#𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith )

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​   said   “ isn’t  it  funny  how  day  by  day  nothing  changes,  but  when  you  look  back  everything  is  different ”

 atlantis wasn't the plan  -   a missed opportunity swept out of reach during a time her only option was to stay    (  more anchor than anything,   not there to drown him but to stop him from slipping too adrift when grief screamed and gripped him with a strength she could never match   ).   he would have been fine,    with time,    without her.    that much she knows.   yet leaving him had still been so much more than she could manage:    for first time in life,   incapable of leaving even when every sign seemed to tell her that she should.   he stayed throughout her own recovery:    through the time it took her to recognize own skin as something hers, as something that would not be taken away again.

 they have both had their bodies turned against them,   yet the pain that he is left with seems all too unfairly harsh compared to the one she must keep.

 ❝   you do know this is sounding more and more like a breakup talk, right?   ❞    low teasing barely hides the way head tilts,     gaze as curious as it is simply confused by sudden turn of conversation.    there has been too much    –     too much forced into recent years,    loss and pain and nightmares tangling into one blur of barely spread out trauma.    could brunette truly blame him if it has become too much to see through?    a reminder of hard times over a reminder of anything good she once represented to him    –     if by missing her time to go,     she has ensured they must have a different kind of end.

 they’re hardly the people they were when they first met anymore.    growth and hardened skin are indistinguishable and haunting all the same.    ❝   truly,    cam,    seems a little bit harsh breaking up with me with so little warning.   ❞    her humour clings to what concerns seep beneath calm surface,    playful in their attempts to crack confusing ice between what he says and whatever they are building up to    (   how unlike him,    brain mutters,    that he should try so hard to build to anything but some kind of bad news   ).

 echoes of his recovery will be present for a long time still,    just as remaining pain in damaged spine or quiet nighttime panic attacks will mark them both for likely life.    the truth all rests in the open now    &&    maybe she was naïve to think it’d truly not impact them after his initial forgiveness.

 atlantis wasn’t the plan,    but sitting on couch,    awaiting what needs to be said,    any universe feels preferable to the spot that maeve is stuck within.

#duefaith #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // before the salt burns your eyes ( atlantis au | anarcalina ) #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // cam you're breaking her heart #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

 ❝   nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! ❜

 it's a lie and he knows it,     one that draws warm little smile onto features and gets barely hidden laugh.     she almost never truly asks for anything:    and,    in times where he so much as suspects it is something that matters to her,    maeve has never known kansas boy to do anything to stand in her way.    ❝   what if I say pretty please? do the physical attributes of the please make a difference?   ❞    small kiss comes to @duefaith​’s shoulder,  shifting in shared space to lie more propped up against him,   crossed arms resting on other's chest and leaning down to place gentle kiss to corner of his lips.

                           sleeping has never come naturally,    but at least when he is here between postings,  it's a little easier when he's within reach.

 ❝   come on.  you're the one running off to go twirl in the sky or whatever you do.   ❞    the fact she knows answer all too well does nothing to prevent the way she toys,  mock ignorance a poor fit for relaxed and vibrant frame.    ❝   or at least that's where you claim to go.  I haven't properly met any of your friends or family,  it's entirely possible you're just going back to the wife and kids.   ❞

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // I have zero clues what's going on #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // but it's pre d'ane and adorable and I love them #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // they have so much hell coming #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // they deserve this #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // lbr it's probably something silly and tiny like 'bullying' him into making food #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // back when she was an almost functional human #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // and he can lie down for more than ten minutes at a time #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // <3 #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

 ❝  you know i’ll protect you with everything i have.  ❞  

 it's a truth that cannot be denied:     no matter how much she may prefer to,    to fake ignorance or cling to any naive hopes that with time he may see sense.    he loves her.    it's a truth that cannot be changed by how worthy   -   or unworthy   -   maeve may view herself for such utter loyalty.    cam has never been the kind of person who does anything by halves,  especially not the things that   (   for whatever reason   )   truly do matter to him.    he is forgiving   -    too forgiving.    forgiving enough that he has forced himself through the violence of recent events,    of meeting creature with her skin,    her voice,    her hands    -    he has forced himself to forgive her for whatever alternate version of herself did in his missing time.

                  he can forgive her.    she,    however,    has always been another story.

