#And the canon Dipper singing to himself in the bathroom

[tswwwit]

Have a short thing of pointless fluffy bullshit, brought to you by mindlessly going through radio stations while bored and driving.

Dipper catches sight of yellow in the corner of his eye, and starts glaring. 

Being caught singing to himself isn’t the worst. Bill’s seen that before, teased him about it before no less - but this time? 

This time, he’s not going to get as far as he thinks. 

Before Bill can start, he points his toothbrush at his stupid grinning face in the reflection. “Don’t even start.” 

“Aw, sapling, look at you! What a massive nerd.” Bill spreads his arms wide, stalking forward. Dipper makes a noncommittal grunt, brushing his teeth again as Bill moves in for the kill. “You weren’t even born when that song came out, and you know it by heart! What’d ya do, wear out Stanley’s old record player in your moodier teen years?” 

Augh, Dipper hates it when Bill’s… insightful. Living in the middle of nowhere with spotty internet, the easiest way to get music was by digging through Stan’s old collection. 

Anyway, Bill’s taken the wrong tactic. BABBA kind of rules, and Bill’s taste in music - when it’s not way weirder-  is way older. 

“Ha! Knew it. It figures.” Bill tsks, shaking his head at Dipper in the mirror. “You gotta get out in the world more, kid. Spend less time with some outta touch old man.”

“You can say that again.” Dipper mutters, through foam and brush alike. He spits in the sink, wiping his mouth while his ancient, immortal demon husband makes a face behind him.

“Rude,” Bill responds. He didn’t miss the double-talk; if anything he’s grinning wider. He’s also wrapped his arms around Dipper’s waist, just above the towel. “I’m way more in touch than anyone else you know.”

Technically correct. If you’re into multi-layered conversations. Dipper rolls his eyes anyway. 

“I mean it. Don’t. Start.” Dipper jabs the real Bill in the chin with the toothbrush, watching his nose wrinkle up at the foam on his chin. “You’re playing with fire, Bill. I’ll use it.”

“Oh?” The smile is, if anything, more smug. “Go on!”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Why not?” Bill rests his chin in Dipper’s hair, thus sharing the mess. “Go for it, sapling. Let’s see this-”

Dipper doesn’t wait for Bill to finish his taunt. He’s already snagged his phone from the bathroom counter, scrolling through for his perfect retort. 

God, he was hoping Bill would open with that, and he has. Now Dipper can use his secret weapon.

“Aha!” Dipper turns around in Bill’s arms, brandishing his evidence right in Bill’s face. “Take that, asshole.”

Bill leans back a bit, eye squinted to get a better look. Dipper guesses he was holding it a little too close.  

He takes a second to focus on what Dipper's showing him - then gasps.

“Why, Pine Tree!” Bill exclaims. He sounds scandalized, which is great. And… delighted. Which isn’t really what Dipper was aiming for. “Going around snapping creepy pics of the biggest demon celebs, huh? A real paparazzo.” Bill clasps a palm to his cheek, fluttering his eyelashes. “You pervert.”

“I- What?” Alarmed, Dipper checks the picture he took again. 

Shit, right. He had a towel on for his show - but Bill didn’t. 

Dipper was so proud of his find, and so used to Bill, that he simply didn’t take it into account. If Bill wasn’t half-turned away in the shot, it’d be completely indecent.

“Okay, shut up. That’s not the point.” And there's another one of those to make - “And we’re married, anyway.”

“How many of these have you got around, huh? A dozen? A hundred?” Bill leans in again, grinning wide. Dipper feels himself turning red, he doesn’t - this was - “Been waiting for me in some tight pants to get a better view of the outline?” The smugness is palpable; Bill’s implying so, so much that’s wrong, and he revels in it. “Lemme know if you need a model for your next-”

“I can hear you in the shower just as well as you hear me,” Dipper interrupts, before Bill can completely change the topic. Though he has to admit, it was a nice try. “I’m not the only one serenading himself, am I?”

Bill’s jaw shuts with a click, and a little huff. Looking annoyed, now that Dipper’s re-railed their conversation.

“I caught you,” Dipper feels a triumphant smile building, he tugs Bill closer by his tie. Let him try and escape now.  “Singing pop songs in the shower.”

“Ugh. Sure I was, what’s your point?” Bill shrugs, nonchalant. It’s almost like it barely affects him. “I’ll serenade whoever I like, and lemme tell ya - never met an ungrateful audience for long.”

