#BUT I AIN'T GOT THAT SORTA TIME LADS

[smokeys-house]

Puukko's Travel Log 7

A passage from Puukko's travel log

Well, there's a whole lot of a nothin’ and a whole lot of somethin’. Lots of big wide open to sing into with no one to hear ya, and then ye walk smack into a town or what have you full o’ folks. Been meandering all about, taking in sights, sounds, smells, and no shortage of sweets. (Thanks Moominmamma, the jam was delicious.) And though I've been eating, somethin's been eating me. I don't rightly know what. I'm almost to Venice, so close I could be there by the afternoon if I'd fancied, and yet all I can seem t’ do is fish.

There's this lad came by my place once or twice fer servicing his pocket knife. Real lean fella who don't hardly do nothin’ but fish, outside of antics with the youngin's from the valley. Hard to pin down, that one. He fishes, eats, wanders, sleeps, and does it all again. I been doin’ that, some, lately. He's gone every winter and back every spring, but the mind does wander as to what he gets up to out there. If it's more o’ the same I can't say I'll be disappointed. I catch m'self thinkin’ “I wonder if he's runnin’ from somethin’, or toward somethin- like I am.” And that's when I realize I've caught myself in a lie. Several in fact. “I'll go to Venice when the fish stop biting.” Or “I'll go to Venice when I get tired of eating fish.” And so on and so forth… Usually fish themed though. Fish fish fish.

I could be in Venice right now, had the time to. Snufkin could be anywhere, too, I s'pose. Only reason I'm not in Venice is I think I'm scared. I ain't been scared of nothin’ but the one thing since I were a wee lass. I'm scared that if I go, I won't even have the dream anymore. It's not even my dream, it were Marion’s. I never wanted fer Italy specifically, let alone Venice, but she told me about it near on every day. An’ now I guess I jes’ sorta… associate it with her. An’ I'm awful frightened to go anywhere near it. Like my bein’ there would ruin her dreams somehow. Like I'd do it all again and take it all away from her.

Speakin’ of Snufkin, you know he had a part in the makin’ of this here jam? Got to talkin’ about it somehow with Moominmamma. She and Snufkin went out together fer a batch once, I guess. Said the jam had a secret ingredient. Got ‘er t’ fess up, she said it weren't the cherries, nor the place they grow, nor the soil they were grown in. Said it were about the journey. Said it were about bein’ gone and comin’ back. And the way I see it? That's why Snufkin leaves, too. I figured he weren't a runner after all, more of a vagabond, or an adventurer. I can't say I'm on much an adventure anymore m'self, nor at the moment thinking of coming back. Still waiting till I figure out how to go to Venice without turnin’ tail the moment I get there. Fer now I guess it's just… more fishin’.

Day 60 or so. I'm not sure I know anymore.

Signed Puukko

#whetstone's whispers #moomins #moomin oc

[gren-arlio]

Olympics ain't until next year, so let's talk about the objectively cooler one. Welcome to Episode 9 of (Waku) Puyo Extras.

(Always liked how the characters are drawn when they're small. Oh, and the lad next to Satan? That's Rasp, and I believe they don't have a set gender. Least from what I heard from the EPPC.)

Hello one and all, it's the guy who's harassed by Witches (or just a single Witch) all day, every day without fail. Seriously, outta anyone in the world, it's the dude with the Yosuke pfp, it really does run in the Persona Bro archetype to have wack ass luck. (World's worst crackship)

Silly stuff aside, welcome to the 9th episode of Waku Puyo Extras, and if you've been following for a bit, nice to know you've stuck around, and for new guys, it's fine, there's no continuity. Im just late posting this.

This time around, we're talking about PuyoLympics, and I hear you wondering, "Didn't you say you'll talk about Arle's Travel Log last time?" And you're absolutely right, I did. However, it's kinda hard to find footage for the game itself, and I do need extra time, so we'll cover it next time. Curse these games for being niche.

I'm glad PuyoLympics isn't as niche as the others we'll cover some other time (Madou Sugoroku is going to be awful to find footage for,) and I've had this on my backlog, we may as well cover it now, yeah?

So let's cut to the chase, shall we? Not having a tiny video to translate does feel weird still, but otherwise, hope you enjoy.

-----

So, What's the Origins?

Like Serilly's Happy Birthday, PuyoLympics was also a Disc Station game, released in 1997 for PC. Is it safe to say that PC got more games can console players?

(Not exactly the coolest looking start screen, but the opening itself was pretty cool.)

What's interesting about this game is that there's...two versions of it. Well, sorta. PuyoLympics in Basa~ru is technically a sequel, but it's more of a minigame from the original, so there's that. (Covered an entire game in one paragraph.)

The game itself is a sports game, yeah, but it's also somewhat a collection of minigames as well. Think those Mario Party sports minigames, but Puyofied and also you only can choose 2 characters.

-----

Alright, So What's the Story?

It begins as usual, to be honest. Satan is cooking up devious shit again but he somewhat wants to have a twist. In the meantime, Arle and Witch are arguing (leaving even the narrator a tad confused,) about Arle being unathletic.

(The peak of this argument. Words I can't even say.)

They then stumble upon a flyer, stating basically "Yo the Olympics are starting. Win to get a wish." and to settle their scores, Arle and Witch compete, along with a couple of other guys we can't play as, notably Rulue, Draco, and Schezo.

Satan decides that everyone will duel for the prize itself, though you only really play as the two girls. But to get in spirit, he dresses up as a coach to fully begin the thing.

(For some reason, all the footage I got were on Witch's side, even with looking on NicoNico. It was legimately hard to find footage for Arle. However, I do know both their endings, at least.)

For Arle's ending, Satan does say that she can indeed make a wish. However, Arle's unsure of what she should even do, and settles for...losing weight. In which Satan gives her...whatever is shown on the bottom.

(Seriously, what is this? They say it's a magician training cast but...I dunno, man.)

And how about Witch's ending? Well, Satan gives her the choice of whatever she wants, and she's also kinda unsure. However, unlike Arle, she has too MANY wishes to have, and Satan gets absolutely fed up and leaves, angering Witch. And you know what? Good on you, Satan.

-----

So, How's the Gameplay?

Gameplay itself is compressed of several minigames that you play as either Arle or Witch. The Olympics are a big deal after all.

Some of the events are things like the Meter Dash (I'd assume 100,) swimming, and...one game where you smack Puyos aside. I can't explain that one well.

Though in the swimming one, other characters appear at the very least.

(The whole squad came to cheer you on. You can't tell me they're not good friends.)

The games themselves are fairly short, and usually range about the 40 seconds to about a minute or so, they ain't called minigames for nothing. Still, there's some enjoyment itself with playing them.

-----

How About the Visuals and Characters?

Visually, least in my opinion, the game looks really good, and the OST itself is up to par with the series as a whole. Every character looks fairly well made to boot. Good on ya Compile.

And how about the characters themselves? Well...thankfully, they're fairly retained to what we're used to. Let's talk about the main two.

-----

Arle:

Our 2nd favorite girl Arle is roughly the same that we usually know her of. Here, she's still pretty dang cheerful thankfully, though with the argument with Witch and the whole going to the Olympics thing to settle their score...it's not petty, I swear.

However, something I want to note is that (supposedly not) due to Witch's comments about her being unathletic does actually kind of stick with her, as her wish is to lose weight...even if Satan kinda went the weird route to help change that. At least it shows she does have insecurities. (Seriously, what the hell is that armor going to do?)

And hey! If you play her route, Rulue makes an appearance early on, as well as Draco, who's sporting her outfit from Puyo SUN.

(Why are Rulue pants so different anyways? Still, it's nice to see her and Draco appear, even if she's more-so just a conversation with Arle and another for Witch.)

-----

Satan:

Ah, good old Satan. Never fails to just being a stupid idiot that we love. He's the whole reason why this Olympic thing began, and he's somewhat embracing it. Due to image limits (Yes, I plan the image routes ahead of time,) I can't show...In photos.

Here's a link to it. May as well, since it's so relevant.

He's a blast to actually hear and listen to. I genuinely like this version of Satan. And he even got turned into stone from a comment once. Now THAT'S comedy. I wouldn't say he carries the game, everyone does their part, but I gotta say that he's easily one of, if not the best, written character in this game.

-----

Witch:

As per the Gren Norm, I got so much more to say about Witch because...if the meme told you anything, she's definitely out there. The whole Olympic thing somewhat escalated due to Witch insulting her over being unathletic, which I mean...ouch.

If you play her route, you actually get a cameo appearance with our boy, the 2nd big guy in this Tumblr blog, Schezo Wegey. And if you know me, I'm gonna explain what happens. (At this point I document every misdeed this girl does)

So, Schezo comes into the frame wearing his Puyo SUN outfit as well, and while Witch says hello and why is he here, immediately labels him as a pervert after he claims he wants Arle again and also wants to win the Olympics.

(Silly Schezo. You're not playable.)

Witch then asks to take off his cape, because he looks like a pervert when he does...and low and behold, he actually does it, shocking her.

And frankly, I'd be surprised also. However, as none of us predicted, Schezo says if she's gonna laugh, to just do it. But she doesn't. Rather, she compliments him. A lot.

(If you've seen the meme, she's basically saying that he has a nice physique for his title, and that he has really healthy skin.)

Schezo asks if she's okay, (she's not) and she yells that he's wonderful/beautiful, causing our boy to think that she's gone insane and runs.

And she chases after him.

(Welcome to my ""Job"". Went from knowledge and Schezo to Knowledge, Schezo, and a lot of documenting of Witch and Arle. You signed up for this.)

Good on Schezo for taking the initiative and actually just leaving...well, more like run away, but good on him.

-------

So...Final Verdict?

The verdict is fairly simple honestly. Elementary, even. The game itself is a very charming game, with a really nice OST, artstyle, and even character writing to an extent. Every character is just fun to read ok and listen to, and it's nice to see such a silly concept be done fairly well.

-----

And For Those Wondering About Arle's Travel Log And Updates Overall:

Don't worry, I got it planned. I'm writing it, I didn't forget it. It's just footage is hard to come by and I want to make this the best I can. And besides...I'm making a Halloween special. I gotta.

And after that special, I plan to take a week or two off to relax. Then...idk, we try to translate Arle's Route of Waku Puyo Dungeon. The Waku part of Waku Puyo Extras will become real AGAIN...

Then, I'll take a break during New Years/Christmas. I don't want to risk burnout. But that'll be all for this time.

See y'all another time.

#japanese translation #madou monogatari #schezo puyo puyo #puyo puyo #sega #arle nadja #rulue puyo puyo #disc station #draco puyo puyo #draco centauros #satan puyo puyo #compile

[modmad]

Part three! The last part of this comic, thank you for all the kind and encouraging comments on the previous posts! You can also read the whole thing full size on my home website where you can find many more duck comics- if this was your first one and you enjoyed it, why not have a look?