 ❝   I destroyed their planet,  @duefaith​.   ❞     she,    not d'ane.     in the years that have come to past since the events that haunt residents of makeshift community,    she had grown better at separating the two.    progress seems to have faded    -    still in sitting in dusty cell,    back of head resting against bars and gaze avoiding him at all costs.    perhaps they would be right to simply execute her for crimes regardless of who committed them.   ❝   it’s not like it’s a case of mistaken identity.    willingly or not,  I was there.   ❞

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // remember back when we discussed cam finding out she's expecting ellie #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // when she's almost executed for d'ane shit? #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // mood #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

❀     ||      my defences are down,   I’ve lost all resistance       ||       ©.   happy  (  almost  )  1 year cam&&maeve anniversary  @duefaith​  !​

#duefaith #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // their anniversary is tomorrow but shhh #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // edits #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // a playlist / hands edit bc I couldn't decide what I was going for #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // I kept the insanely angsty idea for another time #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can see you in my soul ( eliana mitchell ) #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // tagging ellie bc technically baby ellie is in this #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // some top hits from their playlist #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // look at how much they've grown between the two gifs. i'm sobbing. #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

[ TRIP ]  for our muses to take a road trip

 forehead rests against cold glass,    radio long since faded into easy background buzzing.     their silences have never been awkward:    never forced,    never broken by the simple need to make small talk or say anything at all.    it is enough.    enough to simply exist and enough to simply be there even as roads   &&   views merge into one long winding path.   (  how many times have they done this?    taking a little time away,   some time to be themselves   -   to be a them   -    without dangers to the very galaxy leaving them no more than stolen moments.  )    gently twisting new ring around slender finger in motion that will certainly become a habit over months  &&  years to come.

                  it's only taken them a decade,   and frankly,   there will be amusement for a decade to come at how much surprise seemed to surround many attending intimate gathering.

 ❝   I suppose most of our guests would find our choice of a honeymoon unusual.   ❞    it is only when finally speaking that throat tells how long it has been since she last did,    a little dry even when shifting in her seat to face @duefaith​    (  husband now,    maeve reminds herself,   surprise still lingering regardless of how many years they have spent being a united front regardless of paperwork or jewelry   )    rather than outside world.   they have never allowed the opinions of others to taint their choices or influence their feelings...    it seems unlikely they will begin to break that habit now.    yet teasing has long since become a language of their own,    ❝   what do you reckon?    maybe they're right.    maybe we should   -   I don't know.    do something terribly cliché.   ❞

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks

[doctordonovan-a]

🛋   for   your   character   to    curl   up   with    mine  

 it's rarer than it used to be,    the space left within home when cam is called back to firing line,   how somehow their home is too quiet    &&    their bed oddly big when it houses only her.   (   these days,    when night swallows their corner of the world,    when there is nothing but rain hitting the roof above her,    she struggles to think of anything but the moments in which she truly did believe he would never be beside her again.  )  

 absence,    too often,    screams louder than presence.   thumb continues light brushing of simple wedding band,    twisting it around slender finger even as gaze remains on ceiling above her.     he will be fine.   off world training is nothing unknown or new,    nothing worth the way heavy eyes offer no promise of rest long before the creaking down hallways promises that silence will only last so long.  

 as much as she may miss cam,    may worry,    on longer trips into the stars...     even without full knowledge,   it is a space that naturally fills with anxiety even for  @mcgnificat​ ’s  tiny heart.

               ❝   bad dreams,  sparrow?   ❞     duvet is held up without too much pause,  a warm greeting to bedroom door being pushed open.     ❝   come on,  before you catch a chill.   ❞

#mcgnificat #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can see you in my soul ( eliana mitchell ) #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // maeve loves her daughter more than the universe #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // and I need this in my life #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // lil' ellie worrying about daddy

[doctordonovan-a]

@mcgnificat​​  said  “has it only been an hour? no, that can’t be right.”  !

she does her very best   -   biting back smile and hiding own face with brief rubbing eyes with gentle fingers.    anxiety,   hope,   restlessness all fill the air akin overwhelming hurricane:   and despite all her worries,   all the support she offers treasured daughter...   there is something to her words and mannerisms that ring so very cam that it almost steals a laugh.   for all maeve’s denials,  for all her stubborn trying to deny it,   girl takes after them both   (  yet she also cannot quite voice the relief scientist finds in the simple fact that ellie takes after cam enough that she can pretend her own blood isn’t in there  ).

for all own brilliance,   the world has never been a kind place.     ❝   breathe,  little duck.   ❞     fingers move to simply rub daughter’s arm,   endlessly tender as she does her best to simply focus on matter at hand.   ❝   when it’s time,    you just go in there and play for yourself.  they don’t matter,   their opinions don’t matter.   you play for you,   not them.   ❞     auditions never seem easy  -    especially when they hold as much weight as this does to girl who will,    always,    be talented beyond belief in maeve’s own gaze.

