surrsilver

[surrsilver]

I assume the insults and namecalling in my dm's (still get notifications for them just in case, well.....ya know....are because of our little shit show. Honestly, though, I am confused. YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME SEE YOU FOR TWN MINUTES. YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME (except, perhaps, to add myself to an extensivr list of your faceless minions. Come on, you are better than that) So, why can't we just wish each other the best, let me go back to being depressed and hating the world, and stop wasting each other's time. I won't tell you I love you, cuz you know.

[surrsilver]

Nonsense

[surrsilver]

Fortesa Latifi, from The Truth About Grief.

[surrsilver]

It has been too "on the money" in too many huge spots for me to ihnore it....man, on the occasion when it is, seemingly, at least, just dead fucking wtong, concerning somecvital issue.....it really hurts badly, and confuses 6y very core. Awful.

Trust your gut… You ain’t feeling that way for no reason.

[surrsilver]

Hey y'all, I am ditching this phone, and this account with it. I am starting another one, but will likely not bump into y'all, as I am going to atempt sobriety (again) and do not, typically, view racy tumblr's sans meth. Anyway, I have found this experience to be rather eye-opening, and mostly pleasant. Although I may have emerged from a journey without the treasure which inspired it, I enjoyed myself along the way, added some previously unknown pieces of knowledge to my repertoire, and, most of all, learned where my destination is not. I hope that I was not over-the-top rude/disrespectful, at any time. I know I came close, at least, on several occasions. I want to add that I feel yhe same love for you I always have...disappointing though it is to learn that this feeling doesn't mean what I hoped it did, it is not to be ignored, either. Please 5ake care of yourself. If you are doing we hat makes you happy, I commend you for it. I hope also, that you possess the courage to change in the event that it becomes necessary....only you know the truth that is deep in your heart. Never be afraid to look. You will not be approached by me again, you will be in my best wishes.

[surrsilver]

Meh, if I take issue with this, it is simply because I have spent a large chunk of time on the wrong side of this coin. It depends upon who you are making fun of, and his/her individual situation. A person doing their best, who has difficult personal challenges to overcome, was never in a position to acquire high education, etc is one who should not only be spared your jokes, but admired for working hard every day. On the other hand, if someone is simply a fuck-up (possesses everything necessary to land and perform well at a good job, maybe a bit of good-natured ribbing would help light a fire....if not, he at least deserves it. After a much needed course correction on my end, I look forward to once again feeling qualified to shred the less fortunate, verbally, with every opportunity. Just kidding.

i don’t fuck with people who make fun of people for their financial/social/job status (or lack of).

[surrsilver]

Lucky indeed are those positioned to witness the awesome transformation from an already intelligent, beautiful, powerful woman into something greater than their imaginations believed may exist. She was the rarest of rare birds, and was finally discarding the impediments to the revelation of this truth.

A happy ending:

“She agreed to love herself deeply.She was finally the sun of her own life.”

-Juansen Dizon, I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction

[surrsilver]

[surrsilver]

"But, you can't possibly demolish the entirety of future possibilities with someone you admit to loving just becauae you disagree with how they have handled THIS encounter under THESE circumstances." I stared incredulously a0t my friend, among my oldest in Phoenix. This guy, first off, clearly suffered from some sort of brain damage or memory loss. He was also a fucking pussy.

"No. Not because I may disagree with how they handle this, that, or the whole thing...because she won't even talk to me, face too face, prior to deciding how they wish to approach me now.and moving forward....and. I had promised a laid back, non-coersive environment, where nobody is badmouthed or berated.....and, yes I can too do that. Easily. I don't care if I am viewed as a common homeless person by her, and if she has accepted and believed every piece of bullshit fed to her by fucking insecure male whores wanting to secure their meal ticket and/or hang onto one of the few attractive 12 step women who would even consider hooking up with them (not referring to S her...like I said, I don't fabricate rib...there are plenty real ones available. Try this yourself)...you understand? I don't give a fuck about any portion of a person's existence if they can't find a way to extend me at least a small measure of respect....don't believe I have earned it? So the fuck what? I have been around this large, loosely knit crowd in Phoenix since 2001 (except for spending much of 03 and 04 in California and 2017 in Albuquerque) I promise you that virtually EVERYONE in it has been, let's just say "difficult to openly respect" on occasion since. You know what? I have always found a way to treat everyone like a human being....especially if I only had to do it for 10 goddamn minutes. Fuck that. I am not waiting for her to get a wild hair. I have faith that things will turn. They always have ...they ALREADY have, in a sense."

"But you LOVE her!! You can't walk away from that."

"Dude.....how many fucking DAYS have you known me? Of COURSE I CAN....especially since I will NEVER trust her after this, she is all set to AVOID THE SIMPLE ACT OF APOLOGIZING AFTER BADLY HURTING A PERSON SHE CLAIMS...and HAS PRIVATELY CLAIMED, ON OTHER OCCASIONS, TO CARE ABOUT, RO HAVE APPRECIATED MY LIVE FOR AND UNSHAKABLE BELIEF IN, HER. She is now all set to fucking crush me....CRUSH ME, DUDE...AGAIN, BASED ON FUCKING NOTHING. BULLSHIT NOTHING, OF THE WORST VARIETY....AND, SIMPLY, DUST HER HANDS OFF AND WALK AWAY FROM MY WRECKED SHELL OF MY FORMER SELF WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD....BECAUSE SHE XAN GET OFF TONIGHT!!!!! Yes, I DO love her, but she is EXTREMELY sick, the relationship....or, friendhip, for that matter, would need tremendous work and devotion from both parties....that ain't fuckin' comin' from her, right now, it's fair to assume. It takes two to even have a prayer of defeating a set of odds that apparently insurmountablere. It is actually good for the soul to attempt something like that,now and then, but, not now, not with her....it'd be aproductive as smashing yourslf over the head with a big ass fireman's hammer.gardless. There is NO CHOICE but to disengage from everythong but casual sex....and I KNOW you can guess as to how uigh on my cashe list she would be. It will be fine, bro....It is actually her decision, much more than mine, and, watch,,this will help me find myself again....I should really start charging for this kind of advice....never too late late to take yourself seriously as a human being, Vance....other people will then take you the same way....but, YOU have to be first."

