#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship

[stuckinapril]

I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling

#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all #Being dry and cryptic to me #And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship #I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since #And my palette is so cleansed #When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist #There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but #I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out #I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually #Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like #Yeah I’m dropping this for now #I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk #Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill #The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all #I fr cracked it #I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway #But they’re so not worth it #Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun #Not for me #I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me #And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious #Which is why it never works #Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different #So lame #Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags