#(sorry Uma but why are you there? why does your character even exist? it feels like Netflix shoe-horned you for specific uhhh... reasons 😬)

[saikiyuuki]

Tsukista - Tsukino Empire Summary

It is a long one so I will keep the rest under the read more.

They are trying to stop the world from ending but the End was triggered by Nakajo Amon, one of the stage original cast. By labeling Hajime and Shun, and the groups they lead, Six Gravity And Procella he has done something that should not have been done. It became a battle against time to make sure the world doesn’t end and that they are not killed by the army they served.

As they went to try to save the world, the UMA started a mass attack and everyone went their separate ways. The Juniors protecting the ground, the Middes(except for You) fighting against the UMA. Hajime and Shun went to the center of the world while Kai, Haru and You went to stop Nakajo Amon.

Hajime managed to reach Shun and stop the ending of the world. While the others left parts of their hearts at the center of the world to meet Hajime and Shun.

That is the gist of it.

———————————————-

Going into deeper details, there was no royal family actually existed during the story and it was all false memories created by the real Shun. He governs over the ‘End’ and also the real Emperor of the Tsukino Empire world.

The Shun that has a contract with Byakko was actually a manifestation of the feelings Shun who did not want the world to end.

And Hajime himself was not even of that world. He is a manifestation of the heart of Hajime from another world, that is why during the stage he often talks as if he was not part of the group.

This relates to the opening as to why Hajime was shown in the military uniform at first as Shun just wanted to die to make sure the world survives. But in the ending, Hajime was wearing the Imperial clothes which meant that he decided to stay and become the ‘Beginning’ of the world itself.

The ending itself can be taken in different ways. Some people might think that everyone else besides Hajime and Shun died but, it can be said that they all survived too as it is an open ending. The others who accompanied Hajime and Shun is actually a manifestation of their feelings.

—

To make things easier I decided to translate the profiles for the seniors from the Tsukino Empire Pamphlet too.

Hajime

- A young man who was able to bond with the Leader of Rank 1, ‘Genbu’ who had nobody was able to bond with. He was able all of existing records and create new ones, but there was no records before he was found to be compatible, not one to talk about where he, himself comes from, one shrouded in mystery.

- With him being compatible with ‘Genbu’ the Four Gods have become complete and the waves of the battle has changed. Maybe the time for humanity to fight back has come...

Haru

- He was found to be compatible at the age of twelve, and ever since he became a candidate, he continues to be at the top of the ranks, an excellent young man. Though, one day ever since the arrival of Mutsuki Hajime, he had to relinquish the top of ranks and had a very stormy relationship with him for a period of time.

- But, since a certain day the relationship turned for the better, and he the took the role of the easily misunderstood Hajime’s support. Ever since then they both have become close enough to always be treated as a set, yet on that day, nobody knew what had happened.

- He also started wearing an eyepatch since that day.

Shun

- Tsukino Empire’s Second Prince who showed compatibility to Rank 1 Byakko ever since his birth. The Royal Family itself is shrouded in secret, and in addition to that he is compatible with the legendary Rank 1, in many meanings a very unusual and unconventional person. Due to his status even those high up in the military ranks do not dare push him more than he is willing.

- Despite that, he is not one who flaunt his status, someone who is kind, innocent and tolerant. He often says “I love everything.”

- Military rankings, to him it is nothing but formality. Literally the only one who can order him is “Only Hajime?”, today he too laughs mysteriously.

Kai

- The Second Fleet’s reliable older brother. Always and imposing figure, unmoved bu modt things. Ayoung man with a rough character who has the strength to laugh things off.

- He has been friends with Shun since they were in the Military Academy. Shun and Albion took interest at the pair at first sight(one sidedly), ever since then he and his Beast Leon, has been treated as a set with Shun and Albion.

- Hailing from a military family of the second military district who never had someone that was compatible with the rings, his father is the commander of the Twelfth Fleet. He hopes to be a mediator between the First Military District and the Second Military district that often clashes with each other.

This is relevant because it relates to their relationship.

———————

Relationships

Hajime and Haru

It is an awkward relationship with a lot of miscommunication. I do feel that it relates to the fact that Hajime is from another world and where his original self was aware of the situation and knows that he is the ‘Beginning’. This is a personal speculation but it is a world where he is close to Haru.

Haru, himself had an inferiority complex against Hajime. Haru was the top of the batch until suddenly Hajime took his position.