[surrsilver]

Damn....why can't you be on my mind, rather than the difficult assholes who always are? Can I get your number? ;)

If I’m on ur mind just text me

[surrsilver]

I am sure that nearly all will understand why I walk away from one person, in particullar after a series of events wholly unfavorable to me occurred over the past few days. They will understand, I will be pissed, but know that after ALL THAT, this had to be done....and, he'd occasionally wonder, forever, the true ingredients of that decision...because it seemed a certainty to go in the opposite direction for so long. Overall, this would not kill his self esteem, he had actually done better than he expected from his age, current finances, and health, and relative rust...much better. This one was not for his ego, though. It was for his soul. His love....and, he was crushed at the thouggt of taking a Loss here.

“You know I don’t agree with what you did. But I understand why you did it.”

— Hanya Yanagihara

[surrsilver]

And, another thing....stop acting like I am not familiar with polyamory and stand to gain this profound set of personal gifts from it once I have an "open mind." That is not the case. If I end up having to allow more than i ideally would like, then that's the way it goes....but, I STILL HAVE NOT SEEN OR TALKED TO YOU. .what could I possibly assume at this point, other than you do not give a fuck ?

[surrsilver]

LOOK, I AM SORRY. AGAIN. I WAS UPSET. I AM STILL UPSET. I STILL SHOULD HAVE ACTED DIFFERENTLY. IT'S NOT ONE THING, THOUGH. IT'S EVERYTHING. IT WAS ALL SO POORLY HANDLED. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I LOVE YOU (AS YOU KNOW) WE CAN TALK THIS THROUGH AND MAKE IT RIGHT, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO DO SO. IT FELT EMPTY HATING YOU....THE TRUTH IS THAT I DID NOT EVER ACTUALLY HATE YOU, BUT LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY, MY MIND DOES NOT EASILY GET USED TO THE IDEA THAT YOU ARE SOMEONE TO IGNORE, OR WORK AGAINST. YOU AREN'T. LET'S FIGURE THIS OUT, J---. I AM IN THE SAME SPOT. BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND'S ACCUSATIONS AND A BUNCH OF MONEY lol

[surrsilver]

Y'all should bury those, "if it's meant to happen, it will always happen," memes. They will only encourage shitty, self-destructive behavior. You can ruin any relationship, if you persis in doing so hard enough....it doesn't matter how strong it is, or how much its participants wish to remain in it.

[surrsilver]

Yeah....you actually DIDN'T "hush Your Mouth," though, did you poet? I agree that the scenario described in your poem would be unacceptable, and, as I mentioned earlier, I would see to it that it did not happen that way. Yes, it is true that I have spent much of the past 10 years, or so, as a "not-always-productive-person," (although, allow me to take this opportunity to, once again, remind everyone, that I have still made more money in my lifetime than the lying gigolo who spent the past few days badmoything me not surprising) the fact that she bought it, ansmd slept with him, though (heartbreaking. I don't know if I'll ever forgive her. So...ideally,we'd have you truly minding your business (that's always preferred. If that is not an option, though, why don't you at least attempt to gather the whole story...OR cite sources from the third you DID gain. I wanted nothing more from life than to wake up next to her for decades....believe me when I tell you that I was not going to freeload off of her, cause her embarassment to her friends, etc....Interestingly enough, it was the realization of what an embarassment that HER BEHAVIOR SEEMED READY TO BE....AND HER ABSOLUTE DISREGARD FOR ME, OR MY FEELINGS (I mean, right? I would LOVE to be able to see it ANY other way....but, there truly isn't one that makes sense, sadly) I had already thought a lot about this, actually....probably more than was warranted...

[surrsilver]

Think if you had sex with every single member of the Cardinals Special Teams. That would REALLY show me...cuz you do what you want.

[surrsilver]

Despite the tragic (there's truly no other word) developments that eliminated my main purpose for be posting to this site, I would still like to extend the same invitation that has been on the table for months to the wholly contemptible pieces of shit who have talked, non-stop, behind my back for months (I know you will want to take credit for what happened today, but that was her doing--her illness--you were props...I'll bet that happens a lot. Anyway, sorry, I am full of pent-up anger, due to the fact that passive-aggressive people who focus their energies on "bringing down" another person, because they lack the manhood to do it in a straightforward fashion, and would fear the situation if their adversary were made aware that he was in a fight. That's fucking beneath contempt...a coward dies 1000 deaths, and a backstabber is not worthy of humanity. But, anyway, I invite any of you to log the complaint(s) against me that you tell others about....I realize there's a pretty small financial matter with S....other than that, I am expecting a bunch more lies.