suugrbunz

[suugrbunz]

im like barely alive but here, have photos of my cat. her name is laila.

#౨ৎ laila ‹𝟹

[suugrbunz]

Hi! So sorry if this sounds pushy, i'm not trying to rush you! But i sent in a ship request not long ago and tumblr didn't tell me it was "submitted" or anything so I'm not sure if it got eaten or not :/ So I just wanted to know if you had ship request in your ask? Thanks! (sorry tumblr has done this to me so many times so i just don't trust the system anymore)

hey don't worry about being pushy! ive been a bit unwell lately and a holiday in my religion has begun— so ive not been particularly active this past week or the last. your ask is still in my ask box and will be answered very soon. hope you have a wonderful day/night (my asks have been eaten before as well, so don't worry.)

[suugrbunz]

has anyone already made the joke that crosby's (possible) affair(s?) were like schrödinger's infidelity? because.... they truly are.

#mota #masters of the air #harry crosby

[suugrbunz]

ken lemmons being married isnt shocking bc he definitely is a family man but like damn can he be my family man??

#ken lemmons #mota #masters of the air #౨ৎ i want him.

[suugrbunz]

ugh my dumb self esteem is so low im literally having trouble just picking out a photo for my spotify pfp

#౨ৎ personal thoughts

[suugrbunz]

i have been called a yapper more than once... so now i have to recall why I yap. to be fair, you have to ask me these things to get me to yap but heres some things i am especially enthusiastic about

List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material

zosa & amir ‹𝟹

jewish history & the history of antisemitism

the half written confession between amir and zosa

mahmoud darwish & his effects on my writing

human geography

hmm, i think i literally can only think of one person to tag??? uh @groovin2beats

i think i got tagged six times?? thank you so much @panzershrike-pretz, @busybussinbee, @pharaohbean, @sunflowerrosy, @the-cinnamontography-is-amazing, and @sweetxvanixlla! i made a new post since the other one was so long...

list 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

my favorite music artists

war movies at large

the american election

my ocs and the novels i'm writing

an analysis of my favorite movies

tagging: @coco-bean-1218, @meet-you-at-the-north-star, @hesbuckcompton-baby, @suugrbunz, @wexhappyxfew, and @luckyricochet!

#౨ৎ Tag Games

[suugrbunz]

#la vita è bella #౨ৎ crying brb

[suugrbunz]

have you ever heard of wehrmachtblr? yeah me neither until about forty-five minutes ago. see the thing is you're probably wondering; what the fuck anna? and yeah that's the correct response because there are these individuals who create art of nazis and say how they're so cute. they claim— they don't support nazism and yet they create fucking fan art of them and say how cute they are? where is the cognitive dissonance? How can you say oh he's sooo cute yet he was fucking complicit in the murder of millions upon millions? what the fuck? from my knowledge it seems to be people who use simplified chinese and they're all friends? someone explicitly said something positive about menegele and i nearly lost it.

#what the fuck?? #theyre like the antithesis of the hbo war fandom #this is so fucked up #????? how can you look at a man and think uwu hes so cute #BITCH HE EXPERIMENTED ON TWINS #YOU ARE RHE PROBLEM???

[suugrbunz]

Beautiful description of art and of rambling writing (“stream of consciousness”?), I’ve never heard anyone talk so thoughtfully about jumbled messages! Love it. Written daydream..

Ah, how I’d enjoy putting my “book” online like you have, I’m just too paranoid about people stealing it (though I’m aware of how self indulgent that sounds & also how extremely unlikely it is anyone would steal it, as it hardly even has a plot… But I’m still paranoid of it being stolen. Maybe I’ll get over that someday lol, though I doubt it)

Read the first chapter, feeling how different I am from Zosa yet how easy it is to empathise with her. I can feel her numbness & her tension; something everyone has felt & can understand. You’ve written her well. Really like the detail you’ve put in, especially the sensory detail, & the best writing includes “mundane” parts of life - you’ve done that, so well! 

Will slowly read the rest soon; then I’ll disappear again 🪄🤹‍♀️🤗

💝anon

I had the fear of my book being stolen but immediately remembered; if your audience really is just your friends, that won't happen. Like if I'm being real; I'm a small blog and not many people are reading my novel. I have like 91 followers and get 1-3 notes most of the time. So it feels rather cozy here since most people are really kindhearted mutuals...or probably kindhearted people I don't know. Still, it's a valid fear to have as it happens, not often but it still happens.

