#[[ angry broke boy cries about his laptop more at eight

[rulesofthebeneath]

how bout a dance: part 6

<AN> Hey guys! Love you all. Credit: @euphonyinestetica. Tagging: @pixelburied, @witchiegirl, @lilmissperfectlyimperfect, @itsbrindleybinch, @ajaysbhandari, @aidenzhous, @catlady0911, @ravenclawpokegirl25. Let me know: is this Monday/Thursday/Saturday update schedule working for y’all, or should I slow it down? </AN>

He was probably biased, but Ajay liked Saturday rehearsals the best. Not only did the actors get to truly work with the technicians for the first time, but he loved a day that was just all about theatre. No loud coffee machines, no being on his feet for six hours, just all of his energy going into raw creativity, into building stories and worlds and relationships. This was why he loved what he did.

He had barely set foot in the lobby of the theatre Saturday morning before two teenagers came rushing in, slightly out of breath.

“Hi, are you Ajay? We’re here for rehearsal,” panted the boy. Ajay raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, that’s me. You must be Jackson and Kaylie. Nice to meet you both. Why were you running?”

“Because we were late,” answered the girl. “You told us to be here at nine, and it’s…” she glanced at her watch, “five ‘til.”

“Oh! Oh, don’t worry about it. I just got here, too. Let’s go introduce you guys to the cast, okay?”

The teens nodded cheerfully and followed him through the doors to the theatre. Even just as a first impression, Ajay knew he liked these kids. Anyone who was that conscious of punctuality automatically earned his respect.

He himself was only late because his roommate had had the courtesy to keep him up all night being, well, rowdy with someone he had taken home from the club he frequented. He was fine with Jake doing whatever he wanted, but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t disgruntled from running on two hours of sleep. Usually when he was sleep deprived, it was at least because he was working or doing something else productive. It had taken him way too long that morning to perform basic motor functions like tying his shoes or making coffee.

He stifled a yawn behind his hand and tapped his other hand on the stage, grabbing the cast’s attention. Grace shot him a smile in greeting, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes–maybe she was just tired. He made a mental note to check up on her later. He turned back to guide the kids up to the stage.

“So, everyone, as you probably assumed, this is Kaylie, our Young Bonnie, and Jackson, our Young Clyde. I want them to hopefully get to know everyone while they’re here on Saturdays and during tech and dress.”

Grace and Kevin were the first to introduce themselves, but overall the teens seemed to be a good fit in the cast. They were clearly experienced in the theatre business, settling in quietly to await his instruction. He went over his plan for the day in his head, then started telling everyone where to go.

“Alright guys, so this is what we’re going to do for at least the next two hours. Grace, Kevin, Kaylie, and Jackson: I want you all down in the studio learning your choreography for ‘Picture Show.’ The choreographer is also going to show you the blocking I worked out, and we’ll tweak that a little later. Everyone else, I want you to go through some vocal and physical warm ups, and then in ten minutes we’ll start working on Scene Three, in Blanche’s beauty parlor. Any questions?”

Silence.

“Great. Go for it!” He watched as the cast broke off into groups, then turned to where Emily sat at the desk they shared for rehearsals. He flipped through his script to get to Scene Three, then settled down at the desk.

“Anything interesting from the tech crews?”

“Not really. Lighting’s gonna be a pain, though, with all these scene changes.”

“Oh, I know. I’m actually planning to come here during the day next week to talk to the lighting head about their ideas.”

“Good idea.”

They sat there for a few more minutes, not speaking, until Rosa, Elijah, and three ensemble members came out onto stage. Ajay got up with his notebook and cleared his throat.

“Alright! So at the top of Scene Three, like we blocked, we’ll have the ensemble members sitting in those three chairs I’ve put upstage right, in that diagonal line. Rosa, Elijah: Buck and Blanche will be arguing downstage left. Blanche is on the offensive, Buck is on the defensive. Let me see that quickly.”

The actors all moved to their positions, and Ajay smiled. This show was really coming together. No, they didn’t have more than folding chairs for the salon seats or a fold-out table for the front desk, and no, Blanche wasn’t wearing a 30s style dress and Buck actually looked put-together in Elijah’s white button-down and beige chinos, but he could still see it all. He could see how it would look under the stage lights, he could see Rosa in the exact dress she’d wear for the show, he could see the way the background would move to reveal the line of salon chairs.