Part one here / Part two here

#gladstone gander #magica de spell #magicstone #duck comics #mod art #thanks for reading! #and now to never draw a crocodile again as long as I live... #doodle comics #please understand all the walls in this temple SHOULD be covered #in luxurious paintings and carvings #BUT I AIN'T GOT THAT SORTA TIME LADS

[punkscowardschampions]

Jesse & Jac

Jesse: [okay so in my head it's at least the next day and obviously she's not going to school and neither is he because lowkey doesn't want to ever but brings her a cup of tea in the morning when everyone else is going off and then leaves] Jac: Practicing for your illustrious career in the café industry? Jac: Dad will be equal parts proud and horrified Jac: that'd be a...latte, yeah? Jesse: Depends on if you reckon it's needed Jac: Think it's a flat white, actually Jac: I'll ask him, be nothing but thrilled Jesse: thrilled about you talking Jac: you could be a little more buzzing yourself, honestly Jesse: I am Jesse: silent brooding works better for lads Jesse: and it's sorta my gig Jac: Don't worry, I'll leave your guitar out of my 'brooding' Jac: keep it truly 🤐 Jesse: 👍 Jac: You been tasked to make sure I don't top myself or this purely about your knowledge adversion Jesse: writer's block Jac: well you aren't co-opting my heartbreak Jac: not being another bitch who never gets the credit she's due Jesse: have a credit Jesse: don't matter to me Jac: Got enough hits, Mr Sensitive? Jac: alright Jac: it would piss Jude off if I got mine 'fore her Jesse: chart faves are shitting themselves Jac: yeah, you're well top40, always said so 😏 Jesse: prefer the 🤐 off you then Jac: Charming Jac: no wonder I'm so well-adjusted Jesse: you're doing alright Jac: Ha, what are you basing that expert opinion on? Jesse: 👀 Jac: Notoriously deceptive, 👀s Jesse: depends whose Jac: Remember when we started school Jac: and the teachers used to get our names the wrong way 'round Jesse: yeah Jesse: put a k on yours and an i in mine Jac: right Jac: maybe we can really commit to the swap now Jesse: if you like Jac: I could get the silent brooding down Jac: my sex aside Jesse: I'm not doing everything you do Jesse: be knackered Jac: you kidding? Jac: I'm laying here watching this cuppa go cold Jesse: [comes in and drinks it because we don't waste tea in this house] Jesse: don't stare at an empty mug Jesse: that's 💔 Jac: [the smallest lol ever] Jac: what do I do then? Jesse: [gets his guitar and starts teaching her some basics, like well if you're gonna be me] Jac: [that's a nice moment] Jesse: [just passing that guitar between them like] Jac: ['does it work then?'] Jesse: [a look like what?] Jac: [looks at the guitar then does 💔 mime] Jesse: [gets his phone and shows her how many songs/playlists etc there are on spotify or wherever about heartbreak with a shrug like it must do] Jac: [a look back that says 'or it doesn't'] Jesse: [a look back like maybe nothing does and looks at his imaginary watch like maybe time does] Jac: [scatching look like your mother] Jesse: [😏 like both of your parents] Jac: [taps the empty mug like make us another one? 'might be able to drink some of this one'] Jesse: [goes to do that and will bring her biscuits of course] Jac: [I'd love a biscuit rn tbh] Jesse: you know what would work? Jac: tell me Jesse: 🥊 Jac: I can barely hold a mug Jac: you want an easy win that bad? Jesse: you held a guitar Jac: not as hard as you want girls to believe, pretty boy Jesse: piss off Jac: 😏 Jesse: told ya you were doing alright Jac: not dead yet Jesse: 👍 Jesse: Jude would have it said you are Jesse: or dying Jac: She's got Auntie Grace's dramatic streak Jac: she'll wanna 🥊 me for saying it but can't hide from the truth Jesse: she wants to knock out loads of people Jesse: get in line Jac: I'm not queuing Jesse: 💔 isn't a killer then? Jac: Haven't you ever? Jac: ❤ or 💔 Jesse: only been in like Jac: reckon I've only ever been out Jesse: what do you mean? Jac: I thought it was ❤ Jac: but it weren't Jesse: weren't to you Jesse: or weren't to them Jac: Is there a difference? Jesse: yeah Jac: if it's not reciprocated Jac: it's not real Jesse: if it was real to one of you Jac: Only in my 🧠 Jesse: you reckon? Jac: I know now Jesse: if they even know Jac: what do you mean? Jesse: how they feel might be complicated Jesse: in their 🧠 or ❤ Jac: She made her feelings really clear Jesse: one of them Jac: It's not even how much this hurts Jac: and it does Jac: but I'm going to be completely alone Jesse: [brings her the tea and biscuits and does the feelsy lean on her that JJ do like no you won't] Jac: [just tapping his hand like she did the mug because we can't be smiling or showing appreciation in any way more than this rn] Jesse: [we drinking tea and eating biscuits cos emotions] Jac: [again, a nice moment, even though if you could cry, you would be] Jesse: [his biscuit falling in his tea and him doing the 💔 mime] Jac: [kisses her teeth like amateur 'won't tell dad'] Jesse: [does a little spur of the moment song about it that's so silly] Jac: [snorts 'oh, now I get why you have fans, yeah' shaking her head] Jesse: [throws a pillow at her because father's son] Jac: [hits him with it, obvs] Jesse: [lets her because it'll help] Jac: [should turn into you lowkey angrily beating him with the pillow like a crazy grieving person 'cos tea] Jesse: [100% approved and he'll eventually just hug her when she's exhausted her anger] Jac: [allowing it 'cos you need it] Jesse: [you seriously do gal] Jac: [loved this tbh] Jesse: [I like them together a lot] Jac: [but not in an incesty way ty] Jesse: [no no] Jac: [later, like, he left] Jac: thanks Jesse: it's just tea Jac: no just about, boy Jesse: 🙄😏 Jac: just let me know when you need a cup, yeah? Jesse: every hour on the hour Jesse: tah Jac: don't take the piss, like Jesse: don't sound like me Jac: 'course not Jesse: real food? Jac: biscuits are the most important food group Jesse: Dad entered the chat Jac: thank fuck he hasn't Jesse: worse people to talk to Jesse: in this house Jac: don't need to tell me Jac: dreading when she gets back Jesse: I'll take her on a dog walk Jesse: long Jac: throw a ⚾ and lose her Jac: bless Jesse: you've done the runner Jac: it worked so well Jesse: no seeing the future Jac: dunno if anyone thinks it's all that shocking Jesse: you weren't doing it for shock factor Jac: mum thinks I'm such a prick Jesse: She don't have the full story Jesse: and she can be a prick Jac: she ain't saying it like a compliment Jesse: not personally gutted that you weren't as good at pissing off as her Jac: 🤢 Jac: careful Jesse: 🤠 Jac: gotta live up to the namesake, yeah Jesse: don't wanna be the other McCartney Jesse: and you're more likely to invent Facebook than I am Jac: but how will I know I've got a beautiful soul now? 💔 Jesse: Talk to her Jac: who Jesse: the girl you love Jac: I can't Jesse: not today Jesse: but she's not going anywhere Jac: she's gone Jac: I can feel it Jac: nothing is the same now Jesse: loads has been happening Jesse: cut her some slack Jac: you didn't see the look on her face Jesse: I've seen her with you loads of other times Jac: she was in love with Tyler Jac: everyone knew it Jesse: was Jac: that was me Jac: their breakup Jesse: No it weren't Jac: I've done a lot of shit Jesse: that's not why she reacted like she did Jac: She's straight Jac: regardless Jesse: she said? Jac: the 👀 Jesse: it's for her to say Jesse: I got shit scared the 1st time I performed, it don't mean I never wanted to again Jac: well, she can Jac: not getting my hopes up here though Jesse: she'll be alone an' all Jac: if she weren't 💬 him in her uber back Jesse: you reckon? Jac: probably Jac: wouldn't be surprised Jesse: that's rough Jac: mhm Jesse: You wanna come to tonight's gig? Jac: How 💔 is your set? Jesse: it ain't Jesse: but it ain't set in stone Jac: don't go changing it on my account Jac: not fit to be seen by the public Jesse: write down the songs you wanna hear Jesse: if you can hold a pen Jesse: pub's in the middle of nowt Jac: I could use a drink that don't have milk in Jac: no white russians Jesse: should've said Jac: not before 5PM Jesse: real food 1st Jac: Dad entered the chat Jesse: don't wanna clean up your 🤮 you prick Jac: then don't Jac: and I'm not an amateur Jesse: 🖕😏 Jac: they got a 🚽 yeah? Jesse: Dunno Jac: Jesus Jac: super ⭐dom is well glam Jesse: Piss off Jac: can we be out the house 'fore they're all back or what Jesse: if you like Jac: you don't wanna be unfashionably early though Jesse: we can find somewhere else to go Jac: alright Jac: better than repeating the same conversations again Jesse: 👍 Jac: 🤠 Jesse: dress code? Jac: I'm not that gay Jesse: gutted Jac: 💔 Jesse: if we ain't matching, better not Jac: let us borrow a hat Jac: not gonna be pulling Jesse: Alright Jac: give me time to wash Jesse: don't have to queue Jac: polite to pretend I ain't a state Jesse: is it? Jesse: or are you just not? Jac: oh yeah, winning at life, me Jesse: weren't what I said Jesse: but you don't look like Alice Cooper, you can have that Jac: Cheers Jesse: 🏆