Haru went to introduce himself to Hajime, but Hajime already knew him. Haru told Hajime that he did not like the fact that Hajime easily overtook him and said that its a coincidence that he did better. Haru went and said “I don’t like having someone’s back in front of me,”. After this confrontation, Hajime went to call him Haru, not Yayoi.

They ended up fighting as Haru wanted to prove that he was better than Hajime. He lost miserably. He then took Kuro’s ring and forced a bond with Kuro. He failed and got injured. Hajime, being the ‘Beginning’ pleaded to have Haru saved. Kuro bonded with Haru to make sure he lived and stopped the destruction of Haru’s body. His new eyes are from Hajime that is why he could see the same things Hajime sees.

Haru then became loyal to Hajime ever since the incident. He did say partly due to the fact he became a part of Kuro but he does hold Hajime dear.

Returning to the present, Haru was worried over Hajime who had overworked himself. He had even locked Hajime up and forced him to rest with guards watching over him. Haru wanted to watch Hajime rest himself.

Hajime commented. “What is that? Torture?”

Haru just retorted, “That’s why I sent the guards.”

This shows how much Haru actually cares for Hajime but Hajime was misinterpreting it.

Haru himself proved his royalty when Hajime ordered Gravity to step down but Haru went against his orders saying “If you point your sword at Hajime, you are my enemy.”

During the battle, Haru collapsed and there was a flashback to when they fought and Haru nearly died. Hajime said that it was a dream but he was really a part of Hajime’s heart so would leave a part of his heart to Haru.

Haru then woke up helped by Kai and You and he ended up disabling Nakajo Amon without any mercy. Kai only went, “Uwa, Haru is scary.” During this incident. But a class 4 UMA arrived and both Kai and Haru then summoned Leon and Aosa respectively to battle against it.

At the end when Haru and Kai, then other members of Gravity and Procella came to leave a part of their heart to Hajime and Shun. Haru went to hug Hajime finally saying,

“There is no way I can hate you, idiot Hajime. And look, you belong right here so stop talking as if you don’t belong.”

Hajime petted him and they finally solved their strained relationship.

Kai and Shun

Their relationship is the same as the original Tsukiuta. But here Kai is more of his knight and Kai does take the role seriously. Kai also seems to be able to read Shun’s mood, when he got angry at someone for doubting Hajime, Kai was quick to diffuse the situation.

He accompanied Shun everywhere, even when he did his royal duties. Shun was able to get away without any escorts or guards by saying Kai was his knight. Kai, himself is not what he seems either. He has Leon, a class two ring which is very strong and was in easily in the top ten best fighter.

They met during training, Shun happened to found Kai who was taking care of Leon. Kai himself was confused when he was suddenly made Shun’s knight but he took it with a stride, in his own way.

“So what is a knight then?!” -Kai

“Someone who will stay with me and someone I can play with during my free time.” -Shun

“Normally that’s someone who will play with me not someone I can play with! The sound your words doesn’t make it seem good!” - Kai

“Its fine~ Its fine~ Don’t sweat the details.” -Shun

“I can’t help but care for the details!” -Kai

The conversation happened when they first met. Ever since then Kai continues to accompany him. The previous scene was shown in a flashback and it was Shun reminiscing on the past. As was getting ready for the ceremony. Kai made him rest a little more as Shun was made to work nonstop for ten days and he did kneel down and do the pose of a knight.

“I’m your knight, so I’ll accompany my Master.”

When Shun told him to rest as he should have been tired accompanying him.

When they were labeled as traitors, Shun ordered Procella to back down but Kai shoved Shun behind him making gestures of apologizing.

“Sorry but I’m his knight, so its my job to protect him.”

And at the end when a part of Kai’s heart met Hajime and Shun at the center of the world. Kai apologized for leaving Shun all alone in such a large palace, as he must have been lonely. Shun denied that he was the same Shun that he swore loyalty to.

Kai replied. “That Shun is you. So I’m your knight.”

Shun was tearing up as Kai bowed down and gave his hand which Shun took. Kai stood up only to flick Shun’s forehead.

Hajime and Shun

Their relationship is not that different with Shun being Hajime’s fanboy but there is more depth to that. Hajime himself actually understands how the universe is and has the powers of the ‘Beginning’. There is more depth to their relationship as they know they are two halves of a whole.

At the prelude it was shown that Shun was the one that called Hajime to the world and that is why, Shun himself who refuses to listen to any of the higher ups actually listens to Hajime.

Shun was always waiting for Hajime, calling for him as he wanted himself to end. He had loved the universe he himself had to end.

