stopstaringatmeimshy

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

It's a day of feeling like a failure.

First in locomotor lecture, then in SSRA, in awe with their incredible presentation skills and how well they all have spent the summer, then frustrated with myself of not going tt.

"don't be too harsh on yourself" said my sister

Well I might as well focus on yourself.

Secondly, stop being the toxic person. Remember the video you saw today and how much you can change if you stick with your will. Don't give up, don't let things slip.

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Reflecting on the status of the relationship:

What is love?

Love is selfless, embracing...

Love is also a game. A clever balance or a tug of war of energy and power of both parties. I used to have

Did you lose yourself in the relationship?

Self-restraint

Connection with others

Having own boundary is necessary. Family always come first. . This is not a complaint but an objective statement of my parents. He tends to show everything on the face and maybe he's just tired after cooking so many dishes. Why jump to conclusion and worrying for nothing? And Confession in this aspect can never be enlightening , let alone the expectation for a fairy tale. Even if he knew, we can and always tolerate. This is ALREADY the best we can hope for. This is how this family works. We understand each boundaries. Mutual understanding and respect towards family cultures is all I'm asking. One can only achieve what you can do in this moment and solve problems within your ability. 家家有本難念的經

Focus on the relationship and the future plan instead of dwelling on parent's reaction. It's not the matter of courage but the matter of detail planning for the future. Don't rush for anything.

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

28/8 day 1

Told mum about us. Strangely calm reaction as if she had known for so long, waiting for my final affirmation. She said when I grow up, I might develop a fond in men. Basically asked me not to be so sure about my sexuality because the only thing that is forever true is that we keep changing. If she's not the right person, one day we are going to fall out of love... And at that time I'm gonna consider the possibility of being with either genders. But for now I'm still gonna be with her.

Drunk in Yuen long, kept screaming her name when I reached home. Having a kink with slapping and biting her arm.

Someone forgot to bring her bra after diving

29/8 D2

Meeting up with horace. Went tin Shui Wai and tm for shopping clothes. The time when the legendary vest is born.

Nearly ran into lam sir. We literally kissed in front of him. Luckily he didn't look up.

30/8 D3

Went to play badminton. Then went to her place. We studied, watched Yt videos tgt. The air was filled with voice of the narrator and the sexual tension between us. I had been massaging but then my hands slipped down to her waist and everything goes west

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Daily struggle...

Whether I should post it on social media...

Pro:

People can stop bothering her

Sense of security

Show that u care about her

U PROMISED HER

Con:

U don't have to post it to show it

What if people find out and tell your parents? Am I really screwed if this happens? Maybe not really. People gonna send me blessings right? And suet is gonna be here no matter what

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Inspiration is a spark. But a spark can last forever. The continuous effort of adding fuel can.

People say 家有一老，如有一寶

My granny's lifestyle humbles me once again. Waking up at six every day, my adorable, witty and bright granny begins her day with a set of exercises. We often underestimate the potential amount of work accomplished by morning birds and over glorify the endurance of the late night hustlers. The shock i had when I saw a street full of runners at 7 in the morning is beyond imagination. Don't mention those on the returning trip from shopping.

What makes me slack sooooo much in the morning?

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

She may not be the best person to chat about crazy pop culture, songs or gossips. But she knows:

how to make me smile;

how to bring out the best of me;

what stamina truly means and how far it can bring you;

how to take up mistakes;

the best way to apologise is not admitting, but to admit and also put your verbal promises into action;

how to show care and love to others - not by sparkles of passion but with non-wavering care of the smallest things in life;

Isn't she just the perfect companion for personal growth, and for lifetime?

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Day 15, 31/7/2022

Hey tumblr, I fucked up again.

I was on the phone with my sisters and somehow I just told my girlfriend that I would be on the phone for a while and left her hanging.

Where's my promise to treat her like other guys wanted to?

I always only panicked when I feel like I'm going to lose someone.

Maybe you should start a list on HOW TO TREAT YOUR PARENTS, YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR FAMILY RIGHT.