“Oh yeah? In your own words - ” Dipper tangles his fingers around the tie, smiling now - “What a massive nerd.”

Bill’s nose scrunches up. His eye is narrowed; he’s leaned in close enough to cage Dipper against the sink. 

Not that it matters. Dipper’s won this round.

“Takes one to know one, Bill.” Dipper jabs his idiot husband in the chest, with no small amount of pride.  “You can’t make fun of me when you do the exact same thing.” 

“Sure I can!” 

“What?” Dipper gives him a little push, annoyed. Bill certainly doesn’t look like he’s lost; he’d hoped this would deter him longer.

“‘Cause you get embarrassed about your little bathtime ballads.” Bill pats Dipper’s sides, looking pleased. “Have you seen the colors you turn? Look in the mirror sometime, kid. No way I’m missing out on those.” 

Ugh. Of course. Stupid Bill; Dipper didn’t think this would stop the teasing, necessarily, but he’d hoped it’d buy him more time. Guess he’s got more of this to look forward to, Bill’s impossibly persistent and he never gives up when he spots a good time to be had.

He turns back around, rolling his eyes. “I need to shave.” Behind him, Bill grins, wide and insane - a bright flash, as a straight razor appears in his hand - “Back off, Sweeney Todd, I’ll do it myself.”

Bill sticks out his tongue, but settles down. He leans up against Dipper’s back as he shaves, eye looking off into the distance as he contemplates something. 

Maybe Dipper’s going to hear an earful about this every time Bill catches him - but really. Joke’s on Bill, this time. If he thinks he’s gotten away scot free, he’s got another thing coming. 

Bill says he’s not embarrassed about singing in the bath? Well. Dipper has some choice commentary to make about his taste in music. They’ll see who’s turning colors when Dipper teases him right back. 

“So! You doing anything this evening?” Dipper glances at him in the mirror again. Bill’s wearing a delighted smile on his face. Like he’s just had an excellent idea, and he’s altogether too pleased with himself. “Just saying, I know a great karaoke bar on the other side of  the solar system. Huge playlist. Great drinks! And it’s been a while since I hit up the place.”

Dipper wipes his face, thinking for a moment. Sure, he wasn’t really doing anything. Bill’s warm and close, fingers tapping on his stomach and bouncing slightly on his heels. Waiting for an answer. 

“Well, kid? You coming?”

Dipper sighs, and despite himself, starts to smile. 

Okay. Maybe he’ll let Bill’s bad taste in music slide for the evening. There’ll be plenty of chances to tease later, and he can’t pick every song.

Who knows? Maybe they’ll find something terrible they both like. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Yeah, alright. Why not.” Dipper relents, and watches Bill beam at him. Feeling squeezed tight, and hearing him start to cackle. He cups a hand over Bill’s, meeting his eye in the mirror. “It’s a date.”

#My brainrot is powerful and severe #Okay I've procrastinated on my other stuff long enough time to get to that #this post basically brought to you by me zoning out while pop songs played on the radio #And somewhere in there Primadonna Bill drifted through my mind #And I went 'well Bill probably has a soft spot for some junky pop music he seems the type' #And the canon Dipper singing to himself in the bathroom #So now you have this idiocy #They both have a very nice date and a couple too many drinks and sloppy makeouts #Good for them #May this make up for the previous angst post slightly #I need a nap and also a snack

[minijenn]

Fake Universe Falls Chapter Titles

Why? Because why the hell not? So here we go with me making up bullshit chapter titles of literally EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. of Universe Falls! Enjoy! (under the cut!)

Prologue: The Gems Go On a Nature Walk Chapter 1: Dipper and Mabel Are Rebellious Little Shits Chapter 2: Steven is An Innocent Sunshine Child Chapter 3: In Which The Crossover Part of the Fic Starts Chapter 4: Tourist Trapped (Minus Tourist Trapped) Chapter 5: Gem Glow But Cookie Cat is Dead (Again) Chapter 6: Opal Punches a Robot In the Face Chapter 7: The Mystery Kids Become the Mystery Kids Chapter 8: The Chapter Jen Hated Writing the Most Chapter 9: Boys 2 Men (Except They’re Still Just Boys) Chapter 10, part 1: Greg Woke Up Too Early For This Shit Chapter 10, part 2: UF Journal is Even More Shady Than Canon Journal 

