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#(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao)
hauntedpearl
·
2 years
Text
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#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well
#as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i
#overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk
#(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao)
#(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S
#SO FUN!!!)
#anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~
#involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big
#platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY.
#with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly
#really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right
#but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group
#and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk??
#it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason
#even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level
#of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough.
#also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me
#all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles &
#LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??.
#HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :(
#personal lmao.
#dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™
#i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting
#bYE
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