He clapped his hands together. “Start from the top, whenever you’re ready.”

Rosa shook out her legs and glanced at her script, trying to commit the first few lines to memory. Elijah smoothed his shirt down, having already somehow memorized the scene. Ajay was impressed, and made a mental note to tell Elijah that later.

Rosa looked up from the script and she was transformed into the angry southern belle.

“Are you crazy? Bustin’ out of jail?” Blanche cried, barely reigning in her anger.

“Now, baby-” Buck held up his hands and backed away, defensive.

“Don’t you now baby me. How in God’s name did you let Clyde talk you into fugitivin’?”

“It was my idea,” he admitted, cowering even more.

“Yours?”

“Yeah.”

Blanche swelled up with anger, letting all of it pour out into a righteous fury in her next line.

From the house, Ajay couldn’t hold back a smile. This was even better than he’d thought. He’d had his doubts that the mild-mannered Rosa could carry Blanche’s rage, but he saw now that he’d underestimated her. She was powerful; even though she was shorter than Elijah, Blanche still seemed to tower over Buck. Ajay couldn’t give the previous director enough credit for this casting.

The scene moved forward. Ajay had to overcome a few technical troubles with the speakers connected to his laptop that played the soundtrack, but otherwise things went off without a hitch. He tweaked stances in one place and reanalyzed tactics in another, working slowly but surely through the scene and the song. He was really amazed by all the work his actors had done to prepare themselves for rehearsal, and resolved to tell them all that. Gone, he decided, were the days of Hardass Ajay. No, he’d make sure his actors got every bit of the credit they deserved. It’s what bothered him the most when he was an actor, and it was his biggest regret as a director.

Nearly an hour and a half later, the scene had been worked to Ajay’s satisfaction. They had done all the work they could do without the actors being off-book, and they weren’t required to be off-book until blocking was completely over. He ran a hand through his hair and grinned at the actors.

“That was great work, guys. Elijah, I’m really impressed by you being off-book already. Rosa, your power is really bringing Blanche to life. And I love the reactions of the girls in the salon, you’re funny without being over the top. Keep up the great work!”

Rosa and Elijah high-fived and made their way offstage, just as Grace walked on.

“Wow, Ajay, was that a compliment I just heard?” she teased.

“Maybe one day you’ll get one too, if you’re lucky.”

The corners of her mouth curled up into a real, genuine smile.

“That really is my one goal in life,” she teased.

They locked eyes and both stood still for a moment. At that instant Ajay felt a little bit on fire, a little bit drawn in, and a little bit like he had felt every day almost eight years ago. He sensed a raw, golden connection between them, thin as a string–but then Kevin appeared onstage with Kaylie and Jackson in tow, and the string snapped. Ajay couldn’t do anything but shrug it off and get back to work, but his eyes involuntarily followed the movement of Grace’s hair flowing over her shoulders as she turned to talk to Kaylie about something.

He blinked and shook his head, throwing off the weird sensation. He concluded that he must be feeling faint from his lack of breakfast.

“Okay, top of the show. The lights will come up and Bonnie and Clyde are sitting in their car—those two chairs—and being dead.”

Grace snorted, and Ajay felt his heart lift a little bit. He tried to ignore it.

“The intro music will play for a while, and then Kaylie, you’ll hear the start of ‘Picture Show’ and I want you to come out from behind that—there’ll be a kind of moving wall thing there—and walk in front of the car. Don’t look at the car, just look straight out at the audience, like you’re dreaming about life or your bright future or something. Jackson, just wait offstage.”

Everyone assumed their positions, Grace and Kevin taking their place in the chairs upstage. She leaned her head on his shoulder. Ajay felt a sickening sensation run up from his stomach through to his chest. Damn hunger, he thought.

Ajay started the music, eager to see how to choreography looked with the blocking.

Kaylie had an astonishingly powerful voice for a fifteen-year-old (he looked back, cringing internally at his own squeaky teenage voice). She demonstrated within the first ten seconds of the song how fit she was for the role. She perfectly embodied Bonnie’s sassiness, but didn’t hesitate to bring a full emotional range to the character, especially during the short funeral for Bonnie’s dad.