Chapter 11: Gideon Almost Commits Double Homicide Chapter 12: Steven and Dipper Do Something Stupid (part 1)  Chapter 13: SU Episodes that Weren’t Important Enough To Get Chapters to Themselves Chapter 14: Fun With Pink Pets and Time Travel Chapter 15: Insert Video Game Reference Here Chapter 16: Pearl Doesn’t Eat Summerween Candy Chapter 17: Dipper and Mabel Nearly Die Because of Something Gem Related (part 1)  Chapter 18: Baby Melon is a Baby Melon (Get it?)  Chapter 19: Keeping Secrets Leads to Draaaaaaamaaaaaa Chapter 20, part 1: Fluff Hour With Lapis Lazuli Chapter 20, part 2: Angst Hour With Lapis Lazuli

Chapter 21: An Actual Fucking Mystery In this Story For Once Chapter 22: Pearl Nearly Kills the Kids, What Else Is New?  Chapter 23: Public Pool Makeout Session Chapter 24: Dipper and Steven Do Something Stupid (part 2) Chapter 25: The Gems Are Terrible Employees Chapter 26: Sleeping On Hay Is Overrated Chapter 27: Everyone Argues for Like, 17,000 Words Or Whatever Chapter 28: Lion Acts Like the Fucking Cat He Is Chapter 29: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (Part 1)  Chapter 30, part 1: The One with Bill In It (part 1)  Chapter 30, part 2: Alexandrite Punches a Robot In the Face

Chapter 31: Jen Mashes Two Songs That Don’t Go Together Together Chapter 32: Dipifica Foreshadowing (part 1)  Chapter 33: Dipper and Steven Do Something Stupid (part 3)  Chapter 34: Amethyst Gets Her Ass Kicked Several Times Chapter 35 A: Stevonnie Has Crippling Social Anxiety Chapter 35 B: Maven Has A Massive Identity Crisis Chapter 35 C: Stepper Has A Schizophrenic Split Personality Chapter 36: Rose Was Shady AF (part 1) Chapter 37: Young Greg and Baby Steven Cameo In a Chapter Chapter 38: Stan and the Gems Try to Be Normal (And Fail) Chapter 39: Dipper and Lapis Are Sarcastic and Adorable Chapter 40, Part 1:  Dipper and Mabel Nearly Die Because of Something Gem Related (part 2) Chapter 40, Part 2: Garnet Drops Some Sick Beats

Chapter 41: Just Talk About Your Feelings Dammit!  Chapter 42: Peer Pressure is Actually Ok Chapter 43, Part 1: The One With Bill In It (part 2, with 150% More Angst!)  Chapter 43, Part 2: Another One With Bill In It (Rated P for PAIN) Chapter 44: Pearl Indoctrinates Two Kids Into Being Martyrs Chapter 45: Matchmaking Always Fails Chapter 46: That is... Fucked Right Up Chapter 47: Night At the Cult Headquarters Museum Chapter 48 A: Greg Accidentally Gets a Job and a Girlfriend On the Same Night Chapter 48 B: Pearl is Salty, What Else Is New? Chapter 49: Dipifica Foreshadowing (part 2)  Chapter 50, Part 1: The One Where Shit REALLY Hits The Fan Chapter 50, Part 2: The Angst Train to Backstory Town

Chapter 51: Rose Was Shady AF (part 2) Chapter 52: Pearl Fucks Up, What Else is New?  Chapter 53: Dipper and Ford are Nerds and No One Is Surprised Chapter 54: Ruby and Sapphire Are Terrible At Conflict Resolution Chapter 55: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (part 2)  Chapter 56: Peridot Tries to Troll Everyone (and Fails) Chapter 57: Rose was REALLY Shady AF (part 3) Chapter 58: The One With Bill In It (part 3, Plus Unicorns) Chapter 59: Peridot PIsses Literally Everything in Gravity Falls Off Chapter 60, Part 1: A Fuck Ton of Fusion Fuckery Chapter 60, Part 2: Peridot Uses the Bathroom

