my chest. I was tired, just tired. She stood there for a second and sat down next to me, slowly.

"You're not a Labraut?" She asked softly. I stared at the ground. "Nope, still wanna be friends?" I breathed shaking my head. She chuckled and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"I don't care what your last name is" She whispered. "I just know that I love who you are, it doesn't matter what your name is or isn't" She whispered. I smiled and leaned my head against hers.

"Does Chris know?"

"Chris knew"

She lifted her head and I looked over at her. "What?" She said loudly. I nodded and looked down. She shook her head. "Why wouldn't he--" She paused when she saw me expressionless, putting together everything. Everything she's thinking right now--I've already thought.

She sighed. "Y/n, I'm sorry" She shook her head. I pushed my finger over the concreate below me. "Yeah, everyone is" I mumbled. She frowned and looked down at me. Silence fell between us for a second.

"I just don't know what to do now" I whispered shaking my head. She just looked at me. I pulled at my hair. "I feel like my entire life has flipped upside down these past 6 months and I don't even know who I am anymore." I swallowed.

"The blow up and breakup with Max. My parent’s disappointment with that. My boyfriend's leaving to Boston, My dad isn't my dad, I have a new brother?" I scoffed shaking my head from how ridiculous I sounded. It didn’t even sound like real life. I pressed my chin to my knees. "I don't know what’s going on" I whispered.

Her arm came over me.

"Everything that's happening to you--" She shook her head. "It's not your fault" She breathed. I looked over at her. "If you really think about it" She squinted. "Everything that's happening sucks, yes" She nodded. I chuckled and nodded.

"But" She smiled. "It all has a good outcome" She breathed. "You cheating on Max, Max cheating on you" She explained. "It gave you Chris" She said. I looked down, I guess that was true.

"You told me you never felt like a Labraut, it's because you never were one. Now you don't have to be one" She said. I sighed.

"And Chris leaving?" I asked blinked at her. She opened her mouth and then closed it, swallowing. "I--I didn't think that one through yet" She mumbled, her arm coming off me. I smiled and shook my head, wiping my eyes.

I turned to her. "I hope I didn't ruin your formal" I mumbled. She smiled and let out a laugh. "I actually didn't make it to the dance" She said looking down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "You and Cayden get lost in the backseat?" I joked smiling. Her smile faded.

"No he-he uh.." She swallowed. "He broke up with me" She nodded looking over at me. I sat up looking at her. "Sydney, I'm so sorry" I whispered. She shook her head looking off in front of her.

"Don't be he was---he wasn't--" She mumbled. "Anything really" She whispered. I swallowed feeling her pain. "Sometimes I felt like I was only ever really with him to keep up with you and Max" She mumbled. I bit my lip.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way" I whispered. She shook her head. "You didn't" She said quickly. "In a weird way I felt like I always looked up to you" She explained looking at me. I just watched her.

"It was about time Cayden and I ended anyway. He was about as deep as a kiddy pool" She chuckled. I smiled. "My parents weren't happy of course" She sighed leaning back. I pursed my lips. She shrugged.

"But whatever right?" She smiled. I chuckled and nodded. "It's not as interesting information as finding out you have a new brother and dad. I bet you lost your mind" She chuckled. I smiled and nodded.

"Syd, you should have seen me this morning. I didn't even mean to figure that out, I was just running through the house just trying to find something that could help---"

I paused as a thought hit me. She looked at me. "What?" She asked seeing me pause. I scrambled to my feet as I looked down at her. She looked up at me. "What!" She asked again shaking her head.

"I have to go--I-" I said pointing to the direction of my house. She stood up, shaking her head. "No, yeah--go-go" She waved me off. I smiled before pushing off my feet and running towards my house.

-

I pushed open my door before seeing my mother pacing back and forth in the kitchen. She froze when she saw me. I just looked at her. She swallowed and pressed her hands together.

"Tell me everything" I breathed staring at her. She nodded quickly before pulling out a chair for me to sit in. I looked from her to the chair before walking over and slowly sitting down in it.

She paced in front of me, before stopping and taking in a breath and looking at me. I stared up at her. "Okay" She nodded pursing her lips and closing her eyes.

"You think I don't know you" She blinked her eyes looking down at me. I glared up at her. She nodded. "I do, I know you" She breathed. She pressed her hands against the counter. "Because sometimes when I looked at you, I see myself when I was your age" She shook her head.

I couldn’t think of a worse comparison. It made my stomach knot.

I leaned back watching her, not wanting to fight, but wanting to hear her explain. "Mom" I said. She looked up at me and nodded, pressing her hands to her face. "Okay" She breathed shaking her head, like she was figuring out a way to tell me how and why my entire life was a lie. Her hands dropped.

"I started dating your father when I was a little younger than you are" She explained. "Not my father" I corrected her. Her eyes snapped to mine. "Scott" She corrected staring into my soul. I nodded.

"He came from money" She breathed holding out her hand. My eyes drifted to her hand. "I came from money" She placed her other hand out before pressing them together.

"We just made sense" She nodded. I stared at her. She looked down at her feet. "I met James-" She paused as if saying his name physically pained her. She swallowed. "I met James--" She stated stronger. "A year or two after I started seeing Scott, we were in college" She nodded before biting her lip and looking off to the side.

"I'm not proud for what I did" She swallowed. "You were seeing them both at the same time?" I asked softly. She looked back at me, and I knew my answer. I nodded and looked down, hating that I started seeing similarities between me and my mother.

"Did you love him?" I whispered. She looked down. "James?" I asked to clarify. She placed her hands on the counter leaning over. "I did" She nodded. I just looked at her. "Did you love him more than Scott?" I asked softly. She took in a breath.

"I loved Scott differently" She said looking down at me. "You loved what Scott could give you" I corrected her. Her jaw tightened. "You--" She shook her head. "You don't understand the situation Y/n. That was not true" She breathed. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I found out I was pregnant when I was 21" She explained. I sat up. "You were seeing them both for years?" I gasped. She closed her eyes, trying to breathe. I sat back in disbelief. I couldn't imagine keeping up with even what I did for years.

"I found out I was pregnant" She said tilting her head at me. "And I panicked" She sighed nodding. I felt my gut clench. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I found out I was pregnant right now. She must have been so scared.

"How did you know it was James's and not Scott's?" I whispered. She looked down. "You just know" She breathed. I nodded and looked at my lap. "James knew it was his too, but if Scott found out I was seeing James, I knew he would leave me" She explained. I swallowed.

"So I told him it was his" She said. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"So you never hated me because I wasn’t a boy, you hated me because I was his" I said looking at the counter. She shook her head. "No" She said quickly.

"What I felt with James was something that only happens once, but I was young, I was stupid, I did some things I shouldn't and I made my decision. I chose Scott" She explained. She walked over to me before placing her hand under my chin. I moved from her touch.

"I'm cold, I get that. I get how it isn't fair to you" She said lowering her hand. "When I looked at you I'm reminded everyday of my decison, everyday of him. And all the guilt and sorrow that comes with that" She swallowed.

"You have his eyes" She nodded at me. I looked down. "So Nate's my..." I breathed. "Half brother" She nodded. I looked up at her. "About a few months after I had you, he was started seeing another girl. He got her pregnant and they had Nate, right before you turned one." She sighed.

I closed my eyes. "It's not fair that you never told me. It's not fair you kept me from my dad" I glared at her. She closed her eyes. "It was the only way. Y/n, I didn't have a choice. I never planned for you to find out" She glared over at me.

"Why didn't you chose James?" I breathed. She paused looking at me. She sighed and looked down. "A part of me never thought I deserved him in the first place. The other part knew it would have been a discrase to the family name. Seeing a Labraut and then having a baby with a Doe. I would have been disowned by my parents" She shook her head. She glanced over at me.

"Sometimes love just isn't enough" She swallowed shaking her head. I nodded and looked down.

"I won't tell Scott" I nodded. She let out a breath and pressed her hand to her chest. "Oh my god. Thank-"

"Under two conditions" I swallowed meeting her eyes. She paused and stood up straight. I stood up off the chair. "You give Dan his job back" I said looking at her. She took in a breathed and closed her eyes.

"Your father---Scott he made the decison--" She shook her head.

"You give. Dan....his job back" I repeated. She looked at me before nodding softly. "Chris stays in Michigan" I said pointing down. She swallowed and nodded.

"And" I stated. She looked up. "You accept the fact that I love Chris, and nothing is going to change that" I swallowed. "Even if Scott doesn't" I breathed. She nodded letting out a breath.,

"Okay" She nodded. I smiled. "Good" I breathed looking at her. The front door pushed open before I heard the steps of Scott's shoes. I turned before seeing his eyes land on me.

"Everything okay?" He breathed before his hand came against my mother back. I looked between them before turning.

"Yep"

-

I swallowed as I looked up at the house. I almost had the courage to knock.....20 minutes ago. I've been talking myself down ever since. I swallowed as I shifted on my feet.

"Hi Dad" I whispered to myself before shaking my head. "What's up Dad?" I said again before shaking my head. "Where ya been the last 18 years Dad?" I sighed pressing my hands to my face.

How do I face a man knowing he's my father and also knowing he gave up on me?

"Y/n?" The door slammed. My eyes shot up before landing on Nate. I froze. My mouth parted. He walked towards me narrowing his eyes. He stopped when he was right in front of me. I swallowed.

We fucking do look alike.

Why did I never notice?

"What are you doing here? Chris isn't here" He said turning and looking at his house, then back to me. I shifted on my feet. "No, yeah. I know" I swallowed meeting his eyes again.

"Listen, you can't be here" Nate said staring at me. I blinked at him. "Did you come to talk to me?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, feeling the knot in my stomach. Also feeling the tears in my eyes.

"You know"

I blinked my eyes open and nodded softly. He took in a breath and turned his head. "I'm gonna kill Chris" he mumbled under his breath. "Chris didn't tell me. I found.....letters in my Mom's closet from your---our dad" I swallowed. Nate took in a breath.

"He's not your dad. He's my dad" He clenched his jaw. "He's mine too" I glared at him. He shook his head. "No. He’s not." He breathed staring at me. "Nate" I sighed.

"I don't want any part of you" He pushed past me. "You are part of me. I'm part of you" I defended myself looking at him. He paused before turning around.

I could almost feel the emotion cascading off his back. I swallowed feeling chills all over me. He was my brother. Well half-brother, but yesterday I woke up with no siblings and today I woke up with a half brother who hates me.

"This effects me too you know" I swallowed, wrapping my arms around myself. "I've never had a sibling and---" I felt my voice shake. I didn't know how to do this, I didn't know how to get him to like me.

He just stared at me, glaring hard. "I know you don't know me that well, and whatever you do know--you hate. But--" I felt a lump in my throat. "I've never had a family really" I shook my head.

"My dad isn't my dad" I explained shaking my head. "My mom hates me because I'm his-" I said glancing over to the front door of his house. Nate stepped towards me when I turned back to him.

"I'm sure your life was just miserable, Y/n" He stated through gritted teeth. I physically felt my body sink as he stepped towards me. "And I get it really, I feel for you. All the nice cars, the nice house, the expensive watches" He narrowed his eyes at me. I looked down at my feet.

"But my dad doesn't deserve this" He shook his head. "I'll except the fact that you might be my sister, but do not drag my father into this. The last thing he needs is another Labraut ruining what he has left" He said shaking his head down at me.

I pinched my lips together. "Nate" I sighed feeling the tears weld at my eyes. He shook his head before he shrugged his bag over his shoulder and walked away from me.

"Leave before he sees you" He mumbled as he walked away. I looked down at my feet trying to catch my emotions under order as I heard the faint steps of his feet finally turn away. I swallowed as I turned back towards the door.

I wondered if James would have had the same reaction as Nate if he had seen me, if I had not been stopped by Nate before I was able to see him, for the very first time. Maybe Nate was right. Maybe James was better off pretending he didn't have a daughter. He's been doing it pretty well the past 18 years.

As I let out a final breath and stepped away from the house wondering if I ever would belong to a family. Right now, the only family that felt like home was Chris. But sometimes a daughter just needed their father, and they needed their father to need them back.

-

"I'm sorry"

"I'm so sorry"

We froze at each other's words before I smiled and shook my head.

"Chris"

"No, Y/n. What I kept from you---It wasn't right and I--"

I paused his voice my leaning up and wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. He froze before accepting the hug and squeezing me back, sighing. "Oh, Y/n" He mumbled against my neck. I just held him tighter.

"I overreacted, I was hurt by my mom and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have expected you to betray Nate's trust for me. I'm so sorry" I swallowed against his neck, because I was, so sorry. How do you even tell someone something like that?

Oh yeah you know Nate? Yeah, he's actually your brother--Let me explain?

"I still should have told you" He mumbled back. I pulled back. He smiled sadly down at me. "How are you feeling?" He asked his hands still around my waist as he rubbed comforting circles against my hips.

"As well as someone who found out their dad isn't actually their dad can feel" I nodded, he smiled and sighed before pulling me back to him and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"What can I do?" He mumbled. I leaned against his chest letting out a breath, wrapping my arms around his back. “Just be here" I whispered. He pulled me tighter. "I can do that" He whispered. I smiled as I let the presence of him consume me, because It was all I can do. It's all I had left.

And for once it was enough.

[stainedstardom]

I LOVE ANGST

Spaces (Matt Sturniolo)

contains: angst, a not-so-happy ending, cheating allegations, general frustration, verbal argument, 800+ words

a/n: y'all this will be a two parter so stay tuned. love ya!

“And you have to go tonight?” I shift my phone to my other ear, trying to keep my tone neutral.

“Yeah, baby. It’s a last-minute collab. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” Matt says, his voice fading in and out of clarity as he shuffles through his room grabbing clothes.

“No, I mean, it’s fine. I just thought we’d-”

“Sorry, hold on. Nick! I swear to god, if you still have my sweater, I’m gonna kill you.” Matt yells up the stairs. I pull the phone away from my ear and count to five. I’m trying to stick to my plan and not be a problem but this kid is making it hard. I call Matt’s name twice but, when he doesn’t answer, text him that I’ll talk to him later and hang up.

It makes no sense that him canceling our date tonight is bothering me so much, but I can’t help it. It’s really starting to feel like our lives are running parallel to each other and I don’t know how to get them to connect. I have only seen him in person twice in the last three weeks and this is the fourth time this month that he’s cancelled on me. I’m doing my best not to take it personally; of course, he’s busy. But, don’t people make time for what they want? Am I still what he wants?

I run my hand over my face and try to shake it off. I think about calling my best friend but I doubt Nick will give me any good advice about his brother. God, I gotta get more friends.

I flop onto my bed face down and do one of those movie screams into my pillow to see if it makes me feel better. Huh. Surprisingly effective. My phone dings and I glance over at it:

Matty B🧊:

Call you as soon as I land. Love you

Yeah if he doesn’t have 80 more important things to do. I roll over and close my eyes. Maybe after a nap, I won’t feel so jaded.

*************************************

I wake up to the sun rising in a panic, sure that I must have missed Matt’s call. But, nope. Instead, it's my TikTok that’s going crazy with over 100 people tagging me in some video. I take a deep sigh before clicking it, already knowing it can’t be good. The video is of Matt and a pretty TikTok girl whose name I can’t remember. They’re at some party and standing a little closer than I'd like. The video is quick, only maybe 4 or 5 seconds, and there’s nothing super incriminating. The way they are tagging me and going off on him in these comments, you’d think he was fucking her in the middle of the dance floor.

