#🕷️🐱 western au

[anonymous-dentist]

My Western AU Pitch:

The year is sometime around 1878, and the place is a small little mining town called Perfection out in New Mexico Territory (about where the border between modern Arizona and modern New Mexico would be, for reference.)

Our protagonist is escaped Brazilian convict Cellbit and his posse of fellow Brazilian convincts + Felps, who is kinda just happy to be here. They all get to Perfection and immediately kinda hate it because, see, the government is getting a bit too invested in its future.

The townspeople are nice- Bad, the local undertaker-slash-priest; Foolish, the town's only doctor; Roier and Jaiden, who both help run the town's saloon with Roier's 'cousin' Melissa performing. But then there are the town's twin sheriffs, Los Ositos, known for their bear-like asshattery and general unpleasantness.

Cellbit kind of fucking hates them. For sheriffs, they're more invested in making their town look good for the government than actually stopping crime, and that's saying something coming from him.

But, because this is the Wild West, there are also some goddamn bandits in the hills:

A man said to have skin made of solid gold, a punishment from God for stealin' all the gold outta the Ohio River Valley back during the Revolution

A demon sent straight from Hell Itself to terrorize the town and punish it for its wicked ways by... stealing all of the furniture...

A woman with the wings of an eagle who swoops in at night to steal cattle from the local ranch

A child with a bull's head who can't speak any language known to man, forever cursed to wander the earth in silence as punishment for his actions

A half-man, half-spider with the fastest draw in the west and a killin' streak a mile wide

And so Cellbit makes a bet. If he catches these criminals first, then he gets to be the sheriff and Los Ositos have to leave town forever. If the twins catch them first, then Cellbit has to work for them until the day he dies.

And it's a set deal until Cellbit wakes up one night to find a child with a cow's head in his room rifling through his belongings and he realizes, shit, this might be a bit harder than he thought it'd be.

#this one is such a guilty pleasure you have no idea #🕷️🐱 western au

[anonymous-dentist]

Anyway Wild West spiderbit au in which Cellbit is a former criminal hiding out in the US’ recently-acquired New Mexico Territory after leaving the Empire of Brazil (or O Império do Brasil if I’ve got my articles right) with his buddies through some less than legal means.

He and his gang all settle down in the small frontier town of Perfection, run by the twin sheriffs known only as Los Ositos. They run Perfection with iron fists and well-used six-shooters in the hopes of helping the territory eventually achieve state status.

But, well, it isn’t so bad. The town might suck, but there’s a pretty boy living on a ranch a ways away from town- a former mesteñero named Roier who eventually settled down in Perfection to raise his son in a more stable environment.

But there’s some bandits in the hills- a masked man the locals are calling a demon who only seems to steal furniture, a man whose skin is said to be made of solid California gold. A half-man, half-spider with the fastest draw in the West. A woman with bird wings and a scream like an eagle’s.

Los Ositos want to catch the bandits, but, well, Cellbit might just beat them to it. He might not be as good with a gun as he used to be, but his brain sure still works better than any damn sheriff’s. And with Roier helping him, how can he fail?

#probably gonna delete this in the morning lol #I’m not too knowledgeable of Certain Things but I sure try #🕷️🐱 western au

[anonymous-dentist]

idk if ur still taking questions, but i wanted to ask more about the wild west au :D the premise is rlly cool and i’d love to hear u talk about any other ideas u have about it!

The au in question: HERE

Alright, so the first thing to know is that every single legend about these mysterious bandits is true. Magic is real, and its name is the desert.

Richarlyson is a little Brazilian boy miles and miles away from home that just so happened to be born with a cow's head instead of a human one. Bad is a demon from Hell (real, not clickbait.) Foolish stole an entire state's worth of gold and he doesn't regret shit. Jaiden steals cattle 'cause she doesn't give a shit about the law. And Roier? He'd never admit he's a good shot, but he's the best the town has got, not that anyone but Jaiden knows it.

The thing about the West is that you went there to become someone new. Nobody moved West to be the same person they were in Virginia or New York or even goddamn Ohio, you were to reinvent yourself.

Or, rather, you moved West so the land could reinvent you. Nobody comes out the same as you go in.

So color Cellbit surprised when stories start popping up about a feral cat-man wandering the hills around Perfection with knives for claws. Rumor has it he eats little children who wander too far from the town too late at night, but that's ridiculous, right? There's no such thing as monsters, just men whose reputations have gotten ahead of them.

But then Cellbit wakes up one morning and accidentally cuts himself on his own fingernails, he's forced to wonder if, shit, maybe the stories are a bit more than just stories.

#🕷️🐱 western au #asks! #anon! #this au is such a guilty pleasure you don't even KNOW

[anonymous-dentist]

do bad and cellbit still have a history in the west au

Not in the same way as they do on the qsmp because Cellbit spent his whole life in what we now know as Brazil and Bad is from the US' east coast. But they did actually run into each other once or twice just out in the desert before they ended up settling at different times in Perfection. Ended up in a shootout together once, nearly blew up an entire little gold down in the process. That was fun

#asks! #🕷️🐱 western au

[anonymous-dentist]

how the hell did richarlyson end up so far from Brazil anyway

His birth parents moved up North, but they died shortly after he was born. Legend says that his ma died of fright after seeing her baby for the first time, and so that’s what happened. No one mentions the dad, so he’s never had one.

#asks! #🕷️🐱 western au

[anonymous-dentist]

so in the wild west au does richas just immediately cling onto cellbit and the others because they're the only ones who understand him? cuz like I'm assuming he actually just speaks portuguese and nobody else knows it

Oh yeah, everyone says the cow-boy doesn’t talk, but that’s because nobody there speaks Portuguese. Once Cellbit and Co. arrive and they’re out in the town speaking Portuguese, Richas immediately latches onto them, unfortunately for Cellbit, who’s supposed to be arresting this kid

Needless to say, Cellbit does Not arrest the kid

#asks! #🕷️🐱 western au