Once Jackson leaped onstage at the start of his cue (wow, these kids are really professional thought Ajay) he knew that was when Bonnie & Clyde would leave the car, now behind a partition, to change out of their death costumes. He hit a button on his laptop to stop the music.

“Grace, Kevin, get up and go backstage now. Once Jackson comes on, you’ll wait about four seconds for the partition that we’ll have to close, then you can get offstage undetected by going off stage right. You’ll have to do a quick change out of the death costumes, but I’ll make sure you have some dressers on hand to help you do that. Then Grace, walk around to stage left and you’ll make your entrance center stage left at your cue. You’ll start singing when you enter, then start miming some idle diner activities, like wiping down the counter or pouring coffee.”

Grace nodded and disappeared.

“Kevin, on your cue you and Elijah will enter downstage right, both handcuffed, escorted by Andrew…” he trailed off, looking around until he spotted Andrew getting up from his seat in the house.

“Sorry, I forgot to call you to this scene. Go to where Kevin and Elijah are, and guide them both onstage with your hands on their shoulders.”

Andrew nodded and also faded backstage.

“Everyone ready to start again?”

Everyone made an affirmative noise, both onstage and from backstage. Ajay backed the music up a few seconds, and restarted it. After a few of those small cutscenes, during which Ajay made notes of things to fix later, Kaylie went back into the song’s chorus.

“I wanna be her, I wanna be her, dressed in style like Clara,” Kaylie sang. Grace entered, miming scribbling on a notepad.

“I can see me, can you see me?” they sang together, Grace holding the note for a little longer while Kaylie exited upstage. Grace arrived at where the counter would be and put down her mimed notepad, picking up an invisible rag and wiping at the air.

“The main attraction at the picture show, like Clara Bow, like Clara Bow, the main attraction at the picture show.” Grace sang.

Ajay felt his eyes widen as she sang. The only thing that ran through his head at that moment—, rather than the usual litany of critiques and comments—was one word: goddamn.

Grace’s voice was so much the same as it had been in in high school, but also incredibly different. She kept the sweet mezzo that she’d always had, but under the surface was a newfound strength that transformed the whole thing into something resonant, into something powerful but still gentle, into something completely unlike he’d ever heard before.

Into something breathtakingly beautiful.

And he didn’t quite know what to do with that, same as he didn’t really know where this new twisting sensation around his heart was coming from. It felt like he was being squeezed and could barely breathe, like something deep in his chest was burning him from the inside out. With great reluctance, he noted that she had quite literally taken his breath away.

It dawned on him that this was the feeling from almost eight years ago. This was the same squeezing and burning he’d felt as a junior in high school, watching a talented but unrefined freshman get up on the stage to audition for the school play. It was a long-dormant feeling, one that had been asleep for years and that he hadn’t even thought about until… now.

He’d found himself falling again.

Shit.

He tried to stop his heart from racing when he looked up at the stage and saw her up there with the stage lights bathing her in a golden glow, but it only beat faster and faster. He took a deep breath and, with more force than he’d ever done anything, pushed the feelings down. He knew he couldn’t contain them forever, but he couldn’t have it showing on his face during rehearsal. She knew him well enough to know exactly what was going on. And here where professionalism actually did matter, unlike in high school, he couldn’t have her finding out.

He tried to take a step back from his own mind, focusing purely on how her sound blended with Kevin’s as they worked the scene. Objectively, he decided that the blend was good but could be better, and he’d send them down to the musical director to work on it after they finished working the scenes with Kaylie and Jackson.

Subjectively, though, he thought the sound of her voice was possibly the best sound he’d ever heard in his life.

From the stage, Kevin cleared his throat. Ajay blinked twice, then managed to pull his focus back to the present. They’d finished the scene.

“Uh, alright! Great!” he said, his voice cracking to betray how flustered he was. He quickly snuck a glance at Grace to see if she’d noticed, but she seemed… elsewhere. Absent.

“That was really good, but I do have a few notes. Grace, come in sooner, before you even start singing. Jackson, try and have a bit more energy. Other than that, everyone did a great job for the first work-through!”

Ajay somehow managed to keep himself afloat for the rest of the long rehearsal. At the end of the day, Grace caught him off-guard again with a warm smile—this one actually reaching her eyes.

