#'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[alexenglish]

alex someone that i thought i could trust just rb-ed a whole bunch of stuff shitting on QPRs and making fun of them and talking about how aro people wanna be special so they name their friendships something stupid, and now i feel super gross. they're not even aro! why do they think they have any right to decide whether our words are wrong or not :( why can't people let us have our words in peace?? they don't even know what they're talking about but it bothers me so much

soz this took me forever to get around to answering, it’s hard to articulate anything other than just ‘unfollow them’ esp if they make you feel gross or unsafe. 

there’s a lot of discourse about microlabels right now, and which the concept of QPRs aren’t necessarily a label, it’s a concept grouped within a certain identity. it’s for sure frustrating when people act like anyone else’s identity is their problem. hey guess what, it’s not for you! sometimes more labels make people feel better. being able to use a specific language to articulate the kind of relationship you have with, not only other people, but also your own identity makes you feel safe. 

I personally find a lot of comfort in knowing what these words mean, even if I’m not part of the community they belong to. if someone says, this is my QPP I automatically know:

one or more people in the arrangement identify as aro and I should adjust my perception accordingly.

this relationship is a a very close and important one, and should be regarded in the same way I might regard a romantic relationship or familial bond in order to be respectful of that.

someone who’s in a QPR knows about the aro community – so this is a safe topic of discussion – and they may, by extension, know about other queer identities so other topics surrounding gender and sexualit are also safe.

and I might dare to assume (because we all do assume, when we meet new people):

there’s a high chance these people live together

there’s a chance they have a sexual arrangement with each other

that’s a lot of information stored inside one word, and I feel like that’s really great. it’s useful. it makes people feel secure. everything else shouldn’t matter. 

I know some people are wary of microlabels because they see it as divisive, but would it be divisive if people didn’t have to defend themselves against so much criticism? communities evolve and change, sometimes microlabels catch on and sometimes they don’t. QPR is a widely accepted concept for aromantic individuals. it’s a concept for and about aromantic individuals. everyone outside of that? who think they get to have an opinion on that? fuck ‘em.

#shop talk #mic check #long post #anonymoose