#║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲r̲i̲v̲a̲t̲e̲ ̲/̲ ̲s̲p̲i̲r̲i̲t̲p̲y̲r̲o̲. ⧽ ― I MIGHT HAVE KILLED A PART OF MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO... BUT I’LL BE FINE.

[unladielike]

manga panel featuring two dysfunctional main leads.

( here’s a very self indulgent picrew edit of vivian and @spiritpyro’s hayate that takes place in our private verse where vivian becomes his neighbour, but has seemingly forgotten all about their shared history. now that i think about it, though... i do feel that in the event these two ever had their own manga, it wouldn’t be your stereotypical romantic comedy, but a seinen like goodnight punpun, where bad things keep happening to the main leads and they just constantly suffer, except vivian and hayate are just such dumb self-sabotaging idiots, to the point where the readers wanna strangle them. )

#spiritpyro #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲r̲i̲v̲a̲t̲e̲ ̲/̲ ̲s̲p̲i̲r̲i̲t̲p̲y̲r̲o̲. ⧽ ― I MIGHT HAVE KILLED A PART OF MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO... BUT I’LL BE FINE. #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳l̲o̲o̲k̲s̲. ⧽ ― GOD SHOULD HAVE MADE ME A WHITE HAIRED ANIME GIRL BUT I WAS ROBBED. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( HAYATE / i don’t know why but i sometimes get sad when i look at you. it’s like we’re connected somehow... ) ⤹ •• 𝕥𝕒𝕘. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( QUEUED ) ⤹ •• 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕣𝕪. #[ let it be known i still hate hayate's hair... ] #[ like TO THIS DAY i honestly think vivian has terrible taste for even falling in love with him ] #[ because he's just so ugly?? ] #[ seriously the fact rokuro even lets him walk around LOOKING the way he does is just inconceivable to me ] #[ anyways not pictured here is the butterfly plush hayate once gave her a long time ago and vivian is also holding ] #[ to further drive it home hayate had dun goofed ]

[unladielike]

( line conversation between vivian and @spiritpyro’s hayate... except i might have made him a tad bit ooc. )

#spiritpyro #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲r̲i̲v̲a̲t̲e̲ ̲/̲ ̲s̲p̲i̲r̲i̲t̲p̲y̲r̲o̲. ⧽ ― I MIGHT HAVE KILLED A PART OF MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO... BUT I’LL BE FINE. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( HAYATE / i don’t know why but i sometimes get sad when i look at you. it’s like we’re connected somehow... ) ⤹ •• 𝕥𝕒𝕘. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( QUEUED ) ⤹ •• 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕣𝕪. #[ DON'T MIND ME MAKING YET ANOTHER SILLY THING ] #[ ofc i'm not exactly sure if hayate would be that nice to her (after she has selective amnesia ] #[ but she is trying her best to adult! ] #[ and it's honestly always been my headcanon that hayate uses line stickers with cats in them ] #[ so i had him sending her a sticker too ] #[ also HAYATE GETS A NEW TAG FOR THE PRIVATE VERSE ] #[ BECAUSE HE HAPPENS TO BE A VERY SPOILED BOY ] #[ and the old one for him just doesn't fit anymore otl ]

[unladielike]

( okay, so i’ve amended the autism section of vivian’s about page to include sex/masturbation as her stims and updated verses page and interest checker  to include said verses... replies, though, will have to come tomorrow, because i’ve already exhausted all the spoons i had for writing them but for the time being, have yourself a new tag dump. )

#║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳m̲o̲d̲e̲r̲n̲ ̲/̲ ̲o̲l̲d̲e̲r̲. ⧽ ― WHY DOES ADULTING ONLY GET HARDER THE MORE YOU PHYSICALLY AGE?

#║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲r̲i̲v̲a̲t̲e̲ ̲/̲ ̲s̲p̲i̲r̲i̲t̲p̲y̲r̲o̲. ⧽ ― I MIGHT HAVE KILLED A PART OF MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO... BUT I’LL BE FINE.

( and if you don’t feel like re-reading vivian’s about page, here is the part i pretty much adjusted underneath the autism section: )

It should also be noted that aside from flapping her arm whenever she gets happy and shaking her leg whenever she gets stressed, she also stims by masturbating or having sex. Vivian, though, isn't sexually active by natural default due to her ineptness at gaining a partner, so she remains a virgin outside of ships and her older verse (where she's 24+ years old, and even then, her sexual experience would be limited to only an ex-girlfriend).