I exit the app and go to call Matt before I stop myself. Okay, maybe the video isn’t that crazy. But not calling when you said you were and then going to a party instead AND having the internet blowing my phone up? That’s beyond me. If Matt wants to talk, he’s gonna call me first.

I get up and head to my shower, deciding to reach out to my coworker and see if she’ll have breakfast with me.

*************************************

“So you think he’s cheating?” Kayla asks, reaching over to give my phone back.

“Nah. If I thought that, please know I’d be on a flight getting ready to cause mayhem.” I laugh. “I just want to know that he’s still in this like I am.”

“I get that.” She says with a sigh, resting her face on her palm. “Y’all need better communication.”

Just as I’m about to agree, my phone goes off. Guess Matt’s awake. I reach down and click the side button to silence it. I’ll call him back later.

“Anyway, what’s up with you and that strawberry guy?”

“Girllllllll…”

When we are done eating, we part ways making plans to meet up again next week. I finally check my phone again and my eyes widen at the amount of times the triplets have collectively called me. Nick alone has Facetimed me 13 times. “What the fuck?” I mutter under my breath before I click Matt’s name.

He answers quickly, his voice rushed. “Whatever you think I did, it’s not fucking true.”

“Um, whatever happened to hi, how are you-”

“I’m deadass serious.” He cuts me off, his tone sharp.

“Oh okay. So you didn’t blow off calling me to go to a party?” I say, making my tone just as lethal. “And you didn’t have the internet blowing my fucking phone up this morning?”

“If you honestly think-”

“That you are that stupid? Matt. I’m not that insecure. But, I don’t appreciate the way you’re handling me at all. And I promise you if you keep it up, you’re gonna lose me.” I end the call and toss my phone back into my jacket pocket, heading back to my car.

[stainedstardom]

i giggled so hard

𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝

summary: you didn't know that getting into a fist fight would lead to an angsty love confession.

you had never been one to fight. 

you were shy and reserved; a tranquil lake of calmness, a cat who brushes up to people over time, the warm wind on a hot summer night. of course, one would think that you and matt would relate on a quieter level. however, this wasn't the case. matt had always seemed cold ever since you popped into his life after befriending nick and chris. sure, he tolerated you and drove you around when his brothers asked, but he rarely spoke any words to you, let alone a full sentence. 

you were constantly alienated from his perspective; you were a newcomer in a town where everyone grew up together with bonfires and small town drama. he didn't want to open up to the new girl. so, of course, you returned the favor. you didn't hate matt, and you don't think he hates you, but you two could rarely keep a conversation going. in fact, you've never really had a conversation with him. you tried to befriend him. you tried to include him in everything, especially with his brothers. but it was always dry, one word responses where the two of you wouldn't even look at each other. or so you thought. 

currently, you were at the front door of the triplets apartment with a bruised cheekbone, ribcage, and neck adorning cuts on both your arms and thighs. surprisingly, you didn't feel much pain; possibly from shock. you woke up that morning expecting to go to school like normal. not once did you think that today you'd get bloody and bruised. yet, you were fine; the other girl looked way worse than you did. 

as a regular at their house, you went over whenever you'd like. you knocked on the door, expecting either nick or chris to open it. to your surprise, it was matt, who was staring wide-eyed at the beaten girl in front of him, his mouth slightly parted. his tattoos were out with a white wife-beater adorning gray sweatpants that hung slightly loose. his hair was messy, almost as if the grisly sight in front of him was the first thing he saw after waking up. 

"what the..." his voice trailed off as he took in the sight of blood dripping underneath the cuts on you arms. 

you questioned, holding gauze to your cuts, "are your brothers home?" 

"no, they went out to go get food. what happened?" 

"i don't wanna talk about it. i'll be in your bathroom." 

you pushed through him, to which he spun around with his eyes still glued onto you. he ran his hands through his hair in stress before eventually following you and going into the room in front of the bathroom; his room. you left the door open, as did he. 

you took a towel from the bathroom closet and dabbed it on the slits of your arms, before rinsing and wringing the towel out. you felt matt's eyes on you as you cleaned yourself up. you zoned out. as embarrassing as it was to admit, you did not know how to get your cuts clean; this was the first time you had ever gotten hurt this badly. you were a ticking time bomb; the longer you took, the less the shock from it numbed the pain your body felt, meaning that you were starting to truly feel the severity of your injuries. 

suddenly, you felt a presence behind you. you turned around, looked up, and saw the same tattooed boy standing over you. he was close; a half of a step closer and you two would be touching already. the bathroom had always been small to you, but knowing that it was only you and him in such a cramped space made it seem even smaller. claustrophobic, even.

"sit on the counter," he softly demanded. his voice was tense but still delicate. 

you obliged, feeling the cold counter beneath you, facing matt as he took a cotton swab and some liquid he grabbed from the cabinet in front of you. he dipped the cotton swab inside and traced his finger around the cuts on your thighs. his brows furrowed at how you were handling the pain so well; playing hockey was rough, so he knew the cut was deep, but not deep enough to need stitches. 

his voice was soft, "this'll hurt. if you need to hold onto something to squeeze, grab my arm or something." 

you nodded, anxiously waiting for him to put the terrifying liquid onto your exposed flesh. he pushed the swab onto your wound and, instinctively, you jolted and grabbed his wrist. a burning sensation echoed and rippled through your thigh, ending at your knee. your breath picked up heaviness as your chest rose and fell as you attempted to breathe out the pain. the only thing you could compare the pain to was getting paper cuts or banging your knee on a table or falling down onto concrete. though, those never left scars. this one seemed like it would. 

matt's eyes never left you. in fact, his eyes were trained on you; glued to you, even. he noticed the little things; the way your hand felt gripping onto his wrist, the way your eyes were shut and scrunched like the rag you had rung out earlier, the way your breaths got heavier and heavier and then eventually slowed. matt would never admit it to you, but he thought of things he shouldn't be thinking about. especially not about his brothers' best friend. he bit his lip to escape the disrespectful thoughts he was having about you; he bit his lip out of guilt. 

"what happened?" he asked again. 

your breaths became normal after some time, "it's nothing. don't worry about it." 

"i'm gonna worry about it. you know i worry." 

"worry about something else. why do you suddenly care?" you asked, harsher than you intended. 

"what's that supposed to mean?" 

"i'm sorry. that was rude. it's just.." you sighed, "y'know... you don't really care normally. why care now?" 

he was taken aback, "i do care. yeah, we don't talk a lot. but you're still my brothers' friend." 

"it doesn't seem like you do." 

"how so?" 

you stared into his eyes, "you're not necessarily warm to me." 

"i dunno," he broke eye contact to put some more of the liquid onto a new cotton swab, "i just didn't really think you'd care." 

you furrowed your eyebrows, "why?" 

"you like my brothers." 

"what does that have to do with anything?"

"i'm different than them. i'm quieter. i like quiet things. i just thought you'd get bored of me like everyone does." 

you went quiet for moments, soon realizing he distanced himself out of insecurity. you realized matt was always deemed "the boring one" by everyone; his family, his friends, even his ex-girlfriend. so, he stuck to conformity and stopped trying to put himself out there. they put a label on him and stuck it right on his forehead for everyone to see. chris was "the fun one," nick was "the loud one," but matt was always "the boring one." obviously, you could see how that fucked with his head. it wasn't that he didn't want to befriend you; it was that he didn't want to bore you. 

"y'know, i don't think you're boring."

he let out a slight laugh, almost scoffing in a way, "you don't need to lie. it's okay." 

"no, i mean it," you gazed at him, "yeah, you're not like your brothers, but i think that's why i've been wanting to be friends with you. don't get me wrong, i love nick and chris, but sometimes i think i just need someone to listen instead of talk. however, i do wish you'd talk more. i'm sure you have interesting things to say that you push down in fear of being boring." 

the look in his eyes changed, almost like there was some sort of sparkle as he looked at you. he almost forgot what he was doing in that bathroom with you; in fact, he almost forgot what started this conversation. but now, his eyes were piercing into yours and the tension in the air couldn't be cut with a knife if it could be. 

his hand made its way to his neck, still holding onto the swab but rubbing it with his other 3 fingers, "i don't think anyone's ever said that to me before." 

"well, it's what i've been thinking." 

his eyes looked at your hand, still holding onto his wrist, "what happened? tell me." 

"it's not important. it's fine-"

"you keep saying that."

you hesitated telling him the truth and looked down at the cuts on your thighs. possibly from fear of how he'll react. 

"it's just me. you can tell me," he reassured, taking his finger and lifting up your chin, forcing you to look at him. 

"y'know the girl you dated like a couple months ago?" 

his face contorted into a confused state, "who, amy?" 

"she was spreading rumors about you on campus, saying that you cheated on her with me and left her for me." 

"what the fuck?" his eyebrows furrowed. 

"so, i confronted her and then she hit me and i hit back and now all of this happened." 

he suddenly looked apologetic, almost as if he was the one who punched you, "i'm so sorry. i didn't know i was the cause of this and i didn't mean to-"

"i don't blame you. you didn't do anything. i saw how you treated her and how you left her with respect. i don't know why she'd make up rumors. especially about us. you're okay." 

the room went quiet as matt continued to clean up the cuts on your thighs, to which you grabbed his arm tighter with each swipe, and applied an ointment to your bruises. his warm hands contrasted with the cold air of the bathroom. you were confused; you liked the feeling of his hands on your body. you liked the feeling of his torso in between your thighs as he helped clean you up. you didn't know why you liked it. it just felt right. he put the materials away and turned around, putting his torso in between your thighs. he looked at you with a gaze you hadn't seen from him before. you were confused, once again; he finished helping you out and you had expected him to leave to go to his room and play a game or read a book, but he didn't. this whole day was confusing. very, very confusing. 

"do you know why i ended things with her?" he asked you, locking eye contact with you. 

you shook your head, "no. i don't." 

"if i told you why i did, would you be afraid?" his voice challenged you.

so, you retaliated, "afraid of what, matthew?" 

his eyes slightly squinted and he groaned, "god, don't call me that." 

"i won't be scared. tell me, did she do something?" 

"no," he admitted, "i did." 

your eyes slightly widened in curiosity, "what'd you do?"

"i was never truly hers." 

"what do you mean?" 

he chuckled slightly, "y'know, you're a real idiot." 

"not very nice," you muttered. 

he leaned closer to you, pinning you down more by putting his hands against the edge of the counter. his body acted as a cage he had trapped you in. you were a deer in headlights to him. he looked at you like you were something to eat. you were a worm to a bird. something had ignited in him; something full of desire. he wanted something. he wanted you. 

"i thought it was obvious, y'know?"

"i'm not following-"

his eyes became more intense, "i've been staring at you for a while. i was never hers because i was always yours. i've always been infatuated with you. i rarely spoke because you get me nervous; so nervous. to the point where sometimes i struggle to even keep up with my thoughts. you're like... you're like a drug. i'm addicted to the mere thought of even looking at you, let alone talking to you."

"matthew, what are you saying?" you asked. 

"i'm into you. i've always been into you. it's always been you." 

you felt his warm breath on you as you looked up into his eyes. all this time, you thought he was cold because he had some form of dislike for you. instead, you found out he was cold because he was attempting to remove the desire from his life; you were his brothers' best friend, meaning you were off limits. he didn't speak because speaking to you made him want you even more. so, he stared. he watched. he wanted you. you soon realized that your desire to become his friend wasn't true; you desired to be something more than that. you thought of him more than not. you tried your best to speak to him and, if it were anyone else being cold, you would return the favor. however, you kept trying. it was no longer a desire to be his friend; it was a desire to be more than that. 

your lips latched onto his; a kiss full of deprivation, a kiss of neediness. you had never expected yourself kissing the same guy you barely talked to. you had never expected his waist to be pushed against your inner thighs. you never had expected this kiss to be so rough and passionate. you never had expected to like the feeling of his tongue so much. you were his drug, and soon you figured out that he was yours; his lips were a deadly overdose but you simply couldn't stop. 

you felt hands on your hips, roaming around your waist and chest as well. his mouth made its way towards your neck, giving open mouth kisses. his lips kissed every spot on your neck, leaving no room where his mouth hasn't been. he kissed right below your ear as a noise left your mouth, leading him to suck harder and leaving a bite on your sweet spot. he painted that area with shades of purple, the noises coming from your mouth making it hard to stop. he liked the fact that he was able to make you sound like that. he liked the fact that he was able to make you grip onto his hair from beneath him; only he could. 

growing tired, his arms left your waist and trapped you beneath him again. your hair was a mess, so was his. your neck was painted in marks he had left, with no intention for you to cover them. however, you didn't mind. he looked at you, exhausted, yet the desire still hadn't left his eyes. he leaned down and gave you a kiss much gentler than the last one; a kiss that told you he wanted you to be all his. 

"can i take you out on a date?" he asked, "i'd ask you to be my girlfriend but, y'know, i want to take you out first. be a gentleman and whatnot." 

"a boy who just made out with me before even asking me out. what a gentleman," you joked, sarcastically. 

"shut up," he retaliated, "yes or no." 

"of course, matt." 

all this time, the hatred you thought he had for you turned out to be desire. suddenly, you were glad you had gotten into a fight. you had never been one to fight, but for the boy in front of you, you'd take a punch to the gut if it meant it was for him. 

jinx's corner!

hi guys! i was originally a wattpad writer but decided to move onto tumblr. i haven't been writing fan fiction for too long HOWEVER i've been writing books for about 3 years now. enjoy the fanfics and have a great day/night my loves <3

[stainedstardom]

screams

Petrichor [16]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 13,749

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, blood, gunshot wound, a little bit of gore, mentions of death, panic attacks, hurt/comfort

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Hey!! lmao so sorry for the super late update. I was sick and then some personal stuff happened and then I thought I got covid so yeah hi lol I'm so sorry lol This chapter was like 20k+ words so I split it into two because that was a lot lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Jason is stuck pacing back and forth in the room he’s calling a bedroom now. Worry has taken every part of him as his hand grips his phone like a vice. It’s been hours. He hasn’t heard from you or Dick or Gar. He hasn’t heard from anyone and he’s tried calling you seven times. But, your phone is off and your phone is never off. That is the one thing about you, your phone will never be off unless there is a reason for it and being hurt isn’t a good reason. Not to you. The only time your phone even dies is…never. Jason thinks about it and he doesn’t think you’ve let your phone even reach 20% in the entire time you’ve known each other. He thinks it’s probably so someone can always find you and you can always call for help because you’re almost paranoid about it dying. Your phone doesn’t die.

That leaves Jason thinking the worst of the worst. If your phone is off, that means it has to be dead or you shut it off for some reason but that’s uncharacteristic of you. So, he thinks maybe it did die and if it died, that’s because you didn’t charge it. If you didn’t charge your phone, it’s because you were physically incapable of charging it. What if something really bad happened? What if you were shot somewhere else? Jason knows Crane wanted you taken care of, maybe he shot you twice but you’re really good at hiding your pain when you need to. Adrenaline probably kicked in and shock, you were scared for Tim. Maybe you didn’t realize how bad it was. What if there was a complication of some sort and something bad happened?

