#[ looks like nicolette learned one-too-many lessons from kyojuro ]

[violetueur-archive]

ABILITIES  &  SUPER-POWERED  PROMPTS » ACCEPTING

@fallesto​​ asked:  ❝  you have to slow down and take care of yourself too.  if you run yourself into the ground then you’re not gonna be helping anyone.  ❞

Perhaps it would be fair to say that that Nicolette had been overworking herself, just a tad, as of late. On top of all the missions assigned to her without much break in between, she’d been trying her best to continue training under Shinjuro whenever both were lucky enough to be at the manor together, even if just for a day, and when they weren’t, she would take it upon herself to assist in training those boys Kyojuro had become so fond of. It was true that she had learned a lot from the eldest Rengoku during her convalescence, but it’d be foolish to believe that he’d taught her everything he could, even in that lengthy timespan. Even if it was going over something he’d already shown her, one could never question the importance of a repeat lesson. Sometimes it was required, to grasp the knowledge fully, and other times it simply helped to have a refresher from someone so much wiser than her. She could never stop bettering herself. Not because of some heroic complex or some innate thirst for power, but because of one simple truth: to stop getting stronger— to cease progressing in anyway— would be the same as welcoming death.

The demons were growing smarter with every passing day, and if the hashira had any hope of surviving the ongoing war and returning home after each grueling mission, she could not allow herself to become complacent. She’d made a promise, not just to each Rengoku, but to herself. She would live, even if she had to break herself down to do it. She’d confidently informed Shinjuro of that back when he’d told her she was fated to die, assured Senjuro of it every time she had to hug him goodbye before a mission, and she’d sworn it to Kyojuro the moment she’d been cleared to return to work. She would live, and she would retire happily with him, without a shadow of doubt.

Still... she was only human. It was no surprise that all her running would catch up to her time to time. Her body was tired, but her mind struggled to calm down. It never could, these days. The weight... it was a lot to shoulder. It was hard. Things were becoming more hectic, and she couldn’t help but feel anxious and on edge almost all the time. It was easier when she could distract herself, but apparently Shinjuro wasn’t satisfied acting as the distraction, right now. Maybe she deserved it, as she’d had her sword knocked from her hands and gotten thrown on her ass with a move that she’d countered a hundred times before. She was faltering, exhausted both physically and mentally, and it was clear as day to him. She was an idiot, for thinking it wouldn’t.

If anyone understood what she was feeling... it was him, wasn’t it? 

❝ You’re the last person I expected... to tell me to RELAX. Jesus, do I really look that terrible? ❞ It was an attempt at a joke, as she still hadn’t quite grown away from the instinct of using humor to cope, but the expression on his face told her that he especially wasn’t in the mood to indulge her. Damn... she really did look that bad, then. Nicolette could only sigh, not even bothering to stand up as she sat crisscrossed in the dirt, hands wringing pathetically in her lap and shoulders sagged. She could not meet his intense, burning gaze. Goddammit, he was so much worse than Kyojuro sometimes, with how much he could see through her bullshit, and he was never as gentle about calling her out on it, either. ❝ Sorry... I’m not trying to waste your time, I just— ❞ Eyes closed, squeezing shut tightly, as scarred hands raised to cover her face, fingernails pressing painfully into her forehead as a grounding method. Deep breath. In and out. There was a strangled laugh, and she forced herself to continue, ❝ I mean, what am I supposed to say? It’s hard? I’m scared? I don’t have the luxury of whining about shit like that... I’m not the only one suffering, and I’m sure you’re the last person that wants to hear it. ❞

Father-figure or not, Shinjuro was not her parent... he had never been tender or doting with her, and he had no reason to be. She was a grown woman, and one that shared the same responsibility as him and every other slayer in the corps. Acting like this was just pathetic, even if she desperately wanted to let it out. She could not confide in this to him. She could not confide in Senjuro either, as he was much too young, to be shouldering her adult problems. The only one was Kyojuro, and how could she ever... put this on him? How could she tell him how afraid she was of dying and leaving him behind, when she would have to turn around and leave him the next day? How cruel would it be, to aggravate fears he most certainly already had, when he could no longer stand beside her to ensure the worst case scenario never happened? She was afraid. Afraid of dying, afraid of hurting him by being afraid, and even worse... hurting him by being too afraid to be honest. ❝ Can we please just get back to training? There’s no point... in talking about this. I’m not in the mood to be mocked, either. ❞

#fallesto #[ HAHA... OUCHIE!! ] #[ looks like nicolette learned one-too-many lessons from kyojuro ] #↳ ASKS ❛ since you’re lookin i’ll put on a fuckin show ❜ #↳ VERSE ; KNY: SLAYER || ❛ every time i break theres just more pain to burn ❜