#spiritpyro #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲u̲b̲l̲i̲c̲ ̲s̲e̲r̲v̲i̲c̲e̲ ̲a̲n̲n̲o̲u̲n̲c̲e̲m̲e̲n̲t̲. ⧽ ― THIS SHOULD COME WITH SUBTITLES IN REAL LIFE. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( OUT OF ) ⤹ •• 𝕗𝕒𝕟𝕗𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( QUEUED ) ⤹ •• 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕣𝕪. #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳m̲o̲d̲e̲r̲n̲ ̲/̲ ̲o̲l̲d̲e̲r̲. ⧽ ― WHY DOES ADULTING ONLY GET HARDER THE MORE YOU AGE? #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲r̲i̲v̲a̲t̲e̲ ̲/̲ ̲s̲p̲i̲r̲i̲t̲p̲y̲r̲o̲. ⧽ ― I MIGHT HAVE KILLED A PART OF MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO... BUT I’LL BE FINE. #[ tfw you have a lot of muse ] #[ but not enough energy or time to actually write everything you want /cries ] #[ AND HONESTLY I HAVE LORE/INFO REGARDING VIVIAN'S FUTURE EX-GIRLFRIEND ] #[ but i've been keeping it in my drafts due to shyness ] #[ i'll prob be posting it soon though! ]

[unladielike]

I feel like even after Vivian forgets about Hayate in her private verse, the effects of her androphobia wouldn’t completely go away. Honestly, it would still be subconsciously suppressed, to the point where she can now interact with men more normally, but her body would now just instinctively recoil when her fingers unintentionally nears his. Like, thanks to trauma, I truly believe her fear of touching Hayate first would continue to linger, but she wouldn’t think that much about it since she does intentionally avoid making physical contact with pretty much everyone, unless they somehow make it apparent they don’t mind her being touchy with them.

...Either way, she’ll pretty much not initiate the affection anymore. Like, this girl would rather patiently wait for Hayate to give her head pats, stare longingly at his hand when she thinks he isn’t looking, or playfully complain about how Bugsby is the only one to ever get forehead smooches than proactively chase him. Ironically, though, Vivian wouldn’t be able to mentally handle Hayate hugging her despite craving his touch, because after all the abuse she suffered at Esmé’s hands, an embrace feels much too gentle... much too intimate; plus, there’s also the fact that her body physically remembers how he made her feel, so she’ll find herself tearing up and trembling in his arms without really understanding why.

Of course, it’s different if it’s someone she platonically likes, but Hayate is someone she loves and has a complicated history with, so an embrace from him would emotionally devastate her, because she had been yearning for it so long, that once she finally has his warmth, she doesn’t know how to physically process it. Again, despite forgetting, it doesn’t change how his actions and words still have consequences, to the point where Vivian wouldn’t always react favourably to him.

Aside from believing relationships is a form of unhappiness, though, she’s also utterly convinced Hayate, and by proxy, other men, wouldn’t make for a very good lover, so panic and fear would immediately kick in if he either tells her he’s in love with her or it’s increasingly obvious he is catching feelings for her. Seriously, when I say Vivian would be content, onesidedly loving him, I truly do mean it, because the more older she gets, the more disillusioned she’ll get about love.

#spiritpyro #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳p̲r̲i̲v̲a̲t̲e̲ ̲/̲ ̲s̲p̲i̲r̲i̲t̲p̲y̲r̲o̲. ⧽ ― I MIGHT HAVE KILLED A PART OF MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO... BUT I’LL BE FINE. #║▌ ⧼ ⸢ ʚɞ ⸣︳h̲e̲a̲d̲c̲a̲n̲o̲n̲s̲. ⧽ ― LET’S PRETEND I AM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( ABOUT ) ⤹ •• 𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕒𝕟 𝕚𝕤𝕞𝕤. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( HAYATE / i don’t know why but i sometimes get sad when i look at you. it’s like we’re connected somehow... ) ⤹ •• 𝕥𝕒𝕘. #⸾ ❖︎ ⸾ ( QUEUED ) ⤹ •• 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕣𝕪. #[ me going on another long tangent about hayate/vivian again?? IT'S SADLY MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK ] #[ like at this point my mutuals would have to pay me in order to make me shut up BECAUSE THESE TWO KEEP MONOPOLIZING MY LAST BRAINCELL ] #[ ofc it's different if she's actually dating hayate ] #[ but in an au where she doesn't... LET'S JUST SAY SHE DEVELOPS DIFFERENTLY ] #[ that if you're invested as in their relationship as i am you'd automatically want to shoot both esme and hayate ] #[ because hoo boy DO THEY END UP FUCKING HER UP IN DIFFERENT WAYS ]