Jason’s mouth starts to water as his eyes burn. His brows pinch together hard as his teeth grind so hard his jaw starts to ache. He was brought back. But, a part of him really hates that he was. Would you want to be brought back? If you died, would you want to be brought back like him? Jason comes to a stop, trying to steady his own breathing as his leg aches and burns. The scars on his chest feel like he’s being cut open again. What if you don’t want to be brought back but Jason did anyway? What if you did, and he does nothing?

What if you did die?

If you did die…Gar would call him, right?

Gar would definitely call, Jason assures himself. Gar would call immediately if something were happening. He has the number now and Jason’s ringer is on with the vibration set to strong. He has no missed calls but he’s certain Gar would call. If not, he would have called Molly and Molly would have found a way to call Jason. If you were dead, one of them would call him.

And then Jason swallows his own heartbeat as his phone starts ringing.

Gar.

“Hey.” Jason clears his throat, trying to keep himself together as he tries to prepare himself for the worst news he’ll ever get. 

“Is she there?” Gar asks and Jason can hear the worry etched in his voice.

“Uh…no?” Jason questions and he’s not sure if he should be relieved or panicked with Gar not knowing where you are. At least he’s not calling to tell Jason you’re dead but that does not rule out you bleeding out in a ditch somewhere. “I told her to go with you.”

Gar sighs on the end, running a hand through his hair. “She took off. I thought maybe she went to find you but she was hurt and she’s not answering her phone. Molly hasn’t heard from her either.”

Jason already figured you wouldn’t go to Molly. If you went to Molly, she would worry, give you a look you don’t like, and you’d run away again anyway. The last thing you’d want to do is drag Molly into it further. But, Jason really hoped you’d have listened for once and just went with Gar. Or at least sent a text to one of them to let them know you’re okay or not.

“She hasn’t been around.” Jason keeps his voice quiet and he looks around his room as if the answer is going to be written on the walls.

“Uh…hey, I know this…might not be what it’s for, but can you track her? She was shot and we’re all really worried.” Gar’s voice is hesitant as he scrunches his nose, hating the idea of having Jason do it. It feels like an invasion of privacy, especially Gar being the one to ask but it’s a last-ditch effort.

Of course, Jason’s been thinking about it. But, something in him can’t get himself to do it. On the small chance you did shut your phone off, that means you don’t want to be found. Jason can’t overstep, he can’t intrude on you. Even if he is desperately wanting to because you could be dead. He thought maybe he’d give you twenty more minutes and then he’d just do it anyway.

“Have you looked for her?” Jason asks, eying his tablet you left out.

“No, I called you first.” Gar admits. Honestly, Gar doesn’t even know where to look but he knew Jason would.

With no one out looking for you, maybe they don’t have to track you and possibly invade your privacy. If you’re just blowing off steam or punishing yourself, Jason knows exactly where you’ll be. He figures, if him, Gar, and Molly can’t find you within an hour, checking all of your spots, he’ll use the tracker.

“Okay, you and Molly go look for her at her usual spots. Molly’ll know ‘em and I’ll check a few others. If we don’t find her in an hour, I’ll track her.” Jason nods his head on the other end.

“Do you think we’ll actually find her? I mean you know how she is.” Gar isn’t trying to be pessimistic but it’s been hours and he thought for sure, you would be with Jason.

Jason can feel the panic attack starting to course through his blood. His heart is racing and his hands are growing clammy and he’s getting unreasonably angry. It is not Gar’s fault because even on a good day, getting you to listen is like pulling fucking teeth, especially when it has to do with taking care of yourself. Jason knows this better than anyone but he’s mad anyway and he knows it’s the panic attack. You were fucking shot and he took off so he’s mad at himself for listening. And he’s mad that you were shot and Gar didn’t stop you. He can turn into a fucking tiger for fuck’s sake, couldn’t he have turned into a tiger to stop you? Tackled you to the ground and pinned you there, dragged you to the manor kicking and screaming if that’s what he had to do. You were shot and maybe you’re dead now and he didn’t help. And Jason didn’t fucking help.

“Fuck! Gar, then you should have fucking followed her!” Jason snaps and immediately feels bad about it but any part of him that should apologize is washed over with guilt and regret and more anger. “Just go fucking look for her with Molly and I’ll look other places.” Jason grabs his coat from the bed and heads for the door.

“Where should we start?” Gar is quiet on the other end.

“The zoo.” Jason spits right back without even thinking. “Start there, then the harbor and I’ll–” Jason cuts himself off as he swings the door open, seeing you right in front of him with bloodshot eyes and blood-stained clothes and hands.

Gotham never sleeps. It never stalls. Everything is always moving, always loud. There is always something going on, people always going from one spot to the next in their lives. In some ways, it’s a little comforting. A reminder that you are here. You are here and alive like all of the people you passed on your walk here living their own lives. On the other hand, you wish it were quiet sometimes. You wish it were quiet sometimes because everything seems too much sometimes and your skin crawls while your heart feels like it’s going to beat out your chest. Your head spins and everything feels too much. But, it was quiet in the basement. It was quiet in the tower before you were attacked. It was quiet in the tunnels. It was quiet when you found Jason. It was quiet when Tim was shot. Maybe quiet is the surrounding air grieving for the mess fate’s created.

So, you stand in Jason’s doorway because quiet with him, alive and breathing, has always been the safest place to be. You stand weakly, haunted by everything that’s happened as the very idea of existing physically pains the deepest parts of your heart.

It’s hard to go through the same shit all the time. You’re just supposed to be fine with it. It’s happened before and you got over it, so you can get over it again, right? At some point, someone reaches the end of their rope and you think you might be there. It is the same pain over and over again and it never gets any easier. Time passes and it all just hurts anyway. People say time heals everything but you don’t think that’s true because you think about your mom dying and it’s like the wind’s been kicked from your chest all over again. You remember Jason’s body and it’s like you're being waterboarded. Time doesn’t heal anything. It’s not even like you’re used to it. You were just traumatized and avoid thinking about everything so it doesn’t fucking hurt so much. But, even that’s just exhausting. Existing is hard and tiring and painful.

Maybe you’re just tired of being in pain.

Your bottom lip starts to quiver and you always felt safest with him. Even from your own thoughts. You never felt too much pain around him. He always knows exactly what to do and it’s all too much right now. Being alone doesn’t work anymore. So, you stare up at him as Jason’s brows pull together with a cross between worry and relief.

“Jason?” Gar calls. “You there?” Gar asks.

“I got her.” Jason says. “She’s here. I’ll call you later.” Jason says quickly before hanging up. “Hey.” Jason’s voice is soft and careful, noticing you’re not making eye contact with him.

You walk the couple of feet up to him as Jason keeps his stance, almost ready to do whatever you’ll need. And all you do is lean forward and rest your forehead against his chest. Jason lets out a breath and you’re able to pull one in for the first time. Jason rests his hand on your back, rubbing up and down slowly as he hears you sniffle against him.

“Gar was calling in a search party. Where the fuck were you?” Jason asks and he should have some sort of bite in his voice but he’s too worried and too relieved.

You look back up to him and shake your head. “Walking. I couldn’t-I couldn’t…do it.” Your jaw squares as you try to hold back your own tears. “S-sorry..I-I didn’t mean to…to, uh, worry you guys. I-I just…just couldn’t.”

Jason nods with understanding, looking you over and it doesn’t look like you took care of the gunshot wound. Your clothes are soaked and your hair is an utter mess. There’s blood on your face and he swears your cheeks are stained with tears and you actually look cold.

Jason rests his hand on your cheek and you finally meet his eyes. “You alright?” Jason asks softly.

“Hurts.” You mutter and his hand almost feels like it’s burning your cheek. He’s so warm.

“The gunshot?” Jason questions, almost afraid of the answer.

“Everything.” You answer weakly with defeat.

You've never seen his look on him before. His jaw is squared but it’s soft rather than harsh like he’d been trying to shatter his own teeth. His brows are pinched but not completely pulled together and they’re aimed downward, etched in worry. His eyes are scanning you over every few seconds as if he’s stuck between thinking you aren’t really here and terrified something really bad is about to happen. Jason Todd worries and you've seen him worried plenty of times but this is different. You've seen him scared, too, plenty of times. More times than you can really count. But, this is different. It’s a different look and it’s because it’s you. And that look alone, chops and hacks at the barrier holding you together until it finally crumbles at your feet.

“It’s all my fault, Jay.” You sputter as you feel your eyes starting to water again. “It’s all my fault and I really fucked up and Tim could die or he did die. I don’t even know cause I left and I’m a fucking coward for leaving and it’s all my fucking fault.” Your mouth waters and you can’t look at his eyes because it’s all too much. “And there was so much…blood again. And the last time…it was you and it was horrible and I lost you and I couldn’t do it again and it just hurts all the time.” You suck in a shaky breath. “And-and Gar would say it’s not my fault and he’d give me the look but it is my fault. And Dick would be mad at me and I deserve it but I can’t hear it right now because I don’t know if I can handle it. And….it’s just-it’s just my fault. And I don’t know if could save him but I tried and I tried to save you, too.” You sputter before a sob finally rips through your throat. It bounces against the walls in a strangled and broken wail as if the very life you've lived has finally taken its toll on you for the last time. Jason isn’t sure he can listen to it because it physically pains him to see and hear you like this.

“Y/n.” Jason tries to get out but you shake your head.

“I tried really fucking hard to save you and it didn’t work. And I had to call Bruce and beg him to help me and he couldn’t and it was so fucking horrible and painful and scary.” You try to suck in a breath as tears scatter down your face. Everything is just wet and ugly, and burning. “It was so bad and I was so alone.” You suck in a ragged breath, your voice cracking and breaking between sobs. “Because Molly didn’t know and fuck Bruce and Gar wasn’t here. I was so alone and it was so scary because there was so much blood and brain matter.” Jason almost winces hearing it. “I don’t know if I would have been able to recognize you if you didn’t have the fucking Robin suit. It was so fucking bad and it hurts to think about and believe it happened but you’re here. And then Tim gets shot and there’s so much blood and I had to ask Dick to help and it’s like I’m there with your body again and it’s scary and it’s painful and I hate it. I hate how much it hurts. I hate doing this. I hate that it keeps happening.” Your chest heaves as you look at Jason with tears soaking your cheeks and your eyes finally meet his. And all Jason can see is defeat. “What if it just keeps happening?”

Jason shakes his head and every single time he is reminded you were the one that found him, he sends himself into a guilt-ridden spiral. Of course, you found him. That isn’t the issue. The issue is what it looked like from your perspective and the devastation it caused. He knows. He knows what it is like to find someone you love dead. He knows and it’s horrible and painful and devastating. It makes someone feel completely hopeless and helpless and useless. There has never been a time where he felt more helpless. And then he put you in that same position, not on purpose. But, he did and it was worse because it was gorey and traumatizing and he left you. He didn’t realize how badly it had traumatized you. It traumatized him, too but it affects you.

Dying doesn’t just happen to the person that’s dead. It happens to everyone around them.

“I’m so sorry.” Jason says softly, sliding his hand off your cheek. He shakes his head, biting his own tongue because he almost wants to cry with you. “I’m fucking sorry.” Jason wraps his arm around your shoulders as he pulls you into him. He’s careful not to hug you too tight, minding the gunshot wound he knows he’ll be taking care of for you later. “You’re not coward.” Jason manages to get out as he tries to come up with an answer for you even though he doesn’t think he’ll ever have one. The reality is that it will keep happening.

“Yeah, I am.” You argue back before you look up at him. “What fucking person just leaves as their friend is bleeding on the ground?”

“Someone who’s fucking traumatized.” Jason bites back. “Someone who was also fucking shot and in shock. You tried to help him and me knowing the shit you’d get for it. You fucking knew I went after the Joker and you show up alone, ready to take him on by your fucking self if you had to. You think that makes you a coward? What’s that make me then, huh?” Jason questions back, knowing you’ll never think of him as a coward, even if he sees that in himself sometimes.

“Not a coward but that’s different.” You argue.

“Fucking how?” Jason spits back. “You left Tim with Dick and the rest of the Titans who would know what to do. You were also fucking shot.” Jason shakes his head.

Jason wonders if this is what it's like dealing with him sometimes. Going round and round, circling the drain into a self-destructive spiral that only seems to have one result. It's not that he minds, it's that you think this. You're anything but a coward and Jason can't even figure out how you could think otherwise. You always do what you think is best for yourself and for the people you care about. Always. And you fight tooth and nail, as hard and as fast as you possibly can for what you believe. That's not cowardly.

“I-I know but…” You sniffle as you shake your head. “H-how can I keep doing this? I mean…losing people and the blood and….how can I do this for other people when I can’t even save the people I love?” You ask bluntly. “That’s shit, you know? We’re supposed to be out helping people and…and I can’t even…I fail with the people that matter. So, what’s the point?”

Jason would be lying if he doesn't question what the point is half the time, especially over the last few days. What's the point of living if this is even how it plays out? Pain and chaos, destruction and lonelienss. It's all pretty miserable, actually. But, he holds on anyway because it wasn't always like this.

Shit gets bad and then it gets better and yeah, it is exhausting sometimes. But, it's always gotten better. Jason doesn't know how much better it'll get from here now but he won't tell you that. He just knows he wakes up and he tries because you were nearly beaten an inch from your life and you find so much joy and love in small things that that alone seems to give Jason some sort of hope. And because Gar's family was killed and Gar was experimented on and he is the most optimistic person he has ever met. And because Molly lived on the streets with the death of her parents and Molly is the nicest person Jason has ever met. If all of these people can just be better after everything, than he can't very well just give up. And you can't either. Maybe there isn't a point but you'll never know if you give up.

“You know what you told me? You are the one that said sometimes we fail, that’s part of the job. But, we try.” Jason licks his lips as he sucks in a breath. “You talked me off the roof. Maybe Deathstroke would have tried to kill me or done worse shit if it weren’t for you. Fucking Pete Hawkins bullshit. The kid at Jerry’s. You were the one that fought tooth and fucking nail to save Gar. And you did, by the way. You saved Tim at Excellent Gotham. You failed two fucking times but by my count, you win more often.”

“Three times.” You correct him, earning you a glare. “Gar got kidnapped, we failed then…too.”

“You were both tranquilized and they used kryptonite on Krypto. I don’t think that counts.” Jason nods his head.

“I guess.” You let out a breath, looking to your shoes. “I just, uh,” You sniffle as you shake your head, looking back to him. “I just want the pain to stop.” Your voice cracks again.

Jason doesn’t say it, but he does, too. So, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him.

You press your cheek to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as your breathing is still rapid and ragged. But, you can hear his heartbeat in between breaths. It’s fast but steady. A lot quicker than it usually is but it is there. A few more tears leak out as you count his heartbeat and are fully engulfed by his warmth. You hadn’t realized just how numb you had gotten from the cold until now. Your fingers and toes are starting to feel like painful pins and needles. Your arms are burning and your cheek sting from the salty tears. It’s as if you're thawing from his warmth. Between that and his steady heartbeat, you calm yourself down.

“I can try to help.” Jason whispers softly. “If you’ll have me.” Jason pulls away just enough to look down at you and your eyes meet his.

You told him before that you’d come for everything that ever hurt him if it came to it. Anyone that ever wanted to hurt him, would have to go through you. Because he was just Jason Todd to you. It didn’t matter that he could -- should have been able to -- take care of himself. And Jason knew that’s how it was for him, too. Anyone who wants to hurt you, has to go through him. But, the problem is that someone did hurt you…because of him. And he hurt you. Right now you're in pain and it’s because of him. It’s not right and it’s not fair to you but Jason wants to protect you. He’d cut out pieces of his heart and glue them to yours if it would make you feel better. He would do anything in this world if it would make your pain less. Any form of pain that wants to come for you, is going to have to go through him first. From now on.