Hajime from another world, heard his voice and sent a part of his heart as he cannot leave his own world and leave it unbalanced. This is also why he always talks as if he is an outsider.

The part of Hajime’s heart manifested into human form. That is why when he was labeled a traitor his data was that of the UMA. The Beasts is a part of the owners’ heart so by proxy Hajime is the same as the Beasts and so the same as an UMA. In summary Hajime = Beasts = UMA.

During the story when they were rushing to the center of the world, Shun hesitated seeing the attack and the danger everyone was in but Hajime said

“We can’t stop now or everything will end! Believe in them! They are not ones to die just like that. Let’s believe in them.”

Shun himself was unable to go back to the center of the world has he was the manifestation of the real Shun’s feeling of not wanting the world to end.

Hajime went alone and there was a conversation between the two.

“I have always known Hajime before Hajime knew of me.”

“Why are you saying this out of the blue?”

“Its always the ‘Ending’ that admires the beginning, always chasing after them. The ‘Beginning’ always appears before the ‘End’ so the ‘End’ can only admire and never reach out as if the ‘End’ reaches out everything will end.”

“What are you saying? If you want to reach out just reach out.”

Shun laughs. “That’s right, Hajime always takes my hand as if it was meant to be. And you always heard my voice, running after me crossing over world when I call. Thank you.”

Hajime finally met the real Shun after their conversation. And Shun was telling Hajime to kill him but Hajime replied.

“I won’t kill you, you never wished for the world to end. Why do you call it “them”? It is because they are not a part of you not me.” -Hajime

“What are you saying?...” -Shun

“Naa, Shun, I’ve said this much but you don’t realize... The ones who you truly want to reach here is...” -Hajime

Hajime was touching Shun’s cheek as he said this. Then there was foot steps, first Kai and Haru appeared. Then everyone else.

Senior Group

Their relationship is quite tight knit and they seem to group together quite often. With the Juniors and Middles they do act like their leaders but when its only the four of them they have been seen to show quite a childish side. Their closeness seems to be after they were assigned their own fleets.

Hajime and Haru was seen almost arguing quite often and Kai is usually the one that interferes. While when Shun starts going on fanboy mode, Haru and Kai is quick to save Hajime.

When Hajime and Haru was talking about the non-existent emperor, Kai and Shun joined. Hajime and Shun both said at the same time that there was no Emperor.

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by the alert that they were all traitors with Hajime’s data published showing that he was similar to the UMA, reasons explained above.

“So there is data different than that of a normal human. I’m surprised.” -Hajime

“You should react more! And you are not even surprised!!!.” -Kai

“Hajime never goes for the usual check ups so you are surprised when you found out.” -Shun

“You should go properly!!” -Kai

“I told him that but he always makes excuses to avoid it.” -Haru

“I don’t like when someone is prodding me.” -Hajime

“What kind of excuse is that?! So do you prefer to be the one prodding or something?!” -Kai

“You keep saying cat-like things. If you keep doing that I will call you Hajinyan from now on.”

“Who is Hajinyan?!” - Hajime

Shun fanboys.

“Okay! But the important thing is not Hajime’s data or Hajinyan but the current problem. Yosh! I finally got to the serious topic.” -Kai

It then skips to all the Seniors waiting for the others to arrive.

Hajime had a complicated expression and Kai easily noticed, Shun explained that Hajime was just worried of what everybody thinks, showing how much they actually understand each other.

Kai also took the explanation of Hajime’s situation quite casually as it became a topic of conversation, saying that everyone else is not like Kai. But Kai himself replied that he had processed everything his own way too.

Kai and Haru’s loyalty was shown as they protected Hajime and Shun, and tried to stop Nakajo from continuing the attack. They were also the first to rush into battle when a class 4 UMA arrived. The Middles and Juniors are in no position to fight them as their Beasts are not as strong.

At the end the first to arrive to the center of the world was Kai and Haru. This shows how close they are too, being able to entrust their hearts to someone else.

———————

Note:

UMA is classified from Class 1-5.

1 is the weakest and 5 is the strongest.

The Rings and their Beast is classified from Rank 1-3

Rank 3 being the most common and weakest and Rank 1 being the strongest.

———

Personal Theories

I personally suspect that the Hajime that sent a part of his heart to the Tsukino Empire world is the Tenkou from Kurenai Enishi. But there is no relation to the stage itself.

First, Origin, Shun was just born so Hajime is probably busy. And unable to help.

And the other Hajime is usually clueless about being the ‘Beginning’. And honestly, Empire Hajime was just too soft for me not to think it reminds me of Tenkou Hajime who spoils Shun all too easily.

