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had a dream that I met a wizard and we fell in love and became unhealthily attached to each other so we decided to meld into one single creature together but the process was horrifically slow and painful and most of the dream was us lying in bed holding hands while lesions opened up in our skin and seeped out blue and green fluid and the wizard said "this is going to take a very very long time" and I said "that's ok"

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Owning a black cat is awesome because you’ll leave the bathroom and The Shape will be waiting for you

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Ask me to walk on fucking water Malborn

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I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad

I find it combination kinda funny kinda sad

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yknow what would be a fucked up phone feature

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You know things must be going bad, when Obama has to come save his ass again.

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If y'all liked the unidentifiable yellow glitter goo you'll love the time I made wine out of marshmallow Peeps

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Death Note AU where hbomberguy makes a five hour long video about youtuber Light Yagami that's initially completely unrelated to the murders (Light would probably plagiarize or have really unhinged right-wing political takes if he was on youtube)

but halfway through he reveals that while researching he stumbled upon evidence that Light might be behind the Kira murders, and then spends like fourty minutes explaining the concept of a shinigami, an hour explaining how he thinks Light used one to commit murders, and then another hour explaining Light's ideology and why the concept of criminals being inherently evil is flawed

He finishes the video by addressing Light directly and telling him that he (Hbomberguy) had his name legally changed before uploading the video, to something that only he knows, making it impossible for Light to kill him

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hears someone pounding at my door immediately before receiving this message

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blah blah Bethesda bad anyway

my favorite thing about Elder Scrolls is how goddamn fuckin weird it is

like on surface it's just some dnd game but like even a cursory glance shows tis fucking insane like:

The moons is the corpse of a god

the stars are actually holes in reality when alot of primordial spirits hated that mortals were becoming a thing and fucked off

The demon lord of forbidden knowledge/resident Cthulhu stand-in might also be the beta version of the entire fucking universe made sentient when it wasn't chosen to be the used reality

there are cat ppl that take the form of furrys, lions, or regular cats, so you can have a cursing Pirate legend whose an alcoholic & wanted in 5 countries but is also a like basic tabby cat

the wood elves are so pro-nature they're cannibals and also they murder vegetarians

Vampires came from the Lord of Rape doing well ya know

Werewolves came to exist bc the lord of hunt got bored and is a furry

sex is treated like a fucking ip copyright contract on what aspect of sex is happening and what god it's under. There's been many religious wars about this

The lizard ppl are part tree

the Dwarves all fucked off somewhere and disappeared bc they were so atheist they did math to break relativity and literally no one has any idea where they went God or mortal (except maybe Cthulhu and hes not telling)

Said Cthulhu stand-in treats hiding your grandma's secret cookie recipe & hiding a spell that would end the universe and slay a god the exact same and he will murder you for either

Everyone wants to fuck the Orcs but will never admit it and they got so bent out of shape that a demon god killed the og orc god, ate him, and shat him out bc she couldn't deal with everyone complimenting them all the time so now all Orcs are cursed to be hated but they're all still sexy & so is their god

And all this isnt even the tip of the iceberg

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if i can't play as a girl in your video game you already lost brother

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is this a thing?

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