My writing has become completely influenced by the writing i surround myself with— writing by people who were poets. plus, i started out as a poet. Plus, I think i love jumbled writing and streams of people's consciousness because i'm quiet until i'm not and then i'm saying too much. so, instead of telling someone they're saying too much and hurting their feelings; i know there is passion in their writing and that's why they've said so much.

As for your reaction to Postcard from Paris; thank you :'). I wanted to write a character people would learn to love since she's going to experience lots of growth and changes she's afraid of but learns to embrace it.

#💝 anon

[suugrbunz]

Ahh, thank you, glad you like the accents! Although, I think I’d forgotten at this point that Maureen was meant to sound Massachusetts rather than French-Louisiana like Lyam… But oh well, lol. Going to sleep, but gonna read some of your writing just before :) I’ve no doubt I’ll like it.

Ugh, just looking back on my last message - it’s so long and jumbled..! Apologies.

Thank you for writing again <3

💝anon

i love when people spill their every thought to me; it's really therapeutic to read it. it really wasn't jumbled. it just felt like catching up with an old friend. which is one of the best feelings. it's okay to make mistakes in writing, especially unpublished; it's like a written daydream and not everything is perfect ... That's the beauty of art. Art has its imperfections and that's the mark of the creator. It's reminiscent of how roman bakers left their fingerprints in the bread they made. :)

#💝 anon

[suugrbunz]

I’d love to read the chapters you’ve published! Is it “Postcards From Paris”? I remember reading the snippets you posted last year, really enjoyed them, especially with the punk connection but also how the characters interacted, they were very human.

Aww, Laila.. That’s a really cool story. Lucky cat. She’ll appreciate you very much! She has a good home. My childhood cat was a tortoiseshell. They’re gorgeous.

My main account, which I reblog stuff from every now & then, is a bit of a mess, & I generally don’t interact with anyone from it as I like to keep as a safe, personal space for just me; but I’m thinking of creating a little sideblog to add moodboards of my characters? Maybe sometime.

It’s awful hearing you’ve been through so many horrible feelings regarding your body. We live in a very messed up world, wtf is wrong with people that makes them feel the need to cause others shame for something so natural? Don’t understand it..

Which Khalil Gibran book is it? I’d love to see the cover!

I think of you often too. This really is like writing an old pen pal! You made me smile. It’s so lovely to write to you again. As I said, I can’t be on here for long, due to lack of time and a general aversion to using the internet too much; but it’s so lovely to interact for a short while again!

Oh, and I want to say, you were so kind about my writing last year - you really motivated me and made me feel so very happy about it. I’m so private about my writing and only show it to a very few people.. So thank you for being so good to me about it, I really appreciated it 🩷

Also, “and i actually followed through on replacing nick” - you replaced him?! Lol! Made me giggle.

Okay, I’ll add some of my writing below.. ——————————

It’s late. They’d spent the night at Maureen’s favourite restaurant, the one with the concrete floor and the multicolour thank you notes on the walls, the one which Cecil also frequents to buy boxes of banana and melted chocolate sandwiches for Joey. Late and dark. The town’s already half-empty. They were lucky the restaurant still exists. Maureen, as always, unceremoniously shoves open her front door as she cackles about something funny a customer had done earlier while she’d been balancing filled boxes. Lyam follows her into the kitchen as she puffs repeatedly on her cigarette, talking around the smoke while he stays silent. She turns to him, one of her hands busy with the frying pan and the other with lighting her next cigarette. “You awrigh’ Benoit? Feels like ‘m talkin’ to myself,”

The words are rough and harsh - just like her voice - but her face is gentle and smiling. Lyam smiles softly back at her. “‘m awrigh’ Maureen,” Her smile turns toothy as she spins, scurrying over to the stepping stool to reach the pack of doughnuts, a cloud of smoke following behind. Lyam steps forward, hand on her buzzing arm, steady and gentle. She pauses, head lowering to look slightly down at him - an unusual angle for them. Trails of silky, white smoke run out of her painted lips, and they smile at him when she sees his glazed, gentle eyes looking right at them. “Keep tellin’ you Maureen, you gotta stop wi’ these,” he mutters, tugging the cigarette out from between her fingers. She’s still, watching him bend to stub it out on her counter ashtray in the bright, yellowy bulb light. She’s still, watching him straighten back up, his eyes on her face again, hesitant. She palaces a jittering hand on his cheek and his face relaxes. She doesn’t have to move forward much, they’re already so close, to connect their lips.

———————-

🫣 I’m so uncomfortable about showing others my romance writing, hope it’s okay!!That was their last moment together in the book. A good ending for them I thought!