Which then relates to being close to Haru, close enough to call on first name basis. But its a personal theory.

#tsukiuta #tsukista #mutsuki hajime #shimotsuki shun #yayoi haru #fuduki kai #personal

[entertheolivezone]

Okay, so made for tv Disney movie time. *cracks knuckles* Descendants 2 time!

Oh shit the evil kids are casting a spell

No, wait...they're singing?

They're singing out how evil they are.

Tina thinks that this probably takes place in the past.

They're giving everyone apples that make them evil.

Oh shit, Mal's mommy issues are back. Like, already. We're not even through the first song.

No, wait, everyone has mommy issue.

The apples made everyone evil and also made they learn a bunch of over-produced dance moves.

OH SHIT MAL'S BEEN STEPFORDED!

Ben's trying to stop her from getting roasted by the press.

Ooh, he sent the press away to stop them from asking uncomfortable questions. That's questionable, politically.

Tina's all mad because part of Mal's good guy makeover is dressing her LIKE BEN'S MOM.

Apparently being the king's girlfriend means running everything.

Mal look

They showed Mal spitting out food at Aladdin and Jasmine's. Fuck you, Mal.

Mal's using magic to keep up! Evie's mad at her! It's all season 6 of Buffy in here!

Tina: *gasp!* They're MAGIC-SHAMING her!

Evie got rid of her mirror? Why? That shit was so useful.

Tina: Yeah Evie, it's weird that Mal's nervous about being the steady girlfriend of the President-For-Life.

TIME FOR SUUUUUUUBTEEEEEEEEEEEXT

Evie's super in respectiability politics.

Jay's really into orgies.

But he doesn't want Carlos there.

Oh my god, are they trying to play Carlos as straight?

OH MY GOD ARE THEY TRYING TO PLAY CARLOS AS STRAIGHT

Well Jane, maybe if you weren't crawling up Mal's ass she wouldn't make evil eyes at you.

Apparently everyone thinks Ben's going to marry Mal. Makes sense, they're all the kids of Disney characters.

Ben's trying to get a stained glass couples picture of him and Mal. I sense a plot point.

Tina: Just wear a sign that says "Desperate," Ben.

Shut up, Jane.

Why is Chad going to Evie for fashion tips? She hates his ass.

Chad's gonna try to usurp. Dang.

After having locker room sex with Jay, apparently.

Evie's got cash now from selling her designs. Upgrade your boyfriend too.

Okay, Ben is trying waaaaaaaaay too hard.

Mal's really easily bought off.

OH SHIT FENCING.

Too much cherography.

Who says FINISH HIM at a fencing match?

Wait, are they just doing Mulan but with Lonnie as Mulan and a fencing team as the Chinese army.

They are.

Chad is sexist, surprising nobody.

As is the rulebook.

Geez Jay, stand up for your friends.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE CARLOS STRAIGHT.

And jeez, don't make him straight so he can date Jane.

Jane sucks.

OOPS FORGOT YOU GREW UP IN ABJECT POVERTY HA HA I'M JANE

Ugh, a friendzone joke.

...did Mal just have an evilgasm?

Wow, going into surprsingly casual detail about Carlos' abusive childhood.

Hey Chad, don't break into other people's rooms while those people are in there.

What's with the 3-D printer stuff?

Mal made Carlos a truth gummy. So he can be honest. About being attracted to Jane. Yeah, sure, whatever you so.

The dog ate the gummi and now we're in a talking dog movie.Wasn't expecting that.

Poor Carlos. Did that dog imply he has crabs?

Welcome to the movie, Hook's kid.

This kid is 500% drama.

I think we're meeting kid!Ursula.

Oh geez, these were the kids who weren't cool enough to join Mal's gang. That's a low bar.

Kid!Ursula is named Uma. I know because they're singing a whole song called " My Name is Uma (please buy my dolls)"

She wants to take over the world because she didn't get into the first movie.

I think Harry Hook is going to be this movie's "character who seems like he want have sex with everyone in every scene he's in." (A role previously held by Ben in the last movie.)

Oh shit, Ursula does not like it when people sing in her bar. Her bar that is mostly populated with teenagers played by twenty year olds.

Harry Hook is getting handsy with Gaston Jr.

Mal is performing traditional feminity to please Ben. Gross.

Uh oh, Ben found her magic book.

Ben, don't be an asshole about this.

Okay Mal, magically date-raping your boyfriend can't be the solution to all of your problems.

