#AND EVERYONE in my life be on some weird shit…it’s actually insane atp

[forthesummer]

every friendship i have feels fake fr

#like why do people think i don’t peep shit…..bc i really be picking up on EVERYTHING #i just make no indication that i did and continue like shit is normal #and i’m so bad at ending friendships and don’t want to be alone but is it even worth it when no one feels true #and i don’t even be trusting my intuition on the shit i peep i just tell myself i’m overthinking until i get a confirmation and i’m like wow #i was fucking right #but it’s whatever like i’m really done trying and telling ppl my personal business and trying to be friendly like it’s done #i hate to sound pessimistic and shit i do have some truly normal good friends but it’s like 3 out of like the 20 #and i’m fr optimistic that i will find my people soon and this doesn’t deter me from making friends at all #but it just sucks when people aren’t who you think they are in a way that conflicts w maintaining a friendship w them #i don’t need no one to be perfect just not to act shady and weird #AND EVERYONE in my life be on some weird shit…it’s actually insane atp #like i hate when ppl move weird like i’m not gonna fucking notice #but bc i lowkey don’t have a backbone i just stay their friends and ignore it even tho deep down it’s always there w me and always makes me #feel some type of way like ik it’s not good for me but once i get some real ppl with me it’ll be much easier to shed all those ppl #but god damn it’s just annoying….. #i’m not perfect i know i clash with people not everyone can be my friend and that’s totally okay and normal #but why be under the guise of friendship but move weird w me … just say that we don’t click and move on like that’s it #i’m just pissed bro this is why i spend the most time w my bf other than the fact we dating he’s genuinely one of the only ppl who i trust #and isn’t on some dumb shit #and the couple friends i have that are normal…god bless them for being in my life bc i would #go crazy if i didn’t have at least a couple normal ppl there..bc they really show me that it’s possible to have a friendship that isn’t #shady..ugh #whatever i just feel like i’m at the point where i’m self deprecating bc everyone makes me feel like shit ab myself #like when u have all these failed friendships it just makes me feel like i’m at fault and i’m not worth anyone’s time and i’m a fuck up #but yeah like i said bc i do have some genuinely good friends ik all the blame isn’t on me #i just can’t help to feel that way bc it’s easier to blame #urself than others when u got depression 🙂 #anywho #rant over #damn i just posted and this is long as fuck oops 😭