He wanted so badly to reach out, to ask her what was wrong, to see if he could do anything to help, but he thought it would be inappropriate. So instead, he gave her a big smile back. And for now, that was enough.

Back at his apartment after rehearsal, Jake was sitting on the couch. He turned his head when Ajay opened the door, and raised his eyebrows upon seeing his roommate looking rather disconcerted.

“Good day at work?” Jake asked.

“I, uh.” Ajay mumbled, hanging his coat and scarf on a hook near the door and sitting down on the couch next to Jake. “I may have a slight problem.”

“Hm?”

“You remember how my ex-girlfriend is in the show, right?”

“Yeah… did something happen? Is she hard to work with?”

“No, no, not at all,” Ajay said, burying his face into his hands. “I… I think I might have feelings for her. Again.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence, and then:

“Do you think she might still be interested in you?” Jake asked quietly.

“It’s possible, but I wouldn’t bet on it. There were times today and in rehearsals this week when I thought we had a connection, but I could’ve been reading that all wrong.”

Jake hummed.

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Maybe… once the show’s over. But definitely not while it’s still running. That wouldn’t be professional.”

“Good call. Hey, I hope everything works out for you.”

“I just… you know this is the first time I’ve had any kind of romantic feelings for someone since Isabella. I guess I’m just not sure if I can trust myself yet.”

“It’s been four months, Ajay. I get being hesitant, especially since this girl’s your ex, and extra especially since what happened with Isabella, but you have to remember that you have time. If you don’t want to tell her how you feel until after the show, that gives you literally ten weeks to figure out if these feelings are legitimate or not. And if they could be returned.”

“I know, I know. I just,” he swallowed, “don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“Sometimes that’s what you have to do.”

Ajay sighed again, and Jake clapped his shoulder, then turned back to the TV. Ajay headed towards his room to take a shower, and tried to think of ideas for dinner.

He tried desperately to push his feelings down, but even though he told himself the feelings weren’t real, he couldn’t keep his mind off her all night.

#how bout a dance #hbad part 6 #ajay x mc #ajay bhandari #hssca fanfic #long fic #long post #my fanfic #hbad

[theoddcatlady]

Bridget’s Diary

TW: Mentions of Sexual Assault

9/12/15

I’m going to go to a party tomorrow.

I can’t believe I’m doing this! I know parties are places of temptation, but my friends are all going and I just can’t help myself. They’re all purity club members, we’ll keep each other on the straight and narrow. I’m so excited, and at the same time I want to throw up because I’m so nervous. My parents obviously don’t know I’m going, I told them I’m staying at my friend Holly’s tomorrow night. I will be, kinda, just… after the party.

I will seriously throw up. This is so exciting. I just have to remember that I’m a fine china tea cup, not Styrofoam and disposable. I’m not easy, and I will remain pure until Jesus chooses my soulmate. ♥

For now though… I have to figure out what I’m going to wear!

9/13/15

I think I was raped last night.

I didn’t drink any alcohol, I didn’t dance with any boys, I was just there to hang out with my friends and keep them reliable. I was drinking a Sprite. It had a funny aftertaste but I didn’t think of it until I woke up a few hours later. The party was over, my friends were gone, and my skirt was on backwards and my tights had snags.

I’d been redressed in my sleep, and I’m really sore, like I’ve been thrown across the room.

I’m such a hypocrite. You don’t put yourself in those situations. That is willingly straying from God’s Will and protection.

I’m going to church today and praying for forgiveness… and hopefully I’ll forget anything ever happened.

10/21/15

I can’t believe the NERVE of some people!

The nurse had the gall to insinuate I was pregnant. PREGNANT. You can’t get pregnant by doing it once, even if I have done it at all! I’m not even sure if I was raped!

I’m honestly so mad right now. I told my mom to complain to the school, this is so awful. Tomorrow I’m excused from school to go to the doctor.

I had a panic attack, get this, a panic attack! In the restroom! After I left the stupid nurse’s office. I’m so angry. I couldn’t breathe, I just kept thinking about that stupid party, and I’m even madder at that stupid nurse!

I’m going to bed, I’m tired from all the freak outs I had today. I don’t care that I have homework or that it’s only eight PM. Today was rough.

10/22/15

My life is over.