Will read your chapters when I get the time :)

💝anon

Sadly, the punk connection had to be dropped because i couldn't get the plot to move forward. It was so strange and maybe it is partly my own fault because i was definitely worse at plotting atp. Whereas now plots come to me rather easily? Anyway, it is Postcards from Paris! I hope you enjoy it when you begin your reading journey. That is actually why i thought of you, i just wondered if you'd ever read my work and if you'd be proud of it.

I definitely recommend making moodboards; I have some planned that i haven't actually created yet. oh, i made webweaves for my characters as well! Those came out pretty nicely if i do say so myself. I am also really private about my writing and someone had to convince me to publish this (if they're reading this; hi, thank you, i hope you know who you are!!).

I DID REPLACE NICK IT FEELS LIKE SUCH A SIN. I miss him but the plot has moved forward so nicely since ive replaced him, but i really need to incorporate him in another way. I have an idea but we'll see 👀.

i love your writing so much, it's lovely as ever. every time i read your writing it inspires me to better my own. i hope you see the beauty in your writing. If it helps you at all, I've gotten into the habit of rolling my eyes at my own romance writing. Only recently, when writing zosa and amir's confessions, did i gush about my romance writing...and oh boy is it worth the gushing.

I love that you add dialect and accents into your dialogue; I have such a hard time doing that because i wonder if it'll be wince worthy if i do it... yet when i see others do it I'm just like starstruck by it.

#💝 anon

[suugrbunz]

hear ye hear ye; my motivation to write has returned.

[suugrbunz]

Hey! 💝anon here.. That was me giving tips earlier.. Been back on Tumblr for just a couple days, clearing out my old account, saying hellos to old online friends. Thank you, so much, for how you inspired my story last year. You motivated me - so much!

The story finished. I adidn’t do a huge amount with Maureen & Lyam’s relationship; they had a few more moments together, bonding & learning to trust & appreciate each other. Their final moment in the story was their first kiss! (I can send a snippet if you’d like?)

I turned 19 last year (so, a bit younger than you I suppose :)) It’s been good, getting offline. It’s given me more time to do other things; learn gardening from an elderly relative, do some singing (on my own lol), spend time with my family, learn about things that interest me.

Anyway. Hope you’re doing okay and taking care of yourself, and you can find ways to make life easier, whatever those ways are. 

I understand about the streaming service thing. My family usually just watch cheap second hand DVDs (charity shop sells 20 DVDs for £1!), and occasionally use the cheaper version of Netflix (with ads). I use Internet Archive (archive.org) for books and films (manly older, lesser known films), it’s free, so that’s a good option. 

And totally, get away from Instagram & TikTok! If you think you’d be happier without it, drop it! People online can be really nasty. I quit looking at Reddit, & basically all comments, last year after I suffered a deep depression (due to peoples’ extremely nasty comments toward a part of lgbt that I identify with) Doing a lot better now. 

IDK, and it’s not my business, but hope something works for you. The best people, the ones worth knowing, are those who appreciate character and kindness over consumerist beauty ideals (I say consumerist cause it’s in my belief that we’re pretty well brainwashed to think “perfect looking” people look good; a way of getting people to keep buying makeup they don’t need and the latest fashions)

Ahh, hope this isn’t too much, I write fast and am only basing this all off a couple posts I saw you made, so I’m real sorry if it’s too much! I’ve got a ton of spare time today so I’m just rambling. 

I can’t be coming back to online socialising like I used to, as it took up so much of my limited spare time last year, so this is a rarity, just to say hello. Hugs 🫂 

💝anon

i literally cried seeing it was you— i was noshing on a gyro, crying alone in the kitchen. I have hereditary depression, so it won't get better. It'll always be there. It's just worse than normal lately. Hoping it'll calm down, I wrote and edited some of my book today.

This is like writing a lovely old pen pal, ah, it's nearly therapeutic. I think of you often. I'm nearing tears as i write this because something about talking to you has felt so homeward bound. I love archive, that's how I watched the clash movie, Rude Boy! I have some unread books I wish to finish, one is kafka and the other is khalil gibran. You should see the khalil gibran book, it has such an ornate cover.

I adopted a cat since we've last spoken, she was beside my neighbours house during a storm. I had been taking out my dog and heard her meowing. When i approached her, she immediately came to me. Oh, her name is Laila, she's a tortoise shell.

I definitely have to agree, we are brainwashed constantly to see aging as a sign of lost beauty. Similarly, we are taught that our bodies are never enough because whatever the trend is— it isn't for a girl with an hourglass body. I told my mother the other night, through lots of tears i have never truly loved myself. I mean, around puberty is when confidence develops, at least in my opinion. I got bullied for my body developing into what it now is. So, you can imagine what eating disorder shit i go through because of it. Only fueled by my mother also having a fucked up perception of body-image as well. I am trying my best to understand that my value is an independent variable from the weight on a scale.

Please send me all the writing you wish to, I remember loving your writing. I started publishing my book, but it's completely different. I had to change everything; it was going nowhere. I couldn't get a plot to stitch together. I was nearly at the point of deleting it. Then, out of the blue, I woke up after some dream and was like— "what if I used tamino as a faceclaim? What if x, y, z?". Soooo, i ended up experimenting with it and i actually followed through on replacing nick (i want to implement him in the new book tbh, i miss him). Ah, i hope you find the time to read the chapters I have published... that is if you want to read them, truly there is no pressure there. Again though; please send me your work.

#💝 anon #౨ৎ guys my favourite anon is back 🥹

[suugrbunz]

Don’t throw your writing away. It’s a part of yourself, something you’ve put time and emotion into. Believe me, you’ll regret it - I still regret ripping up a couple of my journals 8+ years ago. If you need a break, just put your writing aside for a while. Do something else to focus your mind. Things that can help me, when I’m feeling low, are listening to music, reading a book (nonfiction especially), cooking, going out and doing something, and any kind of nonverbal creative activity (clay sculpting, making music, drawing, sewing, knitting). 

I recommend reading a book that’s very different from what you might usually read or write about. As in, if you usually read a lot about WWII, don’t read about that - try something completely different. 

Watching a good film or TV show can be comforting too. Again, something that really helps me is going outside my usual subjects - so try watching something different. 

Writing something different can help too. Maybe just do some journaling about what’s happened in your day, each day. Or write about your favourite memories.

If you read total rubbish on the internet, stop it! I’ve wasted hours reading absolute trash articles and scrolling on strangers’ profiles. It’s not worth it. 

Take care and be good to yourself. If you just sit around or let your thoughts fester, you’ll never feel better. Do something different. It’s basic advice but it can work wonders <3

so basically, me hating my writing for a moment came from a fight with my friend which I'm still resolving. it also partly comes from I don't know what exactly I wish to do with my next chapter and usually i ask that friend her opinion— but we're in the midst of communicating our feelings so I can't just suddenly ask "hey does this or this create a better plot.".

i do appreciate your suggestions but i tend to do all of that already; i help my mother cook because she has a chronic illness (but i love that we get to spend time together). i read physical books because i use them as a way to better my writing but i need to read more. funnily enough, i have to sew the seam of my pants which I'll be doing when my cat isnt around me. she loves to try and eat my scissors or my sewing needle. Funnily enough, I don't read ww2 books. I tend to read all sorts of books. Maybe I'll re-read some mahmoud darwish. My parents only have one streaming service (youtubeTV) as that's all we can afford right now. Which doesn't have anything I enjoy. So, um, if anyone has any tubi recommendations, go for it!

I've been trying to decrease my time spent on social media; i uninstalled tiktok nearly six or seven months ago, i try not to look at Instagram too much but it is my primary way of texting people. Instagram and tiktok fuck me up though. I saw someone with a similar body shape as my own and everyone was body shaming her for being an hourglass figure... it's one thing when porn addicted men shame women; like it's taken with a grain of salt. However, seeing women shame her made me feel so small yk? i need to stop looking at Instagram comments. especially when everyone has such skewed perceptions of body image? i mean i wrote zosa with an eating disorder as a way to vent for me with the hope that a representation of someone with an eating disorder would help someone feel like... they're not alone. um, anyway, I'm getting off track. idk, sorry.

#౨ৎ personal thoughts #౨ৎ anonymous asks

[suugrbunz]

I'm tired and depressed, again. i need to edit this chapter to get it published, still haven't. i meant to do it on friday, and then Saturday, sunday, and now its wednesday and ive done nothing. additionally, im pissed off at my friend which obviously helps nothing. ugh. what is something i can do to make myself happy again? im starting to even resent my own book ffs.

[suugrbunz]

heres the edit of amir/his faceclaim for anyone interested. 🫶🏼

#౨ৎ Amir Qamar #౨ৎ my friend wasn't in a great mood and just joked about it and then said 'but its good quality' which hurt but its fine... #౨ৎ (my feelings are hurt)

[suugrbunz]

should i post my video edit of amir's fc?