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: do you want me to do it all or Janis: [is Irish work, thus easy for her and like ??? for him] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is literally just doodling like the angsty art hoe he is] Janis: [does it 'cos you know when teachers pair you up for stupid worksheets and you're like what is the point we can do this alone tbh, also does pronounciation guide for him 'cos trying to keep busy but also cares] Jimmy: tah Janis: nbd Janis: we're meant to have a convo now so Janis: least pretend yeah Jimmy: no point, he can recognise my accent miles off Jimmy: I'd actually have to do it Janis: oh, true Janis: just wait and see if he's arsed then, I guess Jimmy: 👌 Janis: what did you do last week Jimmy: fuck knows in this class Jimmy: ain't followed a sec since I got here Janis: it's stupid they make you take it Janis: never going to use it, we won't even Jimmy: they'll look stupid when I drag down the average Jimmy: un🍀 Janis: sister's friend bigfoots in this class so we had no hope anyway Jimmy: 🤞 I won't have to sit through too many more of 'em Janis: yeah? Jimmy: always the #dream Janis: oh Janis: 'course Jimmy: [goes back to doodling] Janis: [leaves it a while, tapping her pen on the table 'til the teacher tells her to stop 'cos always a thing] Jimmy: [is chewing on his pen cos always a thing like you gonna get ink in your mouth boy] Janis: did I miss anything, like Jimmy: like? Janis: there's always some melodrama in this place Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: 👌 Janis: cool Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ha Janis: sorry, ddin't mean to hit send Janis: [you know when you deleting and you accidentally do, such a thing] Jimmy: like you said, nbd Janis: yeah well Jimmy: ? Janis: don't you even care a bit what I was going to say now Jimmy: nah Janis: okay Jimmy: unless you wanna liven up this class with the fake break up we never had Jimmy: probably bit late though Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: stop Jimmy: [stops by just ignoring her & defacing the worksheet with 🎨] Janis: [snatches it and rips it up, says 'it was real for me' out loud before being sent out by the teach, everyone like 'oooh!' and #living] Jimmy: too real for you Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [in seclusion after shotuing at the chill teacher like soz sir] Janis: fuck you Jimmy: fuck me 'cause you're a massive dickhead, alright Jimmy: always is Janis: no fuck you for saying it isn't real Jimmy: I didn't Jimmy: but could've Jimmy: should've Janis: no you shouldn't Janis: don't lie Jimmy: don't fuck off for ages then come back & tell me what I should do Janis: lying ain't gonna make you feel better about it Jimmy: nowt will Jimmy: so who cares Janis: me Jimmy: tweet it, babe Jimmy: or better yet send some more snaps & forget about it Janis: go on Jimmy: I ain't the one trying to go anywhere Jimmy: nowhere to go Janis: I mean keep going Janis: giving you the option, you said Jimmy: I know what you meant, I ain't that thick, remember, just northern Janis: do it then Jimmy: stop telling what to do Jimmy: who the fuck are you Janis: exactly Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: leave it out Janis: it'll make you feel better Jimmy: nowt will Jimmy: already said that Jimmy: I know you're probably chatting to loads of lads right now but try & keep up Janis: you haven't even got started yet, come on, what else Jimmy: piss off, Janis Janis: again, yeah? maybe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: is that the best you can do? don't be a pussy Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: my dad's got better insults than you Jimmy: don't bother Janis: I ain't, this is about you Jimmy: no it ain't Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me Jimmy: if it were we wouldn't be chatting Janis: you need to say it Jimmy: you need to Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: if you're so desperate Janis: nah, it has to be you Jimmy: 💔 gutted Janis: Fucking do it, I did my part Jimmy: deal's off Jimmy: don't have to do nowt for you Janis: that's all I needed you to say Janis: needed to know Jimmy: it's top that you got what you need Jimmy: 💕 Janis: don't worry, everyone will know it was my fault Janis: not like they ever wanted anything less Jimmy: yeah 'cause I really give a fuck Jimmy: what everyone knows or thinks Janis: yeah you don't give a fuck about anything, that's your thing Janis: say you never did and it's back to how it was Jimmy: I gave a fuck about you Jimmy: & enough of a fuck about my brother & sister not to chase after you Jimmy: but go on Janis: who am I gonna tell? Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I'm telling you 'cause you've forgotten who I am in a week Janis: No I haven't Jimmy: then you're just trying to hurt me, alright Jimmy: go on with that too Janis: that's the opposite of what I'm trying to do, I'm trying to make this easier Janis: the more you hate me the better it'll be Jimmy: that's your thing, yeah Jimmy: tah so much Janis: didn't say i was fucking good at it Jimmy: good job Jimmy: I can't fake that I agree Janis: why are you faking anything Janis: love me or hate me, we're past that shit Jimmy: habit I suppose Janis: well stop Jimmy: make me Jimmy: you don't get to do this Janis: what don't I get to do Jimmy: how I handle shit is up to me Janis: you ain't Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: I'll run away next week Jimmy: hang on, I can't Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: I didn't Janis: I told you Jimmy: fuck you Jimmy: I don't wanna hear it Janis: tough Jimmy: what are you gonna do? shout at me like you did sir? Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: maybe Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: never get enough of that Jimmy: you & my dad can do a rota Janis: yeah I'm your Dad Janis: you wish Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: dream come true that Janis: you're welcome Jimmy: yeah Janis: what do I do now Jimmy: what are you asking me for? Janis: you've had your heart broken before yeah Janis: i don't know anyone else who has Jimmy: & I told you nowt helps Janis: I ain't asking for it to stop but what do I do Jimmy: do what you like Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: good one Jimmy: you told me not to lie Jimmy: there it is Janis: i know but it doesn't stop it being bullshit Jimmy: everything's bollocks Jimmy: nowt's gonna change nowt Janis: not true Jimmy: shout at another teacher Jimmy: me Jimmy: fuck off again Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: you're still gonna feel how you do Janis: if you could stay gone, i think it'd work Janis: but you never can Jimmy: I'm counting down the days Jimmy: I'll let you know Janis: you're not gone, you can't Janis: i can't either Janis: one per family i dunno Jimmy: not yet, like I said 🤞 Jimmy: soon Jimmy: & I'll let you know how it works out Janis: nah Janis: I don't mean from here, from me Janis: and you won't Jimmy: we'll see Jimmy: or I will & you won't see me, like Jimmy: sorta the point Janis: is that easier Jimmy: nowt's easy Jimmy: how many times Janis: that's not true Janis: it was easy Janis: before Jimmy: for what like a week? Jimmy: don't count Janis: not then Janis: before you Jimmy: soz Jimmy: I didn't ask to show up either Janis: no you're not Jimmy: I just said so Jimmy: very sorry to be in this shithole actually Janis: poor you Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't worry I'll 🎨 about it Janis: worry, about you, why would I do that? Janis: all fake this, so you say Janis: thank god Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I just wanted Janis: who cares, right Jimmy: right Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I wish I hated you Jimmy: likewise Jimmy: but wishing is bollocks anyway Jimmy: never once got nowt I tried for Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: I can easily make that happen for you Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: & like I said, you don't get to Janis: yes I can Jimmy: no Janis: yes Jimmy: shut up Janis: make me Jimmy: you're in seclusion Jimmy: so unlikely Janis: like you'd do anything if you were here Jimmy: like you'd make that challenge if I were Janis: yes I would Janis: I've been telling you, do something Jimmy: just Jimmy: let me feel how I fucking do, alright Janis: not stopping you Jimmy: but stop Jimmy: this Janis: why, you really wanna be in there with all them Janis: get kicked out Jimmy: they ain't gonna put me with you if I do Janis: excuses Jimmy: no but why would I bother? Janis: like it's difficult Jimmy: like it matters Janis: whatever Jimmy: I don't care about any of this Jimmy: don't you get that Janis: prove it then Jimmy: & do what Jimmy: bust you out & then Jimmy: ? Janis: show me how little you care Jimmy: alright fine Janis: cool Jimmy: [literally can't reply cos leaving class to bust into seclusion & kiss her really angrily & passionately & just like ILY & miss you so SOMEONE FILM THIS ON YOUR PHONE SO EVERYONE KNOWS]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Just had to suffer my sister at her worst but also think she won't talk to me or you now so Janis: 👍🤞 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: Tah though baby 👍 Janis: 🖕 You have no idea dickhead Janis: owe me for how much she blames me 'cos of course Jimmy: we can plan our first date Jimmy: shout you drinks when it happens & work out how most to piss her off 'til then Janis: Decent Janis: have to make it last longer than a few days so she can eat shit/her words Janis: not the date, she ain't that demanding I hope Jimmy: 'ave til school starts, that should be long enough? Jimmy: what sorta dates are #goals for her & her mates Janis: Fine by me, probs a record for that lot honestly Janis: Eurgh, hold on Janis: lemme get into the headspace of a basic bitch Jimmy: & i can serve a record number of frappes to 'em in that time, less time all 'round when it ain't hols no more Jimmy: 👌😂 Jimmy: needs to be bearable for us too Janis: Wasn't betting on it with you for company, babe Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You love me now, remember Janis: Shh, the more you talk the harder this is Janis: I dunno, every cliche in the book probably, like can't actually just go down the pub, that is not a thotsquad approved #goal Jimmy: hang on, in my house we don't play charades or owt but I'll 'ave a go... 🖕 Jimmy: where did her last bae take your sister? Janis: How many syllables? Jimmy: as many as dickhead has Jimmy: flicks? then we don't have to talk Janis: Tap 'em out, come on Janis: it's two, just so you know Janis: Yeah, that'd work Janis: are you going to make me see something pretentious and artsy or what though Jimmy: you wouldn't like that, smart girl? Jimmy: gotta be a horror film, don't it? That's the cliche Janis: 'course, nothing like a heavy dose of fear to get a girl in the mood Janis: how could I forget Jimmy: food & drinks before or after? since you eat, unlike your sister Janis: After, means there was a chance we got off on the backrow 'fore tucking in to all the garlic or whatever posh food always has in it Jimmy: I can't be back too late though for real Janis: Alright Janis: post it after Janis: doubt our classmates are gonna be hanging 'bout any food place that ain't nandos or maccas so Jimmy: It's your turn on the 'gram, sweetheart Janis: Great 🙄 Jimmy: Fake more enthusiasm when you type out the #s Jimmy: if your sister's likely to be about I'll pick you up Jimmy: say when Janis: 'course Janis: when more's at stake than just your ego darling 😘 Janis: when do you need to be back for real Janis: it doesn't matter to me Jimmy: 9ish at latest Jimmy: but if anyone asks we were out 'til whenever Jimmy: my sister ain't gonna dob us in as liars Janis: Shit man, wha'd'ya do? Janis: 'course though Janis: mine happily would but she ain't that bright, and easily avoided so it's cool Jimmy: nowt like what you're thinking Janis: coulda gone with that Janis: actually sound impressive Jimmy: why? Jimmy: you getting bored of me already, Jessica? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: just saying, bit of inspiration wouldn't go amiss if you want this post to be 🔥 Janis: but don't worry, I'm a pro even if you're not bringing your A game Jimmy: if you need it when the bar's this low, we are doomed Jimmy: got weeks of this yet, girl Janis: shut up, misery Janis: just worried you can't keep up Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Jimmy: a well deep wound Janis: You want 'em to piss off or nah, boy Jimmy: save your nagging 'til you next visit me at work Jimmy: the audience will lap it up Janis: Yeah yeah, you just wanna fully appreciate in person don't lie Jimmy: rumbled 😍 Janis: Hm, know your type, mate Janis: probably tell me your shifts so I can drop in casual Janis: not dedicated enough to work it out like they have, soz Jimmy: [sends his work schedule] Jimmy: get in before I get sacked 🙄 Janis: are you only the best barista in looks then? 💔 Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: you tasted that smoothie Jimmy: but your sister's head bitch is here with her latest male victim Jimmy: I can only be so 😁 Janis: do the world, him and me a favour and poison hers, like 😒 Janis: your manager will understand Jimmy: Is she not immune to most? Jimmy: Looks like she's about to swallow this lad 🐍 Janis: 😷 Janis: Throw water at her, cool her down and she'll melt Jimmy: deal Janis: knew you had your uses Jimmy: she keeps looking at me Jimmy: waiting for my invite to sit down and join in Janis: probably Janis: or she's trying to turn you into stone, run away then, boy 🙄 Jimmy: if she can get anyone hard with one of them looks I despair at Leprechaun country more than I had done Janis: 😏 Janis: Actually funny, give you that Janis: she reckons Jimmy: Funny enough to come save me? Janis: Hmm Janis: How scared are you? Gotta let it get high enough, most hero points Jimmy: I'll let you know when she unhinges her jaw fully Janis: 👍 Janis: quite the party trick Jimmy: go on, I'll ramp up the 😍 Jimmy: make her think you're really irresistible Janis: Think? Janis: Bitch, she knows Jimmy: She fancies you? Jimmy: That explains a lot Janis: I don't know what her actual damage is Janis: would explain the over-the-top homophobia, like Jimmy: I'll show her what she's missing then Jimmy: work appropriate PDA Janis: 😍 when you put it like that Jimmy: gotta pay up Jimmy: like you said, I owe you for Grace Jimmy: how far do you want me to go? Janis: Oh 'scuse me whilst I take a moment to swoon Janis: 😂 Jimmy: Don't take too long if you don't want her to leave Jimmy: which I know you don't Jimmy: she's been chatting shit loudly about you, for my benefit, since she got here Janis: 😒 Glad to know she's as much a cunt behind my back as she is to my face Janis: true friend 💕 Janis: Reckon we can manage to show you're actually interested in ME and not just getting off with any bitch or too pie in the sky Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Put your hair up so I can take it down that's the most cliche thing I can think of Janis: Sorted Janis: it's up anyway, had to go to the gym after that delightful convo with Gracie Jimmy: If you can keep your sick in your mouth & not over me, I'll remember your name, just for this Jimmy: Jennifer, right? Janis: I know you can read Janis: not that Northern Jimmy: Do you? Jimmy: I might be faking that too Janis: You running every message by your colleague first then? Janis: I should get off with him too, only fair Jimmy: wait til Mona's gone probably Jimmy: what do you wanna drink/eat? I'll pretend it's spontaneous 'cause I can read you so well 💕 Janis: She'd respect it, slutbag Janis: the others would defs not though so I'll be sly with it, don't worry Janis: Clearly a non-shit smoothie is our thing, babe 💕 Janis: and anything with protein, not fussy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Take some selfies with me, we'll work out who's gonna post what later Janis: Gotta give the fans what they want Jimmy: gotta give the #haters what they don't Janis: You know it Janis: by the time School rolls back 'round, you're gonna be so forgettable Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: No wishing 'bout it, boy Janis: I get shit done 💪 Jimmy: Don't make me like you Jimmy: Not what we're here for Janis: 🙄 Don't be soft Jimmy: Do your job & I won't be, will I? Jimmy: 😍 remember Janis: Yeah 😏 Do your best to look dead blue ball'd in these selfies Janis: what could be more #goals than a boy not instantly going off you when you don't spread 'em on first sight, appaz Janis: and our bar is low yeah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's been a while, I can do that Janis: 🎻 Janis: Bollocks has it Jimmy: Hard to believe 'cause you want me so bad but actually has Janis: 🖕 Janis: if you have as many fans as you claiming, they ain't all so unbearable you ain't gone there Jimmy: yeah they are Janis: ⬆ standards, is it Jimmy: standards Jimmy: any Janis: Admirable Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Deadly serious Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: Giving you a few months 'fore you're one of 'em Janis: that's all Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: back to being brutal now then Janis: You want saving from this whole town, that'd cost more than you'd be willing to give, boy Janis: get you eventually Jimmy: I'll be gone before that happens Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: I didn't wanna come here in the first place, I'm not making it my shamrock patch to die in Janis: Me either, mate Jimmy: You better shut up and get a move on before we find owt else we've got in common Janis: 'Less you want me to show up all sweaty and have it be known that's what you're into you'll calm the fuck down and lemme finish Jimmy: If I cared that much what people thought I was into have dressed you before you first showed up here Janis: Cunt Janis: if I wanted unwarranted fashion advice, I'd have stayed home and alked to my sister some more Jimmy: Can't seduce a girl without a leather jacket, by your own reckoning Jimmy: So you're wrong or I don't care, do I? Janis: I'm right, you just like complaining Janis: it ain't like you've been catfished here Jimmy: you've been whinging since you got in my inbox, Jolene Janis: You're the one who's shit scared of falling so you keep 🤐 anything else Jimmy: You don't know me Jimmy: guess again Janis: I'm good Janis: only need to know the fake you tso this isn't a waste of time Jimmy: 💔 Janis: but give me the basic rundown over dinner, yeah Janis: just in case anyone asks when your birthday is or some shit Jimmy: chatting something useful? Who are you? Jimmy: Top one, Julie Janis: Funny Janis: I'll be fucking fuming if it's soon, I ain't getting you anything Jimmy: We'll be over before then Jimmy: When's yours? Janis: 13th October, so same Jimmy: Gutted I can't make Grace share with me as well Janis: 😒 Don't even Janis: basically have to leave the country to get away, no joke how serious she takes it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎸🎺🎻 Jimmy: you get the whole orchestra for that one, baby Janis: I'll let her know you want the joint party, see how musical you feeling then Jimmy: I've already told you, you ain't breaking my heart Jimmy: do your worst Janis: hour 3 of picking out fucking Janis: napkin colours Janis: and she will Jimmy: nah don't have to listen Jimmy: she don't want any real input Janis: i know you've heard how loud she is Janis: there's no option Jimmy: bollocks Janis: I'm telling you, take my place Jimmy: I'm telling you, customer service has trained me Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: Have fun Janis: Imma do one with your fit workmate ✌ Jimmy: You'd have to find one first Janis: Easy Jimmy: if that's your type, sweetheart Janis: Not an amateur like the bitches who concern themselves with you, I've scoped the joint once, I'm good to go Janis: Don't be jealous, you asked for this Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's pity not jealousy Jimmy: if you think any of 'em are fit you need your eyes checked at least and at worst, like....scrapping Janis: I didn't know you'd ranked 'em all outta 10 already, my bad Janis: if you got claims, just say, girl code Jimmy: what the fuck is girl code? Janis: Fucked if I know but unsurprised I'm apparently in violation 'cos Gracie ain't getting exactly what she wants 🤷 Janis: ask if you can get a word in Jimmy: tah, mate Janis: I know, she's scary Janis: save your streetcred and keep it hush Jimmy: what street cred? I'm dating you Janis: Actually do one Jimmy: you don't feel no different about me Jimmy: we ain't pretending here Janis: I've had enough of it for one day though so you'll have to have a go tomorrow, like Jimmy: alright, white flag Jimmy: relax, Janis Janis: Whatever, yeah Janis: omw Jimmy: I'll get the smoothie ready so you don't have to wait Jimmy: it's the little things that are #goals yeah? Janis: 💕 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: save it Jimmy: we've got a show to put on Jimmy: Myrtle's really stepped hers up, on the hate & the love Janis: Least she's coming up for air Janis: What's she saying then? Jimmy: not worth repeating when we can just shut it down Janis: I just feel sorry for the lad Janis: his idea of a hot date probably isn't a bitching sesh Jimmy: he looks like he's enjoying himself Janis: 😷 the casualties of the job they didn't warn you about, yeah Jimmy: if you want any food you're braver than me Janis: Given but Janis: ew Jimmy: don't be a dickhead after the white flag's gone up Janis: awh babes Janis: don't you wanna play dirty? Jimmy: like I said, save it, babes Janis: 😏 fine Janis: dry Jimmy: I get it, you want me Jimmy: you can regret that it's fake later Janis: Yeah, be one for the deathbed, that 🙄 Jimmy: I'll bring the orchestra in Janis: you'll be long gone Janis: 💔 can kill, you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: alright, Juliet, steady on Janis: 🥊 ain't pulling no Janis: you shoulda done more research, boyo Jimmy: Minerva's meant to be drinking the poison not you, love Jimmy: & absolutely not me Janis: ahh so it's true Janis: you DO pull that stunt on all the girls 😏 amateur Jimmy: call me an amateur after if you still think so Janis: happily Jimmy: Love you too, baby Janis: 🤢 Janis: blow your load that quick we're in real trouble Jimmy: what are you wearing today? Jimmy: 'cause unless you've got the leathers out Janis: 😂 kicking it old school sex hotline okay Janis: gym things, obviously Janis: men, never listen 😏 Jimmy: we're in no danger then Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude when i'm blowing off the gym juice boy for you Jimmy: if you want to bring him to CG to dangle in front of your enemy, go on Janis: Poor boy Janis: she has enough playthings without my help Jimmy: they'll both be gutted Jimmy: learn to share, Joni Janis: fuck off Janis: had a lifetime as is Jimmy: I ain't an only child Jimmy: you don't get no violin Janis: how many you got, 1, 2 Janis: and you ain't twins with the most annoying bitch in ireland, possibly the world Jimmy: take it up with your Irish catholic parents or whatever Jimmy: probably the pope Janis: how irish catholic do i look boy Jimmy: your ma looks it Jimmy: that'll do Janis: send her to the fucking laundries and bury us all in the mass grave Janis: good luck n all da Jimmy: cheery today you Janis: ain't my fault fallen women don't get you going Janis: what's wrong with you man Jimmy: if that's your #goal we are proper doomed Jimmy: couldn't be more turned off if I tried Janis: tell you ain't catholic Janis: love to hate the sin hatefuck the sinner baby, that's how we're rolling Jimmy: I'm not C of E never mind that Jimmy: there's no god under my roof, girl Jimmy: never been Janis: Lucky you Janis: we're not all #blessed Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: my dad will love to hear that we are, tah Janis: welcome Janis: way too soon to attempt impressing parents but clearly that overachiever Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: bring that enthusiasm to my counter, babe Janis: hot Jimmy: like you said, bar's low Janis: low enough you reckon i'm hopping my arse up on it for you, apparently Jimmy: why not? Janis: depends Janis: is it a challenge Jimmy: You gonna accept it if it is? Janis: Obviously Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: Go on then, thrill me, Justine Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Janis: Easy for you to chat back now too Jimmy: I'll pretend to like it, difficult as that'll be Jimmy: So doesn't matter Janis: you need me, remember that Jimmy: I've not forgotten Jimmy: don't need to kiss your arse before you get here though Janis: no one's asking you to go that far, tah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: well you never answered how far you DO want me to Janis: Don't be stupid Jimmy: Not #goals if you slap me in front of Mia, is it? Janis: Not for you anyway Jimmy: Draw me the line Jimmy: I won't cross it Jimmy: Not hard Janis: You're not thick, no sense doing anything more than what's appropriate for the audience, like Janis: why do I have to spell it out Jimmy: 'Cause you hate her Jimmy: So how much do you? Janis: How much do I hate her? Janis: That's a question and then some, like Jimmy: I can make it as hot and her as jealous as you want Jimmy: Like you said, not thick Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: Do the same for me if I ask Jimmy: & yeah Janis: Alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm here Janis: be hot Jimmy: 🔥🎆🚒 Janis: Oh my God, you actual loser 😏 Jimmy: don't call me a loser when I'm about to help you win Janis: okay okay, teamwork, yeah? Jimmy: I've been putting in work you ain't even asked for being 😍 at my phone this whole time so she knows its you Jimmy: pull your weight, dickhead Janis: admire the dedication Jimmy: match it then Janis: oi 💪 always Jimmy: 🥇 yeah? Janis: Too right Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [After] Janis: Is your phone blowing up too or am I just the un🍀 one? Jimmy: my co-workers are Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: you could be in with some of 'em now for real Janis: Good stuff, secondary goal achieved too Janis: Go us Jimmy: Mia's not gonna put us on blast like a new wave gossip girl, is she? Jimmy: Do without my sister seeing any of that Janis: I don't reckon she would, she shouldn't seem as invested as she is, not cool Janis: she's just shown her little mates, Grace included Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: keep your win without me whinging then Janis: Just get her done for making material with minors in if she does, problem solved 🤷 Janis: not taking my 🥇 Jimmy: we gonna cool things off for not looking to keen or go all in with first date bollocks? Janis: I mean, probably occupy their tiny minds for a bit but leave it too long and I go back to looking #desperate so Janis: still up for going ahead whenever you are Jimmy: day or two? Jimmy: made me want you for a bit but not too long Janis: Cool Janis: I'd buy it Jimmy: more like two and you can act like I'm blowing your phone up Jimmy: tilt your screen 🙄 Janis: For sure Janis: hmu with those 'wyd' texts Jimmy: & impressive selfies Jimmy: you ain't the only one capable Janis: mhmm show me what i'm missing 😏 Jimmy: 🤤 Jimmy: you ran off so quick we didn't take any coupley ones #rookie mistake Jimmy: remind me next time Janis: you know, own personal photographer and hater in one with mia Janis: even if she ain't thinking of my angles Jimmy: she didn't get mine either Jimmy: 💔 Janis: honestly, talk about distracted on the job Jimmy: some people, mate Jimmy: have you looked though? did the job for us Jimmy: & livened up her story Janis: Welcome, if I had to see another generic selfie from her 🔫 Janis: Who knew I was so popular? Jimmy: Me, that's why we're 💕 Janis: All part of the masterplan Janis: I'll skillfully ignore these DM requests, like Jimmy: we've made our point Jimmy: slide into as many DMs as you like, darling Janis: 👍 tah Janis: least let you get a date in, kinda the point Jimmy: point is, you're not gay & I'm not interested in what Mia & co are offering Jimmy: but I won't deprive you of a date now, that'd be so snide Janis: 🙄 gracious Jimmy: we don't have to sit through a whole shit film, do we? Jimmy: as long as we check in & our audience know we're there Janis: you gotta be home by 9 anyway so Jimmy: Mia's not gonna like turn up in shades to watch us in the back row now she'd had a glimpse Jimmy: 'Cause I wanna just eat Janis: Got enough wank bank material keep her going Janis: let's just eat then, I don't care, never nothing good on anyway Jimmy: where's good grub wise? I ain't been nowhere yet Janis: I know places, I'll pick somewhere actually decent, not just #goals Janis: just don't tell my Dad Jimmy: 😍😍😍 tah bae Jimmy: what's your dad gonna do if I chat to him about decent food? Janis: chat how his is better and no one needs a first date at their own dad's restaurant Janis: never mind a fake one Jimmy: 💔 gutted Jimmy: I could've made a 🔥 first impression for you, girl Janis: 😂 gone to your head, lad Janis: don't need to impress him, or any of 'em Jimmy: could though Jimmy: multi talented Jimmy joined the chat 7 hours ago Janis: and the oscar goes to Janis: keep your talents away from my fam, tah Jimmy: Alright, Jackie, you've got a deal Janis: careful, make a habit of it Jimmy: gotta for as long as you need me Janis: 💕 Jimmy: then I'll bin school off & go hollywood 😎 Janis: See no flaws in the plan Janis: big enough town I can go too and blank ya or? Janis: any out, like Jimmy: I'm no expert but I'd guess yeah Janis: Did you just admit you don't know everything? Janis: Omg, definitely isn't you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You're the one who tries to chat that you do Janis: I don't try, I just do, babe Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: We were having a moment plotting our new life & you had to be a dickhead Jimmy: ruin everything you Janis: You have to warn me when we're having moments Janis: I wasn't on, God Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Used it all up for Mia Janis: real love of my life, naturally 😒 Jimmy: You crush me, Josie Janis: I know, I know Janis: I did warn you Jimmy: Make it up to me by naming a decent pub Jimmy: I need somewhere to go after work Janis: Whelan's is a decent shout Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for your vibe Janis: lots of leather, lots of indie but the craic is actually decent and it ain't tourist hell so Jimmy: I'll let you know if you're right Jimmy: know you can't wait to find out Janis: Hanging on the phone, like 🖕 Jimmy: If I find any girls irresistible I'll keep it off the 'gram, don't worry Janis: 👍 Jimmy: this shift is dragging after Mia gate Jimmy: if I text her will she come back? Janis: You mean they're ripping the piss too hard Janis: Obviously she would but can you not Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've handled worse from you Janis: Brave boy Jimmy: Don't join in Jimmy: not an invite Janis: alright alright Janis: is the fit one invited whelan's with you or nah? i need to know if he's got enough bants or what Jimmy: weren't planning on inviting any of 'em soz to 💔 Janis: least i know he's free Jimmy: keep winning today Jimmy: you're welcome, babe Janis: You know Janis: couldn't have done it without you Jimmy: coulda asked your fave barista Jimmy: next time he'll be well ready to take you up on it Janis: not got a dealwith him, have i Jimmy: wouldn't be hard to make one Jimmy: you've got his attention & I can give you his details Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: What? Janis: Not fir hire Janis: I'm helping you out because you're helping me out, that's it Janis: it ain't that Jimmy: If you like him, get with him Janis: Maybe I will but don't concern yourself with the set-up Jimmy: I'm helping you out 'cause you helped me out, that's it Janis: Well don't Jimmy: Alright Janis: Have a good night 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [sends restaurant deets] Janis: shall I book this or not? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I'm working 'til 6 but I'll get ready here & come straight to get you Janis: K Janis: See you then then, just bring your selfie A game Jimmy: just get my good side Janis: 📸 or 👊? Jimmy: depends what mood you're in, Jill Jimmy: guess we'll find out Janis: depends on how much of a pain in my are you plan on being Jimmy: depends what kind of day I've had Jimmy: & how much of a dickhead you plan on being Janis: isn't that just my natural state of being Jimmy: when you're chatting yeah Janis: Backatcha Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: better at not Jimmy: but don't need to tell you that after earlier Janis: shame, really Jimmy: why? Janis: That we have to talk to make this thing believable Janis: trust, I'd rather just the other too Jimmy: I can piss off Jimmy: it's believable now Jimmy: don't have to keep chatting away Janis: You said you'd make me look good, and I so do not right now, so you can't get out of it yet Jimmy: I made you look great Jimmy: rewatch the story Jimmy: & what I'm chatting is, some couples barely do, so we don't have to Janis: other lads who want the same, i grant you but you miss all the comments calling me a slag or what Janis: obvs, i ain't trying to keep you Jimmy: I'll follow through, we've got a deal Jimmy: but you don't have to have me as your specialist subject on a quiz show Janis: piss off Janis: i ain't them or tryna be so don't play like i am Jimmy: Ask me what you need & then we don't have to talk for ages Jimmy: job done Janis: I have, where's the bit where I'm asking you 'bout the weather? Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Jesus Jimmy: he don't exist to me, remember? Jimmy: you gotta listen if you wanna keep this believable, girl Janis: not my specialist  subject, babe Jimmy: 💔 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 Jimmy: lovely you are Jimmy: remind me to take you home to meet the parents ASAP Janis: yeah thank fuck it ain't real, right Jimmy: if it were I wouldn't offer Janis: if you're trying to put me off, I already know you're a dick Janis: it's not necessary Jimmy: trying to put them off Jimmy: one dinner with you & I wouldn't have to be at the next however many Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💔 too bad that ain't part of the deal then Jimmy: could be? Jimmy: You agreed to go all in for me when I asked Jimmy: like I did for you with Mia Janis: Ha, you wanna live to regret it just name the time, mate Jimmy: I'll let you know when the next family dinner is Jimmy: My dad's due a new girlfriend about now Janis: I'll do my best not to seduce her Jimmy: Don't let me stop you Jimmy: 'ave your fun while you can, he don't keep 'em long Janis: Gutting, no doubt Jimmy: for who? Jimmy: don't reckon anyone's 💔 Janis: Yeah, I gathered Janis: well not really a sloppy seconds kinda girl but if there's no love lost and that's what you want, like Janis: done is done Jimmy: 💕 last great romantic you Janis: Let it be known Jimmy: hang on, I'll tweet it Janis: 😏 as far as subtweets go, I'm getting worse, babe Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Just saying, up your game, boy Jimmy: What you want me to do, tweet you a nude? Jimmy: Calm down, Jen Janis: I know even you ain't that cocky, no pun intended, new boy Jimmy: Nah? Janis: Nah, all chat Janis: like I said, sad, really 😥 Jimmy: Hold on, the lighting in here is shit Janis: 😂 #priorities Jimmy: [tweets it 'cos I'll never actually find one] Janis: as if you actually did that Jimmy: when I get snatched by a