Ben doesn't get how the class system works.

Bad saving throw, Ben.

Uh oh, Mal's running away with her lizard mom. Back to Bad Guy island.

Mal, did you forget that everyone hated you back home?

We're getting a leitmotiff from the first movie. Mal's going bad again.

Being King-for-Life can't be that stressful if a dance is your main concern.

At least Ben admits that it's his fault that Mal ran to the island.

Tina: It's so sad that sixteen Ben already realizes that he's doomed to repeat the cycle of abuse he parents went through.

Looks like the old gang is going back to the island. And they're gonna disquise Ben. AWESOME.

Aw, Evie doesn't want to get trapped in the place she had her hellish childhood.

Tina: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE PLOT OF WHITE NIGHTS

Lady Tremaine owns a styling parlor. Yes. Mal's gonna get a re-evil makeover.

Kid!Stepsister is definitely a character who definitely existed before this.

This salon has a giant picture of Lucifer the Cat. Good.

Oh good, they had a spare costume from Katy Perry's California Girls video for Mal to wear.

Harry's trying to intimidate Mal, but she's knows he's Uma's bitch.

Ha ha, Ben's dressed like an evil longshoreman.

All of the ex-evil kids are afraid of being trapped where they had their incredibly abusive childhoods. Ben almost walks into a vent.

Ben, stop wandering off.

Oh, Ben. You sweet, stupid baby.

Are the ex-evil kids teaching Ben about the evils of the class system through song? Yes. Yes, they are.

"Remember the way to be cool is to be oppressed and hopeless."

Ben is having way too fun here.

He just danced into Gaston Jr. And the subtext returns.

Ben's just going into their secret hideout alone? I know he's here to have a serious talk with Mal, but they don't know who else could've moved in.

That dude still doesn't get it. I'd say that he should just leave her alone, but it's obvious her insecurities about fitting in are the root of their problems.

Aw, Mal thinks that the myth of upward social mobility is bullshit and that's why she can't date Ben.

She's so upset about this that she won't even talk to her gal pal!

Harry Hook has grabbed Ben! Those two shouldn't be in the same room together. All of the goggles in the world couldn't contain that much sexual chemistry.

If Mal wants to see Ben again, she'll have to face Uma in a fight that definitely probably won't involve singing and dancing.

Sorry ex-evil kids, Mal's gotta do this alone.

OH SHIT MAL'S SITTING IN A CHAIR BACKWORDS.

"I'M SO FLATTERED THAT YOU DREAM OF ME!"

Uma wants to nail Mal to the wall. In more ways than one.

This is the way all disputes between villains are solved. By arm wrestling.

Uma wants...the fairy Godmother's wand? Is it the first movie again?

They're going to use the previous established 3-D printer to make a fake. What an odd thing to be running plot point.

Girls sure do like talking about hair I guess.

Dizzy just reminded Evie that she'll never be more than an island girl.

Oh geez, now Chad knows about it. And Lonnie.

Tina: They just gave up the whole pretense that this society is a democracy.

Why does Chad think he'll be next in line for the throne?

Dizzy: Boy, it sure sucks being an untouchable.

...are Mal and Evie going to make out?

...ARE MAL AND EVIE BREAKING UP?

Aw, Evie's willing to subject herself to abject poverty to stay with Mal and Mal won't let her.

Now they're having a romantic montage of moments between these two characters as they sing a song about how much they love each other.

Forehead bump of love.

This is one of the least subtle things ever.

Tina: There is no part of this that is not a love song.

And we cut to Jay and Carlos sleeping on top of each other. WELL

I appreciate how much everyone does not want this movie to become a talking dog movie.

Mulan grew a personality in between movies. Tina doesn't know how to feel. On one had, it was well needed. On the other, she's basically a completely different person now.

HARRY HOOK IS STROKING BEN'S FACE WITH HIS HOOK!

Did all of the gay subtext fly out of Carlos and coat everyone else?

...Harry Hook is counting down the minutes until he gets to stick his hook in Ben. His words, not mine.

Ben's trying to get out of this using his one main skill from the first movie: seduction.

He's going all in, but Uma's not buying what he's selling.

Oh great, the talking dog is here.

Everyone's off to save the group's collective boyfriend. (Ben.)

Time for some good old fashioned sing-fight-dancing.

Tina: Is this supposed to a rap battle?

Yes. Yes, it.

"ALL IT TAKES IS ONE SWING AND I'LL HUMILATE HIM."

