#*insert the hAEUEGEHH inhale from the 'i lie to myself' skit*

[diluc33rpm]

1/3 Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?

this is inaccurate no one perceives me

#hardly if at all #and if it is then that’s limited to... very specific people? i feel like the friends i consider closest #are the ones who have the least differentiation in perception #given of course they still have their own outside pov of me. i think i’d go insane if talking to people was like being in my own head 24/7 #i guess that means i have a hard time considering anyone close but i can’t exactly blame other people when im the one affecting my attitude #or rather not even affecting but just... exaggerating #every time someone’s like ‘oh lol you seem so chill about everything’ i’m like ‘thanks i’m constantly so tired i want to cry’ #or ‘i wish i had your confidence’ and im in my mind going ‘bitch what. bitch what. sorry could you say that again. that makes no fucking se #‘you’re so loud and crazy’ the camera cuts to me standing in a grocery store dead inside fending off madness as california girls plays #i mean i joke but it’s genuinely bizarre to me how 15 years of repressing rage turned into being fun at parties #if it makes people like me then like ? ? sure i’m flattered but god i just wanna fucking Lie Down. the turmoil of the unexpressed #i don’t even talk to people the same way i talk to myself it takes me kicking and clawing to get out my natural syntax if ever i can #hell i couldn’t even write THIS ask in it #(and i’m not sure what others opinions on me are but my vibe internally is just not all lowercase. like at all) #feel like most people i meet are like oh zach is this wacky dude!! and i'm like YEAH you're not wrong but #*insert the hAEUEGEHH inhale from the 'i lie to myself' skit* #least i’m pretty sure everyone has moments like those these days. the vibe is in shambles but we’re all a lil bit in shambles together #on this funked up planet earth there’s a ‘the rot consumes us all’ shrugging stock emoji in every one of us