You nod your head. “Always.” You croak out.

“Come on.” Jason releases his arms and cold rushes itself right back over your body. “Sit on the bed, I’ll grab you some clothes and supplies to clean that shit. We’ll start there.”

“Thanks, Jay.” You mutter softly, walking to the bed and Jason watches you carefully.

He wonders if this is how it always felt for you. He’d come home bloody and bruised, weak and pitiful. Scared and in pain. He never said anything but Jason knows you always knew. Somehow, you always knew when he was hurt and scared. But, it was always him walking through the door hurt, not you. And it was you that would stitch him up. Sure, he’s helped you with your hands, but you did it at least twice a week for months. And you never complained. But, Jason wonders if this is what it feels like.

It feels like he’s carrying the weight of the world for the both of you and he’s trapped in a worrying spin. And he is so fucking sad for you. It’s not pity, but just sadness. It’s wanting the best for you and you to have everything good in this world because you deserve it. And wanting to witness it because he loves you. It’s just wanting to see you smile and happy, making some stupid joke and telling him to fuck off. It’s just wanting you to not be in pain anymore. He wonders if this is how it felt being you and if so, he wants to know so badly how the fuck you dealt with it because he feels like he’s suffocating while he grabs you clothes.

Jason walks back over to you, handing you a pair of sweatpants and a red hoodie. “I got first aid shit in the bathroom so change and I’ll be back.” Jason nods his head at you.

“Okay.” You answer weakly and Jason hesitates for a few seconds before he practically runs off to the bathroom.

You're weak and unsteady as you change into the sweats. You're realizing you haven’t eaten in a while and you haven’t had much to drink either. That’s definitely not helping your mental state and you know it. But, if you were being really honest, none of those activities sound like things you're currently capable of doing. Changing is even almost too much effort at this point. And it fucking hurts as you try to take your shirt off to swap it for the hoodie.

“Need help?” Jason appears right back not two minutes later.

You always hated feeling helpless but not around him. “Yeah, it hurts.” You sniffle softly, sitting pitifully on the bed.

Jason walks over, resting the kit beside you before he lightly grabs the hem of your hoodie. Jason helps you tug it off of your bad shoulder and then over your head, you groaning the entire time. With the hoodie off, you're left in a blue t-shirt and Jason sees where the bullet hole is, covered in red and brown. With the chaos of last night, he didn’t check and wasn’t able to check if the wound was a through and through. Jason's stomach twists at the thought that it's not. But, he hides his worry, looking back to you with a soft sigh.

“How did you wanna do this?” Jason asks bluntly.

Your brows furrow in confusion. “I-I don’t know?” You shake your head.

“I can’t clean it with your shirt on.” Jason sucks in a breath and normally he’d have some comment about seeing you half naked again but he can’t quite muster it this time.

“Oh…” You whisper and you swear it’s fine. It’s not like you haven’t seen each other naked before and it’s not like you didn’t see Jason fully exposed just the other night. There is something that just feels…new and vulnerable again. “That’s fine.” You nod and Jason leans forward again, tugging the hem of your shirt up and over your head, freeing your arm. You grab Jason's hoodie with your good arm and Jason helps tug it onto your good arm, you thankful it's a zip-up and not a pullover. “Guess that’ll do.” You suck in a breath and you're kind of tired of feeling like this. “I expect you to actually help and not just stare at my tits the whole time.”

Jason manages a cheeky smirk. “You know I’m ass guy anyway.” Jason glances down and then back to you.

“Shithead.” You mutter and Jason’s head swims. It’s been so long since you've called him that and it almost feels nostalgic.

“Babe.” Jason quips back.

Jason takes out his phone, examining the gunshot now that there isn’t anything in the way. There’s still blood everywhere and he can’t even tell if it’s because you did such a shit job at cleaning it or if the wound is actually that bad. Something in his stomach twists and turns into a gnawing pain at the thought this is worse than he originally thought. But, he keeps a straight face, not to let his worry cross even a single line of his face. When he worries, you worry.

Jason grabs a wet rag from the bowl he brought in with him, gently cleaning around the area to try to get a better look. You let out a shaking breath, the water cool against your skin.

“Sorry, no hot water.” Jason barely glances to you as he scrubs some of the dry blood away.

“Should probably fix that.”

“Pilot lights are expensive.”

“I have Bruce’s credit card.” You mutter quietly, earning a look from Jason.

He stops, looking up at you fully. “You would.”

“Eat the rich.” You shrug. “Or take their money when it’s offered to you and he didn’t ask for it back.” Jason lets out a snicker before he goes back to cleaning. “You should use yours. It might send up a red flag for Bruce and maybe he’ll call someone back or come back.”

You hate the words as they leave your lips because wanting Bruce back means admitting defeat. But, Gotham has gone to absolute shit since Bruce decided to fuck off somewhere. At least Gotham had some degree of fear and respect for the Bat. They don't seem to like the Titans very much. And Jason's been off his rocker and you've been stuck trying to help him. Gotham does need someone they respect. Bruce should definitely come back. And if for no other reason, to see his son is alive again.

Jason scoffs. “Yeah, fucking right.” He shakes his head in annoyance. “Fuck Bruce. I don’t need him.”

Before he died, he was getting better about talking about his problems and the things that kept him up at night. He was doing better with it but then he comes back and the very idea of talking about it makes him want to crash through a window headfirst onto solid pavement. In all fairness, he already hated talking about Bruce. It was one thing to complain about him but it was an entirely other thing to unravel and dig into actually talking about him. Now, though, it’s worse because every time Jason thinks about Bruce, it’s as if his heart starts to break all over again.

Maybe him getting bludgeoned death was his fault. He knew better. But, where was Bruce? Bruce gave up on him. And then…was going to let the Joker just…live. Jason was supposed to be Bruce’s son and he couldn’t even kill the Joker for him or do anything about him. And maybe, just maybe, Jason could get over that eventually but Jason’s alive again and Bruce is nowhere to be found. With everything going on in Gotham, Jason is certain Dick would have called Bruce and let him know. If for no other reason than to rat Jason out to “dad”. So, maybe Jason feels like he was always a little expendable to Bruce, not just Crane or the Titans. And that part hurts the most.

“Didn’t say you did?” You let out a breath. “Just saying is all.” You pull in a deep breath. “Fuck Bruce, yeah. Just saying.” You, for one, still hate Bruce but Jason hating Bruce seems weird. You chalked it up to the drug at first and Crane but…Jason’s clean. It’s weird, even for Jason. “What’s your sudden issue with Bruce anyway?”

“You got a problem with me having a problem with Bruce all of a sudden?” Jason spits back and he shouldn’t, given your current state but his heartache over being abandoned by him is fresh.

“Oh, no. I am actually fine with that cause fuck Bruce but it’s weird. After all of that shit, you come back and suddenly don’t like him. That’s weird, Jay. Even for you.”

“Never fucking mattered to him. I was always just the replacement for Dick anyway. Doesn’t fucking matter.” Jason dips the rag into the water, rinsing some of the blood off before going back to the wound.

You furrow your brows, trying to figure out where that’s even coming from. “Uh…not true? Bruce is a fucking weirdo and shit but I actually think he gives a shit about you, Jay. Outside of Robin and Dick. You always said that, too. Like deep down you knew that, so what is it now?”

Jason grows more and more angered but he knows you aren’t going to drop it. “You were fucking right, alright?” Jason snaps back. “Should have killed the fucking Joker because he killed me. So fuck him.” Jason keeps his explanation short.

“Right yeah, had he just killed him, you wouldn’t have died and it doesn’t make up for it because too little, too late shit, but like…he did—“

“Can you fucking drop it, please?” Jason’s words come out more as a demand rather than a request. “I’m done fucking talking about it.” Jason looks at your shoulder from your back, seeing there’s no hole in the fabric.

“Sorry.” You say softly. It just doesn’t sit right with you. You’d still be pissed at Bruce, too because had he killed the Joker in the first place that wouldn’t have happened but that’s…not really Jason. He doesn’t hold many grudges and Bruce did kill the Joker. It was a little late for that but he did, to avenge Jason. Bruce didn’t throw his morals away for Dick, he threw them away for Jason and that would normally mean something to him. It’s weird but you know when to push and when not to. You're not in the mood to fight it anyway. “Just thought it was weird, is all.”

“It’s fine. Sorry.” Jason squints at the wound, seeing something shine back at him and his heart plummets. He grabs his phone, shining a light into the wound again. “The bullet is still inside.”

“Figured.” You let out a breath.

“I have to take it out.”

Your eyes land on his and you know this is about to suck. “Okay.” You nod your head.

“Lay back and hold the phone so I can see.” Jason hands you his phone as you do as told.

Jason grabs a pair of tweezers from the kit and he looks at the wound, grabbing your wrist to make sure the light is in the right position. Jason’s stomach twists into a hard knot, knowing how bad this is going to hurt. His leg starts to throb with the very thought of putting you through it. But, it has to be done. You're not going to go to an actual doctor for help and if he leaves the bullet in, it can lead to infection. So, Jason sucks in a deep breath and bends down hovering over the wound, careful not to block the light.

“It’s gonna hurt.” Jason glances up at you.

“Just do it.” You sigh, looking to the ceiling as your grip on his phone tightens.

Jason nods his head before gently sticking the tweezers into the wound. You slam your eyes shut as your jaw clenches. Your right hand grips onto the blanket beneath you as Jason moves the tweezers around. It’s burning and stinging like getting stung by a thousand hornets at once. It’s as if you're being shot in the spot over and over again as tears well behind your eyes. Jason is trying to be careful and quick, but the bullet is slippery thanks to the blood.

Your hand starts to shake as your breath grows rapid and uneven. You try your best to concentrate on anything besides the pain but that’s becoming increasingly more difficult. It was different when you were in the fight for your life. It was do or die and people can do absolutely insane things they should not have been able to accomplish in life or death situations. Your life isn’t in danger right now and even when you try to focus on something else, the tweezers move just enough and you're brought back to agonizing pain.

Given the events that happened, it’s hard for you to focus on anything other than the pain you're been in. You try to think of the good times but then those are tarnished like rusted silverware. Those good memories now come with pain, too. You try to focus on what you’re going to do about Crane because maybe that would kick in your fighting instincts but you're the one lying in a bed right now after being shot by him. Everything around you feels like it’s rusting and chipping away into a toxic pile of reds and browns. Tainted, tarnished, and broken.

Jason glances up to you and he can see the agony written in every wrinkle and pinch of your skin. And he can’t see with the phone basically vibrating in your hand. All he can even feel is anger and not at you. It’s entirely on him and Crane because at the end of the day, it’s his fault and Crane’s how you ended up here. You never should have been shot. You were only there to look out for him. You and Tim were collateral damage. So many people around Jason end up just being collateral damage. And they don’t deserve it. But, at the end of the day, he isn’t the one that pulled the trigger at you and all he wants to do is go right after Crane. Make him feel the same pain he’s put you through. And then worse.

“Y/n.” Jason says, sternly. “You have to stop moving. I can’t see.”

You swallow thickly, trying to stabilize your hand. “Sorry.” You manage to mutter through your gritted teeth.

Jason goes back to the wound but the second he sticks the tweezers into the flesh, you wince and flinch as hard you try to stay still. Jason is no stranger to this and he knows it is agonizing to pick something out of an open wound. Nerves and flesh are exposed that should not be. It’s horrendous and seconds feel like hours. And it’s triggering phantom pain in his leg as his heart feels like it’s being suffocated with barbed wire. He knows it’s bad when you're the one who can’t sit still.

Jason pulls back, putting the tweezers back in the kit before he cups your cheeks. He bends down so his face is just an inch from yours and you open your eyes slowly, your jaw still clenched and tears threatening to finally fall.

“You gotta stay still or I’m never gonna be able to get it out.” Jason’s voice is stern.

“It fucking hurts.” Your voice cracks weakly as you sniffle.

“You were almost beaten to death. This isn’t gonna fucking kill you. You’ll be fine.” Jason nods his head once at you before he presses his forehead to yours for just a second.

You nod weakly at him. “Yeah…”

“Just…stay still and I’ll be quick, alright?” Jason asks, seeing the doubt across your face. “I got you.” Jason offers a weak smile.

“Okay.” You nod your head in agreement.

Jason nods once more before he goes back to your wound. He focuses on the bullet while the tweezers hover above you and you can’t help but notice the lack of shaking in his hands. Come to think of it, you aren’t sure the last time you saw his hand so steady. Jason has always been so steady around you. An unmovable force.

Jason looks back to you, raising his brows as if silently asking if you if you're ready and all you do is nod quickly before looking back to the ceiling. Your grip tightens on the phone while you lock in place with all of your might just to try to stay steady.

The tweezers stick back into the bloody wound, carefully and steadily as they go right to the bullet. Jason keeps his eyes laser-focused on just getting the bullet out and you grit your teeth together as tears come to your eyes. But, you suck in a deep breath as you feel the metal scraping around the wound, clinging onto every part your self-control in order to stay steady. That’s when Jason finally is able to grab the bullet, pulling it out in a steady motion, careful not to drop it.

Jason holds the bullet with the tweezers as a triumphant grin comes to his lips. You peek your eyes open at him, the whites turning a bright shade of pale pink.

“Told you I got you.” Jason shrugs casually but the grin quirks into a cheeky smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah thanks.” You roll your eyes as you sniffle.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, that shit was just, uh painful. I really don’t recommend getting shot.” You lay the phone down beside you before rubbing your right eye.

“Yeah, don’t plan on it.” Jason quips back. “Probably stop hurting soon without the bullet.”

“Be nice.” You let out a sigh. “And Dick really just went to bed like this. What a fucking psycho.”

"Yeah, but you went MIA." Jason narrows his eyes at you because maybe he is a little mad at you for it. They were all worried. He was worried. "You bitch about him but--"

“If you fucking say it, Jason Todd, I’ll kill you again.” You deadpan. “You two are the ones that are oddly similar, okay?”

Jason lets out a scoff. “Bullshit. I’m nothing like him.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, you are. You’re different but you’re similar. You just don’t wanna see it. What? You never looked up to him before all of this shit?” You ask.

Jason sits back on his heels, dropping the bullet in the first aid kit with the tweezers to toss and clean later. “What’s to look up to?” Jason scoffs. “Being a fucking kiss ass and a goody two-shoes.”

“Because he was the first Robin.” You state casually. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, about you replacing him and shit whatever. But, didn’t you ever look up to him for even a little bit?”

Jason hangs his head and while he’s always felt less than and a bit like a failure when it came to filling his shoes, he definitely did look up to him. Dick created something so special and surreal when it came to Robin. He wasn’t Batman, he was just a kid in a suit helping Batman and that was cool. Then Bruce had all of these stories about Dick and it always made Jason want to be like him because Dick was good. That’s how Bruce always talked anyway. Jason doesn’t know that Bruce always talked about Jason in the same way when he wasn’t around. And Dick doesn’t know how Bruce would talk about him to everyone else. But Jason heard the stories and how great Dick was. He never wanted to be exactly like him but he definitely wanted to be somewhat like him. Dick’s parents were killed and he got to be Robin. By all that Jason heard, it seemed he made it out of it okay. He had Robin and he got to carry that with him. He got to have a career in helping people (kind of). Jason did want to be like him but the way he sees it, there’s a reason people say not to meet your heroes.