I’m pregnant. I tried to get an abortion today, but apparently there’s a twenty four hour wait. And by the time I got home, the doctor already let my mother know. She was furious. I’m hiding in my room because I don’t want to see the look on my daddy’s face when he first finds out.

Laptop? Taken. Cellphone? Taken. I’m not allowed to leave the house. I can’t have friends over. I can’t go see them.

And the only computer time I’m allowed to have is with my mom over my shoulder as I message every person I can find on Facebook that was at that party. I cried so much I threw up. I tried to tell her that I didn’t remember, and she slapped me and called me a liar and a whore.

I only managed to message two of the guys, the ones who owned the house. They haven’t gotten back to me yet.

I want to die.

10/31/15

I’ve managed to find everyone I could at the party. No one remembers seeing me with anyone. And most of the guys never even got back to me.

Right now I’m watching moms on the streets, taking their kids trick or treating. I never got to do that as a kid. It’s a Devil’s Holiday… least that’s what my parents would say.

But those kids are having so much fun. I hear them laughing and talking and I feel so jealous, but at the same time, I wonder if I’ll be that mom. Out with her kid on Halloween, helping make my daughter into a princess or a cowgirl or a witch or really anything she’d want to be. I actually want that.

I don’t think I’ve spoken to my mom more than a sentence or so a day since I’ve been locked up in my room.  I don’t want that to happen between me and my baby.

I promise, baby girl. We’ll get out of here someday. I don’t know why I believe so strongly that you’re a girl. But you are. I know it. And we’re going to leave my parents the moment we can, and it’ll just be me and you. I love you so much. I do.

And no one is going to make me feel ashamed of you. Not anymore.

11/9/15

I found the father.

I’m partially relieved but at the same time I’m… afraid. I don’t want to meet him. I want him to stay away from me and my daughter. But I don’t really have a choice in the matter. He reached out directly to my parents, told them that he had been out of the country and hadn’t been checking his Facebook. He’s going to come over tomorrow night to have dinner with us.

I’m tempted to fake being sick, the Lord knows I’ve been in bed with morning sickness half the day. But my mom’s going to kill me if I don’t cooperate. She still thinks I can get married to this man.

I can’t even remember his name. He raped me. I don’t want anything to do with him.

11/10/15

That is not the father of my child.

I don’t know who he is but I do not remember him at the party. My mother forced me to get ‘pretty’ and to wear my nicest dress. I might be a ‘harlot’ (her words not mine), but I have to impress my future husband. I tried to tell her he’ll definitely not want to marry me but she pinched my arm so hard it’s bruised.

He arrived at six PM on the dot, and when he walked in I knew there was no way he was the father.

‘Malak’ is absolutely no younger than thirty five and wouldn’t be the type to be caught dead at a college party. He speaks with the class of someone who’s spent his entire life in high society, and he charmed my mother so fast she almost rolled out the red carpet. My father was a bit more hesitant, given his age, but Malak’s silver tongue had them chatting and laughing away.

I just stayed quiet the whole night, not that I had much room to speak. Malak dominated the conversation just by existing.

When finally dinner was over, he turned his attention to me, and I shivered under his gaze.

“So, Bridget. It may not be the best of situations, but would you like to come live with me during the rest of your pregnancy? I can make sure you’re always taken care of, I have personal doctors and I’d like to keep an eye on my future daughter… or son. What do you think?”

My mother practically leaped to agree for me. I just nodded and faked a smile before I ran up here.

I don’t want to live with Malak. I’d rather be locked up in this prison of a house than go live with him. He scares me.

I hear someone coming up the stairs.

…

It was Malak. He came into my room and oh my god, I’m so scared I think I’m going to cry.

He told me he didn’t rape me at the party. That no one did, but I did come very close. My tights were down by the time he came into the bedroom. The suicide that happened down the street, at the bridge? That was the boy who was going to rape me. According to Malak anyway.

‘I like irony, and it’d be the sweetest thing, having a virgin bear my child.’

I don’t know what he was talking about. He said I was to have my things packed by tomorrow, he’d be picking me up then and it was all arranged.

When he left the room, he stopped to look at the cross on my wall. It fell from the wall and broke, no, it shattered into a million splinters. Then he kept on walking.

It’s ruined. I’ve had that cross since I was a baby. It was made of a sturdy wood, even if it was old, it shouldn’t have broken like that.  I think I’m going crazy.