man with a van full of sweets, on your head Janis: 💔 i'll use that picture on the posters, like Jimmy: edit the lighting tah Jimmy: still shit Janis: you tryna be an insta model or what, mate Jimmy: could be Jimmy: you ain't paying me for my time, rich girl Janis: those skinny tea #ads will be coming in no time Jimmy: 💔 locked out of my account so I'll never know what my Juliet tweeted me back Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: not a nude back so you ain't missing anything good Jimmy: course of true love & all that Jimmy: still gutted Janis: I'll compile screenshots of the most blatant thirsty hoes, can go over 'em on our date Janis: don't say I never do nothing for you Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: making me fall hard for you, babe Janis: I know, gift and a curse, truly Jimmy: its the gym clothes Jimmy: could've warned me Janis: 😏 you never seen a bitch in a sports bra Jimmy: nah Jimmy: its too cold up north for owt like that Janis: 😂 running in all your layers Jimmy: spot on Janis: know it's grim but the sweat would be no joke Janis: dirrrrrty Jimmy: I ain't a runner & I don't know any Jimmy: take your word, mate Jimmy: kills me getting the dog out Janis: all them 🚬 Janis: not a stalker, 'fore you start Janis: tasted 'em second-hand, bit rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: if you get cancer of the 👅 bill me for your medical Janis: 💕 true love Janis: resisted the urge to tell a rich bitch to pay for her own if she hates dying so much and everything, so proud Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: one make out sesh & I'm a changed man, baby #your influence Janis: so gonna quote that on twitter, really shame you now you ain't about to stop me 😈 Jimmy: 'ave at it Jimmy: gimme more warning next time & 🚭 for real though Janis: Better than teacher coffee breath, which is what I was mentally preparing for tbh Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: actually 💔 me now Janis: It's good Janis: you ain't as much of a filthy hipster as I reckoned Jimmy: On the level, Janet, I don't like coffee Jimmy: just need it sometimes 😫 Jimmy: kinda like you & I Janis: No judgment, boy Janis: all got our vices but at the price CG is selling, you'd be better off getting proper amphetamines Jimmy: staff discount is mint Jimmy: but tah for the concern Janis: that's me Janis: lovely Jimmy: had 'em as a kid anyway before I outgrew it Jimmy: nowt to shout 'bout Janis: Good to know you ain't that kinda #cringe Jimmy: what kind? Janis: the 'thinks getting off his face is a personality trait' kind Janis: do what you gotta but don't be tryna act like it should wow me, you know Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my ex was a bit of that, in the end Janis: yeah, lots are, all fun and games 'til it ain't then it's like a constant fucking comedown or they can't hack it Jimmy: nothing close to fun & games up north, mate, only grim, remember? 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: anyway she's got a kid now so clean up or fuck up Janis: 😬 Oosh Janis: you're not a runaway baby daddy, are you Jimmy: nah Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: friend of her dad's, I think Janis: Nice Janis: not gross at all, sir Jimmy: Like I said, grim Janis: not any better here let's be real Janis: not all little gingers and pots of gold Jimmy: don't tell my dad he moved us here 🤞 Jimmy: and so I wouldn't gatecrash her wedding & offer to raise her kid but neither here nor there Janis: 🤐 Janis: gutting, i doubt her dad's mate is minted or hot Jimmy: he ain't Jimmy: he's 45, works in a factory, smokes more and gyms less than me Jimmy: but my dad is 'bout a year behind the times Jimmy: too late for my objections 💔 Janis: oh girl, no Janis: tragedy all 'round Jimmy: she's on my friend's list if you wanna give her the orchestra Janis: don't worry, entertained enough by my fans rn Janis: don't need to passive-aggressively ruin the poor bitch for the lols Jimmy: so sad to be missing out Janis: you're sorely missed, i promise you Janis: not by me, obvs but you know Jimmy: who by? Jimmy: can't fake it forever, can I? Jimmy: gotta get a real girl one day Janis: You can't wait 'til the date for the list I ALREADY promised yas? Jimmy: I told you this shift is dragging it's arse, Judith Janis: you got tinder downloaded? no doubt sly bitches are swarming already Jimmy: nah but probably should Jimmy: if its that or tell you more of my origin story Janis: I ain't asking, batman, chill out Jimmy: but I'm chatting Jimmy: fuck knows why I've said what I've already said Janis: don't matter, who am I telling? Jimmy: twitter for all I know Janis: nah Janis: give me some credit Janis: not funny, for starters, like Jimmy: story of my life Jimmy: there's a joke in there somewhere Janis: 🎻 Janis: they ain't ready for the inside joke that is Jimmy: I'm still not inviting any other dickheads but come for a drink tonight if you want Janis: Alright Janis: devvo all my besties ain't gona be there but you'll do Jimmy: you can bring whoever I'm just saying I ain't Janis: I'm good Janis: not dealing with the disappointment when he realizes it ain't a threesome with ya Jimmy: #my influence Janis: Truly, babe Janis: with bad lighting and all 🔥 Jimmy: I could've done better but you put me on the spot Janis: 😂 it's alright, couldn't see it, you don't have to hit me with performance excuses yet Jimmy: or ever Jimmy: you're faking it & telling me you are Jimmy: #goals Janis: so much easier Jimmy: so convincing earlier I'm wondering if my ex ever wanted to kiss me 💔🎻💔 Janis: leave it a few 'til you ring her asking Janis: least you can be/pretend to be pissed Jimmy: don't wanna know Janis: unless her type is exclusively really undesirable old blokes Janis: you're fine Jimmy: maybe it is & you're being catfished Jimmy: look like a teen, am in my 40s Janis: I mean, I'm good, I'll call the garda and get mad sympathy and compensation Janis: can't lose, baby Jimmy: stick with me, Janine Janis: why not Jimmy: you don't even have to kiss me tonight Jimmy: wins keep coming Janis: 🍀 Janis: born with it Jimmy: maybe its leprechauns Janis: 😂 Jimmy: if you're Irish why are you so tall? Jimmy: shatters my illusions Janis: Half Brazilian too, and quarter plain old English scum Jimmy: you're a smoothie of a girl Jimmy: lovely Janis: Steady on 😬 call me exotic and stick me on the menu whilst you're at it Jimmy: be better than what's on Jimmy: you taste better than you chat Janis: ha Janis: dread to think how we're representing english in a smoothie...like, blended fry-up or what? Jimmy: tea? Janis: You know I'm actually Scouse with it so maybe you just wanna chop me up and use my blood, like Janis: 😬 #awks Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: must be why we have such an affinity Janis: that what we're calling it? 😏 Jimmy: what do you wanna label it? Jimmy: fake chemistry? Janis: Famistry sounds ridiculous Janis: serious suggestions only please Jimmy: sounds like we're gonna do blood tests & tell people their family trees Janis: 💸 Janis: only if i can tell people they're adopted or their uncle is their dad Janis: spice things up Jimmy: only if I can make a smoothie to represent them at the end Janis: 🎨 #artiste Jimmy: fuck mia, if I text you will you come back Jimmy: bored Janis: really? you let me get home before deciding this? 🙄 Janis: and you've sent me/twitter the nude already, how mind-blowing is this text gonna be, like 😏 Jimmy: is that a challenge or a flat out nah Janis: When you working 'til, like 6? Jimmy: Yep Janis: if we're going pub after anyway, guess I could come that bit earlier, what's it matter, like Janis: go forth and text impress, boy Jimmy: walk me, you romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: real old school Janis: you want flowers so you can really make all the other lads jealous or what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: with this hayfever? you're alright Janis: 😍 sexy Janis: can't hack a bit of pollen, love that for you Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: poor boy, stick to getting the pints in, yeah? Jimmy: it's my #excuse for the fans for why you ain't getting no 🎕 Jimmy: & yeah Janis: literally what are you meant to do with 'em anyway Janis: waste Jimmy: watch 'em die Jimmy: like the feelings you caught for the wrong bae Janis: deep 🚬 Jimmy: gonna be a twitter poet if I ever get my account back Janis: i can see it Janis: gonna have to chuck you before then Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: [okay but sends her a really hot sext cos challenge accepted from a moment ago but I can't write it cos I'm me, myself & I so imagine] Jimmy: Screenshot that for me 'til then Janis: 😳 Janis: You want me to get suspended for your filth too? Jimmy: censor it if you must Janis: you can't censor #art babe Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Done Jimmy: with me or my artistic flair? Janis: I screenshotted it Jimmy: I wasn't serious Jimmy: but join me on the ban list I guess Janis: I'll delete it Janis: I did some generous cropping anyway Jimmy: leave it Jimmy: don't wanna look like you regret your choices Jimmy: not #goals Janis: soz Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: i mean, again warn a bitch when it's a joke, yeah Jimmy: I sound good what do I care? Janis: exactly, nothing but favours Jimmy: for you too Jimmy: not gonna look desperate waiting on that date now, are you? Janis: you want a thank you or? Jimmy: I want a fucking drink but I'm too keen Jimmy: not time yet Janis: 'less you're buzzing for another smoothie Jimmy: tasted enough of yours tah Janis: no room to complain Janis: you made it, ash tray Jimmy: I wasn't Jimmy: calm down, rich girl, you're supposed to be nice to your servers now Janis: You reckon I ain't been nice enough to you for one day? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: If I say nah are you gonna be nicer or meaner? Janis: See how I'm feeling, I guess Janis: and how much of a dickhead you're being 😜 Jimmy: 💔 deep wounds Jimmy: you've got the wrong fake boyfriend 'cause I would obviously not act like that towards you, Judy Janis: 😏 my mistake Janis: jog my memory, which one are you then? Jimmy: northern prince charming 💕 Jimmy: gets banned from twitter for you, makes you personalised drinks, hates the same people you hate Janis: Ahh, him Jimmy: what do you drink anyway? feel like I should know even if this round's off the 'gram Janis: Have whatever you're having Janis: not tryna be that easy but I don't drink often enough to be arsed Janis: don't feel special, like Jimmy: Actually so romantic though 😍 Janis: 🖕 shh Jimmy: it's pints either lager, ales or snakebite/snakebite & black Jimmy: I'll let you pick 'cause I am too Janis: twitter feed been knew and blessed, babe Janis: go 🐍 Janis: seems fitting Jimmy: how did you guess I saved the best for last? Janis: The affinity, obviously Jimmy: don't feel special but you're less of a dickhead today Janis: This is like the second time you've spoke to me, judgy cunt 😂 Jimmy: I've had a month of silent judgement going Janis: Well, how can I not feel special now, eh Jimmy: on everyone not just you Jimmy: but yeah if I'd known all I had to do was stage an elaborate fake kiss to make you specifically less annoying then Janis: spoilsport Janis: 😑 Jimmy: I know 💔 Janis: Something like that Janis: twat Jimmy: What? Jimmy: I was giving you a real compliment Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: save it for the 'gram lover boy Jimmy: 😭 Janis: need a drink in you immediately Janis: soft cunt Jimmy: immediately after I get changed out of this uniform 💔 for you Janis: i ain't complaining Janis: EXACTLY what we mean when we say love a man in uniform, right ladies 😍 Jimmy: it gets you going, I felt it Jimmy: or you wanna admit to that just being me? 