“Still mad about the Joker shit but…uh,” You sniffle again. “Don’t know, be a lie if I said I didn’t look up to him…and you.”

“Me?”

“I always liked your Robin.” You say quietly. “You were different. Felt like we needed your version. But I told you that.”

“Surprised you still think it.”

“I think we need someone like Red Hood.” You state, catching Jason entirely off guard.

“What? Another fucking murderer?” Jason scoffs, looking to the window above the bed before he looks back to you.

He feels so ashamed of it all at times, like right now. It's because you're the one lying here after being shot by someone Jason thought he could trust. He knows deep down, crime in Gotham needs a change. The Bat doesn't fix everything, clearly. There needs to be someone out there that is willing to do more but Jason isn't sure that's him. He already burned his bridges. He doused them in gasoline and lit a match with a smile. He feels like he's on the wrong side and there's nothing he can do to rebuild that bridge to be on the right side anymore. If there's even a right side.

“No. Someone who’s willing to do the heavy and bad shit in order to prevent worse shit from happening. Like I said, I’m not just killing people for you, it’s for all of us and everyone that will come after us. I think we need people like that and people are afraid of you and rightfully so. I dunno. Just my take, I guess.”

“Been thinking about the people I killed.” Jason lets out a breath. “Heavy shit.”

“Yeah, but a lot of that is greater good shit and the other stuff is Crane’s manipulation so you shouldn’t feel too guilty for those.” You shrug your good shoulder.

Jason shakes his head and he doesn't how you deal with any of it. You don't normally deal with much, if Jason is being honest. But, you seem to be dealing with this pretty okay. Somewhere in him, he always felt like if someone were going to go on a killing spree, you would probably be that person. Your morals have never aligned with Dick's or Bruce's. You've always felt like more could be done, permanently. But, Jason's surprised you seem so okay with it and with him killing people.

“How the fuck are you dealing with it?”

You let out a broken laugh. “I’m not.” You answer honestly. “So much shit is happening that I just…can’t.” You shake your head. “Can’t think about it.”

Jaso nods with understanding. “Yeah.” Jason sucks in a breath, deciding to drop the conversation. It feels too much again. Too loud. Too heavy. “Stay still.” Jason leans forward, grabbing the rag before he starts cleaning her wound again.

You watch him carefully. He’s not handling anything well which you can’t say you really blame him for. You wonder what you would be doing if you were in his position. How would you ever forgive yourself for not only everything that’s happened but also being manipulated? Being manipulated isn’t Jason’s fault but you know he’s probably blaming himself for it because you would be blaming yourself for it if it were you. You wonder how he feels about coming back. You haven’t really talked about it and part of that is you're just afraid to ask because talking about him dying nearly sends you into a spiraling panic attack. But, you wonder how he’s dealing with that and if he’s happy he’s back.

Jason’s hands are steady as he grabs the gauze, his brows pinched together with concentration as he goes back to the wound and you find yourself wondering if you were meant to be anyway. Everything seemed so much easier in San Francisco. You weren’t together then and it was all just fun and games. Sure, you both were kidnapped and that was bad. But, that was one thing. Meanwhile, being together in Gotham has been a shitshow since the start almost. Maybe it’s just the butterfly effect but you wonder if it was just you both trying to find solace in each other or if it was as real as it’s always felt. Maybe you were just feeding off of each other’s own self-destruction and avoidance. Maybe being together helped the other one crumble.

Your eyes scan over his face and you realize, you don’t remember the last time you saw his face bruised. But, while you were together, he was always littered in them and almost always had one somewhere on his face like a Jackson Pollock. That solidifies the thought of you. Maybe you weren’t meant to be after all. Maybe you were actually bad for each other. Maybe you being together really was just you both self-destructing, knowing damn well one of you would die and it would destroy you. Maybe being together was always a way to hurt yourselves in the worst way.

And that hurts worse than the gunshot.

You've always been so sure about him. Even when you weren't sure, a part of you was. It was always supposed to be him. Him and you. But, you were shot and you're thinking a lot about how people's lives might be better if you weren't in them anymore. You're thinking about how things might be better for Jason if you weren't together. You skew your own reality, convincing yourself you got together in order to hurt yourselves. That's all it could possibly be. You ignore every thought about you confessing how loving him is the easiest thing you'd ever done. You push every thought of every soft moment you have ever had into the darkest part of your mind where they can be tainted and painted over. You push away everything Jason has ever told you and goes against everything Jason has ever believed about himself and what he deserves. It all feels like lies to yourself. It was just self-destruction because that has to be it, right?

You go back and forth with yourself. One part of you thinking this must be fact and the other part of you thinking it's just because it's a bad day. Everything feels worse on bad days and it is so easy to push everything good into a dark corner and paint right over it as if it were something different entirely. And today is a bad day. So, a part of you screams and begs for you to just ask Jason because Jason wouldn't lie. If it was all just self-destruction, Jason would tell you. He wouldn't lie about it.

“Do you think we were just a consequence of our own self-destruction?” You ask quietly, moving your eyes to the ceiling. "Or...was it like....real?"

Jason hears the question and pauses. He almost questions if he heard you correctly but he glances back to you and you're avoiding his stare which means he definitely did. His heart sinks and he thinks he forgot how to breathe for a second. Do you actually think that? Jason isn’t sure what would hurt more at this point. You thinking that’s all you were to him or that being all you were to you.

“What?” Jason asks, more for clarity.

“I mean like…exactly, uh, what I said. Do, uh, d-do you think we were just a consequence of our own self-destruction?” You chew the inside of your cheek and you regret asking. “Or…was it all real?”

The question hangs in the air like the blade of a guillotine, just waiting for one of you to pull the rope and end it all. The air starts to feel stale and cold and heavy as Jason doesn’t move, processing the question.

He’s not entirely sure where that question is even coming from. This whole time, you've wanted nothing more than him and you've said that. You have told him that he is all you have ever wanted. Why would you just be a consequence? Was he just a consequence?

Jason sits all the way up, coming into view. “Do you think that?” Jason asks bluntly as his breath hangs in the stagnant air. It’s as if he is clawing at the last remaining parts of his voice to remain steady and not shatter and break.

You look back to him, following the hollowed lines of worry of his face. You aren’t sure he’s breathing and you regret asking the question. You don’t even know why you asked in the first place. It’s not like you actually want to know because sometimes not knowing is just better, less painful. And the look on his face isn’t making you feel any better because he looks torn between devasted and angry.

“I asked you first.” You say quietly.

“No.” Jason states bluntly, almost harshly.

Being with you was never him self-destructing. In Jason’s eyes, as much as it all got fucked up in the end, being with you healed more parts of him than he ever thought possible. Being with you actually healed parts of him he swore would never be put together no matter how hard he tried. You made him better. He got to be who he wanted to be with you and shamelessly, you fully accepted him. And he really thought, he could be that version of himself forever because you always convinced him he could. You made him want to put in a hard effort into coming home and thinking twice before doing something a little too reckless, outside of the whole Crane and Joker thing. You showed him what it was like to be loved without conditions. And Jason loves you still. No conditions. No consequence. No self-destruction. He loves you yesterday, today, and he is positive he’ll love you tomorrow and every day after that because he wants to.

“Do you?” Jason asks, choosing not to elaborate.

You swallow a lump in your throat. Despite your own negative thoughts, you know you don't. Not really. Maybe you thinking it is a self-destruction thing, maybe it's your way of trying in order to punish yourself for Tim and everything else. But, no. Of course, not.

“No.” Your voice is quiet and fragile, making Jason’s heart sink because he knows there’s a but coming. “But, uh..we just…we ended up here.” You let out a scoff. “And, uh, I don’t know.” You shake your head. “We said some pretty fucked up shit to each other and I know…uh, I know you were high but, uh…yeah.”

Devasted. That’s all Jason can feel because he’s one of the reasons you even asked. He knows he said some horrible shit to you and he can’t take any of it back. Words are long-lasting. They enter the air and stick to it, absorbing itself into your lungs as you pull in a breath and let it fester there. That’s where the words start and travel to your brain where they store away, pecking at you just at the right moments. No one can take words back and Jason knows that. But, he has to try anyway even if he doesn't think it’ll salvage you. You have to know you meant and mean the entire world to him still.

“I didn’t mean any of that shit, okay? I swear, I didn’t fucking mean it.” Jason states quickly. “I was fucking high and I just wanted to fucking hurt you which is fucked up and I’m fucking sorry.” Jason spits out quickly but with a fire. There is no relief coming to your face and even if you are nothing to each other after this is over, he needs you to believe him. Jason cups your face. “I fucking swear. We weren’t a fucking mistake and you were the best thing that happened to me and I fucked that up. That’s on me. You made me better. I’m fucking so sorry, alright?”

You nod against his hand. And you know. You were also high and none of the shit you said is true. You didn't mean any of it. You didn't even mean the shit you said while you were sober. Maybe it's just a part of you that needs it to be verified today.

“I know and I’m sorry, too. I don’t know. I just get thinking about it, I guess. We both ended up here and it’s just…” You suck in a breath. “I know.” You place your hands over his. “Because I said some horrible shit, too, and then I hit you. And uh…I know. It’s just…that on top of everything else that happened. Like…” You shrug softly. “You died, Jason.”

Jason drops his hands, shaking his head, putting the pieces together. There is no way in hell you really think him going off on his own is your fault. Every piece of that shit plan, was on Jason. It was on him to just wait and get help. It was on him to reach out and get help. It was on him not to trust Crane. Everything was on him. That's not for you to carry.

“You don’t really think that shit is on you, right?”

“I should have seen it.” You sputter. “I should have fucking known, Jay. And the more I think about it, the more I think maybe I did know and maybe I just…let it happen to teach you a lesson about being dumb out there and—“

“Stop.” Jason cuts you off sharply. “You would never let me go after the fucking Joker by myself. You never would have even if you wanted to teach me some lesson. And I don’t think that’s it either. You do the same shit I do.” Jason scoffs. “I went after him. By myself. I do what I always did. I went after him. Alone, And I died alone. Because I never fucking ask for help. That’s not on you. And it’s got nothing to fucking do with us.”

“Yeah, but if you were me?” You question. “You’d be thinking the same thing. There were so many signs and I just…somehow missed every single one of them. I have to think I ignored them and maybe not to teach you a lesson but because I was scared.”

Jason sucks in a breath and he knows you're right because if it were him, he’d never forgive himself. If the roles were reversed, he’d also be questioning how he missed it and maybe he let you do it. Maybe he ignored the signs on purpose. Jason, being on the side he is, knows for a fact you didn’t willfully ignore any sign. You have shown him time and time again that if you have any say in it, you’d never let something happen to him. But, Jason understands why you think that so he sucks in a breath and decides to take some of that Gar advice for once.

“I remember what I was thinking about while the Joker was playing whack-a-mole with my head.” Jason mutters, earning him a grimace and a glare from you.

“Really?” You give him a displeased look.

Jason shrugs. “Well…” Jason sucks in a breath with the quick raise of his brows.

“You do though?” You ask cautiously.

Jason nods. “Yeah, I…I remember everything.” Jason swallows the growing lump in his throat. “Told you that, but…yeah.” Jason nods quickly. “Remember thinking I should have just listened to you. I should have told you because you would have talked me out of it, you would have told Bruce and Dick. I’d be pissed…but you would have helped and I wouldn’t be getting killed. So…just fucking saying,” Jason sucks in a breath and goes back to your wound. “Me dying had nothing to fucking do with you and there was nothing you could have done differently. We weren’t a consequence our own self-destruction. I’m really fucking sorry for all of the shit I’ve put you through.”

Your brows furrow and your heart starts to break again. It must be a horrible task to wake up every single day with memories, even down to final thoughts, about literally dying. You know it’s your own personal hell at this point but the idea of Jason reliving it every single day…it’s worse. And the fact he brought it up without you asking, you know.

“I forgive you, Jay.” You say quietly. “And I really, really, mean that, okay? Your, uh…your last thoughts…were regret?” You ask cautiously.

Jason shakes his head. “No.” Jason answers plainly. “Not all of them.” Jason lets out a breath. The last thing Jason wants is to talk about how the last thing he remembers is knowing he was going to die. You don't need to know that, that's for damn sure.“I-I don’t want to talk about it though. I really just needed you to know that.”

“Thank you, Jay." You watch him carefully, seeing something distant and broken cloud over his eyes. His brows pull together as if he's in pain and his hand starts to shake. You hope he'll talk about it one day. Maybe being brought back isn't all it's cracked up to be. "When you do want to talk, please talk t me.”

“I will.” Jason nods his head at you once before finishing up the wound.

“Maybe we were both just ticking time bombs to get here.” You suck in a breath. “I don’t think we were a consequence and it was real for me. I just…had to ask I guess.”

“Maybe we kept each other from getting here.” Jason nearly mutters the words under his breath before he goes back to fixing up your wound.

You let the silence fill the room as you think about it because maybe he’s right. It wasn’t until he died the two of you fell off the deep end. Sure, things weren’t great for you both mentally but maybe you together helped stabilize some part of you both. Maybe being together was the glue you both needed like a kintsugi sculpture. Putting broken pieces back together to be better than they were before. You both ended up here but maybe that’s better.

In the last two weeks, the two of you have learned more about each other and life and the consequences of everything. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be. So, you both could be better people today. Maybe you both rely too much on each other to help you mend your broken pieces but that doesn’t mean you were bad together or you were the cause of this. That doesn’t mean who you both are today is worse. Maybe who you both are today is better because it’s honest.

You both are scared but you both are honest and you aren’t letting your fears control every aspect of everything you do. You’re both standing up for yourselves in ways you didn’t think you would. Jason is figuring out his shit now and standing where he should. Where he wants. He’s standing up against people who made him feel worthless, something he otherwise never did too much. Maybe this is who you both are meant to be in the end and maybe that’s not so bad.

“Done.” Jason backs away as you look down, seeing your shoulder bandaged. “Don’t get shot again.” Jason manages the tint of a smirk.

“Gee, I wonder why I didn’t think of that.” You mock him before you sit up and slide the hoodie on entirely.

“Yeah, you really fucking should have. I mean, get it together, babe.” Jason offers a little bit of snark, the smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Okay, fuck you.” You laugh softly. “Thank you.”

Jason nods his head. “Anytime.” Jason smiles softly at you.

You pull out your phone from your other hoodie and hand it to Jason. "It died and in the chaos, I dropped my charging block." You offer a guilty smile as Jason takes your phone and plugs it into his charger. “So, uh, what’re you gonna do about Crane? Like….fuck.” You roll your eyes.

“Kill him.” Jason spits.

“No.” You shake your head. “I was serious. I wanna kill him.”

“Seriously?” Jason quips.

“Yes. I’m sick of people making you think you’re some fucking monster when you’re not. And he fucking sucks anyway. He did everything to you, he almost got Dick killed, he’s gotten innocent people killed, he almost killed me, and he killed or almost killed Tim. Yeah, I’d like to kill him.” You let out a sigh. “I mean, if you really want to kill him for what he did to you, go for it just let me get a shot in. If it’s for me? Let me do it.”

“It’s kind of fucked we’re even having this conversation right now.” Jason chuckles. “Fine. But, I get a few fucking shots in. I meant what I said, no one gets to fuck with you again.”