But he also knows I’m going to have a girl.

11/17/15

I’ve lived in Malak’s mansion for a week.

My room is enormous. My closet is so deep I can walk several steps inside. It’s full of dresses, made for different stages of maternity. Just one of these dresses would be worth more than the amount of clothes I buy in a single year. They’re so lovely too, each one personally made for me.

We’re going to the courthouse to get married tonight. My mom was upset that it wouldn’t be in a church, but I wondered if Malak would burst into flame if he even stepped foot on church grounds.

Any religious things I’ve brought into the house have either gone missing or broken. I think I saw the cover of my childhood Bible in the remains of the ashes of the fireplace, but I can’t be sure.

I can’t say I’ve been treated badly though. In fact, it’s the opposite. I’m waited upon like a queen. If I so much as open my mouth immediately there is someone there, eager to give me whatever I ask for. Lately I’ve really liked eating cookies and cream ice cream with sliced sweet and dill pickles. I asked them and within a half hour I had a tray with the bowl of ice cream and both kinds of pickles. It was delicious.

But at the same time, I’m still scared. I’m treated like royalty, and I don’t know why. All I am is the mother to Malak’s daughter. And the way they look at Malak… it’s with reverence and terror.

The servants don’t call him Malak though. They call him Master.

12/8/15

Something happened to the other girls at my school.

I was reading a baby name book while the TV was on in the background. Then Malak burst into the room, saw I was there, and told me that I had to remain indoors. I asked what was wrong and he wouldn’t say, he just told me again that I had to remain inside and not tell anyone where I was.

I turned on the news after he left and found out. There’s a huge thing going down at school today. The story is that some form of contaminant got into some school lunch and all students infected would have to be quarantined.

The camera panning over students being taken away though revealed a different story.

They were all pregnant.

12/25/15

Christmas is here. There’s no nativity, no going to church tonight. But there is a log burning in the fire and there’s the most beautiful Christmas tree.

I’ve accepted why I’m here. I’m having a special baby. Malak is special. And he picked me because he wanted to keep my baby safe.

We’re snuggling by the fire right now. Malak gifted me so many cute baby dresses. The best present though was going into the nursery.

It’s perfect. So soft and pink. I love pink. Malak looked so pleased when I hugged him. I nearly cried. That might be because of hormones though. I’m showing now too. I love my little baby belly. And Malak… I think he truly loves me.

He’s snickering. I think he read over my shoulder. You jerk.

1/18/16

I cried blood today.

I don’t really know why I started crying in the first place, I think I dropped something and it broke. But I started crying, and then I smelled it. At first I thought it was a nosebleed, given the familiar bitter scent. I used to get them all the time as a kid and I’m starting to get them more again.

But a servant ran in and cried out for her Master in shock.

Thick blood was dripping from my eyes.

Malak cleaned me up and snuggled with me in the study while I asked him what was going on, and if our baby was okay. He reassured me that my body was trying to adapt to the wonderful life inside of me, a life more than anything nature predicted. The baby will be fine. But I must be careful.

I must not get hurt. The wound might not be able to heal. The blood constantly expelling from my body would keep breaking it open. There will be more blood. From my eyes, my nose, and my ears. Don’t panic. I’m perfectly okay.

At night I will sleep with Malak, and he will protect me from any of the night terrors that will come for me.

I will feel cold. This will be normal. I will have any blankets or robes brought to me and the heat will be turned up.

And if I think anyone, even my most trusted servants, bear any ill will to me or my baby, I must tell Malak. He will get rid of them.

1/26/16

I’m watching Malak sleep right now.

It’s like watching the dead. I’m not even sure if he breathes. But he’s warm. Always so warm. I like having him around because of that, and the sharing the bed isn’t as bad as I thought it was. I stayed awake for a long time that first night. It’s not like sharing a bed with mom and dad.

But he’s good at keeping the night terrors away. Sometimes I see them, in my dreams I see darkness in the corners. But I face forward, into his eyes. And he tells me to just look at him, and I will be safe and free.

Oops. He’s not asleep. He just cracked an eye open and told me to put down the book. I need plenty of rest for the baby after all. I’ll go to sleep. I just wanted to write for a bit to settle.

2/14/16

Valentine’s Day! We didn’t go out. I haven’t left the premises in case of anyone recognizing me and trying to take me away. Thankfully no one’s come looking for me yet. I don’t want to leave Malak.

