#;;me hands my characters to araian

[agilneanrose]

A OOC moment..

I just need to write a bit. I met Alanden’s player back in 2010.  OOC we became instant friends and I mean instant. It was so quick that people around us thought it was more - nope! IC our characters were the same, instant friends. We had long nights of writing together to create the friendship we had IRL and boy could he write!  IRL we would drift apart when life took us, him with the military and me with children. But we would come back together as if no time had passed - share updates about our IRL antics, do some gaming and so on. This is the mark of a good, strong friendship. Time doesn’t change things.  I am going to disclaimer that friends fight. Fighting does not mean being cruel, it means fighting. That is it. And we fought! Whew did we fight. Mostly because I am passive and he is not. While he was a social butterfly and knew everyone's name, he also called people out and could flip a switch to become savage which in turn would flip my protective switch. And then we clashed.  And made up. Clash and make up.  Ethan made sure to at least always send me updates via facebook when he was deployed, ask me about my family, and then go dark again. Even when we were fighting! Even. When. We. Were. Fighting. Last year he came back to RP and Raid/PVP and brought with him his typical energy. He started raiding with the group, dabbed in PVPing again. Icly, our characters actually tried to bridge the friendship to couple gap after 11 years of being best friends and were going to get married. This was the weirdest and funniest thing we’ve ever done with him - I think. It was so awkward and ...weird.  We couldn’t do it, we would just laugh ooc at their one chaste kiss and then Alandan IMMEDIATELY going to Araian to ask for Rosemarri’s hand. While he was back his thoughtfulness always surprised me. “I am going to stream because I know Rose likes to watch.” Or random game mails with silly things in it. Weeds. Flowers. He even made a Tumblr to write for his character because I worked when he was free and he wanted to post things that I could read. Even though his dog passed, he was going through a toxic break up - he still did that stuff. He encouraged me to think of my body as a temple, he would always say it.  “Shu Ray - your body is a temple, one of the pillars of happiness. You need to take care of yourself, work out in a way that feels good to you.”  And then he would send me pictures from the gym each morning. Sing me songs. He wrote a song and played it for me.  His pressure is what really got me into yoga (also drinking BANGS. -sighs-) And then we drifted apart again. It was fine. It was normal. He was in a new IRL relationship and she was amazing! He was giving her his all and still in the military with plans to move to live closer to his son.  We got into a fight over WoW things, not even between us but regarding that same savagery about other people. Again.  There was a silly expectation in the back of my mind that things would be as they were for the past 12 years. It wasn’t. Dec 6th 2021 he committed suicide. I don’t have details and I don’t want them.  I went to message him today, just like we always do when too much time has passed and got blasted with all the heartache from the people who adored him.  E-Tan, I will miss you. I will miss you forever. I missed you when I messaged you and it was too late and I didn’t know it.  Mend your fences, folks. Talk to people that fade way and check on them if you will care at all if they die. Mend your fucking fences. 

#heart is broken