“And I meant what I said. No one gets to fuck with you, Jason Todd.” You offer him a sweet smile, something that should feel off given you're talking about killing someone but instead, it brings Jason some sort of comfort.

A smirk grows onto his lips before it turns soft. “Can handle myself.”

“Okay, no the fuck you cannot.” You quip back as you let out a soft laugh. “Just because you can though, doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. I got you.” You smile softly at him. "You and me."

Jason remembers a night a few months ago and he was sitting in the library reading because things were just a little too heavy and loud that day. You walked in and started scrapbooking on the floor just so Jason wouldn't be alone. And he remembers thinking how peaceful it was, just the two of you. He remembers thinking he felt lucky.

In a world where he experiences so much pain and unfairness, he felt lucky in that moment and in every moment he got to spend with you. As much as he loves to beat himself up, especially these days, he'd like to think maybe he can be lucky again. Maybe he can be at peace again one day. If you keep on thinking this and keep a hold on him. If you're willing to not let him do this alone, just as you said all those months ago in San Francisco, maybe you can get back to where you were and maybe you both can be lucky and at peace. Maybe the universe will offer some sort of kindness for the suffering it's caused you both.

“What about the Titans?” Jason asks, clearing his throat and swallowing his own thoughts.

“Right, yeah, I uh, I need to talk to Dick still. I told them it was Crane last night, not sure really if they believed me or not. Hope so. I’m sure Gar did so that’s at least good.” You nod your head a few times, hating the idea of having to explain this whole thing to Dick. You're kind of tired of being the mediator.

“We could just go take out Crane ourselves.” Jason suggests casually as he gets up and walks to the other side of the room where he has a mini fridge seated against the wall.

"While that does sound like fun," You laugh softly because you wish you could actually just do that. It would probably put an end to all of this but Dick would lose his shit. “I have an idea.”

“I hate when you say that.” Jason groans as he grabs two bottles of Gatorade and a box of granola bars from the top of the fridge before he walks back over to you. Jason tosses the box and one of the Gatorades at you before he plops down and scoots himself so his back rests against the wall, his legs extending in front of him. "Assumed you haven't eaten or had anything to drink." Jason explains, cracking open his Gatorade while you do the same.

"Yeah, I haven't thank you." You give him a soft smile before you start explaining yourself, grabbing a granola bar before you start your ramble. “Taking Crane out would be a fun time and he deserves it and most of our problems would likely be solved. However, what if Dick is right? What if he does have something bigger planned that we don’t know about? And then we kill him and like…maybe he poisons everyone somehow or blows up the city? I don’t know. We kind of need to know. And knowing his whereabouts would also be kind of helpful. So, what if you just….side with him still? Be the inside guy, right? And then Dick will really believe us that it wasn’t you who shot us and you won’t have to worry about Dick trying to turn you in, I wouldn’t let him but still.”

Jason pauses, holding the open bottle of Gatorade to his mouth. He's pretty sure you're suffering blood loss because that's insane. It's about as insane as you saying he should take the drug to not go through withdrawal. You're losing your sanity. "He already poisoned the water." Jason states.

"He did what now?" You blink at him.

"Your phone died, yeah. The water is poisoned with something he did so don't drink it. GCPD put out an alert this morning." Jason explains.

"Oh, that's fun. Well, still. It's Crane. You know he has something completely insane planned. Probably." You scoot closer to Jason, sitting on your knees right beside him. 

“You want me to work with fucking Crane after he just tried to kill you? That’s fucking insane. Do you know that?” Jason questions with a groan. He wants nothing to do with Crane, even if he could get information from him.

“Yes.” You nod once.

“Fuck no.” Jason shakes his head in the same casual manner before snagging a granola bar.

“Jay, look, okay he thinks he can still manipulate you so let him think that and find out what he’s up to.”

“He won’t tell me shit.” Jason shakes his head in annoyance as he unwraps the granola bar.

“Maybe he will now. If he just tried to kill me and you go back to him anyway, right? Say I turned on you or whatever. That I think it was a setup against me so you wouldn’t have to be the one to pull that trigger. If he knows you’ll turn on me, maybe he’ll finally trust you enough to tell you what’s going on. You’re a pretty good liar sometimes.” You urge him and you know this is an insane idea but it's what you have. The Titans will never figure out Crane's plan without some inside help. They need it.

“You said I was shit liar.” Jason argues, pointing the granola bar at you.

“Well, to me.” You chuckle softly. “I always know when you’re lying but I think you can lie pretty well when you actually need to. I mean, no one figured out you were Robin. And I think that was obvious. I met you and all I thought was that it made sense.”

“This is fucking stupid.” Jason nods his head casually.

“Yeah, well, this whole thing has been fucking stupid. You go back to Crane, work with him and I’ll stay with the Titans. You call the burner when you find shit out and I loop Dick in. You don’t have to physically be home to work with us. You find out, the Titans bring in Crane and shut down whatever shit he’s got going on, then we kill him and you go home.” You explain simply and Jason hates just how convincing you can be.

You make a good point. Jason knows he can lie his ass off, he just wanted to argue. He's worried though because Crane has a way of knowing Jason is lying. It's how he found out about you from the beginning of it all. Jason couldn't just lie because Crane would know. It wasn't exactly a life-or-death situation then though. Maybe Jason wasn't trying all that hard to get away with lying then anyway. Crane admitting his plan would be helpful and Crane thinking you turned on Jason would give Jason enough motive to give up on the Titans entirely. It's not a horrible plan but Jason isn't happy about it.

“Alright fucking fine but this is shit and you know that.” Jason lets out a groan.

“I know.” You smile. “But, it’ll be worth it when his prodigie betrays him in the end.” You scrunch your nose, smiling with pride and Jason can see the light come back to your eyes. He thinks you're gonna be okay.

“You know, kinda hot when you got a plan all ready to go.” Jason offers you a cheeky smirk, his eyes raking over you before coming back to your face.

“I do have my moments.” You grin wickedly at him. “Kind of hot when you actually do what I say.”

“Alright, fuck you. Don't get used to it, babe.” Jason chuckles, shaking his head as the white streak flops onto his forehead. “When we doing this?”

“You could head out now, meet up with Crane and I’ll head back to the manor.” You suggest before taking a bite of your granola bar.

“Alright, just, uh, be careful, please. Let me know if shit happens with the Titans. I don’t want them attacking you for this shit.”

“I got it. I’ve been dealing with them the whole time. Don’t worry, Jay.” You smile softly a him as Jason gets to his feet and stands in front of you.

There's something dark in his eyes this time. He's standing over you as if he doesn't really want to leave. His brows are pinching together in the way they always do when he's worried and his jaw is squaring. He's putting all of the pressure onto his good leg, something you still notice immediately. But, he stands as if he's an unmovable force anyway and the smirk drops from his face.

“I’m serious, alright? Be careful.” Jason sucks in a breath and you've never seen him this kind of protective over you before.

“I will, promise.” You offer him a soft nod before Jason reluctantly heads out.

Jason is still hesitant, keeping his stance in front of you and it feels wrong. It always feels wrong to just leave. But, it's not his place to offer something else in place of him leaving anymore. And he also knows the second he walks back to Crane, that'll probably the last time you see each other until it's resolved. You're going to have to go to the Titans and Dick will likely be watching you closely, to make sure you don't get yourself killed or flip sides again. A lot can happen in a day or a few days and you were just almost killed. It scares the ever-living shit out of him, the very thought of losing you the way you lost him. He hates that he's leaving again. It's what he has to do and he knows that but knowing what he has to do to end this, doesn't make the decision any easier.

Jason leans down, placing his hand on your cheek before he rests his forehead against yours. Your eyes fall closed, a soft and subtle smile coming to your lips.

"Don't do anything fucking stupid and for once, listen to Dick and Gar, alright?" Jason asks, pulling just enough to see your face.

Your brows pull together. "You want me to listen to Dick?"

Jason is still mad at him and maybe Dick wants him dead still. That's always a possibility but something Jason knows, now that he's thinking with a clear head is that Dick does try to protect the Titans. They're his family and he's the leader. And Gar is one of your best friends. The two of them won't let anything happen to you if they can stop it. He knows you taking off had nothing to do with Gar and after last night, Jason thinks Gar would try to actually stop you if it happens again.

Jason's jaw squares, reluctant to say it again. "I'm serious. You got fucking shot." Jason quips.

"Okay." You agree softly, knowing if Jason is asking you to listen to anyone, you should probably take the advice. It always means Jason is very worried and serious. Two things that are a bit unsettling. "I will, promise." You smile softly before pressing your forehead to his for a second. "Now, go, okay? I'll be fine."

Jason nods his head, pulling away and dropping his hand. "I'll call when I find something out." Jason offers one last nod before he turns and darts out of the room.

Jason heads out to an old mechanic shop to meet up with Crane and for the life of him, he has no idea why he's even agreed to this. The only thing he wants to do right about now is kill Crane. He wants to fight him and shoot him and cause him horrendous pain for what he's put you through. He could have killed you and Jason swore no one would ever get away with it. But, now he has to walk in here and pretend he's not pissed about it. He's a good liar, but he doesn't know if he'll actually be able to withhold his blooming hatred.

When Jason meets with Crane, Crane seems to be acting perfectly normal, seemingly believing Jason will always be on his side no matter what. It's something Jason finds to be interesting because he already knew Crane was arrogant. But, he didn't think he was arrogant enough to think Jason would just be perfectly fine with him after being drugged, tricked, lied to, and used. He just shot Tim, possibly ruining his chances of actually going home. He could have killed you. Jason already threatened Crane but Crane seems perfectly fine with everything and Jason's wondering if that's because he agreed to meet.

"You could have fucking killed her." Jason starts with gritted teeth as they walk into the car garage.

"Yeah...sorry about that." Crane says casually. "She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes, there are necessary casualties."

Crane is confident in his ability to manipulate Jason. Crane didn't have a single thing on the kid and Jason still spilled everything about Batman and the Titans. It was easy. It might become more difficult right now, but Crane is confident they'll overcome the current hurdle. After all, for the time being, Crane does still need Jason for his own disposal.

Jason wants to explode right here and take Crane out with him. A necessary causality? That's how you and Tim are being referred to? There is no such thing as a necessary causality when it comes to innocent people. Innocent people don't have to die. They don't have to be hurt. It was a choice Crane made in order to get you out of the way. To show Jason Crane is the one still running the show. And Jason has to stand here and pretend like this is all fine and lie. He's ready for this whole thing to be done and over with.

"You were right anyway." Jason sucks up his pride and do as you tell him. For that alone, Jason should get to kill him after this. "She was going to turn me in. It was all a setup, that's why she was even there."

Crane seems to perk up with Jason's words and he's hoping Crane believes him. "I did tell you she couldn't be trusted. That must be so hard to handle right now. But, see, now you know who has your back." Crane offers an eery smile. "Do I need to finish the job now?" Crane asks bluntly and he is definitely asking to gauge Jason's reaction. He doesn't miss the way Jason's hands turn into fists at his sides with his knuckles turning white.

"No." Jason states. "I'll do it." He states simply, releasing his hands.

"Good. Then you'll have nothing to worry about." Crane pats Jason's shoulder and Jason is ready to change the subject. He hopes that'll be enough bait for now.

"What the fuck is this?" Jason asks, switching the conversation as he looks around.

"This is where the victors go to rest their weary heads." Crane says.

"We didn't win." Jason argues. "They were gonna take me back but you fucked it all up." Sure, Crane did manage to poison the water but from where Jason is standing, it doesn't seem like too many people have been affected and with the alert going out, less people will likely drink the water. They didn't win anything.

"So you had a moment." Crane states simply, completely unbothered. "I've had plenty of them myself. Let bygones by bygones. I forgive you." Crane says before he pulls the cover off a yellow sports car. He lets out a sigh, as if to be pleased by the vehicle. "Sprezzatara."

Jason just rolls his eyes before he leans against the car, resting his back against the A frame. He's annoyed and he wants to get out of here. The hell if Crane forgiving him for? As far as Jason is concerned, he thinks getting him drugged was payback enough for him dealing the drug out behind his back. And Crane seems to be growing a little annoyed with him, too as he lets out a sigh before closing the garage door using the button hanging from a cable.

"Show some respect." Crane says sternly. "Sit." Crane depends, lightly gesturing towards a chair in front of a desk with a computer.

Jason does as told, sitting down and slouching in his seat.

"You know who Edward Bernays is?" Crane asks.

"The sauce guy?" Jason questions.

"Eggs and bacon." Crane says, taking a seat beside Jason. "Classic American breakfast. Do you know why?"

"What's this have to do with--"

"Pork farmers paid Edward Bernays to make it so. See, but Edward Bernays, he had this...this uncle, right? Dear old Uncle Sigmund. As in Sigmund Freud. See, and Freud taught Edward Bernays how the human mind worked. And Edward, he worked the human mind. He didn't sell the proletariat bacon. He sold them the idea that a hearty breakfast was what every doctor thought was best for them. After that, the bacon, it sold itself. Edward Bernays understood that an idea is the most powerful weapon we have." Crane explains before he swivels in his chair to face the computer, Jason eying him carefully and he's getting a really bad feeling about all of this. "It's not the product, it's how you sell it." Crane says as he brings up footage of Nightwing fighting some bad guys and Crane is in some type of editing software. "And Gotham is in need of a new product. We now interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you a message for the good people of Gotham.

Jason leans forward as the video starts to play, Crane already having sent it out as alert to every person in Gotham City.

Oh no.

prev. chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @urmomsgayforme5 // @killxz // @lovefks

[stainedstardom]

OH DAMN

You don't know me 24

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warning: family trauma, mentions of abuse

I rolled over before my arm hit an empty bed. I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I blinked them open. No Chris. I frowned before seeing a note on my bedside table. I yawned as I reached over, picking it up.

you looked too peaceful to wake up. Had to help my Grandpa with packing boxes today, text me when you wake up and i'll come back over.

I love you, Chris.

I smiled as I laid the note back down and fell against my pillows. The sun was peeking in through the window and I shielded the light from my eyes. I wanted to text Chris and tell him to come back over, but I also wanted to get some more sleep.

I groaned into my pillow.

I knew my parents would be hounding me for my decison to end things with Max. I would try to explain my actions but it was no use. They were never going to understand.

I felt my heart start to beat and my body tense from the thought of my father staring at Dan. Dan's soft complexation and soft smile, an older man that would be the kind of guy who would sit in the park and smile and wave to the small children, maybe even give the little girl some money to buy an ice cream cone.

To look at an innocent old man and tell him that he was being let go, do to the decision of his grandson, is heartless. My eyes were up at the ceiling. I felt tears brim to my eyes. This wasn't fair. He can't do this.

Hell, he probably didn't. He probably sent one of his staff to break the news to him. He didn't have a care in his heart to even be the one to do it.

I can't lose the only person who cares about me. The only person I care about. I couldn't lose him just because I pissed off my parents. This doesn't just effect me. This effects Dan's life too. His grandfather. He didn't have a lot of money to begin with, and now he has nothing?

It's not fair.

I rolled out of bed.

I can't just sit here and do nothing. I've crossed so many lines already. What's a few more? I stood up before rubbing my eyes and throwing on some clothes, brushing out my hair.

Game plan. Y/n, Think.

I turned to my door. This house was huge. Filled with empty corridors and empty rooms. Full of secrets, probably. Isn't that how it is in the movies? I let out a breath before pushing my door open and walking out into the hallway.