Chapter 61: Steven Sings the Campfire Song Song Chapter 62: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (part 3, This Time with Peridot) Chapter 63: The Nerds Have an Ego Fight Chapter 64: Steven Is Only Somewhat Ok At Conflict Resolution Chapter 65: Greg Is the Only One Who’s Good With Babies Chapter 66: Dipifica Foreshadowing (part 3, This Time with Peridot) Chapter 67: The Rational Giraffe Wife is Irrational Chapter 68: Peridot Does Stupid Shit For an Entire Chapter For Our Amusement Chapter 69: The Gems Rescue Ford Almost Constantly Chapter 70, Part 1: Lapis and Jasper Have a Rough Breakup Chapter 70, Part 2: Steven is Really Good at Cluster Resolution

Chapter 71: Keep Your Arms and Hands With the Lazuli At All Times Chapter 72: The Gang Plays Baseball or Dies Chapter 73: Matchmaking Always Works (Also Dipifica is Now Canon) Chapter 74: In Which Jen Has to Write a Fuck Ton of Original Songs Chapter 75: Morally Ambiguous Possession For Fun and Profit Chapter 76: Kids In Trenchcoats Race a Jerkass and His Jerkass Friends Chapter 77 A: Ford Tells Bill To Go Fuck Himself (He Does Not) Chapter 77 B: Ford Gets an Embarrassing Tattoo Chapter 77 C: Ford Makes Some Friends But Mostly Just a Lot of Enemies Chapter 78: Half-Turning Into a Monster is Actually Not Fun, Who Could Have Guessed Chapter 79: Lapis is an Overprotective Mom Chapter 80, Part 1: Dipper and Steven Do Something REALLY Stupid (and Dangerous, part 4) Chapter 80, Part 2: Stepper Has a Really Bad Time, Like, In General Chapter 80, Part 3: Everyone Goes to Beat Bill Up (Doesn’t Really Work)

Chapter 81: Ford Tells Dipper to Chill It Out With All The Fucking Angst (He Sort of Doesn’t Listen) Chapter 82: The Reverse Kids Are Fucking Little Brats Chapter 83: Don’t Let Children Around Rose. Ever.  Chapter 84: Being an Adult Fucking Sucks Chapter 85: Jasper Picks on Someone Her Own Size Chapter 86: Stan and Amethyst Break the Law (part 4, This Time To Save Everyone) Chapter 87: Bismuth Deserved Better, I Can’t Even Make a Joke About That Chapter 88: GR Pacifica Wants the D(ipper) Chapter 89: Pacifica Tells Dipper to Chill It Out With All The Fucking Angst (He Actually Does Listen This Time) Chapter 90, Part 1: Jasper Has a Shitty Day Chapter 90, Part 2: Rose Was INCREDIBLY SHADY AF (part 4) Chapter 90, Part 3: A Human Sized Hamster Ball In Space

Chapter 91: Garnet Has a Jealous Side Chapter 92: Lapis and Pacifica Have a Team Building Excersise Chapter 93: The Kids Go To Therapy (Because Oh God They Need It) Chapter 94: Everyone’s Hot AF As a Teen Chapter 95: Pearl Is Gay, What Else is New Chapter 96: Half-Gem Kids Have Angst Just In General Chapter 97: The Thanksgiving Chapter, But In Summer Chapter 98: Time Travel Makes Everyone Sad, Especially Me Chapter 99: I Changed My Mind, Don’t Let Steven Around Rose. Ever.  Chapter 100, Part 1: Some Nerds Almost Die on an Abandoned Gem Ship Chapter 100, Part 2: The Big One (TM) 

Chapter 101: The One With Bill In-Oh Fuck It He’s In Literally Every Chapter In This Damn Arc Chapter 102: How To Survive the Apocalypse with Dipper and Lapis Chapter 103: Amethyst Does Not Get Her Ass Kicked Several Times Chapter 104: Dipper Snaps Dippy Fresh’s Neck (Yes That Is Actually Going To Happen) Chapter 105: The One With the Song From the End Credits Chapter 106: *Insert Inspirational Full Company Musical Number Here* Chapter 107: Everyone Builds a Giant Robot (To Punch Bill In the Face With) Chapter 108: The Zodiac Is Somewhat Less of a Copout Chapter 109: Bill and Yellow Diamond Bitch At Each Other Chapter 110: Everything Goes to Fuck  Epilogue 1: Everything’s Ok Now But its Angst Epilogue 2: Jen Cries For the Rest of her Life

#idk why i even felt the need to do this #i guess for the sake of foreshadowing and hinting at some stuff??? #i dont really know #jen writes #universe falls #stupid shit