Our date though. It was just relaxing next to the fireplace while eating my favorite ice cream. Malak showed me some tricks with the fire. I’m not sure how he does it, but I’ve learned that I shouldn’t question these things. He made the fire dance and jump about, curl out and even create figures. Just with a twitch of his hand.

It’s power. It’s pure power. But it’s also so beautiful.

4/15/16

I haven’t written for so long. I suppose it’s just been busy.

None of the names I’ve picked out sound good for the baby either. Malak reassures me. Tells me I’ll know when I see her.

I guess there’s just nothing to say lately. I just can’t wait for my baby girl.

5/24/16

Malak had to leave me last night, and I understand why he told me he wanted to stay with me to protect me from the night terrors.

Diary, they were horrible! Screeching banshees and wailing women and dying men… I can’t put into words what it all was. I just remember Malak shaking me awake and calling my name, pulling me from this pit of hell back into the waking world.

I’d screamed so harshly I can’t talk anymore diary. It hurts. The servants have given me honey and other soothers, but I still can’t talk. Malak told me my voice will come back soon enough, but for now it just hurts so badly.

I’m afraid to sleep. Knowing that awaits me. But I just need to make sure I only fall asleep with him, in his bed. He is the only one who can protect me.

I wish the other mothers were with me though. I feel so bad knowing that they don’t have Malak to protect them. I hope they can come here soon. We could raise our babies together. A real family.

We can all trick or treat together.

5/30/16

The baby will be here soon. I’m so huge. I feel like a whale.

Malak kisses my belly and tells me that I’m the prettiest whale he’s ever seen. I laugh and call him a jerk. I feel so safe around him though. Even with the other mothers that will one day join us, I am special. I know I am.

6/6/16

I’m a mother.

6/21/16

Wow, I can’t even remember making that last entry. I was really that tired.

But yeah! I’m a mom! I’m a real mom! My baby has her father’s eyes and her hair’s already looking super dark like his too. Just like her daddy. It was over twelve hours of labor, and I was really worried at first since she came out looking like she was bitten by something. But she’s fine! The marks have faded a bit, they’re just adorable baby birthmarks now.

And Lucifer was right. I knew her name the moment she came out of me.

Jezebel.

6/24/16

The other girls came tonight.

I was sitting with Jezebel and her daddy. Lucifer was petting my hair, I keep forgetting and calling him Malak but he’s never cross about it. I didn’t hear a thing but suddenly my husband looked up before he started to smile.

“They’re here.”

They had come through the gate.

They were covered in ashes and dirt, some were bruised and injured, and some of them had to carry in their arms babies that weren’t theirs.

Some of the mothers hadn’t made it out when they set their prison ablaze.

Alice was in front, I think that’s her name. We weren’t ever friends, I was mistaken in assuming she was just a slut at the time. Her arms were clutching onto a baby that wasn’t hers. I knew. She looked at my husband and said, “Absalom’s safe. I sent him away before the fight.”

Lucifer looked so thankful.

We’re still trying to make room, but I’m having Jezebel share a room with Sapphira. That’s Rosie’s baby. We’re making this work of course. It’ll be rough, if I’m honest. So many girls. And I feel so sad that some didn’t make it. Raquel. Catherine. And of course, the first one whose abortion ended her life so early, Lori. We all miss her. We’re already planning on setting up a small shrine to her. Just a way to honor her.

We are all his wives now.

10/11/16

Jezebel has gotten so big! There’s no time to write in my diary, so I suppose I’ll simply have to put this aside until Jezebel’s older. Then I’ll show her some of the entries. Telling her how happy I am to have such a beautiful girl.

All of us are getting ready for Halloween. No going out yet, they’re too little, but we’re gonna make them little costumes and play around and take all the pictures so we can embarrass them when they get older. I was at the store today picking up some things and I made time to grab supplies for an angel costume. I’m so sure Lucifer’s caught on to what I’m doing but he finds it funny.

Oh, speaking about that- while I was at the store today, I saw the school nurse.

It was only for a second, and at first I didn’t recognize her. I don’t think she realized I saw her at all. But Lucifer saw her too and I recognized that smile on his face.

I hope Jezebel won’t mind having another little brother.

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