💕 Janis: nah Janis: 100% the apron and promise of the decent discount Jimmy: Knew it Janis: should be glad, like Jimmy: why? Janis: don't want me falling for you, nightmare Jimmy: better than your sister Jimmy: marginally Jimmy: or are you an entirely different girl when it's real 💘? Janis: fuck you fucking marginally, you can say no tah without associating me with her Janis: guess we'll never know Janis: 💔 tragedy Jimmy: not directly Jimmy: I'm sure I'll see it on the 'gram when you're doing this all for real Janis: knew it Janis: #stalkeebecomesthestalker Jimmy: it's my destiny Jimmy: obsessed with you, Juliet Janis: One fake kiss and it's a done deal Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: gift and curse Janis: will be more careful next time i fake date, tah for the experience, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Apparently they're having an emergency sleepover at ours tonight... Janis: my sister fully wants me dead, bye 😂 Jimmy: do you have somewhere else you can sleep or is it a one eye open job? Janis: I'll go to my Grandparents Janis: don't need to wake up to them in my face ready to sacrifice me or whatever nah Jimmy: We could say we're having our own emergency sleepover Jimmy: really put the nail in your coffin Janis: 😂 Janis: amazing Jimmy: what's more goals than sleeping with you and still taking you out to dinner, yeah? Jimmy: You're a really good lay, have a steak 😍 you know Janis: you've got a point Janis: beats a text back, like Jimmy: I often do, dickhead, catch up Jimmy: you can stay here if you think it'll get back to the oracle that you weren't Jimmy: here being my house not this 2nd home, don't sleep at the CG, I would be sacked Janis: 🖕 Firstly Janis: Secondly, probably for the best or we'll have start faking the noises and I don't trust them to not wanna go whole hog and watch Janis: the one with the bog eye gonna put me off Janis: soz hun Janis: lastly it's really fucked with my fantasy that you don't tbh, least keep the little hat on Jimmy: my room's a box, that gonna be a problem for you, rich girl? Janis: I'm an actual basement dweller, it's fine Jimmy: My dad is Jimmy: you'll get on like a house on 🔥 Janis: do my best to avoid him even if the walk of shame is fake, he's not gonna know that Jimmy: might fall for him, have a baby & get married Jimmy: happens more than you'd reckon Janis: 🤢 Janis: not my speed Janis: no offense old man Jimmy: for the best, I look nothing like him Jimmy: & I'm your type so Janis: Obviously Jimmy: I'll be in with my brother, knock on the wall if you need owt Jimmy: another fake kiss, a twitter ban, whatever Janis: 🙄 Clearly you don't me but I trust you to control yourself, you know Janis: don't need to exile yourself on my behalf, like Jimmy: If I don't it'll be three in a bed Jimmy: you don't want that Janis: Ah right, fair play Janis: thought the poor bastard might be like 12 or whatever and like piss off jim Jimmy: my sister is Jimmy: ignore her, she'll fuck you up 🥊 Janis: Noted 😏 Jimmy: could be gay & fall in love with you Jimmy: #awkward Janis: I'll calm down how hot I am Janis: apart from that, just a rabid dog too, yeah? Jimmy: It'd be a way to find out 'cause she's never said but probably best if you look as ugly as possible Jimmy: for all our sakes Jimmy: & its only a puppy, you'll survive Janis: Outing your sister is deffo not part of the deal, no Janis: I'm great with dogs Jimmy: Yeah? Take it with you Jimmy: None of us want it Janis: Awh don't be horrible Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: we don't Janis: um why'd you get it Jimmy: guilt gift for moving to a new country when its not even the start of the school year Jimmy: we weren't asked, I'd have voted for a better telly or summat Janis: ahh, the infinite wisdom of parents Janis: what you need is more pressure and responsibility at a time like that, for sure Jimmy: probably ask my sister if you're taking it & not her off into the sunset too Jimmy: she hates it least Janis: I would but we're not allowed dogs Janis: Mum's a mad cat lady Janis: probably just needs a bit of training, that's all, it'll be more bearable then Jimmy: 💔 gutted for myself more than you Janis: I'll show you how it's done Janis: My Grandparents have a dog and it was lowkey feral before I started Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: before or after you fake seduce me Janis: Hmm, it's hardly foreplay but the first thing I wanna do after a ride is not go to the park, like Janis: save it for another day, boy Janis: so keen Jimmy: busy night this Jimmy: all I'm thinking Janis: 😏 If you can't keep up say now baby Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 disappoint me later, fine Jimmy: fake disappointment won't hurt Janis: had worse Jimmy: me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: duet Janis: lovely Jimmy: this might be too much to ask but as far as my sister goes, we're dating for real, alright Jimmy: my brother too if he speaks to you but unlikely Janis: yeah, 'course, I get it Janis: they don't need to know and you don't want them too Janis: if mine knew any boundaries I'd be the same Jimmy: tah Jimmy: they should be asleep when we get back from the pub 🤞 Jimmy: but I know better Janis: 👍 Janis: capable of not being a dick when required, honest Jimmy: disappoint me later, fine 😂 Janis: cheek Janis: i can be a dick to you all i like Janis: not actual innocent children Jimmy: You can be a dick to my dad too, as much as you like Jimmy: I encourage it Janis: Good to know Janis: like you reckoned, doubt I'm a parent pleaser Jimmy: He won't be nice to you so don't be 💔 'bout not winning him 'round Janis: s'alright, even if you gotta tell your sister we're actually dating, not like I expect your Da to buy it Jimmy: it's 'cause he'll buy it that he won't Jimmy: He's the only one allowed to look for happiness in the arms of whoever Janis: I feel you Janis: and I'm offering neither, such a shame, coulda been such good mates Jimmy: gotta get this orchestra on wheels Jimmy: me arms are tired from the in & out Janis: 😒 stamina who Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: so worried 'bout my fake stamina Jimmy: I can go all night when I'm pretending, babe Janis: 😂 whatta claim Jimmy: how do you wanna out us to the world though? Jimmy: play coy like we were pretending we didn't but still got caught or be brazen about me fake rocking your world? Janis: I don't think coy is gonna look very real after all this Janis: not saying we need to announce it to the whole world but you know Jimmy: so pub pics & morning after? Jimmy: let them do the work Janis: Exactly Jimmy: walk this fucking dog with me Jimmy: if that ain't #goals it should be so I don't have to do it Janis: it's a puppy, bitches loves puppies Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: don't know if she'd fit in a handbag Janis: do I look like I'm bringing a handbag Jimmy: just saying fuck knows if she's #goals Jimmy: too late to swap her if she ain't Janis: send me a pic Janis: you must have one Jimmy: on my phone Jimmy: why? Jimmy: hang on, maybe if one of us is also in it Janis: 💔🐶 Jimmy: [sends a pic of Twix and Bobby 'cause it'd show how old he is & how that don't add up to his behavior as has been mentioned so Janis like hmmm] Janis: Adorable Janis: Can work with that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you want me to come in or meet you there Janis: just got into town Jimmy: meet me there, your fave barista's gone home already Janis: you don't even know which one I think is fit Janis: shameless Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: if you say you I swear down Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: for real though Jimmy: its Pete Janis: Which one is that? I've not read all your nametags and you swap 'em anyways #bants Jimmy: not knowing names is my thing Jimmy: try again Janis: 😒 really Jimmy: Am I right or not? Jimmy: nowt hard about the question Janis: Why's it even matter Janis: shut up Jimmy: if it don't, answer it Jimmy: you're making it more of a thing Janis: you're the one banging on about it still Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: Fine, it's him Janis: not like that's a declaration of love Jimmy: you're not the only one who can screenshot Jimmy: can be if needs Janis: die literally Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: love you too Janis: 🖕 Janis: what was i meant to do whilst i was hanging around the other day, like Janis: rank the shitty drinks or what Jimmy: lust after pete was the only idea that landed 👌 Janis: actual idiot Jimmy: now I know I can be more like him, make things easier for you to fake Jimmy: actual idiot is top one Janis: remind me never to tell you anything ever again 😑 Jimmy: bit snide when you know loads bout me now but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: If you wanna know anything actual, just ask Janis: you coming out with bait questions like which barista is the least offensive on the eyes so Jimmy: whatever, I don't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Just be better at my angles than Mia Jimmy: 'cause I'm on route Janis: like it's hard Jimmy: after that 🥇 all times you Jimmy: I remember Janis: ain't offering a reminder, so good Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: don't change your mind when you see how I look #awks Janis: 🙄 Please Jimmy: #pete who Janis: 💀kill me now Jimmy: if you die now you can't go to heaven by calling me pete when we fake fuck? 🎻 hang on in there, baby Janis: Literally gonna leave if you don't shut it Jimmy: tragedy Jimmy: I'm not gonna keep you against your will, not what this is Janis: getting a round out of you first, you invited me Jimmy: you can uninvite me or yourself any time Janis: behave Jimmy: 💔 too late Janis: Come on Jimmy: I don't run, I told you Jimmy: going as fast as I can Janis: the real tragedy Jimmy: not gonna make me learn the violin for real but 👌 Janis: least you don't need lungs for it Janis: fucked if you were planning to take up the sax Jimmy: #savage Janis: true though Janis: deal with it, baby Jimmy: funnily enough my life aint destroyed by a lack of sax Jimmy: change a letter & maybe Janis: alright, dad Janis: such jokes Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: get what you pay for, rich girl Jimmy: this is my lowest tier banter like Janis: feel sorry for the poor bitches doing it just 'cos then Janis: fuck me Jimmy: start a # Jimmy: you love 'em Janis: obvs Janis: any cause Jimmy: raise enough, rehome my dog Janis: actually gonna have to call animal welfare ain't I Jimmy: yeah go on Janis: don't be heartless Janis: could get given to someone worse Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 💔 Jimmy: could get eaten by leprechauns Jimmy: cheer up, Jasmine Janis: say you love her, like Janis: go on Jimmy: why do you want me to lie to you? Jimmy: we at that stage already? Janis: yeah Janis: clearly Janis: make me feel so much better and really what's important here? Jimmy: I 💘🐶 Jimmy: screenshot it if you want Janis: Good enough Janis: and not gonna make a habit of it Jimmy: which bit, asking me to lie or taking screenshots? Janis: I meant the screenshots but I'll think about the lying Janis: Hmm Jimmy: I'm not really gonna dob you into Pete Janis: Duh, you've got nothing to say Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: but I don't wanna talk to him Jimmy: keep your sacred tools Janis: Me either Janis: shatter the illusion Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know what you wanna do Janis: ew Janis: i said he was fit not that Jimmy: ⬆ standards, right Janis: fuck off Jimmy: alright Jimmy: not through the doors yet so easy Janis: don't be dramatic Janis: just stop talking about him i ain't interested Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what Jimmy: nowt Janis: alright Jimmy: 🚬 Jimmy: you coming out or staying in? Janis: gonna twos it Jimmy: is that a question or #couple goals Janis: a question, i don't think anyone's glamourized smoking in about 100 years Jimmy: I can Jimmy: If you want Janis: Yeah Janis: Go on then Jimmy: 👍