Oh god, Ben's trying to defuse the situation by seducing a whole crowd at once. I know it worked in the first movie, but this is so not your territory.

Turns out the talking dog thing was a plot point.

Gaston Jr wants Ben to tell his mom that he's still single.

Like, yeah, the wand was fake, but why did Uma just assume that she could do magic?

FIGHT SCENE WITHOUT RAPPING

Well, that extra's dead.

...did Harry and Jay hook up in the past?

Quick, everyone swordfight with whichever character you have the most sexual chemistry with.

Except Evie and Lonnie, who just get extras because we ran out of front-credited characters.

Harry's taking another crack at Ben because of course he is.

The good guys are escaping in a limo because Ben's real power is privilege.

Uh oh, Mal left her evil spellbook behind.

Ben just realized that his duty as King-For-Life is to everyone, not just the people in the magical suburbs.

Lonnie is going to bang Jay SO HARD.

Tina: OH MY GOD THE REAL PROBLEM IS THAT THE GIRLS NEVER LISTEN TO THE GUYS.

Carlos is totally pitching an orgy.

A therapy orgy.

Tina: This is where everyone is realizing that fuck Respectability Politics.

Carlos, that's not the right problem to focus on. Of course Ben's not in love with you just because of the spellbook, that's why he was all mad that you were using it early. Also because you were trying to use magic to wipe his mind.

The dog is trying to get Carlos to be hetrosexual. So that happened.

Tina called Jay using a loophole in the fencing handbook to get Lonnie on the team. By making her captain! And she's gonna make all those boys grovel at her feet.

Ugh, Doug.

Evie, you can do better.

Doug thinks that Evie might be banging Happy's son because he has a dark streak.

Tina: Why can't we see Happy's son? An evil Happy is so much better than Doug!

BOOOOOOOO.

Oh, Carlos is trying to ask out Jane. I repeat, BOOOOOOOOOO.

We went from one of the worst hetro romances in the movie to the other.

Chad needs find his chill.

Evie is trying to establish Dizzy as an up and coming designer to get her off of the island.

Is Jane just dating Carlos to get back at her mom? That's gross. Don't use people like that.

Ew, the manservant just told Mal to work it. She's, like, sixteen. Back off, creepy.

Mal: Father-tested, Mother-approved.

Ben invited Uma! Wow, dude is really doing the groundwork to set up this threeway.

Tina: Ben is going to bring over the villains over one at a time. With his dick.

Nah, it looks like Uma probably used magic to brainwash him. The dude has no luck in the "getting magically brainwashed into dating girls" department.

Or lots of luck in that department, depending on your view of things.

How are they not getting this? This is exactly what THEY did to him last movie?

Tina: They're dancing to an orchestral version of Kiss the Girl. That makes sense.

Boy, now's a dick time to unveil that stained glass window of Mal that Ben comissioned.

Uma used the book to command Ben to bring down the mystical barrier seperating the Island of Poor People from the rest of the country. This is...a bad thing, apparently?

They're doing the thing in which two people stand on opposite sides of a room and try to get the dog to come to them, except with Ben instead of a dog.

True love's kiss, wah wah wah.

Tina: Why's Uma jumping in the water? Me: Maybe she's going to pull an Ursula and turn into a giant octopus woman.

Holy shit, I was kidding.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand now Mal's a dragon.

Think Ben still wants that threesome?

WELL APPARENTLY HE DOES.

Tina: I know Ben's right, but also shut up Ben. I want to see a giant octopus lady fight a dragon.

It took him a while, but Ben finally managed to seduce Uma.

They came so close to having a good message.

Oh, okay. Apparently segregation is wrong, but only in some cases. That's...better, I guess?

And so everyone who didn't live in the island of abject poverty lived happily ever after.

Looks like Carlos is getting that orgy he was gunning for earlier.

Mal and Evie are working the subtext right to the bitter end. And Ben's getting that threesome one way or another.

Oh right, Doug exists.

Tina: Why is everyone dancing in the water? You can tell that the choreographer thought that this would look so much cooler than it does.

I guess Mal and Ben are engaged now? Well, I guess having a wife who can turn into a dragon would come in handy if you were King-For-Life ruling over a bunch of recently deposed royals. Especially since Chad is definitely going to try to overthrow him at some point.

Uma just broke the fourth wall and threatened another sequel.

Hey, they saved the cover of a classic Disney song for the credits.

Tina: Pop cover of Kiss the Girl better than rap cover of Be Our Guest?

Me: It'd pretty much have to be.

#i may have been somewhat intoxicated when i wrote this