#-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this.

[xxlethal-lunaxx]

If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking • #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years- #-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say. #I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks- #-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's- #-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am- #-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this. #(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you) #tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much) #(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me- #-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an- #-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.- #-therapist W)

[drink-chill-puff]

what should make life worth living?

such an awful question to ask yourself but i find myself asking it more an more every second of everyday filled with anxiety and these constant thoughts of some type of release but there isnt one anymore used to be pot for me but i cant even enjoy a smoke anymore i dont know whats changed i wish i could understand an just grab hold of my zen and never let it go.. but its nowhere to be grabbed ive tried crying these emotions of anxiety away but i dont have the tears and i dont have this sadness that i used to feel id give anything to just be sad again but i just feel tired.. tired of fighting threw everyday to just breath in an out in an out feels like my heads gonna explode i honestly just want to be okay but the release of death is seriously calling me i dont know how to feel like me anymore.. idk maybe im just crazy now idk i get these migrains now too making me nauseous and over think and cause them i know i do focusing on every body pain every ache like its killing me, its like im afriad of death but genuinly invite it.. my mind is destroying me and i dont know how to stop. i got alot of people who love and care about me and i got animals who love me too i get that and i love them too but i honestly dont know how much fight i got left and it scares the shit outta me... part of me wants to down the cabinet of meds and lay down and be done maybe get some peace again. the other half wants to fight like hell and bury myself in booze and video games but what kindave life would that be an how long until everyone gives up trying and im left with no where to go but the streets how long until im homeless and alone. (this has been my vent i dont know where my life and mind are going if youre reading this i hope you cant relate in anyway i wouldnt wish this on anyone i need this vent so no negative shit please yall)