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: doing my head in Carly: record time Carly: wanna swap seats Drew: funny Drew: sitting next to ro, remember, not ali Carly: shes alright Drew: don't think she's down Drew: soz babe Carly: ha Carly: k but shes not dtf you either Carly: poor baby Drew: fuck off Drew: how would you know Carly: your mood is a giveaway Carly: i kno when youre frustrated boy Drew: bet I won't be by the time this trip is over Carly: idc Carly: make that bet w your gf Drew: lies Drew: poor baby Drew: don't reckon she'd appreciate that Carly: ha Carly: why would i lie Drew: 'cos even if you do care, can't have what you want Carly: i can fuck you whenever i want Carly: rn if i wanted to Drew: weren't talking 'bout me Drew: but nah Carly: k Carly: now youre lying Drew: nope Carly: you didnt come into my inbox to cry about your gf Carly: or did you & your that lad now Carly: embarrassing Drew: don't be a bitch Drew: looking for some peace and quiet is that so much to ask Carly: from me yea Carly: you kno i dont do quiet Carly: not w you Drew: ha Drew: cute Carly: & true Carly: arent you bored Carly: dont you wanna have some fun this trip Drew: i told you i'm going to Drew: w ro Carly: yea Carly: get out my inbox then i gotta make my own Carly: plenty of lads on this coach Drew: and girls Carly: nah Carly: back to boys you kno Drew: shame Drew: good times Carly: yea but youre boring now Drew: fuck off Drew: nah i ain't Drew: ali is Carly: tell your missus Carly: ali can still party Drew: not with us Carly: yea Carly: if she wanted Carly: youre the one on a chain Drew: i do what i want Drew: whenever i want Carly: do something then Carly: be fun Drew: whaddya want me to do on this packed coach Carly: the bathroom is free Carly: but k youre too scared to start the party Drew: not scared Drew: just not a moron Carly: k Carly: ill ask someone else Drew: u do that Drew: know it won't be as good as me Carly: ha Carly: maybe used to be Carly: reckon youve lost your touch Carly: married life will do that like Drew: you reckon? Drew: you wish Carly: i kno Carly: its written on you Carly: bored & boring Carly: you couldnt turn me on now Drew: yea yea yea Drew: otherwise written all over your face, babe Carly: ha no Carly: check me out as much as you want you wont see that Drew: so up yourself Carly: cuz im not gonna waste my time w you k Carly: my das more fun than you rn Drew: know you're a traveller like Drew: but that's sick Carly: you cant even slag me off proper these days Carly: who are you Carly: sad Drew: 'cos I don't need another bird doing my head in Drew: all chat but you're the same as her, like Carly: fuck off Carly: nothing ive said i wouldnt follow through on Carly: youre the one thats being a pussy Drew: yeah? well you're a nag Drew: I don't wanna fuck you, get off my dick Carly: get out my inbox Carly: you came pouting to me Drew: 'scuse me for thinking you were different Carly: what do you want boy? Drew: forget it Carly: nah Carly: ask for it Drew: Already did Drew: just be a laugh, yeah, don't get on at me Carly: k Carly: whats in it for me tho? Carly: genuinely asking Drew: idk Drew: didn't promise there was Carly: least youve finally stopped lying Drew: ugh Drew: thought we were getting somewhere girl Carly: im only saying Carly: dont get in a mood Drew: i ain't Drew: who are u sharing a room with Carly: nobody Carly: the numbers are off Drew: lucky Carly: you should be more like me & people wouldnt wanna share w you Drew: always have caleb Drew: banging on and on about his girl Carly: no thanks Drew: didn't think so Drew: nightmare Carly: welcome to the other bed Carly: unless your gonna call me a nympho over it Drew: teachers won't be down but might take you up on that Carly: idc Carly: dont think they were down for me being on this trip Carly: but i paid my money Drew: yeah, that's all they care about Drew: though they were all out there with the behave or you'll get kicked threats Drew: standard Carly: yea Carly: try & send me back home my ma & da arent there Carly: be very irresponsible like Drew: they never are Drew: but they don't need to know that Carly: news to them i had a passport Drew: yeah, only last 5 years don't they? Drew: guess when you was 10 they couldn't always piss off without ya Carly: ha Carly: youre funny when youre not sulking Drew: shut up Drew: 'cos you're alright when you're not being a bitch Carly: ive not been a bitch to you since i was making you work for your 3way Drew: well that was hot so acceptable Carly: k so i can be a bitch if im hot yea Carly: ill remember that Drew: goes without saying Drew: fit girls can get away with anything Carly: so you do think im fit Drew: you know you are Carly: yea but idk what you think Drew: gotta keep you guessing, babe Carly: please Drew: please what? Carly: please do Carly: im bored Drew: same Carly: i can pass you my water bottle if you want Carly: all i could smuggle tho Drew: realtalk Drew: no one's smuggling over borders Drew: not worth the aggro Drew: you'll get stuff here no doubt, i'm losing a week's wages 😒 Carly: its a holiday Carly: itll be worth it Carly: especially if you arent all talk Carly: your gf be losing her v like Drew: i ain't but she is Drew: gonna be hard to get her to 🤐 but if anyone can Carly: in it for the challenge Carly: i get it now Drew: what's to get Drew: she's hot Carly: k Carly: but uptight Drew: better than loose Carly: nah Carly: dont tell me you dont want a girl whod let you do anything Drew: not if she's let every cunt do the same, nah Drew: besides, can train a girl like Ro Carly: she isnt stupid enough to blindly follow commands Carly: or you around Drew: 🤔 we'll see Drew: not that its stupid Drew: i'm not fun to be around? Carly: you were Carly: before you got a wife Drew: not asking for ya Drew: but see, you know what you're missing Carly: youre a good fuck ive never denied it Carly: fun when you want Drew: exactly Drew: its Ro's turn to find out Carly: so go chat her up Carly: you love foreplay Drew: don't reckon she wants her first time to be in the coach toilets Carly: ha Carly: didnt mean you had to do it now boy Drew: you know Drew: work fast Carly: yea Carly: thats romance Carly: dont keep a girl waiting Drew: I am capable Drew: if the situation calls Carly: dont waste that info on me Drew: never Carly: seat swap w me tho Carly: up the front is not a party Carly: you throw up once cuz your hanging & get stuck there for life Drew: 😂 Drew: diddums Drew: alright Drew: can chat up woodfield Drew: caleb will be buzzin' Carly: shes got a body under those new jeans Carly: a goer i reckon Drew: you would Drew: only boys my arse 😏 Carly: gotta do something Carly: bored enough to break a few rules Drew: i see u Drew: MY girlfriend, remember? Carly: what do you think you see Drew: just sayin', asking to move, then saying you're gonna lez off Drew: not that thick 😂 Carly: but obvious Carly: as fantasies go you could do better Drew: been there Drew: done that Carly: not w her Carly: shes no ali but thats mean Drew: again, doubt she'll want you there to help with the devirginizing Drew: try not to take it person Carly: i dont wanna be there Carly: the first time is always shit Drew: nah Drew: not with me Carly: ha Carly: youre not that good Drew: pshhh Drew: don't be bitter Carly: im not Carly: its facts Carly: shell be so nervous youll be lucky if you get more than the tip in Carly: probs shes a crier too Drew: shut up Carly: its not your bad Carly: just how it is Carly: itll get better Carly: maybe good Drew: well it's off-putting Drew: men don't need to know about that stuff Drew: keep it to yourselves Carly: k Carly: just trying to help you be more than all chat Drew: yeah right Drew: like you wanna help her Carly: why wouldnt i Carly: i said shes alright Drew: still, no need to be that charitable Drew: why d'you care? Carly: not offering to warm her up for you babe Carly: ive probs hung out w her more than you have Carly: why shouldnt i care Drew: 'cos she ain't your girlfriend Drew: between me and her, not the fucking committee Carly: unlike you i can care about people im not fucking Drew: 🙄 Drew: whatevs Carly: why do you care if i talk about her or not Carly: that i kno her Drew: 'cos i know what girls are like Drew: always talking Carly: me and her arent bffs Carly: i wouldnt be talking to you if we were Drew: i'd hope not Carly: so dont cry Carly: im not telling her anything Drew: stop acting like you give a shit then Carly: im not acting anything Carly: thats all you babe Drew: fuck off Carly: nowhere to go Carly: busy coach remember Carly: what do you get out of being w her? Carly: she doesnt put out & she does your head in Carly: why bother Carly: there are other virgins in town, i think Drew: idk Drew: she's nice Carly: that it Drew: nah Drew: she's good girlfriend material Drew: you can see, idk why you want me to sing her praises to you Drew: masochist, like 😂 Carly: im only asking Carly: why dont you wanna sing her praises to everyone Drew: i'm not that sorta bloke Drew: cringe Carly: yea Carly: its sweet tho Drew: if you say so Drew: just makes me feel 🤢 Carly: ha Carly: better get up the front boy Drew: deffo Drew: any escape from the caleb and ali show Carly: true Carly: ms woodfield will distract you Carly: shes looking thirsty might offer her a drink Drew: queue for that toilet getting longer by the minute Carly: yea Carly: as if caleb & ali arent in there Carly: slacking Carly: like i taught her nothing Drew: probs just jerk him off in the seats like Drew: not backrow coolkids but still pretty standard Carly: aw Carly: cute Drew: how is that cute Carly: theyre in love Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youd like it if your girl offered to do you Drew: no they ain't Drew: she was with you not that long ago Drew: be on to the next soon Carly: nah Carly: she loves him & its mutual Drew: things change Drew: we don't need to make a song and dance every time someone gets with someone else like Carly: who is Carly: its no big Carly: but its still happening Drew: i'd rather just ignore it 'til it goes away Drew: not like you up in my business 😜 Carly: im not up in any part of you Carly: relax Drew: mhmm Drew: lie harder Carly: nah Carly: i wanna be but im not Carly: facts Carly: id be lying if i said i didnt want you Drew: i know Drew: prove it though Carly: how Carly: what do you want me to do Drew: brave the queue 🤳 Carly: k Carly: [Sends pics and video also because she knows he can't watch it in front of the squad] Drew: tease Drew: swap seats with me so ms woodfield can watch too Carly: prick Carly: youre a bigger tease than me tho Drew: no way Drew: i got the evidence to prove it now Carly: if i was a tease id have given you nothing Carly: let you sweat it Carly: like you are to me Drew: you ain't asked for anything Carly: but you kno what i want Carly: give me something Drew: [Sends ab pic that was just his last Insta] Carly: come on Carly: dont be like that Drew: what? Carly: such an arsehole Carly: im not begging Drew: 😂✌