❝   if it doesn’t go ideally,    it’s just an opportunity to learn and to try again when you’re ready.    it won’t make you any less skilled and it won’t make how hard you’ve worked any less important.   ❞     failure was never an option during on youth:  but this isn’t her youth    &&    she will never be mary.    (   or at least,  she regularly promises herself she will never make the decisions mary did.   )

inside starters   |  accepting

#mcgnificat #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​  sent   "  scar  "   to trace one of maeve’s scars.

 some days she forgets    -    forgets the presence of scar upon her shoulder,  entry wound that will never fade    (   some nights her ears still ring with the echo with the sound of trigger being pulled, with the memory of a version of him who could only see monster when looking upon her   ).    it wasn't cam, she knows that much, has never doubted it or held alternate man's actions between them.   and yet perhaps, some nights,   there is the painful question as to which of of them was correct.  man who lies next to her   -   heart beneath her head as his fingers trace scar as if memorizing a map -  or man who saw nothing but bloodshed still staining her whole.

 ❝   feeling pensive,   love?   ❞     eyes remain closed,   sleep long since faded yet lesson has long since sunk deeply in    -    it is a rare thing,   for their time to truly be their own.    if his back is yet to torture him,   if her nightmares have not left her anxious or cold,    they must make the most of natural comfort that comes with being able to simply exist.  the real world with real dangers   &&   real worries will come knocking soon enough.   still at last brunette half opens green gaze enough to shift and glance up at him,   pushing dark locks from pale skin yet making no effort to break contact between his touch and forever marked skin.    small kiss comes placed to his own shoulder with no further remark,   content in leaving him room to answer as much or as little as he so wishes.

                    ❝   tell me?   ❞

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // they love each other so much #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

 ❝   you weren’t supposed to see any of this.   ❞

 between the amount of glitter,    decorative jewels,    and the somehow sparkling bows that @gaerlhoss​’ bedroom like a second carpet...     if anything,   maeve cannot entirely believe she wasn't beaten into room by a small army of eager magpies or pirates in search of treasure.    ❝   not to get in the way of an artiste and her latest project,   ❞    careful step is taken to avoid crushing anything with bare feet,    amusement barely hidden even as she falters to pick up stray teddy from where it rests between her and the desk originally intended to be a workplace for such projects.   ❝   but you do know it's a very sunny and pretty day out there,    right?   ❞

 in the end there is never any pressure for either of their girls to do anything because they 'should' or because such weather might come with expectation that the first thing they'd do is beg and plead to rush out into it.    ❝   not that such a thing has stopped rae from also being very busy reading about technological hoplology.   ❞    taking seat all the same,    attention moves to balancing bear upon her knee,    slender fingers moving little arm to wave across at child. 

                            if the project,    whatever it may be,    is important to ellie then it is important to her too.     there is certainly no need for maeve to understand the appeal of all that lays before them.    ❝   what are you working on then,    sparrow?    it's certainly very sparkly.   ❞

#gaerlhoss #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can see you in my soul ( eliana mitchell ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // I'm finally doing the asks I've hoarded #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // I'm so sorry #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

❝   it’s all over now. don’t panic. it’s not my blood.   ❞

 it’s a good thing they’re alone   -   how there are no eyes to witness how emotions flash and merge across her features.   (   she is good at it.  at swallowing what she has to down,  at baring pain until it has gone from a fracture to a full break  -  good at keeping herself from falling apart for as long as is needed.   )   her emotions are,  in the grand scheme of things,  completely useless.   yet there is no denying the speed at which small distance is broken,  soft arms wrapping around  @duefaith​​  once the promise that blood isn’t his is fully voiced.

 there’s no possible positive explanation for the blood that stains him,   no way for maeve to pretend whatever story is coming will be a good one.

 but he’s alive.   he’s alive and if that isn’t enough,  what possibly could be?     ❝   sorry.  sorry.  are you okay?   ❞    words come mumbled against his shoulder   -   careful to not hold on too tightly in case of any injuries that may litter him   -   holding on just tightly enough to be certain he won’t fade from sight quite yet.   any red that may stain her too is easily forgotten in favour of the way her hand moves to lightly brush his cheek once she takes half a step back.    ❝   you can’t turn up looking like frankenstein's creature and expect me not to panic at least a little.   ❞

