#“it rounds out ur figure” here's something my guy! maybe people shouldn't have to look uniform and sleek !!!

[inkskinned]

what is considered "beautiful" by society is inevitably sexist, racist, ableist, classist, transphobic, and bigoted. it targets and attacks any perceived difference, and it particularly villainizes women of color while co-opting aesthetics; as if features and cultural norms can be worn as accessories.

and the scary thing! you can see all of these things, know them to be true logically, and also know that you are treated better if you are perceived as beautiful. if you have ever been treated as "ugly", you know exactly how much society reviles you if you don't manage to scamper along and perform to their rules.

and how are you supposed to balance that? do you want a nose job to fix your broken nose, or have you just recently been seeing videos about how many people look better after nose jobs. do you want to lose weight to feel good, or is it that when you lose weight people treat you better. do you want to wear this outfit, or is it just the thing that's least likely to get you harassed. do you want to get lip injections for your reasons or is your whole reason that you don't feel beautiful unless you get those lip injections?

and the definitions shift. the goals get more specific. in the way that you only become aware of your tongue when someone mentions it; parts of your body are introduced as problems. i had never heard the term "hip dip" until about a year ago - and it was in the context of how to get rid of this. i'm 30, i know this shit is invented, and yet! i still find that strange voice saying but do you think someone is going to notice?

how the fuck am i supposed to say "this is my genuine choice i am making for my body" when i also know that years of my life have been spent socializing me to accept this as my inevitable fate? how do i know i'm actually doing this out of love for my body - or am i doing it for how i want others to see me, which will be lovely enough to feel loved? how am i supposed to recover when my unhealthy habits are seen as self-discipline but if i relax i'm openly mocked for "letting time win"? how the fuck am i supposed to say "i'm doing it for me" when i'm also very aware that i'm doing it to stop myself from being teased or demeaned? is it my choice if the other option is being bullied?

we are living in a hostage negotiation - either consent to the demands or spend the rest of your life being treated like you're a despicable person.

#i also have things to say about how gender plays into this #but it became like 1450 pages #so i saved the rest in a draft #btw? hip dips used to be like valued in the 90s & 2000s during the ultra thin craze #which is so fucking wild to me bc i am old enough to REMEMBER that people WANTED them #bc they're literally the shape of your bones. they're your hipbones showing. & you literally CANNOT 'target' that area #that would be like targeting your elbow. it's a fucking JOINT. #it is a place where you either do or do not carry mass. the lower ur bodyfat percent and the higher ur thigh & glute strength #the less that you will carry weight there #which is even MORE fucking cruel bc !!! the type of people who are already trying to improve themselves helplessly #are going to be aware of their body! and ur literally GIVING them an insecurity they LITERALLY do not decide!!!! #“it rounds out ur figure” here's something my guy! maybe people shouldn't have to look uniform and sleek !!! #maybe you just want to fuck a manatee !!! #if we're really at the point that you have to apologize for LITERALLY HAVING BONES..... #like sorry my legs had to connect somewhere in my form :( i will hide that from u. my apologies ur honor #(fashion bloggers gagging bc there's evidence other people have skeletons)