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Day 2 17/7/2022

Like what a normal person does, I spent the entire day with my girlfriend. We roamed around TM city centre, and I at first planned to go over to her place to get gears for kayaking with frds. But the weather has been harsh to us. Even though I have ditched the old plan, plan to visit her family remains. Her mum told me about keto breads enthusiastically. That means she feels comfortable around me right?

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Day 1, 16/7/2022

WHAT AN AMAZING DAY.

I never thought I would be writing a diary for the sake of romance or a date. Neither did I think romance could actually be that deadly(not literally but more like unforgettable).

Once I got out of the hotel, the heat hit me right in the face, breaking the cool, relaxing facade in the hotel. The resilience of people wearing mask under high heat is utterly shocking. An angel walked into my sight in the hell of heat. Who said angels have to be white but not tanned and in GAP vest?

There was an unspoken urge-to-merge that brought up down the road of blue shorts. We walked shoulders to shoulders at first. Then she tickled my fingers while mines did the same, like snakes trying to wrap their necks around each other. Then we ended up holding hands. I never felt so confident in life. Like nothing else even matters anymore. We were inseparable.

But it just didn't stop there. She followed me home and I personally feel like something was going to happen between us, which she disagreed afterwards.

We hugged. I slipped my head on the shoulder, starting to rub my lips against her neck. She's almost odourless (weird coz people always have their own sense). She kissed my cheek as I swirled my head and met her lips. Then things just go as what it is supposed to be... Not going to far as we both are on the first day of menstruation haha. Moon sisters.

She went down on me first. This was strange but she put me through emotions and sensation that I have never experienced before.

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Getting the gist of 聽君一席話，勝讀十年書

Especially the table tennis videos I saw on YouTube make me go "how could I not know about that".

Relearning backhand drive 推, loop 上旋拉, forehand lift.

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

“The idea that people born in a geographical region have some common spirit and a common destiny is nonsense, but it’s compelling nonsense.”--Otto English, Fake History: Ten Great Lies and How They Shaped the World

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Trying to put life together

Do you remeber the last time people telling your how one can never achieve greatness without the ability to manage tiny goals in life? Or 知微見著？

Sitting in a pile of washed clothes, I would be grateful to have at least one reason to justify the fact that clothes are all over the places. Despite how much I am unbothered by housework or trying to justify it with "organisation in chaos", the old yet wise wisdom has, indeed, proofed its right of existing by defying the testiment of time. Here it is, standing as still as the stone in the sea, and humbles me, like every other ever-lasting words of wisdom.

This morning is like every morning: I woke up early but was stucked in bed bed for at least an hour or two. Beautiful piano tunes, however, broke the silence in the house. Amid my surprise of the improvement of my sister's piano skills, I realised that today was the first visit of one piano student from France and that strangely melodic tune was flowing beautifully under his graceful strokes of keys.

Aging 19, he is living a life and achieving goals that I might never achieve in not double but triple of the same time: travelling to other countries WITHOUT COMPANIONS, A JOB OFFER FOR IMPROVING A LANGUAGE. If that's not amazing enough, he learns piano on Youtube. I can't tell you how surprised I was when I learnt the fact that he cannot read notes from sheets. SIGHTREADING KEYS ONLY AND ACTUALLY REMEMBERING THEM WITH MUSCLE MEMORY? They are some surprising facts but not until I learnt that he practices 4 hours a day. And working in a SPAR.

How could anyone arrange their life so well, so put-together, so much self dicipline? My goals are literally all over the places: driving liscense, research guidance, piano, guitar, gym, running, typing, excel, knitting, cooking... Is it time for me to actually achieve them one by one instead of dipping my finger in literally every pie?

#chaotic moodboard

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

Someone's dead on the flight back... What a bad way to end a trip but i guess that shows me 2 things: 1. work on my study and be an useful doctor in the future and 2. remember how fragile your life is.

[stopstaringatmeimshy]

This isn't a good way to start a blog when it's inspired by a mysterious, if not bizarre, death of Elisa Lam... So if one day I'm gone, people can see my trails of thoughts and know how dorky, random, cold-blooded or emotional I am.

It almost feels like I'm an author... I have absolute control over what I wanna publish. Not like I haven't had any in life but this almost feels therapeutic.