I looked down my staircase, light on my feet to not make an noise. "Mom?" I said. Silence. I glanced around. She might be out a pilates with her friends. "Dad, are you home?" My voice echoed through the house. He's probably at the office.

I sighed of reilef before tiptoeing through the hallway, down the second pair of steps, down the right hallway. Ending at my Dad's office. I took in a breath before pushing the door open, it creaking slightly.

I winced before pausing for any sort of noise from the rest of the house. I didn't hear anything so I kept going. I walked into his office before walking towards his desk and plopping down in his seat.

I didn't even know where to look. What I was looking for? Nothing. I was walking in blind. I shifted through papers on his desk. Notes, deals, business shit I had no idea how or any interest to decipher.

I pulled his drawers open. Files, apon files. Nothing. I sat in there for a half hour shifting through every document, every paper. Nothing. The man was an asshole, yes. Criminal, no. I found nothing to be able to help with my situation.

Defeated, I stood up after making sure that I placed every paper back into place to leave no evidence of me ever being in there. I walked towards the door before closing it softly.

I turned, walking back down the hallway. I pulled my arms over myself. Have I always been this helpless? Letting my life play out in front of me, always on the bench? I swallowed the lump in my throat.

After everything. After letting my parents treat me the way they do, staying in a toxic relationship, letting my mother play dress up with me in designer clothes I don't care about, feeling the power of a man's grip around my throat as he screamed at me, nothing. And I mean nothing. Made me feel more helpless than watching the one person I loved pack up boxes to move away because of something I caused.

I just needed to see him. He knew how to make everything better. I walked down the stairs as I spotted my shoes at the bottom of the steps. I felt my heart clench when I realized, it won't always be like this. I won't be able to run to 1126 Evangeline St everytimes my life gets hard.

I won't have that luxury by the end of the month. I swallowed and wiped the tears from my face, pulling on my shoes rapidly as my mind just repeated over and over, Chris. I just need Chris. I need to be with Chris.

I stood up straight getting ready to march out the door when my eyes drifted to my parent’s bedroom door. I paused as I looked at it. Maybe my father wouldn't be so stupid to keep any secrets in his office, but his bedroom?

I licked my lips, turning my gaze to the front door. Before I knew it, my feet were marching towards the bedroom. I pushed it open as my eyes glanced over the freshly made sheets and the sunlight peering through the window.

I let out a breath.

This is insane. I am insane.

I shook my head as I moved over to my father’s side of the room, pulling drawers open. Over and over, running my hands through all his belongings. I slammed a bottle of expensive colonge in the drawer and cursed. My hands shifted through everything, and it was useless. All of it.

I stepped back, trying to breathe. My eyes glanced over to my mother’s side. Was I looking on the wrong side?

I blinked at her drawers before calmly walking over to her side of the bed. My eyes trailed her perfume bottles, perfectly aligning her desk. Chanel, Tom Ford, Dior.

I traced my thumb over the tops of them. My mother isn't an idiot. She wouldn't leave anything she didn't want seen in her bedroom. I glanced over to the bathroom before trailing in. I glanced over to two huge walk in closets. One for my father, one for my mother.

I walked into my mother's closet, my hand trailing her custom tailored suits and sweaters. My fingers grazed the fabric. I spun around. Any girls dream closet. And I wanted to burn everything in here. I pushed the hung clothes back, checking behind everything. Every shoe box. Every jewerly container.

Nothing.

I fell back on my butt as I laid agaisnt the ground. Nothing but up to date horribly expensive clothes. I pressed my hands to my face. This was stupid. This was a waste of time. I blinked up at the celing as my eyes trailed the top of her closet.

I paused.

A shoes box in the top of her closet, tucked in the corner, only a small part of it seen. Out of place from her other shoe boxes that laid on the ground for easy access. I froze. I sat up on my hands before scrambling to my feet.

“God, please don’t let these be sex toys” I mumbled to myself.

I stared at it before glancing to the rails lining her closet, holding up her clothes. Not only was I in french lessons as a kid, my mother also put me in gymnastics. I pressed my sweaty palms to my legs, wiping off the sweat.

God, I hope I'm still flexible. My hands hover over the top rails before grabbing them and hoisting myself up and placing my knee on the other rail to push myself up enough to grab the box, barley. I yelped as I came crashing back down and the box came with me.

I fell to the ground, not so gracefully along with the box. It popped open and the contents of it spilling on the floor. I groaned as pained spiked through my elbow that took the weight of my fall. Maybe i'm not as flexible as I once imagined myself to be.

I sat up before looking towards the ground. Letter after letter, poured on the floor beneath me, along with dried out flowers and jewelry. I furrowed my eyebrows before picking up a necklace.

2-12-87❤️

87? I blinked at it. My mom must have been... My eyes widened. 18 years old. I swallowed as I dropped the necklace. Did I discover some weird love notes that my father wrote to my mother? Fucking gross.

I reluctantly grabbed a note that was folded up and Clara was written elegantly on the front. My mother's name. I unfolded the paper before seeing a note written across it.

my dearest Clara,

I will pine for you the rest of my life, my love. My light. My entire existance. With everything that is in me, I will love you until the day I close my eyes for good.

I smiled, okay maybe my father isn't heartless. Maybe I just never saw this side of him.

I don't care. I don't care about the circumstances before us, because you are the strongest girl I know. That I'll ever known. Whatever it took to get to you was worth it and whatever it takes to keep you is too. I've never imagined myself falling so deeply in love with someone as much as I have fallen into you. Clara please, never leave me. For every day I will continue to fight for you.

James

I froze. The paper in my hand, I gripped. "What the f..." My voice trailed as I stared at the paper. Who the fuck was James? My Dad's name was Scott. I threw the paper to the side before picking up and unfolding another one.

Clara,

please think this through before you decide. It's not fair. Think. Think about everything we've been through. You can't just up and leave, that's not how it works. You're a fighter, you've always been a fighter. You cannot give up on us like this. Please. Don't do this. You're killing me

James.

I shook my head in confusion as I looked at the paper. I picked up another one.

Clara.

I understand. I understand now why you did what you did. Why you chose who you chose. I'm not Scott. I'll never be Scott. I'll never have the money Scott has, but Scott will never be half the man I am and you know that. I will love you unconditionally. I know that right now, i can't give you the life you deserve. The cars, the house, the vacations. I can't give you the stuff he can, but I can give you more love than you will ever need.

I know that me saying this, means nothing to you know because everything that happened between us is over. But it will never be over for me. I love you, so much. I'm not asking you to give up what your life could be with him, but please just let me come to the hospital.

I need to be there. I don't care if Scott’s there. I don't care if you look him in the face and tell him that that's his child. But please. I need to see her, Clara she's half of me. She's my child. I wanna be there to see her. I wanna be there to name her. I will stand there and not say a word about her being mine, as long as I can just be there. She's mine too and I’ll do whatever you want, I promise I don't want to make it harder for you than it already is. But she's my daughter.

Please Clara. Please.

James.

Daughter? I shook my head as I dropped the letter, scrambling for another letter.

Clara,

I saw the photos in the newspaper. A Labraut. How fitting. Almost. Execpt she's not. And you know she's not. This letter isn't coming out of a place of hate, please don't think that Clara. I could never hate you, no matter how much you choose to hate me. I just wanted to be there. I wanna be in her life. I don't care how.

I get why you didn't tell Scott I was the father. I get why you said it was his. Your family name, it's important. It's important to you. And I get that. But she's a Doe. Y/n is a Doe. She has my blood--

My mouth parted, Doe. Doe. Doe. Where have I heard that name be--.

All blood drained from my body. Nate. Nate Doe. I dropped the paper, as I scrambed on my feet and pushed away from the open shoe box. I heard the closet door push open before I saw my mother come into my line of vision.

"Y/n, what are you--"

She froze when she saw the shoe box opened and spread across the floor. Her eyes widened and her face dropped. Her head snapped back to me.

"I'm---" I shook my head. "I'm a Doe?" I said shaking my head. Her face went white as she stared down at me. I bent down to pick up the paper and scanned it.

"Who is James? Why is he saying i'm a Doe? Why--" I shook my head as I felt my eyes water. "I know what the letter says Y/n!" She snapped making me looked up at her. She ripped the paper from my hand.

"You had no right, to look through those!" She glared at me. I shook my head I stared at her. "Scott isn't my father?" I voice broke. She stared at me, worry and fear crossing her face. “I’m not a Labraut?” I shook my head as I looked down.

"Wh-Who is James? Why--Why--" I pressed my hand to my chest, feeling light headed. "Y/n, listen to me--Listen" My mother stepped towards me. I shook my head as I stumbled back into the racks of clothes.

She held her hands out. "I can explain, if you just let me. Y/n please" She breathed, her eyes pleading me. I shook my head. "How-How is this even possible? Does Dad---Does Scott know?" I asked staring at her. She swallowed as she looked as me and shook her head slowly.

I looked down just trying to breathe. I couldn't. The closet was small.

"He doesn't know Y/n. You can't tell him okay? No one can know about this---just let me explain the situation" She pleaded. I didn't let her finish before I was racing out of the closet. She was quick behind me.

"Y/n!"

I didn't listen as I ran as fast as my feet would allow me.

-

I pushed the door open before, lunging over trying to catch my breath.

"Y/n? What are you--" Chris stood up from his bed, his room basically bare, boxes filling every corner. I held up my hand for him to stop talking. "I'm--" I shook my head, standing back up straight. I looked at him, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to read my face.

"I'm a Doe. Chris I'm a Doe. I'm not a Labraut. My-My mother she lied to me--She had me with someone else--Nate's--He's my brother--We're--" I stuttered staring at Chris. But his face didn't turn into a state of shock, much like mine did when I found out.

Instead guilt crossed his face as he listen to me speak.

"Why-Why are you looking at me like that? Chris are you listening to what i'm saying? Nate's father he's---" I shook my head. Chris looked down at his face. I stopped as I stared at him.

I shook my head as I stared at his expressionless face. What?

"You knew" I breathed quietly. He looked up at me, flexing his jaw. My eyes widened and I stepped back. "You knew?" I snapped. He shook his head and stepped forward. "Y/n-" He started. I shook my head.

"You knew I was related to Nate and you didn't tell me?" I snapped staring at him. He swallowed as he reached for me. "Chris" I shook my head as I looked around. "Is everyone in my life lying to me?" I snapped.

Chris shook his head.

"Y/n, I've only known for a few days. Nate swore that I wouldn't tell you I-"

"Nate knows?"

Chris froze and stared at me. I shook my head in confusion. "How--Why does he........What?" I shook my head feeling this overwhelming situation start to press down on me. My eyes filled with tears.

"I don't understand" My voice broke. Chris stepped towards me. "Y/n" He breathed. I pushed his arms that attempted to come around me off. "No" I cried, reaching up and wiping my face.

"I don't understand why I'm always in the dark" I cried stepping back. "Everyone--" I shook my head. "Everyone treats me like I'm fucking stupid, helpless!" I cried. Chris shook his head. "Y/n, no I don't--"

"Yes you do!" I yelled at him. He closed his mouth. "I'm a person! I deserve---" I choked on a sob. "I deserve to be treated like one--I don't understand--" I swallowed shaking my head. I pressed my hands to my face as I cried.

"Why does no one treat me like one?" I breathed looking up at him. "Y/n, this is a lot. I get it, okay? Just talk to me. Please" He breathed placing his hand on my arm. I pushed him off.

"No" I cried. "You're just like everyone else. You treat me the same. Like an incompetent child" I said glaring at him. He closed his eyes and sighed. I wiped my face before opening the door and walking out.

He didn't come after me.

[stainedstardom]

yall i really wanna be one of those people where their inboxs are flooded

my inbox is quite dead currently 😫😫😫

[stainedstardom]

OH THIS ATE SO HARD

You don't know me 23

P1 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: smut lol. fighting, mentions of cheating, fighting.

here is the most ydkm coded song to ever exist i'll argue with my wall:

"You're---"

"You're what?" My heart dropped. He looked down taking in a breath. I stood up. "Chris---you can't" I shook my head as my heart started to race.

"You can't move back. You're life is here. I'm here--Nate's here--your grandpa--" I shook my head as I tried to wrap my head around his words. "You can't just pick up and move" I said feeling my heart against my rib cage.

"Don't you think I know that y/n?" He snapped looking up at me. I just looked down at him. "I know" His voice broke. I just blinked down at him for a second as he placed his hands against his face. I bent back down, grabbing his hand and pulling it against me.

"W-What do you mean you're moving? I-I don't--" I felt my eyes start to water. "It's my grandpa--" He shook his head. I just watched him.

"His job laid him off and he won't find a job fast enough to be able to afford this house" Chris breathed shaking his head. "He's gotta be out by the end of the month, his retirement fund can only cover a one-bedroom house at least" Chris said shaking his head.

"I don't have a room, I don't have a choice in this" He shook his head. I took in a breath and shook my head. "Can-Can you stay with Nate? Can you stay with me? Chris there has to be--" I said frantically.

"I'm not going to ask the two people I love most for any more handouts, Y/n. I'm not going to do it" he shook his head. I blinked at him. "W-What company did Dan work for? Maybe I could do something maybe my father could--"

He glanced up at me. I paused when I saw the way he was looking at me. My mouth parted. "No" I breathed. He looked down at his feet. "Chris" I pulled his hand. He didn't say anything.

"He worked for the Labraut firm?" I almost whispered. He closed his eyes. I let go of his hand and pushed my hands through my hair as my breath quickened. I shook my head. "No-He--No" I shook my head.

"Is it-" I shook my head. Chris looked up at me. "Is it my fault? Is this my fault because last night i--" Tears fell over my lashes. Chris pulled my arm. "No Y/n, this isn't your fault. This is not your fault" Chris shook his head, pulling me into him.

I tried to breath against him, but I couldn't. Was this my fault? Because my parents knew I was seeing him? He laid off his Grandpa? It was my fault.

"You can't leave" I whispered. He looked up at me. "I don't have a choice" He whispered back. "Then I'm coming with you" I shook my head. "Y/n, you can't" His voice broke as he covered his face.

"You're family is here, your life---is here" He whispered. "So is yours" I said shaking my head.

The one thing that brought me happiness, my parents were ripping away from me. I closed my eyes as I thought back to my dad.

my mother wasn't always a bad person, so she doesn't understand how the master manipulation works. My father does.

So he wouldn't tell me I couldn't break up with him.

He would just resent me until I gave in, little did he know that this time, it wasn't going to work.

No, I wasn't going to let him win. Not this time. I wanna win. For once I want to be able to be fucking happy. I barley even got to play the game.

I pulled off Chris. "I can fix this" I said wiping my eyes. Chris looked down at me. "I can Chris, I can talk to my father. I can take out of my trust fund--so that you can save the house--"

"No Y/n, no" Chris stood up making me stop as I looked up at him. He stared down at me. "I don't want--" He took in a breath. "I don't want your money Y/n" He shook his head. I blinked at him before standing up.

"No Chris, don't think of it like that--please just let me help-" I said grabbing his shoulder. He shook me off of him. "I don't want you to help, Y/n. I'm not a charity case" He glared down at me. I blinked at him.

I shook my head.

"Chris, stop. You're deflecting your emotions. You're not mad at me, you're not angry with me, you're upset okay? Don't let your emotions get the best of you" I said shaking my head. He swallowed as he looked away from me. He closed his eyes taking in a breath.

"I get it Y/n, this sucks, but I don't want your money. I've never wanted your money" He shook his head. I just looked up at him. I leaned my head against his chest, wrapping my arms around him.

"I love you so much Chris" I whispered feeling my eyes pool again. "So so much, you're so special to me" I whispered closing my eyes. He stilled under me as he took in an uneasy breath.

I squeezed his hand, he finally down up at me.

"Chris, please don't leave me. You're my everything" I said as a tear fell down my face. He swallowed as his eyes filled with tears. "I-I-" He shook his head. "I didn't know how to tell you, Y/n I'm--" He shook his head as tears poured over his eyes.

I pressed my hands against his face, as he started to cry. I swallowed a sob as he shook against me. "It's okay Chris. It's gonna be okay" I whispered, but I didn't know that. I didn't know that at all.

I closed my eyes as his arms came around me.

My lip quivered as I felt my heart break.

-

"Hey, stop thinking" Chris pulled my hand. I took in a breath looking from him to my feet. "I'm not" I lied shaking my head. He tilted his head. "I'm not" I said again meeting his eyes forcing a smile.

"Good" He smiled leaning down and pecking my lips. I pulled his arm closer to me as we walked.

Stop thinking about it? How am I suppose to not think about it? I could take the privite jet there every weekend, but it would be behind my parents back, they might call the police. He could visit every break and maybe sleep on Dan's couch, or stay at Nate's.

Every break?

I couldn't wait that long to see him, I would claw at the walls. I wouldn't be able to live. I don't know how I've even gotten this far without him. I don't know how I'm gonna--

"Y/n"

My eyes snapped up to his. He sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I'll stop. I'm excited to spend some time with you tonight, really. I've just--" I let out a breath. He stopped walking and wrapped his arms around me.

"We'll be alright. Just relax, I want my girlfriend back" He whispered, but I could hear the weight in his voice. He was feeling the pressure of the situation. I leaned my weight against him as we walked.

"I'm sorry" I whispered feeling guilt wash over me because him moving was the only thing I could think about. It was eating me alive. I didn't want to think about a time when he couldn't hold me like this, when he couldn't speak to me face to face. It would be through a screen hundreds of miles away.

He leaned down pressing his lips to the side of my head before leaning off me and going back to just holding my hand, before giving it a light squeeze.

"Are you sad I'm pulling you away from formal?" Chris asked glancing down at me. I looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Are you kidding? Forget formal, nothing could be more important than my time with you" I smiled up at him. He smiled and shook his head.

"You're so corny" He chuckled. I pulled his arm glaring making him laugh. I shook my head looking back forward seeing the gas station come into view. "I'm kidding, I love you" He smiled kissing my cheek making me blush and turn away.

"Stop hiding your face from me" He said grabbing my sides making me laugh and attempt to push him away. "Chris" I laughed as we walked into the parking lot. He laughed with me, but the laughing stopped quickly when the gas station door pushed open.

I froze when Max's eyes drifted up to mine and then to Chris. Sydney, Cayden, Mitch, Cooper, and two other of Max's friends exited the store behind them. I stopped walking when we made eye contact, because Chris's hand was still in mine.

Chris paused to before fixating his gaze on Max. My heart started to beat. No. No please. Not tonight. Please. Tonight wasn't suppose to be about this. I didn't have the mental capacity to do this with Max right now. This night was suppose to be about me and Chris.

My eyes shifted over to Sydney who stood frozen, staring at me, her eyes widening. I blinked at her. They were all dressed ready for formal. The boys in suits, Sydney in a dark purple dress.

I cursed myself because the realaziation hit when I saw Max gripping a brown paper bag in his hands. This is the gas station Max goes to before events to buy his alcohol, never failing to pre-game any event.

How could I be more stupid?

"Oh really?" Max's voice broke the awkward stare down. Chris stepped forward, my hand gripped his. "Don't Chris" I breathed. He stilled. Max glanced between us.

"So this is the reason?" He asked looking at me, raising the hand that was gripping the bag, pointing at Chris. I looked down at my feet, feeling the fear of him wash over me. Chris looked down at me.

"Some low-life you're gonna trade for me?" Max said stepped towards us. "Max, maybe we shouldn't-" Cayden said placing his arm on Max's, but Max pushed him off harshly. I didn't look up at him, feeling my arms start to shake.

"How long huh?" He spat. Chris's eyes never left Max's movements. "How long were cheating on me with him? Because I know you didn’t just pull this out of your ass" He spat motioning between me and Chris.

I flinched from his words. I let go of Chris's hand and hugged myself, feeling everyone's eyes on me.

"I-"

"I always knew you were a fucking slut, was it just the one or were there multiple?"

"Watch it" Chris stepped towards him. Max raised his eyebrows. I grabbed Chris's arm. "Chris don't, please. I--" I shook my head. Chris didn't turn to me, glaring down Max still. Their gazes never left each other. I looked at Max.

"I get it Max, this looks bad" I breathed shaking my head. I had to get this off my chest, what I did was shitty. I'm not oblivious to that. Cheating isn't right under any circumstances.

"I should have told you I was seeing someone else" I said shaking my head. "What I did in our relationship--I'm not proud of" I breathed shaking my head. Max's eyes snapped to mine. "But i'm not going to apologize for anything that brought me to Chris" I whispered looking at him.

He glared at me.

"You think you're in a fucking love story don't you? You think the whole world revolves around fucking Y/n Labraut." He said raising his eyebrows. I glanced to Sydney who was looking between us worriedly.

“Shut up” I mumbled. He glared at me. “This what you want? You think he’s gonna give you what you want in life?” Max snapped at me.

“You don’t know what I want. You don’t even know me” I clenched my jaw at him.

"Wake up. Because as soon as he gets a wiff of little miss rich priss's panties he'll be on his way. Just wait" Max glared at me. I swallowed before Chris pushed forward and grabbed Max by his jacket bringing their noses together.

"Wanna say that again Ralph Lauren?" Chris gripped his suit so hard his knuckles turned white. I stepped forward. "Chris it's not worth it" I breathed quickly. Max smirked up at Chris. I could basically see the steam coming out of his ears.

"Go on, tell your new little boyfriend to hit me" Max's eyes shifted to mine. "Doesn't change the fact that you cheated on me. I'm sure your father would love to hear that" Max smiled. I let out a breath feeling my chest clench.

Chris's gripped tightened. "Tell me I can hit him, Y/n" Chris glared down at him. I blinked at Chris. My hands shook. I shook my head.

"I-"

"He switched shirts!"

I looked over seeing Sydney stepping forward. My eyebrows furrowed as Sydney's eyes watered. Chris's gripped loosened on Max as his vision turned to Sydney. Max's eyes widened.

"Sydney what are you-!" Cayden snapped grabbing her shoulder but she shook him off. "No!" She glared at him. She turned back to me and I shook my head in confusion.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry. I should have told you sooner but I was so scared and I didn't want Cayden to-" She shook her head coming up to me. I put my hand on her shoulders as she started to cry.

"Sydney what are you talking about?" I asked shaking my head. She took a deep breath. "At the party! At the beginning of the year, you saw Max kissing that girl, not Mitch" She shook her head, tearing streaming down her face.

My face dropped.

"Max knew you saw him, so he gave Mitch a 12 pack of beer to switch shirts and take the fall. Y/n, I'm so fucking sorry I never told you" She shook her head.

"Sydney you swore you-" Cayden snapped.

"I don't care!" Sydney snapped.

I glanced over to Mitch and then Max who both looked guilty. I felt a smile come to my face before I laughed. Chris looked back at me and I shook my head covering my mouth.

"Oh my god" I smiled turning to Max. Chris let go of him and stepped back as Max's jaw hardened and he looked towards the ground. "You're not only an abusive piece of shit--" I said raising my eyebrows.

"You're a lying hypocrite piece of shit too" I gasped smiling. He shook his head and turned his head. I pursed my lips before stepping up to hm.

"And I couldn't thank you enough" I smiled. He looked up at me, a face full of confusion. I glanced over at Chris who had a small smile on his face.

"I used to stay up at night wondering why I was put in a postion to be with someone who eats me alive, who hurts me so so much" I said shaking my head. Max's stare hardened.

"But in the end it was all worth it, all of the pain, all of the hurt" I said stepping back. I smiled up at Chris who looked proudly down at me. I smiled grabbing his hand.

"Because it gave me you" I whispered up at Chris. Chris smiled down at me. Chris looked up at Max before looking back at me. "I wish you the best really" I smiled over at Max. "But fuck you" I smiled. Max glared at me.

I pulled Chris's arm before we turned and started to walk the other direction. Chris paused making me look up at him. He stared down at me. He leaned down pressing his lips against my ear.

"Please forgive me for what I'm about to do" He whispered before I felt him drop my hand. I opened my mouth to say something back but he was already marching back to Max, his fist flying at his face.

I lunged forward as Max stumbled to the ground. Chris climbed on top of him, swinging again and I ran back over to them. Mitch and Cayden grabbed Chris attempting to pull him off Max, but with one shove from Chris, they were laying on their ass.

"Chris! You're gonna kill him, Stop!" I screamed grabbing his shoulder. Chris brought his hands up, his chest rising and falling. Max groaned on the ground.

"You don't know how long i've wanted to do that" He said mumbling down to Max before shoving his chest against the ground. Chris climbed off of him before grabbing his bag with the liqour and taking it out and slamming it against the ground, the sound of shattering glass filling the air.

I glanced over at Sydney who stood there looking at me. Chris grabbed my hand. "Come on" He whispered down at me, before pulling my arm. I looked away from Sydney before walking away with Chris.

-

"You're insane" I whispered as I wrapped his knuckles. Chris chuckled in front of me. "They say that love makes you this way" He smiled down at our hands. I shook my head as I tore the end of the wrap before securing it in place.

I grabbed his hand and looked up at him. "You didn't have to wrap them, Y/n. I said I was fine" Chris whispered looking down at me. I shook my head. "I didn't want the cuts getting infected" I whispered back looking at his hands.

"I love you" He whispered. I glanced up at him smiling. He just stared down at me. "Like, I really love you" He whispered shaking his head. I looked up before wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I know you do Chris. I love you too" I whispered. But he had a different look in his eyes, he just stared at me like he never wanted to look away. He leaned forward before connecting our lips softly. I kissed him back letting go of a breath as he pushed me back, out of the bathroom.

"Jump" He mumbled before I lifted off my feet, barley moving because he basically lifted me off the ground and wrapped my legs around him. He bit down on my lip making me open my mouth as he slipped his toungue into my mouth.

I smiled as I pushed my hands through his hair. He leaned down, placing me against the bed as he crawled over me, disconnecting our lips. I smiled up at him, pressing my hands against his face as he smiled down at me.

"I'm sorry you missed your dance" He whispered. I chuckled. "What dance?" I whispered. He smiled before leaning down and kissing me harder. "And I'm sorry I beat up your ex boyfriend" He whispered.

"What ex boyfriend?" I mumbled as I pressed my lips to his again. He smiled against me, placing his hands on my waist, riding my shirt up. I pressed our bodies together and he pressed his lips against the side of my neck.

"I love you, I love you" He repeated, his lips on my neck. I leaned my head back, placing my hand on the back of his neck. "Chris" I breathed heavily, barley being able to see from the feeling of his lips. They were like sweet poison spreading through my body with every touch.

"I need to feel you" I whispered, my eyes closing. He lifted his head. "What can I give you?" He whispered looking down at me. I reached down before pulling my shirt above my head and throwing it to the side. His eyes stayed connected to mine.

"Everything" I whispered. He smiled as his lips overtook mine and he gripped my waist as we kissed. "You’re gonna kill me" He whispered against my lips. "You make life worth living" I whispered back. He smiled before he leaned up and pulled his shirt off his body.

My eyes glanced down his figure and he chuckled before coming back down over me. "Are you okay? Is this okay?" I whispered, pressing my hands to his face. He smiled. "If i'm with you, everything's okay" He whispered back kissing me.

He reached down before pulling out his belt and throwing it to the side. A few seconds later he was only in his underwear. He parted from my lips before hooking his hands under my short and looking up at me.

I nodded as I leaned my head back. He smiled as I lifted my hips and he removed my shorts. "I feel like I'm living one of my wet dreams" He chuckled. I smiled and shook my head. "I'm your girlfriend remember?” I chuckled as he came back over me.

"Shit, right. I forgot that wasn't a dream either" He smiled. I rolled my eyes. "Corny" I chuckled. "Only for you" He smiled pressing his lips softly to mine. "For the rest of my life" He whispered. I blinked up at him.

He blinked down at me. "Are you ready?" He whispered. I nodded before he pushed down my underwear, along with his own. He pushed my knees apart before pressing his chest against mine.

He lifted his head up before meeting my eyes. I stared back at him as I felt him push into me. I blinked my eyes closed and opened my mouth from the pressure. "F-Fuck" I cried. He kept pushing into me.

"So b-big" I mumbled trying to breath. "Please, don't tell me that. I-I wanna last" He breathed pressing his forehead to mine. I blinked my eyes open to meet mine. He finally bottomed out before he closed his eyes and sighed.

"You're inside me" I breathed. He chuckled, hanging his head into my shoulder. "Mm hmm" He nodded against my neck. "Can you m-move please?" I shifted under him, and he twitched inside of me. "Yeah s-sorry. You just..feel so good" His voice broke. I smiled before I felt him pull back, allowing me to breathe before it was caught in my throat again when he pushed back in.

We moaned in unison and he lifted his head. I grabbed his shoulder. "Chris" I moaned hanging my head. He fit inside of me like he was made for me. He pulled back out before pushing again. Hitting every spot he needed to.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him to me.

"Faster"

"Fuck"

He lifted my knee before pushing into me faster, making me crumble beneath him. "Y/n" He moaned against me. "You--You--fuck Chris." I breathed feeling his pace moving faster. I could barley see from the amount of pleasure.

"You're so perfect, so perfect for me" He whispered making me clench against him as he pushed into me. "You look so pretty" He whispered. "Chris" I arched against his movements.

"Please, tell me you're close because I---" He took in a breath as I felt him twitch inside me. I felt my stomach start to clench. He reached down before moving his fingers against me as he pushed into me.

"Fuck I-I-" I shook under him. "You got it. You got it, taking me so well" He whispered against my ear. I stuttered against his words as his fingers moved faster. "Feels--" I sqeezed my eyes shut.

"Feels good? Am I making my pretty girl feel good?" He mumbled. Oh my god. I nodded vigorously . "Please Chris" I whined. "I'm right---" I froze as I felt the knot in my stomach snap as I finished against him.

He sighed as his hand moved away from me and he chased his high, pushing into me a few more times before he shuttered and stiffened. He let out a breath as he collasped against me.

I leaned back as his hands came around me. I swallowed the lump in my throat that started to form. I felt my eyes start to water as I stared at the ceiling.

"Please don't leave" I whispered. His head snapped up from the tone of my voice. His hands came up to my face and he wiped the tears forming.

"Hey, Hey" He whispered shaking his head. I closed my eyes and shook my head. He sighed pressing his forehead against mine. "I don't wanna go. Please just---let's try to not think about it right now okay?" He shook his head. I blinked my eyes open seeing his eyes watering as well.

"I love you so much" I whispered. He smiled. "I love you more than I've ever loved another soul" He whispered leaning down and pressed his lips to mine.

2/3 plot twist complete