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

❝    why  do  you  put  up  with  me ?    ❞

 ❝    not funny, sparrow.   ❞    it is a rare firmness   -   how voice leaves no room for argument,    no true hint of usual humour.   their three girls are all maeve never knew to wishful:    as clever as they all are determined to make their marks upon unsuspecting world.   @mcgnificat​ with her music,    with the calling that has followed her since she was first able to clap tiny hands together to own rhythm.     raelle,     with her knowledge,     with her unique perspective on a world that will always be a second home.    (   nissa,    little nissa who is still finding a path for herself,    a little too smart to care so little about any rule she doesn’t agree with.   )    

 there will be plenty of trouble for them all as they grow up,    but the echo of her and cam’s own humour from their middle child’s lips cannot go without remark.    girl doesn’t mean it    -    maeve’s knowledge of that doing little to soothe the ache they bring to chest.    at her age,    maeve would have meant it fully,    with every little connotation they carry.

 their girls know their worth,    they’ve made certain of it.    ❝   keep comments like that up and I’m going to start looking for the receipt to send you back.   ❞      and,    if wrist flicks and watering flowers is paused to spray teenager,  she cannot be entirely blamed.  

#mcgnificat #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can see you in my soul ( eliana mitchell ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​  sent   [   CHIN   ]    sender, while hugging the receiver, rests their chin on top of their head    &&    [   TEMPLE   ]   sender presses a soft kiss to the receiver’s temple while hugging them 

 these days he's barely around    -    ori threat enough that between his impossible schedule and her own, there seems to be less and less overlap when they both reside on same planet at sane hours. it is neither of their faults:    nothing either would ever hold a grudge about or comment on past what is entirely necessary.    she misses him   &&,    she believes,    for some ridiculous reason he misses her too.   (    some nights perhaps it'd be nice to simply laugh how for a while some naive part of her truly believed the greatest distance between them would be staying steady through his recovery.    )    yet they have always been about the bigger picture   -    scientist with her grasping at redemption,     at any chance to make amends.    cameron with his need,    like restless tide,    to always keep himself moving and occupied.    the goa'uld took years to defeat enough to not need to keep constant eye over a shoulder...    if ori take as long,    if they even can be defeated,    how long can any human last with so little time around each other?

 it's all too easy to label natural concerns as selfishness or insecurity.     past almost decade has been a tangled mess of traumas and affection,    of universe seeming determined that they cannot be allowed more than flickers of respite between constant fires.    then again it'd be as easy to blame late hour    -    ridiculously early hour    -    for how she hesitates before knocking on door.     sounded like a rough one,    and he'll surely be too exhausted to want company before true morning comes and they both return to endless tasks   &&   endless threats.

                          if she doesn't knock,    there is no way to know when they'll next get a chance to actually see each other if only for a little while.

 ❝   you can either lecture me on still being on base or you can have a hug. the choice is yours.   ❞    cam has always been,    at his core,    the same person   -   one scientist knows even better than it ever feels as though she knows herself.     mock threat comes with best smile she can manage    -    exhaustion barely hidden under thin layer of mock seriousness.    some nights it is easier than others not to worry,    and some nights the most that she can do is keep such thoughts to herself where they belong.

 yet still there's no complaint when pulled closer,    gentle kiss coming to forehead before his chin comes to rest amongst brown curls.    there will be time to worry tomorrow    -    and there is plenty to worry about.    his safety,    the world's safety,    whatever is coming their way next.    there are no shortage of fires that need to be put out.    but for a little while,    it cannot do any harm to simply be glad he is back and he is temporarily alright.

