#+ with minimal encouragement atm im just running myself in circles

[orcelito]

hmmm

maybe i need to not do this tonight after all

#speculation nation #discacc shit #i am. just stressing myself out with this pressure lol #+ with minimal encouragement atm im just running myself in circles #trying desperately to finish writing. and i am soooo close #but i can just imagine how this will turn out #i push myself too hard to finish this chapter tonight. which it WOULD take a real push to finish it tonight. #bc im officially at 16k words for this chapter. and i am not even done writing. #i stay up far too late to edit. bc that is a Lot of words to edit. #i end up sleep deprived. it's a long chapter so people wont even be able to read it quickly #i can barely sleep anyways bc im too busy waking up every hour to check to see if there are any comments (which there likely wont be. #or at least will be minimal comments. bc as i said it is a long chapter. people cant make it through it quickly) #then i crash tomorrow bc i didnt get the engagement i worked so hard for as quickly as i wanted it #im still without a beta reader bc andi is recovering which means i dont have the safety net / reassurance that beta reading provided me #and ultimately i end up in a shit state tomorrow. unable to even jump into my next bit of writing as ive pressured myself to do. #i can see it fully laid out before me bc this is EXACTLY what has happened the last few chapters. last chapter especially. #i did end up getting pretty good engagement on the last chapter. but it took time. & by then i'd already had an entire crash over it #as much as i want to finish this b4 the 21st i really need to be mindful with myself #i am doing no one any favors by rushing it. least of all myself. #really if youve read this far + youre a discacc reader. i would rly appreciate if u could send me some kind of encouragement #even as little as liking this post would help. tho a reply/ask would b more effective lol #im currently stuck in the sink hole of 'no one cares' so. it'd help to have that proven wrong. #is it annoying that i have no fucking object permanence w/ knowing ppl care about my writing? Absolutely! #but idk im just trying to do my best with a shit brain. any bit of help/reassurance would be appreciated