#// especially in bloodborne. where her parents pretended to love her but practically treated her like a thing / doll / toy

[a-bottomless-curse]

*sad musings in the tags that i should actually make meta posts on*

#// did i just remind myself with the word association dash game that kayden does struggle to view herself as being worthy of love? #// especially in her bloodborne and god-servant verses? #// because she's grown up so used to being treated like she's more of a thing and less of a person and thus if she is loved #// it's more that she is loved for what she can do / provide rather than being loved for who she is as a person #// especially in bloodborne. where her parents pretended to love her but practically treated her like a thing / doll / toy #// and such treatment only got worse after her visit to yharnam and after her grandparents died #// do by the time she's a full on independant adult. she had problems even considering that people would like her even as a friend unless #// she could do or provide something for them #// it's uh....taken quite a bit of effort for her mind set to change even a little #// she's in a healthier spot mentally for the most part. but she still struggles with these beliefs / feelings a lot #// especially on her worse mental days #// and goodness her view of herself in the god-servant verse is so much worse considering how she was treated by #// both her parents (practically offering her up to be a 'servant') and her first master treating her so horribly #// in her elden ring verse she is much more paralyzed with the fear that she's cursed #// and that anyone who loves her will suffer for it #// so as much as she wants to be close to people and wants to be loved and love others #// she's terrified to do so because she doesn't want to hurt others #words from the ghost || ooc