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

❀   ||    what   a   long   way   we’ve   come   ||   feat.  @duefaith​

#𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // edits #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // they aged like fine wine #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // start of show vs end of show #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // ish #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // look how different maeve looks... my heart #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​​  said  “this is a good look for you.”  !

 it's far from a subtle move,  how book is lowered enough to flash him vibrant little smile,  utter lack of remorse evident in way soft features shift.  it has become a routine by now,  the familiar image of his far too large shirt matched with own jeans,   relaxed in space that has become as safe as own apartment.  for all his bemoaning,  for the mock grumpiness that comes with regularly borrowed clothing,  there is no pretending she believes it for a heartbeat.   ❝   it's not my fault it's comfortable.   ❞

 within days he'll be back off and maeve's time will be entirely buried into her work   -   into trying to find answers between unforgiving stars.  so there can be no blaming her, no begrudging making the most of the time she has with him before he's back off to latest skies.

 instead she sits up enough to shift off his spot on couch,  allowing him to settle down before back of head comes to rest on his leg instead.    ❝   and you know you'll miss my annoying quirks when you're gone.   ❞    soft words are offered with usual teasing pretence  -  there's no reason for him to worry,  unaware of the risks still so soft scientist may face in his absence.     (    there's no need for him to know,  she'll surely be fine,  she's not off planet often enough to be at that much risk.    )    

                          ❝   though perhaps I shall be keeping it hostage until you're back.   ❞

soft and sweet starters   |   accepting

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // angsty foreshadowing? never #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // but this as the last weekend they spent together pre d'ane #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // that hurts #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​  said  “Are you nervous?”  !

 it's an easy yes,   one that echoes and screams through every millimetre of slender form no matter how she doesn't allow it to slip from peach lips.  is she nervous?   yes.   so nervous that bones are tense enough to snap  /  back straight and hands flatly placed on own knees.  (  he has never made her nervous before,  and he is yet to,  but circumstances seem to suffocate her even as breathless little laugh escapes.  )  

                 this is cam,  after all,  what could she be nervous about?  she has known him,  loved him,  for well over decade.  their paths have tangled and entwined to point scientist cannot quite begin to imagine how she'd even begin to separate them.   if there was any way to do it  -  any way for vengeful universe to cause them more hurt  -  him forgetting her is certainly an approach.

 ❝   I promise I was important to you.   ❞    small laugh comes,  a tense    &&   and awkward little sound that barely makes a noise.  an apology of sorts:  he didn't ask for this anymore than she did,  but what a hell it must be to face world whose details have been erased.  how is she meant to explain it?  she who has never believed herself to be permanent,  to truly matter,  to anyone?  she whose anxiety has thumb absentmindedly twisting wedding ring that rests around her finger.

maeve mattered to him and now there is no ghost of recognition to be found in blue eyes that had long since become safer than any home.   ❝   I'm sorry,  I don't want to say too much and overwhelm you.  I also don't want to say too little and have 'why didn't you tell me' moments later on.   ❞

how can there be such a thing as a healthy middle ground on something akin to re-explaining a life lived together?   he loved her once,  such a thing is unlikely to happen again.

tom ke.en starters   |   accepting

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // you knew someday I'd do this #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // I'm the worst #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // she loves him and this is a whole novel #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue

[doctordonovan-a]

@duefaith​  said  “You don’t need to tell me everything. I just want to know how I can help.”  !

 she's never slept well,   a childhood filled with endless ocean trying to drown her,  swallowing her whole every night with no sign which way was up  -  which way was further into the abyss.  for a while,  for just a little while,  lack of sleep became only a result of overactive mind,  harmless in her fascination for her work,  harmless with how it came knocking with no more than late night thoughts needing to be scribbled down.  patterns have always been a language she understands:  spotting them where others would spend years simply looking.

 patterns are recognisable and she sees them in herself too.  how nightmares come whenever she so much as shuts her eyes  -  worlds still burning   &&   the fear of what darkness may mean clinging to weary bones.

 healing takes time and yet for some things,  perhaps there isn't enough.  there is so much she cannot voice  -  things that he will likely never know  -  the things that devour her leaving brunette sat hours before even sun will rise,  chinchilla scurrying from spot next to legs to instead bounce towards nearest corner of room.   ❝   I'm just... tired.   ❞    it's a truth she cannot deny,  back of head gently thudding against wall.  of course she's tired:  sleep comes so rarely for more than heartbeats that some days maeve wonders if it's a punishment in itself.  

 (  not that it stops her from reaching up when he's near enough,  fingers lightly squeezing his.  )   ❝   you're here.  that's all I could ever ask for.   ❞

noticing trauma starters   |   accepting

#duefaith #𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣: // I can feel it in my bones standing in the dust ( duefaith | maeve && cam ) #𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗘: // would you love me when I’m gone? ( pre canon friendship | duefaith ) #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // answered asks #𝗢𝗢𝗖: // her just chilling with the chinchilla out for exercise to avoid nightmares or 2am jogging is a vibe #𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘: // queue